


IF ONLY (For One Night)

by Sonny



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, M/M, Mid-Season 2 Placement, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-15
Updated: 2006-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-13 15:07:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 183,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonny/pseuds/Sonny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben gets... curious...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The night had innocently begun like every other random night. Deep in the heart of Babylon’s dance floor stood two familiar figures, mere inches apart. The music pumping, bodies swaying and gyrating as the wave of beats interlocked to form a circle of safety about the duo in question.

Many were curious, like always. Would this particular night be **_The One_**?

Years of pent-up sexual tension not only became unbearable for the parties involved, but for their faithful audience surrounding them. Even with the knowledge that both were possibly _taken_ did not discourage the inkling there was something more there, between the men that had never been further explored.

Mutual smirks in place, both men advanced toward each other to the rhythm.

Every so often, the shorter of the two... the raven-haired cutie... would pause in mid-step. Placing one foot forward, like a jungle cat on the prowl, he’d slowly raise his arms over his head. The offer of his body clearly given as his pelvis thrust in invitation to his partner’s venture over. His soft cotton t-shirt drawing up from his jean's hem, leaving enough bare flesh to tantalize the hazel eyes admiring.

The response would be the same... an unnatural, hearty laugh that would transform the gorgeous face of the honey-haired man into one of pure bliss. Then those beautiful features would grow serious, the face turning blank with want, the hands extended to draw in the delicate waist of his tiny companion. His tapered fingers trailing up the pliable skin, beneath the t-shirt, tugging from the inside, jerking the body to his body.

Diving in for a kiss, mouth open for hard contact... the raven-haired man would stop the tease with a shaking hand over pursed lips. A light giggle would sound as the head turned away to block the slow approach.

The honey-haired man would take advantage of being shown the pale expanse of fair skin, along the slim neck, or collarbone, suckling at the salt-tinged flesh. He nuzzled the dark sweaty patch of hair at the nape, lapping and licking to simply tickle and tease.

They seemed close... but for them, **_not_** _close enough_...

The music changed, the beat feral and haunting... like a human in the throes of ecstasy.

Forehead meshed with temple... sweat mingled upon heated skin... and breathes were held, but blown out in anticipation of what could come next. Each man forced a knee between the others' thighs.

The raven-haired man lifted his arms to surround them about his partner’s supple neck, dangling his fingers down to play with the slope of the cotton tank-T sticking to the sinewy frame. He played with the moist locks of the blunt-cut hair resting along the back of the collar.

The honey-haired man savored the exchange like a life force that gave him inner strength. His hands about his partner’s waist tucked under thin material, rising to form along lean muscle and sink down to hibernate under the elastic waistband of tight underwear. He knew where to stop, just enough to get his partner hot and bothered, massaging certain areas of skin and bone to make the lips near his ear moan out a buried desire.

The honey-haired man dipped his head to speak mysterious words into the small ear. His face nudging while talking, his eyes shut in simple pleasure of warm touch. He requested something of his partner, because no sooner than he drew back, the raven-haired man’s eyebrow raised in easy humor, another smirk over his lips.

One hand removed from the neck as he let it disappear in between their interlocked bodies. Feeling adventurous, the fingertips went on their own trail, playing and tickling the sensitive area he was being told to explore.

The honey-haired man nearly went into orgasmic release as his partner’s hand returned into the air. Swinging from his fingers was a tiny plastic Ziplock baggie, which inside held two pills.

The raven-haired man never removed his eyes from the penetrating gaze of his partner.

The baggie was quickly opened, both pills taken by one man.

The empty baggie in hand, the raven-haired man reserved himself for the ravage he’d soon receive to share in the second pill on his partner’s tongue.

The kiss was taken roughly, like always. The tongue diving in first before mouths even met. The moment was suspended as the men waited to be certain the other swallowed the pill. Their breaking apart was slow to flourish, neither seeming to want to move. Their breathes blended, their torsos aligned to match, bellies squished as abdomens pumped in heavy motion.

Most people wished they’d take the act into privacy, so they could take the moment one step further... but something always brought them back to reality. Their privacy could always be found in each other’s arms, even in mixed company.

Once they realized the song was ending, blending into another fast-paced beat, the honey-haired man secured his own arm about the raven-haired man’s neck, pulling him close to his side to one-arm hug as he pressed a series of chaste kisses to the fair skin and stepped back.

The raven-haired man was quick to snatch a hand, grabbing for loosening fingers.

Their eyes spoke more than their lips could.

A young blond man bumped into the honey-haired man... and the bond seemed to have cooled and dissolved into thin air.

Chocolate eyes stared bittersweetly into hazel ones as they drifted apart amongst the dancing boys surrounding them.

The young blond man stole away the honey-haired man and dragged him beyond the crowds of naked flesh, leaving the raven-haired man staring after them, his head hung in silent misery, possible self-torture.

The stranger gazed intently onto the erotic scene, having transpired before him. He watched it turn into one of aching loss, making him swivel back to face his quiet, contemplative companion.

  
“God damn... that was hot...” Rubbing his abdomen, the man tried to level his breathing back to normal. He needed something cold on his throat or thrown in his face.

“Huh?” Benjamin Bruckner pushed up his wire-rimmed glasses as he pulled out a huge bill to cover the bar tab. His head slightly acknowledged the couple on the dance floor everyones' gazes seemed to be glued to. “Oh, yeah... isn’t it though?” He frowned as he picked up the neck of his sweating water bottle, taking a long drawn out swig. He passed the bottle of beer to his friend.

Lukas Harrison stared aghast at his old college buddy. “Jamie... what the hell is wrong with you?”

The raven-haired man was slowly making his way closer to the bar.

Lukas slapped at Ben’s dangling arm.

Ben glanced oddly at his best friend. “What?”

“He’s com-...” Lukas swallowed his own words on the slurp of alcohol. “... he's _here_...”

Michael sank into Ben’s offered open arm, dipping his sweaty forehead into the familiar neck and collarbone. “Hi, sweetie.” His lips kissed the sensitive spot of a pulsing vein under lightly tanned skin.

Lukas was bewildered and in complete awe. “What... the fuck... Bruckner?”

Ben smirked, liking the fact that he could one-up Lukas who always tried to shock him all too often. “Lukas Harrison... meet Michael Novotny.” He smiled mischievously toward Lukas, hoping he had given him cause to be shocked.

“The boyfriend?” Lukas supplied with wide eyes of wonder and enlightenment. He had to laugh. For once, Ben was impressing him to no end. Holding out a hand, he dipped slightly to Michael. “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Michael hung off Ben, his eyes squinting toward the gorgeous sandy-haired man. “I’d say likewise... but I’m not so sure at this moment.” He took the hand, noticing how strong the shake was. It almost hurt.

Ben chuckled, turning his head and tucking Michael into his side. He pressed a soft kiss to Michael’s temple, bending low to speak softly into the shell of an ear. “Babe... this is Luke... I’ve talked about him a few times, but not lately...”

“Oh...” Michael nodded his head in simple understanding. “Can we go home soon?” He made a face like he was not feeling up to lasting the rest of the night at Babylon. “I don’t think I’m feeling very well.”

Ben made a pinched face, moving a hand to raise Michael’s eye lid to peer at the pupil. It was beginning to dilate. “And I can probably guess why?” He shook his head. “I wish you hadn’t swallowed it, Michael. Leave it to Brian to get you all riled up and ME having to pick you up when you fall to pieces.”

“Hey... you’ve never complained before.” Michael pouted like only _he_ could.

Lukas secretly viewed the interplay between Ben and Michael. He wondered how old the dark-haired man was. He seemed much younger than Ben, who was acting like the proper “father-figure” type. It wasn’t Ben’s usual dynamic in a relationship. In fact, Lukas recalled the days when Ben would have naive, innocent boys like Michael for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What... was going on?

Michael lowered his head to fit into Ben's neck, inhaling his musky scent and falling softly into the muscular body. "I gotta go to the little boy's room." He lifted hazy chocolate eyes toward Ben's steel gaze. "We leave when I come back?"

Ben couldn't respond, because he knew that if he was alone with Michael for any length of time and STILL hadn't told him his news, then he was a bad boyfriend. Not to mention the guilt he would feel after their intense sexual encounter. Yeah, because when Michael was high, though he was sleepy, he was energetic. Ben was in for a solid night of fucking his boyfriend. He wasn't looking forward to the moments alone only because he had to concentrate on his own problem. "Sure." He pressed a chaste kiss to moist lips, drawing away, leaving Michael's lips pursed in the air. He patted the rounded backside and sent Michael on his way toward the restrooms.

Michael frowned only a little bit, then smiled sweetly as he trudged through the throngs of male flesh to find the bathroom.

"Jesus Christ, how can you look so disappointed? You have _that_ to bring home to your bed. You look about as depressed as someone who doesn't have guaranteed sex walking home with them." Lukas shook his head in utter perplexity.

Ben crossed his beefy arms over his mid-torso, eyes drawn toward the back room. His eyes alight for someone else.

"Hey... Jamie..." Lukas waved a hand in front of Ben's glasses. "... you still there?"

"Wha-?" Ben turned back to face his best friend. "Yes... uh, yes of course. I'm very happy with Michael."

"That's not the answer I need." Lukas could see the tension in Ben's biceps. It was like he was intent on moving away from the bar, neglecting his own boyfriend. "Uh... wait... have you even discussed this with Michael, yet?"

"No... he doesn't even know why I have to do this paper. Much less why I approached Brian."

"Why does he need to know you've already talked to Brian? Just bring it up in conversation."

"Really?" Ben swiveled to face Lukas, head on. "How does _this_ sound to you... _'Hey, Michael, by the way, for three months now, I've been shadowing your best friend (Liberty Avenue's most prestigious manwhore). I've documented every conquest who will fess up. Every twink, every piece of flesh that wasn't Justin. I even started filming them. Oh... and I pay those many fuckmates for a measly interview.'_... uhm, how does that grab you, Luke?"

Lukas bit his top lip. "Sounds great to me. Though I'm made of kinkier mettle."

"I don't know why I agreed to do this." Ben shook his head, wiping away the sweat from his upper lip, then swinging his hand around to his nape.

"Well, because deep down, no matter how Zen and calm you make yourself out to be, you're about as perverted and raunchy as any gay guy in this joint. Plus... you know you're curious. Watching _that_ _display_ on the dance floor, you act all nonchalant, but I can see the fire burning in your mind. You hate the 'hold' Kinney still has on Michael. Why else would you want to know every single damn detail about his sexual activities?"

"Curious to _what_? How my boyfriend may or may not cheat on me?" Ben shook his head, taking a sip from his water bottle. "I might lose my job over this paper, Luke. You know I don't shit around when it comes to my money situation. I fuck around with my health benefits, I'm screwed for sure."

"If what **I** can see between those two, with my own eyes, _doesn't_ frustrate you on a daily basis, then you're more of an idiot than I thought. You'd be foolish to let this opportunity pass. Dad knows you can do this, and _do it well_ , I might add. Besides, what are you so worried about? Is it really cheating on you if they only take it so far... but never consummate sex?"

Ben sighed, shaking his head as he played with his bottle label. "I'd rather they _did_. Or _have done_ already. To get this... _mess_ out of their system."

"Do you have some inkling Michael fantasizes about Brian when he's with you?"

"Nights like tonight? Yes, for sure. When he hasn't been with Brian for a few days, it's a sure thing he's focused on me. Others... well... I suppose it doesn't help that I've been with Brian." Ben rubbed at an aching part of his chest, more like acid burn than heartache.

Lukas looked stunned, bottle at his lips. "Uh... you want to run that by me again?"

"Too long of a story. Short version... Miami, White Party, two years ago. Some of _The Best_ sex I've had in years, _before_ I got sick. Went a little rough. Some bondage. He made me cum, like, multiple times. Never lost his hard-on. He just... he kept going and I couldn't stop wanting him to fuck me harder and harder _each time_." Ben wasn't sure why he hated the fact Brian Kinney had imprinted himself so savagely on his mind. He hadn't really known Brian's name, to think he'd held that experience up to all others. Was he just as susceptible to Brian's charms as Michael had always been?

Lukas looked Ben's body-build up and down, admiring the muscular frame. Brian Kinney wasn't too much bigger than Ben, maybe taller or the same height. The compare and contrast of two Alpha-males going at one another left his imagination whirring. "What gave you the idea I _wouldn't_ like the story?"

"Luke... I have to be objective about this thesis or it ruins itself. That's how these papers work."

"Paper? Sheesh... nah, I know you _too_ well, Jamie. How many pages have you written already?"

"Short of forty-five?" Ben blinked, glancing over at his best friend.

"Handwritten? Long-hand with your trusty Ticonderoga Number #2s?" Lukas new his old roommate all too well.

Ben smirked, knowing his best friend had him pegged perfectly. "Almost 300pgs."

"Holy shit!!"

"It's not all in _one book_ , mind you. I started writing the paper, but then..."

"Then _what_...?"

"I don't know. I decided to take all those interviews and my own experiences, particularly the one moment with Brian, and compile them into these fake quasi-journals."

"Jamie, did you actually project yourself into another character? You... dare I say it... used your imagination? Basing it on some truth?"

"I know... I know..." Ben shut his eyes tightly. "I've ridiculed Michael for this plenty of times, when he was working on RAGE." He reopened his eyes to stare over Lukas' shoulder. "I had no idea what he meant when he said _'inside imagination lies some truth'_. I used to think he was placating me to stop pestering him, but... god damn, if he wasn't spot on."

"Jamie, you write Fiction. Albeit some of the more drone and dry pieces of General Fiction I've ever read, but..." Lukas clapped a hand on Ben's shoulder, shaking him.

"Thanks." Ben rolled his eyes, knowing Lukas loved to bust his balls every once and awhile. It's what made them fast friends in college, knocking one another off their pedestals.

"Look, man, I know what you're capable of writing. I know what you love to consume, as well. Sometimes publishers can't find markets to sell what we love to write. It's not a popular choice. You have to think about what people want most, cater to your audience. Give into your fears. Maybe your next bestseller is just around the corner."

"But... at the cost of my job or my boyfriend?"

"I don't have THAT answer, Ben. What I DO know is... it's a risk worth taking."

"Brian was receptive at first, but he backed out early on. I couldn't NOT do the paper with what I already had. Plus I wasn't allowed to change topics so late in the game. I've had to skirt around Brian, interviewing and filming the men without him knowing. I think he wasn't sure Michael would like what he was doing for me."

"Why?"

"He's afraid of what will happen when Michael finds out."

"Why would he care what Michael thinks? It's HIS life."

"Because despite everything he says or claims out loud... deep down he loves Michael and cares about what he thinks of him. Michael's very protective of Brian, as Brian is ultra-protective of Michael."

"Ahhhh... the Unofficial Boyfriend Patrol Officer?"

"Yeah... pretty much." Ben chuckled deeply, his eyes veering off to see Brian strut out of the back room. Justin flew off in another direction, satisfied smile on his features. Brian quickly found himself another warm body to dance with, his hazel eyes darting about the dance floor. His gaze bored, uninterested in anything to do with the group of men surrounding him. He was searching for one particular face in the crowd. He couldn't find the particular dark hair he was looking for. "Brian likes to act as if he doesn't care one iota, but I know what will happen the minute I disappear..."

"Michael would run directly into Brian's arms." Lukas followed Ben's own eyes, watching Brian work miracles on the sweaty male bodies attempting to gain his attention.

"No. Brian would run into Michael's." Ben seriously never tired of watching Brian like this, because he knew it wasn't real. Tended to look more like Brian was an actor "putting on a show". It was when Michael was in his arms that Ben got scared. Those moments were all too real for him to swallow.

"Could be a mutual thing."

"Yeah, but... I've been able to see inside the mind and body of Brian Kinney. Both personally and through the interviews with other men. He's different with Michael. And from my own life, I can tell Michael is different around Brian."

"Christ... I don't envy you in the least." Lukas had to glance away or get jealous of Ben's position. He didn't know why his old friend wasn't using this scenario to his advantage. Brian Kinney was a sexual predator, who had a cute friend... who was Ben's boyfriend... perfect equation for a threesome. Damn, but then he remembered Ben had something else in his life that prevented him from playing around like he used to. He hated thinking Ben was sick, sick like some of their other gay friends. Ben still looked so

god-damn healthy and gorgeous.

"I guess it'll be okay." Ben shrugged one shoulder, only half confidant in that admission. “Once Michael knows the real deal."

  
"You gonna tell him soon?"

"Gonna tell _who_... _what_ soon?" Michael giggled, sliding up under Ben's arm.

Ben and Lukas were startled into joining in with their own pinched laughter. They weren't sure how much of their conversation Michael had heard.

"You all right now?" Ben stared down at Michael's flushed, peaked face.

"Yeah... took a whiz, threw some cold water on my face... sat down, somewhere, could have been a man's lap... but I did those deep breathing exercises you taught me. I'm feeling a little like I caught my second wind. So... uh, maybe we can stay for another dance or two." Michael smiled mischievously, he winked over at Lukas. "Care to share some floor space with me, Mr. Harrison?" He demurely stepped from under Ben's arm to sidled up to Lukas' chest. He touched the silky shirt that billowed over the long muscled torso. He was fascinated by the dirty blond curls on the man's head. So sexy... he loved curls. The hand on Lukas' chest moved up to sift through the beach-blond locks. "Pardon me... it was tempting... and I'm kind of high."

Lukas had never been attacked by a man like Michael. They usually tended to be shy and introvert. He really didn't mind the touching, it was the fingers in the hair that got his blood moving, his dick hard. _Ah... okay..._ now he could see what Ben saw. _Damn..._ did Michael look good enough to eat. He licked his dry lips, sucking on his bottom one. "I, uh... have two left feet..." He generally liked to be the one dominant in the "prowling" department. Michael didn't seem to fit the profile, but he was sure working hard at proving Lukas wrong.

Michael chuckled, grabbing onto Lukas' long arm to hold to his chest. "This music has fast tempo coming out its ass. You don't have to be Fred Astaire to make an impression. Sometimes..." He dragged Lukas in by both hands, spinning around to align his butt to Lukas' front zipper of his tan trousers. The simple move made it appear as if Lukas had his arms wrapped around Michael's waist. Michael still held Lukas' fingers in his grasp. He rolled his hips backward, brushing up against Lukas' groin. "... all it takes is one little motion to get you going."

Lukas shut his eyes in perfect bliss. He turned back to see Ben laughing hysterically, so he gave him a "finger" of appreciation. "So... how long have you been dating Ben?"

"Oh... seems like a year, but it's only been a few months. You two been friends long?" Michael was trying to mull over the information he could reach in his head. If he'd already been told any of this about Lukas.

"Since freshman year of college. He thought I was a slacker/bum, I thought he was an arrogant slut." Lukas tipped his head to hit the side of Michael's dark raven hair, his bristly cheek brushing over the soft, pale skin. Michael smelled incredible.

Michael spun back around to face Lukas, he was no longer being held by the lengthy arms. "You surf?" He draped his body over the sinewy frame enough to almost lead in the dancing. When he swayed, Lukas moved, as well.

"How'd you guess." Lukas met his palms at the small of Michael's back, wanting to conform about the perfect globes he'd been admiring under the tight jeans.

"Your hair is... not quite bottle blond, more like tinted-by-the-sun. And your tan is flawless. You have an 'air' about you that speaks of beach, sand, surf... sorry..." Michael lowered his head in embarrassment, his chin hitting fluffy chest hair.

Lukas was instantly touched by Michael's adorable blush. He reached out a hand to lift the sagging chin. "Hey... hey... it's all cool, man. I live off the beach. Actually Miami... but I go to Hawaii as often as I can, too."

"Ever been out of the country?"

"No... why?" Lukas lifted a blond eyebrow in interest.

"I had a guy tell me once that the beaches in Australia were better than Hawaii. I think he really liked the men out there more... with their ' _G-day, mate_ ' accents."

Lukas laughed so hard he had stopped swaying with Michael's body and simply held his stomach. "You are hilarious, Michael." His sharp green eyes glanced once over Michael's shoulder. He was smiling slyly into Michael's deep brown eyes. "Should I warn you... your... uh, friend is heading for us...?"

Michael furrowed his brow in confusion, but then it wasn't too long before his body was surrounded by familiar willowy arms. One hand slipping down to rub over his crotch, then back up under his t-shirt to smooth over a bare midriff.

Lukas felt Michael's fingers tighten on his hands, like he was slowly drowning. Holy Shit! Up close... this coupling was near deadly... _fuck..._

Brian sank his face into Michael's neck, Michael closed his eyes in pleasure. He rocked back to punctuate the beats of the music with the feelings coursing through his body when Brian touched him... caressed him.

"Who's your new friend... Mikey?" Hazel eyes ran up the man's lithe body to end up at his curly blond locks. Brian's cheek rested on Michael's dark hair. He slowly put out a hand to break the connection between Michael and the strange man. Michael certainly had good taste in blonds. Brian sent Michael's free hand to clamp on his thigh.

Lukas held in his smirk. He knew what was happening. Classic jealous boyfriend move. So he thought to play a little game, as well. With his one hand still in Michael's grip, he swooped in and tucked his arm around Michael's mid-torso, coming around the back. This action caused him to scrape across Brian's chest. They were both towering over Michael's dark head, hazel eyes met fierce green. One high, one fairly sober. "Lukas Harrison... and _you are_?" He played as if he wasn't impressed in the least.

"Brian Kinney." Brian blinked his eyes languidly, watching this man with a merciless protective streak.

"Hmmmm... never heard of you..."

In between their mushed bodies, they heard a tiny giggle. Michael bent forward resting his face on Lukas' shirt. The silk felt cool against his hot face. His body was still in contact with Brian's lower torso and groin. "Sorry... it was funny..." His hand on Brian's thigh reached around to pat one half of the tight rear.

Lukas and Brian weren't really wrestling over Michael, but it was clear one wasn't going to give up for the other. It would have to be Michael's decision.

Reaching up on tippy-toes, Michael nudge his cheek with Lukas' stubble. "You dance fine, Mr. Harrison." He pouted and waved as Brian was able to shuffle them further into the waves of dancing, half-naked men. "I hope we'll see one another again. Save one more dance for me, huh?" After that... Michael was flipped around in Brian's arms and literally consumed by his best friend's embrace.

Lukas stood on the edge of the dance floor a little perturbed, but yet intrigued indeed. _Jesus Christ..._ he couldn't fathom why Ben had put up with that shit for so long. He walked back to the bar. His cock was literally throbbing, but more for the He-Man Tug-Of-War over possession of Michael's time. He looked at Ben, who was staring at him. "How. The. Ever-lovin'-Fuck?"

"I _know_. It's certainly maddening, isn't it?"

"YOU... are a stronger man than I once believed." Lukas wrapped an arm around Ben's neck. "Tell me... is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I think I can sink my relationship on my own, Luke... but thanks." Ben leaned over to press a chaste kiss to the rough stubble.

Lukas took a drink of his beer, shaking his head. "Nah, man. Is there anything I can do to soften the blow that might occur when you finally DO tell Michael the bad... and then the even-worse news? He's a great guy, Jamie. I can see why you're hooked. By those few minutes I had with him on the floor, before the Kinney wave hit me. I'm serious, man... _any_ thing..."

Ben's eyes darted over Lukas' face, knowing that at one time he had crushed on his best friend. Often fantasizing about him late at night in their dorm room. He didn't know why he hadn't pursued Lukas; he was an extremely attractive man. Maybe it had something to do with Lukas' father being one of his mentors. Maybe it was not wanting to ruin a great friendship with a cool guy to hang out with. The only thing he did know was that Lukas never treated him the way Brian treated Michael. In fact, Ben didn't really know the type of guys Lukas was attracted to. They were both gay, but he wasn't sure _what_ or _who_ made Lukas quiver under his skin. Because... it sure wasn't _him_.

"I know... I know... I'll ask you when I need you. Is that good enough?"

Lukas nodded, patting Ben on the back, then rubbing the hunched shoulders. "Look, uh... I'm a little bit on the horny side right now." He bent low to Ben's ear. "Would you mind very much if I ditched you for, like, ten minutes?"

"That quick?"

"Jamie... you ain't lying. Those two... were _po_ - ** _tent_**. I'm like... hard as a fuckin' rock in my chinos. Alls I need is a quick suck... that's it. Nothing special."

Ben rolled his eyes. He'd heard that excuse plenty of times. A "quick suck" for Lukas would sometimes turn into a four hour orgy. But he had to admit... watching Brian and Michael, like this, did tend to leave him very, very stiff and unsatisfied. He wished he could join his friend like the old days. "It's a free country and I seem to be waiting for someone else to return to my side, as well. If we end up leaving... I'll call you on your cell phone."

"Don't wait on account of me. If you leave, I can always take a taxi back to your place." Lukas took out his car keys. "Take 'em now. You're the designated driver of the night." He sweetly petted and kissed Ben on the lips. "Don't worry so much. Maybe this won't be as terrible as you think." He was trying to mash away Ben's frown lines on his forehead. "I know a guy who can do some Botox injections."

Ben playfully pushed Lukas away from him. "Get out of here already. Before your hard-on turns off."

Lukas chuckled deeply, then slipped on by Ben, brushing along his back. "I wish you were coming with, Jamie..." His groin bumped Ben's ass by accident, being jostled by some young men approaching the bar.

Ben couldn't help following the blond curls as the green eyes left his face, searching over each young man jostling against Lukas along the way. Ben didn't know who to miss or get pissed over more for. He chose simply to turn around and face the bartender, watch other less interesting, mind-boggling patrons.

 **~~TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

** **Michael's apartment –** ** **_ **Later...** _ **

 

"I wonder how long he's been here?"

"Which one?""

"Lukas..." Ben placed hands on his hips.

They stood in front of Michael's tiny kitchenette, looking down at the two men cuddled on the couch.

"Look, man... they're layin' asleep, right over there. Shake one of them awake and ask."

"Okay. Fine." Ben never moved. He almost stepped behind Lukas. "I will."

Lukas put a strong palm to Ben's chest, preventing him from moving one step forward or backward. "Wait. They look _really_ exhausted. They're kind of peaceful-like. Would seem a shame to wake them to ask such a stupid question."

"Excuse me... _that_ happens to be MY boyfriend, laying in the arms of his best friend."

"Which means _what_?" Lukas crossed his arms over his upper chest, grabbing his elbows. " _Sleep_ , man. That's all it appears to be. Nothin' happened. They're still clothed."

"Have you ever been around them? Seen them when they're alone together?"

It was finally clear to Lukas what was wrong with Ben. "Ahhhhhh, I see. It's the 'potential' for sex that scares you. _You_ think... that _they_ think... that oral and handjobs don't equate real s-e-x. That shared intimacy is neither a forced issue or a latent lustful urge. That it's there and real... poking you in the arm like an annoying little brother." He punctuated the comment with his own "poking" of Ben's biceps.

"No. That's not what I mean at all." Ben turned a curious eye to his best friend. "And where the HELL did you come up with that crap?"

"Hello? My dad teaches psychology at Carnegie. Remember _him_? The man who has your employment contract in the palm of his hands." Lukas tilted his head to look at the way Brian and Michael were laying on the cushions. "That does look mighty comfortable, though."

"Luke, I'm not gonna sit here and fuckin' pick apart the way they hold one another."

"But... _wait_... see how higher up Michael is laying than Brian. The way Kinney's head hits that tiny chest. And _that_... look at _where_ his hand is... it's not anywhere near the groin or crotch. It's simply clutching Michael's hip..."

"And the way that their shirts are riding up their torsos... and how low their pants are. Those little patches of skin exposed that they lightly caress in sleep." Ben couldn't look anymore. He rubbed at his hairline. "C'mon... coming over here was a mistake." He turned on the ball of his foot to walk back toward the door.

"You should have called first, you know." Lukas walked backward toward the door. He couldn't take his eyes off the way Brian and Michael were laying asleep... so peaceful, yet so **_loudly_** _deafening_. "You _did_ ask him to take Michael home, Jamie."

Ben opened the door, waited for Lukas to follow him. He shut and locked the bolt on the paneling. "Yeah, but... he can't simply drop Michael home? He has to stay the whole night?"

"Maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on. You're the one who's supposed to know what Kinney's been doing all these three months." Lukas shrugged one shoulder, tucking his hands in his pockets as they strolled down the winding stairs, out of the apartment building and back to the truck.

"Yeah... right... that'll be the day." Ben put Michael's apartment keys in his pocket, climbing back into the passenger seat of Lukas' truck.

Lukas slid in, as well, taking the driver's seat. "You still haven't told him, have you?"

"I think I lost my nerve. I get one look in those brown eyes and... **_poof_**... I can't hurt him. Even with simple words."

"Yet... you're still doing the interviews, huh?" Lukas revved the truck engine, pressing on the gas pedal until he could switch the gears. "And _the filming_?"

"Yeah. The guys are really quite cooperative. Some are... blatantly open, most tend to be oddly shy. I blame that on the camera. For the most part, they've been not only talkative about their experience with Brian... but just their whole _gay_ experiences. It's kind of consoling, in a weird way."

Lukas pulled away from the curb, heading back toward Ben's apartment. "When you film them... do they, uh... start _doing things_ for the camera?" He made a gesture with his right hand like he was stroking his cock.

"Things? Like _what_ things?" Ben bit his lips, trying to play coy.

"Well... when you talk about your sexual history... some tend to feel motivated to touch themselves. Ever see James Spader in ' ** _Sex, Lies and Videotape_** '?... guy was weird as shit... impotent, but god-damn if when he taped these... _women_ , talking so innocently about their sex lives, they'd pleasure themselves right in front of him, camera rolling and all. The guy would watch them later, in private... and whack his monkey. Dude _rocked_. Not to mention... if what you're telling me is correct... they all just got done having _The Best_ sex of their lives in Kinney's bed. I'd think they'd still be raring to go."

"You mean, like, masturbating... or..."

"Jesus, Jamie... do you turn the lights off in the room when you ask them questions?" Lukas reached into his shirt pocket for his smokes, he tapped one out. He threw the carton at Ben. "You fuckin' know what I'm talking about, asshole." He lit up his cigarette butt. He watched Ben pull out one for himself. "I thought you quit, man?"

"I did. I smoke only when my nerves are shot." Ben took the lighter from Lukas' hand. He put the box of cigarettes between them. He covered the end with his hand, lighting the butt. He put the lighter on top of the box. "Mind if I roll down the window?"

"Nah... do it. But don't cry at me if you freeze your fuckin' ass off." Lukas talked with the cigarette dangling from between his full lips, causing Ben to watch them move. "So... you gonna spill about _them boys_ of Kinney's?"

"I'm not telling you _anything_ , Luke. Those tapes are private. Even if some _things_ did happen... you won't ever find out." Ben wasn't sure he liked how the cigarette made Lukas look more sexy and dangerous... fuck-able in the most trashiest and kinkiest of ways. Maybe it was the maturity his friend had gained over the years. Watching your lover die would do that to you. He'd meant to ask Lukas how he was doing with the loss of his longtime boyfriend, the one he _almost_ ** _married_** in Hawaii. But he would save that question for later.

"I can snoop in your place when you're gone."

"I don't keep them in my apartment, jerk."

"Am I taking you back to your place?" Lukas was so disorganized with his thoughts lately, whenever he was in Ben's company these days. He fumbled a lot with his hands, which wasn't something he normally did. He also got tongue-tied at the worst possible moments.

"Uh... yeah... why...?"

"I dunno... I'm feeling a little... _disturbed_..."

"Horny?"

"Uhm... nah... it's a tad more complicated than that."

"What is?"

"I like... _ache_... but not like heart _ache_..." Lukas moved his hand around the center of his chest. "... just ache like when you have a cold or a fever kind of ache."

"I told you my couch wasn't the most comfortable. You're used to sleeping on the floor in sleeping bags. " Ben flicked out his cigarette from the open window, rolling the glass back up. “Sleeping outdoors, under the stars.” He spoke as if he admired the freedoms of his best friend, the ways he was such a free-spirit about everything.

"Come to Hawaii with me over the summer."

Ben smirked, loving the idea. "I can't." Lukas always tended to have lofty dreams.

"Why? It's almost six months away. Big Plans?" Lukas laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling with hilarity.

"I wanted to do some writing this summer. Possibly go back to my family's lake house or... _somewhere_... well, I was hoping to invite Michael along, but..."

"Yeah... plans get put on hold when Michael's involved, huh?"

"I'm not really complaining. Well, as much as I _should_. I just... I want to know we can go on vacations without having to check in with Brian first. And if we do go away together... I don't want him pining for his best friend. It's less of a hassle to just go on my own, not even bring Michael along."

"So why don't you do that. Plan to go yourself. If you two happen to still be _boyfriend y boyfriend_... kidnap him. Hide the cell phone. Don't tell Brian where you two are going."

"I'm not forcing Michael to leave Pittsburgh if he doesn't want to."

"Well, then... _sadly_... you know what you're gonna have to do..."

"What?" Ben couldn't wait to hear _this_ thought.

"Make it a double vacation... like a double date... invite Kinney, as well."

Ben sat, jaw loose and open. "That... would be emotional suicide. Not to mention having to see things like what we saw back at Michael's apartment. No... it has to be a clean slate. No Brian Kinney... at all."

Lukas glanced at Ben from the side of his eyes. "Oh, Christ... you are so dying to get between them... and _you_ _ **know** __it_."

Ben covered both his hands over his face. "I'm a pervert. It's been dormant for too long. I just... _for_ ** _one_** _night_... wanna know what... sets them _on fire_ for one another."

"Sheesh... are you kidding me?! You ain't the only one wanting court-side seats or at least to _play_ ** _once_** in the game. **That** shit... _when_ ** _it_** , or _if_ ** _it_** , ever happens... will be _explosive_. And I'm not simply talkin' 'bout the orgasms."

Ben sighed heavily, wanting to change the subject, which reminded him of something he had been wondering. "Damn... you mentioned something earlier, Luke... and I changed the subject on you."

"What?" Lukas was a little confused.

"You said you were feeling a little _achy_. I suppose you were about to explain to me why... when I..."

"Oh, yeah... right..."

"You know... I can talk about _other_ things besides Brian and Michael. Is it something to do with your father?"

"No... and yes..."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"He liked my last boyfriend -- _Connor_."

"Yeah... _and_..."

"Well... I _didn't_."

"Oh... so conflict of interest. It's your life, Luke. Just 'cause your father liked him doesn't mean you have to."

"I don't know. Our break-up made me step back a bit and look at my life. Ever since Danny passed... _I don't know_...” Lukas became quiet, contemplative as memories of Daniel passed through his mind. “... my life stopped moving so fast. Like it came to some fuckin' standstill and I had to face it...” He almost smacked the palm of his right hand into his face, full front-ways. “... head on..."

"And... you were disappointed?"

"No... I was fuckin' ecstatic!!” Lukas bit back sarcastically. “Shit, yeah... I was disappointed." He flicked his eyes over at Ben. "I guess that's why I came back home for a bit. Got lonely, missed my family. Missed _you_..."

"Well, I'm flattered, Luke, but..."

Lukas rubbed the circumference of the steering wheel, then ended up locking his hands at the bottom rung. "I'll stay if you want me to."

Ben was bewildered. Lukas never stayed in one place for too long, before he was off on another adventure. "Excuse me?"

"If you asked me to, I'll stay in Pittsburgh."

"Why?"

"Because... _in a nutshell, Jamie_... I'm the _only_ family you got here, besides Dad. And you two are more like mentor and student. I don't know how many times I've tried to shield the phone calls from your Mom. She... she really misses you, too, you know."

"Yeah, I DO know. All too well. She can keep missing me until the day I die."

Lukas went numb, breathless... then speechless. "Don't... _please_... don't talk like that..."

"Why not? She and my father made my life a **_living hell_ ** while I was growing up. Took everything in me to get out of that house when I could. Make my own way through life, on my own dime." Ben was staring out the windshield for what seemed like five minutes, then turned to his window to gaze out onto the Pittsburgh skyline. "I'm sad that my father passed before I was able to say goodbye, but... he never wanted me for a son once he found out I was gay. My mother wasn't any different."

"She emails me all those PFLAG PSAs... you know, especially about checking your testicles for prostate cancer." Lukas inwardly shivered, making Ben snicker lightly. "She always reminds me to forward the stupid shit to you too. In case her emails _don't_ get through."

"I get 'em. Then I delete 'em. If that's all she wants to say to me... I've got _no_ time for her."

"I've always wondered... does she know you're sick?"

"Yes... it's why she turned over a new leaf. Suddenly having a dying gay son was more sympathetic than your simple run-o-the-mill homosexual in the family."

"Did your father _ever_ know?"

"No. _Thank God_."

"Would you have told him?"

"I wouldn't have. I'm sure my mother would have, eventually."

"I'm glad you called me when you got the test results. Sorry I couldn't make it over fast enough. My flights weren't connecting right. Out of 48hrs of flying, I think I spent 65% of it in the airport, sleeping on the floor, near the gate."

Ben looked over at Lukas, suddenly realizing the moisture collecting in those wide, fast-blinking green eyes. _Shit!..._ He unbuckled his belt, sliding closer. He didn't merge bodies with him, but he sat near enough to grab one hand. He brought their joining to his chest. "I was honored that you felt you had to come so quickly to my side. After Danny, I wasn't sure you'd want to listen to my tragic life. Your father made a bigger deal out of it than he should have. I knew you'd think I was sick enough to be in the hospital. It meant the world to me to see your face when I woke up."

" _Damn..._ has it really been two years, man? Seems like just yesterday to me. I know for you... living with it, hanging over your head..." Lukas squeezed Ben's hand in his grip. "I owe you so much for all the shit I made you put up with. I wasn't the best roommate in college. So, needless to say, it shocked me when you actually wanted to be my roommate in the outside world."

"You were hardly ever there, Luke." Ben slid his arm along the back of the bench seat behind Lukas' head. "You paid rent on time too. You were like a godsend."

"Competitive surfing took me away from a lot of great things in my life.” Lukas dipped his chin to chest, unsure how he felt about having Ben so close to his side, feeling his warmth, feeling his strength. The not-being-able-to touch-without-thinking-about-Michael was preventing him from simply turning his head to seek a certain comfort. “I'm just now realizing what I may have lost in the long term." He couldn't lift his head and look up at Ben, knowing how intense and intent that mesmerizing blue gaze would be on him.

"Is that what's making you _ache_?" Ben reached out, with just his index and middle finger, to play with the end curls on the nape of Lukas' neck. He had some idea, from all the sand, surf and salt-water, the strands would be coarse and fragile. The silky-softness was a little bewildering, for the moment. Ben wondered what it smelled like, if he buried his face into the head. Then he frowned, because he hadn't had a thought of Lukas like _that_ in years.

"Hell, yeah. Looking at _those_ two... _your boyfriend and his best friend_. Think about it, Jamie... that could well have been us."

"But... I'm not your type."

"Who the fuck told you I had a 'type'?"

Ben chuckled, shaking his head. "No one. I'm only guessing."

"Good, because we love who we love, period. 'Type' doesn't mean a damn thing when it involves the heart."

"You sound like you almost can understand where Brian and Michael are coming from."

"I do."

"Oh? How?"

"Uhm... nope... I haven't had sex with Brian Kinney AND... never will. So you can't turn your camera on me and ask me all those silly, fucked-up interview questions."

"You're just being mean 'cause you want to see the tapes."

"No. I just don't think you're ready to hear what I have to say."

"Fine. Be that way. I got all the time in the world to wait on your ass."

Lukas paused, momentarily, suddenly realizing if Ben had to stop to ponder when he said things like that.

Ben had been looking out the windshield, before he realized he hadn't let Lukas' offer register in his head fully. "You'd really abandon everything in your career to come live with me? And be _what_?"

"Lots of jobs I'm good for out here in the city, Jamie. Water isn't only near the beaches. Plus... who else will you have on your side if Michael should dump your hot ass for Kinney?"

Ben started out with a slow snicker, then just outright chuckled. "You always know how to lift my spirits in times of strife."

Lukas brought over their hands to his lap, caught up in the softness of Ben's skin on his. He wanted to do so much more in this one second of time, but stopped. Only because... Ben didn't need anymore sex complicating his life.

Yeah... sex... sex with Ben... sex with his best friend. Lukas knew he really shouldn't be thinking of these things, not at time like this. Especially since meeting Ben's new boyfriend.

Nah... Lukas couldn't sympathize with Brian Kinney at all.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

 _Michael shifted a bit causing Brian to blink open his eyes. He felt the small arms tighten about his shoulders and biceps. He pressed his forehead into Michael's chest. "... ugh... I should leave..."_

 ___Michael enveloped his body completely around Brian. "No..._ _**please**_ _... don't..." He moaned out his words in desperation. "Ben's not coming over, I guess. 'Sides... ever since Lukas arrived in town Ben's really neglected him."_ __

_"Mmmm..." Brian nuzzled his face into Michael's breastbone. "... that blond guy who was all over you the other night."_

 _Michael smiled cheekily. "Correction._ _**I** _ _was all over_ **_him_ ** _." His hands moved to begin lifting Brian's shirt out of his waistband, so he could touch naked flesh. "Oh... man... that was some wicked shit Anita gave you that night. My pores were tingling. It felt like it was raining on me all the time."_

 _Brian skimmed his fingertips over Michael's bare stomach. "How 'bout now?"_

 _Michael smirked down at Brian. "... but I haven't taken anything..."_

 _"I'll give you something more stimulating than any drug Anita has to offer." Brian came up along Michael's chest to snatch Michael's lips under his, their tongues dueling for dominance. His hand trailed up, under Michael's shirt, exposing a dark, pert nipple. He squeezed the bud between index finger and thumb, tweaking the skin._

 _Michael broke the contact to arch back a little on the cushions. He placed pressure on Brian's head to take the nipple in his mouth. "Jesus..._ **_what_ ** _... Brian..._ **_what are we doing_ ** _?"_

 _"I dunno... want me to stop...?" Brian first licked the circumference of the nipple, then lightly bit with his front teeth. His tongue came out to roll over the tip, causing Michael to quiver._

 _"Uhm... give me a few minutes, but keep doing what you're doing." Michael felt Brian shift them. Oddly... Brian lay on his back, Michael on top. Luscious lips were still suckling at his right nipple. He raised his hands to thread in Brian's hair, then grabbed a hold of the scalp. He slid his chest over, allowing Brian to do the same actions to the left nipple._

 _Brian felt Michael thrusting against his abdomen. He clutched the hips, fingers sinking under the material of the black jeans. He could only get far enough down to spread over the upper curves of Michael's ass. Feeling Michael methodically sink down his body, rubbing his face in his mussed locks, kissing and licking his face... sucking at his neck and collar, then slipping further along to give attention to Brian's own nipples, through his button-down sleeveless shirt. Brian arced his body, gliding Michael down to go even further. "Do it... just... rip it off... don't care..." He could hear the sound of his own voice, cracking with desire._

 _Michael was kissing the exposed portion of skin from the top two open buttons of Brian's upper chest. He'd seen this display countless of times, but for some reason_ **_tonight_ ** _..._ **_right now_ ** _... he was savage about needing to see the bare skin. He clasped both sides of the shirt, yanking roughly. Buttons went flying and threads were frayed. Michael dived in to feast on Brian's tempting flesh._

 _**"** _ **_Oh... gawd... Michael..._ ** _**"** _

_Michael continued on down until he reached Brian's trousers. He undid the belt, then the zipper, tugging down all the clothing to expose Brian's hard cock to his hungry eyes. As he expertly stroked with hand and mouth, finally only his mouth... Michael pulled off his own clothing. The longer his blowjob lasted, the hornier he became. They quickly finished undressing Brian, as well._

 _Brian hefted Michael to straddle his waist, watching the dark head bob with pleasure coursing through his body. His hands flat to Michael's upper chest, Michael snatched them to suckle at each individual finger. They pounded their bodies together without need of penetration... then at the last minute Michael lifted his body high, bending down to kiss Brian's open mouth and ,as he slid back down, Brian's entire length fit inside him._

 _Michael whimpered at the fullness, Brian nearly came from the tightness around his throbbing cock. He grabbed Michael's dick in his hand, stroking and smoothing the pre-cum over the tip._

 _Suddenly... Brian realized something important... "Mikey... Mikey... Michael..." He attempted to catch Michael's attention._

 _Michael lowered his torso over Brian's, rolling his hips and making orgasmic faces. He was kissing and touching Brian's face without a care to how rough he was being. "What?"_

 _"Did we... uh... did we use a condom...?" The last word was broken into two syllables as Michael clenched his anal walls around Brian's cock._

 _"Uhm... well... no, baby... I don't think so..." Michael reached up to latch onto the arm of the couch, for leverage._

 _Michael rose up high, slamming down on Brian's groin, making them both cum so hard...  
_  
... it woke Brian out of a deep sleep, entangled in Michael's arms still...  
 _  
_ ** _HOLY SHIT!? WHAT?!_**

Brian lifted his head a little to look down at them on the couch. Putting a hand to his shirt, he found out it _wasn't_ ripped. In fact, they weren't naked at all. His palm still remained on Michael's bare midriff. Michael's fingers were absently twirling through the hair on the back of Brian's head, sliding down to the nape.

 _Dear God..._ **_only_ ** _a dream..._

"Mikey..."

"Hmmm..." Michael was half-awake, half-asleep... able to chat mysteriously with his eyes closed, eyebrows raised in quandary.

"Did I... uh, _say_ ** _any_** _thing_?" Brian lay his head back down, wondering.

"Well... you woke up a little... told me you 'should leave'... you put your head back down... and went back to sleep..."

"That's **_it_**?"

"Yes. Why?"

"No reason." Brian shook his head, falling into Michael's embrace.

"I guess Ben's not coming over."

 ** _That_ ** was exactly what Michael had said in his dream before they had sex. He couldn't take a chance. "Michael..."

"Huh?"

"Do you have condoms?" ****

 **~~TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

  
**_"Do you have condoms?"_ **

Brian's words made Michael pause, coming fully awake. His fingers still, for a bit, in Brian's hair. "In my apartment? Or on me now? And... pardon me for being nosy, but... why?"

"Just checking." Brian quickly shut his eyes, trying to fall back asleep.

"Ahhh... you back on 'condom patrol'?" Michael pressed his lips to Brian's brow. "Yes, Daddy. I always put my raincoat on even when there's a slight chance of rain showers."

Brian couldn't help but chuckle at Michael's use of vocabulary. "I'm not..." He rubbed a hand over his forehead. "... I realize I can be militant about it, but... I just want you to be extra cautious..."

"Brian... I don't even give Ben head without him wearing one. It's actually quite a different experience... the texture..."

Brian tried to cover his ears from the ringing in his head. "Michael... I don't want to know _that_..."

"What part?" Michael snickered, his fingers skimming over Brian's neck and shoulders, down under his shirt.

"Anything dealing with you... and Ben... and sex... certainly _between_ you two. Just tell me you use them, forgo the details."

"Are you leaving?" Michael squeezed Brian closer.

"Do you want me to?"

"No." Michael punctuated the word with the shake of his head. "My bed can get cold at night, when I'm alone." He kissed Brian on the forehead, rubbing his cheek on the skin.

"And you need the famed Kinney warming blanket, don't you?"

"You _don't_ _ **have**_ to stay, if you have plans." Michael stuck out his bottom lip, when Brian looked up he sucked it in.

"I _do_ have plans... with you." Brian smirked, pressing a quick, hard kiss to Michael's mouth. He jumped out from his scrunched position between Michael and the puffy cushions. He sent down a hand, wiggling his fingers at Michael. "C'mon... let's go to bed. I like snuggling with you, but that fuckin' couch was designed by people who eat bean sprouts and hate human beings and mankind." He rolled out all the kinks in his muscles and bones.

"Emmett will be sadly disappointed. He got it on sale." Michael grabbed for Brian's hand, reaching up to use Brian's torso for more strength to rise.

"If he loves it so much... _when he dies_... we'll bury him on it..." Brian secured an arm about Michael's waist, dipping him slightly over his forearm. "I'd rather lay in bed with you anyway." He turned, his arm slipping back to take Michael's hand as they made their way into Michael's bedroom.

"Oh, my... what's a girl to do!?" Michael put one hand to his flushed cheek. "You're being a little more honest than I'm used to." When they reached the bed frame, Michael put the back of his hand on Brian's forehead. "You okay? You do look a bit frazzled."

Brian was momentarily stunned, only because of the way Michael was touching him after that dream he had. Frazzled? Uhm... yeah, you could say that. "I'm fine. Really. Good. I'm tired, but I'm... fine."

Michael gazed up at Brian under dark lashes. "I can make you relax a bit more."

 **_I bet you could, Michael_ ** , Brian thought as he stared with a stupid grin. "Uh... pardon me, but I'm not tense." 

"You are, you big baby." Michael reached up to cup the broad shoulders. "You're all stiff and fidgety. You've touched your collar, like, ten times already. That means _something_ is on your mind... something is bothering you..."

Brian felt his face go numb, smile frozen. "Work, is all... and... life... sucking, in general."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it." He let his fingers trickle down Brian's chest. "Take off your shirt."

It was an easy request, but Michael may as well have asked Brian to " _fuck him good and hard_ ". "Huh?"

"Take Off. Your Shirt."

"It's my nipples, isn't it?"

"My turn... uhm... HUH?"

"Wait..." Brian closed his eyes, attempting to recall the chain of events that led to them having sex in his dream. Had _**he**_ wanted to suck Michael's nipples or had _**Michael**_ wanted to suck...? "... what did you say?"

Michael was about ready to hysterically crack up laughing. He was right in front of Brian with no chance of him **not** hearing a word he said. "I asked you, nicely, to take off your shirt. Is it **that** difficult to do?" He raised his fingers to reach for the buttons. "I can help."

"No!" Brian brought up his hand, palm out. He was warding off Michael's possible ferocious unbuttoning skills. "Stay... back. Even though it looks trashy, it's retro fashion. This shirt cost me a small fortune to be torn in all the right places. I'm not letting you simply... rip... it off me like some..."

"Brian... are you high?" Michael crossed his arms over his chest, squinting at his best friend.

"Uh... I'm sleepy, which is worse. Especially when my dreams are so vivid and _feel so real_..."

"Was **I** in it?"

"Yes." Brian lowered his eyes, playing with his third button.

"Did **I** rip your shirt in the dream?"

"Yeah..." Brian closed his eyes in blissful torture. "... you did..."

"Well... I'm sorry..." Michael tried hard **not** to bust out laughing.

"Michael..."

"I'm beginning to understand why I may have ripped the damn thing off you. Did you grow a third nipple?"

"No." Brian genuinely chuckled, finally. The numbness wearing off his face.

"Okay, fine then. Turn around... lay face down on the bed." Michael twirled his finger to show Brian what to do, but he wouldn't move.

"Why?" Brian's hazel eyes went wide, curious.

"Oh..." Michael smacked a hand to his head. "... Lord... this night is gonna be very long."

"Michael..."

Michael was growing frustrated that something was making Brian act this way and it may have _everything_ to do with his dream. _The one where he ripped Brian's shirt off of him_. Yeah... so helpful. "Great... okay... how about... you simply stand where you are. **I** will come around **you**..." He did, moving to face Brian's back. "... I'll do it standing up..."

"Mikey, I..." Brian even tried to turn his torso away.

Michael wasn't hearing anything. He forced Brian to face forward, the curve and wide expanse of his back to him. He began massaging Brian's lower muscles to come up the spine, then across the clenched shoulder blades. " **Not** tense, my cute butterball ass..." He grumbled under breath as he moved up Brian's neck. "This would be so much easier for both of us on the bed."

Brian couldn't stop chuckling, knowing what he was thinking about Michael and what he _could do_ to his body. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, making sure Michael stepped backward a few inches. He let the material slide down his skin to end up caught in one hand. He swiveled around to kiss Michael thoroughly, pressing his lips down the short expanse of neck, one arm wrapped about the tiny waist. "I'm sorry. I've been acting very naughty. I'll lay down on the bed and you can do... _whatever_..." His nose drifted over Michael's face, eyes on his open lips. "... you wanted to do with me." He threw the shirt to land on the top of Michael's dresser, then crawled to lay down on the left side of the mattress, doing exactly what he promised.

Michael nearly came **and** cried, only because he loved it when Brian got this sentimentally sweet and provocative. He watched Brian lay face down, folding his arms and laying on them. Oh... my... so many things TO DO with Brian in this position. Instead, Michael chose to find the massage oil someone had given him one Christmas. He climbed over Brian to sit on the right side of the mattress. He opened the oil bottle, the delicious scent wafted up to his nostrils before he poured it out. "Whoa... you... are gonna smell good enough to eat."

Brian flipped his head over to look at Michael with one eye. "Does it smell like buttered popcorn?"

"No." Michael giggled uncontrollably. What _the hell_ was wrong with Brian?

"Good." Brian flipped his head to face away.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I know how crazy you get for buttered popcorn... and, sadly, I need my sleep tonight."

"Understood. Have to agree... I _do_ _ **love**_ my popcorn buttered." Michael dipped low to speak into Brian's ear, which allowed him to sneak over Brian's body, straddling him. "Have I told you how horny I get when I smell coconut oil?" He poured a generous amount in his palm, before he recapped the bottle. He started at Brian's neck muscles and across his shoulders, rubbing the sweet scented oil on Brian's naked back.

Brian dragged a pillow over to rest his head on. "Liar."

"Okay. But if I should attack, don't say I never warned you." Michael applied pressure to Brian's mid-spine, rolling out to the side of his rib cage.

"Bananas."

"Huh?" Michael chuckled again. What was going on in Brian's mind tonight?

"I like the smell of bananas... and, uh... cotton candy..."

"Thanks for sharing." Michael bent low to rub his cheek against Brian's stubble. "Go to sleep, Brian."

"Wake me up if you decide to have your way with me. I don't want to miss a thing."

  
"I promise." Michael kissed Brian's side burn, nuzzling his ear. He was making his way toward the lumbar spine. 

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Goodnight..."

" 'Night, Michael..." Brian shut his eyes and was gone like a light turning off. His body loosening and less tense.

Brian was out again... stuck on an island... thinking he was all by his lonesome with his pet monkey, Coco-Nuts. That was until he stumbled upon a native of the island, who looked _a lot_ like Michael. The tall palm trees, lining the beach, bore cartons of buttered popcorn. Michael came bearing scrumptious gifts of bananas and cotton candy. They were _instantly_ attracted, though neither understood what the other spoke. Both barely wearing any clothes, so much less to take off. They fucked liked animals, savage beasts... and STILL not a damn condom in sight!!

Fuckin' dreams!!

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Michael was simply being decent, cleaning out his closet in case Ben, one day, would want to store some clothes over here. He heard the noise before he could actually prepare himself for a crazed, rabid animal attack. He saw the furry animal scurry across the carpet, heading toward the outer room of the apartment. He chased it, shutting his bedroom door. He cornered it in the kitchen; it was hiding under the refrigerator coils, making all kinds of squeaks and grunts. He picked up a broom and a mop, hoping the long handles gave him that **"I wouldn't touch that filthy animal with a ten foot pole"** vibe.

If it was under the fridge, then it couldn't do much but hide along the wall; its beady eyes popped out to check if Michael had disappeared or not. Maybe it was waiting for him to scream like a frightened girl. He hopped up on the counter, making it look like he had left. He could almost see the snout poking out from under the front grate.

"You... _little_... _**shit**_..." Michael's eyes got wide and fascinated.

How to outwit a scruffy rat... or small gerbil... _hamster_?

_Damn..._ he wished he had some kind of chemical to spray in its face to douse it into unconsciousness, throw it back outdoors and pray it woke up out of the chemical coma. But... nah... Emmett had made him get rid of all the toxic sprays going for the more _Mother Earth, Hug-A-Tree, Save The Whales_ kind of animal homicide... _mouse traps._ Yea, technology! The rats were too smart; they kicked the shit out of the traps, kept finding ways to steal the cheese without getting caught. Emmett wouldn't believe him. 

Well... now a human was here. And this human didn't care for any smart-ass rats invading his private domain.

Michael waited for the right moment, able to see the beady eyes for himself... before he pounced. And when he did... he caught the rat between the bristles of the broom and the mop hair. The thing squealed as if it was a newborn piggie. "God Dammit... you're a noisy fucker!" He maneuvered his way toward his front door, willing to try opening the knob with his elbows... but lucky for him... someone chose to visit.

A knock sounded.

"Come in! It's unlocked!" Michael bit his tongue, masterminding a way to let go of this wretched dirty creature the second that door opened wide.

"Mikey... what did I tell you..." Brian was about ready to admonish Michael for leaving his door unlocked when a mouse ran over his three-hundred dollar Italian leather loafers. "Fuckin' bullshit!" He slid out of the way, behind Michael.

"Ah-ha... _**run Forest run**_!" Michael bent low to send the rat scurrying across his hardwood floor and out into the hallway. He wiped at his eyes, in feigned sadness. "He'll never write... of course he never paid rent, either." Then leaned on his two _helpers_ , _broom and mop_ , as he watched Brian stare at him in wide wonder. "Hey... were you missing a rat? 'Cause apparently **I** had one all this time."

"Ew... tha's fuckin' nasty."

Michael went to shut his door. He pulled down an old sweatshirt, rolling it into a rope-like shape, then stuffed the material at the under lip of the door. "There. Hope that'll stop him from returning."

"Where did he come from?"

"His rat mommy and his rat daddy."

"Duh... no... where did you find the rat?"

"My closet."

"See... normal gay people just have skeletons, Mikey." Brian took off his leather jacket then his suit jacket. He rolled up his sleeves, loosened his tie. "Take me to the crime scene."

"Bedroom. Closet." Michael pointed with the handles of the broom and mop as he put them away. He followed quickly behind Brian.

"Jesus Christ... did _the rat_ do this?" Brian was looking at all the stuff that had fallen or was thrown out of the closet all on the floor.

"Yeah... apparently _**my**_ kind of rat-infestation knows how to kung-fu fight. Plus he had this mean temper, kept throwing shit at me." Michael threw up his hands in surrender. "Look... I'm trying to clean this closet out. I guess he was burrowed in there... _god knows where_... and he made a scratchy noise. Then just flew out at me."

"Rat's don't fly."

"This one did."

"Yeah... you're Object-Throwing-Kung-Fu-Fighting rat..." Brian stepped into the closet, itself, looking up. "Ah-ha... you have a hole in your closet, Mikey."

"So he **did** fly?"

"Looks like it." Brian turned around to reached up to pull down some blankets stored up on the shelf. "... and here was where he lay his little rat head." He lowered the fleece blanket to show Michael where the rat turd droppings were and some mysterious looking cheese.

Michael made a face. "Gross."

"Get some garbage bags. Looks like this closet needs a serious overhauling."

"Uh... _wait_... why are you here? It's two o'clock in the afternoon. Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Could say the same for you." Brian smirked, then blinked slowly. "Afternoon off. Thought I'd stop by. Store was closed, so I came over here. And... got accosted by your pet rat." Brian made a quick gesture to show he wasn't going to hold this blanket forever. "Would it help if I said 'please'?"

"Oh, yeah... _sorry_. Back in a jiff." Michael spun around, heading to the kitchen to grab some tall garbage bags. He returned and they threw whatever was in that pile in first.

"Sit on the bed. I'll hand you things. You tell me what you wanna _keep_ or _throw away_."

"Cool. This'll go by so much faster with you here."

"It's why I was born, Mikey... to serve _your_ needs." Brian took off his tie, opening his shirt, down one or two buttons. "Okay... _top to bottom_ or _bottom on up_?"

"Uhm... let's go through the mess out here on the floor, work our way in. So that would be... _bottom on up_." Michael watched Brian slip his loafers off and sit down on the floor, Indian style.

"Oh... I'm warning you now... anything I pick up with a slight smell of urine... or wearing rat turds as decoration... I'm throwing it out. Got it?"

"Yes, sir." Michael saluted, leaning forward to see what Brian could get his hands on first.

They worked through most of the stuff pretty quickly. Brian figured all of what he picked up was trash-like, but Michael had some kind of sentimental value attached to them. But he had a great way to make Michael prove to him he could live with or without out the collection of Archie Comic Pez heads. Not only today, but Brian did that with most of everything. The garbage bag of trash growing, they went into the second bag.

Brian reached for a nice, leather bound book. Looked almost like part of an encyclopedia set. But when he opened it... it had writing on the lined pages like a journal. "Hey... wha-..." He started reading and he couldn't close his mouth fast enough from the shock.

" _What_? What's _that_? A year book?"

"No... a _journal_." Brian glanced quickly at Michael, his mind wandering. "Has Ben moved some of his stuff in, by any chance?"

"Uhm... some, but nothing major. Why?" Michael jumped off the bed to come down to sit on the floor with Brian.

Brian quickly shut the book. He closed his eyes in sudden grief. _Holy Shit..._

"C'mon, Brian... lemme see... can't be _that_ bad."

"Is Ben writing a novel... of some kind?"

"I don't know. He could be, but why would he have it sitting _here_... _in my closet_? He'd do better having it in his apartment." Michael saw that Brian wasn't budging to let him open the book. "Is it _really_ _ **that**_ bad?"

"No... it's, uh... _good_. So good... it looks like near porn." Brian gently set the book in Michael's lap. "I'm sure there's a good explanation for this. Don't..." He placed his palm flat on the cover. "... jump to conclusions." He let Michael open the book to read on as he returned to shuffle through what was still by his side, and falling out of the closet, on the floor.

" _Oh... my..._ " Michael turned one page, his brown eyes skimming the writing. "This... is really... _really_... _**good**_... porn..." He turned the book all the way back to the first page. There was no real indication of a title or if this thing was a fake. He shook the the pages upside down, hoping something incriminating would fall out.

And _something_ did...

"Oh, Brian..."

"What?" Brian wiped his hands of dust, turning to face Michael.

"Look at _this_..." Michael handed Brian the scribbled notes, transcribed in fading pencil.

****** _Ask men... why they chose Brian Kinney over anyone else in the club... make sure they..._ _go into_ _**great** _ _detail about what attracted them first... over what distracted them later. Nine times out of ten... the fucks are staged. Men vying for Kinney's time, all to gain some kind of notch on their belt or headboard. They use him to gain pride in themselves of having conquered a man like him. Need to know what draws them in. Need to know what makes Kinney tick. Need to know... why Michael cannot not resist him, either. BIG POINT - Your final thesis addition... which will prove or disprove whole theory._ _ ****** _

Brian sat back, drawing his legs up to bend. He simply kept staring at the note, his mind a jumbled mess of images. _**What. The Fuck?!**_

"Brian... what does _this_ mean?" Michael glanced down at the open journal in his hands. "Is _this_ some kind of journal... _based on_ _ **you**_?" He hurriedly turned to the first page, again, hoping for some clues. "I don't... I'm not..." He was flipping back and forth, not seeing one bit of proof what the hell he was looking at.

Brian looked over at Michael, tenderly placing a hand over his wrist. "Stop it. Stop doing that to yourself."

"Brian... I don't... I don't understand."

"I think **I** do."

"Really. Wha-- _what_ is it?"

"Your boyfriend, The Professor."

"Ben? What _about_ _**him**_?" Michael moved to lean against Brian's legs. He threw the book off in the distance on the floor. Already not liking it or what it could possibly stand for.

"Has Ben told you _any_ thing concerning this... _thesis_? Some kind of _paper_ he has to write in order to save his job?"

"What?! He's told me nothing about his job at Carnegie. And... how would you know _this_... and not **me**?"

"He came to me... about two-n-half months ago, I think... wanting me to willingly participate in some kind of character study for this thesis he's writing for a Psychology professor."

"What? Why **you**?"

Brian shrugged, his eyes darting away. "He told me... something came up with his contract negotiations. That the school was looking to clean house a bit by stating there was a rule in all the tenured contracts saying in order to teach _such-n-such_ a class... you'd need _this_ degree... and on this one, _that_ degree. In some classes, you'd need double degrees. So... the administration board delved deeply into their contract negotiations for this year and found 10 of their professors in flagrant violation of this new rule, that they claim has been sitting on the books _for years_. They were only looking to fire one or two, but ten? That was over half their staff. The alumni won't allow them to do _that_. Sooooo... with each teacher... they've investigated enough to find out what they would need to _acquire_ that degree, in a short amount of time... or these tenured contracts would NOT be renewed."

"I still don't understand why **you** are the subject?" Michael wrapped his arm about Brian's legs, rubbing the trouser material.

"C'mon, Michael... look at it... me and Bruckner. _Now_ we're total opposites... but we _once_ had the same sexual pattern. He got sick, I'm still healthy. He's dating you, you and I are best friends. Do the 'dots' not connect in your head or do I have to draw it out for you?"

"No.. I think I _get it_ , but... I'm a little confused, is all."

"You're feeling left out, Mikey."

"What did you tell him?"

"I agreed, _at first_."

"Why?"

"For **you**."

" **Me**? But that doesn't..."

"I know how much Bruckner means to you. If keeping you happy means keeping The Professor here in The Pitts... I'll _do_ _ **any**_ _t_ _hing_ for you."

"Oh, Brian..." Michael felt his eyes tearing up.

"Hey... _**hey.**_.." Brian sat up to hug Michael close to his chest. "... it was really not _that_ bad, _a small sacrifice_." He pulled away, reaching up to swipe under Michael's dark lashes. "But he got deep, in some places... and I got scared. I discovered what this paper would _really_ say about me... and I chickened out. I told him not to question me anymore. I guess... he was able to work around that." He looked at the scribbled note in his hand.

Michael wiped under his eyes with his shirt sleeves. "We have to talk to him. See what's actually happening. I don't..." He reached out to cup Brian's cheek. "Looking at that journal... I can't imagine what the paper's gonna read like." He let his thumb play over Brian's lips. "I can't believe Ben would disregard my feelings and just... _ **burst**_ into your private life. A private life I'm a part of, in some small ways."

"His thesis must be due pretty soon. What I don't like is the comment about you. How do they think you would disprove any kind of theory Ben conjured up? I'm not fully understanding what I was told earlier by Ben. If I agreed to it in the beginning, he never said you'd be brought in. I wouldn't have put you on the spot like that. You know that, right?" Brian reached up to cup Michael under the neck, gently shaking him.

"Yes, I do. But... I really could care less about me. I'm more worried about how you're coming across. You think Ben got to the men you've had sex with?"

Brian nodded his head. "Possible. I have noticed a few eyes looking at me quite joyously in Babylon. Like the cat-who-ate-the-canary type grins."

"Jesus..." Michael closed his eyes in sorrow. "I can't imagine what made Ben want to do something like _this_ to you... _through_ _ **me**_."

Brian placed his hand on Michael's chest. "He's still **Ben** , Michael. He got pushed into a corner. I'd have reacted the same, though I would have been more eloquent with telling that school board they could kiss my white-bred, faggoty, non-degree havin' ass."

"What do we do _now_?"

 

~~TBC... 


	4. Chapter 4

  
"It's in _your_ hands, Michael. I'll follow _your_ lead. You know how I feel about this already, but if you want me to do this... _to save Ben's job and keep him here_ ... **I'll do it** ." 

"I know." Michael bent to kiss Brian's lips. "I know." He hugged Brian close in his arms. "I have to think this through fully. More than anything... I don't like what's being done _to_ _ **you**_ , for the sake of some stupid paper."

"That stupid paper may make or break your boyfriend's career, Michael."

"I'm beginning to wonder... what _exactly_ is motivating Ben to do this... and not tell me at all. Even after approaching you. I should know about this situation... _and I don't_. I feel like my life could move on without me and I wouldn't even have a clue where it's going."

"Maybe he thought he could get it done, free and clear. No worries to you."

"But... I'm part of this piece. I'm apparently the only thing left to _prove or disprove_ something about your sexuality."

"That I'm gay?" Brian teased, lightly, wanting to see Michael smile. It happened, only slightly.

"Yeah... that's what an entire thesis and this journal is making a point of... **IS BRIAN KINNEY GAY**?"

"Maybe to prove I actually exist."

"Brian... that's even more idiotic than the last one."

"No... I should have said it the way it sounded in my head."

"What?"

"You are the catalyst to prove or disprove that I, actually, have a heart?"

Michael's mind pondered the idea, his eyes zeroing in on Brian's face. "Think it's possible?"

" _That I have a heart_?"

"No..." Michael pushed playfully at Brian's chest. "... that you..." He watched Brian grab for his hand, around the wrist. "Brian... what are you...?"

Brian held onto Michael's hand, undoing the next three buttons of his shirt. He took Michael's fingers and placed them inside, directly on the center of his chest. "Go ahead... _dare you_... find it for yourself... prove or disprove the theory... _right now_..."

Michael could see the frustrations building in Brian's eyes, his mind whirling about to try and find some semblance of balance. Someone had knocked over his sand castle and was bullying him to do something he wasn't normally comfortable with. The tears gathered of no consequence in dark brown eyes, Michael leaned over to press his lips to Brian's mouth. Not really kissing, just breathing against open lips. "I feel _**it**_... even touching you _here_..." He let his fingertips rest on bare skin. "I don't need to lay my hand directly over it to know it exists." His palm lay flat to the breast bone, sliding over to hit the pert nipple. "Is this what they want to see me do... to prove or disprove Ben's thesis? **'Cause I'll do it...** " He swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes boring into Brian's closed lids. "... I'll do whatever you need me to do to make sure they know the real you, Brian. Even if it means embarrassing the shit out of myself with crack logic and fucked-up sentiments." His palm now lay above the strongest point of the heart beating. It was erratic and frantic, having picked up speed the closer Michael came to touching Brian's heart.

Brian wrapped one arm about Michael's body, holding him close. "Kiss me." His voice broke with emotion.

"Always." Michael leaned forward more, lips softly laying on quivering lips. "Don't be scared..." He breathed into Brian's mouth. "I won't let them hurt you. They can't hurt us no matter how hard they try or how deeply they think they can pick our brains apart. No one will ever know who we really are. It doesn't even have to be real truths you tell. Just speak and appease them. It's what they want. Shock value, huh?"

"Michael... if I talk... I'm gonna be as honest as I can be in the company of you... and Ben. _Nothing more, nothing less_."

Michael nodded his head. "You'd even tell them what was in _here_?" He caressed Brian's heart, rubbing the backs of his fingers up and down the bare skin.

"Yes... it's about time to set it free."

"Then we both agree. Me, you and Ben... and _a little bit of honesty_."

"You don't _have_ to do this."

"It's moot, Brian. Plus... Ben gets to keep his job.” Michael's facial expressions seemed to follow his quick mood of melancholy. As if Ben belonged somewhere else, not in his life. “That'll be nice for him. He's such a good teacher."

"Mikey... don't give up on him. He could have a perfectly good explanation that I haven't figured out yet."

"He's messing with you, Brian. Ben knows how I feel about you... and he still went behind my back."

"I like knowing you have my back. Tiny, yet tough." Brian leaned his forehead against Michael's. "I suddenly don't want to do anything, but be here... _with you_."

"Me too."

"My loft doesn't have _any_ rats."

"Are you inviting me over for a _play_ date?"

"We haven't had a Brian and Michael Night in awhile. Let's say we dump our normal plans and just... _chill_."

"I can play hooky from my boyfriend?"

"Let him stew. We'll bring the journal with us, just so he knows who he's playing with."

"Oooo... I like your sneaky tactics, Kinney."

"Novotny... you ain't seen nothing yet..."

Michael was quickly sent to lay down on his back on his bedroom floor, while Brian tried to use the mini-pom pom he'd found to annoy the shit out of his best friend. Actually, he was simply trying to distract him so they could enjoy the evening like they had done years before... when it was just them against the world.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben walked in through the doorway, after a long day in his office. His satchel slung over his chest. "Yo! Luke!" He rolled his bike over to the hooks on the wall where he hung it up.

"Present!" Lukas called from the second bedroom. He came out, tugging a t-shirt over his head. He wore long knee-length Khaki shorts.

Ben got a quick glimpse of Lukas' hairy, muscular chest as the torso quickly was covered by the thin cotton. "Did I get any calls?" He plopped the mail on the table, throwing his keys and wallet next. He looked at the non-blinking answering machine light. Off came his satchel strap and jacket.

"Nah, man... was I supposed to listen for someone?" Lukas sniffled, rubbing at his nose. He leaned his chest on the doorjamb.

"You okay?" Ben squinted his eyes toward Lukas' reddened face.

"Yeah... _why_?" Lukas swiped one palm over his exhausted features.

"You look like you've been..."

"Crying?"

"Yeah... did something...?" Ben slowly approached his best friend, fear in his wide blue eyes.

"I called Danny's Mom." Lukas' head kept lowering, his hand rubbing at his face.

"Oh." Ben was a bit relieved, but he could still see Lukas was affected by the conversation.

"It's his birthday this weekend. She still has a hard time the week before. I try to call her at least once a day, share some kind of memory with her. Then she breaks down and gets me all started and then it this fuckin' Steel Magnolia Boo-Hooing Fest..."

Ben simply walked over and hugged Lukas to his chest. "I'm so sorry I couldn't go to Hawaii to meet him before the wedding." He let his left hand gently pet the back of the curly hair. "I wanted to." He drew away to look down at Lukas' handsome features. He wiped at a few drops that had escaped without knowing.

Lukas' green eyes filled with moisture. "I had planned on asking you to be my Best Man." He finally lifted his head, green staring directly into blue.

"Oh, Fuck... _really_?" Ben bit his lip, not knowing what to say next.

"Yeah. Danny was looking forward to meeting you. Shit! I talked about you enough, he thought he already _did_ know you."

Ben clamped a hand over Lukas' nape. "You wanna go out tonight or stay in?"

" _Stay in._ " Lukas looked down at his unkempt clothes. "I'm not really at my prettiest." He stood up, taller, away from Ben's touch.

"I like this 'look' on you." Ben rubbed a hand down Lukas' bare arm. "I'm familiar with it. It's **you**."

Lukas shook off the arm, hoping Ben didn't take offense. "What about Michael?" He didn't want to be the reason for anything wrong going on between Ben and Michael.

"What **_about_** Michael?"

"Don't you two have plans or something?"

"Michael's been after me to spend some time with you. Maybe I'll take him up on his offer."

"Really?" Lukas' eyebrow rose in peculiarity. "He thinks _**we**_ should spend more time together?"

"Luke... this is the man who has Brian Kinney for a best friend."

"Yeah, but neither of us are pining for one another and... _last time I checked_... you liked dark-haired impish men who make you live out your 'Daddy' fetishes."

"Michael's our age, Luke."

"Yeah?"

"Give or take a few years." Ben rubbed Lukas' shoulder joint, moving away to sit on the couch. He picked up his duffel bag of faked journals and took them out, one by one. He'd been meaning to "number" them so it would be easier to catalog the writing when he finally decided to make them into a novel. But as he sat there... he was noticing something very odd. For one second, he was scared, as if he knew what had happened. _What he had most feared_.

" _What_? What is _**it**_? What's wrong?" Lukas could hear the desperation in Ben's sigh, see the frustration building on his face.

Ben counted and recounted, fast then slow, to make certain. He had stored the journals away, secretly, in a closet. A closet that he shared with Michael in his apartment, but hidden nonetheless. Granted he'd placed them in one of his old gym duffel bags, but what would give Michael cause to go in it, even out of curiosity? He'd brought them home with him the other night, thinking that he was safe.

Ben sat back on the couch, palms on the tops of his knees and his fingers splayed over his kneecaps. He sighed heavily, the truth forefront in his mind. "I think... I think I'm missing one." All he could do was stare straight ahead.

Lukas looked at the packed duffel bag to Ben's stunned face. "You... you are _so fucked_ , my friend."

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben didn't know if he should participate or not tonight. Maybe he'd just be an observer, see what came out of Brian and Michael's encounter. He had a feeling one interview wouldn't be enough. This would have a possibility of happening a second or third time. He was beginning to understand Brian Kinney almost as good as Michael. Ben also knew Michael, _inside and out._ Although Ben was pretty sure there remained a side to Michael he wasn't privy to, especially when alone with Brian. And when Brian had his best friend all to himself. Brian... well, Ben was assuming he was even more different in this manner, as well.

Ben walked out of the taxi cab, heading toward Red Cape's front door. The **CLOSED** sign had been flipped, but Michael could still be seen inside. He always closed out the registers, fixing up the bank deposits. He would drop them off once he left the store in the evening.

Ben reached for the door handle to step inside, bells jangling to announce his entrance. He knew the door was already unlocked since he told Michael he would be stopping by to pick him up. They could share a taxi to Brian's loft.

Never failed to kick start Ben's heart to glance over at the bowed dark-head and feel confident he knew this man loved him to distraction. Not only had Michael told him a thousand times, but that body... _jesus, that incredible body, when it was naked and wanting..._ the skin permeated whatever emotion Michael felt in that moment. Michael's touch was equally as truth-telling.

So... why was Ben so _curious_? _Curious to the draw between best friends_?

Ben knew Michael was upset with him, because Michael had been coming to bed late, leaving their bed early. He had neither kissed Ben deeply, nor initiated sex. Some nights Ben had woken to find Michael asleep on the couch, TV playing low in the background. Michael had stated the words " **I love you** " plenty of times, but the sentiment simply passed over lips and not reached those eyes. Rich chocolate brown eyes that were usually guaranteed to smile immediately after the original action.

"Michael..."

The dark head lifted, dark brown eyebrow rose in response. No words. Mouth was pinched as he jotted something down on a slip of paper, clicking keys on his keyboard.

"You ready?"

Michael cleared his throat, scratching at the side of his nose. He flipped through a few sheets of paper that were clipped to his board. "Last bit of my invoices for the day to log in. I'll be ready in five minutes."

 

That was it. _**Period** _ . 

Ben always liked wandering around the store floor. Michael changed something about a display, on a daily basis, or had a new comic book featured along the walls. "Take your time." He tucked his hands in his jean pockets, pacing the hardwood flooring. He could clearly recall the day he walked in here... took one look at the face of the man behind the counter and... became _breathless_. He had to admit, Michael never looked any older than his early twenties. He had been hesitant to even introduce himself; comic books were never his style of reading material. In fact, Ben used to make fun of them. That was until he realized who and what certain gay and lesbian young adults revered as _their heroes_. Countless of them citing... _eesh_ , super heroes. What a laugh. But then Ben decided one day to check out an actual comic store, for himself, filled with comic books and, hopeful, that the store manager was savvy about comics and their heroes. And here he was with a man like Michael Novotny in his life... _and what the hell was he trying to do, ruining the good thing he had going with a great guy_?

"Brian's waiting for us at the loft. I don't want to keep him... well, _waiting_..." Michael was doing some fast work with his fingers on the keys, then used the mouse accordingly.

"Michael... you don't..."

Michael sighed, shaking his head in utter exhaustion. Not only had he been dreading tonight, the day hadn't been so swell either. "I don't have to... _what_ , Ben?" He raised weary eyes to look over at Ben, standing in the center of his store.

"Neither of you _have_ to do this... _**tonight**_."

"Still has to be done, though, right?" Michael broke his gaze from Ben's steely eyes, struck by how much emotion they were conveying to him through his glasses. Why wasn't he wearing his contacts? "I'm not having getting you fired on my conscience. Took me _this long_ to find you; I'm not losing you over some _stupid_ mishap. No. Thank you."

Ben folded his arms over his chest, quirking his head to one side. He didn't know if he liked Michael thinking he was to blame for any of this situation. He certainly never counted on Michael feeling this much guilt over everything. "It's really not as bad as they make it seem, Michael. I can still negotiate my tenure contract to work around their stupid fuckin' rules."

Michael was packing up his items, storing things under the counter. He finished up his typing on the computer screen, pausing to wait awhile for the system to register his actions. "I don't want us jumping through 'loopholes' now... only to find ourselves four or five years down the road doing this same shit all over again."

Ben was momentarily stunned into quiet. This was the first he'd heard of _this_ thought. "You really see US... together... _five years_ from now?" He found it tougher to project into the future sometimes. Only satisfied with going _year by year_. Which was why most people with HIV tended to stick with their own kind, much simpler to think small scope then broader range. Little chance of failing someone's expectations.

"Yeah... don't **you**?" Michael did glance up one last time, hope in his eyes that he hadn't spoke out of turn. Why did Ben ask a question like _that_ and in _that_ kind of shocked tone?

"Michael..." Ben decided to change the subject or mainly... avoid the sub-topic. "... I'll have the degree I need by then. I'll have the letters after my name needed to be certified and... well, 'teaching' won't be the priority it is now. My main source of income. I could have my third or fourth book published and..."

Michael paused, letting Ben's words wash over him. "I'm **not** a coward."

"Of course not. I didn't say you were."

"So... why don't you think I can do this?" Michael pursed his lips, frustrations building. His body went tense, the start of willing to defend himself and Brian at the ready.

"I know you can."

"But... you just said I could back out. Like you think I can't tolerate what you've asked of me... _and Brian_." Michael said that last portion under his throat. _God..._ he couldn't stop thinking about Brian at all today. Probably what made him the butterfinger-klutz the whole day. Dropping things and tripping over his own feet and objects on the floor that were never normally in his way. It was like he was in a haze or a scuzzy daydream.

"Maybe I'm starting to realize _what_ I've asked of you both. That it might be _too much_."

Michael didn't mean for his mouth to hang open for that long. He closed his jaw. "Why? You said so yourself... it could be the exact obstacle he and I need to hurdle over... move on... each other's Achilles heel." He was only reiterating the words out of Ben's own mouth.

"Michael..." Ben closed his eyes, knowing how much right Michael had to throw his comments back in his face.

"Both Brian and I _know_ what we're doing. We _know_ what we're about ready to risk... _somewhat_. If at all."

"Maybe... well, maybe you'll get lucky and it won't happen _tonight_." Ben attempted to tease, but it wasn't registering on Michael's humor radar.

"Yeah... 'luck'. **That** 's what's been eluding me all these years." Michael looked over at Ben, noticing he hadn't brought anything with him. Not even his tan satchel full of notebooks. "So... where's all the stuff? Thought you said you might end up filming us. No camera?"

"Uh... Luke... he has my things. In fact..." Ben rolled over his wrist to check his watch. "... he probably dropped everything off at the loft about thirty minutes ago."

"Shit!" Michael exclaimed as he dug through his pants' pockets to find his cell phone. "I promised Brian I'd call to let him know we'd be on our way over." As his fingers touched a lone key, his phone rang.

 **_ "... 'Lo?" _ ** Brown eyes lowered at being yelled at. **_ "Yeah... I know, I know... I'm sorry... Yes, Ben just got here..." _ ** He leaned up a little on the counter to rest on his phone hand, his fingertip tracing the lighted glass underneath. _"... yeah... I know... uh-huh..."_ He rubbed lightly over his chin and jaw. _"... sure, sure..."_ His eyes darted over to Ben's piercing gaze. _"... well, I don't really know... yes... of course..."_ He soothed a shaking hand over his brow. **_ "... no, no... I'm  _ ** **_**not** _ ** **_. Seriously... I'm  _ ** **_**not** _ ** **_." _ ** His voice became low timbered, private and hushed. _"... I WANT to do this... WHY?..."_ He glanced up at his store's ceiling as if he could see answers up there. _"... uhm..."_ He chuckled bittersweetly, a smirk on his lips. _"Maybe I'm as curious as Ben is. Brian... look..."_ He cleared his throat, making sure he could speak coherently and calmly. _"... if you want out, now is the time to say something..."_ He covered a hand over his face. _"Why do you say it like_ _**that** _ _?... think about it. Really hard. Each time it could have happened, something or one of us stopped it... I dunno..."_ He shrugged one shoulder, his body curling into itself. **_ "... what do YOU think it's been?..." _ ** Michael let out a near riotous laugh, changing his somber features to genuine pleasure. _"I always knew you were a perv... yes... right... of course... uh-huh..."_ He bit his bottom lip, rolling his eyes. _"Quit it... no... I'm not hearing that shit right now... no, I won't... uh, 'cause you can't_ _**make me** _ _..."_ He wiped at his lids, coming away with a bit of moisture on his fingertips. He swiped them on his jeans. _"... yeah... same here... always will...”_ Now he was shielding his eyes from Ben's gaze. _"Jesus Christ... don't do this to me now... why?... because... why?... because it's not fair to anyone involved... yeah, I know... yes... always..."_ He shut his eyes to the ache. _"... yes, Brian... me, too... uh-huh, just finishing up here. Ben and I will probably be at your place in the next twenty-five minutes... no... can't promise any sooner... nope..."_ He shook his head as if Brian could see him move. **_ "Wrong. I have bank deposits to drop off... yeah? well, maybe one day you can kick The Man in the nutsack for me. He keeps ME and my store thriving and my money safe." _ ** For the first time in days, Michael had the most radiant smile plastered on his lips. 

Ben almost shed a tear from the beautiful sight... and the way Michael's body alighted with color and excitement.  
 **  
** ** _"Asshole!"_** Michael blushed, barking into the phone. _"See you later..."_ He waited for Brian's end to hang up before he did. He pocketed his phone, his smile remaining but dissipating as the seconds rolled on by. He was back to being alone with Ben in the silence.

Ben would have loved to have known what Brian's side of the conversation had sounded like to make Michael react like he'd done. But he was curious enough as it was between those two best friends. They had to have some things for themselves.

Michael lightly snickered under his breath, putting away his invoices and turning off his computer monitor and hard drive. He picked up his two bank deposit bags. "C'mon..." His jacket wasn't too far from him to put on. "... let's get the fuck outta here... and get this party started..." He gestured for Ben to exit first so he could lock up the store and close the street gate.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

"You sure you don't need me to stay?" Lukas fidgeted around as much as he could before Ben kicked him out. "I can be your cameraman for pennies..." He was already slipping a cigarette in between his lips, searching for his lighter. "I filmed a wedding once... but I was, like... twelve..."

"No, Luke." Ben looked around at how easily the camera looked to handle. And he saw where his bag of faked journals and his school satchel had been placed. "Everything looks great. You went beyond the call of duty."

"Brian's... certainly a guy you don't easily fuck with, Jamie. You _sure_ you know what you're getting into?" Lukas' eyes darted toward the back bedroom. He was making sure Brian wasn't in earshot. Ben simply nodded his head, shuffling his old college roommate out the door. "Can I... uh, see the tapes when you're done?"

Ben snickered, shaking his head. They stood in the open doorway. "No. If Brian or Michael don't want them, I'll be destroying the DVD, plus the files on my computer once I hand in my thesis."

"Ah... get into the future... told you to buy a laptop. It'll make your writing go so much faster." Lukas was leaning on the doorjamb as if chatting with Ben was his only task for the day. "Do publishers still take printed manuscripts anymore?"

"Yes, they do. Some editors appreciate the Old School technique."

"My Dad will want to see the footage too. You know how he can get." Lukas tried to think of a way he could scam them off his father's computer at the college.

"Yes, I _do_ know. And if he _wants_ them, _depending on what ends up on them that pertains to what I write_... he'll have to pay me for them."

Lukas shrugged one shoulder, cocking his head to light his cigarette. "Why don't I just give you the money now?" He let one side of his full lips smirk upward in pleasure.

"Only person I deal with is your father, Luke."

"Wow... he's really got you backed into a corner, huh?"

Ben crossed arms over his upper torso, tucking his fingers under his armpits. "I'm finding that my once believed theme isn't much to ponder anymore. I used to wonder... _question_... worry and envy. Now I'm not so sure if this is worth the price I could pay for making this happen."

Lukas became serious, handing Ben the lit cigarette butt. He could see that the physically fit body was a tad shaky, nerves quaking the entire frame. "Which would be?" He blew smoke out the side of his mouth.

" _Possibly losing Michael_." Ben inhaled the sweet taste of nicotine, feeling the rush hit his lungs. He took a few more random puffs for good measure.

"Think he'd actually leave you for Kinney?" Lukas took back the cigarette, slipping it between his lips.

"No..." Ben blew out his own smoke, shaking his head. He hooked his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans. "I think he'll hate me forever because I destroyed the one good thing he had going in his life. Brian may treat him like crap, but... damn if he doesn't understand what makes Michael tick."

Lukas pushed off the doorjamb, moving toward Ben. "Who's to say **you** couldn't try being that person, too, huh? Take Kinney's place if the friendship goes to shit?"

Ben had to chuckle or burst. "Ah... no... no one takes Brian's place in Michael's life."

" _According to_ _ **Kinney**_?" Lukas raised one blond eyebrow in wonder.

"No... _according to_ _ **Michael**_." Ben frowned, nodding his head at Lukas' widening green eyes.

"Oh..." Lukas had no reply.

"Yeah... tell me about it." Ben's hand moved to slip inside the steel door's handle.

"Good Luck, then."

"Thanks. I'll need it."

Lukas was about ready to spin around when he stepped away from the threshold. "Ben..."

"Hmmm...?" Ben raised weary blue eyes to his friend.

"You're not a bad guy, _okay_? This doesn't make you a creep. You're a man in love who's reacting to something he _needs_ to understand. We all do foolish things in the name of love, but it's what we do _with_ the information when we find out that make us who we are." Lukas waved, sliding between the space in between the door as Ben was closing it behind his best friend.

Sighing heavily, Ben moved to the breakfast nook counter where his leather satchel and bags were. He couldn't see where Michael had drifted off to, in any portion of the loft, on first glance. Of course he didn't look _**in**_ the master bedroom. Brian's domain.

Brian had jumped into the shower once Michael and Ben had arrived. He would've been showered and dressed had he trusted Lukas to be alone with his things around the loft. Michael must be laying on the bed, waiting for Brian to exit. He had been antsy during the cab ride over. Once Brian had opened the steel door, Michael jumped into Brian's warm embrace... sniffling and an emotional wreck.

Brian had excused them, taking Michael under his arm and having a private discussion with him in the bedroom. Ben had seen Michael's dark head bowed, with Brian's left hand clamping about Michael's nape, soothing the shaved hairline, fingers running up the dark locks in comfort. Michael quickly nodded, Brian whispering in his ear... and then he nodded a second time, _more_ fiercely. Brian was holding him close with one arm... and Michael had immediately stood on tip-toes to kiss Brian soundly on the mouth. Ben saw Brian melt into Michael's kiss, feeling wobbly in his knees for only a second, before he straightened his body again. Michael was much better, left alone in the bedroom.

Ben picked up everything of his, carrying them over into the living room. There was nothing wrong with him observing the two of them _before_ things "officially" got under way. He didn't take the couch; he sat in the matching chair off to the right side of the art deco sofa. He had a better view into the bedroom in this manner.

Watching Michael from this distance was earth shattering. Gone was his lightweight jacket, his heavy work-boot sneakers. He paced around Brian's bedroom as if he was taking a stroll down memory lane. Photographs on Brian's dressers, a few of he and Brian together. The rest of them of Michael, all by himself. There was maybe one or two with Vic, some of Gus. Michael touched objects, caressed them. As he opened drawers, he sniffed the cedar chips and Brian's laundry scent. The smile on his face never disappearing.

Michael opened the top drawer of the tallest piece of furniture, pulling out a pair of underwear. Counting down three slots, he tugged open the drawer filled with Brian's old clothing. Stuff worn when he was sick or wanting to be warm in bed, snuggling with Michael, especially in the winter. Michael located a pair of drawstring sweatpants. Counting back up the dresser, two slots up, he opened the drawer and saw an old ratty t-shirt Brian used to wear for track-n-field.

Ben couldn't tell exactly _what_ Michael was up to. He watched Michael bring the material to his nose, either smelling Brian or discovering the familiar scent of faded memories. Ben swallowed the lump in his throat. He thought watching Brian was awful, eying Michael was _pure torture_.

Michael quickly slammed the drawer shut. Brian had come out of the bathroom.

Ben could only see Michael on one side of the bedroom. Brian was only a pale murky shape in the slats of the wall separating his bedroom from the rest of the loft space. From Ben's angle, Brian _appeared_ naked, but that was simply because Ben couldn't see Brian's clothed lower half.

Brian strutted up to the slats, pushing one to make every single one of them open in a flourish of light. He was showing Ben he had no secrets to hide. He was dressed in dark blue denim, a pastel-colored towel looped around his neck, dangling down his bare chest. His hair was wet, spiked about his head.

"Comfortable, Benji?"  
 **  
~~TBC...**  



	5. Chapter 5

  
Ben wasn't really irked by Brian's childish nickname for him. It was the way in which he lowered Ben's importance to feel confidant. He would allow it _tonight_ , only because he was feeling guilty for what he was putting Brian through. "Just peachy, Bri." He sharpened one of his pencils, manually, brushing the shards off his lap onto Brian's pricey shag carpeting. 

"Have you started already?"

"No, but I'm ready whenever you... and Michael..."

Michael cleared his throat, clothes clutched to his chest. "I wanna take a shower."

Brian forgot Ben, turning to Michael. A lone brown eyebrow rose in curiosity. It was asking a question of Michael only Michael knew.

Michael chuckled, puffing out a breath or two. "Long shitty day. I feel..." He let out a long stream of air. "... in need of a shower to refresh me." He held up the set of Brian's clothing he'd put together. "Do you mind?"

Ben eyed Brian's facial expression which went from feral lust to unbridled care. "YOU... wearing my clothes? No, Michael..." He shook his head, hair laying flat to his scalp. His voice became whispery soft, almost deep. "... _I don't mind_."

Michael nodded his head, biting his upper lip. He noticed he would have to pass Brian in order to reach the bathroom. Brian wasn't trying to block Michael's path, but he simply remained still... stationary, as if waiting for Michael to make the first move. Michael attempted to squeeze his tiny frame between Brian and the bed frame, but he had to brush Brian's naked skin. Brian shut his eyes in silent agony. He didn't like the fear he could see in Michael's eyes... _for_ _ **him**_.

When the bathroom door slid closed, Brian threw his towel on the bed. He walked over to his dresser to yank out his usual V-neck t-shirt. He padded out barefoot toward the kitchen, pulling down the shirt's hem over his bare abdomen. "You hungry?" He made his way to the fridge. "You wanna beer?"

Ben was shocked by the blatant hospitality. He figured, alone, Brian would be even more angry. "No... and... yes." Ben heard the pipes above his head churning water; the shower on in the bathroom. He saw Brian take out two beers and a fruit juice bottle. Ben didn't know why he was bothered by the little gesture. Brian had known exactly what Michael would want to drink after coming out of the shower. Maybe it was more like... _Michael would take anything Brian gave him._ Or maybe... this wasn't such a "new" scenario for the best friends. They had possibly done this same scene once before, a dozen or so times. All without witnesses... DAMN!

This kind of thinking was what Ben hated more than anything. The never-knowing. The always-wondering. He hadn't told anyone these were several of the true reasons driving him to keep this project for his thesis going.

Brian tugged on a utensil drawer, opening both beer bottles, chucking the caps in the sink. He didn't even make small talk as he wandered over to hand Ben his beer. He simply spun on his foot and went back over to the dinning room table. His laptop was there, so was the _**Next Big Ad Campaign**_ , being cleverly masterminded by the Great and Awesomely Creative Kinney.

Ben should have felt slighted, sure that Brian was being rude. But Ben couldn't help to think Brian was so close to accepting **him** in Michael's life. Then Ben had to ask the impossible of Brian, losing what little ground he had gained by not leaving well enough alone.

Brian could very well hate him all over again. Why did he **not** want _that_ to happen?

Shockingly, Ben couldn't even label what Brian felt about him as "hate" as much as “cool indifference”. Like Ben could occupy space, breathe the same air... _or not_. Since Michael was still in the shower, Ben would take the initiative to slowly approach Brian.

"So..." Ben only paced as far as the breakfast counter, grabbing a seat on one of the stools. "... is there something you feel like asking me? Telling me?” He planted his feet flat on the floor to keep steady. “Anything you'd like to get off your chest?" He had to believe Brian was a mass of rage and vengeance coming to a boiling point inside.

Brian never glanced up from his glowing monitor. "What would you like to hear? Should I be angry you've been spying on me for months without me knowing? Questioning more than half my sexual partners and paying them cash to squeal on me? Or what they 'think' is me? Should I be surprised that you would jeopardize what you have with Michael for some stupid paper for your job?... _and telling me it's for the safety of your 'job' is a load of crap, by the way_." He sat back now, arms across his chest. He still wasn't looking at Ben as he went on. "Should I be upset that you're **not** as okay with my relationship with Michael as you've been constantly reminding him?" Then he turned his hazel eyes toward Ben, staring intensely. "Right now... I'm a lot of things, Benji... and _none_ of them concern **you**."

Ben tightened his lips in frustration. Chalk another one up for Kinney. "How do you do _that_ so eloquently?"

" _What_?" Brian had started scrolling downward on his keypad.

" _Make people think you don't give a shit_? How can you keep turning yourself 'off' so easily?"

" **That**... is privileged information."

"Why **him**?" Ben put his beer on the counter top. He pulled the long sleeves of his sweater up along his bare forearms. 

  
"Huh?" Brian spared one quick glance at Ben, before he went back to his computer screen. 

"Why can Michael be the only person on the planet who _knows_ Brian Kinney, better than you know yourself?"

Brian closed his laptop lid, leaning his arm on the top. He then placed his chin on the hand. "Because... Michael is the exception to the rule. There's no one like him."

"What rule? I'll agree he's one great guy. You don't exactly make it easy to be in his life... if he's not constantly worried about you or so god damn protective of you, as well..."

Brian let out a tiny satisfied smirk, biting at his thumbnail. "We both feel the same way about one another."

"So... why can't **you** find someone like Michael did? Why can't **you** fall in love with anybody, but yourself?"

"But, Benji... what makes you think I haven't already...?" Brian was standing up to grab the fruit juice bottle.

At that moment, Michael came out of the bathroom.

Ben stood amazed, because Brian must have been listening closely to the water pipes. Ben hadn't even heard the shower turn off. Brian's eyes darted into the bedroom as he made his way over to Michael. Ben was floored. How does one "train" Brian Kinney to do anything that didn't serve some purpose for himself? Ben knew if he had done that for Michael; it was out of love, respect and courtesy. Could it be the same for Brian?

Brian had picked up his discarded towel. He snickered, coming toward Michael with the terry cloth material spread between his hands. He went right for Michael's wet head. Michael picked up the fruit juice bottle, noticing the cap was loosened. He took a swig, then bent his head for Brian to scrub at his moist locks. He was giggling under the towel, because Brian not only shook his head, but his entire body. He recapped the juice bottle, hiding it under his arm.

Ben watched the interaction. Most would call it "brother-like", but, nah... there was _something_ _ **else**_ there. More than love -- _it was deep, grounding affection_. Strange -- _like childhood sweethearts_. Michael reached out, with his empty hands, to clutch Brian's hips. He lost a little equilibrium, falling on Brian's chest.

Ben swiveled away, taking a swig of beer. He turned completely around, heading back toward the living room and his chair. He had to admit to something else plaguing him. Not only did he **not** know why Michael was drawn to Brian, but learning about all of Brian's sexual activities had certainly given him some insight into Brian's mind. Not only that, but Ben's own experience with Brian haunted him. To think, during that time together...  Brian, _the relentless, voracious lover_ ; Ben, _so vulnerable and receptive_... and there was _still_ _ **more**_ to Brian Kinney than he could fathom.

Could Ben and Michael be oddly warring with each other, in private, and not know? Did Ben feel some superiority in knowing **he** _had_ Brian the one way **Michael** _hadn't_? Or did Michael take pride in being the _only_ human being to be more intimate with Brian than _any_ of his sexual partners, which included his own boyfriend?  
 _  
Christ..._ if all those family and friends surrounding Michael, _while awkwardly embracing Brian_ , were so certain the second the two friends fucked, things would be all over and they could move on... why hadn't they done _something_ like _this_ sooner?

Brian strolled out of the bedroom first. "What does everyone want? Pizza... Chinese... Thai... Korean... Sandwiches..." He did a quick jog to the cordless on the counter in the kitchen.

Michael finally came out of the bedroom, down the two steps. He was heading directly for a stool. "I wouldn't mind pizza... but I have been craving some Chinese..."

Brian poised his fingers over the numbers on the extension. "Ben?"

"Sounds good to me." Ben was a little irked Brian didn't look directly at him. Neither had Michael.

"This won't throw you off your strict monk-y diet, will it?" Brian snickered as he heard Michael giggle through his nostrils almost making fruit juice expel. He began punching out the familiar phone numbers.

Michael smiled over at Ben. "The health food is only a rouse, Brian." He looked back at Brian in the kitchen. " 'Sides... it's good to eat junk food every couple of days. Cleans your system out." He put his two hands on top of his juice cap, laying his chin on the skin.

"Uhm... I think the pizza place has salads, but their menu has disappeared on me." Brian turned his back to keep the outside conversation from disturbing his phone calling.

Michael sighed, pushing off the stool to head over toward Ben. He would leave Brian alone for now. "Is _that_ the camera?" He leaned his pelvis on the back of the couch.

Ben glanced up, over his glasses. "Yeah..." He always liked staring at Michael after coming out of the shower. The ways he smelled fresh and clean, the way his normally straight hair took on waves and curls about his head. "... and..." He reached into a bag by his side, taking out a small electronic device that looked like a tiny camera. "... this is a voice recorder.'

Michael crossed his forearms over his belly. He was glaring at the offending camera on the tripod. "You filming... _every_ thing?" He tried to see if he saw a "red light" or something to signify it was "on".

"Only the interviews and the bedroom."

Michael sighed, closing his eyes for a brief minute. He was feeling a bit like he was adrift at sea with no one to save him. He _really_ didn't want to do this or be here. But Brian had promised him, that if things got too scary... or too risky... too uncomfortable, then things would stop. Michael was only doing this to protect Brian. To make sure Ben had every mention of Brian correct. Thirty random faces who barely spent five hours in Brian's company were **not** the kind of story he wanted spread about his best friend. If anything... he wanted Ben to have a clear account of the real Brian Kinney.

Ben heard the heavier sigh released as he looked up at Michael under his dark blond lashes and over his wire rims. "Michael..." He had one of the faked journals open and was writing profusely until Michael had come over. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't. Only because Michael was focusing on this night and... _one person_ occupied his mind. Brian Kinney.

Brian chose that moment to slip in behind Michael. The phone extension was still in his grasp. His arms wrapped secure about Michael's hips, resting at the lower belly.

Ben had to admit Brian had a huge set of brass balls to be holding Michael in front of him like that. In some weird way, Ben allowed the action because he was, literally, asking so much more of them than they were of him. Though it pained Ben to witness, _his worst nightmare come to fruition_ , he knew it would be over in one single night. But... would Michael ever be completely **his** , again... _**if**_ he ever had been?

Michael sunk his body into Brian's embrace; those safe arms tightening about him. The flat of Brian's palm soothed Michael's stomach muscles. The dark brown head bent, nudging Michael. The forehead falling into the crevice of Michael's right shoulder. Brian moved his head to press moistened lips in a long kiss to the pale flesh of Michael's neck. Michael shut his eyes, in bliss, his own arms covering Brian's on his abdomen.

Ben sat stunned, secretly wishing the camera had been on. **This** was _what_ he had meant. Jotting down notes would have to suffice later, but his eyes had to blink fast or go cross-eyed.

Brian's pelvis pushed forward, sculpting to Michael's backside. Michael pushed back, his next breath catching in his throat as one of Brian's hands sunk under the waist band of the sweatpants.

And then... _nothing_...

Brian paused, hiding his face in Michael's hair. He chastely kissed Michael's cheek, swatting Michael's rear. Michael shook his head, chuckling. He leaped over the couch, while Brian walked around the arm. He was giving Michael an "evil glare" for jumping on his expensive furniture.

Ben was shocked and dumbfounded... _utterly flabbergasted_. **That** had been a perfect moment to fuck. Yank Michael's sweat pants off, Brian should have opened his jeans, whipping his fully hard cock out. The rubber most likely hidden in Brian's pockets, with small tube of lube. Brian would have sheathed his length, then bent Michael over the couch, plunging into the wide-open ass. Brian would ram the tiny body so hard, until they both came. Brian would never lose his stiffness and would have kept slamming Michael's bare backside. Michael would have cum... _and cum_ _**and cum**_... with no end in sight.

And... _why not_? Brian had done something similar to not only Ben, but to plenty of his other conquests over the past three months.

Instead, Brian went to lay on his back, stretched out on the couch. Michael was on the other end, Brian's bare feet softly kicking Michael's thigh. They were laughing over a shared memory one of them had brought up of long ago.

Ben paying much attention, shock still on his features... still playing it smooth and cool.

"... and the silliest thing you ever did was join Student Council!" Michael snickered, moving closer to Brian so the feet that were once poking him could rest on his lap. He wanted to stretch his legs out a little too.

"It was a no-brainer, Mikey. I scored some pretty hot ass that year."

"Brian... you almost _won_. You nearly became something you clearly hated. Junior Class Vice President."

"Of course... but when my hidden political scandal rocked the school _and the board_... they requested I hand over my victory." Brian was spinning the phone extension on his chest.

"Uhm... you fucked the entire male student body. Steve Summers certainly was your worst choice to be caught with. _He was your incumbent's campaign manager._ " Michael leaned back more in the corner of the cushions so the flat of Brian's foot was hitting his chest. He tenderly petted the tops of the feet, hugging them to his body.

"How do you _think_ I got all those cool slogans, posters and signs?"

"Shit!" Michael shook his head sadly. "How in the world did you survive high school without getting killed?"

Brian gently pushed his foot into Michael's stomach. "I had **my** Mikey there to protect me. My constant credible witness or alibi." He smirked down at the brown eyes rolling up at him.

"Yeah... _scary_... I got good at it too." Michael could hear the familiar sound of pencil scratching on paper. _Ben was writing notes_. He crinkled his brow in bewilderment. "Are you dictating this conversation?"

Ben stopped, realizing he had been caught. "No... uh, I was staring earlier. I'm simply catching up with my notes, is all."

"Staring?" Brian rearranged his head to look over at Ben. "Why would you...?" He then glanced down at Michael to see if he understood what Ben meant.

Ben sat forward, legal pad was placed on the coffee table in front of him. "You two... you had a 'moment'... _back there_..."

"A _moment_?" Michael raised both eyebrows in question.

" _Back where_?" Brian was still confused.

Were they both really **that** obtuse? Oblivious? _Jesus... Christ..._

Ben waved the comment away. "Never mind. It's lost. No use rehashing what you clearly don't see."

Michael sat up straighter, Brian's knees were across his lap now. "Damn, Ben... it affected **you** enough to make you write like your life depended on you recalling _every_ detail."

Brian shook his head, getting a bit frustrated. "Leave it be, Michael. If we make Benji feel uncomfortable... that's how it's gonna have to be. Let's not psycho-analyze every fuckin' second of this night."

Ben looked at Brian laying there... so calm and confidant in his skin. "I'm **not** uncomfortable."

Brian only flipped his torso over to directly stare Ben down. "Then what's preventing you from answering Michael's question?"

Ben cleared his throat, staring down at Brian as he raised his chin high. "The fact that you two don't have any clue to how you look to other people."

"What do you _mean_?" Michael asked with one eyebrow raised, while Ben looked away. So Michael looked to Brian, pleading for help in answering. "Do **you** know what he could mean?"

Brian lay back down, bending one arm over his face. "Subtleties... _the way I hold you_..." He shrugged his shoulders.

Ben nodded his head in agreement. "... _the way your bodies instinctively react to one another_." He gestured a hand to Michael. "How Michael reacts to your moves..." Then moved to gesture toward Brian. "... how Brian reacts to your moves..."

Michael shut his mouth from asking a silly question again. He now wanted a demonstration. "Show me."

"Michael..." Brian covered his hand over his face.

"How do you think I could manage that?" Ben furrowed his brow in confusion. "I'm **not** you... and I'll surely _never_ be Brian."

Brian dropped his hand to his chest. "He means _with your camera_ , genius..." He muttered, chucking the cordless on the coffee table. "Give me a few minutes. I know how to set this up right." He wandered over to the tripod and camera, making them face the entertainment center. He pushed a few pieces of art and furniture to make some space on the floor. He walked over to turn on his stereo, picking up the tiny remote to handle his CD changer. "Alrighty..." He returned to stand in front of Michael, holding down his hand for him to grasp, fingers wiggling. "C'mon, Mikey... cut a rug with me."

Michael spared a glance at Ben, wondering how this would exactly explain _any_ thing. "Okay..." He put his hand in Brian's, finding himself tugged out of his comfy position on the couch. "... but... I don't know how good I'll be as your partner." He followed behind Brian to the open floor, where the area rug was left on display in front of the huge Plasma TV. "I did a lot of heavy lifting today, plus... I was extra clumsy." He rolled his shoulders to prove his point of how sore he was.

Brian quickly spun Michael around, ending up back to front. "Benji... you'll watch the camera, huh?"

Ben was already on the move in that direction. When he peered through the viewfinder, he could see Brian's hands cup Michael's shoulders, squeezing and massaging them. He smoothed over Michael's shoulder blades, heading down his spine. Hitching both hands at Michael's hips, Brian's thumbs and index fingers pushed on the sore muscles of the lumbar spine. Brian knew this was where Michael held all his tension. With one hand, and Michael at his mercy, Brian put pressure on Michael's spine to bend over. Sure it looked like a known sexual position, but it was a smart way for Brian to caress the lower back muscles he couldn't touch if Michael was standing.

Ben had to unlock the camera from the tripod. He wasn't sure why he felt better looking at them through the "third eye" of the lens. Maybe without his own two eyes, he could create the suspension of disbelief that he wasn't actually here. He waited, watching Brian work out Michael's muscle kinks. He licked his lips to hear Michael moan, then groan out a release. His tight body was loosening itself of its unnatural stiffness. Michael's body seemed to draw up of its own accord, needing to fall back against Brian's chest into his ministrations. Brian kept his hands on Michael's hips, but as Michael rose, Brian conformed his body to fit Michael's. They aligned chest to back, like before.

Brian bent his head to speak into Michael's ear. "Pretend... like we're in Babylon... years back... back when it was only us... _you, me_... and _the music_..."

Michael had to close his eyes, because it made him feel Brian completely surrounding him. "Those were good days. I had you all to myself." His hands came down to cover Brian's on his hips.

Brian continued to talk in his low timbered voice. "It was the first time we'd seen boy-on-boy dancing. We couldn't wait to join them."

Michael spun around, his arms sliding up to lock about Brian's neck. His hands and fingers dangling down Brian's back. Foreheads meshed, quickening of breaths mingled and both men were shyly smiling at the same memory without the other one knowing.

Ben swallowed with difficulty, zooming the lens in closer to their faces. He didn't know if this was a good or bad thing to be witnessing. What he _did_ know was... he was getting horny, like before. Watching them together, like _this_... was becoming a terrible and tragic fetish of his.

Michael nuzzled his nose into Brian's cheek, lips skimming warm stubbled flesh. "I used to dream every night of holding you close, _like this_... _on a dance floor_..."

"I, as well..." Brian nudged his face with Michael's, pressing lips on a moist brow. "You wanna know what else I dreamed of?"

Michael giggled, his body leaning heavily on Brian's. "I can only guess."

"Well... you'd be wrong."

Michael drew back some, looking up at Brian. His hands curled about Brian's shoulders. " _What_ then?"

"Your eyes." Brian tenderly kissed the lashes, making Michael have to shut his lids quickly.

"Yeah... my chocolate-kiss-colored eyes, right?" Michael snickered, lightly. His brown eyes opening to gaze intently into wide hazel ones.

Ben almost couldn't believe it, but the camera didn't lie.

Brian looked away and down, blushing. "You... _remember_ that?"

Michael drew his hands back up to fit around Brian's neck, slipping to his nape and caressing the drying hair. "My first Valentine. St. Valentine's Eve, you called it... hell, yeah I remember that. I may still have your card too." His nose touched Brian's nose tip. "We ate all the Hershey's kisses."

Brian sighed, enveloping Michael tighter in his arms. His hands moved around to fit over Michael's backside, but they didn't squeeze or pinch the round curves. The palms simply rested over the globes. "Uh-huh... that was the other thing..."

"What _other thing_?" Michael put a shocked hand to his chest. "More about **me**?"

"I have a list." Brian tapped his head. "Up here. But these two are tied for Top Billing."

"My eyes and my..." Michael looked behind him to where Brian's hands were.

Brian spoke only when Michael returned to look at him, haziness to his gaze. "... lips. Well, really... your _kisses_..."

Michael's lips nudged Brian's cheek. "Brian..."

"What?"

"I don't know. I guess... I'm a little floored to hear this now."

"Why?"

"We aren't... exactly..." Michael brown gaze peered over his own arm toward Ben's gaze behind the camera lens. "... _alone here_..."

"That's the whole point..." Brian finally turned his head to acknowledge Ben in the room. "... isn't it, Benji? To be able to be the 'fly on the wall' to The Brian and Michael Show... first, second, third, and final act?"

Michael glanced away from the camera, tucking his face into Brian's chest. After awhile, he raised watery eyes to angry hazel ones. "Did you mean _any_ of it?" He blinked and one tear fell. Brian wiped it away with a thumb pad. In fact, he cupped Michael's face in his hands. "Was that _only_ for the camera? Ben's expose on the _Greatest Prick That Ever Lived_?"

Brian let Michael's face go, backing away. He swiveled his venomous glare onto Ben. "Turn. The Fuckin'. Camera. OFF!! Now!!" He shut off the stereo, pocketing the tiny remote. He sure needed a cigarette badly. He left Michael's side to head toward the dining room table.

Michael stood bereft and alone, once again. "No... don't Ben. Let it run." He hated when Brian ran away while being confronted. "Maybe this is just what we've needed to discover what's really between us, Brian."

"Michael... I'm **not** playing. I won't... I'm not doing anything **for** the camera."

"How about _for me_ , then? Would you answer a few questions _**for me**_?" Michael was slowly making his way toward Brian.

"I don't know." Brian, stood on one side of the table, grabbing onto the back of one chair. “That depends.”

Michael wandered over to the breakfast bar, standing near a stool. He could feel Ben following in his footsteps as if doing some kind of fucked-up, crazy documentary about them. "If Ben _wasn't_ here... would you have done what you just did? Said what you just said to me?"

"Michael, if Ben weren't here, YOU wouldn't be here, either. I'd be alone, getting ready for a night on the town. Liberty Avenue... Woody's first, then Babylon."

"No..." Michael crossed his arms over his chest. "Listen to my question closely. _Are you listening?_ " He noticed Ben coming up on his right side to get a profile of his face. He hid away for only a second to wipe at his eyes.

Ben blinked again, nearly dropping the camera. _Dear God..._ what the hell was he getting them all into? "Michael..."

"Shut up, Ben. Turn your camera off if you're so bothered by it all in your face like this. You want the truth or not? If not... then why the hell are we even here tonight?"

The downstair's buzzer rang, telling Brian someone was calling at the front door of the building.

"Saved... by the Pizza Delivery Boy." He went back into his bedroom to find his wallet and put shoes on. He came out the second doorway of his bedroom. "I'll be right back. You boys behave while I'm gone."

Steel door slid open, steel door slammed closed.

Ben stopped recording. " **This**... is **not** what I wanted, Michael." He tried to put out a hand to touch Michael's arm, but he flinched away. "You have to know... I'm not doing this to intentionally hurt either of you."

Michael bowed his head, shaking in defeat. "Everyone always wants to know a little bit more than what they can bear." He finally looked over at Ben, realizing there was some sympathy coming out for him and his emotions. "You aren't asking anything of me that I haven't wondered on my own."

"But... at the expense of you and Brian's friendship. I'm not sure if this will make your bond stronger or... break you two up for good."

"I'll never know until I ask or someone pushes him. He won't follow through in the end. Something _always_ prevents him from... _finishing_ what he started."

"What's _**your**_ excuse?"

"Same as him."

The steel door slid open to show Brian's return. "Chinese food guy was there too. Two birds, one stone. No more distractions." He put the hot food on the counter, moving to slide the door shut, setting the locks and turning on the security alarm. He came back into the kitchen, picking up the plastic bag of food and the pizza boxes. "Did I miss anything?" He wasn't really looking for a response, but he got one.

"Yeah." Ben spoke out.

"Oh?" Brian opened both pizza boxes, taking out a sharp knife to make sure the slices were made proportionately. " _What_?"

"I was about to tell Michael... that I'm giving **him**... and **you**... _permission_ to take your relationship one step further."

"Ben... no..." Michael stood in complete shock, staring startled at his boyfriend.

"Wow! Christmas came early." Brian wrinkled his brow in befuddlement. "Gone only five minutes and you're handing me the man you love on a silver platter.” He pat down on his chest, with the flat of his palm, somewhere over the vicinity of his heart racing. “Benji, I'm touched."

"Brian..." Michael glared at Brian, this time.

"Don't worry, Michael. I'm not taking the offer."

"But..." Michael furrowed his brow in complete perplexity.

"You WANT me to take his offer?" Brian stared at Michael, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes... well, no... but... fuck... excuse me!" Michael swiped up his juice bottle and tried to find himself a corner to chill. Somewhere away from the other men in this room. He turned his back on them both. Who needed boyfriends and best friends anyway? Oh, yeah... Michael Novotny did. Shit! He gulped down his juice like it was hard liquor.

" _Happy_ _ **now**_ _, Benji?_ " Brian moved to grab plates for them. He was displaying the food on the counter, allowing everyone to make their own meals. "I got you regular rice, Michael, since you don't like shrimp fried rice."

Ben put the camera on the counter, taking one of the stools. He saw one carton of Chinese food Brian didn't touch, he smelled a familiar scent. "Lo Mein?"

"Nah. Veggie and Chicken. I thought you'd like it." Brian dug out the rest of the items in the plastic bag. "Want your rice and egg roll?"

"I'll take the rice and some soy sauce packets. Keep the egg roll."

Brian cleared his throat, speaking loudly so Michael could hear from across the room. "Ben doesn't want his egg roll, Michael. I'll split his with you." He was dividing up their food between two plates.

Ben could see Michael saunter over, sidling up to Brian's side. He recognized this action Michael was taking; he would often look this exact way with Ben, off-n-on. Ben had never seen the action from _this_ side. Michael almost became like Brian... fierce and jungle cat-like. Ben figured to wait a minute or two before he asked for a fork.

"I _asked_ you a question, Brian."

 **~~TBC...**


	6. Chapter 6

 

"Uh... remind me.” Brian furrowed his forehead, then tapped the side of his temple gently. “Short memory." 

"What if... Ben weren't here? I mean to say... I returned from Portland... Ben and I had good chemistry. We hit it off, but... _this_ time I listened to all of you, taking everyones' advice. He's out of my life. He's even moved on to a new guy. A Poz guy."

Brian paused, eyes low and staring straight ahead. "He can't have forgotten you **that** easily." He lifted his head to look down at Michael. "You're one difficult man to erase from the mind."

"Would I even be here... _with_ _ **you**_ , Brian? Or would you be fucking Justin again? Or maybe some other lucky random twink of the night?"

"Hard to say."

"Why?"

"If you were single again, _at this point_... I doubt very much that Justin would still be in the picture."

"Oh, yeah? Even though he can be very persuasive?"

Brian turned to face Michael, leaning his hip on the counter ledge. "Not enough to make me leave your side."

"That's _**it**_?"

"What's _**it**_?"

"That would be all you need to pursue me? Me - alone... living the swinging single bachelor life, like you?"

"No. It's a little more complicated than **that**."

"Oh? How?"

Brian dipped his head toward Michael's face. "The fact I almost lost you... again. And _this one_...” He chucked his thumb in Ben's general direction, over his shoulder. “... **he** had the potential to be serious for you."

Michael blinked fast up at Brian, interested to hear more. "Serious? How?"

"The Professor... he _looked_... he looked like he could have been long term."

" _Marriage material_?"

"Maybe."

"Does that scare you?"

"Yes... and no. What really scares me is even though I may be a heartless bastard, Ben has the possibility of breaking your heart much worse than I ever could." Brian looked over at Ben.

Ben stared Brian down, knowing what he was mentioning. " _My HIV Poz status..._ "

"Exactly. You die... Michael dies, too. A little every day the closer you grow together. You build a life with him, only to leave him _like_ _ **that**_ in the end... _I'll kill you myself_." Brian threw Ben a fork, then grabbed his plate to eat at the dining room table.

Michael looked down at the plate Brian had prepared for him. He was afraid to look up at Ben. Brian was right about _one_ thing.

Ben darted his eyes at his food, then toward Michael, who was unable to look at him. _Yeah..._ that had been his one reason for not pursuing Michael. The chance of getting sicker and leaving Michael's side.

"Don't." Michael put out hand for Ben to keep silent.

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"You're _thinking_ it. And you are _so wrong_. I wouldn't be here... for you, helping you keep your job at Carnegie, if I didn't think we were worth something as a couple. I'm **not** pissing around waiting for you to die, so I can jump into Brian's bed."

Ben couldn't touch his food, yet. "But... he'll be right there when I'm gone."

"That's not better than me being alone? Alone in my own misery?"

"Michael... of course if I died, I'd want you to move on. But does it have to be **him**?" Ben bent low over the counter, trying to keep their discussion a bit private.

"Why would you care... you'll be fuckin' dead!" Michael closed his eyes tight, not meaning to sound so pissy. "And... who says Brian and I will _still_ be friends? Maybe you'll get lucky and I won't have anyone around me _but you_. Then you up and die on me. On the day we bury you, I'm so distraught I step into our bedroom, pull out the bottle of pain pills or Valium I have stored in my night stand drawer... and I'll just slowly drift away."

"Michael... don't be so fuckin' dramatic." Ben picked up his fork to start digging into his carton.

Michael handed Ben the empty plate. "Why _not_? I'm here, aren't I? How much more **not** -dramatic can I get?" He hefted up his plate and drink, moving to sit near Brian's right at the table.

Ben sat speechless. Why _did_ he care so much about what Michael would do if he succumbed to his disease? What was it about Brian Kinney that made him intrigued... yet be so fuckin' irritated in the same instance? Ben had sex with Brian, only to discover, little by little... Ben had _never_ been in **Brian** ' **s** head that night or any other night he'd had sex with other men. Another conquest to conquer. Over and done. Move on.

Had Michael been on Brian's mind all this time? Every time he had sex... was Brian _thinking_ about Michael? Was he _wishing_ the men were Michael or was he simply _missing_ his best friend? Why was Ben so upset to know this, to keep questioning? For some reason it was pissing Ben off. To think Brian Kinney was expertly playing his mind-trip games, looking like nothing ever phased him.

Ben took the seat on Brian's left, but down one chair. He only did it so he could look at both Brian and Michael. He looked directly at Brian. "Two questions."

Brian glanced up seeing nothing in Ben's hands but a fork. "Only two? And where's your pencil and paper? Your voice recorder?"

"Off the record. Personal interest."

"Fine, ask away, Benji."

"Two years ago... between **us**.” Ben gestured between he and Brian. “Did you feel the same as you did back then as you do now? As you've felt all these years?" He took a nice gulp of his beer, eyes intent on Brian's reaction, and eventual answer.

"What do you want to ask me? Where was I emotionally when I was fucking you?" Brian folded his slice of pizza and bit into the dough.

"About Michael." Ben noticed Michael glance up with a chunk of food in his mouth. "How you've really felt about your best friend."

"That... is none of your fuckin' business."

Ben tilted his head, realizing how afraid Brian was of actually approaching the subject. "I used to think it didn't bother me, but... nah... can't put the blinders on anymore."

Michael wiped at his mouth, taking a sip of his juice. "Brian... it's really a simple 'yes/no' question. You won't have to go into specifics."

Brian looked at Michael with fear in his eyes. "Who's asking? You? Or your boyfriend?"

"What?” Michael's face instantly sank into sorrow, then deep concern and worry. “You think Ben and I masterminded this entire scenario to corner you about your feelings?" He stared in puzzled wonder, wanting a quicker answer from Brian.

"No." Brian shook his head, not knowing where he got that bit of anger from. "I know **you** aren't involved with Ben's research."

"What's stopping you from answering him?" Michael reached out to clamp a comforting hand over Brian's forearm on the table.

"You."

"Me?" Michael giggled, putting a hand to his throat. "How is _that_ possible?"

"Because... it's always been **you**..."

"Explain, _please_." Michael gave Brian such a tender smile of encouragement.

Ben didn't know why he never noticed it before, but they _looked_... they really appeared to look like a married couple. Like somewhere back in the days of junior high into high school something had overtaken them. And even through separations and rocky roads, relationships and too much sex **not** being had between them... they still managed to remain strong, bonded... companions in every sense of the word.

"It's always been you, keeping me from moving on."

"This is news to me. Never knew I was holding you back. Ma always said that about **you**."

Brian snickered, finishing up one slice of pizza. "You're **not** holding me back."

"But you said..."

"Michael, you've never been clear how you feel about me."

"What... does **that** mean?" Michael was growing more confused than satisfied.

"Prime example... well, now... with Ben."

"What about Ben _and me_?"

"The fact that it's even a you and Ben."

"I'm still not getting what you're trying..." Michael shook his head in disagreement.

Brian was the one clamping his hand on Michael's arm, soothing up the forearm toward the biceps. "You NEED a 'boyfriend', Michael. To define who you are. You're not like me, able to fuck countless of tricks without a care. You've done it, for awhile... but then you get antsy. Like you need _something more_."

Michael's voice became quiet. He liked being touched by Brian; there was a comfort there that words could never fill. "You've always know I wasn't like you."

Ben cleared his throat, wiping his napkin over his mouth. "Michael... what I think Brian's trying to say is... you've never given him the chance to BE that boyfriend you need. Isn't that right, Brian?"

"Somewhat...” Brian pursed his lips in mild disturbance, his index finger pointing at Ben. “... and don't ever pretend like you speak for me again."

Ben smirked, only because he knew he had nailed the problem _perfectly_. "Duly noted."

"Is that _really_ the way you feel, Brian?" Michael stopped eating, covering his hand over Brian's on his arm.

"It's more, like, I don't know where I stand in your world sometimes. You can tell me you love me for the rest of your life, but... you _never_ give yourself room to breathe to find out. Soon you're off seeking out another man to add to your side... who's **not me**." Brian went back to eating his food, kind of frustrated he was made to say this out loud, and in front of Ben.

"So... am **I** to blame for our situation?"

"No. I'm only saying that you never let me know if you wanted me _that way or not_."

"Are you telling me that had I said something like what you mean... you'd have dropped everything... even tricking... just to be with me? As my... _boyfriend_?" Michael had a difficult time believing this could be true.

"It's a little too late to find out now."

"Don't think so, Brian." Ben responded as he took another drink of his beer.

Brian squinted his eyes over at Ben. "What do you mean?"

"Sounds like you're calling Michael out on his fear. So... what's stopping you?"

"Because... try as I might to see _this_... _you and Michael_ , as a 'bad thing'... you **do** make him happy." Brian threw his napkin on his empty plate, pushing back his chair to head into the kitchen.

Ben sat back in his chair, projecting his voice over where Brian stood. "And you tell yourself that's enough for you? That you'd let go of everything you ever wanted... everything you know would make you happy... just so you-- _what_...? What makes you not risk it all for Michael?"

Michael got up, as well, following Brian into the kitchen. "You haven't been the most receptive man to my advances. Especially when you give off this ' _I Don't Give A Shit_ ' vibe.

They were standing at the sink, washing off their plates of food.

 

"When did you give me advances?" Brian stared down at Michael in shock. 

"College. I came up to visit you. On a weekend, I think. I was about to start working at the Big Q. My time wouldn't be so free anymore."

Brian set his plate down in the sink, leaning his hip on the counter. "Michael... I know the time that you're talking about. You were drunk, not to mention high." He combed back a way ward curl from Michael's forehead. "There was no way I'd have fucked you then. I may be a cold-hearted bastard, but I do have morals and decency. I like my bed partners to be _somewhat_ sober and coherent."

Michael took that as an excuse. He shut off the water, shaking his hands of excess moisture. Brian handed him the towel to dry his skin. "You never said a word to me the next day. I embarrassed myself beyond belief... and you didn't mention _any_ thing I had said to you."

Brian swung his arm up to cross over Michael's chest. His fingers curled around the shoulder joint. "You're not... you aren't like _other men_ , Michael. I don't think I could simply fuck you _and be done with it_."

Michael leaned his head on Brian's body. "It's why I push you away, too. You mean more to me than some suck-n-fuck one night stand." He reached up to latch onto Brian's arm.

Brian bent his head to press his face into Michael's drying hair, laying his cheek on the silky waves. "So... why do we keep **not** hitting the mark with one another?"

"Maybe, in some odd way, what holds us back is... we keep assuming we'll _never_ be enough. I will always think I'm not that good in bed... I'll bore you and you'll stray..."

Brian nodded his head in agreement. " **I** think... **you** think... I can't be happy unless I'm miserable and fucking any guy I can get my hands on. I'll think you don't trust me to be monogamous with you. I could never make you happy, if all you're waiting for me to do is disappoint you."

Ben had been watching them from the dining room table, caught up in their "magic", their powerful connection. He was standing at the breakfast bar, dirty plate and empty beer bottle in his hands. He placed them on the counter top. " _Do you love_ _ **him**_ _?_ "

"Huh?" Michael was in a daze, feeling Brian's body all around him.

" _Does_ _who love who_?" Brian asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

Ben spread out his arms in a shrug. " _Either of you_. I was only curious about Brian, but hearing him speak, sounds like he tends to not be sure you still have feelings for him. Strong feelings. Maybe you need to be honest with yourself, as well, Michael."

"But... I _am_ honest with myself." Why did Michael's voice sound so **not-** reassuring?

"To your own logic, Michael. One you've adapted to since being in Brian's life. But how about being honest with **me**.” Ben motioned to himself, hand on chest. “You once told me he was out of your head... out of our life... maybe somewhat out of your body, but never out of your heart. Tell me true... do you love him still... like you did when you were fourteen?"

"Ben... lay off. Leave him..."

Michael smiled weakly, not sure if he could do this calmly with Brian standing right next to him. But he had to try, in order to make sure Ben knew the real Brian. Maybe even finding out who the real Michael was too. "No. No, Brian. It's fine." He patted the arm across his chest that had tightened in its usual protective nature. "That's the one thing I love about Ben. His openness. This ability to have a kind of dialogue, telling him my real feelings. I'm afraid... of losing **that**... the closer Ben and I grow. Not that the relationship compares to..." He leaned back to look up at Brian, smiling. "... you and I. But as the years go by, it'll get more difficult to bear your role in my life. I understand that fear. It's why I try not to get too close too soon. I'm afraid if I do... I'll have to let you go. I'll lose you."

Brian came around Michael's back, hugging him with both arms. "You can't lose me, Michael. I won't let you let me go."

"If it meant choosing between my boyfriend or you... could you handle knowing you may or may not lose out?"

"No one is putting me anywhere, away from you. I'll still be here, no matter what happens in your life." Brian tucked his face into Michael's neck.

"But... you'd back away from me, wouldn't you? You'd give me the chance to fall in love... build a life separate from you and create my own home. Why?"

Brian lifted his arms to surrounded about Michael's shoulders and biceps. "Because... I know you can do it. I know it's what you want. I want you to have what will make you happy."

"What if..." Michael turned, breaking their embrace to face Brian. "... me being happy isn't what you think?"

"Can't be any different." Brian reached up to brush his fingers near Michael's eyes. "I can see it in your eyes. I feel it in your skin. You want permanence and comfort. You want..."

"What if... all I ever really wanted--needed... is you?" Michael crossed arms over his chest.

"Michael..." Brian had to glance away, but he didn't even look to Ben.

"You didn't answer Ben's question."

"Neither did you."

"It's a complicated answer, so bear with me." Michael grabbed Brian's hand and walked him around to sit him on one of the stools. He decided he would pace in front of Brian, periodically touching him to send out "signals" he was feeling the same way Brian had been. "At 14yrs old, you were larger than life to me. Not only were you gorgeous... _and sexy_... you were someone I could admire and look up to when I needed a role model in my life. I knew _of_ you, around the halls at school. Never knew you'd actually talk to me. Not only that, but you laughed with me not _at_ me. You were relentless in your pursuit of me." He began to stop moving about the floor, making sure he remained stationary in front of Brian, whose eyes had never left him once. "Even when you thought I wasn't interested, you made me love you. Instantly. You were incredible to my simple mind in every single way. My _complete_ opposite. Where I was dumb, you were smart." He went about touching their chests to signify which comment belonged to whom. "Where I was naive, you were clever... where you were beautiful, I was plain. I was sickly, you were healthy. The list could go on and on." Michael began to lean forward, grasping the counter's ledge. This pushed Brian backward, having to lean elbows on the counter. "The longer we stayed best friends, my love went from schoolboy crush to 'falling _in_ love' with you." He smirked when Brian smirked, only because those hazel eyes twinkled at him. "Once I had coveted your physical attributes, I discovered there was more to you than the surface bullshit you showed the world. No only were you free with your body for me..." He let his hand trail down Brian's chest. "... letting me explore my own sexuality... you let loose your heart to me. I'd have given you anything you had asked of me, during those years. Just to be in your presence was enough to sustain me in those moments alone, when you began to drift away from me. When it suddenly struck me how much I'd been in my own head, thinking you were feeling the same. How quickly you would have walked away from me without a care."

 

  
"I couldn't go far could I?" Brian reached under to cup Michael's head. "Carnegie was about as much of a distance from you as I could stand." He let his forehead fall on Michael's. 

" _Brian..._ " Michael let out the name on a breathless sigh of relief.

"Wait... it's my turn..." Brian lowered his hands to clamp around Michael's waist, tugging him in between his legs. He was seated on the edge of the stool, legs splayed. "You think I dreamed of a job in New York to get away from you?" He shook his head. "No. Not in the least. It's what I always did for myself, to cope with Jack and being in _that_ house. I'd pick the farthest away place and project myself there." He was sliding his arms lower and lower on Michael's hips, until his hands were crossed at Michael backside. "My intention had always been to invite you to come visit, _no pressure_. I would hoped that you'd like it and then we consider living together. While I worked, you'd write." He saw Michael's brown eyes grow wide with shock. "Yeah... I had dreams about us too. Not just the growing-older-together, sipping-Old Pitt-beers-and-rehashing-our-past-love-lives ones. I really _did_ once believe that I could have what you always wanted." His hazel eyes dipped to the floor. He felt Michael's fingers lift his chin, needing to see his eyes as he went on with his explanation.

"Soon... my world became embittered and soured. Jack getting more and more physically abusive and it would take everything in me to **not** fight him back. Because I knew the second I retaliated..." Brian sucked in a long breath, feeling Michael fall on his chest, hands scraping up his cheeks to comb through his hair. "... I knew I'd fuckin' kill him." Michael's arms encircled his neck, his cheek pressed against the perspiring brow. "I couldn't do that to you... to us, our friendship. So I zoned out half the time, thinking about you. Knowing that once Jack was through, taking his pent-up shit out on me..." He pulled back to caress Michael's cheek. "... there'd you'd be waiting. The sweetest salvation I could ever find... was being in your arms." He swiped at Michael's nose, watching the face contort in empathetic emotions, _pain for his pain_. Like always. "If you think I didn't feel the same, you'd be wrong." He got the goofiest grin on his lips, squeezing Michael tightly to his chest. "I don't know _what_ made me keep staring at you. I'd seen you around school too. I don't know why... one day, I got tired of all the fake bullshit. I took a chance on something _real_. Maybe I hoped you were so backwards, you'd try hard to **not** be my friend. But you kept me on my toes. You were so much more different than the image I'd had of you in my head. So much more adorable, up close. Sure... _yes, I agree_... you and I were opposites, _we still are_. But I never saw myself through your eyes... I saw **you** through **my** eyes. I didn't care that you weren't like me. I was impressed you even bothered to hang out with me. I was so sure you'd dump me after my first fuck-up, the first time I'd piss you off."

Michael chuckled lightly, sniffling and wiping under one eye. "You tried hard to make me let you go, but I knew what you were up to."

"That's what I liked about you. Quiet... yet tenacious. So passionate about things in your life, even the mundane ones."

Michael didn't know how they'd been doing _this_... _talking so freely, while Ben had been filming them_. He turned to face Ben's eyes behind the camera lens. "I'd like to answer your question, Ben."

Ben was startled into coming out from behind the camera eye. "Pardon?"

Michael smirked, his head leaning on Brian's forehead. He locked his arms about Brian's neck, hands dangling down. "I think I've skirted around the issue enough."

"Oh-kay..." Ben waited, unsure about which question Michael was going to answer. So many new ones had been conjured up in his head. _God Damn..._ this was better than scripted television.

Michael returned to look down into Brian's hazel eyes, steady and calm in his gaze. "I don't have the same affection for Brian... that I did when we were 14yrs old." His smile told Brian the news was better than good, _it was fucking great_! "If anything... I love him more now... than I did then. No longer with the heart of a boy, but with everything that I am as a man."

"Jesus Christ!" Ben's almost doubled over in pain, feeling his heart break a little. The camera lens went too low.

Brian reached out to raise it up, then shot over a dazzling white smile for the "audience".

"Sorry." Michael closed his eyes and leaned into Brian's embrace. "It's what you wanted to know, Ben."

Brian kissed Michael's cheeks, sliding to his ear. "Don't apologize for feelings, Michael. Own them, they're valid and yours."

"Brian?" Ben popped his head from around the camera, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"What?" Brian had eyes only for Michael and touching his body, all over.

"You skirted around the issue as badly as Michael. How do **you** _really_ feel?"

"Ben... leave him alone."

"Shit!" Ben held the camera away from his face, still filming but getting aggravated. "What IS it with you two?" He shook his head as he watched them completely ignore the fact he was filming them or even in the loft. "No wonder it's taken you both so long to speak the truth."

Brian cleared his throat, finally glancing over at Ben as he spun on the stool seat, Michael tucked to his chest.

Michael rested on Brian's shoulder, curled into his side. "It's called respect, Ben. Brian's feelings are private and his own..."

"... except tonight..." Brian added as a certain truth of the moment.

Michael looked over at Brian. "Wha-?"

"Ben has given me permission to take our relationship to another level. I'd like to accept his offer by stating this..." Brian's arm tightened about Michael's torso. He swiveled his own torso to face Michael. "... No matter where I am, where I go, who I am with... I can't forget you. You captured my heart at 14. You keep enriching my soul every day. And my one fantasy has always been to spend a night like tonight with you. Having you all to myself; heart, body and soul. Giving myself to you... everything that I am, will be yours..."

"Brian..." Michael couldn't believe what was coming out of Brian. Like the camera and Ben being in the loft was giving him an extra _umph_ of courage. Or maybe it was the thought that they only had _one night_ to make it right. Say things long buried and reveal their secrets in the name of saving the character of Brian Kinney. Both men were willing to pull out all the STOPs.

"I'm **not** finished." Brian wiped at his lips.

"Sorry."

" _Look at me..._ "

"Alright." Michael fully turned his body to face Brian, brown eyes never wavering, arms secure about Brian's upper chest.

"God Damn..." Brian spun the seat around, reaching up to cup Michael's face in his hands. "... but I know what you mean about the latent affection at 14, then finding yourself... in your 30s... unable to envision anybody else by your side." Hazel zeroed on brown. "I've always loved you best and only. I can't give away my heart to another man. Well..." Brian smirked casually. "... at least without your permission or approval."

"Oh, Brian..." Michael dipped his head to Brian's chest. " _What do we do_?"  


 **~~TBC...**


	7. Chapter 7

 

Brian rested his chin on Michael's soft plait of hair. "You and I both know this... tonight... is what we've wanted to do for years. Maybe it's time to give in to the temptation." 

Michael rolled his head around to fit in the crevice of Brian's neck and collar, resting his cheek flat. "What happens after we do? Tomorrow morning... things will be changed. We'll be different, but for the good or the bad?"

"We'll never know if we don't take a chance."

"What if that chance is the end of us? Where does our friendship go from having finally experienced sex together?"

Brian surrounded his arms strongly around Michael's frame. "I know I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here." He tried to make Michael raise his head to look him in the eyes. "Are you uncomfortable? You've never been uncomfortable with me before?"

Michael shook his head. "It's **not** you... it's the camera." He let his eyes flick once toward Ben, then back down to Brian's shirt front.

"Are you scared of what the camera will see?"

Ben could almost swear Brian was "parenting" Michael right about now. The gentle rocking of their bodies, the low tone of his voice to soothe.

"The camera is inanimate. It's the people who'll watch us that'll be on my mind."

Brian softly chuckled. "You've always been shy, _a tad introvert_ , about sex."

"Brian..." Michael lifted his head with some confidence. "... this is a little more than public displays of affection on Liberty Avenue or in Babylon... or even Woody's."

"Ben.." Brian didn't even bother looking over at Ben. 

"Hmmm...?"

"Can I get a solid guarantee... only **you** and **your professor friend** see these tapes?"

"Of course. That was my plan all along. Once the thesis is complete, he'll decide if he needs to watch the footage or not.” Ben shrugged as if it was no big bother to get rid of what he was working on to capture. “I'll get the DVD back. If neither of you want it, I was going to destroy the disc and erase all my files."

Michael's brow furrowed in confusion. "You'll film for hours, but only use short clips? Doesn't make sense."

"The film actually helps me _write_ the paper, since it's a psychology paper. It'll verify words, actions and whatnot. The clips can confirm or deny what really happened. The details are in my writing, not in the video footage. I'm not making soft core porn, Michael. It's a character study on Brian."

Michael caught Brian's intense gaze, then lowered his eyes shyly. "Have you caught any of the other, uh... men... in a sexual act?"

"Well, uhm..." Ben cleared his throat, feeling a tad constricted in his esophagus. “... yeah, in a way.”

"Really?" Michael sounded more confused than shocked as he periodically looked at Ben under lowered lashes. Brian was more attentive to Michael's needs of comfort while the conversation went on about him and his past conquests.

"Some were a day or so after sex with Brian. One only two hours. They both felt at ease enough, in front of the camera, to do what they felt like."

"Did they masturbate?" Michael blinked slowly, eyes attempting to be steady. "Have sex? Have sex with you?"

"Yes... uh, yes... and no..." Ben scratched at his back hairline. "I'm not gonna lie. Watching them, during the interviews got me horny. But I never interfered. I waited until they were gone."

"Did you find yourself arriving at my apartment on any of those nights to enter my bed?" Michael could already sense he knew the answer; he only wanted to confirm.

"Yes."

"Christ!" Brian turned his head away in mild disgust. Although, he actually would have done something of the same ilk, but never _to Michael_. Using Michael to help fill sexual needs was something he'd always wanted to do, but never actually succeeded.

Michael was beginning to grow numb. He was constantly being disappointed by what he had thought was his close relationship with Ben, these last three months. "Where _exactly_ do **I** fit in again... _for Brian_?"

Back to the reason _why_ they were all here.

"You... are what keeps Brian human."

Michael and Brian shared a look of such perplexity, then Brian snickered, making a scary monster face, growling and showing "claws".

Michael chuckled, shaking his head. He playfully pushed Brian. "Quit it!"

"No. You... quit... it..." Brian was poking Michael in every one of his ticklish spots with both index fingers.

Ben didn't know if he could stand much more of _this_... and they hadn't even entered the bedroom yet. "Are you guys ready to answer some questions for the interview portion?"

"Yes." Michael chimed in as he smiled down at Brian, trying to show him how much f-u-n he was having.

"I suppose... if we _have_ to..." Brian moped and pouted.

"Let's move into the living room, then." Ben wandered over to place the camera back on the tripod. He also needed to charge up the battery packs. As he waited for Michael to sit, he began to veer the camera "eye" to focus on him. He knew Brian would chose to sit as close to Michael as he could. "Uh, okay... let's see if I remember some of these off the top of my head..."

Michael grabbed one of Brian's hands as he slid in next to him, dead center on the couch. Brian put his left arm along the back of the cushions behind Michael's head, so it was Brian's right hand Michael took between his two palms. Michael's eyes flittered up to watch Ben as he organized himself as if he had performed this action more than once, then retook his seat in the chair, caddy corner to Michael and Brian. "So... these are questions you've asked _**all**_ the men?"

"Yes, Michael." Ben adjusted his frames on his nose, pulling out his newly sharpened pencil, and a fresh legal pad. "There are quite a few of them. I'll start with the first set. See how far we go for an hour or more." He looked up at the time and jotted his needed information down. "Okay... _let's begin_..." He crossed one leg over his knee, laying the legal pad on his thigh. He took out a second note pad, with a spiral down the spine, with a bunch of number questions written in dark ink on the notebook lines.

Brian began to snuggle more near Michael, and crossed his left ankle over his right knee. The left knee almost rested on Michael's lap.

"This one is for _either_ of you... _what and who with was your first 'gay' experience?_ " Ben had enough time to gather his emotional control to treat this interview as if he were some kind of therapist. It was how he was taught to do these types of questions and be capable of withstanding such an overabundance of emotions and mental images after each interview. This one would be his hardest one yet..

Brian nodded his head, looking over at Michael. "Gym Coach. Locker room showers. I was..." He scratched at his upper lip. "... uhm... 14..."

Ben and Brian glanced over at Michael who was thinking _really_ hard.

" **Brian**... _same_ age..." Michael spoke matter of factly. He rubbed one hand over the top of Brian's hand.

Brian lifted a curious eyebrow toward Michael. "Me? You _serious_?"

Michael seemed cautious he might have been mistaken. "Wait... what constitutes the 'experience'? No sex... just 'feelings' and 'emotions', right?"

Ben slowly nodded his head, pinching his top lip. "Most likely the question is asking you when you _knew_ , _most certainly_ , that you were into guys. That you _were_ a homosexual."

"Then... _yeah_..." Michael nodded quickly, snuggling under Brian's arm. He felt the fingers cup his farthest biceps. "... **Brian**." He even blushed from the forgotten memory.

Brian did look away but then he shook his head. "No, wait... sorry... I can't stand it. _Explain_ , Michael."

Michael turned wide eyes to Ben. "Do I _have_ to?"

Ben smiled, motioning a hand toward Michael. "Up to you."

"Ben's n _ot_ here." Brian leaned forward to build up an "imaginary" wall between them and Ben. "Spill."

Michael switched his eyes to stare into Brian's penetrating gaze. "Community swimming pool... summer 198-..."

"Not _those_ kind of details... _the other ones_..."

Ben snickered under his breath. He knew exactly why Brian had that frustrated tone to his voice. He bit the top of his pencil, out of a bad habit. He needed a smoke, in the worst way.

"Well... _same_ as you. But you were showering to wash off the chlorine and you..." Michael used one hand to demonstrate a swipe into his waistband to his crotch.

Brian smirked, watching that weird maneuver Michael did with his hand. "I... _what_?"

Michael rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his belly. "You were lowering your trunks enough to show your pubic hair. You took your dick out for, like, a quick second..." He wiped at his brow. "... but I saw it. You weren't hard at all, but not small like most men are when flaccid. It... you... were beautiful."

Brian stared dumbfounded, then bit his bottom lip. He slid back into his old position, pulling Michael backward to cuddle into his chest. The arm that was once on the back of the couch was now secure across Michael's mid-torso, from around the back. He might actually like these questions... he was a _little_ horny.

Ben moved on to the next question. " _What... and who with... was your first sexual experience?_ "

"Does it have to be _gay_?" Brian asked with some trepidation.

Michael turned a shocked eye to Brian. "Wha-? Brian!"

"What?" Brian lowered his eyes, looking at the rug on the floor.

"You... you had sex _with a girl_?"

"Correction. _A woman_. No intercourse... and it was terrible. I thought I was The Shit."

"Brian..."

Brian sing-songed Michael's name. "MI-CHAEL!"

Michael sighed, glancing at his hands in his lap. "Well... my answer is pretty tame. Carter Riley. 10th grade."

Brian was a little taken aback. " **You** had Carter?! I couldn't get _near_ him."

"Maybe he liked brunettes." Michael brushed his fingers through his dark waves. "Or maybe you were boinking that _wo-_ _ **man**_ too much to notice." He didn't know if he liked knowing Brian had done _**that**_ _type_ of sexual experimentation. "Carter gave good head, though."

"How was he?" Brian's hand caressed Michael's skin on his belly.

"He only liked 'giving', not 'receiving'." Michael frowned at the memory, because he would have traded a few of his favorite comics to have gone down on that boy, in whatever capacity he wanted.

"Bastard. I hate it when they're picky." Brian grumbled, kissing the back of Michael's head, attempting to make him feel good about the loss.

Ben cleared his throat to signal the next question coming up. " _How would you describe yourself in a sexual relationship : T_ _ **OP, BOTTOM**_ _or_ _ **VERSATILE**_ _?_ "

"TOP!" Brian called out and even raised his hand.

"Versatile!" Michael yelled, then got the strangest looks from _both_ Brian and Ben.

_**"Michael!"** _

“ _ **Mikey!”**_

"What?!" Michael swiveled to look at Brian, then back at Ben.

Brian chuckled, squeezing Michael tighter. "Nothing."

"No, wait... can I change that?"

Ben wasn't able to contain his laughter. So he erased what he'd written. "Sure. To _what_?"

"I'm willing to be versatile with my partner in bed, but... I prefer being the BOTTOM."

"I knew it!" Brian chimed in.

Michael reached over to tweak a nipple.

"Ow!" Brian rubbed the soreness away, but had actually enjoyed the tweaking.

Ben kept his eyes on his papers, his pencil poised. " _What is your favorite sexual position?_ "

"Missionary."

"On my back."

Brian and Michael had spoken at the same time, saying... _pretty much_... the _same exact_ thing. They smirked at one another, glancing out the side of their eyes.

Ben wiped at his perspiring brow. These question were only going to become more difficult as he went along. He actually liked the one-on-one interviews better. " _What was the biggest cock you've ever had?... and is it true..._ _ **does**_ _size matter?_ "

Brian spoke up first. "Biggest cock... uhm... that **I** 've taken is a 9... and **N-O**."

Michael swallowed, dragging a pillow over to hold to his chest.

"Michael..." Ben had shifted his eyes from Brian to Michael, waiting.

"What?"

"You've been honest _this_ far." Ben tried to add some empathy to the mix.

"11 inches." Michael mumbled it under his breath.

"HOLY! SHIT!" Brian covered a hand over his face.

Michael flipped around to face Brian directly. "No.. c'mon... he told me he wasn't sure, but he thought he was 9 _soft_ \-- 10inches when _hard_. But... God Damn if he couldn't get it _**in**_ me all the way. I found out how big he _really_ was."

Brian made the most disgusted face Michael had ever seen, like he smelled sour milk. "Did you run away and join the circus?"

Michael had to chuckle because it was becoming a bit hilarious... back then, it had been _a total and complete meltdown_. "Brian... that's cruel. Dirk was a very sweet guy. Ted introduced us."

"Oh, Teddy..." Brian rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "I should have known. Freaks do tend to flock with their own. Did Gigantor ask for a second date to try again?"

"No. I'm afraid I couldn't even give him a decent blowjob. Handjob..." Michael demonstrated with his hand which caused both Ben and Brian to cringe in fright. "... but it was sloppy. And he... uh, _literally_ erupted when he orgasmed." He was beginning to make himself giggle. "I had to change my sheets _and_ take a shower when he left.

Brian became serious for a moment. "Did you _let_ him fuck you?"

" _Sort of_."

Brian moved to face Michael. "How the fuck does **that** happen?!"

"Brian..." Michael reached out to pet Brian's shirt and chest to console him. "... he was so painfully shy and inexperienced. He could only get halfway in before... well, let's simply say... YES... size _does_ matter when pain is involved and NO, I don't really care how big a guy is... as long as he knows what he's doing with what he's got." He tucked his leg under his butt, hugging the pillow to his chest. He was waiting for Brian to come back over to him.

"Amen to that!" Brian echoed as he contemplated eleven inches of _anything_ entering any orifice on his body, much less Michael's small body.

Ben wiped a hand over his face, keeping the fingers curled about his jaw. "This one's for _either_ of you... _how many is the most men you've had in one night_?"

Michael smiled at Brian. "I know **your** answer."  
  
" _I_ _ **know**_ _you know_." Brian glanced at Ben, sitting back, ramrod straight in the cushions. "Does it have to be that I was in the same room or do I have to have fucked every single one of them?"

Ben shrugged, looking at Michael watch, and listen closely to, Brian answer. "I don't think it really makes much difference."

"Then 5."

"Liar." Michael smiled and mumbled his heckle.

Brian turned his head to glare at Michael. " _How many then_?"

"There were almost 7. Including Ted."

"I never _fucked_ Ted!"

"Did I _say_ you _fucked_ Ted?!"

"He was innocently doing taxes... got invited to an orgy. No big deal."

"He talked about it for weeks. You made his year." Michael reached out to soothe over Brian's shoulders.

"Yeah, well... never say I don't try to be nice, every once-n-awhile." Hazel eyes challenged brown to admit _another_ secret. Michael sure had them stored away tight. "What about you?"

"3 or 4. Can't really recall. Drunken haze."

Brian went silent, stunned. "When?"

"Uhm..." Michael tried to think back. "... when I was first going out with David. I wasn't feeling so attractive... skipped out to Babylon. Snorted... drank. I could've smoked, not sure."

"You went _without_ me?" Brian couldn't believe this.

"Gus was still a baby, Brian. Priorities."

"Yeah, but still..." Brian slid over, grabbing Michael's knee and slipped up the thigh. "... something could have happened to you. I always told you to never do drugs... _even heavy alcohol_ without me."

Ben's startled gaze was frozen on Brian. What a truly heart wrenching thing for him to say. Jesus... that was something you said to someone you really had feelings for.

Michael slid over and down, coming up under Brian's arm. "I'm sorry." He brushed fingers over Brian's jawline. "You can't be there for me _all_ the time."

Brian swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "Of course not..." He nudged their heads together, ruffling the back of Michael's head. "... if you don't tell me what's going on. You could've come over. Spent some quality time with me and the Little Guy."

Michael closed his eyes, pressing his brow to Brian's cheek. "I'd already bothered you enough. You dressed me up... in all your fine, fancy clothes. You guaranteed I was so hot... he'd want to fuck me into the wall."

"What? Were you ashamed to come crawling back to me with another sad, pathetic tale of rejection?"

"I don't like failing you."

" **You** didn't fail me, Michael. David failed you."

Michael tucked his face into Brian's neck, one arm hugging him. "Thank you." He pressed a chaste kiss to Brian's lips, then they sat cuddled much more closer than ever on the couch.

Ben had to readjust his seating. " _Who... or what... is your Ideal Man?_ "

"Uh... eesh..." Michael found that one hard to respond to.

"Can we skip _**that**_ _one_ , Benji?"

"Why?" Ben glanced over his wire rims at Brian.

"Because I think there are better questions to be asked and we can ask _**that**_ _one_ later."

Ben shrugged one shoulder. "Okay. Only wondering." He turned the page in the spiral notebook. " _What do_ _ **you**_ _think is the most erotic part on_ _ **your**_ _body?_ "

"My cock..." Brian bellowed.

"My ass..." Michael filled in.

"My ass, too." Brian added after Michael's answer.

"Uhm... _maybe_ my thighs. I like my thighs... oooooo, and my biceps." Michael flexed them.

Brian chuckled, shaking his head.

Ben snickered as he glanced at the next question. " _What do you think is the most erotic part on... each other?_ Brian... you go first..."

Brian glanced at Ben for a long time before he broke away to look over at Michael, who was staring at him. "I'll agree with the 'ass' thing. But I'm gonna have to add... _the small of Michael's back_. And... _his lips_... _and eyes_."

Michael fluttered dark lashes over them for Brian, making him roll his own eyes.

"Michael?" Ben switched his gaze to look at Michael.

"I, uh... I like Brian's long torso, how it flows right into his hips. He's got great hips, especially when he wears really, _really_ tight leather or suede. And uh... his hands... the hair, can't forget the gorgeous hair. Eyes... it's what caught me first about you, how they change colors and all..." Michael was looking over Brian's entire inventory, not paying attention to how much Brian was smiling at him. "I like strong chins, too... the length of Brian's neck. Uhm... his lips... tongue. I like **his** thighs and biceps as well. And... gah... his calves tapering down to his ankles... and... sheesh, Brian is the _only_ man I know who can carry off bare feet... as sexy..."

"Is that **it**?" Brian asked in odd wonder.

"Do you mean your cock?” Michael raised a curious eyebrow, a smirk growing off one side of his mouth. “Well, Brian... we haven't been _formally_ introduced. I know it's _there_... I've _felt_ it, too, but..."

Brian put hands over his ears. " _Shut up_. _**ShutupShutupShutup**_..."

Michael started chuckling uncontrollably. " _Anymore_ questions, Ben?"

" _Three more_."

"You _okay_ , Brian."

Brian put pressure on his temples and rubbed. "Yes... I'll be fine in a little bit."

"Here... c'mon..." Michael scooted all the way to one end of the cushions, patted his pillow. He wanted Brian to lay down, with his head in his lap. "I think you can still respond as long as you don't fall asleep."

Brian settled on Michael's lap, feeling the tiny fingers comb through his mane of hair. He shut his eyes in complete bliss. "Go ahead, Benji... do your worst."

" _What's your biggest 'turn-off'?_ "

Brian opened his eyes, blinking long and slow because of Michael massaging his scalp. "Being unkempt. I like a man who is put-together well. He's clean. Works out. He doesn't have to eat healthy, but if he maintains his body well... I _like_ that."

Michael cleared his throat, prepared to reply next. "Uhm... well, mine have more to do with character. Rudeness... _**big**_ _turn off_. Anyone who thinks they're superior over the less fortunate. Uh... here's a weird one... _a bad dancer_. Don't ask me why. Bad table manners, but also... when their manners are _too_ good, bossing everyone around. Oooooo... and _guys who touch you when you talk_."

Brian bent his head upward to look at Michael. " _ **I**_ _touch you when I talk_."

Michael bent over Brian's face. "Yeah, but I _know_ you. I'm talking when we're at Babylon or Woody's and the guy can't say 'BOO' to you without feeling you up, especially when they think they can cup your crotch.'

"I do that to a few guys, but only if they've initiated first." Brian resettled his head on the pillow.

Michael petted Brian's forehead, brushing the bangs back. "I'm sure _some_ men appreciate it, but not me."

Ben rested his elbow on the chair arm, leaning his cheek on the hand. " _What is your biggest 'turn-on'?_ "

Michael put up a hand. "Can **I** go first?"

Ben chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah... go ahead."

"Physically... eyes _kill_ me. And a nice body. Someone taller than me. He doesn't necessarily _have_ to be great in bed, but he can't be atrocious." Michael covered Brian's mouth when he chuckled. "Character-wise... kindness... smart, witty. Good sense of humor. He _has_ to have a job, _his own income_ . I really don't care what job he has as long as he's working. Warm... affectionate... loving... uhm... I'll stop..." He began to blush a little. 

"Awww... and you were on such a roll." Brian grumbled as he pulled Michael's hand off his mouth, keeping the wrist in his clutches. He rested the hand flat to his upper torso.

" **Your** turn." Michael gave out a soft chuckle, patting Brian on the chest.

"Me?" Brian splayed a hand over his chest. "Well... I _do_ care if the guy is good in bed. Otherwise, why am I bothering? Character... I'm pretty okay with since I'm only around them for short periods of time. I like maturity in men... not old age maturity, but not school boy mentality. I like... uhm... well, I like a man who is good to his family. _Strange, I know_." He could feel Michael's fingertips brushing along his neck and collar. "Physically... what Michael said... great eyes... nice body, knows how to use it. I get turned on by good grooming. Maybe it's a terrible fetish, but I _like_ it."

" _One_ more... then we're done for awhile..." Ben let out a long sigh.

"What does _**that**_ mean?" Michael frowned not truly understanding the change of events.

Brian sat up, looking over at Michael. "We'll move into the bedroom."

"Already?!" Michael looked about wide-eyed and frightened.

"Michael..." Ben was about ready to explain, when Brian put out a hand to stop him from talking further.

"Nah... I got this, Benji." Brian faced Michael, head on. He reached out to grab both of his hands, they were shaking. "Tell me what **I** _need_ to do to make you feel at ease."

" _For one thing_... why aren't you _more_ upset over this situation.” Michael wasn't sure why it bothered him that Brian was extremely nonchalant about what could happen between them tonight, while he kept being such a basketcase. “Right from the moment we found the missing journal... you've been... _changing_. Not in a bad way, but you've gotten, _calmer_. Your hand is being forced. You never simply cave in _without_ a fight.” He couldn't believe that Brian would bend this easily to comply with Ben's wishes; there had to be another excuse Brian was keeping to himself. “You haven't really been as angry as I thought you'd be."

Brian smirked, looking at Michael under long lashes. " **Not** as upset as **you** , apparently."

Michael brought their arms to his lap, pulling Brian closer. "Brian... it's a _biased_ character study on **you**. Based on random men who've only known you for a few hours. I've known you for almost 20yrs... and there are some days when I can't _define_ you. Others when you knock me off my feet with who you _really_ are. _Who you keep from the world._ The rest of the time you piss me off..." Brian and Michael shared a chuckle. "... making me wonder sometimes why I'm even your best friend."

"Just curious... why _are_ you **my** best friend?"

**~~TBC...**


	8. Chapter 8

 

"Because I know you too well now." Michael reached out a hand to caress Brian's cheek. "The thought of you being alone scares me. You need someone in your life who keeps you grounded. I _suppose_ that's **me** . You've always protected me when we were younger. I'm simply attempting to do half as good a job as you did and still do... _so flawlessly_ ." 

"I'm flattered by your need to care for me, your protective nature. I know it's kept me going most of my life. Don't ever think a day hasn't gone by that I don't think... ' _What would Michael think of me?_ '... or what you'd say to me or to my face to kick my ass in gear. You're _here_..." Brian tapped two fingers on his forehead. "... and _here_..." Then he gently tapped his heart. "But tonight... you're _here_ too." He rubbed the same hand over his stomach, meaning his "gut". "I'm as frightened as you are. Not about the possibility of sex. I'm good with _that_. But it's you... my best friend. My... well, I'll always think of you as 'mine', no matter _who or what_ comes into your life to take you away."

"I feel the _same_. It's why I don't think I could tolerate Justin in your life. Why I'm okay with you tricking. As long as you don't fall in love with anyone... I still have a 'shot'..."

"You always have a 'shot', Michael. I can't love anyone else half as much as I love you."

Ben had to look away and down to his legal pad of notes. He _had_ his answer, _right there_. He had proof to his thesis, his paper could probably end right here. But he'd always been a firm believer that going in excess was up to par on a creative level. He couldn't **not** ask them to pull away from one another now. He sensed they were both _ready_ , _probably had always been ready_. Only needed that extra push of courage, feelings out in the open. They had conversed to a point where _anything_ was possible.

Michael cleared his throat, trying to blink away the wetness from his eyes. "Uhm..." He looked over at Ben. "... you said there was _one more question_..."

Ben nodded his head. "The one that was skipped."

" _Which was_?" Michael squinted his eyes to try and recall which one it had been.

" _Who or what... is your Ideal Man?_ "

"Oh... yeah..." Now Michael remembered it, because he still wasn't sure he could answer the question to his liking.

"... **that** one..." Brian pinched his lips between his fingers.

"... yeah..." Michael voice was tiny and quiet.

"I think it's a trick question."

Michael smirked, tucking a few locks of hair behind Brian's ear. "Why do you say **that**?"

"Look at our answers to some of the questions. We've almost been asked to cut-n-paste our Ideal Man together, yet... _what is this question_ _ **really**_ _asking_?"

"What do you mean, Brian?" Ben was intrigued by what Brian was trying to simplify.

"Is the meaning of 'Ideal Man', like... an _idea of Mr. Right_? Or is the Ideal Man _someone we aspire to love in the real world_?"

Ben was shocked. For a complete bastard, Brian sure could use general human psychology when he needed to. " _Excellent_ point."

"Because... we've already established Mr. Right in our last couple of answers."

"So, then I guess you can say the question means the _latter_ choice." Ben squinted his eyes at Brian. "When I asked the question... when we skipped it... you already _had_ an answer, didn't you? _A knee jerk response_?"

"Yes." Brian nodded slowly, his eyes averted from Michael's intense stare.

"What was **it**?" Ben could pretty much figure it out on his own.

_**"Michael."  
"Brian, I..."** _

Brian and Michael had spoken at the same time. Both of them looked at one another. Brian almost apologetic for knowing exactly how he wanted to answer. Michael was simply going to try to hide the answer, because this was too much ammunition for Ben, or anyone else, to use against Brian.

"And **you** , Michael? What was **your** first reaction?" Ben could see Michael's hesitation of **not** wanting to hurt his boyfriend's feelings. "It's _okay_. This is a surreal experience for all of us. It's simply a question trying to conjure up an immediate reply. I've gotten through most of your answers fine, _a bit shaky_. It's only..."

"Brian."

"Brian... _what_?" Brian turned to look between Ben and Michael.

"No. **That** 's my answer. **Brian**." Michael smiled broadly over at Brian, rubbing his hand at the nape of Brian's hairline.

"Oh." Brian sat back in the cushions of the couch. He was realizing he'd been worried about Ben much too quickly. Thinking his place in Michael's life, and his heart, had been usurped.

Michael glanced over at Ben, seeing how silent he had gone. "You _wanted_ me to be honest."

"I know. I'm glad I can finally hear the truth... _for once_." Though Ben's heart was breaking, he couldn't help feel that Michael did care enough about him, taking gentle care of trying **not** to hurt his feelings. **That** , unfortunately, was inevitable.

"Doesn't mean I'm _incapable_ of loving you, Ben. Or love you any less than I do now. Even right this second. I'll admit... I'm confused. Only because you haven't been as honest with me as I thought we were being with one another. These past three months... _discovering what you've been doing in secret_..." Michael shook his head in sadness.

Ben sat forward, putting up a hand out for Michael to stop. "... all that aside, you can _never_ love me completely... or _**only**_..."

"That's **not** _love_ , Ben. That's _possession_. I'm no man's property. I choose who to give my heart to. If it happens to be both you and Brian, _what's wrong with_ _ **that**_? I don't know why men think it isn't possible to love _two men_ , but _differently_."

"In a way...” Ben cleared his throat as he swallowed with some difficulty. This was harder to hear than it was to conjure up in his head, after all these months. “... I see it as you loving me for the sex and the companionship, when Brian's not there. But, yet, when he is... he's got you utterly under his spell."

"Is **that** what you think I'm doing with you?" Michael wasn't sure he was hearing this correctly from his ears to his brain. “ _Biding my time where I'd be bored out of my mind?_ ”

"Michael, you said it yourself. You see us 5yrs down the line, _most likely married_ , maybe. I'd love for that to be... possible. But I also want to know I can take my husband... _my partner_... _the man I love_... away for a weekend without you constantly thinking about Brian."

"I didn't know it annoyed you so much." Michael dropped his eyes, feeling guilty. "Well... maybe I _did_ , but you led me to believe it was cool with you. It's _who_ _ **I**_ _am_ , Ben. More than loving Brian as much as I do, he's _my family_. We've done tons of fun things together. Wanting to share the experience with him doesn't have any bearing on you and I. It matters _only_ to me."

"But when you start missing him, getting sad and melancholy... then it'll become **my** problem too." Ben jutted an index finger in the center of his chest.

"Oh... okay..." Michael rubbed a hand over his brow, overwhelmed by this new attitude of Ben's. "... uhm... I gotta go take a leak... I'll be back." He simply dropped Brian's hand from his grasp and bolted.

" _Michael..._ " Ben called out as Michael dashed into the bedroom and out of the conversation. Like he usually did when they confronted one another about _this very topic_.

Brian remained quiet, rubbing the palm of one hand with the thumb of his other hand.

Ben could feel Brian's eyes on him, even though he never looked directly at him. "Do **you** understand where I'm coming from? Am **I** _wrong_ to feel _this_ way?"

Brian sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I do... and I don't. I know what it's like to want Michael all to yourself. But you're coming from years of a sex life like mine, getting sick and then trying to cope with the iff-i-ness of safe copulation while you've been surviving. You _forget_... _as all men do_... _this is_ **Michael**. I've got 20yrs on you, Benji. I know it sounds weird to you, but it has been possible for Michael to separate you and I apart. If you were with any other man, it'd be way more different. You'd have to be concerned."

"So... I _am_ truly ruining not _only_ your friendship, but _my own relationship_ with Michael? By giving you two permission to experiment further than you've ever been before?"

Brian didn't really want to lop advice on Michael's boyfriend, especially if it helped improve he and Michael's relationship. He knew Ben could do his own thing to destroy whatever he had with Michael on his own dime. "You asked me earlier, when Michael was in the shower, about why I can't find anyone like Michael did... and has done."

"Yeah... your answer was a little half-assed, but I think I've gathered enough to know what you meant."

"Maybe you need it said more clearer to comprehend. I told you what made you think I hadn't already fallen in love, because I _already_ have. _I have, I had and I will... always... love_ _ **one**_ _man_. I know you've heard snippets of my upbringing. Probably already know my Pop wasn't gonna make Pittsburgh's Father Of The Year." Brian sat forward, arms on his kneecaps. "Michael entered my life, at a time, when I would have wanted nothing better than to... run away from my life... end it at that very moment or not exists at all."

"Brian... you don't have to..." Ben hadn't meant for Brian to spill his whole personal history.

"Ah, _but I do_ , Benji. I most _certainly do_. You've come this far in my life story, how about you take a few minutes to hear from The Man himself."

"Okay... _I'm listening_." Ben sat back, not bothering to take out his notes.

Brian stared ahead of him, past the coffee table. "Michael will never know this, but the week that I met him... I was planning something BIG. Something drastic to change my fate. I wanted nothing more than to fulfill my Pop's deepest wish. _Not to exist at all_. I contemplated my big move. I'd _disappear_. Then came Michael." His face radiated a glow, of sorts. The smiles quick to sprout as he talked. "Plans changed. I put off that 'plan' for a good month or two. Kept myself busy, away from Jack. Stayed with Michael and Debbie. Met Uncle Vic. I became a part of their family. I wanted _**in**_ , _desperatel_ y. I wanted Debbie to be my mom. Vic to be my Uncle. And more than anything I wanted Michael. More than the 'want', _I needed him_. He made me find self-worth again... _my purpose_. He gave me a reason to be. I found out my Pop was wrong. He might not want me or love me, but I knew three people who did... _and still do_."

 

Ben sat back in his seat, unsure of how to take this version of “Brian Kinney”. It was tough to think of him like any other human being, and not some kind of character living out a faked life out of some crazy dime-store novel. He let Brian continue with his story, while remaining silent and contemplative. 

"So... my dark thoughts on ending my miserable life fluctuated into becoming a better man than Jack ever was. Be a success where **he** had failed." Brian looked over at Ben, now. His eyes steady and intense. "Now... my fantasy simply was running away, out of The Pitts, never to come back. I _tried_ that... _once_. Didn't last, kept thinking about Michael and... _well, fuck_... I _missed_ him. So I held off on my 'big plans' until I knew where Michael wanted to be. He's got some idea Pittsburgh _is_ his home and _here_ is where he'll stay. It's why I can never _truly_ leave, either. But... he's wrong. Because for me... 'home' or the idea of its concept is _**Michael**_. Wherever he is... is where I feel I most belong. I can't love anybody else again or the same. I only give my heart away once. And it's been in Michael's keeping since the day we met."

"Brian..."

The soft, tender voice called out from the vicinity of the bedroom.

Both Brian and Ben turned their heads to see Michael standing in the bedroom doorway.

" _Michael..._ " Ben started to say something, but realized Michael's brown gaze was stuck on Brian, who was slowly standing to his tall height.

" _I'm ready_." Michael smiled shyly. "Come to bed, Brian." He held out his hand, stretching his fingers out for Brian to take.

Brian wandered out from the couch to stroll over to the two steps leading into his bedroom. He took the offered fingers. "Michael, _don't_... don't do this _for_ _ **me**_."

"Don't do this _for_ _ **me**_ , either." Michael gestured his head for Brian to climb up the two steps to enter the bedroom fully. "I'm a big boy now. If I can't make my relationships work out, _away from you_... that's **my** problem to face. Not **yours**."

"I'll still feel some guilt." Brian stopped right beside Michael, staring down at him.

"I know, because you're human. And you **do** have a heart." Michael punctuated that fact for Ben's ears. " _One that beats for me_ ." He turned to face Brian, his right palm moving to caress Brian's shirt over his right breast. "You want **my** happiness above **your** own. You'll sacrifice all that we are for this _one moment_ so Ben can stay here and be in my life. **That** ... _that alone_ ..." He shook his head in stunned bewilderment. "... is how _I_ _**know** _ _you love me_ . Because you'd only do something that foolish, and reckless, for me and nobody else." 

Brian ran the back of his knuckles down Michael's cheek. "Are you sure you're willing to go through with _this_?"

"Yes."

"... because..." Brian cupped the underside of Michael's head, making their eyes connect. "... _at any time_... _don't care how far we've gone_... if you want me to stop, we stop. _No more_."

"I know, but... I don't want to stop. Ever."

" _One night_ , Michael."

"Yes. _One... night_. _No_ _ **more**_ _. No_ _ **less**_."

"Exactly."

" _No apologies. No regrets._ "

"I couldn't have said it better myself."

Ben was preparing to move the camera closer, he reached the steps to enter the bedroom, but Michael didn't budge.

Brown eyes stared blankly at steel blue. "You said this wasn't going to be soft core porn, so I expect you to keep your promise. _This_... is as far as I'm allowing you in. _Sorry..._ you wanted to invade Brian's privacy, there's gonna be some rules now that **I** 'm involved."

Ben swallowed with some difficulty in speaking. "Fair enough."

"You can zoom the lens all you want, but don't record the sound. That means **no** microphone and **no** voice recorder device. I'll let you write or scribble your notes, but I _can't_ have you dictating every word out of our mouths. All I will allow you to write are _your own thoughts/observations/interpretations_. It's not important what Brian or I say, has no bearing on your thesis."

"Uh... agreed." Ben blinked in shock, finding this commanding side of Michael pretty sexy. Why had he never seen it before?

"Oh... and _no_ commenting... or heckling..." Michael had one of Brian's hands in his grasp. He let Brian walk over to stand behind him, blocked by his small frame.

"Michael..." Ben rolled his eyes at the idea he could even speak while filming what he was about to see with his own eyes.

"Complaints or whining that I don't do or say the same things with you. This isn't a fuckin' ' _Who wants to be Mikey's Mr. Right'_ contest. _Got_ _ **it**_?"

"Yes, Michael." Ben could see Brian trying to hide his laughter behind Michael's head. "Stop smirking, Brian."

"Sorry." Brian cleared his throat, not able to look directly at Ben's face. "Nervous reaction."

"Whatever."

"You gonna take awhile to set up?" Michael asked as he began walking away from Ben with Brian in tow.

"Yes. You did give me a grocery list of instructions, Michael."

"I was only asking to find out how much free time we had before you filmed us. Find out where you wanted us to be." Michael threaded his fingers with Brian's, pacing toward the bed. "What do you like to start off with first, Brian?"

"Tell me what your thoughts were... and we'll work from there."

"I'd like us to start off slow, but I wasn't sure if you wanted me to undress you... or if you wanted me undressed."

"Hey... _hey... hey_... it's **me** , Mikey." Brian lowered his head to catch Michael's gaze. "Don't be so scared. It's better to just sit on the bed. See what happens _naturally_.”

Brian sat down first, Michael sat on Brian's left. Before Brian could even speak or touch him, Michael switched to Brian's right side.

"Michael..." Brian snickered at Michael's nervousness.

"Nah, I'm good. I was just, uhm... we've been _here_ before, _in this position_. I thought it would be comforting to begin there." Michael leaned back, his hands planted on the mattress. He watched Brian's hand on his knee as it crept up his inner thigh.

"You had jeans on then." Brian's hand stopped at the mid point and simply rubbed. "A lot more sexy than sweat pants."

"I can change for you." Michael was about to stand and go find a pair of jeans.

Brian shook his head. "Michael... _stop_."

"No. I'm fine. _Really_." Michael put out a hand to tell Brian he didn't want to stop this night from happening.

"No. What I meant was stop trying to make everything 'picture perfect'. I can't have great sex if you feel like planning every single move. We have to be spontaneous. _Go with what we feel_."

"Is it important to let you know I feel like upchucking?"

"Is your stomach bothering you **that** much?"

"No... well, besides the cage of butterflies let loose in my belly... _I'm great_."

"Yeah... okay... _message received_. Lay on your back."

"Brian."

"If Benji runs out of footage filming the non-sex stuff, it's his own damn fault. I get _one night_ with you. I'm not about to screw around just to finally fuck you."

"Ugh... _how disappointing_..." Michael rolled his eyes, teasing. He watched Brian move to kneel on the floor in front of him. He was tall enough, even on his knees, to tower over Michael, even as he lay on his back, legs legs dangling down off the bed frame.

Brian chuckled, he yanked the elastic waistband of the sweats down a few inches. "I was meaning to tell you... I like my t-shirt on you."

"Thanks. I didn't know you were _this_ tiny in high school." Michael played with lifting up the hem, exposing the upper portion of his abdominal wall. “You've _always_ seemed bigger than me.”

Brian had drawn down the elastic of both the sweat pants and Michael's underwear, skimming the pubic bone. No dark pubic hair in sight. “All right, Mikey...” Brian rubbed his palms together to stimulate warmth. "... I'm about ready to touch you, _so don't giggle_."

Michael did, even in the anticipation of the touch. "I'll _try_ not to."

"Yeah... that's working so well for you." Brian simply put his palms, flat, on Michael's abdomen and began to soothe in small circles. "You seriously have _the worst_ gastrointestinal tract I know of."

"Sorry." Michael pouted, bottom lip extended. "I think it was the pizza. Did you order from Gino's or Tony's?"

"Freddie's."

"Freddie's?!? Oh, well no wonder. He uses butter instead of oils on his dough. Ahhh... the wonders of being lactose intolerant."

"You know... _this may sound weird_ , but _this_ is kind of turning me on." Brian could almost dispel the fact they were being filmed. Keeping Ben outside the bedroom was a brilliant idea.

"Ha... you just like me best when I'm wounded and you can swoop in, save the day and take care of me." Michael reached out to sift fingers through Brian's fluffy hair.

"No less than what you do for me." Brian kissed the inner palm and wrist of the hand.

"Yeah..." Michael rose up a bit, grabbing onto Brian's forearms. "C'mon... come here..."

"I was gonna go get you something fizzy to drink." Brian pointed with his thumb toward the kitchen.

"Brian, I'm fine. False alarm. You're hands took away whatever was aggravating me."

"You wanted **me** to make the first move." Brian hitched a knee up on the bed.

Michael scooted back to lay in the center of the mattress, legs not dangling down. "Uh... _hello_... I made the first move by asking you to come into the bedroom."

Brian crawled over to plant legs on either side of Michael's body. "I wonder _what_ Ben's writing."

They could hear the distant scratching of pencil lead on legal paper.

Michael reached up to cup Brian's hips. "Maybe we should start speaking louder, so he won't feel so left out."

Brian started laughing, Michael simply shared in the hilarity only _they_ understood. "You... _are so bad_. I'm sure this is a new level of kink for me. I've fucked a guy's boyfriend while he watched, but he actually got jealous. I could never tell if it was because of me or the noises his boyfriend made as I pounded into him. The guy wanted to join in with us. So it quickly became a threesome. But... " He stretched out his body now to lay on top of Michael. “... I've never been just watched and filmed at the same time.

"So... never again can you claim I don't do anything fun, new and exciting with you." Michael encircled his arms about Brian's waist, locking his hands together.

"I won't. Think Ben will want to join in later?"

" _Later_?"

"Michael... I've got permission _from_ your boyfriend to have my way with you. When I fantasize about this moment... it's _never simply one fuck_..."

"You've _fantasized_ about me?" Michael couldn't help **not** smiling like a fool. “ _About a moment like this?_ ”

  
"Yes. Haven't you?" 

"Yes. How does it usually happen for you?"

"Casually. Like we are now. Talking, laughing and suddenly... we're going at one another. You can't stop _touching me_... _licking me_... _kissing me_. And when I slip inside the first time, you cum instantly... _so beautiful you are_. I'm ramming you so hard and fast... you cum again... and I literally orgasm so forcefully... I break the condom..."

"With your Super Sperm? Did it break or did it eat through like acid? 'Cause if so... I don't want your rubber-dissolving jiz to be in my anal cavity."

“No!! Good God, no!!” Brian was chuckling so deeply he fell on Michael's chest. " _Nothing_ _ **that**_ _terrible_. There was so much sperm, the rubber was overloaded and ruptured. That's all."

"What _else_?" Michael loved the feel of Brian's belly shaking against his stomach as he laughed.

"Uhm... somehow, the condom disappears and now I'm just fucking you raw. Bareback. Which you know I'd _never_ do, but I guess... that's what fantasies are meant to represent. _What we'd never do in reality_."

"Yet... here we are... in your bed... preparing to... _you know what_..."

" _What_?"

Michael playfully pushed at Brian's face. "Jerk!"

"In my fantasies neither of us are ever fully satiated. Like once we have that _first_ experience... we want one another more and more. Often. And the sex grows more intense. Not filthy or dirty... just... gah... _a little violent and hurtful_. I always think I'm wearing you out, but you keep begging me to fuck you, _harder and harder_. No matter how many times I've made you climax... _you always want more_..."

"Sheesh... I'm exhausted from listening."

Brian shuffled to hover over Michael's face. "What's your fantasy about us like?" He planted his forearms on either side of Michael's head.

"Oh... we're holding hands on the beach... walking along the shoreline... waves crashing against the sea rocks. We're in our bare feet... footprints embedded on the wet sand. I'm always scared when the tide comes closer to me. I squeal... jump in your arms. We fall onto the dryer portion of the beach. Though we were fully dressed... now we're completely naked and you make sweet love to me as the water rushes over us..."

"Liar... that is such a fib. Sounds like one of those sentimental chick flicks you like."

"Yeah... _it does_... _doesn't it_?"

"Confession. Tell me the truth."

"Uhm... Babylon. Backroom. Me against the wall, face first. And yes... _oddly_... sex for us, _in my dream_ , is always a little painful... _violent, but not abusive_. I've also thought about doing it raw, but then for some reason I think even my subconscious wants me to stay healthy. So... you have a condom on... l _ike an invisible flesh-looking condom..._ "

"Well... it's all due to my Super Sperm, _don’t you know_?"

Michael was laughing hysterically, knowing this must look weird on camera. They hadn't even started sex, yet. "My god... Ben must be bored out of his mind..."

"Michael... I forgot he's even here. He's being awful quiet... like a mouse..."

"I was a little forceful with my rules. Maybe I hurt his feelings."

"I think that's a moot point, compared to what will be happening between us, in front of him."

"I **do** feel bad, but... he backed us into a corner." Michael brushed his face over Brian's. “I haven't said one word I've regretted tonight.”

"Me, either." Brian leaned down to rub his hands down the side of Michael's face. "You still have the prettiest eyes and fairest skin."

"Stop." Michael turned his head away in embarrassment. “You're making me blush.”

"Hmmm... _curious_... let's see how far it goes down." Brian tugged at the collar to rip the shirt off Michael's chest.

Michael snatched Brian's hands. "No!... _no... please_... **not** yet..."

"What's wrong?" Brian was chuckling but looked deeply into darkening brown eyes.

"All night... you haven't kissed me _once_... _kiss me_... I'm _literally_ dying to taste your lips..." Michael lifted up his head, slightly, taunting Brian with his open mouth.

"... oh, lord... you know just what I need to get in the mood." Brian tilted his head to come down on Michael's lips at an angle, but Michael put up one finger over his lips.

"Can I tell you something?"

Brian kissed the finger. "Sure."

"We would have done this eventually... _on our own_."

"Yes... most likely..."

"We're not being pressured into this, are we?"

"No. Certainly not."

"Jesus... _one night_..." Michael took the time to look over Brian's features. Ones he knew by heart, just by closing his eyes. "... don't know, Brian... what if I'm not **that** good...?"

" _You are..._ " Brian soothed a hand under Michael's chin, down his upper chest.

"How do you _know_? You've had so many men. How can I compare?"

"I didn't love any of them as much as I love you... and want you. Tonight... will be my first time..."

"Huh?"

"I'm not fucking tonight... I might actually really 'make love', if that's not too cheesy to admit. Does that make you feel better?"

"Yeah... **that** 's a great start."

Ben looked at his watch, double checked the time stamp, made sure his extra battery was standing by and pulled up a dining room chair to sit on next to the tripod. He knew once things got officially started he might not be able to watch. So he took the time to catch up on his notes. He could faintly hear the discussion between Brian and Michael. Certainly heard _**his**_ _name_ a few times.

But hearing _the laughter_... _witnessing the closeness_... _watching the intimate care Brian took of Michael_... Ben knew... tonight would be more than just a dissolve of a long-standing friendship, but the first budding of a true partnership between these attractive, and attracted, best friends. His heart heavy, Ben looked through the viewfinder... even though it was happening "live" in front of his very eyes. It killed the guilt and shame. It squelched the heartache and loss. He could hear the kissing... _so much of it_... _lips smacking and deep, low giggling and chuckles_. They hadn't even undressed yet and Ben was already stiff as a board. He could only imagine how much of this he could withstand before it became completely unbearable.

It was 10:45pm... _or thereabouts_... and he'd give them past midnight. That was nearly three hours to make the most of this one night together.

**~~TBC...**


	9. Chapter 9

  
"Michael?" 

"Yeah, Brian?"

"Be gentle. I'm fragile."

"augh! You... are such a pretentious jackass..."

Brian closed his eyes in bliss. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"May I say _something_... _before we_...?"

"Uh... I guess..."

"We haven't done _anything different_ than we've done before..."

"Yeah?"

"... and I can already tell... _this night won't be enough for me_..."

"What are you _saying_ , Michael?"

" _I love Ben_."

"Yup. Got it. It's why you're here."

"But... _I do_ _ **love you**_ _more_..."

"Michael..."

"Wait... wait... don't shoot me down until you hear me out..."

"What are you _trying_ to say?"

"Ben giving us this one night. Like I said, I don't think it will be _enough_. I know _how_ you are... you'll _need_ your frequent tricks on the side..."

"Whoa, whoa... _no, wait_... Michael... don't do this to yourself."

"If I didn't have Ben in my life, I'd be a tad more possessive..."

"No. I won't... _have an affair with you_."

"So... _for_ _ **you**_ _, tonight will be enough_?"

"No... I don't know. I can't make a snap decision like you can. I have to see how I feel afterward."

"We can't rewind time. Once we do this, there's no going back."

"I know this, Michael. I suppose... what I'm hoping for is that one of us comes to some type of conclusion of _what_ to do. Because I can tell you now, if it were up to me... _once you're in my bed, I don't share_. I won't share you with anyone. _Even with Ben_."

"Happy to hear that."

"I knew you would be."

"Now... shut up... and kiss me like I've been wanting..."

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

They would talk, then kiss. Talk, then nudge faces, sliding cheek against cheek. Talk, then sigh, their hearts and lungs finding a matched tempo. Talk, then laugh, their hands merging in tight bonds of entangled fingers, palm to palm.

Never had Ben heard such laughter in bed. Like childish giggling, hard to tell who was who. He had expected Brian and Michael to do something out of the norm. But what he certainly didn't expect was what they had outside of the bedroom could be duplicated in between the sheets.

Michael touched Brian's hair, his stubble, he sculpted a hand down the biceps and forearms and then he would grab those hips. Those were some of the parts of Brian that Michael found erotic. Michael's right hand trailed under the cotton t-shirt, sliding up the dips and curves of Brian's back.

Ben was shocked Michael hadn't tried to reach into Brian's jeans and discover _the one thing_ every other man had been interested in.

 _Not tonight._ Not when Michael had Brian Kinney in his arms where he always dreamed him to belong.

With his sexuality forefront, Ben thought Brian would start to peel Michael's sweats off, so he could satisfy his own lustful desires. _Why not?_ That's what won men over in Brian's bed. The commanding way he took charge, knowing _exactly_ what he wanted. He even knew how to pleasure his bed partners, despite seeking his own fulfillment.

But, apparently, _not tonight_. Not with Michael.

More than anything, the way Brian lay along Michael on the bed, he looked as if he was _holding_ Michael. Not a hug, but a strong, yet, warm embrace. That smile that seemed unshakable on Brian's face, as if Michael was the most precious thing in the world to him. He'd kiss Michael, then trail those wet lips over features he'd grown to love over time. His hands, _when they weren't clutching Michael_ , brushed over the bare midriff. Brian had a strange fascination with Michael's pale, soft skin. Like he'd love nothing better than to crawl inside Michael and burrow.

Michael began lifting Brian's shirt hem, Brian bowed his head to make the action smoother. Both their hands reached for Michael's shirt hem. But the caresses sparked the need to kiss again. This time the lip locks lasted longer, tongues coming out to play. Michael got rid of his shirt, chucking it over near Brian's. He shifted, drawing his legs up, bent at the knee. Brian fit between the spread thighs. Michael's hands traced up the long back, fingernails scraping up and down.

At one point, Michael shyly turned his face away, allowing Brian access to his neck and shoulder joint. Brian took the offer, kissing and lapping over Michael's collarbone and upper chest. He brought up his hands to grasp Michael under the armpits, thumb pads directly under the dark rosy nipples. They were hard, pert, begging to be suckled.

The fantasy of Michael the other night flashed through Brian's mind. He could sense the unconscious action of Michael thrusting his chest at his mouth as he arched on the pillow. This small move was sending Michael into madness. Michael's hips began rolling, his hands in a frenzied need to pull Brian even closer than he was.

Shockingly, Brian was taking his time, Michael becoming the one with a voracious appetite. He simply gripped Brian's shoulders and let his body fall completely under Brian's control. Whatever Brian did would spark a reaction from Michael. The whimpering and moaning were silenced by kisses. Brian's method to quiet Michael tended to be a combination of his lips, his tongue, his hand on Michael's face and then the words whispered into Michael's ear. They caused Michael to close his eyes, nodding slowly, pecking at or near Brian's own mouth and all over his skin.

Brian rolled them over. He lay on his back, Michael over him, straddling. Hands finally delved under the sweats, then the underwear. Brian freed the upper curves of Michael's rear, but didn't lower the material. His palms cupped the rounded flesh. This time he massaged and split apart the cheeks. His deft fingers slipping down the crack to stimulate the puckered skin.

Michael let out a small cry of pleasure, swiftly swallowed by Brian's mouth. Michael's hips began thrusting, pushing against the fingertip. Brian didn't penetrate, he simply teased, nearly sending Michael into orbit. Michael fell forward onto Brian's chest, attacking his bare flesh. He tenderly bit at the rounded shoulder joint as they both lowered Michael's sweatpants and underwear. The clothes were thrown in the same direction as the shirts.

The friction of throbbing cock on denim caused Michael to suck in some air. He rose up off Brian's torso and began rubbing himself over Brian's erection underneath. This was where Brian lost control. Michael pinned Brian's bent arms beside his head, laying flat on Brian's chest, imprisoning him to the mattress.

Ben perked up, eyebrow raising in curiosity. Brian was actually allowing dominance over him? Was that even possible?

There Michael was completely naked and vulnerable... _at Brian's half-clothed mercy_. Brian obviously could have overpowered Michael. He chose **not** to, _he gave in_. Not like a forfeit, but opening his own body for Michael to find his own pleasure. Because, in essence, _whatever pleased Michael, turned Brian on ten times more_.

Brian groaned, arcing his back, showing a paltry resistance to Michael's "forceful" grip on his wrists. Michael feasted on his skin, nipples and inhaled his heady scent. His hands weakened in their hold the lower he went down Brian's body. His fingers clutched at the jean waistline, kissing the denim covered length. He could feel the radiating heat against his cheek. As Michael undid the series of buttons to gain beneath the tough fabric, he could detect that Brian hadn't bothered with underwear. He shut his eyes in bittersweet happiness. As if knowing Brian had some inkling this was where they'd end up tonight. Michael brushed a hand over Brian's face, down his chest, instructing him to take off his jeans while he went to the nightstand. He would grab the condom and lube.

Ben eyed Brian methodically shimmying out of his jeans, hazel eyes intent on Michael's naked form at the tight muscles and pale skin stretched to reach the drawer. The eyes may have _flashed_ toward the hard cock hidden, caught between Michael's body and the bed, but Brian trailed his gaze to follow Michael's face and his hands.

Michael was turned away from the camera, but Ben could hear him opening and closing the drawer, like three or four times. Ben caught Brian's laughter as he turned on his right side, showing his bare backside to the camera. Brian was deeply chuckling which probably told that Michael kept adding more and more condom packets to the pile in his hand. When Michael returned, Brian scooted to sit up high, _somewhat_ , on his back. Michael dumped the quantity of rubbers on Brian's lap that made Brian Kinney's brow raised in curiosity.

Michael smiled, crawling back over Brian's legs. He shrugged one shoulder. "Just in case."

"C'mere..." Brian reached down his hands to grab for Michael's forearms.

Michael bit at his bottom lip, swiping away all the condom packets, fitting himself over Brian's hips. He pressed chest to chest, the move causing his rear to raise in the air. He shifted his knees to spread his thighs wider. Brian had opened the tube of lubricant, covering at least three fingers, planning to start with one and slowly increase. Michael moved up higher on Brian's torso, letting the access to his bottom less of a reach. His cock now lay dead center on Brian's chest. Brian's hazel eyes never left Michael's darkening brown eyes as he moved his hands down the slope of Michael's backside. Michael's anus met Brian's finger, sinking in deeply.

  
They kissed. Michael rolled his hips, meeting Brian's hand. Increasing to two caused Michael to rise off Brian's torso. Brian lifted his body, as well, making Michael raise up further and fall back onto his digits. 

Brian rested his forehead on Michael's jaw. " _Rest... on my legs..._ "

"Brian... _what_...?" Michael didn't understand for only a minute, but when he realized what position Brian wanted him in, he did what was requested. It was almost like laying in "missionary" position, but doing so on Brian's lap.

Watching Michael fall backward onto his legs, Brian increased to three fingers, beginning to stroke the prostate. Michael nearly fell apart. Though this position caused Michael's dick to flap against his own chest, Brian reached up with his free hand to grasp Michael's hand. Threading their fingers, palm to palm, they both held strong. "I might just cum from watching you." He smirked as he viewed the beautiful sight of his three fingers being swallowed by Michael's body.

" _Don't... you... dare..._ " Michael placed Brian's free hand on his chest, directing him to take his hard cock in his hand. "I've waited... _years_... for this moment..."

"Then let's not wait any longer." Brian removed his fingers from Michael's anus, intricately lifting Michael back upright. Michael was an inch or two taller than Brian, sitting on his lap. Brian reached around to spread out the array of single condoms. "Any preference?" His hands clamped on Michael's back, sliding over the sweating flesh.

"Not really." Michael shook his head, surrounding his arms about Brian's torso, bending down to kiss and lick him. "Wait... any of them flavored?"

"HELL no!!"

Michael chuckled, cupping Brian's head in his hands to press his lips against Brian's open mouth, their tongues battling. "Yeah... I see your point. Uhm... ribbed is fine." He clutched at Brian's scalp, tangling fingers in Brian's hair. “I like the feel _inside_ me.”

Brian shut his lids, swallowing with some difficulty. "Okay. _Better_." He didn't know if he could take knowing what a sexual animal Michael could be that he would actually have a favorite type of condom. It was entirely jarring his psyche to learn that his _Fantasy_ Michael was pretty spot-on to _Reality_ Michael.

Michael lowered his head, mouth directly above Brian's lips. "Lambskin is good, too. It's got awesome give, feels almost like _real_ flesh..." He kissed Brian's open mouth, licking the circumference of the pliable lips, jaw dropped in shock. He reached up to touch Brian's face. "You taught me 'prevention' well." He saw the brown lashes drop in humbleness. "Having Ben in my life... it's made me appreciate this moment more and more. I actually look forward to the condom choice." He could feel Brian's length pulsating underneath him. _Oh... god..._ "Getting to put it on my lov-... _well, geez_... what _are_ _ **you**_ now, Brian?"

Brian shook his head, his eyes darting over Michael's face, ending up on his lips. "I don't know. I'm at the point where I can't define us anymore. _This_... certainly carries us to another realm of _something_. But as we keep changing, year by year... I just tend to say... you're... _mine_..." He gulped, nodding his head, then leaned against Michael's face. He needed some kind of reassurance here, feeling set adrift.

Michael pressed his cheek against Brian's cheek, sliding down toward his ear. "Yes... it's true... _as you are_... _**mine**_..." He wrapped one arm about Brian, squeezing tight.

" _I_ _ **am**_ _... yours..._ " Brian ran a shaking hand down Michael's chest.

Michael moved back to open a packet. He shuffled slightly to expose Brian's cock between their bodies. All this time of Brian being naked, Michael never really _looked_ closely. As he rolled the latex over the stiffness, he bent to Brian's ear. "I know you're beautiful... and perfect..." His hand slowly stroked the heat in his hand. "... _in every single way_. This is **no** exception... but you must know _**this**_..." He gently tightened his grip, causing Brian to suck air between his clenched teeth. "... is **not** _who you are to me_..." He kissed Brian's side burn, slipping along his jawline.

Brian cupped the side of Michael's face. "I know. That's why it's taken us this long to get here."

"We could stop right now... and I would be satisfied. I'd still love you."

"I feel the _same_ way." Brian leaned back on his hands, thrusting into Michael's hand.

"But... now that we've started this, _between us_... _I want to_ _ **feel**_ _you_..." Michael ran the back of his hand down Brian's length. He shifted up to his knees. "... _I_ _ **need to feel you**_ _inside of me_..."

"We've always been close, but I've often wondered what it would be like to be _even closer_ to you."

"Then... let's not keep ourselves in suspense any longer." Michael pushed Brian to lean farther back. He readjusted his lower body so Brian's cock rested at his backside, aligning with his crack. He reached around, raising his ass, matching his entrance to Brian's cocktip.

Brian plunged up as Michael pumped down. The first push inside jolted them both. Michael slowly lowered his body, letting his anal walls adjust to Brian's thickness. Brian latched onto Michael's chest, burying his face in the fine sheen covering Michael's bare skin. It wasn't much longer before Brian fit completely inside Michael.

  
Neither man could move. 

Ben almost “zoomed” the lens, but once he realized what was happening to _not_ _ **one**_ _but_ _ **both**_ _men_... he had to walk away. He went directly to the fridge, yanked out a beer. What he really needed was a cigarette.

 _**FUCK!** _ _Jesus Christ!!_

More than anything, Ben couldn't help but feel he had just witnessed two people... two gay men _actually making love_. He thought what he had with Michael was special, but... **that** certainly didn't compare to what was in that bedroom right now. Their actions toward one another definitely showed a very loving nature for both involved.

What Ben truly couldn't bear was watching how truly vulnerable Brian was in Michael's hands. _Had those been tears? Or sweat beading, falling down Brian's cheek?_

Ben removed his glasses, placing them at the V-neck of his sweater. He pinched the upper bridge of his nose. He realized if he glanced up, he was able to see Brian and Michael through the foggy glass slats. There was some kind of back lighting in Brian's bedroom that was illuminating the two shapes on the bed.

Yeah... _**this**_... _right here_... was a good distance for now.

Back in the bedroom, Michael could feel Brian quivering around him. "Brian... _look at me_..."

Brian leaned back, attempting to blink up and see Michael as clearly as he could. His eyes were stinging.

Michael noticed the perspiration, but could also see that there was something dangerously tragic on his face. _No... no... no..._ Brian's fears were entering his mind, his hazel eyes clouded with doubts and fright. That this moment would change them, _profoundly_. His own eyes were misting. "This is **it** , huh?" He sniffled, nestling his face in the crevice between Brian's neck and shoulder. "No going back for us?"

" _I'll still love you best and only_."

"I'm jealous."

"Why?"

"I don't want anyone else to have you... after this."

Brian nodded his head, completely understanding. "I want you to stay here... in my arms. Never to go back with Ben." He began to thrust up, the tightness around his cock making him choke out a cry of pleasure. "God... _you feel._.. _ **incredible**_..."

"Lay down..."

"I don't want to let you go..."

"I'm here..."

"But... not for long..."

"Close your eyes... I'll always be there..." Michael managed to speak before he let his tears fall, undulating onto Brian's cock. "God... yes... you fit me perfectly..." As Brian lowered his body, Michael followed to hover. He pressed kisses all over Brian's face. "I knew you would..." He pounded against Brian's groin. "... jesus... I suddenly feel..."

"What?" Brian reached up to lock his arms securely about Michael's frame.

"Like I don't want our privacy invaded anymore."

"I know..." Brian glanced once toward the camera lens. " _Ben's not there._ "

"Good. Then he won't mind." Michael lifted up to reach behind them for the bed linen. At first, he covered them with the thin sheet. Then he thought about years ago, laying in his old twin bed at the house, making a "tent" under the Captain Astro sheets and comforter to read comics and dirty magazines by flashlight. So he snatched up the comforter, this time fully shielding them from anyones' eyes, even the camera's.

Ben didn't know the difference. The shapes had now fallen to the mattress. He knew something had changed, but he could still hear the sounds of sex in the other room. _No way..._ no way to go back from here. _Ever._ He was working on his second beer, when he decided to walk over to check on his battery power. That's when he did a quick look into the viewfinder to see... _they were hiding under the blankets._ He smirked, shaking his head. They were certainly clever. He turned off the camera, feeling as if he'd gotten enough footage to appease not only his paper but maybe his professor. He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket... his one thought to call Lukas, if he was still at the apartment. See if he could distract him from what was happening.

Ben glanced at his watch as he turned from the bedroom. It was almost an hour past the last time he'd checked. _Damn!_

Under the pile of sheets, Michael was now on his back, Brian plunging into him as fast and slow as he could. Elongating the moment, but satisfying both their pleasures in one another.

As Brian was thrusting, he was stroking Michael's cock in his other hand. Michael was arching back, feeling the climax rise and rise in his body the harder Brian embedded his entire length in him. Each time he drew out, Michael would clench down on the hot flesh.

"Are you...?"

"... _there_?"

"Yeah..."

"Yes..."

"God... _I feel_..."

" _Like you're gonna burst..._ "

"... _or explode_..."

"We do this..."

"... _together_. I know."

Brian quickened his pace, hurrying his jerking of Michael's length. Their hands merged on the throbbing skin. Feeling their joining around his own cock, Michael sensed the first eruption to exit his body. Brian pounded roughly against Michael's bare bottom, feeling his first spurts of semen enter the tip of the condom. As he continued to thrust beyond Michael having his orgasm, his own followed shortly. He stopped moving, shooting one ejaculation after another into the condom. Michael felt the spasms causing him to contract his muscles, not only making him orgasm once but then a second time.

Brian felt such a surge of power and frustration, of possibly losing the best thing he had in his life... because of a situation out of his control. He pulled out of Michael, making him wince, but quiver in the aftermath of his last climax. Getting rid of one condom, Brian opened another one. He sheathed himself, reentering Michael in one flourished move. Michael cried out, not in pain, but with euphoria. His hips continued to move, pounding onto Brian's groin, finding that this wasn't close enough for him. He lifted his legs off the bed, wrapping them about Brian's waist. This action caused Brian to sink deeper, making them both groan and growl, kisses sloppy and wet.

Michael flipped over on his knees, wanting to be fucked from behind. He grabbed onto the wall, needing support. The sheets were falling away from their naked bodies, half displayed for the camera... _that wasn't running_. They didn't seem to care anymore what the lens caught.

 

"... ungh... Brian..." 

"What?"

" _Harder._ "

"Mich-..." Brian felt Michael rise on his knees, matching their bodies. He reached a hand around to rub over Michael's lower abdomen. He took Michael's cock in his hand again. "... I don't..."

"... you can't hurt me... I swear..." Michael reached around to lay his head on Brian's shoulder. "... not as much as not being able to do this with you... beyond this night..."

Brian trailed harsh kisses along Michael's shoulders, coming up his neck then roughly kissing him from behind. "Lean on the wall again..."

Michael nudged his face into Brian's, reassuring him this wouldn't be a _bad thing_. He planted his palms on the wall, where the headboard would have been.

Brian clamped on Michael's shoulders and rode out his next series of orgasms in every plunge into Michael's spread ass cheeks. " _You... feel so..._ _ **good**_ _..._ "

Michael ejaculated into his own hand as he stroked himself to completion. He was out of breath and fell to the pillows, ass in the air. Brian lay over him on top of his back. "Don't move."

"I won't... I can't..." Brian wiped his sweat over Michael's moist skin. He watched as Michael simply slid to lay face down on the mattress, both of them sticky and wet, sweaty and musky with the scent of sex on them.

" _I_ _ **knew**_ _it..._ " Michael laughed lightly, trying to regulate his breathing.

" _Knew_ _ **what**_?" Brian's lips smirked against the dip between Michael's shoulder blades.

" _This won't be enough for me._ "

"You want me to keep fucking you?" Brian rose a brown eyebrow in bewilderment. It wasn't that his cock had softened. No actually he was still a little hard, but he was growing exhausted. Which was a rare thing indeed. Michael didn't even look as winded as he was. _God damn..._

"Nah... I can feel how tired you are. _This_... is enough." Michael caught Brian's hips as he tried to pull out. "No. Don't... _leave_. Stay."

"Michael... this condom is full..."

"Get rid of it, then... but put a new one on..."

Brian had to pause in thought. "You want me to stay inside you?"

"I won't be able to rid myself of this feeling now. You in me." Michael cuddled a pillow under his face. “Why not make it true for as long as we have left.”

Brian got rid of one condom, to replace it with another.

Michael had lifted his right leg on the bed. He'd exposed the underside of his ass and scrotum, allowing his testicles to breathe. Brian brought over the tube of lubrication, seeing how red the anus' skin was. He simply rubbed the area with the liquid to soothe the soreness.

Michael moaned, his face hiding in the plushness. He lifted his leg higher, giving better access to his backside to Brian's fingers. He was thrusting backward to meet Brian's hand.

Brian kissed the small of Michael's back, sliding his tongue up the spine. He penetrated Michael's entrance for a third time. This action was getting easier the more they had sex. As if Michael's body was used to Brian's length by now. He tucked a hand under Michael's body, coming up to secure about his torso. He drew Michael's back to his chest, they both lay on their left sides, facing the wall.

Michael reached back for Brian's other arm, hugging it to his chest. "Thank you."

"For _what_?" Brian pressed a lingering kiss to Michael's biceps, wiping his cheek and jaw on the bare skin.

"Making tonight _unforgettable_."

Brian closed his eyes in agony, feeling his gut churn with new want. Of needing to stake his "claim" on Michael's body. Somehow he knew... _with the way this whole night had begun_... Michael was _nothing_ like this with anyone else _but him_. That was one minor solace to his emotions. He buried his face in Michael's dark hair, inhaling the scent of his own shampoo. He didn't know how long of a time period Ben was giving them. His gaze darting over to the digital clock on his dresser... _almost midnight_. So, technically "tonight" was over for them. _Sweet Christ!_ He couldn't hear any noises in the loft.

Where had Ben gone?

Pretending as if he was reaching to pull up the sheets, Brian took a slight lean over to see if he could spot The Professor. He noticed the front steel door pulled back a little. Ben must have been unable to stand the sight and sounds any longer. If he was silent enough, eyes closed... Brian could hear the muffled tone of a distant, deep voice. Ben must be on the phone or something. _Weird..._ but he wasn't here to pay attention to time or stop whatever Brian might do with Michael in the meantime. He knew his time was limited. And even more than being tight inside Michael, he wanted to envelope him close and sleep for hours until he had to get up and shower to leave for work.

"I _can't_ sleep." Michael murmured against the pillow.

"I don't want to miss anything. But I'll hold you until you have to leave."

"I don't _have_ to leave."

"Michael... yes, you do."

"No... I don't..."

"I told you... I'm **not** having an affair with you."

"It doesn't have to be."

"Why? You leaving Ben?"

"Brian?!"

"Well... that's the only way I'll keep doing this. I told you... _once you're in my bed, I don't share_."

"I don't know what will happen with Ben and I. I know he and I need to discuss our future."

"You still consider him an option. See... that's..." Brian began to pull out.

"No! Please! Don't move!"

"Michael... we're right back to square one."

"I'm sorry."

"Shhhhhh... shit. Stop it." Brian held Michael tight to his chest.

Michael wanted to face Brian, look him dead in the eyes. He did pull Brian out himself, switched to lay on his back. He planted both feet on the bed, legs bent. There was room for Brian to crawl in between Michael's thighs, settling nicely on top of him. Brian did, sliding back into Michael as he raised his legs to wrap about Brian's waist. Brian settled his forearms beside Michael's head, staring down at him. He brushed Michael's hair back from his moist forehead.

"I'm sorry." Brian bent to press his lips against the side of Michael's mouth. "I guess I know where I stand now."

"Yeah... and I'm a little stunned."

"Why?"

"Well... because I don't feel like I was **that** fabulous that you'd actually consider giving up your tricking for me."

Brian leaned on one hand, brushing his fingers over Michael's dark lashes against his pale cheeks. "Ask me. Find out for yourself what _exactly_ I would do for you. To keep you at my side."

Tears blurring his eyes, Michael stared up at the ceiling. "I can't ask you to change for me, if I don't know what's going on in my own life."

Brian leaned his brow on Michael's head. "I **can** change. Nothing like some asshole's psychology thesis being written about you to prove to you how immature you are."

"Oh, Brian... he's not making fun of you. I told you... there's no way I'd do this if I didn't think something positive would come out of the situation."

"What's the positive if I end up losing you in the process to Bruckner?"

 **~~TBC...**


	10. Chapter 10

 

Michael reached up to hug Brian's head to his chest. "That's **not** what's happening. Yes, Ben and me... we'll change too, but I don't even know what his own motives are for this. I doubt very much it's some stupid thesis to keep his job." He let his fingers sift through the brown locks. "He wants _something_ from you. I realize that now. We've answered some questions, but... I still feel like he's got a powerful draw to you. And it goes beyond me."

Brian went still. "Think he's gonna stalk me?"

"Like Justin did?"

"Michael." Brian tweaked a nipple.

"Oh... do that again, but with your tongue..." Michael lay down, arms stretched out.

"Are you telling me... he's got some serious hang up about me?"

"What the hell happened to you two in Miami?"

"I _really_ don't remember. We both were kind of toasted... _him more than me_. I guess that's why he let me do so much to him, but..."

"But... _what_?"

"I just don't get why he can still be beating himself over what happened two years ago, when he has **you** in his life."

"Maybe it's that **I** have **you** in my life and he's envious of _that_. Plus... you are one seriously talented lover..." Michael sucked in a breath as he felt Brian's gentle thrusting motion begin. "... I don't think he's done with us, at all."

"This... is freaky..." Brian slid in and back out of Michael. "Someone... is infatuated with us... as a 'couple'."

"Yeah... that _is_ kind of kinky." Michael arched his back. "God... how can this be?"

"What?"

"I can't lose my hard-on."

"Welcome to my fabulous life."

"How do you do it? Does it _ever_ go away?"

"I just keep fucking."

"Even when the guy's asleep?"

"No. I told you I have morals."

"Yeah. Right. Morals." Michael looked at Brian with half-closed eyes. "Betcha you've woken them up by fucking them."

"They were all _pretending_ to sleep."

"Yeah... I'm sure." Michael latched one arm about Brian's neck. "How many more do we have left?"

"Uh... I think I'm laying on about six more. Three of them are sticking to my left thigh."

Michael giggled, burying his face in Brian's neck. "We'll use _those_ first."

They began matching to each others' rhythm and reached their next batch of shared climaxes and orgasms.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Lukas was halfway lost in "sleepy time" when his cell phone vibrated on the nightstand, shuffling about in annoying little circles. He'd just gotten off to snoozing, when the noise echoed through his head. "What... The Fuck?" He picked up the offending object, glowering at the LCD screen. "Jamie?" He muttered under his throat. He slid open the phone. "Hey... how goes Pittsburgh's Horniest Home Videos?"

Ben snickered as he rubbed at his forehead, pacing the outside hallway of Brian's loft. "You were right." He ran his fingers through his hair.

"Huh?" Lukas must be in a sleep haze. He thought he heard Ben tell him he was right about something.

"I am more than 'fucked'." Ben stopped to turn and lean back on the brick wall.

"Jamie... no, man... look..."

"I'm screwed to the wall, Luke."

Lukas drew up his knees, wrapping an arm about the kneecaps. "You _had_ to find out. The curiosity would have killed you or your relationship with Michael. You would have _always_ been wondering, getting angrier for no reason."

"Tell me something... what was it about Danny that changed your mind?"

"Excuse me?" Lukas was stunned. Ben almost never wanted to ask anything about Daniel. Like even though he was dead, Ben had some idea the man had some kind of power over Lukas' mind and his emotions.

"Luke... you and I were the same, _sexually_ , in college. What was different... _and so fuckin' amazing_... about Danny that made you consider marriage as an option for you two?" Ben was becoming perturbed by the men in his life finding other men to be so god-damn irresistible. Like they would change their 'stripes' for love that easily.

"Uh... well, first... the guy was fuckin' sexy..."

"Luke..."

"Okay... _okay_... I'll cut the bullshit. Jesus..." Lukas slid up to lean on the headboard of the guest bedroom's bed in Ben's apartment. "... he, uh... took an _interest_ in me, _not just my body_. Sex didn't matter to him, because he was ill when I met him. You know there was nothing drop-dead gorgeous about me when I was in my marine biologist uniform. Why do you think I made surfing not only my hobby, but my Go To Career on the side?"

" 'Cause it allowed you to pick up incredible men like Danny?"

"Yeah... you're right, but... he was so much more than that. _He actually pursued me_. He asked me out on a date the first time we met. He watched me surf all day. Then caught me on the boat I worked off of on the coast. I took his offer, _'cause you know_... I thought if he's a crap date I can at least get some raunchy hot sex out of him. But... that night he told me he was sick. I was about ready to leave him there at the table, _like an ass_. So he told me... he was attracted to me, but he would understand if I rejected him. I thought he was done with me, but he kept coming back to watch me surf. _One_ date... turned into _three more_. Danny's confidence in himself overwhelmed me a bit. I've never met someone so close to death feel so happy to be alive. He made it seem like I'd be missing out on _something great_ if I didn't at least take a one time offer of sex. That's when he told me why he was really there, in Hawaii... _basically to die..._ "

"Jesus..." Ben crossed his arms over his chest, closing his eyes in agony. "... Luke, I'm sor-..."

"Shut the fuck up, Jamie. You _asked_ me, I'm _talking_." Lukas reached over to tap out a cigarette. He threw the carton on his lap, picking up his lighter. "I can't tell you what drew me to Danny _specifically_ , but by the end of one week... I only knew _if he couldn't spend the rest of his life with me, then I'd spend the rest of his with him._ " He took a few puffs before he blew them out of the side of his mouth. "I never regretted one second of what my life became or one single decision I made. He managed to survive three more years after our first date. I took care of him those last six months until he passed away." He scratched the side of his nose. "Is _that_ what you wanted to hear, Jamie?"

"Luke... _fuck_... I shouldn't have bothered you. I woke you up."

"I'd been having a hard time falling asleep. I was barely under anyway. So... _what's the deal, huh?_ Something tells me you got spooked. I'd chalk it up to you figuring you're losing Michael, but I got this inkling... _that boy won't let you go, unless you cut your losses_. He's given up a lot to be with you, Jamie. There's no way he'd simply walk out on you."

"You speak from experience?"

"You bet your ass I do. One thing Danny taught me was... there's different degrees of loyalty and strength. Anyone who can put up with what either I or Michael can to be with guys like you and Danny... _shit, man..._ _you have_ _ **no**_ _idea_."

"Well... it's **not** _really_ Michael that I'm thinking about now. _It's Brian._ I may have... well, I might have made a mistake."

"About _what_?"

"I was so proud I could prove my thesis. Instead... _I find out_... Brian Kinney is just like any regular guy on the street."

"You mean... he's **not** the man of steel?"

Ben snickered, rubbing his hand over his nape. "Is anyone?"

" **You** sure try hard to be, _some days_. How can you still be so full of yourself? Isn't being ill supposed to take you down a notch or two?" Lukas heard Ben intake a sharp breath. " _Please..._ you know how you can get. You may look all pretty and beautifully built... but you're still a huge jackass to the core. And you just flaunted the greatest weakness in front of Brian. What did you expect him to do? _Bow at your feet for forgiveness?_ "

"Well... it's making a great thesis paper... a _probably_ best-selling novel... and I'll get my degree back and keep my job."

"Well... _hooray_ for you."

"Exactly. So why do I feel so bad and guilty?"

Lukas shook his head, taking another hit of nicotine. "What do you _want_ to do?"

"Have a time machine on you?"

"How far back you wanna go?"

"Christ... there's really only _one thing_ for me _to do_..."

"Which means?"

"I wish I knew, Luke."

Lukas rubbed an index and middle finger over his eyebrows. "They still... uh... gettin' it on in the bedroom?" Ben must be somewhere far away from the bedroom. He couldn't hear a damn thing but Ben's breathing.

"Yeah. I turned the camera off. I've done enough filming."

"Why does it sound like you might not be done _with them_ , yet?"

" 'Cause I'm **not**. I hadn't even gotten through the entire interview process with them. I've got another set of questions to ask."

"What?!" Lukas almost barked into the phone. "Are you trying to get your ass kicked? Kinney fell for your charms _once_. What makes you think...?"

"I have the one thing he wants most."

"Jamie... _you wouldn't_..." Lukas couldn't even fathom what was motivating Ben to act this way.

" _One more_ session with them. I can end this so we all can be happy... satisfied, getting what we want."

"This... _is insane_ , you do know that?"

"My thesis was disproven. Your father taught me to keep charging ahead to prove yourself right. I need to find my way back."

"Jamie, _fuck_... just change your stupid thesis. I'll help you write up a new one. I know what Dad usually looks for."

"Can you help me anyway? Because I'm not moving away from this topic."

"What?"

"I'm asking you for your help, Luke."

"I know... and that's why I'm shocked."

"Thanks."

"I haven't agreed to a thing. And... what _exactly_ would I be agreeing to?"

"I'll figure that out when I get to it. If you can trust me in the meantime. Or give me thoughtful/helpful suggestions."

"I don't know. Do I have to fuck anybody?"

Ben chuckled, wiping at his eyes as he took off his glasses. "No."

"Well, then... is _anybody fucking_ _ **me**_?"

"Yeah... as if you'd let anything like that happen."

"I don't know, Jamie. You didn't see the way Kinney was _sparkling_ his eyes at me the other night. I could certainly drop trough for those bedroom eyes if I knew they wanted me."

Ben closed his eyes in misery. " _Please..._ let that be your awful taste in jokes."

Lukas could hear the frustration behind Ben's voice. He discovered what might really be bothering Ben. "You hate the fact that he made you weak, Jamie. And what you hate even more is that you think you have to compete with him over Michael. You hate to lose... but more than that you don't want to look like a pussy. Especially in front of your man. It's natural."

"I may have opened Pandora's Box."

"Then you fuckin' fix it. Gather the mess together and you close the lid on that shitty box."

"Do you know of a better way than this?"

"I might, but it's gonna take some time, gradually. When are you coming back?"

"Actually, I wanted to know if you'd come pick us up... between 1:15-1:30am."

Lukas looked at his watch. It was midnight. "Wow... you're being awful generous. Look, uh..." He rubbed at his thighs. "... I'll be there. Are you bringing Michael back too?"

"Yes."

"Is he coming here or back to his place?"

"I'm thinking he won't really want to be near me for awhile. We'll drop him off at his apartment."

"Brian is simply gonna _let_ him leave?"

"I don't really know. That's why I want you here. I think we'll be okay, but you never know."

"Jesus... hey, things will be all right. I got this _feeling_. It feels like you've screwed up everything. I'm sure Brian and Michael are pretty levelheaded men. Sure you've lit a fire under them... _individually and as a couple_. That shit was potent even without the addition of sex, but it's possible to contain it. I'm sure you can still do that."

"Is it wrong of me to _want_ _ **some**_ of it?"

"Huh?" Lukas' brow furrowed in perplexity.

" _What they have_... is it possible to even capture an ounce of what they feel between one another?"

"Jamie... you can **not** be serious?"

"You said it earlier. I have the perfect **in** for a threesome."

"That? That was me in my sad attempt at a joke. I thought it was certainly screwy what you were doing already, but now you're talking emotional suicide. Kinney would never let you in."

Ben closed his eyes, heaving a big sigh. "Who says I want to fuck Michael?"

"Uh... okay..." Lukas rubbed at his bare chest, his heart aching a bit. _Oh, Lord..._ what in the world was wrong with Ben? "That is certainly a new one on me. You _have_ gone completely mental."

"Don't worry. It's not revenge sex."

"Oh... of course not. I'd believe it if I didn't think it was a load of crap."

"I won't hurt him. I just..."

" _Once..._ you want to have power of Brian Kinney. _Man..._ I didn't think you'd ever have a weird kink, but this one takes the cake."

"I'll be safe, like I always am with Michael."

"And won't Michael be so tickled to hear that."

"I don't have any emotional feelings for Brian. It's purely sexually based."

"I doubt Kinney would even let it happen."

"I'm not sure, either, but it can't hurt to try."

"I suppose." Lukas put out his cigarette. "Is there any way I can convince you this is a bad idea? Or are you using the same excuse that it's part of your thesis? 'Cause **that**... I know... is a load of crap _and_ bullshit."

Ben cleared his throat. "I'll see you in an hour or so, Luke."

"Jamie... _don't_..."

Ben hung up on Lukas.

 

Lukas stared at his cell phone, shaking his head in bewilderment. _Where... oh, where had his best friend gone? What was chasing him to be this way with his own boyfriend?_ It didn't seem like a normal jealousy route to him. Lukas wished he could recall those textbooks of his Dad's that he would read, _for fun_ , when he was growing up. Ben was showing clear signs of something being not quite right in his head. He stood up to venture out of his room, intending to snoop in Ben's bedroom. He was good at that. Only because living with Danny had taught him that even HIV Poz sufferers could be the hugest assholes, if the right circumstances came about.

High-n-mighty in their tiny tragedies, beating on their chests like they were something special and above all others. Quite a few times, Lukas found he had to take Danny down a peg or two simply to have a normal conversation with him.

Lukas went directly into the bathroom, he was going to go through every single medication box in the cabinets and on the shelves. He was determined to be assured Ben was on the up and up. He had missed the signs, because it had been almost a year since he'd seen HIV meds laying around. Most everything looked vaguely familiar, but it was the syringes stuffed in behind some boxes in the medicine cabinet and the empty spent ones just wrapped up in Kleenex and dumped in the trash can.

Lukas didn't know of any new medications for HIV patients that required them to use syringes. So he picked up the trash bin, willing to dig even deeper. That's when he came across the tiny vials of steroids. And he didn't have to put two and two together to come up with four. It was staring him, _loud and clear_ , in the fucking face.

Just how long had Ben been attempting to do this? And without suffering some substantial consequences?

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Brian was seated on the bed, facing the bathroom. He could feel Ben standing somewhere behind him, walking through the loft. He was packing up his things. Mainly the camera and the plugs, battery packs and cords. Brian heard the shower turn off and he stood. He slid the bathroom door open. He caught sight of Michael stepping out of the shower stall completely naked.

"Can I help you?"

Michael smiled sadly, grabbing a fluffy towel to dry himself and his hair. "I'm fine, Brian."

"Is it weird that I miss you already?" Brian slowly approached Michael, snatching the towel. He wrapped it around Michael's body, tugging him close to his chest. He bent his head to press their lips together. "Don't go."

"Brian... it's not fair..."

"Fair _my ass_. You want to talk about fairness..."

“Don't waste time being angry.” Michael reached up to cover Brian's mouth. "Kiss me or do whatever you need to do to be happy about letting me go back to my apartment."

Brian did so, kissing Michael very thoroughly, almost taking his last breath. He bent him over his arm. "Let me take you home. I can stay the night... _just in your bed_..."

"The _temptation_ is still there, Brian. We promised Ben just _one night_."

"How about we pretend to have amnesia? Keep re-introducing ourselves every day? In a weird way, it will be 'one night' over and over and over again."

Michael chuckled, shaking his head. "Hand me the clothes, Brian."

"Okay... but I'll pout while I'm doing it."

"I expect nothing less." Michael watched as Brian took his hand, tight, dragging him over close to the toilet.

Brian sat down, held out the underwear. As Michael put them on, he helped raise them the rest of the way over Michael's nakedness. He stuffed the flaccid cock inside the tight cotton. "Did we run out of condoms? I swear we did it more than ten times."

"Nah... we came more than ten times." Michael used Brian's shoulders to balance himself.

Brian handed over the jeans, after rolling the pant leg cuffs. "Keep the clothes, by the way. You know I can always get more."

"You just like knowing I have your clothes on my body."

"Yes... I do. It's an obsession of mine to always dress you." Brian stood up, placing Michael's head through the front hole of the t-shirt. "When will I see you again?"

Michael furrowed his brow in confusion. "Breakfast. Diner. When we _always_ see each other." He saw the light in Brian's eyes dim a little as the time worn down. "Oh... you mean... you feel the same way I do. This... wasn't the end of us, huh?"

"Michael..." Brian sidled close, chest to chest. "I still _want_ you." He kissed him, lips moist on dry skin. "I don't know if I can go back to the way things were."

"Between us?"

"No... _having other men_." Brian lifted Michael off the floor, Michael wrapped his legs about Brian's waist. Brian carried Michael over to sit on the sink counter.

There was a soft knock on the bathroom door.

"I'm a little busy, Benji." Brian bellowed through the wood paneling.

"Sorry... then can you send Michael out. Lukas is here. We'll pack the truck and we'll leave after that."

" _I'll be out soon, Ben._ " Michael called out into the air.

"Fine. We'll warm up the truck for you." Ben could be heard walking away.

Brian leaned over to open the bathroom door. "Shit." He could hear the two male voices in the living room. "I feel like..."

"I know." Michael embraced Brian tight in his arms. " _I love you._ " He let his hands brush through Brian's hair. "Now... I want and need you. Like I always knew I would."

"We did it, Michael. We survived the one night. Now all we have to do is see where this takes us. You already know... _I'm here_... _always_. Call me, come over... whatever, if things should change. But when and if you do want to do this whole scenario again... it has to be without Bruckner in your life."

"Finally giving me an ultimatum?"

"No, Michael. I'm telling you what I want from you."

"I know. Give me a few days. I'm not sure what will be happening." Michael bit his top lip, feeling tears enter his eyes. "Is my best friend still there?"

"Where?" Brian smirked.

Michael reached out to rub the area over Brian's heart. "If I need him, can I call him?"

"Oh, jesus... you fuckin' break my heart." Brian hugged Michael to his chest, sliding him off the sink. "C'mon... I'll walk you to the door." He took Michael's hand in his, being tender and gentlemanly, keeping Michael at his back as they walked through the bedroom. Bypassing the tangled sheets they'd had sex on. And into the darkened living room that was beyond silent.

Had all this really happened tonight... and the world didn't end?

Michael put on his jacket, turning around to zip up and say "goodbye". "Okay... _well_..."

Brian smiled down at Michael. "Not _this_ door... _the door downstairs_..."

"Oh..." Michael didn't know why he was happy to have a few more seconds with Brian.

"Yeah..." Brian picked up his jacket, laying on the back of his computer chair. He closed the steel door, locking up as if he was leaving. He pocketed the keys and moved toward the elevator. It was slower than usual, as if realizing how little time Brian and Michael had left to share. He curled his arm about Michael's shoulders, tucking him to his body. "Shit!" He buried his face in the dark hair.

"It's okay. I'm all right." Michael soothed Brian's back. "You'll be fine. If you find you need your best friend _sometime,_ I'm always home or a phone call away."

"That's **not** _**it**_." The elevator arrived. Brian walked over to lift the gates and jumped on. Michael followed him. Brian closed the gates, pressing the button for first floor. He turned to push Michael up against the wall of the elevator. They kissed roughly, tongues playing at one another. "Let's run away."

"Where?"

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do. You have responsibilities here and so do I."

The elevator sunk floor by floor, finally arriving. Ben was waiting by the front door.

" _Damn..._ " Brian grumbled as he realized this was the end of the line for him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Brian." Michael reached up to peck his lips on Brian's cheek.

Brian leaned his hand on the frame of the elevator. " 'Night, Benji."

"Goodnight, Brian." Ben smiled in mild frustration. “I'll give you a call if I need you again.”

"I won't be waiting." Brian crossed his arms over his chest, watching Michael leave. Ben was hovering nearby, a hand at Michael's back. As if he had the right to touch him like his "boyfriend" again.

Brian climbed back onto the elevator, thinking this was going to be the loneliest ride up to his loft in years.

 **~~TBC...**  


  


	11. Chapter 11

  
Michael had been standing in line with Ted, waiting to get seated in the Diner for five long minutes, when he realized he'd been asked a question. "Huh? What? I'm sorry?" 

Ted was eyeballing Debbie Novotny as she wandered back and forth, ignoring the very fact she could hear his mouth watering. "I, uh... asked you if you knew if Brian or Emmett were joining us..." He let his eyes catch Debbie as she walked by him, _yet again_. "Because if it's just gonna be us, then we could..." He tried to see above and around the cash register. "... there are some seats at the counter free."

Michael had his hands stuffed in his pockets. They were sweaty and shaking with fear. In under a short period of time, he would be seeing Brian again. He had counted down the hours, minutes and seconds all morning. All night he couldn't sleep in his bed, burrowing in the couch, numbly vegetative in front of the TV screen. He woke up achy and sniffle-ly, hoping he wasn't coming down with a cold. By the time he had showered and dressed, he was better. He even had a few nice moments in the shower, recalling the exact times he'd cum hard, and harder, with every thrust of... _whoa..._

Michael squeezed his eyes shut, leaning into Ted's arm. "Regular booth is fine with me, Ted. I can wait."

Debbie had three plates in her hands, passing the line of patrons waiting to be seated. One of them being her son and his best friend, Ted. "I'll be with you boys in a jiff." She delivered the plates, strolling over to caress Michael's rosy cheek. "My, my... you look _lively_ this morning, sweetie. Someone must've fucked you right last night." She pinched his loose skin, chuckling as he blushed.

"Ma!" Michael lowered his eyes, ashamed by his Mom's loud mouth and gum chewing. "I'd like you to leave me with some semblance of dignity before I die."

Ted wasn't budging, nor cracking a smile. "You said 'five minutes'... _ten minutes ago_ , Deb." He made it seem like it was impertinent he get seated right away before he began to turn to cannibalism.

"You know we're always busy at this time of the morning. Plus... we're short staffed today and..."

Ted put up a hand to make Debbie "shush". She blinked in shock, Michael backed up a few steps, knowing the "swat" might come out soon. "Spare me the excuses. I'm just hungry."

Debbie paced away, flying behind the counter to pick up something for Ted. "Here..." She threw Ted a big delicious Granny apple. "... _chew on this_! It's on the house."

Ted frowned, thinking if he closed his eyes tight enough maybe he could imagine the six stack buttermilk pancakes underneath the apples and cinnamon topping. He took the apple in hand, spinning the stem around between his thumb and index finger. He muttered under his breath as he broke off the short stick. "Damn!"

Michael was momentarily stunned to quiet. Then he smirked and began to chuckle. "What in the world did you just do?"

"Old superstition my grandmother taught me. Take the stem of any fruit... _pear, apple, whatever_... twist it between these two fingers..." Ted slowly demonstrated. "... recite the alphabet and whichever letter you land on, once the stem breaks... that's the name of your true love." He fogged up the skin to shine it on his jacket.

Michael shook his head, one side of his mouth quirking. "Did it work?"

"Nope." Ted shrugged as if bad luck was a normal companion to his way of life.

"What letter did it land on?" Michael was only asking to keep conversation going besides discussing how hungry Ted was.

" 'K'..."

Michael's eyes widened, he smiled shyly. "Can I have it?"

Ted squinted his eyes in perplexity. "Why? It's trash."

Michael held out his palm. "I'll throw it away for you."

" _Whatever._ Knock yourself out." Ted plopped the puny stick in Michael's palm.

Some grumbling began to fluctuate threw the line.

" _Excuse me... pardon me... comin' through... oh, that's not nice at all!_ " Emmett Honeycutt was attempting to squeeze through to the front of the line where his friends stood. " _ **Excuse me!!**_ " He re-wrapped his scarf dramatically around his neck, glaring at the paltry seconds who followed him in his wake. He turned his back on their scorn. "We waiting to be seated?" Being taller than both Ted and Michael, Emmett liked looking down on them. Being younger sucked, but being tall and quite dazzling was often the soothing salve. Until Brian Kinney showed up.

"Yeah... in FIVE minutes..." Ted made it a point to press out "five" fingers. "... 15 minutes ago..."

Debbie was walking by, then stood behind the register to ring up a receipt. " _I heard_ _ **that**_ _, Ted!_ "

The closer and closer the minutes ticked by to getting an actual, physical table, Ted attempted to behave himself. " _Scrumptious apple_ , Debbie." He heard her smack her gum, as long as she was still a few feet away from him, in non-swatting distance, he felt calm. He blinked up at Emmett as he chomped on his apple core. "Do you know... if Brian's joining us?"

Emmett looked at Michael. "Why would **I** know this?"

Ted stared with slack jaw. "I'm just... there's some vacant seats at the counter..."

Michael rolled his eyes, already having had this conversation with Ted. "Ted, if you're hungry, go sit at the counter. I'm waiting for a booth."

Ted almost found himself pouting, no solidarity for his hunger. "Well... I don't want to sit all by myself." He turned to Emmett. "Can I interest you in...?"

Emmett shook his head, hands in his pockets. "Sorry, sweetie. Some days it's like booth or... Death."

Ted faced the front of the line, disgusted. "You two are no fun."

"Look who's talking!" Brian managed to have a clear path to the front of the line, not having to push his way through like Emmett had

Michael's body went tense and in hypersensitive mode. He was almost ready to cry, not able to bear another second waiting to see Brian's face, hear his voice or... feel his body. Now that Brian was here, he couldn't even look, touch or smell. He stared at the wall in front of him, reading something he'd probably read a million times before.

"Mornin', Brian." Emmett greeted his least favorite person with some glee, only because that was who he was in the morning.

Brian sidled up behind Michael, brushing their bodies together, like usual. "Ted..." He hooked an arm down Michael's chest, tucking him close. "... how many times has Deb said 'five minutes'?" He muttered like this was an old routine.

Ted nibbled on the disappearing apple core. "Three or four."

"Ted's hungry." Emmett spoke out to reassure Brian.

"I see that." Brian cleared his throat, not knowing how he'd react to having Michael in his arms after last night. Michael felt great, certainly not the normal way he used to feel, _more aware_. Brian could sense the shaking in the body beside him. _Was Michael as nervous as he'd been?_ The arm slinked to encircle around Michael's neck. Brian bent low to block his face in front of Michael's mouth. "Where's my 'g'morning' kiss, Mikey?"

Michael ended up turning in Brian's embrace, fitting himself way more under his arm. He hesitantly looked up at hazel eyes. "Good Morning, Brian." His hand was rubbing Brian's back, over his long coat. He kissed Brian soundly on the lips.

"Ahhhh... that's better. Don't know about you losers, but **my** day just got brighter." Brian hugged Michael to his chest, intentionally causing the dark head to tuck into his neck. He secretly inhaled the cologne and shampoo, not recognizing either scent. He lifted his head, grabbing Michael's chin. He twisted and turned the face. "Missed you last night. Where did you go off to? Late night with the Professor, Mikey?" He let one eyebrow rise, daring Michael to defy him and speak a truth.

Michael raised wide eyes to Brian's face. _What was he trying to do?_ He decided to play along, saved them from talking about a very complex, complicated story. "Yeah... uhm... sorry. Change of plans. The perils of running your own business and having a boyfriend who cooks." He shrugged his shoulders.

Brian teeter-tottered his head. " _Blah-blah-bullshit-blah._ " He sighed, rubbing his tie under his suit jacket. "Babylon is never the same without you. My favorite dancing partner."

"Only thing in Babylon that _does_ stay the same is... well, **you** , Brian." Emmett chimed in. He was used to seeing Brian hanging on Michael's body. Same shit, different day.

"Why... thank you, Emmett..." Brian smiled with dripping sarcasm. He went back to leaning on Michael, trying to bite his ear. Where before Michael would have playfully pushed Brian away, this time he let it happen, almost sinking into the face the teeth belonged to. Brian recovered Michael's mistake by using his nose to lift Michael's head back up. No one knew the mishap. "Tell that boyfriend of yours... _you're welcome..._ " 

Michael reached up to grab for Brian's hand, dangling over his shoulder. "You can tell him yourself."

Brian was startled a bit. _Was Ben here?_ He hadn't expected that to occur. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Ben might stop in for some breakfast with Lukas."

Emmett perked up, clapping his hands together. "Mmmmmm... new blood. _Lukas..._ that sounds _yummy_. Is he cute?"

 _" 'Luke..."_ Ted was attempting to impersonate Darth Vader and failing on every level, but sucking at it. _"... I AM YOUR FATHER.' "_ He got no hilarity support, except Brian's lone sniffle-snicker at how unfunny he was. 

Michael blinked at Ted, missing the Star Wars reference because of the fog in his head at being near Brian. He went back to looking at Emmett. "Luke is actually _very_ attractive." He felt Brian pinch him, somewhere hurtful. "... ow... uh, if you _like_ , uhm... blond... curly-haired... perfectly built... surfers."

Emmett paused, somewhat stunned. "Curly hair? Oh, baby... I'm already in love. How quaint. And a surfer?" He scrunched his nose at the idea. Some of the surfers he knew of were pretty scuzzy. "Hmmm... don't get many here in The Pitts. I mostly bump into them on vacations and stuff. Where did Ben dig this charmer up?"

Michael crossed his arms over his chest. The last few days, since first meeting Lukas, they'd actually had some decent conversations. "Ben and Luke roomed together in college. He's got a degree in marine biology, surfing's only a hobby. But he made a great professional career out of it, though."

Emmett seemed to get a little gloomy. "Oh... so he's **Ben** 's age?"

Michael didn't know why that would be a problem for Emmett. "He might be younger than Ted."

" _ **Everyones'**_ _younger than Ted_." Brian grumbled, not sure he liked hearing how comfy Michael had gotten with Ben's visiting friend. Certainly **not** his cup of man.

"Fuck you, Kinney."

"Nice mouth, Schmidt!"

Debbie began her re-approach, pulling out her sales tablet.

" _We know... FIVE MINUTES!!_ "

Debbie smirked at the chorus of her old standard mode of keeping customers at bay. "NO... you're booth's ready." She waved them on through. Then repositioned the red roped-off poles. "Not a chance, sugar pie!" There was no way she'd allow one more person to walk through without a table to sit at. Unless they didn't mind the counter.

Michael climbed into one side of the booth, sliding all the way to the wall. Before Brian could take a seat, Emmett slid in next to Michael. As Brian took off his jacket, Ted was about to snag the space across from Michael, but Brian caught him by the scruff of his shirt collar.

"Eh, eh, eh... brains and beauty before boring, Teddy." Brian wanted to at least be close enough to Michael to touch him without anyone knowing, even if it was under the table. He sent a sweet smile to Michael, who was taking off his own jacket. Brian noticed that Michael's clothes looked almost new. Then his eyes darted up to Michael's hair and gone were the flipped spikes in front. _Why hadn't he seen that before?_ The dark waves were perfectly combed back from the forehead, the side burns neatly trimmed too. Skin pale and flawless around his cheeks and mouth. The new shampoo and cologne should have been Brian's first clue. _Was Michael...?_

Someone kicked him under the table.

"Ooops... sorry, Brian. I thought you were the leg of the table." Michael spoke between his unflinching lips. He was attempting to convey to Brian that he'd been staring at him, like a lovesick fool.

Debbie neared them with pencil poised. "Can I start any of you off with something to drink?"

 ** Brian  ** : "Coffee." 

** Ted  ** : "Cranberry juice and coffee." 

**Emmett** : "Orange juice."  
**  
Michael  ** : "Milk." 

Debbie jotted everything down as quickly as she could, leaving plenty of room for their food order. "Anyone know what they want _now_?"

Brian pretended to open his mouth, but Michael kicked him again. He winced inwardly, holding Michael's "kicking" foot down with his own two feet. "I'll have some wheat toast... and a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese."

"Michael?"

"Side of wheat toast and melon. Bowl of Frosted Flakes."

"Em?"

Emmett sighed because no one but him seemed to want a big breakfast. " _Cowboy Special_ on the door."

Debbie nodded her head, cracking her gum down at Ted, who seemed to be perusing the menu all too deeply. "And you... dearest Theodore?" She mocked him with her white smile.

Ted paid her no mind, hearing Brian chuckle behind his hand. _Did he really have to sit with Kinney all through his meal?_ " _Cattleman's Special,_ with an extra side of bacon and sausage. Oh... and extra butter on the pancakes."

Debbie took the menu from him, slapping him lightly on the arm for busting her chops through his waiting period. She wandered away to pin the ticket on the Cook's spinning tray. " _ **Order up!**_ " She rang the bell, sending the wheel around.

"Jesus, Teddy." Emmett reached out to soothe Ted's hand. "Eat a snack before you go to bed. Or eat something light before you come here."

"I skipped lunch yesterday. It's like I haven't been able to catch up. I have a feeling today will be another hellish nightmare and I won't get away from my desk until way past the normal lunch hour."

"Lay off the gay Internet porn sites at work, Teddy." Brian muttered, his eyes moving to seek out Michael's eyes.

"I'm actually doing some constructive work, _for once_ , Brian."

"Happy for you." Brian had moved his feet off Michael's "kicking" foot, bring them to his side of the bench. He slid off one shoe, wiggling his bare foot in the silk blend sock. He was tall enough to stretch his foot across to Michael's lap, without looking weird. He slinked up the knee, slowly. Michael fidgeted to look down. He raised sorrowful brown eyes to beg Brian not to torment him like this, but Brian shrugged. His foot slid up Michael's trouser inseam. He had to admit, Michael cleaned up nicely when he wanted to. This was more than a turn on... he wanted to fuck Michael right here on the table. Or maybe even under it.

Michael bit his bottom lip to keep from squealing in fear. Brian was inching toward his groin... _and here came Debbie_. Her eyes always alert to his facial expressions and eyes. She delivered everyones' drinks, then was about to turn around when she thought something was amiss. Michael thought she'd seen the foot he couldn't get rid of in his lap. 

 

Hands on her hips, Debbie squinted her eyes over at her son. "Michael...?" 

"Yeah, Ma...?" Michael tried to unwrap his straw, the hard way. He leaned over to grab his jacket to use as an extra shield.

"Didja git yur hair cut?" Debbie asked in earnest, knowing there was something "different" about her son today.

Brian tried to contain laughter behind his hand, his eyes watering. He coughed, reaching over to grab some sugar packets he would never use, simply needing to do something with his hands.

"No, Ma. I brushed it differently." Michael was able to breathe again when Brian let his foot rest in between his thighs. He kept trying to slide it off, but then Brian would bring up the other foot. It was a never ending _loop-de-loop_ of feet.

Ted looked up, nodding his head. "It looks good on you, Michael."

Emmett leaned over to grab Michael in his cheek-to-cheek hug. "My little cutie-patootie. You looked good in whatever you put on or do to yourself."

Michael feared Emmett would come close enough to feel Brian's foot in his lap. "Ah-ha... yeah... aren't I just the most adorable thing in the world?" He tried to nervously laugh off the awkward moment.

"I'll agree with you there, Mikey." Brian winked over at Michael, never giving the fact away that they had done anything remotely different than before.

" _Would you...!_ " Michael attempted to speak under his breath, wanting Brian to give it up already. He got the point.

Emmett began to talk about the gloriously tantalizing men he'd spent the night with at Woody's. "... I swear it was like fuckin' a mirror..."

Ted frowned, rolling his napkin into some kind of paper airplane or a hat. Just to keep busy with his hands. "Twins? And you didn't think I'd be interested?"

"Teddy..." Emmett spoke in his "mother" tone to Ted. "... you wouldn't answer your phone."

" _I was asleep_! Exhausted. I came home after seven and passed out on my couch."

Emmett patted Ted's hand on the table. "Yeah. Bringing you with me would have been loads of fun." He shrugged one shoulder. "Besides... they both liked me. I've never had that happen before. Kind of kinky."

" _Speaking of kinky.._." Brian spoke up, rearranging his utensils on his napkin.

Debbie arrived with Brian and Michael's food, since it was the easiest to cook on her side of the kitchenette. Brian got his toast and bagel with cream cheese. "You want jelly or butter, Brian?" She had some available in her apron pockets. Of course she also pulled out some other interesting things... like a cock ring and some condoms.

Ted blinked in fright. "Cleaning out the Lost-and-Found, Deb?"

Brian choked on his coffee, actually finding something Ted said pretty darn funny. The table was laughing more at Brian. Michael threw him his napkin, Debbie passed her son another one. She gave Ted the cock ring and Emmett a condom.

"Hey, Ma?" Michael situated the half of the melon in between he and Brian. "Want some? There's more than enough for both of us?"

"Yeah, baby?" Debbie turned back to face her son.

"Can I have _another_ spoon?" Michael knew Brian was using his to stir his coffee.

"Sure."

Brian suddenly realized how cruel he was being to Michael. He dropped his foot, drawing both feet back to fit in his shoes. "I can use **your** spoon."

"I've got cereal, Brian." Michael shook his spoon at Brian. "I _need_ my spoon."

"Well... okay then..." Brian began eating his dry toast.

Michael watched him crunch on it. "Sure you don't want some butter? Softens it up."

" _I like it hard_ , Mikey." Brian spoke with his mouth full, spurting crumbs.

"Prick!" Michael spoke with such hilarity at the outburst, it never phased anyone.

Brian smirked, stretching out his legs, crossed at the ankles. Michael re-situated himself on the bench seat, stretching his own legs out onto Brian's ankles and calves.

Debbie brought out Emmett and Ted's first couple of plates, handing Michael his extra spoon. "Here you go, baby."

"Thanks, Ma." Michael was trying to savor the feeling of having Brian across from him.

"Ben on his way?" Debbie wiped her hands on her apron and vest.

"Maybe." Michael averted his eyes to concentrate on his food.

Brian kept his eyes plastered to the table surface, seeing Michael's arm laying beside his bowl, extended. His fingers down on the table top. At the mention of Ben, Brian grew a little shaky. Only because... a select few knew what went on last night. He hoped Ben had the decency to keep his mouth shut.

The Diner's door jangled, acknowledging that the line of waiting customers had dwindled down to almost nil. So anyone who walked in got prime booth space. The breakfast rush would end soon.

Ted was about to dig into his stack of pancakes when he caught sight of a new face having entered the building. " _Holy Mary Mother..._ " He wiped at his mouth in case of drool-age

Brian flicked his eyes over, noticing Ben's friend standing in the doorway. He was waiting, looking up at the menu board for the day's specials.

Michael and Emmett turned to look as well.

"That's Lukas." Michael spoke out as he took a spoonful of cereal.

" **That** is Lukas?" Ted was simply amazed that the "surfer" could clean up so nicely.

Michael sat to glare at Ted. "Did I suddenly speak Spanish? That's what I said."

"Nah, but... I thought... well, even though you said..." Ted tried to speak.

" _ **Hubba-Hubba... Let Rova Come Ova**_. My lands, he's a _dish_." Emmett turned to look at Michael. "He and Ben are just... uh, 'friends', you say? Do you mean... like you and Brian... are, uhm... _friends_? Or how everybody else is?"

Michael smirked, rolling his eyes at Emmett. He was trying to wait for Ben's arrival before he actually made any kind of move. Plus, he knew his time with Brian was limited again. He looked down at the table, as everyone else watched Lukas. Brian's fingers were now touching his. "Wha-?" He went quiet, raising heartsick eyes to Brian. "You all right?" He spoke softly, mouthing the words.

Brian shook his head. His fingers grappled for Michael's entire hand. He covered the side of his face. "If I don't get to kiss you properly... _shortly_... I'm gonna die."

"No... no, you aren't." Michael bit the side of his mouth. He wanted to mastermind some secret plan to hideaway somewhere. The more he looked across the table at Brian, the more kissing was becoming a very good idea indeed. "I love you. Be patient."

Brian nodded, unable to truly look directly at Michael's face. It was time for Michael to go play "boyfriend" with Ben. He had to let him go or make a scene, he couldn't do that to Michael. He leaned forward on the table edge, aching from the inside out. _Jesus._ He pushed to sit straight, knowing his "game face" had to be on. In a matter of time, this would be all over.

The door jangled again, Ben entering to stand behind Lukas.

Michael made Emmett move off the bench so he could get out. He wanted to welcome Lukas, wish a "good morning" to his boyfriend. Emmett slid back in, never missing a beat in his food consumption. Michael walked over to the front doorway. He was quick to hug Lukas more eagerly than Ben. Their "meeting" was awkward. He bent low in between both men, arms around their tall torsos. Blond heads were held low to respect whatever Michael was asking of them. Lukas nodded first, then Ben... as if he had a harder time agreeing with what Michael wanted.

Brian watched it all while he munched on his dry toast, slurping coffee. He wasn't even paying attention to what type of discussion was between Ted and Emmett. Probably had something to do with guys and sex, or maybe what they'd do if either got their hands on Ben's friend. Either way, he wasn't interested in joining in or listening to them. Which was why he wasn't paying attention when the trio of men... _Michael in between the two tall blond friends, shading their booth_... came over to introduce Lukas to them. Lukas had his fingers tucked in the back pockets of his jeans.

Michael had an arm about Lukas' waist. "Lukas Harrison... I would like you to meet my friends." A hand on Emmett's shoulder, he began with the worst of offenders when it came to meeting new people. "Luke... Emmett Honeycutt..."

"Pleased to meet you, sugah?" Emmett turned on all firing cylinders.

"Mississippi?" Lukas was good with accents. Almost too good, he made the young man nearly cry.

Emmett was stunned, blushing. "Why... uh, yes..." He put a palm to his fluttering heart. He quickly held out his hand, not wanting to be rude.

Lukas took the hand, turning it over to kiss the top of the skin.

Ben swatted Lukas behind the head. "Quit it, Luke!"

"Jamie... _do you mind_? " Lukas held Emmett's hand in between his two. "I'm tryin' to be gentlemanly."

Ben shook his head, clamping a friendly hand over Emmett's shoulder. "Don't believe it... for a second. He's a charmer and a bullshitter"

"Takes one to know one, huh, Jamie?" Lukas muttered above Michael's head.

Emmett went back to shaking Lukas' hand the regular fashion. "I appreciate the sentiment, Mr. Harrison."

"Call me 'Luke'."

Emmett demurely released Lukas' hand, dabbing at his mouth. “How long you in town for?”

"Until Jamie kicks me out."

"Oh... you live with Jam-... uh, Benjam... Ben..." Emmett was looking between both blond Adonis-es, attempting to breathe properly. Such images in his head of these two men, gorgeous and sandwiching him on both sides. _**WOW!**_

Ted rolled his eyes. "Oh, Lordy." He was simply aggravated that Emmett was smitten with another man in under twenty-five seconds or less of meeting him.

Lukas stared down at Ted. " _Is there a problem?_ " He never lost his smile.

"No. Nothing that a quick lobotomy wouldn't fix." Ted held up his hand. "Ted Schmidt. And if you try kissing my hand, I'm gonna..."

Emmett put up a hand for Ted to shut up. He wasn't making a good first impression. He turned his eyes, sparkling them up to Lukas. "You're disturbing Ted's 'feeding time'."

"Ah. _Understandable_." Lukas raised his eyebrows, then hid his offered hand behind his back. He blinked, shifting his green eyes to Brian. "And **you** are...?"

Brian immediately shot his eyes to Michael. _What the hell had Michael asked them to do?_ "Brian Kinney. Consider the handshake meant, but invisible."

Lukas turned to Michael. "What a great group of friends you have, Michael."

"They make me prouder every day." Michael shuffled over to Emmett. "Hand me my bowl and toast."

The booth directly behind where Brian and Ted sat was opening up. Lukas slid into the farthest bench. Ben climbed in, his seat directly Brian and Ted. Ben's eyes zeroed on Brian's handsome features and the wide hazel, doubtful eyes. Like he feared Ben was going to spill their secrets. "Brian..."

"Ben..." Brian stopped at the "childish nickname calling" he usually had on cue.

Their mutual curt nods of acknowledgment never gave off anything strange or different.

Michael slipped in after Ben. Ted actually moved around to sit with Emmett, which gave Brian free reign to lounge, if he wanted. What he did was draw his body to lean back against the wall, lifting his right leg to stretch out on the seat. He had an arm up around the back of the bench.

Michael was finishing up his breakfast, not realizing Brian was secretly watching him off-n-on. He was absorbed in one of Lukas' surfing stories off the coast of Maui.

Debbie finally made her way over. She bussed Ben's cheek over Michael's head. "So... who's the new guy, Benny?" She smirked, chewing her gum. Eyes to the side of her head, she managed to smack Brian's leg on the bench. "Shoes off my pleather, Brian!"

You could hear two feet go "plop" on the floor.

"I'm Lukas Harrison, ma'am." Lukas never batted an eyelash as he introduced himself to the outrageously attired waitress.

Michael almost choked on his spoonful of cereal, hearing Lukas use of formality with his mother.

Ben patted Michael's back, suddenly realizing that there needed to be another introduction. Michael wasn't able to talk much. He opened his mouth to do the honors, but he was pushed aside, by an arm from the opposite bench.

Brian felt frisky and a bit horny. He picked up the half-eaten melon on the plate he'd left for Michael. "Here, Mikey... have some of **my** _melon_." He turned to face Lukas, hanging over the bench, between Ben and Michael.

"Uh... _thanks_ , Brian." Michael tried to cough out the clog in his throat. He felt one of Brian's hands muss the back of his hair, lightly scratching the scalp.

"Awww... don't mention it, _friend_." Brian patted Michael's chest, letting his hand slide up Michael's neck to his nape, where he tickled the shaved hairline. He sat back down, the correct way. His head aligned near Michael's head. Brian leaned back as far possible, making it seem like he was stretching his neck and muscles. He found that he could brush the dark hair on his temple, if he so desired. He sat sideways a bit, turning so he could put an arm along the back of the bench, in a different direction. His biceps and elbow joint resting against Michael's hair.

Michael simply shut his eyes in agony. Brian wasn't really being a pain in his ass, but he wasn't letting Michael chose the moment when they could be together again.

Brian slid back down to lean a little on the wall when Ted brought over some sections of the newspaper, he was relaxing in the seat, reading nothing important. He was on his third cup of coffee, Ted and Emmett boring him to no end. "I gotta go take a piss." He grumbled, fixing his suit to fit correctly. "Bathroom still back there, Deb."

Debbie stopped her chewing, jaw open. "Yes, Brian, where it's always been the last twenty-some odd years."

"Cool." Brian accidentally-on-purpose brushed by Michael, dropping a napkin in his lap. He'd written a note on it. He disappeared down the corridor through the shiny-silver door. He paced, making sure the cook didn't suddenly smack him in the head with the swinging kitchen door or that anyone else would be walking through to bother them. He moved to the bathroom door, trying the nob, just in case. It gave way. He slipped inside, hopeful that Michael had gotten his napkin SOS.

Michael had the napkin bunched in his fist. He didn't need to read it to know what Brian wanted him to do. So he waited for the right moment. "Hey, Ma...?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get that birthday card for Vic?" Michael stood up to walk toward one of the empty stools at the counter, which got him up out from behind the booth.

"Yeah... I been telling ya for weeks to go sign the damn thing. It's in the back office. In my purse." Debbie was gonna go into some weird explanation, but she flittered her hand. "Oh... _you know where it is_. Just don't open the Emergency Exit door. Some people get confused back there."

"Okay..." Michael had waited until Lukas and Ben were being served their food. Even Ted and Emmett had gone on with their conversation as if Brian had left for good. "I'll be back." Too much commotion around the tables left him able to vanish without a trace. He slipped down the long thin corridor, hoping he didn't get hit in the head by the swinging kitchen door. He found the men's room and knocked on the reinforced steel.

" _Yes! Who... is... it?!_ "

**~~TBC...**


	12. Chapter 12

 

Michael chuckled, because Brian used the wolf-in-gran'ma's clothing "gran'ma" voice from Little Red Riding Hood. "Gran'ma... what BIG..." The door was unlocked and opened before Michael could finish his dirty nursery tale dialogue. "Ah-umphf... ugh!" He was dragged in by his collar, then thrown gently back against the door, the lock turned. "God! This... is unreal..." He slid his hands up Brian's shirt, tugging off the expensive suit jacket. He watched it fall to the dirty tiled floor. He reached up to loosen Brian's tie, feeling the tug of his shirt tails out from his waistband. 

They both needed... _craved_... the innocent touch of naked skin.

Brian was kissing Michael on the neck, moving up behind his ear. "I simply wanted a kiss, Michael. One kiss." He was better at undressing Michael than Michael was at ridding Brian of his button-down shirt. So once he had Michael's chest bare, exposed to the air, he helped Michael take off his clothes in the same manner.

The clothes weren't "off", technically. More like hanging precariously from their shoulders and remaining secure on their arms. One leaned into the other, pert nipples brushing naked flesh. Their lungs expanding and deflating in tandem, they kept turning their heads in different positions. They only wanted to find a good direction to carry out their deepest desires for one another.

"Oh... like ... _one night_? We don't seem to be handling ONE of anything very well." Michael let his fingers shape Brian's flanks to slide toward his back. He hefted the flexible frame to bend to his own body.

Their groins meshed, hidden erections pulsating under the thick material of their work clothes.

Brian shook his head. He couldn't believe he could feel this much more for Michael than he ever thought possible. "I may have to subject some change to my morals. Perhaps... _loosen_ them?" It was almost akin to breathing, eating... this want of his best friend.

Michael squinted his eyes. "What do you mean?" He leaned on the door, spreading his feet apart to allow Brian to slip between his thighs. As if they were in bed, like last night.

"If this... is how you want us to be." Brian hovered, then planted his forearms on either side of Michael's head on the door. "I'll fuckin' do it." He punctuated every word with a single kiss to the skin. " _I'll have an affair with you._ " And as he moaned at the reaction he was getting from Michael's body, he leaned his brow on Michael's cheek. "Please... just kiss me back already." He trailed his hands up Michael's chest, grabbing onto his head, under his chin.

Lips met open mouth, tongues dueled and teeth softly bit. Both men quivering from need of one another.

Michael wanted to wrap himself around Brian, feel his body pulsating inside him. That was one sensation he could never rid himself of. He sifted his hands through Brian's perfectly combed locks. "Did you really notice how different I looked?" He pressed a series of short kisses on or around Brian's lips.

"Took me awhile. Only because I was apprehensive about seeing you this morning." Brian bent his head to fall on his own forearm, showing Michael a place on his neck he wanted him to pay attention to. 

Michael giggled, squeezing Brian to his body. "Ooo... you, too."

Brian shifted up to rest his forehead on Michael's. "My bed... _the sheets_... they _smelled_ of you... and I couldn't sleep in them, not peacefully anyway." He threaded the fingers of both hands with Michael's, pinning them to the door. "I grabbed the comforter and slept on the couch the rest of the night."

"Me, too." Michael had to admit he loved it when Brian nestled in the crook of his shoulder and neck. He occasionally rubbed his nose tip over the skin, causing a trickling of sensations to run through Michael. "My bed smells of you, as well. A bit fainter. Plus you've been on that bed with me all these years I've had that apartment." He dipped his head to whisper into Brian's ear. "... the memories we have in it just kept me from being able to sleep. I grabbed all the blankets I could and curled up on the couch."

Brian lifted his head, bringing one pair of their hands to press a finger on Michael's pouty, bruised mouth. "Did you touch yourself in the shower?"

"Uh... _yeah_..." Michael felt like teasing Brian to a certain madness. "I have to... in order to clean myself."

"Michael..." Hazel eyes darkened under brown lashes, wanting to know every single detail so he could package it all in his mind for safekeeping. "... _you know what I mean_..."

"Yes, I do. And... _I_ _ **did**_..." Michael slid his leg up the back of Brian's leg, hooking just at his hip.

Brian pinned their hands to the door more roughly than before. "How many times?"

" _Twice..._ " Michael whimpered, but not from pain... from the way every aspect of what Brian and his body was doing to him sent him over the edge of pleasure.

"In a row?" Brian breathed his breath into Michael's open mouth.

"No. More like one and then I just kept going... so it kept coming out of me." Michael even arched on the door, showing what he may, or may not, have looked like when he ejaculated. He came back to his original position, eyes languid and hazy with desire. "I felt a little better." He quirked one dark eyebrow in inquiry. "You?"

" _Once_ in the shower..." Brian dipped his head to trail his lips along Michael's collar and down his upper chest. "... then _twice_ on the bed..." He rubbed his face, mostly the skin of his cheek, on Michael's nipples. He suckled on them hard, tongue circling the nub, then kissing the darker skin.

"You **did** lay down on the bed?" Michael was shocked at this, but then it suddenly became the biggest turn on he could ever have heard. Or maybe it was the dirty way Brian was savoring his nipples.

"It's where the condoms were... _still_..." Brian did the same actions on the other nipple, coming back to kiss Michael on the lips.

"Why did you...?" Michael wasn't truly **that** curious, simply making conversation to distract him from cumming hard in his nice, new pants.

"You were _right_." Brian smirked, running the back of his hand down Michael's jaw. "It feels different to jerk off with a condom on."

" _Holy Jesus..._ " Michael had to close his eyes in bliss or orgasm right where he stood. The image of Brian stroking himself... well, **that** image always got him bothered. **This** newer image would shatter him to pieces. "... that is so fuckin' sexy to me..."

Their hands broke apart, but their bodies remained connected.

"You..." Brian tucked his hand under Michael's shirt to slide all the way behind him, flattening on his pliable flesh. "... are fuckin' sexy to me..."

"Really? I am?" Michael's voice cracked, not in low confidence. Only on the sheer fact Brian was tenderly caressing every piece of him. Especially at the small of his back.

" _Yes... God yes_... what is up with the new look?" Brian made a strange grin-grimace.

"I, uh... you said... you liked men who looked well put together. I just... _once-n-awhile_... wanted to look well-groomed for you."

"Ah... so this is like gonna be a 'thing' with you?" Brian nudged his face with Michael's. "One of those 'things' couples do for each other."

"But... we're _not_ a couple." Michael groaned out as he felt Brian's pin him to the door by his groin.

"No. Not yet. Mikey..." Brian shook his head. "Michael... look at me..."

Michael did, latching on to Brian's arm beside his face. "What?"

"That's my _fantasy_ man. That's someone who _doesn't_ exist. Not that I don't think you're fuckin' gorgeous, all tailored and coiffed." Brian played with Michael's stiff hair. "But... to me, I want those superhero t-shirts and well-worn jeans. I want the dorky-looking hairdo. Mostly I want them because they're **you**." He saw Michael lower his head in mild shame or serious want. "The other thing is... you've got a nice, hot, tight body. The tighter the clothing... the more I love you in them. To slowly get you out of them."

They shared in a small chuckle, both men suddenly realizing they might have to cut this moment short... _soon_. Their breathing became more labored, their stomachs touching and their hands exploring the wide expanse of skin on one another.

"Was I okay?" Michael slid his arms around Brian's neck, fingers dangling down his back. "Did I really look weird?" He let his brow rest on Brian's jaw. "I feel kind of itchy."

"Where?"

"Uhm... all over. I had these clothes in my closet. Still had the price tags on them. I think they were gifts. God knows how many Christmas-es or Birthdays ago I got these."

Brian laughed, but it came out as a soft snort from his nostrils. His hands drifted down to Michael's zipper. He neither lowered or shifted his eyes from Michael's.

"Brian... _what are you...?_ " Michael gripped Brian's wrist weakly, almost helping to guide then refusing to be taken in Brian's grasp. He inhaled a sharp breath as Brian lowered his pants and underwear to reveal his hardening cock. " _Are we...?_ "

"No." Brian shook his head, kissing Michael's lips. His hand engulfed the length, stroking tenderly. "Despite popular belief, and my greatly exaggerated reputation... _I fuck when I_ _ **want**_ _, not because I_ _ **can**_ _..._ "

"We, also... don't have a condom."

"That's true, but Emmett does."

Michael shook his head on the door. "That packet looked old and worn. I bet the condom is broken inside." He glanced up into the rich hazel eyes, finding mischief floating about. " _What are you...?_ " He could see, in the dimming light of the seedy bathroom, that Brian had some circular object twirling about his index finger. His strokes were building up to whatever he had in his hands. "The cock ring Ma gave Ted?" His eyes darted over Brian's face, mouth hanging open in shock.

"Schmidt left it on his napkin." Brian shrugged, looking down at his hand around Michael's dick. "Got the feeling he didn't really _want_ it. Or, maybe, he already has his own collection."

Michael blinked, shutting his jaw. "Does it hurt?" He gulped with some trepidation. "I've never worn one before. Always wanted to try... _but_..."

"Your past lovers weren't adventurous enough?" Brian teased, making it seem like there would be nobody else after **he** had sex with Michael. "Guys wear it for different reasons. Some to keep their 'business' altogether, wearing it all day until they have sex at night. Others wear it only before, during and after sex. Once hard... the ring constricts flow... from everywhere. Thereby an increase in pressure when you ejaculate. Longer erections means longer sex."

"Thank you... Dr. Ruth." Michael looked down at himself, almost horny at the sight of Brian jerking on him. "Uhm... okay... so what are **we** using it for? And why am I the Designated Cock Ring wearer?" He planted his hands flat to the door, feeling pressure already growing.

"You... are gonna wear it all day. Well... until tonight."

"Why?" Michael didn't like how frightened his voice sounded to his own ears. He felt Brian bring his hand up to soothe his belly. "Wha-... what's happening tonight?"

"Tonight?" Brian lifted one eyebrow, leaning toward Michael's mouth. "You... me... and Babylon. Call it a new, improved version of Brian and Michael Night. The Unrated/Director's cut. And why **you** get to wear it is... because you've never worn one and I like putting things on you. I hear if you turn the right way, at the right moment, the ring will pull your flesh tight enough to make it feel as if someone is jerking you off." He glanced down to see Michael closing his eyes, dark lashes on pale skin. The way the perfect white teeth bit at his puffy lower lip. Brian suddenly grew jealous that there could be a time where he lost _this_... _this feeling of being Michael's "only"_. "It's, also, the one place I know Ben won't be seeing for awhile. Short of tattooing ' _Property of Brian Kinney_ ' on your body... this is my less evasive choice."

Michael softly mewled, the anticipation of the tight ring around anything down below setting bolts of frantic energy through him. "I already told Ben... I'm no man's possession..." But, yet... his darkest fantasy was being dominated by Brian... in much this same manner.

"Ah... Correct. Still true. The reason why is... because you're 'mine'..." Brian jerked Michael off the door to his body. He used the fingers of one hand inside the ring to stretch the forgiving rubber. It fit perfectly around the bottom of the penis, under the scrotal sac. "How's _that_?" Brian reached up to plant his hands above Michael's bowed head. He nuzzled the dark hair. "Too tight?" He could tell that Michael was simply trying to gather some modicum of courage to be this way all day for him. He saw the slow nod of Michael's head, the way his hands began to pull up his clothes. Brian decided to help, kissing Michael's fevered skin. Michael had become stiff enough to fully appreciate the draw of the cock ring. "Michael... we can take it off if it's..."

Michael finally lifted his head, arcing his neck on the door as pleasure seeped through. "No... _no_..." His hand reached out to lay flat on Brian's chest, rubbing the bare skin. "I have this image of you... now, putting this on me. It'll be there all day." He smiled wearily over at Brian, but more weary of want than true exhaustion. There was no way to quell what had already begun last night. "Won't I make a great impression on my customers today?"

Brian was buttoning up Michael's shirt, tucking the shirt tails in and zipping the trousers as he periodically meshed lips with Michael. "Go ahead. Walk around. See how it feels on. If you don't really like, I'll take it off. If you _do_ like it, _like I know you will_..." He could tell by the way Michael rolled his eyes in blissful pain. "... I'll take it off you at Babylon tonight."

Michael slowly strolled around the tiny bathroom, like he was trying on a pair of new shoes. "Ben and I still need to talk. I was..." He turned a certain way, finally understanding what Brian was talking about with the "pull of skin". "... uh, hoping to do so before the next anvil fell on our heads." He tilted his head slightly. "You know... it does feel like there's _some-_ _ **thing**_ around my cock, but... not constrictive like you'd think..."

"C'mere..." Brian was fixing his own clothes, having perfected this maneuver over time. He crooked his finger at Michael for him to come close again. Brian sat on the sink ledge, spreading his legs wide. When Michael neared, he took hold of the rounded backside. Brian began a series of kisses that helped stimulate Michael's libido. Michael began rolling his hips, as his erection grew... so did the realization of how the cock ring would become a fast favorite sex toy.

"Ah... _God!_ " Michael fell forward on Brian's chest, grabbing his shoulder joints. "... that's insane!"

"Feel it _now_?"

"Hell yeah... _uh... jesus_. It does feel more like a hand around my dick, pulling rather than stroking, like a real one would."

Brian reached down between their bodies, rubbing the back of his hand over the hidden length. "How about now?"

Michael's forehead pressed into Brian's upper torso. "Ugh... _yeah_..." He latched onto Brian's biceps, riding out the tiny waves of euphoria, but **not** cumming. "... push against me harder."

"No. The whole point of this ring is to prolong your climax."

"I can do that on my own... thank you." Michael clung to Brian's body, hugging him close to his chest. "Will I be hard all day?"

"Uhm... somewhat. Not really, but you'll be over stimulated. Normal things you bump into will become... near orgasmic."

" _Oh, joy..._ "

Brian chuckled, enveloping his arms completely about Michael's tiny frame. He wanted nothing more than to forget the day and jump back into bed with Michael. "Just don't rub yourself against trees, little people or comic book racks." He spoke into Michael's ear, nudging his cheek against his face.

"Do you get to wear this tomorrow?"

"No. This is officially **your** cock ring. I've got plenty at my loft." Brian mocked Michael's pouting lips, brushing his thumb over the chin.

"Really?" Michael could only imagine what kind of "toys" Brian had stored away. He wanted to try all of them, at least once.

"Mikey... don't you remember who I am?"

Michael tugged Brian into his arms, slamming them both on the door. "Right now... you should be the man fucking me. But... I think we've been in here long enough to cause suspicion.

"I'm not fuckin' you in some skanky Diner bathroom. Even if it is on Liberty Avenue."

"But... I'm dirty enough for Babylon's backroom?"

"Honey... you're the one with the Babylon fantasy."

"Brian... you're making my fantasy come true?" Michael actually sounded touched.

Brian bent his face toward Michael's, hovering over smiling lips. "If I can manage it without looking whipped."

Michael slid his arms around Brian's torso, as he put the suit jacket back on. "I just might cum from thoughts alone."

Brian began to straighten his collar, then re-did his tie. "So... you, uh... really like Ben's friend?" He was simply asking out of curiosity, not jealousy. _Maybe..._

Michael soothed Brian's cheek. "Brian... there's no need to be jealous."

"I'm **not**." Brian dipped his head to hide his eyes. Michael helped fix his jacket around his neck, making sure the shirt looked presentable, tie straight. "I just... I think there might be a way I could figure out your boyfriend's plan."

Michael furrowed his brow in confusion. "Which means?"

"Get closer to Lukas." Brian pulled on his jacket cuffs. "They seem pretty tight."

Michael nodded his head, tucking his hands behind his back on the door. "I know. I saw Ben smack Luke upside the head. It was like flashes of Ma." He started to shake his head, his eyes looking off in the distance. "I just don't get their dynamic."

" _Pot... meet kettle._ " Brian had one hand for each item stretched out.

"Huh?" Michael realized what Brian meant. "Yeah... okay. I could be describing us."

"One does... seem more smitten than the other."

"Who?" Michael was interested to know how Brian could figure it out so quickly.

"I'm not telling. Suffice to say, I know where he's coming from." Brian unlocked the door. "I'll walk out first..."

"Okay... then _what_?"

"We both go our separate ways."

"Until tonight?"

"Yeah... tonight."

"You want me to call or..."

"Go to your apartment. Get dressed. I'll come pick you up."

"Awww... sounds like a real date."

"Michael..."

"I know. I'll stop." Michael watched how Brian wasn't leaving anytime soon. "Did you need something?"

"Uh... I'm not quite sure, but the second I walk out there..."

"I'll think of you all day, too. I'll miss you just as much as I missed you last night. I can't forget you, because... _I love you_..."

Brian nodded his head, unsure of what exactly to say in kind to Michael's words. He pretty much spoke for them both. He reached out to cup Michael's face, his thumb rubbing over the smooth cheek. "Love you, too..." He leaned his brow on Michael's forehead, letting out an agonizing sigh. "Back to reality..."

". _.. and away we go..._ "

Brian slipped through the doorway, letting it shut behind him. He was hesitant to walk down the long hallway, because he had about five people to explain himself to. Well, _really_... he didn't have to say anything to anybody, but he felt compelled to pave the way for Michael. Make sure everyone knew they weren't hiding a thing, except what was their own to keep. He put a cigarette in his mouth, lighting the end. Taking a long puff, he wandered back out onto the Diner floor.

The area was almost clear of breakfast customers, but it was growing close to the time when the stragglers arrived. Ted and Emmett were now sitting with Ben and Lukas. Lukas was hitting it off with Emmett. Which kind of peeved Brian, because he was wanting to snag a few seconds of the guy's time.

“You okay?” Debbie passed him by, plates in hand. "Been gone long."

Brian pulled out his cigarette, prepared to make excuses for he and Michael. "I left the bathroom and went in search of Michael. He let me smoke out the teeny window in the office. He'll be here shortly."

"Did he sign that card for Vic?"

"Uh... I'm not sure. He was having a difficult time coming up with something heartfelt and meaningful. I think he said he wanted to look at a book or something back at his place. You know how much Vic means to him. He's not just gonna write any old thing down and sign his name." Brian went over to pick up his long wool jacket. "Can I get a x-tra large coffee to go, Deb?" He meandered over to sit on the stool at the counter. He leaned forward a bit, knowing Michael would soon be walking out behind him. He leaned his chin on his hand while waiting for Debbie. He knew where everything was, he could made one for himself. But... he didn't want the famed "swat to the head", already feeling like his whole world might slip right from under him. He was off in his own mind when he felt the shadow, and warmth, approach him from the far right. He glanced once over his shoulder to find Ben's blue eyes staring directly at him. "Is there something you need?"

Ben sat on the side of the stool, facing Brian. " _One more night._ "

Brian tried not to make his jaw drop open or his eyes go too wide. "Pardon?"

"Just an interview, last few questions."

"Did you make 'em all up in your pretty blond head, Jamie?" Brian figured he'd use a new nickname for Ben. One that would probably **not** sit well with him. Almost like... when other people called Michael, "Mikey". He put out his cigarette; he didn't feel like smoking anymore. Too tense. Not that he was afraid of Bruckner, but more like... his motives were speculative this time. "Don't you have enough to write your dumb paper?"

"Not really."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't get to ask all the questions I asked everybody else."

"How important can they be?"

"Some, _not so_... others, _very_."

"You are batshit crazy if you think Michael will agree to this."

"I'm thinking... once he knows you'll do it, he'll agree."

"What makes you think he'll agree?"

"He obviously loves you, doesn't want anyone to hurt you."

"You plan on hurting me, Jamie?"

"No. We do the same as last night. Interview, sit around, have dinner... see where the night takes us."

Brian finally spun around. His legs trapped Ben's knees. "You want _**in**_... don't you?"

Ben was momentarily stunned. "No... I... no, look... I just..."

"Call it what you want. You can't stand _the hold_ I have over him." Brian bent low to speak into Ben's face. "What? Can't nobody love Michael better than you?" He leaned back, squinting at Ben. "And... what makes you think I'd agree to be put up for display, yet again?"

"You love Michael. You'll do anything for him. Even help his boyfriend keep his job." Ben watched Debbie wander over, pulling down a tall Styrofoam cup and filling it with coffee. "Can I get one of those, too, Deb?" He took out his money, but then Brian reached out with his bare hand. He latched onto Ben's wrist, seductively running it up the cuff into the sleeve of his jacket.

"On me, Benny... my treat." Brian stuffed Ben's money back in his jacket pocket.

"Why... _thank you_ , Brian." Ben unflinchingly smiled over, watching the hazel eyes deepen with a certain inner rage.

"NO." Brian stood, grabbing his jacket and coffee. "Thank... _ **you**_ , Benjamin."

Debbie turned around to face both of Michael's men. "Would you two cut the bullshit talk and just kick the shit out of each other?!" She took out her parental index finger and shook it between them. "And if it comes to blows, take it to the streets."

"Blowing... is better in the bedroom, Deb." Brian winked at Ben, walking out the door.

“I have to agree with Brian.” Ben smirked at Debbie. "It's true."

"No. No you don't. You _can't_ agree with him. You _hate_ him."

Ben chuckled, he looked over the amount of money Brian placed on the counter. It practically covered everyones' breakfast and then some. He actually left too much money. "Here... I guess the meals were on Brian."

"Well, _gosh_... wasn't that sickeningly sweet of him." Debbie grumbled, slightly.

"Why do you _love_ him, Deb?" Ben put his chin on his hand, interested in the answer.

Debbie was a bit bewildered by the question. "Huh?" She counted out the twenty dollar bills.

" _ **Brian Kinney**_. What draws you to want to have him in your life? If he's such a bad influence on Michael?"

Debbie chewed and smacked her gum, hand on hip, eyes rolling toward the ceiling. "You got some weird fascination with him, kid? You wanna fuck 'im like everybody else?"

"Nah... curious, is all..." Ben wasn't even aware if Debbie knew of he and Brian's past.

"Well, you know what _they_ say..."

"No... what do **they** say?"

"It can kill."

"Yeah, but not _literally_."

"What does that matter? You nosy in someone else's business, you'll get bit. And you might not ever be able to come back to rights."

"It's fine, Deb. Nothing's going on that we can't handle like grown adults." Ben patted her forearm on the counter. He picked up his Styrofoam cup to spin back to find Michael and Lukas chatting with Ted and Emmett. "Brian left." He sputtered out as he approached Michael's side.

"Oh... well... we already said goodbye." Michael shrugged, showing a certain calmness. Strange, to feel calm with a cock ring on.

"You _sure_?" Ben was doubtful on that course. _What kind of "goodbye" did he mean?_

"How many other ways are there to say ' _have a nice day_ '... 's _ee you later_ '...?" Michael rolled his eyes, walking over the register with the two meal tickets. "Ma... here. I think this will cover..."

"Brian already took care of it, baby. Put your money away."

Michael couldn't help the smile on his face as he handed his mother the receipts. "That was awful nice of him."

"Yeah... he's a shoe-in for the fuckin' Nobel Peace Prize."

"Give him a break, Ma. He's had a tough couple of days."

"I know you ain't asking me anything, but... you better keep an eye out on that friend and boyfriend of yours."

Michael furrowed his brow. "Why?"

"I don't know. Something _fishy_ going on there. No snide comments and actin' all _nicey-nicey_ to each other."

"Things are _fine_ , Ma."

"Yeah... _I know_. Ben told me. Actin' all adult and mature... about _**you**_."

"Bye, Ma." Michael waved over his shoulder.

Debbie grumbled under her throat, again, watching all her boys leave, then zeroed her eyes on Lukas.

Lukas smiled sweetly, half innocent as he wondered what had gone on between Brian and Ben at the counter. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Novotny."

"Yeah... _whatever._ "

Lukas couldn't help but laugh as he watched her go back to work, taking care of her customers until her afternoon lunch break.

**~~TBC...**   



	13. Chapter 13

  
Lukas unashamedly strolled naked into the men's shower room, carrying a bar of soap, a washcloth, and his towel. The stalls were marked as separate from one another by low, half-walls, coming about to an average sized man's waist. Placing the soap on the dish, laying the towel on one side of one wall, he reached to turn on the faucet knobs. Hot first, then gradually cold to regulate the temperature. He doused his entire body under the spray, feeling aches and pains vanish from a strenuous hour of activity. Half hour gym workout, half hour game of racquetball. 

Lukas admitted since arriving in Pittsburgh he gone back to perfecting his "lazy bum" routine. He had been lounging on the couch, flipping through boring-ass daytime television when Ben called. He had a huge break between his schedule, so he invited Lukas to come with him to this country club, possibly slipping out later for lunch. Lukas scared himself at how quick he was to jump at the chance to spend one-on-one time with Ben. More to find an opportunity to approach Ben about his steroid use, but also... _Michael had been right_. Ever since Lukas had shown up, Ben was disappearing more often than asking him to hang out. Granted he was cordial and Ben had a life to lead, but it was almost like their friendship had dissolved without either of them realizing.

He dunked his head under the warm water, flipping his slicked curls back from his forehead. He was about ready to pick up his washcloth and soap, when two stalls down he noticed a naked body. From the back, he thought it was Ben for a split second. Upon a longer stare, he realized the long, tapered muscular form actually belonged to a much more beefy-looking guy. Sculpted muscles down his chest toward a well-stacked six-pack set of abs. The guy had short cropped dark brown hair and appeared to be enjoying his shower a little too much. Near orgasmic levels of shower pleasure. Then the guy rocked on the balls of his feet, shooting cum somewhere on the tiled floor... or so Lukas _thought_.

He had to quickly turn around to not be thought of as staring. He went about washing himself as he spared a flicker of glances toward the Greek God. He finally noticed the second dark head, belonging to a younger male, who had been on his knees giving the older man a blowjob. The young man was naked save for a towel tucked about his thin waist. He stood, waiting a pace or two before quietly asking the Greek God a soft question.

"Yeah... yeah..." Greek God puffed his chest out, standing to almost six feet in height. "... you earned it." He went over to his little black bag on one wall, pulling out a small vial of powder. "Next time..." He played as if he was going to simply hand the drugs over, but then took the vial back. Smirk on his face, eyes alight with mischief. "... you bring the cash like I ask ya'... or I'll fuck ya' in the ass, kid..." He slapped the vial into the baffled young man's hands, using his thumb to show him the way out of the shower room.

Lukas couldn't help staring now as the young man practically kissed the Greek God's feet and kept thanking him. He ran out of the shower room near tears, fearful of being followed or seen trading sex for drugs. Lukas slowly turned back to face the shower wall, making it seem like he hadn't seen a thing. But as Lukas took another tentative look over his shoulder, the guy bent down to lift up his underwear and gym shorts, putting his country club polo shirt back on. He packed up all his trinkets as if that had been his last "customer" of the day. He turned his shower knob off, walking past Lukas to exit the shower room. There was a short, curt nod of acknowledgment, then Greek God was gone.

Lukas felt his heart pick up pace, fear leaving his body at being trapped in an uncomfortable situation he could do nothing about. He didn't like feeling lost and adrift. That certainly wasn't your typical "drug dealer", but he'd still given off this crazy low-life vibe.

He finished with his shower, turning off the knobs and wrapping the dry towel around his waist. As he walked out of the shower room, he threw away the tiny bar of soap and placed the washcloth in a dirty laundry bin. He picked up a smaller hand towel on one of the clean linen shelves to scrub at his hair, one handed. He could hear Ben's voice in the distance, almost relieved to recognize the deep tone and the hearty laughter. He felt a pang of sadness, because **that** was **his** laugh. And Lukas hadn't heard **that** laugh once during his time here.

_What the fuck was making Ben sound so fuckin' ecstatic?_ Lukas dressed quickly, borrowing Ben's deodorant and cologne. There was even some hair gel he used to try taming his wayward curls. He ran one hand through his hair, picking up his jacket to head in the direction of Ben's voice. 

There was a second, less distinguishable voice talking and joking, recounting one anecdotal story after another about the parties here at the country club. As Lukas rounded the corner of the last row of lockers, he could see Ben. His perfectly white teeth flashing and the corners of his blue eyes crinkling even behind his wire-rimmed glasses. Slung over his shoulder was the gym bag he'd brought, holding dirty clothes, shoes and the two rackets.

"Ah! Hey, Luke..." Ben's smile grew wider at the sight of his friend coming around the corner. "... I was gonna come find you and..."

Lukas heard nothing else Ben said as he approached. The humming and ringing in his ears of white, hot anger overtaking him. The man talking and joking with Ben was the Greek God drug dealer from the shower room.

Greek God was speaking, holding out his hand to shake in a smooth greeting.

Lukas went numb, then clamped shut with his emotions or else he'd boil over. He refused the hand. He felt like punching that perfectly gorgeous face's lights out.

Ben could detect something not quite right with Lukas. "Luke, _what_...?"

Lukas got behind Ben, trying to encourage him to leave first through one half of the swinging double doors. "Not now." He touched the small of Ben's back, pushing slightly. “Let's just get out of here.”

"Best friend, Benny? Seems to me... more like..." Greek God's dark eyes slinked down Lukas' wiry frame, collecting each morsel of sexy manliness. He liked the "fire" in this man's eyes. "... jealous boyfriend to me."

As Ben was backing out through the double doors, Lukas stepped to the Greek God, ending up toe-to-toe. " _Think you're fuckin' gangsta, bitch!_ " He butted chests with the stranger. "C'mon..." He wiggled his hands for the man to attempt to hit him. " _I dare ya'... make a move.._."

Ben was flabbergasted by Lukas' outlandish behavior. "Luke..." He tried to grab for the sleeve of lukas' jacket.

Lukas stared the man down. "Jamie... _leave_. _**Now**_." He shrugged Ben's touch off his arm.

Greek God looked as if he'd rumble with Lukas if he had to, but there was a shifty look to his eyes that told he was possibly "on the clock" and really shouldn't be fraternizing with the guests of the place he was employed. He still had to carry out some semblance of being able to take care of himself in a fight, though. "Yeah, Benny. Me... and the Boyfriend... we got a little... _somethin'-somethin'_ to do..."

Lukas pushed Greek God again with his chest, causing him to falter in his ultra-cool pose. "Think you got it made? Fuckin' punk-ass junk dealer in a white-bred world!" He realized how **not** tall the Greek God was when he wasn't carrying the "air" about him or puffing his chest out. "Whatcha got in your little purse there, Magic Man?!" Lukas pointed to the black bag in the guy's hand "Anything I can use, if I pay you by sucking your cock too?"

Greek God swallowed, voice cracking as he backed up to the far wall of lockers. "Maybe **you**..." He lightly pushed Lukas away, hating how close he was to his body. "... should just be on your way with Benny boy. I pretend..." He touched his chest like he was being gracious enough to let bygones be bygones. When all he was really trying to do was save himself from getting his ass kicked. "... like none o'this eveh happened."

"Cut the bullshit. You ain't New York... or Jersey. You ain't even a hardcore banger like ya think! You play tough guy, but in the end... you're just another no-end-in-sight loser wannabe."

Greek God chose to ignore Lukas, waving over toward Ben's shocked and disturbed face. "Benny... I'll see ya next time." He almost got away Scott free, but Lukas blocked his path.

"Talk to him again... I will personally fuck you up so badly you won't be able to pee standing up. You deal anymore _junk_ when I'm around, you better be offering Flintstones vitamins and free condoms. Or else... I get your sweet narrow ass arrested and thrown in jail where the _real_ drug dealers can teach you how to suck a big cock."

" _Luke! Let's! Go!_ " Ben had enough of Lukas' He-Man routine.

Lukas had a few last minute things to say. "Stay. Away. _Got it_?!"

"Yes." Greek God was suddenly cowering in his own body, much like the young man he'd coerced into giving him a blowjob earlier. "I _got_ it."

Lukas made like he was going to "jump" at the guy, but it was only an awful way of taunting, in bad taste. The Greek God scurried in fright. Lukas hung his head, wiping at his sweating upper lip. _Damn..._ that was hard to do with a straight face. He swiveled, pushing out the other double door, feet walking faster ahead of Ben.

"Luke... _what the fuck was that_?!" Ben attempted to keep up pace, but he was loaded down with the gym bag. " _Hey! Slow down! I'm talkin' to you!_ "

"Funny!" Lukas yelled back. "I'm not even tryin' to talk to you!" He paced into the country club's huge foyer, heading through the front doors. He pulled out the validated valet ticket stub. The valet stand was in full swing, so Lukas had to remain in line, letting Ben catch up to him.

Ben was somewhat out of breath, so Lukas kindly took over the bag, easing his burden. "Mind telling me what the hell that was back there?"

Lukas bent his chin to his chest, not one for public displays of bickering. "Not here."

"Where? When?"

They were next in line. The young valet took the ticket stub and ran off to head toward the huge parking lot.

Ben slid up beside Lukas, hovering over his shoulder. He wanted Lukas to look directly at him, but he wouldn't... or couldn't. "Would it do me some good to apologize?"

"No." Lukas' response was short and sweet.

"Did Nick do something to piss you off?"

_Nick?_ Lukas finally turned his sharp, pained green eyes to Ben. _Wow..._ must have been Greek God's name. He then looked everywhere but at Ben. "Am I taking you back to school?" 

"I'm not really teaching this afternoon. Mostly office work and developing my class topics for next week."

Lukas lowered his head, the tip of his shoe suddenly fascinating to stare at. "So... I'm taking you back to the apartment?" He simply wanted to be clear on where he could hide all day into the evening. He really didn't want to deal with Ben right now.

"Well..." Ben cleared his throat, scratching at the side of his face. "I had thought about taking you out to lunch, but..." Lukas was tense and stiff, clearly frustrated over something eating inside him. "... I don't think you're in the mood. Nor do you want to be seen with me, _apparently_."

"Don't pout. It's not like you." Lukas perked up as he caught sight of his truck making its way to the curbside.

The young valet pulled up, leaving the engine idle, running around the tailgate to help with the gym bag.

Lukas walked away to climb into the driver's seat. Ben took out a five dollar bill to hand to the young man as he held open the passenger door for him.

They drove away, out from under the large cement awning. They turned down and around, out the exit of the circular driveway. Lukas was too quiet, leaving Ben too pissed and confused. Neither said one word on the drive back to Ben's apartment.

Parking in his usual slot, Lukas came out to lift the gym bag out of the truck bed, slinging it over his shoulder. He followed Ben inside, all the way through the front door. That's when Lukas dropped the heavy bag and kept walking toward the guest bedroom he had been sleeping in.

Ben hoped Lukas would be rational for a conversation, but the way he disappeared and softly shut the bedroom door made it seem like he was close to implosion. Ben tried not to care, writing it off as something personally warring inside his best friend. But Lukas' bitter anger toward Nick, at the country club, wasn't sitting well in his mind. He strolled over to the door, hearing some things being thrown around. He knocked lightly, pushing the door open since it hadn't been closed fully.

Lukas had taken off his jacket and shoes, walking around in his short sleeves, jeans and bare feet. He'd placed every packed bag he brought on the bed, sifting through every nook-n-cranny.

Ben feared the worst. "Luke... where are you going?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nowhere." Lukas mumbled as his curly head bent over his task.

"Why are all your bags out and on the...?" Ben began to ask, but could tell Lukas really hadn't wanted any company. He wasn't ready to talk, yet. This wasn't like him.

"I'm looking for something I thought I brought with me." Lukas was frantically unzipping and zipping each little side pocket of his bags as well.

Ben stepped to the edge of the bed, sitting on the bench seat. "Do you need my help?"

"No." Lukas bit his bottom lip, afraid to speak about what was bothering him the most. The situation forefront in his mind. "I don't need _anything_ from you..." He stopped searching for whatever he was looking for, turning to face Ben. " _... except the truth._ "

" _Truth? About what?_ " Ben furrowed his brow in perplexity.

"These..." Lukas picked up the plastic container from the night stand, throwing it at Ben for him to catch.

Ben caught the object, hearing the noises inside as if something was broken or had been broken. "Wha-?" He lifted one corner of the lid to discover what had Lukas so ticked off. He closed the lid. "I can explain..."

"Oh? _Can you?_ " Lukas sniffled out a bad chuckle.

"Where did you find them?" Ben hadn't recalled over injecting himself in any other room but his own bathroom.

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna bother lying to you. I already told you I snoop. I have no shame when it comes to family or friends. Especially when someone I know, and care deeply for, is acting irrationally." Lukas paced to the tall dresser, near the window. He leaned back on the tower of drawers, one arm across his belly. His heart was already starting to ache profusely, because Ben had that same glassy-eyed look to his eyes Danny had. Why hadn't he noticed _this_ before?

Ben put out a hand to reassure Lukas. "You're talking about my phone call last night. My curiosity about Brian... and the possibility of being with _both_ of them. Luke... I've told you why I'm doing this."

"Oh... you've given me plenty of rational, sound excuses to cover up the reality. But last night... **that** was the first time you didn't even sound like the Jamie I know..." Lukas swallowed the last portion of that sentence... **"and love"**.

"I told you I'm **not** trying to _harm_ Brian."

"You are borderline obsessed with that man. It's not even about Michael anymore for you." Lukas rubbed a hand over his face, filtering it through his curls. He saw Ben stare and swallow too. "All you want to do is fuck Kinney... _in every way possible_. You'll walk away, feeling as if you're some kind of victor in a fucked up competition."

Ben pinched his lips together, pulling off his glasses. He hooked them over the opening of his button-down shirt. "I love Michael. If possible... I would still like us to attempt to heal our relationship. After this whole situation is complete."

Lukas shook his head, covering his face with both hands. "You're insane. I can't even bear listening to you anymore." He paced back to the bed, having some idea where he hadn't looked in his bags. He ended up being successful in finding what he had searched for. He looped it around his hand, tucking the medallion in his palm. The necklace and pendant always gave him courage somehow, but that wasn't why he brought it out. Why he was so frantic with looking for it. He noticed Ben's keen blue eyes following his every move, then pocketed the necklace for safekeeping until later. "Meanwhile..." He strolled back over to the dresser, leaning once again. "… you've forced them into a corner. You got them trapped in your 'cage', asking all your pertinent questions and nosy-ing yourself in business that really has _nothing_ to do with you... _unless you let it_. You know that, in your own mind, that's why you felt so guilty, you 'allowed' them to fuck one another. Now... you want sainthood? What makes you think you can use your charm on Michael to make him forget everything you've done to Brian?"

"I'm **not** playing games here, Luke. This is **my** life. If I don't try something drastic... who knows where I'll be 5yrs down the road."

"Uh... sane, alive and with a great guy named Michael." Lukas shrugged, his eyes not moving off Ben's face. "You think you're **not** playing games, but you sure do like to gamble with peoples' lives."

"Excuse me?" Ben squinted his eyes at Lukas in bafflement.

" _The steroids_ , Jamie."

Ben rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "I don't..." He tried to calm himself down, not liking where Lukas was going with this topic. "... I'm not 'using', Luke. In fact, I haven't been on them for very long."

"Is that supposed to mean something? You've been on them long enough for me to see some severe changes in your personality."

Ben closed his eyes. "I don't abuse them."

"Oh, _pretty please_... tell me why you **do** use them? Some new realm of treatment for HIV?"

"No."

"So.. _why_?" Lukas held out his hands for a serious explanation.

Ben reopened his eyes, his gaze intent on Lukas' face. "I want to be healthy."

Lukas gestured his hand toward Ben and his physically fit body. "Look at yourself. You _are_ healthy. You work out. You keep fit. What do the steroids give you that you can't find naturally?"

"Leverage. I suppose." Ben blinked, never finding anyone disliking his use of steroids. Those he knew who took them had no complaints. He really didn't socialize with those who didn't, but... he understood their disappointments and worries. "It's so I can stay one step ahead of this disease."

"And... that means... _you wanna leave this world deader than a doornail, but have a healthy, beautiful corpse laying in the coffin?_ "

"Lukas..." Ben rubbed in an aggravated motion on his forehead. "... it's MY life. MY choice."

"And those choices have consequences when you surround yourself with people who love you and who you love." Lukas wrapped his arms about his mid-torso, tucking his hands under his elbows. He didn't know why he was saying this... encouraging Ben to make a life with Michael, but he had to say something or he'd be way more honest than Ben wanted him to be. "You're building a relationship with a man, growing closer. Close enough to probably consider marriage... _or some kind of commitment._ " He blinked at the agony in his chest. "Jamie... it quickly becomes **your** lives together. You transform into an US... not an 'I' or a 'me'. And if you think the choices and decisions you're making now won't come back to haunt you later, than you are in deeper denial than I thought."

“I've survived these past 2yrs on my own, Luke.” Ben quickly stood up, plastic container in his hands. “I can do _this_. No one knows my body or what affects it, better than me."

Lukas slowly walked up to Ben. "Flower up the language however you want, Jamie. What you're injecting in you is a _synthetic_ compound. Sure we have the DNA that's simulated in steroids, but now you're _enhancing_ them. They were dormant, no they're forefront. Narcotics do the same thing. We all have endorphins, but one hit of weed, uppers, crack or heroin... and POOF! We might look like we're on a natural high, but it's not real. Because the downside is... you run out of the high, _whatever you take to keep you going_. You become... _hungry_. That drug slips out of your system, you're left with nothing more than an empty wasteland of depression. Except now you sink lower, 'cause now you _**need**_ that drug to feel just as good again. Even normal."

Ben shook his head, hoping for a way to explain his predicament. "I know all this, Luke. I told you... _I don't abuse them._ " Somehow hearing this speech from Lukas made him second guess his hasty decision to take them four-five months ago.

"You sound just like the alcoholic... _I swear, only one more drink_. Or the drug user... _I swear, just one more hit._ " Lukas grew closer and closer to Ben, almost forcing him to sit back down. "You _started_ it, Jamie. You've begun something that can't be undone until you realize what it's doing _or will_ do to you."

"I know the dangers of steroid use. I'm willing to chance them. I've heard horror stories from people who've been on them, _but_ _ **I**_ _'m different_."

"Well... aren't you just so fabulous. These were... uhm, 'friends', who turned you on to them?"

Ben shrugged, letting his shoulders sag. " _People I know through other friends_."

"You need new friends. Or call the older ones occasionally, so they don't have to be forced to come visit your lazy ass." Lukas knew he was scaring, possibly pissing Ben off, so he playfully pushed on the hefty shoulder. Ben reached out to snag the hand, keeping it close to his body. "Is Nick... one of those 'friends' you're talking about?"

Ben hadn't been paying attention, lost in the caress of his shoulder. "What?" Lukas hadn't touched him in this manner while he had been staying. Funny, because he used to be a very touchy-feely guy.

"The DumbBell at the country club. Your _drug_ dealer." Lukas rubbed the back of his hand down Ben's cheek and along his jaw. He wanted to let Ben know he'd take care of him, but he had to help himself first. Starting with admitting he had the beginning signs of a drug problem.

"Luke, I..."

Lukas let his hand slip behind Ben's head, along his nape. He forced Ben to look directly into his green gaze. "Please... I _saw_ him, Jamie. Taking a blowjob for a dime bag payment. He slipped the kid a vial with some drugs inside. I'm not stupid or naive."

"Nick's a good guy."

"Has he made you 'service' him for payment, yet?"

Ben blinked, shaking his head. "No, I've been... uh, tapping a bit into my extra savings. My emergency funds for... well, when or if I should get sick..."

Lukas shut his eyes in misery. "Yeah. Nick's the Greatest. He's not even ashamed of what he's doing. He sparred mad dialogue and witty verbiage with me so easily." He rolled his eyes at his own sarcasm.

Ben snickered, recalling the animalistic way Lukas had jumped in front of Nick to protect him. "He wasn't expecting you to attack him like that." It was unreal to watch such passion in his best friend for him.

"Attack? Oh, honey... he's lucky he got off with what I gave him. Had I actually seen your drug exchange... I would have fed him his own testicles."

Ben stood up, peeling Lukas' hand off his body. He leaned to sit on the end of the mattress. "I've never seen you like that, Luke. You've always been the calm and collected one of us."

"Yeah... well, I don't like being lied to by my best friend. I hate to see the people I care about being taken advantage of. Nick... doesn't give a shit about you or your situation. He doesn't care what happens after he gives you those drugs. He's got your money, your loyalty and the chance that you'll return for another hit. He needs _nothing_ else." Lukas tilted his head. "Where's the ones you bought off him today?"

Ben attempted to stare down Lukas, but he wasn't finding himself brave or strong enough to keep this to himself. "In the gym bag."

Lukas swiped the plastic container back, turning around to make his way out of the bedroom. He went into the main apartment, lifting the gym bag. He carried it into the living room, setting it on the coffee table. Lukas plopped down on the couch.

"I'm sorry, Luke." Ben slowly came out of the bedroom, leaning on the wall beside the door.

Lukas cleared his throat. "For what? **You** should be apologizing to **Michael**. Re-introduce him to the boyfriend he's never met. He hasn't even gotten to know the _real_ you. Not the real Ben Bruckner like I do. He deserves _better_... and you know it." He dug through the entire bag until he found every single last one of the vials.

"By the end of this... I may not have Michael any longer."

"Why?" Lukas threw everything he had pulled out back in the bag.

"I already asked Brian for another interview. Soon." Ben wrapped his arms about his body, like he was hugging himself.

Lukas stood up, pointing his finger at Ben. "You... don't deserve Michael. Here I was actually feeling sorry for you." He paced back into his bedroom. "I hope Kinney backs out and Michael dumps your ass." He moved to slip his shoes on, now in search for his jacket. He remembered throwing it somewhere. He had to move one of his packed bags to find it.

"Luke..." Ben leaned on the doorjamb, not quite inside the room anymore.

"What?" Lukas barked, putting his jacket on.

"You seemed to like the idea before. Even cracked a few jokes about the threesome."

"Yeah.. _jokes_. Pure _fantasy_. What you're thinking of doing is borderline torture. Not only for Brian and Michael, but for you, as well. Either you fight for your man or let him go. Don't go half-assed and wishy-washy. Your new plan is plain wrong and obsessive.” Lukas moved out of the room, toward the living room again. “I'm damn sure it's those steroids talking." He sat back on the couch to look over the plastic container of steroid vials and used/new syringes.

"Did you ever think that _**this**_ is simply the way I choose to fight for Michael?"

Lukas furrowed his brow in confusion. "What? By gaining power over Kinney in bed?" He shook his head at the thought. "I'm sorry. I don't see it the way you want me to. You might be pushing them closer together... _even as we speak_."

Ben pushed off from the wall, coming toward the couch. He sat on the arm, facing Lukas. "What do you mean?"

"You changed the dynamics, Jamie. You gave them _something_ they never had before."

"What?"

" _Permission to love_... _to be with one another_. Scratch the 'one night' offer. They're back on even ground again. Their interviews revealed to them every single dirty little secret they've been keeping. Like you've said... you opened Pandora's Box. Chaos has surely begun."

"They looked fine this morning. I saw _nothing_ different. Almost normal."

Lukas stared in absolute wonder and puzzlement. " _Please..._ you have got to be shittin' me!!?? Denying you gave them a sample of what fucking each other would be like... you can't honestly tell me you _**don't**_ think they wouldn't try to be together behind your back?"

"I have to trust in Michael _or else_..." Ben shrugged his shoulders, looking Lukas dead square in the eyes. "... he's been lying to me this whole time, too."

"What _exactly_ are you saying?"

"That, if given the chance, he would drop everything... even me... to be with Brian."

"This isn't recess, Jamie. You're supposed to be the adult in this relationship. You're no better than the fuckin' child on the playground who won't share his toys with everyone else."

"I'm supposed to sit back and let Brian Kinney win? Again?"

"Win? Again? What the fuck are you getting at?"

"Maybe someone finally _needs_ to teach him a lesson."

" _A lesson about_ _ **what**_ _?_ _How to successfully fuck up the greatest relationship you'll ever have? With the one man who would've been anything you ever needed when no one else was around? Done whatever you asked of him to keep you at his side and happy?_ Wait a damn second..." Lukas spun off the couch to stand, facing Ben on the other arm of the couch. "... this sounds so familiar to me." He tapped a finger on his chin. "Well, _by golly_... I could be talkin' 'bout... **Michael**."

"Michael's not as saintly, or innocent, as you'd like to think, Luke."

"So what? Maybe it's not only Kinney you want revenge over. _Do you actually want to punish Michael? You want to degrade Brian... somehow... in front of Michael? And you claim_ _ **that**_ _as some kind of 'lesson' taught?_ "

"No, Luke. That's **not** what I said."

"It's what **I** _heard_." Lukas cleared his throat, he bent to pick up the plastic container. "I'm suddenly... having second thoughts..."

"About?"

"Staying here. Maybe I should go. _Fuck..._ " Lukas sighed, scratching at his stubble. "... maybe I shouldn't even have come in the first place."

"No. What? Luke... why?... don't..."

"I don't need your fucked up bullshit life right now, Jamie."

"Luke... don't go." Ben knew Lukas was heading for the door.

"Nah, I can't stay here anymore."

"Why?"

"I don't know who Benjamin Bruckner is. I thought I did... but I haven't really been able to see much of my old best friend.” Lukas turned to walk toward the front door. “That was why I came here. I needed you, Jamie... and... you failed me..."

"Luke, wait! Don't go. Stay. Tonight, at least, huh? We'll find you a hotel or something close by. We can talk in the morning."

“I'm done talkin'. I'm all talked out.” Lukas let his shoulders sag; his body was feeling really tired, more exhausted than ever. "I've been here almost two weeks and you haven't once asked me why I've come to you."

Ben was slowly strolling closer to Lukas, hoping he didn't fly out the door. "Something about _needing_ me... _needing to talk to your best friend_." He found that his throat felt constricted a bit, his emotions jumbling together.

"Yeah, but that's not even _half_ of my problem. I..." Lukas rubbed a shaking hand over his brow. "I, uh... find myself unable to tell you one damn thing, because... _frankly_... I don't think you'd give a shit. You haven't even been aware of how I _have_ needed you. And it goes beyond our friendship, Jamie." He made a small move as if he was about to approach Ben, but he swiveled back to head to the door. " _I_ _ **have**_ _to leave... I can't_ _ **breathe**_ _in here..._ "

"Luke..." Somehow Ben had managed to catch Lukas' arm, finding his body being plastered to the paneling. Lukas was pinning him to the door, by his biceps. Ben never knew Lukas' slight frame had such hidden strengths.

Both men deeply breathing, green eyes widened on blue... seeking some kind of emotion to instigate a change they were both feeling in their relationship. Ben reached up to cup Lukas' face, realizing he'd never been more turned on in his life by the familiar handsome features. His thumb played over open lips, watching the green eyes shut in agony.

" _Tell me what you_ _ **want**_ _from me? Tell me what to do to get you_ _ **not**_ _to leave?_ "

~~TBC...


	14. Chapter 14

 

"I _can't_ , Jamie..." Lukas dropped his forehead on Ben's jaw, lost in his mind with want. "You don't want me... _not the way I need_ ..." 

Ben felt Lukas drawing away, emotionally and physically. "Wait! I can... just stay. Let's talk. I can give you the rest of the day... and night.” He felt his best friend slipping away, even though he was right in front of him. “I'll call Michael. Whatever he had planned, I'll cancel..."

Lukas lifted his head, mouth hovering over Ben's lips. "... _how about the rest of your life...?_ "

"Huh?"

“Exactly what I was saying before.” Lukas shut his lids. "Let me go, Jamie."

" **No.** "

"I pinned you to this door. Just because you're using steroids doesn't make you..." Lukas spoke too soon. Ben flipped them, pinning Lukas to the paneling. The back of his head cracked on the door in a forceful ricochet. " _... ow..._ " He lightly chuckled.

" _Fuck! I'm sorry._ " Ben bent the head to his chest, rubbing the back of the curls.

"No." Lukas muffled on Ben's chest, raising his head. "No... you're not."

"I'm **not** letting you leave."

"How are you planning to stop me?"

Ben leaned in, his lips heading for Lukas' mouth.

" _Don't._ " Lukas achingly breathed out. "You don't even wanna start that shit with me. _Why does sex always have to be the way you solve problems, Jamie?_ "

"It's _only_ a kiss, Luke."

" _For you, maybe_... but I'm warning you... you kiss me, you could start something you aren't able to finish. We're both at a vulnerable point in our lives..."

"What if... I want it too?"

"You _can't_." Lukas shook his head in disagreement.

" _Why not?_ " Ben rose up a curious eyebrow.

"There's too much other shit going on with you to be pulling this crap with me. Besides... _you kiss me, we kiss_... _you fuck me, we fuck_. I'm getting _something_ out of this that's long term. And I'm **not** sitting on the sidelines twiddling my thumbs, while you dangle Michael over Brian. _You take me... or come to my bed... you better damn well be single with_ _ **no**_ _added baggage_. I don't share with anyone."

"Good to know."

"Thought you'd appreciate the honesty, for once."

"If I let you leave..." Ben grabbed Lukas' jacket lapels, drawing backward. "... promise me you'll come back?"

"I'll return, but it won't be on your time frame."

"Luke..." Ben leaned his brow on Lukas' temple.

"Jamie... we're _done_ here. End of dialogue. Cut scene. End of chapter."

"I feel like I've lost you already." Ben did the right thing and let him go, stepping back from the door.

"You can't."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

Lukas turned the knob, slipping through the door. "I love you too much to completely disappear from your life like that." He reached out to touch Ben's cheek.

"Lukas..."

"I know..." Lukas smirked sadly. "Climatic Cliffhanger... ain't life a bitch?" At that, he shut the door and was gone.

Ben was left utterly speechless and in solitude. How crazy it was to think of this place without Lukas in it. It seemed way too quiet. Even if Lukas was just in the bedroom... Ben hadn't felt so lonely.

Strange how he felt more sadness over Lukas' leaving than the contemplation of losing Michael. He knew he couldn't leave the apartment this afternoon or this evening. Not until he knew Lukas was back, _if he ever did come back_. He picked up the phone to call Red Cape Comics to see if Michael had any plans for them. He simply wasn't in the mood. He hoped Michael wasn't disappointed he was backing out of yet another "date night" for them, in hopes of patching up their relationship.

Lukas was a priority now, he wondered if Michael would understand.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Michael was in his bathroom, obsessing over how to flip his hair in the most dorkiest way possible, when the knock sounded on his front door. " _Come in! Door's open!_ " He knew it would be Brian coming over, so he had left the door unlocked. Emmett had gone out with Ted, double date with the Double Mint Twins. Then they might hit Woody's or Babylon, stressing on the "might". That was if the twins didn't want to go back to Ted's place. Michael sprayed some of his new cologne on, walking into the mist rather than putting it directly on his skin.

The knock sounded again, this time a little harder. Like the knuckle bone hitting wood.

"I said it's... _o-pen!! Come... in!!_ " Michael walked out of his bathroom, standing in the main apartment floor to listen for who could not hear a damn word he was yelling. He approached the door, seeing the shadow under the space between door and floor.

The knock sounded... again. Softer, like caressing the pattern of the wood.

_Okay..._ obviously this was going to be a very interesting introduction or... Brian was playing one of his "games". Usually Brian just walked through, knowing the door was unlocked. Maybe he was restricted in some way in turning the knob, but what would he...? 

"Yes..." Michael crossed his arms over his chest. "Can I help you?"

"Special Delivery... For Michael C. Novotny!" The voice was deep, baritoned, too manly and gruff. Almost as if it was part of Brian's long list of vocal impressions.

"Now... who could have been so kind to have sent me a package this late in the evening?" Michael tapped his chin, walking toward the door to turn the knob. He stepped back from the paneling, wondering what kind of "sight" would greet him.

And... _**OH My LORD**_... what a "sight" it was to behold.

Michael stood unmoving, except his dick growing hard. His jaw dropped, his eyes shifted from top to bottom, then back up to savor his favorite parts. Then the smile slowly leaked out, spreading across blushing features.

_**All** _ _... for him_ . Everything he was looking at... was ALL HIS. 

"Did you order... an 'affair with Brian Kinney'?" Brown eyebrow rose in earnest quandary, hazel eyes at half-mast with intentional seduction involved.

"Uhm... about 20-some odd years ago, but I'll take it if the warranty's still good." Michael teased as he now took a giant step backward to admire the way Brian was dressed.

Brian leaned a forearm on the doorjamb, his body hunched over in a predator pose of _"You want me, don't you? Well, come and get me."_ Unlit cigarette dangled from his pouty lips. His hazel eyes glaring or staring toward Michael. His hair was mussed, spiky about his head. He had no shirt on, letting his long, whipcord torso be on display to open air. Tight leather pants rode low on strong hips, the sight of bare midriff made Michael lick his lips to moistness. The hardness underneath was apparent, the probability of no underwear a sure sign. The leather pants were bunched at the bare ankles and equally bare feet.

"Did you ride all the way over here like **that**?" Michael bit the inside of his cheek. He started to deep breathe, his chest expanding and compressing in arousal.

"No. I undressed in your hallway." Brow furrowed with sorrow. "You don't have very nice neighbors, by the way." Brian shook his head in sadness as he sauntered in, strolling past Michael. "Where do you want your 'package', Mr. Novotny?" He reached inside one of the pockets of the leather pants, to find his lighter. The action caused the material to slide more off Brian's long waistline. A hint of dark pubic hair and flat bone was exposed.

Michael closed his eyes in sweet misery. The musky scent of Brian's cologne was driving him mad on instant inhale. Like it was full of some kind of animal attraction hormone. He stepped outside to spot Brian's pile of clothes taken off. Michael didn't want anyone to steal them. He carried the clothes to the kitchen table, moving to slam the front door shut. "I guess we're not going _directly_ to Babylon... or the Diner for dinner?" He locked the door, showing a thought that they would be staying in for a few hours before heading outdoors. **That**... was fine with Michael. Any way he could have Brian was perfect.

Brian wandered over, puffing on his cigarette, blowing the smoke out the side of his mouth. "You look... _damn fuckable_ , Mikey." He let his hazel eyes devour Michael's mode of dress, inhale the heady scent of his own cologne. He took in the tight... _so tight it looked painted on Michael's torso_... t-shirt. It barely reached the jean waistline, exposing a smidge of naked stomach. The jeans... _oh, jesus..._ the jeans were well-washed, tight as well. So tight they hugged Michael's cock and balls. Brian faltered on his bare feet, reaching out to lean on a dinette chair. He smirked, stepping up to Michael. He drew one bare arm around the tiny waist to pull the lithe body near. He bowed his head to rub his face on the side of Michael's stubble. He felt the hands grab his arms, soothing up and down the sinewy muscles. "Technically, Ben shorted us." He pulled away slightly to stare down at the "look" Michael was attempting with his hair.

"Oh?" Michael tucked both arms under Brian's armpits to slide up the naked back. "How'd you figure that out?"

Brian put the cigarette back in his mouth, letting it hang as he talked. "He stole away the entire night from us." He reached to play with Michael's dark locks, making some semblance of the hair-do he adored seeing for years. "It was... _only_ a few hours." He took the cigarette back out, stuck between index and middle finger of his right hand, as he used his left to design Michael's hair.

"You could have something there." Michael spoke softly, closing his eyes to feeling Brian's fingers on his scalp. Every part of his body was on fire. His neck became loose, moving any which way Brian did. "Evening starts from late afternoon, then flows into night... which would be what... 8-9pm or when the sun sets?"

"When I damn well say the night starts..." Kissing the moving mouth, Brian brought up both arms to rest on Michael's shoulders. "... _how do you feel?_ " He brushed his nose against Michael's nose tip.

"Good. Good." Michael never felt overwhelmed by the smell of cigarette smoke on Brian; it was part of his untamed odor. Leather, smoke, cologne, mint... and then what made Brian... well, _**Brian**_. "I'm a little hungry, but..."

Brian grabbed Michael's chin, forcing him to open his lids and look directly into his eyes. " _ **How... do... you... feel...?**_ " He spoke slower to make sure Michael knew _exactly_ what he was asking. The back of his hand brushed Michael's cheek, tucking wayward curls behind tiny ears.

"Oh... you mean... _the cock ring_?" Michael teased Brian, relentlessly. He knew Brian "got off" on knowing how Michael reacted to his own pleasure

Brian chuckled, only because Michael made it seem like nothing. He reached over to stick the cigarette into the fake moss of the fake flower arrangement on the table. "You still wearing it?" He sent his hands down to play at the crotch of Michael's jeans. It amazed him how thin the denim was, how he could feel the shape of Michael's length. And the pulse beating at its core.

"Yes. I've grown quite... uhm... _attached_ to it." Michael languidly blinked, his body reacting to being touched, even just a small amount by Brian's deft hand.

Brian leaned his forehead on Michael's brow. "I want to see you... _wearing_ _ **it**_... _straddling_ _ **me**_..." He kissed Michael deeply, cheeks meshing.

"I thought you weren't gonna mess with it until Babylon." Michael felt the churning in his body, the craving for Brian that had begun by simply loving him as a young man. Now, his craving was an actual need.

"I'm not taking it off, Michael. It's gonna stay on... while we fool around." Brian lifted a lone eyebrow, dragging Michael by his jean waistband as he wandered backward toward the bedroom. "Does this feel weird to you?" He squinted at Michael, wondering if the same thoughts were running through his mind.

"What..." Michael resisted only a little, loving the idea of Brian walking him to the bedroom. Of course, usually in his mind it was more dramatic, like sweeping him off his feet and into his arms. Almost way too romantic for either of them, but it surely didn't hurt to have dreams. " _... letting you lead me to bed?_ "  
  
Brian rolled his eyes. "No... the fact that we could very well be having sex on your bed. You already said we have a lot of memories on it. I didn't want you to feel awkward... later on..."

Michael stopped in the middle of the walking, yanking Brian close. He started by standing on tip toes to tangle his fingers in Brian's already messy hair. He kissed him... hard and forceful, their breathes and tongues mingling. He pushed Brian to land on one of the double doors, leading into the bedroom. He only had one thing to remove from Brian's body, but somehow he wanted to savor that moment. So he kept Brian pinned to the stained glass, while removing his own t-shirt and starting to undo his jeans.

Brian stopped him. " _Wait... wait... wait..._ " He swallowed a bit nervously, he blinked and tried to find his voice through his fear.

"What?" Michael wrinkled his brow in bewilderment. He wasn't used to seeing Brian act... shy about sex.

"I've got a thing about our privacy now." Brian sent his hands under Michael's chin, to grab the back of his head, locking around the scalp. "We do this in the bedroom, door closed." He brought the small body to his chest, arm secure about Michael's waist, high up on his naked torso. "I'm not taking any chances of someone walking through the front door."

"What about Babylon's backroom?" Michael was intrigued by Brian's admission of being cautious about their sexual encounters. Certainly Babylon would be more public than here in his apartment's living room. He slid down Brian's frame, turning their bodies around so now, Michael walked in first, backward.

" **That**... is your fantasy. Your fetish. The one exception I will honor." Brian allowed Michael to lead him into the bedroom. He paused, letting go of Michael's hand to look down as he slipped off shoes and socks. "Condoms?" He simply wanted to know where they could be found.

Michael smirked, reaching into his jean pocket. "I bought a new box. Lambskin _**and**_ ribbed for my pleasure." He held out the array of condom packets.

Brian stared, mouth agape. "You were gonna bring those to Babylon?" He slowly paced up to Michael, both of them looking at the amount of condoms gathered.

"Well... _yeah_..." Michael secretly smiled, his eyes hesitant to glance up at Brian.

"That's, like, almost the _entire_ box."

"Yeah... I know..."

"Is it the cock ring?" Brian crossed arms over his lower torso, wondering if he should have penciled in more time for them and this second "one night" together.

"No..." Michael sidled up to Brian's bare chest, knocking skin with him. "... it's you. It's always been you that gets me so fuckin' horny." He threw the condom packets on the bed, then pulled out the tube of lubrication from his back pocket. He took the fingertips of one hand, walked Brian around to the end of the bed. He pushed Brian to fall back on the mattress. They chuckled when Brian bounced, trying to avoid falling off the bed from the sheer force of Michael's passion raging through him.

Brian lay back, mostly, ready to do this with Michael. He had to admit... he hoped Michael was prepared for something, but he hadn't expected what he was getting, at all. As usual, Michael undid his leather pants, unzipping him and then sliding the material down his bare legs. Where normally Michael would take his time, a certain gentleness tinging the action, they were tugged off him in a flourish of strength.

Brian let his feet plop on the carpeted floor. He felt Michael return, hands spreading from his upper chest, along his torso and down to his abdomen. The palms smoothed over his hips and thighs, never once touching his stiff erection. It caused him to jolt upright, looking down at exactly what Michael was contemplating to do with him. He should have known, but it didn't hurt to look for his own sanity. 

Michael was undressing, taking his time to pull off his jeans. His underwear was still on, maybe slightly askew on his waist. The thick hardness hidden underneath the soft cotton showed how well the cock ring was working.

" _Oh... my..._ " Brian's hazel eyes darkened with lust. _God Damn... Michael was... uhm..._

"Yeah... I'm, like... _**huge**_..." Michael chuckled, staring down at his most impressive quality today. Certainly gave a bit of a "jolt" in his confidence.

"Mikey..." Brian rose up on his elbows, leaning back his head. He closed his eyes in agony as he felt Michael walk closer to straddle him. The buried length rubbing against Brian's belly, sliding up the center of his chest. "God... I..."

Michael leaned down, planting hands above Brian's head on the mattress. "Am I leaving you speechless?"

"Yes." Brian reached his hands to surround Michael's waist. "Do you want me to...?"

"Suck..." Michael nudge his face with Brian's hair. "... or jerk?"

"Uh... yeah..." Brian grabbed the rounded spheres of Michael's backside.

"Whatever you feel like doing is fine with me." Michael watched Brian's fingers play at the elastic waistband, sinking deep, sliding the fabric along his hips and down his thighs. The second his cock was free, Brian bent his head to lick the tip. Michael nearly came, but held strong. He'd been learning all day how to quell his orgasm. He thrust once into Brian's mouth, feeling the hot moisture envelop his temperate skin. He paused, the sensation of teeth lightly scraping his pulsating flesh almost sent him into orbit. "Yeah... _that's nice..._ " He felt Brian's hands squeeze his rear, somewhere along the way sliding over his crack and then massaging his puckered skin. " _Uhgh... Brian... yes..._ " He mewled, rolling his hips, thrusting in past Brian's expert mouth. He let his ass plunge backward, seeking Brian's fingers, needing the stimulation.

After adding the lube, Brian rid Michael of his underwear, taking him back inside his mouth. Lips slid over increasing heat, generating a pulse that echoed in not only Michael's ears, but Brian's, as well. Brian inserted one finger into Michael, playing around the inner walls. He felt the cock jerk in his mouth. He released him, knowing by now Michael wanted to be fucked so hard he'd forget his own name... and where the hell he was. He gradually joined another finger with his single one, then slowly into three. Each time Michael groaning and crying out for release.

"I want you to cum for me." Brian rose up off his torso, Michael still straddling him, but sitting high. He kissed the open mouth, tongue drinking and lapping at the cries of ecstasy.

"I need you inside me." Michael rushed out in between breathing and kissing Brian.

"I know..." Brian picked up one of the condoms, opening the packet and putting it on in a swifter move than even he thought he could manage. His hands were shaking, his body quaking with desire for Michael, of filling him and cumming inside him. He lifted Michael up, slightly, by his hips. Then slowly lowered him on his throbbing erection. He cried out at the contact, only because the tightness of Michael never changed. As Michael began rolling his hips, he clenched his walls around Brian, milking him for all he had. Brian bent his head to lay on Michael's bare chest. "Fuck yourself on me..." He brought them both to lay down on Brian's back. He plunged in and out of Michael as fast as he could without hurting him. "... I wanna see you cum for me..."

They weren't in tandem yet, only because Michael seemed to be building up to his final climax. He wanted to not only pleasure Brian, but show Brian how much he pleasured him. Brian reached out to rub his hands over Michael's skin, knowing that was the one organ on his body that needed stimulation.

Michael lifted up on two arms, his body weakening and growing strong in spirals. He attempted to counteract Brian's rhythm, meeting his thrusts. They pounded together until Michael felt the intense rapture rising inside his body. He'd felt this way all day, but had been able to curb its completion. Now that Brian was finally here, he could find out just how helpful this cock ring was. Michael rose higher, sitting upright and facing Brian. He focused on the hazel eyes, catching the look of deep want... desire, but mostly the love and affection that never seemed to waver, even during their newfound sexual bond.

Brian latched onto his hips, helping to guide Michael through his actions. Michael began touching himself. His face, his hair, his mouth, his neck, along his collar, around his shoulders, up and down his arms, over his chest, grazing his pert nipples, tickling his belly, falling down his pelvis and over his pubic hair as he stopped at his thighs. He spread them wider, causing Brian to penetrate deeper than before. He felt the shift in his body, the moment when he could finally cum.

Brian knew the moment had arrived, which was why he reached out to gently start stroking Michael to find his release. The first spurt of semen shot out and landed on Brian's chest, up near his left nipple. As if Michael no longer had control over his body's reaction, he began to orgasm on top of each orgasm. Like a Domino Effect. As Brian witnessed Michael literally falling apart in his arms, he ejaculated into the condom tip. This caused Michael to expunge more and more of his own seed. He was, literally, quivering... every pore open and seeping with raging fire.

Brian lifted himself up again, arms wrapping around Michael's body as he rode out his pleasure. "Tighten your legs around me." He gently commanded as he flipped them both over, planting them in a better position on the bed. Much closer to the pillows. Michael on his back, undulating with each climatic surge. Brian tenderly attacked Michael's neck and chest, his cock slip-sliding in quick juts of finding his own end to his orgasms. As he plunged in and out, he felt Michael finally weaken and loosen, letting go of all power in his body. Michael was out of breath, shaking as if he were cold, nestling under Brian's chest.

Their breast bones meshed, their bellies brushing as they attempted to regulate their lung capacity. Michael buried his face in Brian's neck, hugging the naked body to him. He felt so dirty and filthy. Not nearly as ashamed or embarrassed as he thought he'd feel. Only because Brian was caressing him, petting his highly sensitive skin.

Michael felt Brian move to rid Michael of the cock ring. " _No... no... don't..._ leave it." He still wasn't breathing properly. He could feel Brian laying inside him.

"Michael... it served its purpose." Brian looked down at Michael's still hard cock, not really knowing how he could take the ring off without causing Michael some pain. He'd wait until it was more flaccid, but in reality... he wanted it to stay on too.

"I read up on it. It actually helps make me a better lover. I wanna be that... for you." Michael arched back, head on a pillow, his body on alert to Brian's every twitch.

"Jesus... I don't need you to be better than the way you are now." Brian rubbed foreheads with Michael, wiping their sweat together. "You'll fuckin' kill me if you keep trying to improve." He pulled out, ridding himself of the unclean condom. He didn't know if he could stand remaining in Michael without fucking him again. This last orgasm, for both of them, had been enough... for awhile. He rose up to halo Michael's head with his arms. "You... were gorgeous... cumming like that... for me..." He nudged his face with Michael's, lapping up the perspiration with his tongue, as methodically as he could. He added kisses in between licks, while Michael scraped his fingernails over Brian's moist back. "I don't know if we could do anything different at Babylon."

"Me... either..." Michael could feel his body calming down, only because Brian was taming him, relaxing him with his licking and kissing. Sounded gross, but the rough tongue felt nice on his cheek and neck. "But... I think it's a whole... in public/ _"Oh shit, this is where I lose Brian Kinney"_ thing I have in my head. I can't seem to get rid of."

"Those men might have _looked_ like you, but they certainly could never _**be**_ you. Make me feel the way you do." Brian trailed one finger down Michael's right biceps, causing him to weakly extend the arm to end up at his hand. They entwined their fingers, palms meshing. "Now... I'm almost ashamed at what I gave up to let you be happy... or be the kind of 'happy' I thought you were..." Brian rested cheek on cheek, watching their arms and hands play as one. "Can we eat here instead of the Diner? I think I'll be hungry soon, but... I don't want to move from this bed." He situated his body to fit aligned with Michael's. He slunk down to lay his head beside the dark hair on the pillow they would share.

Michael encircled his left arm high around Brian's shoulder blades, cupping his shoulder joint. "You don't have to convince me not to move. Although after a little nap or whatever's overtaking our bodies..." They both sighed with complete exhaustion. "... I'll probably want you again."

"Well... all right..." Brian pouted playfully as he rolled over to reach and grab the remaining quantity of rubbers. He snatched up the lube as well. "The things I do for you." He shook his head at how pathetic he must seem, but how happy he truly did feel to find himself in this position as Michael's lover... _possible partner... or boyfriend... or whatever_ he might turn up being. Scared him to learn he wanted to know exactly what he was to Michael, before the night was through.

Michael was climbing under the comforter, opening the other side of the bed for Brian to crawl into. Brian lay on his right side, Michael inched into the waiting arms. They entangled their legs, wrapping arms about their warm frames. Instead of a pillow, Michael used Brian's right shoulder, snuggling himself tight to Brian's naked skin.

Brian reached up to turn off the bedside lamp, cuddling Michael close. He felt the fingers drawing circles on his skin, his own hand caressing Michael's shoulder and biceps. He sat up high on the pillows, but only for a short amount of time so he could watch Michael fall asleep, his eyes protective and watchful, his touch affectionate and loving. Soon he was bringing his hand up to comb through the back of Michael's head, massaging the scalp. Michael's lids shut, his body lax. A hand on Brian's chest, palm down, was brought over to lay his cheek on. Brian began brushing the front spikes back from Michael's forehead, his hazel eyes filling with some dark emotion of loss. Of knowing what he could have been giving up to any man, not just Ben Bruckner. He tucked his chin to Michael's forehead, kissing the pale, cooling skin. He shut his own eyes, slipping down to lay his head on plushness while he kept his gaze locked on Michael's slumbering features.

And as his own eyes drifted shut, Brian realized how whipped he truly was. That if asked... he would do whatever it took to create a "happy ending" of some sort for them. Whatever they ended up calling themselves. But he didn't like the ominous "ending" attached. Nah... he much rather liked, he and Michael's "happy beginning".

_Yeah... okay... whipped he was... fuckin' romance..._

Blinking rapidly, Brian leaned over to press lip to lip with Michael, not pushing and not even kissing, just resting. "I love you..." He breathed into Michael's mouth, wishing he were awake to reply back.

_Christ..._ how easy those words were to say after so long. Brian watched Michael furrow his brow, eyes fidgeting under pale lids... "Brian..." A tired hand came out to caress Brian's cheek, thumb tracing the full lips. ". _.. love... you..._ " 

That's when Brian lightly pressed their lips together, a feather light mesh. Michael let out the deepest sigh of fulfillment, of happiness... and Brian couldn't have agreed more.

**~~TBC...**


	15. Chapter 15

 

They slept until both of them woke up at the same time. They kissed for endless minutes, hands molding and shaping every curve and crevice of one another's body. They tenderly fondled each other to orgasm, finding their own pleasure one after the other. This time the release was slow, because of the fleeting time together. Plus, watching one another climax was becoming their favorite shared "turn-on". 

Michael would stroke Brian's cock, then caress each individual testicle. He would kiss Brian's lips, licking his neck and collar, ending up somewhere around the rosy nipples. With each jerk of his hand, he'd suckle at the pert nub, his tongue flicking and breath blowing. Brian would arch his back, call out Michael's name and somehow a hand would find Michael's face, rub and caress, tangle in his hair. Michael would venture back to kissing Brian ferociously, brown eyes mesmerized by hazel. In a near "virginal" voice, he would beg and plead in Brian's ear for him to cum. Michael would rather give a handjob, than a blowjob. It's not because he disliked the thought of mouths around dicks, thinking it was disgusting. Mainly he wanted control of his partner. He wanted the strength of his hand to take care of his lover's pleasure, much like the strength of his heart to love with his whole being.

And... blowjobs don't allow much for kissing Brian Kinney's lips.

Brian... would rather give a blowjob, because he thinks handjobs are somewhat lazy. And if the guy doesn't know what he's doing, for either... well, he's got his hands on the right area to hurt a man. Now, Brian took the exception to this rule because Michael had a way of not only making him feel he's cumming like a fucking freight train, but that he's being adored... loved, treasured. Brian likes the dirtiness of sex, the feral burn through bodies that can cause two becoming one to succumb to carnal desires. He'll start from the inner thighs, licking and lapping, inhaling as he reaches the scrotal sac. He isn't sure why, but rimming his partner is almost too filthy for him. He's got better uses for his tongue. Although, if asked nicely, Brian will attempt to hide his displeasure and service his lover.

Michael hasn't asked, Brian would never offer.

Once Brian has attended the testicles, sucking one sphere, then the other... he will lick up the underside of the rock hard cock. It rests stiff on the bed of pubic hair. As he reaches the top, he will quickly milk the domed tip, tasting the pre-cum of his lover's body. He'll use that and hot saliva as lubricant. He's never really calculated how many times he likes to go down on dicks before he'll give up and climb up the rest of the naked body. He's discovered Michael enjoys watching him swallow his length, remaining down there until he knows Michael's about to cum. Brian loves to watch Michael orgasm. As Michael ejaculates, Brian trails his tongue up the bare chest, playing with the dark rosy nipples. He can feel Michael spasming beneath him.

Brian's most favorite part comes next... kissing Michael Novotny's wanton mouth.

They decided they were hungry enough for food to cook, but they would do it nude. Michael always wandered around naked as if he needed a layer of fur, huddling and shivering. His body in tune to drafts in the air. Brian, on the other hand, was like molten fire, walking around as if he could snap his fingers and burst out a flame. Brian did everything possible to keep Michael from freezing, hugging him close to his body. He hovered at his back, rubbing the bony shoulders, kissing the pale cheek and neck. They managed to investigate the fridge enough to find an easy meal to cook in under fifteen minutes.

Michael stood at the stove (naked) with Brian curved around his body (naked), using his two arms to help with the cooking. Obviously... the food almost burned, because not only did they start feeding one another, they kissed awkwardly. Brian bent low, Michael backward over his shoulder. Brian caught the near meltdown, taking over the duty while Michael turned in his arms to nibble at the available neck and collarbone.

The meal was one they could share together, everything on one plate. Brian grabbed a beer, then looked for the flavored teas or a lemonade bottle that Michael liked. Michael picked up the plate, utensil and paper towels. 

If this moment were really them being a couple... they would have chosen to lounge on the couch, watching TV. Brian stretching out first, then Michael laying aligned with him. An afghan or two would be brought down to keep their bodily heat intact.

But now that the "affair" had begun... they couldn't take the chance of someone finding them out. More than anything... it was no one's business what they did. They chose to eat in Michael's bedroom, in the bed. They've done this before, but not after sex. It's new for them, but somehow not weird at all. They actually like this better than the couch because once they finish eating it's back to sex and cuddling. Well... that's really **not** the true reason. They've always loved laying in bed, snuggling close and having hushed conversations, laughing _**a lot**_. Adding sex into the mix was simply a great bonus.

When they woke up again... two hours later... and two more condoms gone from the pile, they showered together. They had showered earlier in the evening in their separate homes, but they feel like they're covered in one another's semen. And although **they** don't mind the lingering scent of sex on each others' skin... they know the public might think differently.

The shower scenario isn't all that sexy. Quite tame. No sex. They realized their second "one night" was winding down to a close the later it became. No... the shower turned into a romantic dance, like the unfolding of their love story. They washed their bodies alone, allowing one another to have time under the spray. But soon they wanted touch and connection. They re-washed their bodies, four hands working. They playfully shampooed one anothers' hair, sculpting ridiculous spikes or outrageously tacky mohawks. Then... they kissed, lingering awhile to take in their essences. They spun to douse them both under the water cascading down their bodies at the same time. Water was turned off, Brian reached for a big towel to dry off Michael. Michael grabbed the same towel to dry off Brian, knowing he's ticklish... this won't last.

Michael began the routine he started hours ago to get ready for Brian. Brian wandered into the bedroom to pick up Michael's discarded clothes, coming back to snatch up his own on the table. Brian walked in, setting the clothing on the toilet seat. He moved away to admire Michael's naked body from the back. He lifted his eyes to catch laughing brown ones in the mirror. He was momentarily stunned to silence. He always wondered about the answer to his one question to his life... and he found the answer. His "purpose"... why he's here ; living, breathing, taking up space...

_It's Michael_ . 

If Brian could wake up each morning and see **that** face... make **that** same look... he knew he'd do whatever it took to keep Michael at his side. Maybe as his partner for life. Brian leaned on the door frame, adoring the sight of Michael's rear and thighs. As Michael swiveled, Brian savored the profile of cock and cock ring. _God Damn..._ _ **that**_... was all his.

Life... was too darn sweet...

Michael only turned halfway around because he knew Brian was staring at him. Michael scrunched his face, not really satisfied with how his hair was being uncooperative. When he'd caught sight of Brian's hazel eyes in the mirror, he blushed and smiled, giggling nervously. Hard to impress the person you're trying to impress when they were standing directly behind you. Michael wasn't truly nervous as much as shy, because Brian's eyes were looking at him in that hungry predatory fashion. Crazy thing was... right now, it was underlined with love and affection.

Early on in his crush for his best friend, Michael knew he'd do anything it took to make Brian Kinney pay attention to him. When that crush grew to lust in high school, Michael felt the hormonal change pelt him every day, like a voice saying _"I hope he notices me like he does other guys"_. The lust grew to deep love and all Michael wanted was three little words from Brian's heart. Now... standing here... looking at Brian Kinney, naked and beautiful in his bathroom... after having two nights of unbelievable sex... Michael realized he felt all three as one combination of an emotion. He had thought he loved, wanted and needed Brian before, but this went way beyond his own imagination. Michael's damn sure this is his purpose... and he's looking right at him, smirking and eyebrow raised in wonder.

_It's Brian._

Michael _is_ supposed to be here... loving, laughing, fucking Brian Kinney until the end of time. He was definite about one thing... he will do anything he can to make this work. To keep Brian as his and his alone. Even defy everyones' advice about how terrible a gamble Brian Kinney is in a committed, monogamous relationship. Michael's got one secret weapon no one else has... that's faith in Brian.

"Need some help?" Brian pushed off the doorjamb, quickly stepping to stand in front of Michael.

"Please..." Michael pouted, his shoulders tired from the hair designing he was doing. "... would you mind?"

"No, Michael." Brian's voice was soft and tender, like a loving boyfriend willing to sacrifice whatever it took to make his partner happy. "I don't mind. I don't mind at all."

As Brian began fixing Michael's hair, like he'd done before, he scraped hands over Michael's face. Michael closed his eyes in sweet ecstasy. He reached out to grip the ledge of the sink. "Don't make it too cool... I don't want anyone else to notice me... _except you_."

Brian chuckled, hazel eyes alight with gentleness. "I don't think it's the hair that makes men reject you."

Michael poked Brian in the ribs. "Thanks a lot!"

"Ow! I don't want anyone else to have you tonight... so I'll try to do something I like more than anybody else."

"You take care of me... so well..."

Brian dropped his eyes to stare into brown. "I do, don't I?"

"Yeah... I like it." Michael tilted up his face for a kiss, Brian obliged.

"There... okay... somewhat cool, yet hip and nerdy..." Brian spun Michael to face the mirror.

"Brian..." Michael rolled his eyes. "That looks how I always look."

"It's what I like, Michael." Brian soothed a palm over Michael's rounded backside, undercupping the ass cheeks to caress away soreness.

"Oh... okay..." Michael shrugged one shoulder, moving to pick up his jeans. "Uh... where's my underwear?"

"Oh... invisible. Like your cape." Brian picked up his leather pants, deftly slipping them on over his long legs and hiding his flaccid cock in the crotch area. He dressed in the rest of his clothes, watching Michael put on what he had planned to wear for the evening. "Can you... uh... wear a different t-shirt?"

"Why?" Michael turned to lean on the sink. When he crossed arms over his torso, grabbing his biceps, the hem drew high up on his stomach.

Brian pointed toward what was happening. "You'll catch cold."

"It'll be hot in the club, Brian. We go from Jeep to Babylon. _What's the point of...?_ " Michael saw the fire in Brian's eyes as he tried not to keeping staring at the bare skin. "Ah... methinks I know why. You think I'm showing too much... belly cleavage?"

"Michael, I..."

"No. No... c'mere... don't walk away." Michael latched onto Brian's arm, sliding him to fit to his body. "Be honest with me... tell me what you feel. I'm not here to judge you. Besides... I think I'll like what I'm about to hear."

Brian looked down at Michael. "I'll give them your arms, just above your neck and maybe your calves, but... letting them see your belly..." He shook his head in utter disgrace with himself. "Shit... I can't believe I'm actually saying this."

" _Wait... wait..._ Stay right here. Lemme go get my old microphone and tape player. I need to record this for posterity... or Guinness. I'm not sure, yet."

Brian snagged a single arm securely about Michael's waist, squeezing him to his chest. "They don't get to look at you like I do."

"Are you... _acting jealous? And possessive?_ " Michael rested his brow on Brian's chin. He'd seen snippets of this in Brian before, but never with this much passion behind the jealousy.

"Uhm... yes..." Brian buried his face in dark hair. "Sorry. I knew it was in me to do and be... when it came to you."

Michael soothed Brian's back. "I really don't mind. I only wanted to wear it for you, when you arrived. I've got another shirt I can wear. No biggie." He quickly kissed Brian's cheek. "Be right back." On the way to his bedroom, Michael peeled the shirt off over his head.

Brian remained in the bathroom, trying to breathe properly. He turned off the bathroom light and exited the area into the rest of the apartment. He picked up his leather jacket, swinging it around to put on. He moved to Michael's makeshift closet, picking out a thicker coat for Michael to wear. He had it in his hands as Michael came out of his bedroom, closing the one open double door. Brian bit his bottom lip to see what Michael had traded for the other t-shirt. This one was even more tight, but covered the flat stomach. The problem was it was a dark color and still looked painted on Michael's torso. He could even detect the pert nipples. He held up the coat for Michael to slip into, with his help. He let Michael do the rest with zippers and closings.

Michael pocketed his apartment keys. "Want me to drive?"

They walked beside one another down the hallway to the stairwell. Michael jumped down first, walking much faster than Brian's purposeful steps.

"Nah... I'm okay... the beer I had at dinner wore off..."

When Michael reached the first floor, he stayed on the glass front door in the apartment complex's foyer. "The sex had to help." He leaned on the door handlebar, pushing it open.

Brian was slightly taken aback by Michael's quick comment, as if this was really happening for them. "Uh... _yeah... in more ways than one..._ " He didn't take any meaning in Michael holding the door open for him, something he usually did when he was excitable. " _Jesus..._ "

As they began to walk toward Brian's Jeep, Michael leaned into Brian's warmth. "What? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. _Something_." Brian unlocked the Jeep from a distance. “I might tell you later when I understand it myself.” He opened Michael's passenger door for him.

Michael had kept his hands in his pockets but drew them out to caress Brian's cheek. "Hey... Babylon is old familiar ground for us. No one pays attention to me, except when I'm with you. So... we do the dancing thing together... we act like we went our separate ways. No one'll know."

"Someone _will_... I _feel_ it."

"Then... that someone..." Michael smiled, climbing inside the Jeep. He seated himself down and buckled in. "... _must be killed_." He said it in a very secret agent/hitman voice, without cracking one bit of laughter. He was more than serious.

Brian shut the door, leaning over the window ledge. "You're lying, right? Yanking my chain?" He didn't like the fact Michael wouldn't look directly at him. He'd never seen Michael have such a passionate violence for their relationship. Michael didn't scare him, but the possibility of Michael "killing" anyone for him... _well, yeah... it kind of made him horny._

Michael stared straight ahead, through the windshield. "I don't 'yank' lightly over this, Brian. No one is fuckin' with my fantasy." His nice smile had disappeared.

Brian chuckled, climbing in on the driver's side. "Daaaa-yum, Mikey... you're a little spitfire." He rubbed his index finger down Michael's flushed cheek. He started the Jeep's engine, letting it warm up as he turned on the heater. He was slightly relieved when Michael broke out of his blank stare to turn a little in his seat to face him.

"No... see... here's what I'm thinking..." Michael plastered himself on the door frame to look at Brian's smiling features. "I've left you alone in this world, for almost 20yrs. I let guys fuck you and have you in every way I could only dream of. None of them... _not one of them_ saw in you what I do... every damn day of my life. So you know what... _screw... them!!_ " He didn't know if he liked the way Brian grinned, almost as if he'd known Michael would get this way once they had decided to actually involve sex between them. Was this how Brian felt about him? "Now that I have you... I'm not going back to the way we were. And more than anything the entire lot of Liberty Avenue can kiss my white ass! They just lost you... you're 'off the market'. Got it, Kinney!"

Brian couldn't stop laughing as he leaned over to kiss Michael on the lips. "Yes, Michael. This is your night... our second 'one night'. Whatever your devilish heart desires."

"You..." Michael pushed against Brian's lips, feeling his new found libido churning to possess Brian in front of God & Country... oh, and everyone in Babylon tonight. "... just you... only you..." Even as Brian tried to pull away back in his own seat to drive away, Michael was still attached.

Brian was a tad shocked by Michael's ferocious nature, never having seen it unless he was backed into a wall. This was certainly coming out for one reason alone. It was who Michael was now... and Brian couldn't have wanted this to happen more if he planned it in advance. "Well, then... happy to fulfill your every wish..." He drove away from the curb, his hand shifting gears on the floor. He always kept his hand there, but this time he wanted to touch Michael. He placed his palm on Michael's upper thigh, fingers tucked along the inseam of the tight jeans. He could feel Michael pulsating through the denim. _Holy Shit..._ he tried to recall how many condoms they were bringing with them, but then recalled Babylon had some on the bars.

After awhile, Michael did place his own hand over Brian's, but grasped the shape like he was holding his hand. He wanted to go on touching Brian. He really wanted to do this without the "audience" constantly wishing to watch them... like they were on display. Some kind of freak show. He really wanted to tell Brian to turn around, take them back to his apartment or drive to Brian's loft.

Either way... Babylon wasn't looking so fun anymore. This was almost as difficult to think about than last night, with Ben. How was that possible?

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben was in the shower when he heard Lukas finally return. The noises sounded, the slam of one door, Lukas hitting pieces of furniture in the dark, then the slam of a second door. Ben stopped for a minute, turning off the shower knobs, making sure he wasn't going to get any surprise visitors in his bathroom. He switched the water back on, finishing up his shower. He would check in on Lukas shortly, but he'd allow a few more minutes to pass, taking care of his own things before bed. Towel around his waist, hand towel used to dry his short hair, Ben walked over to his dresser, finding the clothes he usually wore to bed. Fleece gym shorts, crisp white cotton t-shirt and his flannel robe.

He wandered over to his writing desk, intent on catching up on his fake journals and his thesis. He put on his glasses to peruse his legal pad notes, organizing them into some order so he could write from them later on. He took out the smaller notebook of the series of questions he hadn't gotten to ask Brian and Michael last night. He highlighted the ones that seemed most pertinent to him. As he was emptying his satchel, he noticed the video card from his camera that sat in its plastic carrying case. The footage he'd filmed last night of Brian and Michael's interviews and then the three hours of sex he'd given them. He sat back in his chair, rubbing at his brow. He almost couldn't believe it had happened only last night. Maybe he was so caught up in what was going on with Lukas that he really couldn't deal with his other problems right now.

Ben should be watching the filmed interviews to pick up on things he had seen or paid attention to, but he couldn't find the motivation to even try. The computer he used was in his office. It was a good excuse to use to not look. He realized he could watch it all on his camera, but for the first time in three months his mind wasn't on Brian or Michael. He was focusing his attentions on Lukas. He hadn't forgotten their near-kiss or the words out of Lukas' mouth. He wanted to understand what Lukas meant or if he had come to the right conclusion to what Lukas meant before he left this afternoon. He would backlog those awkward, sexualized moments until he could find out why his best friend came home in the first place. He knew it couldn't be because of the ex-boyfriend, Connor. Nor the loss of his almost-husband, Daniel. It wasn't even because of his father. Lukas hadn't truly missed home since college and it wasn't the reason he was here, either. He hadn't stepped one foot outside the apartment unless asked by Ben. This could only mean one thing... the problem affecting Lukas was... Lukas, himself.

He strolled out of his bedroom, tightening his robe's belt, heading toward the direction of the guest bedroom where Lukas stayed. Again, though Lukas shut the door, it wasn't closed all the way. Ben knocked softly, peeking his head around the paneling. The bedroom was dark, save for the light pouring from the lone window next to the tall dresser. Lukas was asleep, passed out face down on the bed. He managed to make a mess without even realizing, exhaustion overcoming his body.

The first thing Ben did was to gather all of Lukas' luggage, setting it off in one corner. It had been scattered on the floor and bed before he straightened it up. He saw that Lukas had one shoe on, one off. He took the one still remaining on off, pulling the socks too. He set them to the side, near the bench seat. Next, he tugged away the jacket that hung off one arm, Lukas never felt the disturbance. Ben attempted to lift and shift the dead weight to lay in a much more comfortable position on the mattress.

Lukas shuddered awake, Ben bent low to console Lukas. " _Ssshhh..._ I'm only trying to help you get in bed."

" _Danny...?_ " Lukas couldn't focus his eyes, nor his brain, in the dark.

Ben pursed his lips, brushing the curly bangs back from the furrowed brow. "No, Luke... it's Ben..." He blinked his eyes, ashamed at being jealous of someone he hadn't ever met. "... it's Jamie."

" _Jamie?_ " Lukas fell back down on to the pillows. "Oh, shit... for a sec'nd you... _fuck..._ " He brought a hand up to rub at his chest. "... you _sounded_ like Danny. Same shape in the dark... an' stuff..." He was too far gone to elaborate.

"Do you need me to undress you?" Ben crossed arms over his chest.

"Nah... I'm good. Thanks." Lukas was out cold, softly snoring.

Ben bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a smile. He was trying to keep his frustrations in check. He was able to roll Lukas onto his back, lifting the hem of the worn t-shirt up the bare chest. The material came off with ease. He pulled back the covers, wanting to shove Lukas under them. As he managed to maneuver Lukas beneath them, the necklace he'd been frantically searching for earlier fell out of one of the jean pockets. Ben glanced down at Lukas, eyes drifting over the soft mat of dark blond chest hair. He might love the smoothness of men's skin, but he found chest hair quite erotic. He sat down on the side of the bed, hip against Lukas' hip. He reached out to lightly sift his fingers through the curls on the upper chest, caressing the bare flesh underneath. 

Lukas inhaled a deep shot of air, then exhaled on a long breath through his nostrils. His head was turned to the right, he tried to burrow his face into his shoulder and a pillow.

Ben admired the healthy body... the tight abdominal wall where a light spattering of hair tapered down to disappear into the thick waist under the waistband of the jeans. There was nothing ever "tiny" about Lukas. Ben ran the back of his hand over the tanned skin of the stomach. The move made Lukas fidget and turn to lay on his right side, facing Ben's body. His cheek buried fully into the plushness of the pillows. Ben slid up further, Lukas' chest curved about his hip.

He always found the blond curls on top of Lukas' head tempting to touch. Ben had the freedom to comb his fingers through them all he wanted, which he did. Lukas never moved, but his breathing became labored and heavy. Ben had no idea what to do next, besides crawl into the empty space behind Lukas' slumbering body. But Lukas didn't want him in his bed unless things in his life took a drastic change. Leaving was Ben's best bet.

As Ben got up to go, he found the necklace and pendant laying in the twisted comforter. He picked it up to make sure Lukas didn't lose it again. Ben had it in his hand ready to put it on the night stand when he looked at the medallion closer. _"... at a time."_ was on the side he read, then he turned it to see, _"One moment..."_

 _"One moment... at a time."_ was the complete quote.

To Ben, the gold pendant looked like one of those chips they gave you at AA meetings when a member surpassed a specific point of the twelve-step program. The ones he knew of said something like " _ **30days sober - One day at a time**_ "... something cheesy/corny like that. It was a nice sentiment, but he wondered why Lukas felt it meant so much to his life.

As Ben turned to leave, he sensed a tightness around his dangling wrist.

Lukas had woken himself up, snatching Ben's arm. " _Don't_... _don't go_..."

"Luke... I'm not..."

Lukas sighed, closing his eyes. "Don't care. It's been so long since someone has simply held me in their arms... letting me fall asleep..." He could tell that Ben was hesitant. "I promise not to jump your bones... _this time_..."

"That's not what's worrying me." Ben turned to fully face Lukas, looking down at him on the bed.

"What's bothering you, then?"

"What about the... uh, earlier, before you left? We almost kissed. You said some things that I can't... Something happened..."

"Yeah, Jamie." Lukas smirked, opening his eyes to glance up at Ben towering above him. “It's called chemistry.” He felt his heart begin to race.

"But we... we've been best friends for so long. _My family_ and _your family..._ we all know one another and get along. We..." Ben had no thought to what point he was trying to make. He wasn't making much sense to himself.

"Christ!" Lukas rose up to one elbow. "It was an 'almost' kiss... _not a declaration of love..._ " He paused, realizing that he _had_ made such a comment on his way out the door. "... _uhm, scratch that..._ I didn't ask for your hand in marriage."

Ben shook his head, watching how Lukas was moving his hand around his wrist. "I don't understand this..."

"This... _what_?"

Ben moved to sit on the bed again, making Lukas shuffle over. "I've got these memories of you, from the past. _Good memories_. I had feelings for you back then, but never acted on the emotions. The way you were with me, I took it to mean you didn't _want_ me. Since then, we've built this relationship to be _only_ friends, no matter how close we got. We don't see one another for a year or more and..." He had to look away to gather what he wanted to say next.

" _And what?_ "

Ben turned to stare down at Lukas. The hand was now resting on his forearm, placed on his bent knee. "I'm getting those 'feelings' again... _for you_. The ones I hid away to protect myself." He reached out to brush his fingers through the wayward curls. "I've got 11yrs of our friendship inside me, yet... I'm finding there's things about you you've never let me see. And... I want in." His hand slid down Lukas' cheek, the green eyes closed. "Not because I'm nosy or curious, but I'm not sure if what I feel for you can simply go away again. And if it did change... would we lose sight of who we are or what we are together?"

Lukas blinked up at Ben's intense blue gaze. "Are you scared of losing me, if I leave tomorrow?"

"No." Ben shook his head, leaning down close to Lukas' face. "What does scare me... is possibly letting the best thing in my life walk away without attempting to discover what it is that sits here... between us..." He shifted his hand between their chests. "Because... it's no longer simply being each others' family and close friends..."

Lukas hefted himself up, his face even with Ben's. "Do you love me?"

"What?"

Lukas actually chuckled, leaning his head back. "Simple question, Jamie. A 'yes' or a 'no'." He brought his hand up to cup Ben's cheek, his thumb rubbing over the sweating upper lip. It kind of tickled him to be unsettling Mr. Unshakable Ben Bruckner.

Ben was momentarily stunned into silence. He had asked both Brian and Michael this question last night about one another; Michael had told Brian exactly what Lukas had spoken. He felt chilled to have the question turned around back to him.

Lukas could see the shock in Ben's face, the fright in his wide eyes. "Jamie... what... _what's wrong_?"

“I don't really know.” Ben blinked, clearing his throat. "But I think I just got a taste of my own medicine."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Not important."

Lukas nodded his head in agreement, leaning his temple on Ben's jaw. "Not to be rude or anything... I realize we _need_ to talk, but if I don't get some shut-eye in the next ten minutes... you'll be liable to lose me." He lifted his head, flashing one of his charming smiles at Ben. "I don't like nodding off during conversations, especially if you talk about me or say something important."

Ben snickered, gesturing with his head. "Scoot over." He stood up, undoing his bathrobe belt.

Lukas fluttered his lashes up at Ben. "Didja ever think... maybe... this was _**my**_ side of the bed?"

"Luke, you sleep in the center or you're all over the mattress. You have no side."

"Ah... you've always seen me alone in bed. Not when I'm sharing it with a nice, warm body. Then I have a side."

"Fine." Ben brought his robe over to lay it at the foot of the bed, walking around to the left side.

" _Awww..._ " Lukas chuckled, watching Ben stomp around in his bare feet. "Stop grumbling. I was only pulling your leg." He hopped to the left side as Ben rounded the corner of the bed frame. Blue eyes flashed such anger, with a hint of a smirk. Ben turned to pace toward the right side of the bed, so Lukas shuffled over to the right side. Ben hadn't completed the turn when he noticed what Lukas had done. He stepped high onto the bench, hefted his tall frame up and climbed onto the mattress from this direction. Ben had both feet planted dead center on the bed. Lukas was relaxing on his elbows, dead center, as well. He crooked his head to gaze up at Ben's fiery glare. "My... you look taller in bed, Jamie."

" _Scoot. Over._ " Ben commanded again, waiting for Lukas to make a final decision.

"Where?"

"Don't care. Wherever I'm not." Ben shrugged his shoulders, hands on hips. "I could just lay on you the whole night, if you won't choose in the next few seconds."

"Sounds good to me, but how about we do ' _rock, paper, scissors_ '?"

"I thought you were tired." Ben fell to his knees, still seated at the end of the bed.

Lukas yawned, patting his mouth. "I am. But... I've got Benjamin Bruckner in my bed." He petted himself on the back. "I'm awful proud of myself."

Ben quirked an eyebrow up in curiosity. "Why?"

Lukas sat up, bending his knees. He wrapped his arms around his kneecaps. "Well... you think you're the second coming of Brian Kinney. Once you take over his title of King of Liberty Avenue... I'm standing in line to be your first 'notch'."

Ben snickered, shaking his head at how **not** funny Lukas could be. "Go to sleep, Luke." He figured he'd crawl into one side and let Lukas slide on over.

"Wow! Look at you..." Lukas put a delicate hand to his throat. "All manly... forceful and demanding of me. I don't know why, but I'm feeling this need to take off all my clothes. Maybe only my jeans..." He did exactly that, chucking them off the bed. "Boy, Jamie... it's like a virus took over me..." He wiped at his skin as if he was profusely sweating. "... or a fever. Is this what it looks like when Kinney turns into the Gay Succubus? Wait... wait... does he brainwash men or is his sperm filled with tiny microchips?"

Ben smacked Lukas with a pillow. "Stop laughing at my expense."

"You... are so easy. In more ways the one."

"Luke..." Ben was attempting to settle under the covers.

"I know... I know... going to sleep. When did you get so boring, Jamie?"

"Don't you know... I've always been a snore-fest."

"No, I didn't know. I'm so sorry. Now that I do know... can you read me a bedtime story?"

"Luke..."

"Okay. Fine. Shutting up."

"You can be the most talkative tired person." Ben took off his wire framed glasses, setting them on the nightstand.

"It's a talent I've perfected."

They both lay on their backs, under the comforter and blankets.

"Luke..."

"What?"

Ben flipped over on his left side. "Did I really _fail_ you?"

**~~TBC...**


	16. Chapter 16

 

Lukas closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't said what he did before he left. “No. It felt that way.” He rolled onto his stomach. "I haven't been as open and honest with you as I hoped I would be.” He bunched a pillow under his cheek. “I had all this conversation in my head, but I get here... I see you... and I got scared and clammed up. I know you have your own life and stuff to work through. It's a sure thing you would never have known anything was wrong with me had I not said a word." 

"Will you?" Ben scrunched down on his own pillow.

" _What?_ "

"Tell me?"

"Yes. Eventually."

Ben slid over, coming as near as he could without touching any of Lukas' body parts. That is if he didn't reach out. He did, though, innocently cupping Lukas' shoulder joint. The skin was warm, soft. He realized how long it had been since he and Michael had sex. Ben wasn't _horny_... he was highly aware of Lukas. The situation was heightened, the emotions ran deep; the dark was making things private and sensual and being in bed with Lukas was very stimulating. Ben's hand moved the material of the comforter down further on Lukas' naked back.

Lukas nuzzled the pillow, he possibly inched over more toward Ben. Their legs now touched. He felt the tentative caress on his skin. Lukas was more than horny, by now. He'd been fighting with emotions since he'd arrived a few weeks ago. And he had finally come to a conclusion that he'd never truly gotten rid of his dormant feelings for Ben. Hadn't shorted his love for Danny any. This was one of Lukas' biggest revelations and one of the main reasons why he was in Pittsburgh.

The longer the touching of his skin was allowed, the more daring Ben became. He bent low to brush lips over the tan flesh, tasting salt and musky scents. As his mouth played over the skin, Lukas turned on his left side. Ben's hand went to slide over the rib cage, circling the chest. He let his lips take a leisurely trail down the curved spine to the lumbar portion of the back. Lukas sucked in a breath as he felt Ben's hand stop at the waistband of his underwear.

Ben went no further, having listened to what Lukas said earlier. Ben still loved Michael, wanted to rebuild whatever they had lost. The idea for the threesome was something Ben couldn't forget easily. He, too, didn't think it was fair to complicate Lukas' life with all his own problems. “I'm sorry. You were right.” He returned back up the spine to nuzzle his face in the side of Lukas' neck and shoulder. "Once we do anything, it's going to escalate into something more."

"Does that _scare_ you?" Lukas asked in a hushed tone. All sense of joking gone.

"Yes."

"Do you _want_ it to happen?"

"Yes. More than I should." Ben leaned his brow between Lukas' shoulder blades. "I love Michael."

Lukas was thankful Ben couldn't see his face or his eyes. The darkness protected him well. "You never answered my question."

"Which was?"

"Do you... love me?"

Ben hesitated because he was realizing something quite profound. All this time of ridiculing Michael, brushing off his explanations as empty appeasement... and Ben was feeling the same exact way. He wrapped both arms securely about Lukas' frame, pulling him to his chest. He tucked his face over Lukas' right shoulder, nudging then settling his cheek on Lukas' rough stubble. "I'm not sure I ever stopped, Luke."

Lukas let out a strangled chuckle, closing his eyes in sweet misery. He lay his arm with Ben's around himself. He took possession of one of Ben's hands to guide him. He was showing Ben what he wanted, what he needed, at _this very moment_. Once they reached the elastic waistband, he knew Ben would know what to do next. Lukas whimpered softly against the pillow as he felt the strong hand sift through the pubic hair then grab his throbbing erection. He instinctively pushed backward, feeling Ben's own length on his bottom.

The strokes weren't fast or rough, they were gentle and long-lasting. They were so good they made Lukas clutch at the sheets. He admitted he liked the raunchiness of masturbating through clothes, but he was beginning to feel like he didn't want any barriers between his skin and Ben.

Ben watched Lukas pull away to take off the last piece of clothing before he was completely nude. Ben lifted his torso up to grab the hem of his t-shirt, yanking it off his body. He didn't have time to mess with his underwear and gym shorts, Lukas had pushed him over to lay on his back, straddling him. Ben rose up, his immediate reaction was to do everything possible to protect Lukas from getting infected by him. "Luke, I'm not sure if they're any condoms in this room."

Lukas soothed Ben's shoulders, rubbing down his muscular arms. "There weren't any. I have some with me, in my bag... _somewhere_." He stared down into frantic blue eyes. He cupped Ben's face from under his chin. "I know what you're doing, Jamie. I'm touched you care for me that much, but... I do know how to have safe sex with an HIV Poz guy."

"I'm just..." Ben quickly hugged Lukas to his naked chest, his cheek pressed to the chest hair. "... if something should happen to you _because of me_... I'd..."

Lukas soothed the back of Ben's neck, hooking an arm about the huge expanse of shoulders. "Got it. Understand. Please don't be this paranoid every time."

"I'm sorry." Ben pulled away, looking up at Lukas' darkening green gaze. He loved the way the hands caressed his face and scalp. "Did I kill your 'buzz'?"

"No... wanna see for yourself?" Lukas squeezed their bodies together, thrusting his groin into Ben's stomach. The contact was near lethal. He moaned out his pleasure, burying his face in Ben's hair. " _...ogh... god... yeah..._ "

Ben did glance down, between their bodies, to see Lukas' erection. "Impressive." One hand lay just on the upper curve to Lukas' backside.

"Why... _thank you_..."

"I meant... keeping your hard-on."

"I know... still... _thank you_." Lukas leaned down to crawl on his hands, forcing Ben to lay down on his back. "Now... finish what you started... so I can go to sleep..." He hovered around Ben's mouth, slipping to his neck, moving over the right shoulder.

"Oh... so romantic..."

"It's **me** , Jamie. You know I don't **do** romance."

"What _are_ we doing?" Both of Ben's hands cupped Lukas' rear, sliding down the backs of his thick thighs.

"I don't know about you. I plan on having an orgasm soon. _With or without you._ " Lukas laughed along with Ben as he watched the eyes crinkle with humor. It was almost the laugh Ben reserved for only him, almost. "Then I'm going to sleep. You can join me in any of those tasks, if you like."

"What if I need **you**?"

"But, Jamie... you're Superman... you don't _**need**_ _anybody_. Especially me."

Ben went quiet, contemplative. Hurt. "Luke... don't joke like that."

“Why not? It's true.” Luke planted a hand on either side of Ben's head, looking intently into his eyes. "How much of your HIV Poz life have you let Michael in on?"

Ben shut his eyes, knowing if Lukas knew how much Michael _didn't_ know then it would be yet another reason to preach to him. "That's not important."

"Oh... right. Don't bother him, because what does he care if he falls asleep one night and wakes up to learn the meds aren't working or they've counteracted each other putting you in the ER? You'll only be dead or close to death." Lukas grabbed Ben's chin making him look directly at him. "He _loves_ you... he's your boyfriend... and he wants to build a life with you. _Why is there a need to keep secrets?_ You know he knows exactly what you're going through. _Why keep him in the dark with your sickness?_ "

Ben glanced away, sighing. "Vic's... his case is **not** the same as mine. Vic isn't like me. He deals with his disease in a different manner..."

"Again... with this fuckin' superhero act. _Do you think this impresses Michael? Or men in general? Or does it make you feel all superior to know just a little bit more than your younger boyfriends?_ "

Ben removed his hands to stretch his arms out from his sides. "I'm not keeping quiet to make him feel ignorant."

" _Then why not let him help you?_ Because when you do get sick... _like Danny eventually did with me_... _guess who's fuckin' left to take care of you?"_ Lukas moved to pick up Ben's wrists and pinned them above his head on the pillows. " _Always gotta be the tough guy, huh?_ Love who you want, don't let anybody too close or they'll get burned."

Ben wasn't struggling, he simply didn't like it when Lukas did this... spoke truths directly to his face. His honesty almost reminded him of Brian. It frightened Ben to realize how much he had depended on this in his life years ago. It made sense now why Michael was with Brian all these years. "I can't... I won't... I already feel out of control since being diagnosed. I have to have one aspect of my life that's my own."

"You... are warped. You're also a liar and a hypocrite."

Ben hated it when Lukas called him names. It was why he never fathomed Lukas liking him or being attracted to him if he found so many faults to dislike. But then again... Lukas pointed them out, but he also knew how to curb them and control them to make Ben look halfway human. "How so?"

" _One_ aspect? Jamie... you've been hiding this research on Brian for three months. You just _now_ told Michael about your job situation."

"How am I a hypocrite?"

"Brian and Michael. **That** was the one thing Michael had apart from you that you _couldn't_ touch. But you wanted _**in**_. You wanted to understand him and his love for Kinney."

Ben began to fight a little to be released from Lukas' grip. "My illness is far more important than Brian being in Michael's life."

"For **you** , maybe. But for **Michael**..." Lukas shook his head in sadness. "... not so. You've messed around in the one place in Michael's life that was off limits. And you won't leave it alone." He loosened his clutch, slightly, pushing up. "I won't be surprised if Michael's gonna turn out to be more different than you thought. And... solely supportive on Brian's side."

"Right now..." Ben suddenly flipped them over, landing Lukas on his back, naked and defenseless. "... neither of them are on my mind." He settled between Lukas' thighs, feeling them spread wide. “I can't think about Michael at this point.”

"Why... not...?" Lukas was a little shocked by Ben's aggressive behavior in bed. He didn't look like a man who had rough sex or liked it. Though the way he was acting now it sure made the idea cross his mind. Lukas hadn't once lost his stiffness, in fact he'd gotten harder as he talked more with Ben. He could even feel Ben's cock rubbing against his groin through the thin clothing.

"I'm not leaving you... _this bed_... _this apartment_... until you tell me what's wrong. Why you're here. Why you need me."

Lukas kept his own hands by his head, thrusting up to meet Ben. "Doesn't mean I can't leave you." He didn't know why he kept regretting those kind of admissions, because they made Ben look so hurt and guilty. But this time, there was a new fire behind Ben's blue eyes.

"That's... gonna be a problem." 

"Oh? Why?"

"Because..." Ben tucked both arms around Lukas' body from underneath his back. "... there's no way I'm letting you go, now." He bent to attack Lukas' long neck, sliding up behind his ear.

"... ugh... Jamie..." Lukas brought up his hands to cup Ben's shoulders, then slid them down the long muscular back. He hooked one leg around Ben's leg.

" _... say my name..._ " Ben trailed kisses down Lukas' chest, nuzzling the soft chest hairs.

"I just did."

"No. That's your name for me. Say my full first name."

Lukas blinked slowly, staring up at the ceiling. "Why?"

"I wanna hear it." Ben moved to a dark pink nipple, licked the nib and blew on it.

"Uh... it's a mouthful..."

Ben smirked, and lightly snickered. " **That**... was a loaded comment, if I ever heard one." He went to the other nipple, giving it the same attention as the first.

"Jamie..." Lukas discovered for every wrong name he said, Ben would grind his hips against him. Not only that... he was kissing down his chest, rubbing his nose over his skin. Lukas would let out a long moan of pleasure after every thrust. He tried to think of all the wrong names he could say before he got to the one Ben wanted to hear. " _... Ben... ughah... Benji... ugh-gah... yes..._ " That one got two thrusts, only because it grated Ben's nerves to hear it. " _... Ben-Jah-Man... ughagh..._ " And one last one for good measure. " _... Been Jammin!_ "

“You still remember **that**?” Ben paused looking down at Lukas. "I _hated_ **it**. So lame."

“We were drunk... bored...” Lukas shrugged, coming up with the best explanation he could. "… and maybe high... and _really bored_. Hard to recall when you keep kissing my chest and thrusting at me like this."

"You like it? I'll keep doing it."

"Take off the rest of your clothes."

Ben went quiet and still. "No... I'm not. Not now, I'm not ready."

Lukas brought his hands up to cup Ben's worried face. "Neither am I. I only need the contact of your skin." He soothed the back of his hand over Ben's smooth cheek then down his neck to his chest. "... feel how hard you are for me..." At that, he felt Ben roll his hips down. "... let you feel me... how my body..." He lifted his head slightly, lips on Ben's bottom lip. "... trembles for your touch..." Ben let his forehead rest on his brow. "... how simply hearing your voice... looking at you and your eyes... can make me cum..."

"Luke..." Ben closed his eyes, wanting to savor every word out of Lukas' mouth. He wasn't really asking for much, but it was enough to start something between them.

"No sex. No penetration... and no fears you'll infect me."

"But I... Michael... he..."

"If you still believe Michael isn't with Brian, _as we speak_... then you deserve to get your heart broken and stepped on. You gave them a night they wouldn't ever forget. You aren't on the best speaking terms with Michael. And you canceled out on him to be with me tonight. You said it yourself, Michael's no saint. I know where I'd be if I was him. But I'm not him... _I'm me_... and my wish is to be here... _with you_. I'm taking advantage of the moments I **do** get, while I'm still here."

"I thought you only wanted me to come to your bed without attachments and baggage?"

"I may have been hasty in that decision. I... don't want to completely lose my place by your side."

"You can't. You won't. Ever."

"Besides... I have a keen feeling about that threesome when or if it should happen."

"Oh? What?"

"I'm sorry." Lukas shook his head pouting. "Can't tell you that. It's the one thing in my life I have as my own that I can control. You can't know all my secrets."

"Fine. You'll tell me eventually. You're too cocky for your own good."

"Speaking... of cocks..."

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Brian walked slower to allow Michael to catch up with him as they parked and left the Jeep. The usual waiting in line to get into Babylon was in their sights. Michael almost kept one step behind, off to Brian's right. They could hear the muffled "thumpa-thumpa" in the distance. Brian crept along the alleyway as they reached the end of the line, standing behind a group of four young gay men. Looked as if this might be their first time here or they'd only been a couple of times in the last few months.

Rural out-of-towners. Young men who lived within a fifty mile radius and had heard from friends or the gay gossip circuit that Liberty Avenue, in Pittsburgh, Pa... was every young homo's dream come true. They _had_ to go to Babylon simply to have the experience.

The air was growing chilly. When people spoke, you could see the fog from the heat of their mouth. When they went on conversing, they were shivering so much their teeth chattered.

Brian smiled as he moved up the line, because Michael did this " _ **I gotta pee**_ " dance to keep warm. He tapped out a cigarette, being silly in offering Michael one from the carton. Michael made a sick face, shaking his head. He moved up to huddle near Brian's back, hoping to gain some heat by simply standing next to him. His hands were tucked in his jacket pockets. At one point, the line didn't move for more than six minutes, so they were at a stand still. Brian went to lean his back on the brick wall. Michael wandered over, hunching over to settle at Brian's front. His head kept lowering more and more toward Brian's chest.  
Brian put his cigarette in his mouth, wrapping his arm about Michael's shoulders, snuggling the tiny body close to his frame. He kept both hands free so he could rub some heat into Michael's biceps and back. After awhile, Michael rested his cheek on Brian's chest, the leather smell trapping him. Plus the harder Brian rubbed him, warmth and lust grew. Brian curled his head up and over Michael's head, keeping him under his chin.

They didn't talk much, only because _what more could they say right now?_ They knew what would happen and truly they wanted private conversations saved for when they were really alone. If they were quiet enough, they could faintly hear the discussion going on in front of them.

Boy 1 : **"Check out the hotties behind us... seven o'clock..."**

Boy 2 : _"Don't look!"_

Boy 3 : _"Well... what do I do when he says 'check out'?"_

Boy 4 : _"Oh... my... yes... nice, nice... even as a pair."_

Boy 3 : _"I hope they all look like that inside the club."  
_   
Boy 2 : **"Why don't you just...?"**

Boy 1 : _"Uhm, Hello?"_

Boy 3 : _"Yeah... boyfriends... can't you tell?"_

Brian and Michael smirked, chuckling separately, then looked at one another. Hazel shined down on brown. Brian squinted to suck at the filter, then blew out the smoke from the side of his mouth. One eyebrow raised in curiosity. Michael glanced at Brian under his dark lashes, a bit bashful at being "spotted", so easily read. Brian locked his arms tight about Michael's body, across his arms, imprisoning him closer. Michael couldn't do anything with his head but lay it down on the front of the leather jacket. He turned to look in the other direction, away from the young men watching them.

Boy 2 : _"Shit! See the way he looks at him."_

Boy 3 : _"How 'bout the way HE's holding HIM?"_

Boy 4 : _"Awwww... that's so sweet. You know they're gonna last."_

Boy 1 : **"That's love, baby. See... it IS possible for us."**

Brian hands slid down to latch onto Michael's belt loops on the jeans. He brought one hand up to extinguish his cigarette. Then he went back to tucking his hands inside the back pockets of the jeans, cupping Michael's rear.

Boy 2 : _"Love? What do you know about it?"_

Boy 1 : _"Plenty."_

Boy 4 : _"And he has three boy toys at school to prove it."_

Boy 1 : _"Oh please. THEY don't even count."_

Boy 3 : **"Yeah... I'm so tired of straight boys who love gay boys. I want a real gay man who likes me... for me."**

The line moved a little. Brian kept Michael close, walking with his arm around him. Then moved to lean on another part of the brick wall, hugging Michael back to his chest.

Boy 4 : _"You mean... real gay men like the ones behind us...?"_

Michael lifted his head to gaze up at Brian, his eyes moved to look at Brian's lips. Brian raised his eyebrows in wonderment and awe. Michael rolled his eyes, he reached up to grab Brian's jacket collar and drag him down for a kiss.

Boy 1 : _"Oh... my... I think I love this place already!"_

Boy 3 : _"Gay boys and men in love kissing. So fuckin' hott!!"_

Boy 2 : _"It's like Gay Day at Disney."_

Boy 4 : _"Why don't we live here instead of Boresville, PA?"_

Boy 2 : **"Uhm... because none of us have jobs that pay money so we can get the fuck out while the gettin's good..."**

Boy 3 : _"Whoa! I'm horny!"_

Boy 2 : _"Are they coming up for air anytime soon?"  
_   
Boy 1 : **"I think it's sexy."**

Boy 3 : _"They look damn good together. I would mind peeking in between their sheets."  
_   
Boy 4 : _"I wonder if they're good dancers."_

Boy 2 : _"No... uh-nah... neither of them are letting YOU getting between THAT with a 10ft pole."  
_   
Boy 3 : _"Hey... why is it a 10ft pole? Wouldn't 5ft suffice? We've already established it's a large distance. Why 10? That's like... five more than five."  
_   
Boy 2 : _"Dude, you've got a dizzying intellect that comes out at the worst possible moments."  
_   
Boy 3 : _"I'm nervous... and I like ponderables."_

Boy 4 : _"I think... I think they're married."_

Brian had been leaning his forehead on Michael's brow, sliding over to lay the side of his face on Michael's cheek.

Boy 2 : _"Huh?"  
_   
Boy 1 : _"What?"_

Boy 4 : _"I want them to be married, the men behind us. I just... they make me feel happy."_

Boy 3 : _"Why do you think they're married?"_

Boy 2 : _"Yeah... they don't have rings or anything distinguishing..."_

Boy 4 : _"I just think they are. If they aren't, I think they should be."_

Boy 2 : _"Maybe you should turn around and tell them. I'm sure they've heard every word we're saying."_

The line shifted, moving faster as more patrons were allowed inside Babylon. Brian pulled away, walking with Michael under his arm. He kept his head glued to Michael left ear. "A ringing endorsement from complete strangers. _Are we flattered? Or should we kick their asses?_ " Michael bowed his head, his eyes closed. " _Do you feel better?_ " He brought over his left hand to reach under Michael's jacket hem. He soothed his belly.

"I'm a little better."

"We really don't have to do this, if you don't want. I'm good with what we did back at the apartment. We can just be here at Babylon, like usual."

"Brian... the usual is me dancing with you until you find some twink to drag into the backroom. I don't want _usual_. I'm agreeable with my damn fantasy playing out."

" _Wow..._ sorry I asked..." Brian snickered, standing by Michael's side as they moved up the line.

"I'm committed to this line. Once we get in, I'll be warm. Once I unfreeze, I'll start dancing with you. Then, I know, I'll _really_ feel much better. A few songs on the dance floor... I might end up dragging **you** to the backroom." Michael turned his body so Brian could feel how hard he still was under his jeans, through the leather pant leg.

"I know a few people who'd pay to see **that** happen." Brian smirked, bending his head to sneak a nuzzle with Michael's hair and ear. _God..._ he smelled... _fantastic_.

Michael let his right hand caress over Brian's chest, then move up to soothe his cheek. "I'm not here to humiliate you. Knock you down a peg or two. Your reputation at Babylon was never what made me love you... or want you."

Brian had to swallow the lump in his throat, never knowing he could get emotionally sentimental waiting to get into Babylon. " _What if I asked you? I whisper low in your ear that I think it's time we strolled back there? And I happen to want you to lead me through all the crowds of sweaty, half-naked men? Because... I like watching you take charge over me... and my body?_ "

Michael seriously contemplated the questions, reaching up his right hand to grab Brian's right hand on his shoulder. " _Are you begging me or asking me nicely?_ "

"What I'm wondering is... how this fuckin' fantasy starts..."

"Oh... much like it is now." Michael secretly smiled, knowing a lot more than what he was telling Brian. "At some point, during the night, I jump forefront, while you step back. Everybody wants **me** , now... but I shun them. **You** get jealous... _mad-possessive_ , wanting no one to have me, but **you**."

"Uh-huh... and then..." Brian liked the scenario so far.

"Justin. He bumps into us... tries to steal you away."

Brian paused for a minute, not liking this portion. "No. Won't happen. But... tell me... what do you end up doing to him?"

"Nothing I wouldn't consider in real life. I don't go all West Side Story on him."

Brian chuckled at the West Side Story reference. "Sounds like what you'd do naturally."

"You and I dance. For hours. We're both perspiring and out of breath, almost like when we have sex. In fact, we've practically come close to having sex on the dance floor. We've drawn this audience... and it's like they're feeding off our... _uhm, energy_. They don't really stare at us as much as admire how great we look together... wondering if _**this**_ will be the night we finally succumb to one another..."

"... 'succumb' that's a really good word. Nice. Again... possible. Could happen. What else?"

"Well... I'm shy and coy. **You** , on the other hand, need me, like... NOW. And I'm so apprehensive about us that you have to throw me over your shoulder."

"I'm not forcing myself on you? You really want me?" Brian furrowed his brow in worry.

"Oh, yeah! This is the 'role' I play in sex between us. The Submissive One. But... oddly, I'm in complete control of you. I know how much you want me. It turns me on to see how much you need me." Michael looked away from Brian, his mind wandering. His dick harder and harder at the images conjured.

"Uhm... oh-kay..." Brian had to blink or freeze his eyeballs in shock. "I'll agree into being _**hott**_ for your body, but..." He shook his head, unsure if he'd think of himself as "helpless" without having Michael or addicted to the sex they had together.

Michael faced Brian directly, catching the hazel eyes deepening. They were already on their way to finishing their night together, almost close enough to more sex in the backroom, fulfilling Michael's fantasy. So... _eh, why the fuck not..._ "You open my jeans, yank them down... rip off my underwear and give me a really _really_ nice blowjob. You beg me to cum in your mouth. I don't want to, but you keep sucking me, milking me for every drop of semen I can give you. Once I've spent myself, I bend down to kiss you, you come up to kiss me. And we're both sharing and swallowing my cum. Then... you roughly turn me over on the wall, pin my hands to the surface. My legs are spread wide and you don't even bother fingering me... you just _**BLAM!!**_... you're _in_ me... and you're thrusting and pounding. You're groaning, I'm moaning... and I beg you to fuck me harder. You tell me you're cumming and -- _this is usually when my bedside alarm would go off_... so I'm only assuming you had an orgasm inside me, because... well, I wake up... pretty darn happy..." He shrugged as if he hadn't said anything so graphically disturbing. "I've never been able to finish **that** fantasy.

Brian gulped, eyes wide. "There's more than one?!"

" _Always._ " Michael lifted his eyes to Brian frightened face.

"Uhm... don't mean to be a downer, but... we're only doing _**one**_ tonight."

Michael chuckled, snuggling into Brian's chest. "I know. I'm good with that."

"Swell." Brian kissed Michael's brow, feeling his body throb with sexual want of his best friend.

"Peachy."

"Nifty."

The line moved and so did they... but they butted up against the four young men intently staring at them... mouths agape and jaws locked in one position.

"Oops... sorry, boys..." Michael called out with a bit of laughter. He could tell that they had heard every word out of his mouth.

Four wide smiles spread over four young and adorable faces... as four pairs of wide, hungry eyes stared down Michael.

Michael lost his smile, slipping behind Brian's body, peeking over his right shoulder. " _Oh... my god..._ "

"Nice going, Mikey. I think they want you." Brian looked over at the dark head laying on his shoulder blade. "Congratulations ... your fantasy has now _officially_ begun..."

**~~TBC...**


	17. Chapter 17

  
Michael realized how foolish he was being. When Brian proclaimed that his fantasy had "officially" begun, _this part_ wasn't what he had seen in his dream. Four young boys no older than Justin Taylor thinking he was a sweet piece of ass _. Nah... no_ , not remotely similar to his dreams. He walked out from behind Brian to stand by his side, sliding a hand down Brian's arm and threading their fingers together. He liked it when he felt Brian squeeze back. 

"Uhm... would you believe I'm a writer? I'm writing a novel."

Boy 2 : **"Yeah, eh, okay... thanks for the lasting imagery then."**

Boy 4 : _"A book? Is it going straight to porn?"_

Brian stifled out a loud chuckle. He liked these kids, reminded him of what he and Michael looked like with Ted and Emmett attached.

Boy 1 : **"I wish MY fantasies were THAT detailed."**

Boy 3 : _"Liberty Avenue is so cool... YOU GUYS... are hella-cool... Babylon is..."_

" _LET ME SEE SOME I.D., pretty ladies!_ " The hefty refrigerator-sized bouncer proclaimed while looking over the new fresh meat.

Brian detached himself from Michael, to sneak on through the four young men. He whipped out his VIP card and Michael's, as well. "Say, Rod... did you ever get that sexual harassment charge expunged from your record?"

Rod "The Bod" began to glare in a mean-like Fairytale Giant kind of fashion. "Are you vouching for these kids, Kinney?"

Brian tucked his hands in his pockets, backing up. "I'm allowed to have family." He chose one of the boys randomly to surround a thin neck with a friendly arm. "See... Chucky, here... he's my cousin's wife's nephew...and his three merry gay men. A bit of harmless fun, is all."

Rod let them in, one at a time. "I thought you was raised by wolves?" He yelled up at Brian as he began climbing the stairs, thinking Michael was behind him.

As Michael passed Rod by to climb up the first step, the beefy arm came out to prevent him from moving further. "When you gonna quit chasing Kinney and find yourself a _real_ man?"

"Like **you** , Rod?" Michael delicately removed the thick arm from his path. "Uhm... _no thanks_. I pick brains and beauty over brawn anytime. And... really who's to say I _haven't_ found him." His brown eyes darted up to find Brian looking down at him from the top step. Brian's eyebrows were furrowed with worry, about ready to walk back down.

"You can't be serious?!" Rod moved to brush his burly chest with Michael's rock hard, flat one. "That prissy pretty boy don't know how to treat a beautiful thing such as you." He ran a finger up Michael's neck to grab his chin. "I could give you so much more than Kinney can."

Michael frowned, shaking his head in disagreement, then grabbed Rod's wrist to make him stop touching him. "Rod... you big lumphead, you're too late. Sorry." He pouted for Rod's loss. "But... all these years... who's to say that Brian Kinney wasn't the one chasing me?" He gave him a charming smile, then bypassed Rod to climb up the stairs. He heard the wolf whistle on his way up. He rolled his eyes as he reached Brian's side.

They moved into the foyer/front room where they could drop off their coats.

"Everything alright with The Bod?"

Michael shirked off his jacket, catching a few random eyes looking at his body. "Yeah. You know he can't let me in without making a pass at me." He reached out to grab their coat check ticket, pocketing it.

Brian paused momentarily, letting Michael hit his body. He wrapped an arm about the small waist, hooking his thumb on one belt loop. "And... taking a few jabs at me." He lowered his head, blinking rapidly.

Michael watched the hurt emotions play out on Brian's face. His own arm snaked around Brian's waist. "Relax. It's just the Alpha male gene kicking in. I think he really likes you." He chuckled at Brian's frown. "Or at least... he secretly wants to be you once the Wizard gives him his 'courage'."

Brian was lost in laughter as he pictured Rod "The Bod" in a Cowardly Lion costume. His hand slipped over to soothe Michael's lower lumbar spine. He lifted up the shirt hem to tuck his hand at upper curve of the tight rear. "Don't you think _one_ of me is enough?" He bent his head to nudge his face in Michael's ear.

"Oh... certainly." Michael brought over his free hand to rub over Brian's chest. "Especially if that _one_ is all mine."

"Mmmm... yours..." Brian shifted to suckling at the nape of Michael's neck. "I like the sound of that more... an' more. I can pretty muc-..."

Before Brian could complete his comment in private with Michael, he was interrupted by a well-known blond twink attaching himself to Brian's other side. He grunted with some pain, only because he hadn't expected the tackle to his body. The reason his arm reached out to touch Justin was to balance himself before he fell over. Michael was there to bring him back upright.

" _Thanks..._ " Brian didn't even get to say Michael's name before Justin was attempting to pull him away.

"You made it!" Justin squeezed Brian tight, with one arm. His voice making it seem as if they made some kind of "date" to meet here. “I tried calling the loft to tell you when I'd get here...” He kept his chin on the rounded shoulder joint, possessive arm around Brian. "... then I tried your cell... got your voicemail..."

" **That** wasn't your _first big clue_." Michael muttered in Brian's hearing distance. He wanted to let go, but more than anything he wanted to take Justin's arm off of Brian.

Brian snickered, removing his arm from around Justin since he was using Michael as his pillar of strength. He saw blue eyes flash a piercing frustration toward him. "What? It was funny."

"What was?" Justin then looked over Brian's left shoulder to see Michael. "Oh, hey, Mikey..."

Brian cringed from the nickname that was **his** to use, not anyone else. He cleared his throat, knowing how much Michael disliked when people randomly teased him with the name, making him feel smaller than them.

"... I didn't see you."

"Amazing! Brian, my cloak of 'invisibility' **does** still work here." Michael blinked in joyous fascination at how pathetic Justin was. He couldn't believe he actually held some credibility to what Justin would say when they walked into Babylon or Woody's. He always made Michael think the worst of Brian. He felt Brian's arm lift to surround his shoulders. Michael reached up to grab Brian's left hand dangling down his arm.

"C'mon, Brian... let's go dance!" Justin wrapped himself around Brian's lone right arm, which was apparently all he was going to get of Brian Kinney tonight. "I like this song."

"You _like_ every song. You're still young enough to have no taste in good music." Brian sighed, wondering when Justin began to not look very appealing to him. "And... you're drunk or you're high. Either way... I decline." He took his arm back, hiding it behind him. "My dance card is full." He bent to rest his brow on Michael's temple.

"Well, then..." Justin crossed arms over his chest, letting Michael "win" this round. “... I'll come find you on the dance floor when I'm ready.” He knew where he was wanted, that Michael could never touch. "Or I can meet you..."

“You look half-past 'ready', now.” Michael decided the only way Justin would buy a clue would be to tell him to his face, by his own words. "Why don't you stop _bothering_ Brian for one night and leave him alone."

"Mikey..." Justin stood to look Michael over. "I like this _new_ you. It almost sexy." He moved up a little, brushing his body with Michael's stationary frame.

"Puh-leez. I wouldn't **do** you if you were the last twink standing... and you were handing out free blowjobs." Michael pulled out a five dollar bill. "Go to the bar. Get yourself some water. You're dehydrated." He was about ready to turn away, back to Brian, but then Justin didn't get the hint, again.

"I'm fine... Michael." Justin tucked the five dollars in Michael's tight waist band as if he were a stripper. "Thanks, but I already have a father... and a 'sugar daddy'..." He winked over Michael to Brian. "I'll just find you in the backroom, Brian."

"No!" Michael swiveled to push himself against Justin, making him falter on his feet. "... you know what you should really do?"

"What?" Justin had to chuckle, because he felt almost scared a bit. Michael did look different, but it was more in his confidence than anything else.

"Grow up and get your own set of friends."

Justin yanked Michael's hands off him. He stood as tall as he could, but somehow Michael seemed to be overpowering him. "Why do you keep coming back?" He tried to ask of Brian, who was staring at them with intense hazel eyes. "Why don't you tell me to 'go' if that's what you want?" He wanted to confront Brian one-on-one but Michael was preventing that from happening.

Brian strolled over to hang behind Michael's left shoulder, so Justin could see his face. "I have told you, quite a few times. Stop making yourself available. Chose to respect who you are enough to know what a bad influence I am on you."

Justin began to chuckle. "What is this?! Is this some type of joke?" When he said "joke" he looked down at Michael, who seemed determined not to budge one inch.

"No, this isn't a joke at all." Brian sent his arm down Michael's body to hook about his upper chest. Like they were more than just together as best friends. "Consider this... my unofficial 'official' notification that you should go. Be your own man."

Justin kept his blue eyes glaring at steady brown ones. "Was this **your** idea? You put him up to this?"

Michael started chuckling, then Brian joined in, resting his forehead on Michael's shoulder blade. "Yeah... my 'mind control' of Brian has worked so well thus far. Uhm... no. Big Fat nope, actually." He put out a palm, flat, but hovered it over Justin's thin chest. "Justin... look, one day you're gonna realize it's not the end of the world to **not** get what you think you want or need. You're also gonna learn you're not the center of it. It's a hard fall, but I hope you can land on your own two feet. You need to find who you are... _somewhere else_. Brian can't take care of you anymore. You're right... I'm not your father, neither is Brian. He's not responsible for you like you want him to be. **You** are..." This time he made his finger jut toward Justin, but never touched him.

"Why now? Why push me away now? Huh?" Justin had been looking at Brian, but now turned to Michael, pouting and near tears. "So **you** can monopolize his time like you've always wanted?"

Brian was prepared to come around Michael's body to shuffle Justin apart from them. "Justin... that's enough."

"No, Brian." Michael actually chuckled lightly, wanting to hear what brilliance Justin had to spare them while he was high or drunk or both. "Let him speak. After each comment I make... he's got the right to say something. It's up to him whether he wants to be clever or smart." He wandered backward to lean on Brian's body, talking over his shoulder. "'Sides... I'd love to hear how Boy Wonder _really_ feels about me..."

"STOP... calling me that!" Justin stomped off, leaving Brian and Michael staring in an odd trance of shock.

"Wow." Michael turned to face Brian. "That was a lot easier than I thought."

"He's still young, Michael." Brian was a combination of feelings, shame and embarrassment. He couldn't explain why he kept bringing the young blond man back into his life. This certainly was one of the reason to not see him anymore.

"He's even brattier in real life compared to my dreams. _In my fantasy_ , we exchanged witty banter for, like, a few minutes. Which, of course, I had the _last_ word."

"See... all you needed was a little confidence. I told you the cock ring would do wonders. You didn't back down, either, which was nice to see. Usually..." Brian bit his bottom lip. "... you'd give up the minute he showed up to take me away."

"Was it **that** simple? Was there ever some opportunity to change my mind, win you back?"

"Of course. Always." Brian approached Michael, grabbing his biceps. "Justin's not important to me than any other man I could have in the backroom. Save you."

"Damn! One more new scenario to add to my collection." Michael had to hide his sadness with some humor. No sense in crying over the past now.

"What's that make... like, 103rd?"

Michael giggled, scratching at his back hairline. "Dear God, no!! Maybe 64th or 65th..." He grabbed for Brian's hand, entwining their fingers to pull them closer.

" _Jesus..._ you are trying to kill me." Brian bumped chests with Michael, then leaned his brow on Michael's forehead. He couldn't help feeling loved and protected the way Michael stood up to Justin. Why couldn't either of them have done it sooner?

"Nah. I think I'm that Roberta Flack song... sort of... I'm ' _killing you softly_ '..."

"Great. Is that anything like ' _silent but deadly_ '?"

"Uhm... no. They mean two different things for two different actions."

"Yeah, like I said... _great_. Something to look forward to."

"I swear I'll be your dream come true, hardly your worst nightmare."

"Good to know. I like it when my dreams are filled with you. You... naked and wanting me is even better."

"I'll have to second that one."

Brian and Michael stood at the open archway of Babylon's main entrance onto the dance floor, the chains hanging down from the ceiling.

"Damn."

"You wishing for another way in?"

"I've done this step a thousand times before. What's wrong with me?"

Michael knew what was wrong. Things had certainly changed between them. Brian wasn't ready for it. "Want me to let you go in first? I'll follow a few minutes later..."

Brian swiveled to move them out of everyones' way, along a solid wall. He pushed Michael against the surface, one hand placed above his head. He traced his fingers over Michael's face, then down his body. "If we do this... we go _together_. No more 'following'. It's bullshit. Equal partners, equal stakes in this relationship."

"Brian..." Michael couldn't help smirking with pleasure. "... that doesn't sound like an affair at all." He absolutely adored what Brian was trying to convey.

"I've never been conventional. If I ever chose to have an affair, it wouldn't be normal."

"What's weird is... _since last night_ , you've become the only sane, normal person in my life."

"You, as well, in mine." Brian cupped Michael's chin underneath. "I don't feel strange walking in there with you. I'm..." He backed up a bit, his head lowered in concentration. "... suddenly aware of who I am, in this place. I don't want you tarnished with me. Your reputation has been upstanding, no black marks against it. One 'sign' you've become my new interest... people will assume the worst of you."

Michael reached up to latch onto Brian's wrist. "All these years of being close friends, you've never cared about them before."

"I was on my own in the gossiping. Now... they'll drag you in with me. I don't know if I can take hearing people talking smack about you and me not doing something about it."

"We can leave. Go back to the loft. I don't want to be home alone or sitting around waiting for Ben to call to 'allow' me to see you again."

Brian smiled, his body moving near Michael's. "Where is The Professor tonight?"

"With Lukas." Michael spoke clearly.

"Oh? Really?" Brian found that particularly interesting. "Are they hanging out... or something?"

"I'm thinking it's more of the 'something' genre. I'm not sure of specifics, but Ben sounded perturbed or agitated, maybe both. He was worried about Lukas. He left Ben after a huge fight. Ben kept telling me he wanted to stay in until Lukas made it back. And if I hadn't heard from him after seven to just do my own thing."

"I like the way you _do your own thing_." Brian wrapped an arm about Michael's back. "Think he's playing a game with us? Testing to see if we'd do... _exactly_ what we're doing?"

"I suddenly am not caring anymore what Ben thinks. He's certainly not the man I thought I knew. The man I thought I fell in love with. I, uh... don't even think he really wants to be my boyfriend like I need him to be." Michael bowed his head in shame, feeling the old, tired, low self-esteem burn of rejection.

"You taking new applicants only? Or can anyone apply?"

Michael lifted his head. "Why? Are you interested?"

"Eh... I might be. If your old one fails you again."

"If Ben's not done with you... with us... and he wants to do that threesome, like you think... I don't know, Brian. That might be my final straw."

"I'm not trying to steal Ben's thunder or put him in a bad light with you... but he's already approached me."

"What?" Michael's eyes went wide with shock, then his lips began to tremble. He dipped his head to hide his emotions. _God Damn!_

"This morning. At the Diner. When I left you in the bathroom. On my way out, he asked me for another 'interview', which I took to mean he wanted you and I to have sex again. But this time... he wanted _**in**_ on our coupling..."

Michael covered his face in shame. "Christ! I am so deeply sorry, Brian."

"Mikey... Mikey..." Brian tried to pull the hands away from Michael's face. "Michael... jesus, come here..." He secured an arm about Michael's neck, then his waist. He rolled them onto his back, then moved to tuck them away in a dark corner. He was protecting and hiding Michael from wandering eyes. He brushed back Michael's hair, resting his cheek on top of Michael's bent head. "... ssshhh, sweetie... you'll make yourself sick." He hadn't expected Michael to get this emotional so quickly. He rocked him and rubbed his back. "This isn't as bad as you think. I've gotten asked to do weirder things and was looking for quick cash at the time. What Ben wants from me isn't something I can't give him."

"He's attempting to hurt you, through me. I never expected that."

"I know this, Michael. I'm not letting it happen." 

Michael lifted his head, moisture-filled brown eyes staring at Brian's face. "What? Brian... what are you saying?"

"I'll do it. I'll finish it... _for you_. If I agree to whatever he wants, maybe he'll let his anger die. He'll leave me... _us_... alone..."

"What do you think he wants most?"

"Me."

"Brian." Michael quickly hugged Brian to his chest, quivering with fright. "Ben's not mean enough to try infecting you. Do you think he has some other purpose?"

"Weakening me, maybe. For some kind of satisfaction. To see what it's like to overpower me, make me bend to his will. Be the one man who can crack the Kinney bravado." Brian nudged his face with Michael's. "What he doesn't know is... you've already done that. It means _nothing_ to me for him to do what he wants to me now."

"Humbling you, in front of me. That's what you really mean. Steal your power and fire to make you look like less of a man."

"Michael... _please..._ "

"No. Don't tell me how some people view a Bottom's role, Brian. It's why I like the position so much." Michael hated admitting this part, but it was true. "Sometimes in this world, I don't feel like much of a man. Little more than a glorified woman with a penis."

"Fuck! That isn't what you are. You have to know that. I hope I've never treated you like that. Have I?"

"No... because it's never been about sex between us. Just love and closeness." Michael circled his arm around Brian's neck, leaning chest to chest. "... you're probably the only person in my life who let's me be a man. Albeit... goofy, nerdy and dorky, too..."

"You make it all look so sexy."

"David only saw me as his own private dancing gay boy, little more than arm candy. And Ben... well, I really don't know how he perceived me. He practiced safe sex, always making me feel precious and a little too fragile at times. There were times I wanted it dangerous... and rough, choppy... dirty or filthy..."

"You... have come to the right homosexual."

"I'm not here because of your reputation. I'm at Babylon because it's our 'place'. Our 'home' outside of the loft and the apartment. It's allowed us to be who we really are apart or together. It's gotten us through some hellish times, but also given us some of the best and favorite memories. People are gonna talk, because that's what they do to make themselves feel better. I love you too much to care about some stupid gossip that might, or might not, come about because we walk in there together. I've always wanted you to walk through, someone dangling off your arm. **You**... making **them** stop and stare. Just once I want you to leave them speechless for a _different_ reason."

"Care to dangle off my arm, then?" Brian held out his forearm for Michael to take. " _I want it to be you_. I've always wanted to walk through Babylon to show **you** off. Make people want what I have, but they can't. Because you were mine, mine alone."

"If you're even remotely considering Ben's offer... I'm definitely walking through that doorway with you. We don't even have to separate when we're ready to go into the backroom."

"You want to go in _together_?"

"Hell yeah. Let's turn a few heads."

"Michael..."

"Yes?"

Brian bent low, near Michael's ear. "You are _more of_ a man to me than anyone I've been with. You define manliness in a whole other bracket, but you aren't _less of_ a man because of it."

"I love you. Thank you."

"I love you, too."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? You did. And I meant it. I really, _really_ do love you."

"I feel the same. That's why I'm doing _**this**_... _and the thing with Ben_... you'll never have to be alone again."

"C'mon... let's do this, then." Brian twined his hand with Michael's, holding their connection between their bodies, at their sides.

"Oh, boy. Kiss me. Make me brave."

"Gladly." Brian held back on the kiss until they walked through the heavy chains.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben was laying on his back, feeling chilled. The warm body that had been laying curled against him disappeared. He blinked slowly, resting on the pillows, wondering if this felt weird or in any way awkward to him. He rose up on his elbows to glance around the room. He caught sight of the shape near the window.

"Luke?" Ben focused his eyes to see Lukas huddled near the encasement, smoking through the open pane. He was wearing Ben's flannel robe and, possibly, _nothing_ else.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" Lukas spoke low, not knowing why since Ben was up and walking around the bed stark buck naked. He had to look away or want to fuck for real. He couldn't do that to himself. Not until he told Ben why he was here. Because if there was any chance Ben would reject him, he didn't want anything hanging over their heads they would regret.

Ben took the cigarette, puffing a long draw. He handed it back to Lukas, blowing the smoke up and out the side of his mouth. It felt good to gain back one of his bad vices. "Nah. I'm just alert to missing warm bodies I fall asleep with." He paced over to stand behind Lukas, shapes aligned. They both leaned on the side of the dresser to peer out the window. "Anything..." He snaked his left arm around Lukas' waist to bring him flush with his chest. "... interesting out there? What time is it anyway?" He glanced around to see if he could find a clock.

"God knows. I couldn't sleep anymore."

"You okay?" Ben brought his other hand over to slip between the robe portions and smooth his fingers down Lukas' right hip and thigh. He slid into the inner thighs, finding Lukas still pretty hard. _God..._ for an active, physical guy Lukas had the softest skin. The blond hair down the legs was ticklish to both of them.

Lukas extinguished the butt on the windowsill, flicking it out into the night air. "No." He shut the window, finally having enough fresh air. He was putting the drapes back to where they had been.

Ben held himself at a distance, wary and watchful. "It's what we did, isn't it?"

Lukas shook his head in disagreement. He bent his neck, then spun around to kiss the corner of Ben's mouth. Ben took the offer, merging their mouths as one. Lukas drew away first. "No. It's not." He walked forward, simply using one index finger to push Ben toward the mattress. He untied the robe once they were close enough and conformed his body around Ben's receptive bare skin. "You... are the only good thing that's happened in my life in the last 4-5 months."

"Luke, I think it's time you..." Ben meant to tell Lukas to speak his own truth, before they did anything else in bed together.

Using the darkness, with little light from the window, Lukas found the courage to speak out. He moved Ben to sit on the edge of the bed. "About the time Connor and I were having some difficulties in our relationship..." He approached Ben, standing in front of him nude, then easily slipped to sit next to him on the bed. For years, he had been comfortable in his skin, finding that with everything he had been through, in the last five years, he'd lost that _sense_ of himself. Being with Ben, both of them naked, he found that there was an ease he hadn't had in so long. Hard to believe he missed it that much. He brought his bent right knee to lay flat on the sheets. He leaned toward Ben, speaking in a whispery tone. "I, uh... found myself at a bar one night." He could see Ben's inability to look at him show he thought something else. "No. Look, I met this great guy. We hit it off. We went back to his hotel and did anything and everything I hadn't done in the last five years of my fucked up sex life. Between Danny being ultra-precautious at times, not able to stand infecting me... and Connor not as adventurous in bed as I had _once_ thought... I caved. I strayed... _just this once_..."

"Luke, _don't..._ " Ben put out his hand to stop Lukas from saying what he couldn't even fathom at this point. Lukas couldn't be sick like him, _**not**_ _possible_.

"No. It's not what you think. It's not AIDs or HIV. So cool down. Hear me out." Lukas made a grab for one of Ben's hands to hold in between his palms. "We were laying there in his hotel bed, just talking... 'cause luckily this guy's not in town for long. Only business. So discretion is a great friend. I get up to dress and leave and before I go he hands me this card. It's a business card. A doctor friend of his. I'm thinking he's trying to set me up on some blind date. But when I read the card it says 'oncologist'. I looked at the guy, kind of strangely... and he tells me he felt a lump on my left testicle. He thinks I should get it checked out."

Ben turned to face Lukas, reaching up with one hand to cup the rounded cheek. " _Jesus... no..._ " Then he couldn't help himself, he hugged Lukas to his body. He dragged them both onto his back, slipping in between the sheets. He pulled the covers over their joined bodies. He felt Lukas melt in his embrace, needing the touch of someone who loved him. He slipped his legs open, letting Lukas fall in between his thighs. On his own, Lukas slinked down to rest his cheek on Ben's upper chest. "Wait a minute... did you...?" He was pulling them apart to speak directly to his face.

"No! Don't... don't let go. I can't look you in the eyes and say this. Just hold me." Lukas went completely numb, letting Ben support them. "This is perfect. It's where I've wanted to be for awhile." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I went for my routine physical and they sure think the lump is substantial enough to send me to this oncologist. Good thing is... they caught it early. They set me up to remove the tumor... I get on chemo/radiation and there's a 98% chance of full recovery."

Ben had been scraping his fingers up Lukas' back, to his nape. Now he was in his blond curls. "Remove... the tumor? You had surgery?"

"I'm Bionic, Jamie. Synthetic prosthesis... i.e. fake nut... ball... testicle..."

"Please don't joke now... I'm serious."

" _So am_ _ **I**_ _._ "

"Why didn't you call me? I would have dropped everything to be there." Ben brushed the curly bangs from Lukas' forehead. Then he pressed his lips to the hairline.

"Because I knew how you'd be. And I didn't want you to see me like I was... and coddle me." Lukas soothed a hand down Ben's arm. "Your Mom was there with me."

" _My mother?_ " Ben was beyond shocked now. _Why in the hell would Lukas rather have his mother there, than him?_

"Yeah, she really _ **is**_ a great lady, Jamie. Not as evil as you keep thinking. Dad... uhm, Dad tried to feed me excuses about not showing up. Conferences and things going on at the college. But I knew he walked away because of Mom's breast cancer. He fell apart when she was diagnosed. I could tell he wasn't much better with me, over the phone. He did want me to come back, to the Mainland and have the surgery. Dad always did take her death personally, so I understood. I really wished Mom had been there, could have used her dark, sarcastic humor." Lukas let out a strangled chuckle, just sinking into the essence of Ben's body being under him and around him. Those strong fingers touching him and caressing every portion of his naked skin no one had touched in... _almost forever_. "Your Mom did fine. I told her she didn't have to stay, but she knew you'd hate her more for not being there with me, when she had the time off. I was also kind of glad Connor and I had broken up before I had the surgery. One less thing in my life to worry about."

"He left you because of this? Just walked away and abandoned you?"

"Hey... I was the one-balled boyfriend with not much else going on in my life. He gave me some lame excuse about communication problems and **me** not opening up to him about my true feelings. But when I _did_... I knew he wouldn't be able to handle the pressure of what I was going to go through."

"Luke, I... is that why you're here...?" Ben leaned his cheek on top of Lukas' head, inhaling the rich shampoo. He'd always loved the way Lukas smelled in and out of the ocean. Always a bit like coco-butter and sun.

"Yes... and no..."

" _What does_ _ **that**_ _mean?_ "

**~~TBC...**


	18. Chapter 18

 

Lukas lifted up slightly off Ben's chest. "I realized something quite profound when I was in the hospital, ready for surgery... or afterwards, going for my treatments." 

"What?" Ben brought his hand up to caress as much of Lukas' face as he'd let him.

"I regretted what we hadn't risked in college. I realized how you truly felt about me... _too late_. You were already on to other pursuits. I was madly in love with you and you were past me. I was simply back to being a 'friend' again. I had to go out with you, watch you pick up other men and bring them back to our room to fuck. It tore me up inside because they certainly never got to meet the real **you**. And they wouldn't, when they kept petting your ego and stroking your cock like they did."

Ben smirked, making a fist and rubbing his knuckles down Lukas' straight jawline. "Is that why you don't _get_ me with Michael?" How could he **not** have found this handsome face irresistible to leave so many long years ago?

"Do you blame me? Jamie... he's not anything like the guys you usually fuck. I'm not sure that you even pick the same ones now to 'date'. Why did you even try to get him?"

"Because he _wasn't_ someone I'd normally picture myself with. Certainly not someone I'd easily let inside my personal life. But... he's... Michael is one of the most honest, sincere... genuine and loving souls I've ever encountered. There's not a mean bone in his body. I met him and _instantly_ I knew... I needed him in my life in some capacity."

"So why even doubt him if this is how you feel? Why ruin a good thing? Do you like being self-destructive to feel wanted?"

"No... my curiosity isn't about Michael, _per se_. It's Brian Kinney. He's **me** , Luke. The 'me' before I was diagnosed and got sick. When I began to have feelings for Michael, and he for me... it boggled my mind how he could still be best friends with someone like Brian. Actually still love him too... much like you loved Danny."

"I was able to love Danny the way he needed me because I love you." Lukas bent toward Ben's mouth, hovering an inch away. "And... I love you, because despite everything that pisses me off and frustrates me _about_ you... I want the man inside. I want the _real_ you." He reached out with one index finger and traced the shape of Ben's lips and on down his chin. "I think Michael's like that with Brian, _if you looked close enough without blinders on_. You may only see Brian's faults and fallacies, but Michael knows there's a good loving man in that gorgeous body that no one else sees." He could very well be talking about the man laying beneath him, but Ben would be oblivious to that.

"You came to Pittsburgh to take me back?" Ben let his hands slide down Lukas' naked body under the sheets, placing them over his tight backside.

"We were never really _together_ for me to 'take you back', but I **do** want you in my life as I want to be in yours. Losing Danny shook me; losing a love like that breaks you down. I tried to come back to life, but I kept failing. Maybe Connor was right. But what my cancer diagnosis did for me was wake me up. My offer still stands, Jamie. I'll move back home... _for you_." Lukas placed a hand between their chests, sliding it down to reach Ben's groin. "I wanna be here to take care of you. I can't lose another minute making assumptions and missing out on something great I've always wondered about. I'll love you no matter if you want me here or not. It's really up to you."

"Luke, what about...?"

"My cancer? I'm okay. I've had some scares..." Lukas bent to kiss Ben's chest, sliding down his abdominal wall. "... but it was mostly due to my medications. I, uh... had to give up the sun. Became a vampire, of sorts. No more sunlight for Luke Harrison."

" _ **That**_ _'s why you gave up surfing?_ " Ben closed his eyes tight, filtering his fingers through Lukas' curls as he kept moving down his body.

"Artificial tans and sunburn in a bottle for me. Or..." Lukas inched back up Ben's naked form, stopping at the pillows. "... I could go pale, like Michael, if that's what turns you on." He chuckled when Ben tried to tickle him in the ribs. " _Eh, eh..._ just a tease. No harm, no foul."

"Luke..." Ben brought up his bent arm to lay above his head on the pillows. "... I'm not even sure what Michael and I are anymore."

"You want **me** to find out?" Lukas watched Ben drop his eyes to his face. "Give me your camera and the video card from last night."

Ben raised up on his elbows. "Why? I promised them I wouldn't..."

Lukas put his fingers over Ben's mouth. "Now... you've got a conscience? Don't worry. I'm not gonna use it against them." He removed his hand to rub over Ben's skin. "Something tells me you haven't even looked at the footage. Nor do you want to." When Ben closed his eyes in self-imposed agony, Lukas knew he had his answer. "You need an outsider's objective view, because right now... you are so jaded over this issue... you'll fuckin' implode or drive yourself crazy."

"I don't _hate_ Brian as much as people think."

"Good to know. Get dressed and bring the damn thing in here or I'll go find it myself." Lukas slid off Ben to let him get up.

"Okay... okay..." Ben grumbled as he rose off the bed, not really wanting to lose the warmth of Lukas' body on his. He moved around the darkened floor to find his clothes. "Let me find everything I wore in here and get dressed." As he found them, Ben dressed in the clothing as quickly as he could.

Lukas rolled out of bed too. He picked up the discarded flannel robe of Ben's and moved to search for his small carry-on bag. He had to take some medication. He took out two bottles, moving into the private bathroom. He shut the door only a little, simply because he didn't want Ben to barge in and be shocked at what he was doing. Or if he even cared enough to find out _what_ he was doing. It was a few minutes later when he heard his name being bellowed.

"Luke?"

Lukas shut his eyes in pleasure. There was something about Ben's voice that hit a chord in him and made him smile, his heart racing a bit. "In here, Jamie!" He gripped the edges of the sink as he gulped down the water to wet his dry mouth. He swallowed the water. He took out the first bottle to dole out the three chemo pills he had to take. He popped them into his mouth, then drank the second cup of water. He eyed Ben as he wandered in, blue eyes back behind wire rimmed glasses and intense on his face. "I know... sexy, isn't it? I bet you look positively breathtaking downing your pills." He winked over a Ben, hoping for at least the crack of a smile, but all he got was a blank stare.

Ben left the door open, sliding up behind Lukas to gaze at their reflections in the mirror together. They were quite similar but such a contrast to one another. Ben brought up one hand, his right, to rest on Lukas' right hip. "Have you lost any of your hair, yet?" He turned to look at the beautiful, naturally blond curls and waves.

"Clumps sometimes." Lukas looked at Ben's mirror image rather than Ben standing by his side. "Now... it's only strands" He smirked, one side of his mouth raising in jest. "Your Mom wanted me to shave my head to beat out the middle man. I told her how much her son adored my curls and if she wanted to shave me she'd have to give me one of her Dolly Parton wigs..." He watched Ben break down in laughter. He started from a small chuckle, then let out the deepest laugh that Ben only reserved for him. "I _know_... _I know_... you're Mom can be a trip." Now he finally looked at Ben at his side. "You'd love her now. Your father's passing was the best thing that could have happened to her. She's even got herself a boyfriend." He started snickering and shaking his head, not really paying attention. He was trying to give Ben something positive from his mother. "She calls him her 'companion'... but I know what's up with them two." He winked, but then felt Ben's body try to hug him awkwardly, his chin hitting his shoulder joint. "What? What is it?" He was reaching for his second bottle of meds.

Ben rest his cheek on Lukas' shoulder, then trailed up his neck to his cheek. "Baby... I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you..." He kissed the skin with his lips, nuzzling the ear and curls.

_Oh... God!_ Lukas felt like really fainting in Ben's arms. He never knew he could be that weak for someone's affection or attention. " _Shit_ , Jamie... **I** 'm the coward, not you. You have _nothing_ ..." He brought up his hand to soothe Ben's head over his shoulder. "... to feel guilty over." 

Ben kept his face in Lukas' hair. "I let you go after Danny's death. I kept my distance because I couldn't bear to see you suffer like that, over someone else that you loved. I wanted to _be_ Danny. Be the man you loved who you'd sacrifice all that time for. Plus, I had backed out on meeting Danny so many times... I thought you hated me. Probably frustrated I didn't like him."

Lukas wrapped his arms around Ben's forearms about his waist. "It's okay. Not many people did. Danny was near to exact as you. The way HIV changed you, the way you are now and react to things in your life. He wanted a relationship with me on **his** terms. He had too many rules for me to stand. I only wanted to love him and be with him, but HIV kept coming between us. I nearly lost him twice before he really got sick. Then he... _uhm... see..._ " He turned around in Ben's arms, blinking up at the questioning blue eyes. "... Danny was an ex-heroin user. He got infected by a shared dirty needle. The thing is... though he'd been clean for four years, he still _craved_ it. Like it was part of his DNA make-up. Some heroin therapy is interesting. They'll give you small doses of the drug to ward off the physical pain it inflicts by not ever having it in your system again and also to 'ween' you off."

Ben nodded his head, rubbing over Lukas' back. "I think I've heard about them doing that for drastic cases. Danny was **that** bad? Did he slip up in Hawaii?"

Lukas nodded slowly, clearing his throat and leaning his hip on the sink. "He'd go to his therapy sessions, they'd give him his meds and he'd take them. Synthetic heroin, not the _real_ stuff. He'd come back to me three different shades of human... all over the emotional spectrum. I'll admit it, I didn't understand his choice in dealing with his drug abuse. He told me it was the only way to curb his deeper hunger, and the only drug therapy that actually showed results with him. I went along with it, because he was the man I'd chosen to love... _who aggressively loved and adored me_... but then we'd have to deal with the HIV meds." He crossed his arms over his chest, eyes staring off in the distance. "He was such a beautiful man inside and out. A great conversationalist... bright, smart, funny... it fuckin' disgusted me to see what heroin turned him into. What it robbed **me** of."

"Being here, watching me these past two weeks must have been difficult. I'm sorry."

“Stop apologizing, Jamie.” Lukas cupped Ben's cheek, smoothing a thumb under his left eye. "You wouldn't have known unless I told you. Now, you do know. Let's leave it at that."

"Okay." Ben knew they weren't done with this conversation, at all.

Lukas gestured a hand over his shoulder into the bedroom. "Did you put the camera in there?" He shuffled away to enter the room.

"Yes. Video card's inside. I put it on the nightstand." Ben glanced at the two medicine bottles on the sink's shelf, just staring at what they meant to him now. He tried to gather his thoughts before he walked out of the bathroom. He shut the light off, coming into the bedroom to find Lukas completely nude and searching for his jeans.

Lukas slid into them one leg at a time, by sitting on the side of the bed. He stood up to tug them over his naked bottom when Ben came over to stop him in mid-action. "What?"

"Which _one_ was it again?" Ben sat down, drawing Lukas with him, his eyes intent on looking at Lukas' testicles closely. It amazed him what they had done earlier, but Lukas never made it feel as if he were any different.

"Huh?" Lukas had only swiveled to look at Ben.

"I can't tell the difference."

Lukas looked down at himself, his smirk apparent. "You're not supposed to. The plastic surgeon gets called in to sew you up. Can't even see the scar where they cut me open..." Ben had put up a hand for Lukas to shut up. "Left... testicle, Jamie." He whispered quietly. He walked a little closer so Ben could inspect him. It wasn't the sexiest thing in the world, but he liked that Ben was intrigued enough to want to look for himself.

Ben grabbed them both, together. Then he felt the right one and the left one. "Amazing. They did a great job. Are you in any pain when you...?"

Lukas reached behind Ben's head to comb through the blond locks. "No, Jamie. I'm perfectly healed from the surgery. It was painful before, but not now. Now... I deal with the probability of cancer still in my body and the meds I take to prevent the disease from spreading."

"You... have completely humbled me." Ben shook his head and helped lift the material the rest of the way up Lukas' naked butt. "Here I am running away from you. The minute I'm diagnosed... you came to my side in a matter of days. You made me feel human and alive, like my old self again. I _have_ failed you... too many times to count."

Lukas bent his knees and sank to the floor, in between Ben's legs. "It's what I do for those I love. I've always been that way. You're more than the man I love... you're family and my best friend." He set his arms about Ben's waist, looking up at the blue eyes smiling down at him. "This means I know you better than anyone. You run away from confrontation and emotional tragedy. I'm not blaming you for anything, because that's just who you are. I'm not even angry at you for not being there when Danny passed. I... wasn't a good man. In fact, I went into a serious depression. That was from six months of watching him die and taking care of him 24/7. I wished for God, or _someone_ above, to take him, so I wouldn't have to watch him suffer one more day. Then when he _did_ die... I was pissed."

Ben reached down to cup Lukas' head from under his chin. "You're so much more stronger than me. Why are you willing to stop everything in your life to be here with me? It'll be like Danny all over again. You're not a sadist, are you?"

Lukas raised one blond eyebrow in question. "I don't know, I might be." He slid up Ben's thighs, bumping chests. "I know what to do now. I made a little promise that if I made it past this cancer thing I'd no longer sit on my ass and let my life pass on by me. I'd grab it by its own 'balls' and I'd keep it rockin'-n-'rollin'. And... I'd rather be here with you than a thousand miles away in Maui." He nudged faces with Ben, over their lips. "I love you... I want to be by your side, if you'll have me..."

"Luke..." Ben leaned his brow on Lukas' cheek.

"I know... there's Michael to consider. I'm sorry. He is a great guy, but if I didn't want or need you as much as I do... I'd let him have you."

" _Jesus... shut up!_ " Ben covered Lukas' mouth with his hand. He now leaned their foreheads together. "I can't believe I'm even considering this, but... I need some time. I know it's foolish to ask for this right now. If you can wait for me, I need to have some 'closure' with Michael."

"You want me to give you permission to go ahead with this last interview and then that _foolish_ threesome idea?"

Ben covered his eyes with his hands. "God... in my head, it always sounds so reasonable. The minute it comes out of your mouth, the idea sounds so fuckin' insane... or irrational, like you said." He removed his hands, one eye looking directly at Lukas. "Why do you love me?"

"Because... you're complex and complicated like this... and you're about the only male friend I can stand for an hour or more. Uh... you're sexy... mad intelligent... oh, you look superb naked... your eyes..."

"Yeah, yeah... okay, okay... Luke..." Ben wanted really real answers.

"Uhm... I know you don't show a lot of emotion, but when you fuckin' do... I know you love with your whole heart. I want that for myself." Lukas brushed his stubble over Ben's smooth skin. "I felt that from you years ago and it fuckin' scared me because all I wanted was to fuck guys and get my rocks off. Not fall in love and want a boyfriend. I was attracted to you instantly. I knew if I had taken you to my bed I could walk away. But then... I got to know you and all that bullshit flew out the window."

"I did, too. I knew if we had sex that it would be over quick. But then... you weren't that bad of a guy to be with."

"You used to spar witty barbs with me."

"I still can. I choose not to now."

"Yeah... you grew up on me without me knowing.”

"You really _were_ attracted to me?"

"Jamie... you've had the same body since college. Did you **not** catch me staring?"

"You stared with a glare to your eyes, like you found me lacking in any _human_ qualities."

"Hmm... really?" Lukas stared off to the side in contemplation. "I thought I used my 'come hither' stare on you." He got up off his knees and reached for the camera on the nightstand. He sat on the bed, next to Ben to play with the buttons.

"No. I would have noticed that. I watched your eyes a lot. Always loved your eyes. Maybe your lips... and your hands..." Ben watched how much more interested Lukas was in the camera than him. "That's almost four hours of footage. You really don't feel like going back to sleep?"

Lukas glanced up, smiling broadly. "I don't have to get up, like some people. I'll sleep while you're at school."

"College."

"Still a fuckin' _school_ , Jamie."

"The way you say it, you make it sound like I'm attending school. Like in the first grade."

"Jesus... it's a tone to my voice. Damn your ears are awful sensitive." Lukas now climbed in backward. He shuffled underneath the covers. He sat up high on the bed of pillows against the headboard.

Ben crawled in after him. He went to turn off the bedside lamp. He lay on his right side, facing Lukas. "If you don't mind, I'm gonna zone this out and sleep."

Lukas reached over to brush through Ben's hair on the pillow next to his arm. "Do you want me to go get some earphones or something?"

"Nah. If it starts to bother me, I'll leave or... put a pillow over my head to drown it out."

As Lukas pressed the PLAYBACK button to begin at the top of the four hours... he admitted he was pleased to be watching this footage without having to sneak behind Ben's back. He wasn't a pervert, wanting to salivate over Brian and Michael sex. All he wanted to do was discover _exactly_ what Ben saw and tried to capture with his own eyes. More often than not, Ben did listen to Lukas, even if he moped while doing it.

By the first shot of Brian and Michael dancing in the middle of Brian's floor... Lukas knew he was in for something very rare, a glimpse of two people's lives. A close in-depth look into a long-standing relationship that bordered on romantic. _Hmmm..._ sounded familiar to him. He was captivated by the second Brian harshly told Ben to turn the camera OFF, but Michael told Ben to leave it ON. The rest was unbelievably shocking and riveting, not to mention heart wrenching.

For those two men to go through so much to remain friends, defying all sense and logic. And to still manage to love and grow, mature into who they were today. Lukas was nearly in love with them as a couple too. They were mesmerizing together. Lukas had never laughed so hard in his life, during the "interviews". Of course since Ben was asleep, Lukas kept his loud chuckles inside, but the tears still fell out of his eyes.

When it came time to venture into the bedroom footage, Lukas felt almost as apprehensive as Michael did. Knowing what kind of position he'd been put in. He had almost told Michael (on screen) to lock himself in the bathroom and never come out. It seemed terrible to watch them feel like they were being _forced_ to show their love... poked and prodded like lab rats. But realizing Michael had Brian there to walk him through, almost was the salve needed.

But then once Lukas watched the footage of them on the bed... he was enthralled for _another_ reason. These two men looked like they _belonged_ together, but someone had tripped them up early on their relationship and made them feel unworthy of one another. The way Brian took care of Michael, the way Michael saw through Brian's 'tough guy' exterior... they oddly complimented each other.

When the actual sex act began... Lukas felt in no way was he watching porn or that he was invading someone's private life. They were natural with one another, hence the naturalness to forget the camera was there. He didn't even feel like he was watching two gay guys fucking each others' brains out. These were two people _in love_ _**making love**_. They were so good. If they had been a religion, Lukas would begin to worship on their altar. He did get a little uncomfortable under the sheets, but it was mostly because Ben had tried to mess with something _this real_... _this special_... _this sacred_. At the proper time, Lukas would read Ben the riot act for trying to screw around with perfection. He slid closer to Ben; Ben slid an arm over his lap, tucking his body to Lukas' side.

All in all, Lukas came away with _one_ conclusion... Brian and Michael _were_ a couple even without the sex. It was never about the sex between them. It was all that action, _the subtle mannerisms and dialogue_ , that went on before the sex. No one else could even interfere with what they had once they truly got together. Lukas had no doubts that's what was going on now as he was laying here with Ben by his side.

Brian and Michael couldn't have ONE NIGHT, and one night alone. 

Ben was simply a time waster, gathering moss.

Lukas didn't doubt that if things hadn't been shifted like _this_... _if he hadn't come to Pittsburgh; if Ben's job had run smoothly..._ Ben and Michael would have gone on with their relationship and possibly married or become more permanent. And the true tragedy would have been... destroying what Brian and Michael could have had as a couple... _partners_... _best friends for life_.

Lukas had no qualms about what he was going to do. He skipped back to a certain point in the footage, finding the moment at which the interview turned into the bedroom scene... and he began erasing the film. This would upset Ben and his Dad, for sure. This would also leave Ben with only the interview footage and what he could recall from the sex that night he might or might not have seen.

For some unknown reason, Lukas felt a kinship with those men, Brian and Michael. He felt a deep respect for them and their bond... their love and their affection for one another... completely understanding their fears and thoughts. No one would know but Lukas what really happened to the video card. He'd given Brian and Michael back their one night without them even knowing. And Ben could keep trying to forget images he probably couldn't bear to watch even when they were happening in front of him.

Lukas reached over Ben's form to place the camera back on the nightstand. If Ben woke up before him, he could take the thing with him as he left. He climbed back under the warm covers to snuggle his back to Ben's chest. He soon felt the strong, sleepy arms encircle him from behind.

"Done already?"

"Eh... fast forwarded through most of it."

"Liar." Ben muttered, kissing Lukas' nape and nuzzling his shoulder.

"Oh, well... _whatever_... went a lot quicker than you thought, Jamie. Some good footage though."

"You gonna sleep or talk my ear off all night?"

"Well, geez, the choice I really want isn't there. I'll choose sleep, I guess."

"Did they get you horny?"

"No... actually... they make me feel like loving you more. Strange, I know, but true." Lukas rolled over, kissed Ben soundly on the lips, then fell back into his original position.

"Mmmm... tell me about it in the morning..."

"Oh, sure. Maybe. If I'm awake."

"Lukas..."

"Yup.. sorry... shutting up now..." Lukas felt Ben bring his hand up to absently pet his chest hair, playing with the soft curls. Ben buried his face in his blond curls on top of his head and drifted off into sleep, warm breath on his neck. Lukas wasn't too far behind, wishing he had done this a lot sooner.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

The weirdness of the night started off with a kiss under the chains at the front entrance of Babylon.

Wasn't like they hadn't seen it done before, by the same two men. It was the sentiment behind the kiss. Normally it was one over the other. Honey-haired man bending low, stealing the breath from his dark-haired partner. Or the raven-haired man standing on his tip-toes to smooch his brown-haired companion. _**This**_ _time... was different_. There was equal action and reaction. No dominance, just acceptance. Lips met lips, sending pulses of emotion through both mens' bodies, because their hands rubbed over each others' backs, down their flanks and over the backsides. This wasn't something they'd regularly do in front of Babylon's lowly nightlife.

What was weird was... Brian Kinney. They saw him, but he sure didn't look like the original. They knew it was the usual significant change that overtook him as he accompanied his best friend, Michael Novotny, around the club floor. But tonight... there was _something_ subtly changed about not only one man, but the other too.

Brian didn't have his arm wrapped around his friend's neck, dangling down his arm, like usual. But, this time, his arm was secured tight about Michael's trim waist, catching on the jeans. And... _dear god those jeans... whew!_ Though they had seen better days, they certainly gave Michael the right advantage he'd need to score tonight, _**if**_ he wanted. Even Michael carried himself differently. Gone was the skittering nerves, the easy smile and the doe-soft brown eyes that continually wanted to be your "friend".

Nope... tonight... Brian and Michael were certainly gonna put on a show for their audience like they'd never seen. The regular patrons who knew of both men were riveted and captivated by the powerful stance both took as not only their own person, but one anothers' mate.

_And what the fuck was up with the hand-holding?_ If they weren't holding hands, they're hands were on each others' waists or hips. If they weren't on each others' waists or hips, they were lost in the back of their hair, over the napes and down their backs. Sometimes they slipped their hands over the rears and into pockets. When the audience of the evening saw the hands disappearing up under clothing... they sighed in contentment. 

They stayed at the bar for longer than usual, mostly soaking up the presence of being at Babylon and picking the right time to step out to the dance floor. They even seemed strange at the bar counter. Men were bumping into them, trying to distract them from one another, but _**no one**_ was successful. Especially when those once soft brown eyes fiercely glared at random men to keep away from Brian. Brian would tame the "beast within" and kiss away Michael's fears, which would turn into some serious tongue play that made some people stop... and stare.

When they finally decided to enter the dance floor, it was by a simple gesture of Brian Kinney's head... and then Michael Novotny agreed... taking his best friend's hand. They didn't walk one behind the other, always side-by-side. They didn't do their normal choice of position, center of the floor. They stood on the edge, bodies close... arms loosely around one another... dancing in sync. Where usually the hazel eyes would wander to seek out eventual prey... this time he brought his prey with him. At certain points, Brian would lower his head, making it look as if _**predator**_ _was caught_. He raised his arms, locking the biceps around Michael's neck, meshing foreheads and never breaking apart from his companion.

Hands touching, caressing... tickling and exploring. Michael looked at Brian and appeared trapped between lust and love. Love was certainly forefront, the way he coaxed Brian to lift his eyes to look at him. Gone was the hesitant kiss and touch, replaced by strong grips and kisses that proclaimed possession.

They'd been perfecting the same moves for years. This strange shift in their dynamic forced them to notice that their comfort level was being tested. Not that they tried to hide things, but that their steps and moves now were clear, more determined and purposeful, slow and never-ending. They found themselves slow dancing to fast songs. Whatever Babylon's DJs considered "slow songs", they moved as if they were still, swaying hips with arms dangling off one anothers' body.

When the multi-colored strobes and the dancing spotlights weren't illuminating them, darkness took over. That's when they sought each others' carnal desires, when they kissed deeper, tongues lapping and dueling... mouths ferociously tasting, bodies molding... and hands groping. They would draw away too late some moments, allowing people to realize... this _wasn't_ their normal routine.

Something was wrong. Brian Kinney hadn't left the dance floor since he arrived. They had moved to dead center of the floor, surrounded by a nonchalant, adoring public. Brian hadn't even abandoned Michael _once_ to go exploring. Bodies were on alert mode, a bit unnerved to see something so constant change in an instant. They were closely watching, although cleverly disguised in a fake _"Nah, I really don't care"_ mode.

But one pair of eyes _did_ care, _a little too much_. Sharp baby blues stared in amazement as he watched the scene unfold. Not that he couldn't believe it, he always knew it was inevitable. The ticking timebomb ready to explode at anytime. If asked, Justin Taylor could never really say _**why**_ he didn't want Michael to have Brian. Could be because after years of being in the closet he'd been teased and ridiculed, bashed/battered and left for dead, he had enough. He hated weakness... his father taught him that well. Mostly in himself, but he hated it immensely in others.

Though Michael was the older of them, Justin still found Michael weak, childish and a bit on the peculiarly dim-witted side. At times, he was defenseless and not an ounce of manliness to spare. So Justin chose to pick on Michael... simply because he _could_.

Tonight would be no exception.

The minute the blond twink climbed down from the balcony and made his way to the dance floor, he never knew a series of protective eyes had been watching his every move. That they had even tirelessly watched him all those nights before. The way he "pretended" to bump into the dancing couple... breaking their momentum and causing them to split apart for the rest of the evening. It used to be fun, watching this blond twink keep bringing Brian Kinney back into his clutches. Now... it was sad, pathetic. It was played-out, old and tired. For the last few months, maybe more, they'd seen those sorrow-filled dark brown eyes of Michael Novotny all too many times... to let it happen just once more...

Tonight would be the exception.  


**~~TBC...**


	19. Chapter 19

  
Somehow the dance floor shifted, morphing into a glob of human flesh. It was becoming its own entity, shielding any chance of Justin making it toward Brian and Michael. Two failed attempts to enter the crowds caused him to lose sight of their heads bent together. When he did find them again, strange men kept coming at him. Caressing his body, touching his most sensitive parts. They wanted him to pick or choose them for the next song or a quick fuck in the backroom, but he was intent on _one thing_ . 

Brian and Michael were getting lost in the shuffle of male bodies. The window of opportunity for Justin to interrupt them was passing. Brian was wrapping his arm around Michael's neck and shoulders, whispering something close to the tiny ear. Michael nodded, chuckling deeply, his eyes opening and closing in secret pleasure.

They headed off the dance floor in even steps. One **not** following the other, but _side-by-side_.

At one point, someone had jolted Michael from his position and out of sheer instinct he pulled away from Brian. But, immediately, the young man was apologizing for aggressively dancing into Michael's way; he was wiping the water he sloshed on the soft shirt. Brian never let go of Michael's hand. In fact, when Michael pulled away... he snagged the small waist about the left hip, holding Michael to his chest. He snickered at a few words Michael had spoken to the young man, then nuzzled the pale neck near his face.

They were moving toward the backroom. Brian's hands were around Michael's hips, walking behind him. But then they walked beside one another again. They strolled through, arms tight about each other, gazing around them. The backroom seemed darker, the fucking more intense, the sucking more noisy and the orgasms nearly volcanic.

All these years, Michael had been down here for several different reasons. Usually to _find_ Brian, before he left or to see how much longer he would be forced to wait before leaving. Once-in-a-great-while he had liked picking a quiet corner, rucking up his shirt hem and sticking his hands down his jeans to jerk himself off before he went to look for Brian. Sometimes there would be enough darkness, and drunkenness, to make him look appealing. That's when Michael would let men do _anything_ , except _fuck_ him. When he was younger, he had never wanted to find himself needing to fuck in the backroom, but as he grew older he didn't mind it as much. As long as the guy thrusting in him kept it fully anonymous and refrained from touching or kissing him in some loving manner, like they were suddenly boyfriends. He had simply wanted to do up his jeans and leave. Michael had been able to withstand fucking in the backroom if he could conjure up the fact it was **Brian** behind him, plunging in and out of him. It only worked a few random times, before he couldn't stand it anymore. Without having the _real thing_ , it simply wasn't worth the emotional sacrifice he suffered.

Brian Kinney practically lived down here. Not only was Babylon like a "home", the backroom was his _quasi-bedroom_... his _playroom_. He never stayed too long upstairs before he had to venture down below. He was game for most everything any gay heart desired, within reason. He liked the power it gave him, the draw and the energy he felt permeating the wide open spaces. He recalled his first day here, patrolling with Michael. How they had stared rudely, getting hard and then trying to masturbate in some seedy private corner. They had found that wasn't such a good thing to do, especially the waiting. They discovered that once the sex was over, so was their chance at an orgasm. So they would find that secluded "corner", face one another, foreheads meshing, nervous and clammy hands down each others' jeans... and they would make the other cum. They didn't do this often, because Michael became shy and introverted when it came to sex. Mostly, he was trying to protect his heart; Brian simply needed Michael there.

The first time Brian had wandered into the backroom without Michael, he was scared. Not scared enough to run away from sex, but it never felt the same without his best friend guiding him through. His first couple of times experiencing sex in the backroom he had allowed men to suck him, had allowed them to fuck him and had given a few blowjobs, as well. But he had a difficult time ejaculating without feeling dirty or guilty, like he was committing an evil sin. So... he had begun to close his eyes and had imagined Michael doing the things that had been done to him. Brian had discovered he could cum harder than he ever thought; the men loved it. The first man who had wanted to take Brian, from behind, looked like an older version of Michael. Well, dark hair and pale skin, which had turned Brian on. That was enough for him without really _being_ Michael.

Thus had became the trend for Brian. The reason why he always stared for long periods of time at men he was preying on. He was trying to find an _aspect of Michael_ so he could stomach the encounter and find a comforting release. On the odd occasion he had chosen someone randomly, and he couldn't find "Michael"... he had closed his eyes, losing himself in that long ago memory of Michael's hands down his jeans, stroking him... adding more fantasy where he _actually_ was fucking him. Brian had been guaranteed to cum then, but never apologized if he had happened to call out Michael's name in the process.

Brian and Michael looked around to scope out the scene, attempting to notice areas that were available that fit both their criteria. Brian was looking for the utmost privacy, _no one else around_. Michael was looking for the specific backdrop, from his fantasy. Nothing else would do, unless Brian disagreed. Michael knew he had seen this portion of the backroom that had infested his dreams once before. _Damn, if he could place it now._ Brian saw something almost as soon as Michael was about ready to give up, crossing his arms and pouting. He was even ready to drop his jeans and let Brian have him right on the floor, frustration overruling passion.

"C'mon..." Brian caught the beginnings of a pouty face. "I found a _good_ spot." He was about to walk away when he realized Michael wasn't moving.

"Where?" Michael put up his hands in defeat. "I can't even see your face down here, much less a..." He felt his lips being taken, the familiar tongue dodging through his mouth, sampling his saliva. His heart raced at the surprising contact. It nearly swept him off his feet, before Brian caught him in his embrace. "That... was trippy. I felt you... I feel you... but I didn't know where you were..."

Not sparing an inch apart, Brian stared into Michael's eyes. "Do you _trust_ me? Because I'll lead you over, if you trust me." His voice was hushed only for Michael's ears.

" _I do... I do... I do..._ " Michael was beyond excited now.

"Stop bouncing on your feet."

"Why?"

"I like it when you do that. I can't see you that well. I want you to save all your actions for later." Brian turned himself to make like a two-man conga line. “Just between us.” He plastered Michael's hands on either side of his rib cage. "Don't let me go, Mikey. If anyone grabs you, kick 'em. I can't see too good behind me. The only way I know you're gone is if your hands aren't _on me_ anymore."

"All right." Michael stuck himself to Brian's back. "I'm ready. Lead on, I'll follow."

Brian was determined to get to where he had found the spot. Not many people knew of it. They thought it was off limits, maybe because it was so difficult to get to. He knew of the area because he had spied one of the maintenance men fixing the underbelly of the stairs one night. The guy had been hot and completely fuckable... but Brian had stopped his instinct to pursue fucking the "help". They reached the flat of one solid wall, no laden with cum stains and sweat.

"Whew!" Michael fell off to the side, wiping an arm over his brow like they'd walked the desert. "That wasn't so bad."

"It's worse Fridays and Saturdays." Brian moved to lean on his back, resting beside Michael on the big wall. “Sundays... eh, not so much.”

Michael turned his head to look Brian in the face. A face he could _actually see_ from the recessed light above their heads. "HI..." He waved, then cleared his throat. "Look... this won't be a regular thing for us. Maybe once a month, if that." He crossed arms over his chest, lone eyebrow raised.

Brian looked at Michael under his lowered lashes. "Are you making 'future' plans with me?"

Michael turned to lean on his left side facing Brian. "Yes. Sound fucked? I don't think we're doing this 'affair' thing all that well."

Brian lifted both eyebrows, a new thought in his mind. "Maybe it's not."

"What?"

"An affair. Maybe we say it's an 'affair' to give it some kind of name, but it's not really what it is." _God..._ that even _sounded_ peculiar to say, the way it had been in Brian's head..

"Then what do we call _**this**_... _between us_?"

" _Brian and Michael : Better Than Ever._ "

"Nah... _Brian and Michael : FULLY LOADED._ "

Brian cracked up laughing; his hazel eyes were sparkling hilarity at Michael. _"Brian and Michael : Part Duex... Back In The Saddle._ "

"Eh... those were lame." Michael slid to conform his body with Brian's side. "Maybe this isn't even our 'sequel'. We're like The Original... but buffed and shiny, with better characterization and writing." He watched Brian lean his head back in some kind of pleasure, his long neck exposed to the lighting. Michael swiveled to face the solid wall. He rubbed it like it was a part of his lover's body. "Is _this_... where we're getting it on? Sorry... not impressed. Looks like a wall to me."

"Oh... ye of little faith." Brian winked, smirking as he snatched Michael's belt loops. He began tugging him, walking backwards. He was slinking them along the wall, coming up on _a private nook_... _a secret corner_ under the tall metal staircase.

Up above, they could see the balcony risers of Babylon, the flashes of strobes and intense spotlights ricocheting off the structure around them.

"Damn... got our own little light show, too? Are we going Broadway Musical?" Michael felt the poking and tickling. "Hehehehe... it's perfect, Brian." He dragged Brian close. "... like you..." He stole a kiss and some air, for safekeeping.

"Look behind you..." Brian spun Michael around, hands on his hips as he slid them up and down Michael's thighs.

Michael grinned excitedly, lost in Brian's trance. He was looking at this decadent velvet fainting couch... or chaise lounge. _What was it doing in Babylon?_ Straight out of the 18th century. But he blinked rapidly, his own breath catching. "This... is gonna sound eerie, but... _everything_... is similar to what was in my fantasy. But... my dreams don't have the fantastic special effects." He pointed up to the ceiling of light.

They heard a **POP** sound which meant that streamers and confetti were shooting from the ceiling over the dance floor. But what they didn't expect was that for the areas of the balcony, above them, long tails of white silk would stream from the rafters. Two of them fell right in their "spot". They backed up in fright, watching as their lounging couch became surrounded by a curtain of white, blocking out anyone trying to see _**in**_.

"Holy shit!" Michael shied away, huddling into Brian's chest.

Brian couldn't help laughing away his fright. "I was... uhm... I didn't plan that. I swear."

"It would have been such a bonus if you had, but you chose this spot. That means _something_." Michael swayed with Brian, backing up to slide his body along the white material. He cupped Brian's hips in the leather pants. "My fantasy has bigger spacial requirements."

"A closet would be bigger than this spot."

"After my rat incident... I'm not fitting closets into my fantasies any longer."

"You have _closet_ fantasies, too??"

"Oh, yeah. Don't you?"

"No. I had _bathroom stall_ fantasies."

"No. Not the same." Michael moved to lay down on the couch, bringing Brian with him, hovering over his form.

"Really?" Brian tilted his head in honest interest. Michael had such a quirky intellect, he loved to hear his views. "Cramped quarters... the fact someone could wander in on you..." 

Michael shook his head in disagreement. "Closet?... the door closes, there's four walls. A bathroom stall?... you're lucky if you have four _complete_ walls and ... _yikes_... acoustic tiles. Plus... you know... toilet. Not that sexy."

"Something to sit on."

"Or fall into, if there's no lid." Michael quirked his mouth like he spoke from experience.

"Good point." Brian couldn't stop chuckling. “I change my mind."

"I'm boring you, aren't I?" Michael reached up to grab Brian's face, pulling it closer, making them nose to nose.

Brian bent to remain a millimeter from Michael's lips. "I love your mind. 'Sides... I already told you what we did earlier was enough for me. I don't need..."

Michael drew up his left leg to rest along the back of the couch, which brought his groin closer to Brian's stomach. "So... _why_ _ **are**_ _we here_?" He tucked Brian's hair behind an ear.

"Because..."

"Yes...?"

"I've wanted you back here with me... like we were before." Brian rubbed their foreheads together. "But I didn't want you just as my 'wack' buddy... I wanted to fuck you..."

"Oh... is _**that**_ all?" Michael chuckled, his dick hardening at the feel of Brian laying on him, hands sculpting his already tight jeans.

"Yeah... not so fancy in the fantasy, tame if you ask me."

"Well, Brian... you practically live here. I doubt I could really..." Michael wrapped his legs around Brian's waist, thrusting up toward the hard cock hidden under soft leather with ease. He found that having this cock ring around him, he became awful nimble and flexible. "... do anything to impress you... that you haven't seen or done before."

Brian lifted an eyebrow. "Oh... you _think_ so...?" He would love to find out.

"Eh... maybe... why don't we try a few things my mind likes to create for us..."

"Oh... jesus..."

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Justin had wandered all over the upstairs of Babylon, in search of either Brian or Michael. Then just Michael because he might know where Brian went off to. He was geared for the backroom, his body throbbing with want. He knew who and what he needed, but not being able to find it was making him very, _very_ perturbed. He padded his Khaki pants to make sure he had his condoms handy. He moseyed down the stairs, not even realizing he was walking over the _very two people_ he was looking for. When he jumped off the last step, swinging around to face the bevy of men, he couldn't find a single one who looked like Brian.

Most noises down here drowned out with everything else. The club music muffled and the sounds of sex infiltrating the ear drums. But there was one distinct sound Justin kept hearing in the overlay of other noises. He went around the room, from one end to the other, searching for the individual making the sound. He was also hoping to catch Brian's arrival, if he hadn't come down yet. Whenever this happened, Justin would chose to start finding his own twink.

Didn't take too long for him to find a willing prey, either. Tall, _like him_... thick body, _like Chris Hobbs_... flat against the wall, face first. He was masturbating to the fucking going on nearby. Probably having lost the man who was supposed to _take care of him_. Jeans and boxers were halfway down to his mid-thighs. Justin approached with a fire in his eyes, immediately taking the young man's cock in his steady hand.

"Need some help with that?" Justin smirked, his blue eyes alight with the ability to make anyone younger than him feel conquered or overpowered. Brian had taught him well. Plus... maybe it was a good motivator to have a Hobbs look-a-like to cocktease and fuck into the wall until he screamed out his release. Justin's mind went off into some other realm of violent dominance.

" _Yes... please..._ " The young man was cuter than Hobbs, passably adorable. A little frightened, but way past being simply horny. He was ready to orgasm with the right assistance. Not only was he interested in the stroking, he would thrust his naked ass backward... as if seeking fulfillment of another kind. Wanting cock and knowing that any cock would do... apparently.

Justin took his empty hand, rubbing the tight bubble butt. He slid his fingers over the red skin. Looked as if someone had spanked the young boy raw. He slipped down the sore crack, massaging the puckered hole. "Do you... _want it_?" His face came as close as he wanted it to be.

" _Uhhhhhh... yes..._ " The jittery voice shook with desire, eyes closing in earnest lust.

"How bad?"

The young man gulped, sliding his clothes completely down past his knees, almost to his calves. He turned to face the wall again, his backside bumping Justin's groin, fitting him nicely while he was clothed. " _Bad.. enough..._ " He cried out in a mournful moan as if he'd been waiting for **his** turn with the man fucking the other young man next to Justin.

Blue eyes caught black pupils, Justin smiled in understanding. It was as if the man was giving permission to "have" his second twink he had brought down from upstairs. Justin knew what he should do next, but as he unzipped, sliding his pants and underwear down his naked skin... he looked to his left. He wondered why so many guys were looking up, so he did too.

Hanging up above him, to the left, was a lengthy mirror dangling from the ceiling at an angle. Babylon's "interior decorator" trying to simulate mirrors over the bed. To give the "romantic" effect they wanted for the back room.

Justin could swear he saw a flash of Brian's hair, in the reflection above him. That beautiful face caught in orgasmic pleasure... but it was gone. He shook his head to clear his inebriated mind, then took out his first condom, ripping the packet open. He sheathed himself and prepared to penetrate the entrance, practically begging for him to slide in. But his want of Brian made him look up for another glimpse and what he saw... _was Michael_. That's when he spun around... and then heard that distinctive sound, from earlier, when he strolled in.

" _Hey! Where you going?!_ " The young man begged as he breathed heavily, feeling more than rejected... a little exposed. " _What'd I do wrong?!_ "

Justin was trapped, caught between finding Brian... finding Michael... or relieving his own pent up sexual needs for tonight. He seemed to gravitate toward finding Michael, even though they had that weird moment upstairs. He had actually felt like Michael might punch him in the face... certainly mega-weird on the weird scale. "Nothing... sorry. I just... have some business to take care of..."

"Cocktease!" The young man leaned weakly on the wall, finding that the black eyes of his friend's random lover were gazing down at his spread ass cheeks. He offered himself, hands pressed to the wall. He felt the fingers enter him, then looked over at his friend as he watched him get thoroughly fucked. He bent to kiss his friend's open lips, caught up in the sexual euphoria of the moment. His friend kissed him back and... _they never stopped_... Their mutual lover couldn't have been more pleased.

Justin was attempting to follow the noise, but he couldn't pick it up again as he wandered around. And he still couldn't _see_ Brian or Michael anywhere. _So... what was happening with these ceiling mirrors to catch where the two people were that he was looking for, but couldn't find with his own eyes?_ He found himself a pillar to lean on for balance, looking up to see yet another mirror, hanging from a similar angle. He stood there, waiting and sure enough... there was Brian. Justin turned to look in that same direction and couldn't see Brian's face. Raising his head to look into the mirror, blue eyes widened on Michael's face... the way he looked as if he was cumming and cumming in a spiraling climax.

But when Michael had disappeared before, this time his face stayed in the reflection. Justin didn't dare turn around or lose him, like he had lost Brian. So he watched Michael... he actually leaned against the post in the dark and watched Michael having one orgasm after another. His perfectly pale neck arching backward as his brown-haired lover attacked his throat and sucked at his nipples. Michael looked really... _really_ hot and sexy. Justin shook his head, closing his eyes. Not capable of believing his cock could actually find someone like Michael that attractive. What he was witnessing was astounding. He never thought Michael capable of it. Especially with the gorgeous college professor to go home to.

He bit the inside of his mouth, curious as to where Michael was getting fucked to watch him and his mysterious lover. Justin chuckled because Brian was actually missing _**this**_... and he would probably be pissed. Then he heard it again... _that strange noise_ , but it wasn't weird anymore. He could finally identify the sound.

"Giggles?" Justin shook his head in wild wonderment. _Who giggles while they're fucking?_ He glanced up into the mirror to see if maybe he could spot Brian again, but it was only more of Michael. This time... Michael was bare chested, walking backward toward the wall behind him. His long pale, dark-haired legs visible in between the white sheets from the ceiling. He almost threw himself against the wall, his mysterious lover charged at him. The man sank lower, down the flat chest to dip his face in dark pubic hair. Michael's fingers threaded through the brown sweat-drenched locks, then they clamped down on creamy shoulders.

Michael was certainly getting a decent blowjob, Justin was very impressed. The man spun Michael around to face the wall, pinning him by just one hand, trailing the other one along Michael's entire frame. The man's ass was naked, as well, which suggested pretty soon Michael would be getting fucked. _God,_ Justin wished he could view more, but between the odd reflection and those stupid white dangling sheets, he couldn't help but get an obstructed view.

Justin sighed, thinking Brian must have left or got bored... like _**he**_ was becoming. Maybe Brian was upset that he couldn't find Michael once he had gotten lucky. Justin would be tickled to break the news that Michael was... _uhm_ , happily being entertained.

"Hey! Blondie! You gonna use that thing! Or leave it out to get harder and harder?"

Justin followed the finger pointing at his groin to find out that he had been so wasted and excited... he had forgotten to put _himself_ back in his pants. He still had the condom on, as well. "You got a use for it?" He almost didn't care now, just wanting desperately to cum and leave.

"First of all..." The beefy hand came out to grab Justin lightly about the throat and deposited him in the new position. "... I'd put you _**here**_... and then do _**this**_..."

Justin was pushed back against the wall, watching the older man sink to his knees. He was willing to suck him through the rubber. As he grabbed onto the guy's head, filtering through his short crew cut, Justin raised unfocused baby blues to find Brian standing not too far from him. He was unaware of Justin being down here. "Hey! Bri-..." He stopped, not even able to hear his own voice much less be sure Brian could.

" _Will you quit it!! Come on... we don't have much time!_ " Brian sounded as if he was slightly agitated with his companion. _But who would he know that well down here that he could talk that way with?_

" _Okay... Okay..._ " Michael was hefting his tight jeans back up his naked ass, jumping up and down to get them just right without damaging his sensitive skin. " _Okay! Whew!_ " He was simply satisfied with getting them up and over his fat ass. " _I am never wearing these jeans again for as long as I live! By the way..._ " He tried to twist and contort his body to fit his still hard cock inside.

Justin's jaw dropped.

Brian tugged Michael close, doing some kind of quick magic trick that saved Michael's dick from harm and zipped him up. " _You aren't doing that! No! I'm keeping them in my special drawer of all our old clothes... and we will dress in them whenever one of us asks._ " He bent down for a sweet kiss, sliding along Michael's cheek to his ear. " _How many condoms do we have left?_ "

Justin's eyes went wide. They sounded almost like two teenagers in love, giggling and poking one another. And they wouldn't stop _touching_ each other.

" _Four or five. I think one might need a factory recall notice._ "

" _Damn! Well... we'll pick up more on our way out._ "

" _Don't you have any at the Loft?_ "

" _Yeah... sure. But..._ " Brian lowered his head to touch forehead to forehead with Michael, a little more friendlier than usual. More like a treasured lover. " _I was wondering if you ever had any fantasies of... uhm, alleyway sex... Brian's Jeep sex... or Brian's creepy-elevator-sex (as it's in motion)...?_ "

_Who was_ _**this** _ _Brian Kinney?_ Sure didn't sound like him... like a, uh... boyfriend... eager to "get it on" with his... "boyfriend". Justin had never heard that particular voice, never even knew Brian was capable of it. 

" _Oh, my... I've begun the avalanche to my own debauchery..._ "

Brian snatched Michael's hand, pulling him close. " _As long as no one cares... or knows what we're doing..._ _ **you**_ _... are mine until I'm done with you..._ " He ran his free hand through Michael's sweaty locks; Michael turned his face to bite the forearm that was caressing him.

It was pretty clear they _both_ were on fire for one another.

Michael grabbed the back of Brian's head, forcing hazel eyes to stare into his passion-filled brown ones. " _ **You**_ _... will never be done with me, Kinney. You know it. Just like that flimsy_ _ **one night**_ _crock of bullshit._ "

" _You are soooooo right."_ Brian let Michael play rough with him, stealing kisses and breath. " _C'mon... let's go dirty my sheets some more without being filmed._ "

" _Oh, yeah?_ " Dark eyebrow lifted, Michael smirked as if he had some deep, dark secret to divulge.

Justin couldn't help but close his eyes the minute he felt the first surge of orgasm inside. The guy went back to jerking him, fascinated by the thickness of the semen filling the condom tip.

"Whoa... sonnyboy... you got a mighty load there for such a little thing." The man took off the condom, throwing it on the floor.

"Don't call me _**that**_! And... I'm **not** _little_!" Justin did up his pants, stuffing himself back inside his underwear. His heart breaking more than he was willing to admit, which was why he was sounding so bratty.

"Grow a pair, kid." The man got up off his knees to push Justin away. “I could be worse to you, you know?”

"Yeah... I do." Justin remained where he was, then stomped off to run back up the way Brian and Michael left. He only wanted to make sure he was _actually_ seeing what he was seeing. When he got up to the balcony railing, what he could see was the back of Brian disappearing through the chains hanging in the front entrance.

And that... was the end of the Brian and Michael show... for Justin Taylor... and all of Babylon.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

When Brian woke up, reaching out for the tiny, curvy hip that was readily within his grasp, he felt cold sheets and empty space. "Wha-?!" He jerked up in fright, quickly throwing off the covers, not caring if he was naked. "Michael?" He called out, a bit to wobbly for his own tastes; his heart picked up a pace to think Michael could have left him. Done what Brian had done to countless of other men he'd fucked before Michael. He didn't even walk into the living room, he crossed the end of his bed. "Mich-...?" He stopped short of the second bedroom doorway, nearest his closets. He could see Michael from where he was. He put a hand to his chest, hopefully it hadn't leapt out. He bit the inside of his cheek and snatched up the end hem of his comforter.

Michael was still in the loft. Tuckered out, sleeping where he sat. Indian style, high up on one of the breakfast nook stools. His arms were folded on the counter; his head resting on his forearms. He was dozing quite peacefully. He had redressed in his tight jeans, and one of Brian's long-sleeved shirts, unbuttoned. Simply hanging off his body for warmth and comfort.

Brian noticed the beer bottle and the empty napkin, with the half of a sandwich. Two bites taken of that last half and Michael must have felt so tired he lay his head down and passed out. Brian stepped closely, working the material of the comforter, and his completely naked body, around Michael's hunched back. The shirt wasn't quite straight across Michael's neck so Brian tried to adjust the collar only to pull back the fabric and find some slight, dark pink scratches on the pale skin. Clear signs of Brian's fingernails embedding the delicate surface. He bent to kiss the markings up to Michael's shoulder blades, then he rested his cheek on the back of the dark raven hair.

Michael could sense the change in his surroundings. The intense warmth Brian always brought with him, the musky smell of sex and... well, Brian's cologne. "Your addiction to me isn't normal." He spoke on a yawn, re-closing his dark eyes.

Brian tenderly kissed Michael's cheek and nuzzled his ear. "It's gets noticeably chillier a lot sooner in my bed _without_ you." He hugged both arms around Michael's torso.

"Ahhhhhh... mope-ish guilt does not sound attractive on you."

"How long have you been awake?" Brian rubbed his face along the back of Michael's neck, keeping him down on the counter.

"Awhile." Michael cleared his throat. "I watched you sleep." He sighed when he felt Brian snuggle closer to him. "Then... I got hungry. You looked exhausted. Didn't move once when I got up. I know I wore you out." He closed his eyes in earnest coyness. He stretched in the curl of his body, making Brian straighten his body. "I was amazed you had bread and it wasn't molded, yet. Made a sandwich." He rose his own body to look over his shoulder at the face bending toward him. "Then I sat here to eat it..." He handed Brian the rest of his sandwich. It was gone in three bites. Then he handed over the beer. "... put my head down... and that was all she wrote."

Brian slurped at the beer, jerking his head back as if he was thirsty. "I know you were tired too." He rested his chin on top of Michael's head. “I was shocked you lasted so long once we finally got in bed.”

Both their eyes flicked over to the couch, where the cushions were in disarray. That had been their FIRST stop after shutting the door on the world and setting the security code.

Brian moved his gaze away before Michael. He took one more small gulp of beer, then let Michael have the rest. "You look pensive... contemplative..." He wrapped his arms around Michael's biceps, pulling him flush to his chest.

_Typical!_ Brian throwing big words at him. "You mean... like I've got something to say?" 

"Yeah... like you got a lot on your beautiful mind." Brian went to slide the shirt off Michael's shoulders, down his arms. He wanted naked skin contact with Michael, feel his breathing and heart beats.

"Don't _you_?" Michael watched Brian undress him out of his own shirt, laying it on the empty stool beside them.

"Right now..." Brian rolled Michael's shoulder bones under his palms. "... I'm simply trying to process our transition from friends to lovers."

Michael went still. "Is _**that**_ what we are?" He smirked, shaking his head. "How terribly cliché of us."

Brian nipped at the side of Michael's temple. "Haven't we always been... _somewhat_? _To an extent_... _without the complications of sex_?"

Michael sighed heavily, letting his hand slip behind him to caress Brian's thighs and mid-hips. "Could be..." He spun around to face Brian. "... why this feels so natural for me, with you. Like we've been this way for years."

Brian nodded his head, his biceps surrounding Michael's neck. This cocooned them in the comforter. "I can't ever **not** see you _somewhere_ in my future." He slid his hands down Michael's back, fully containing Michael within his embrace. "I didn't think the moment when I knew would approach so soon, and I'd be prepared as I am. For it all... for you to be in my life... permanently." He tilted his head as if it sounded odd for him to say and admit to.

"What do you mean?" Michael reached up a hand to cup Brian's stubble, sliding through his drying spiky hair. On anyone else this look would be tragic and horrible. Brian wore unkempt well. "You sound like you're kind of asking me something, but I don't..."

“I don't know. I'm thinking I might need a 'roommate' for the next few weeks.” Brian leaned his face into Michael's hand, needing the touch more than anything else. "Once I get my life squared away... the rent for this place could increase... and I don't want to be _in love_... _and homeless_." He moved his hands back up to rest on Michael's shoulders.

"Asshole." Michael grumbled, squinting his brown eyes at Brian. "You can't simply _ask_ me to move in, because you love and want me with you daily. You have to tack on some... _paltry_ excuse?" He let his hands slip down Brian's chest toward his back. He locked one hand around the wrist of the other hand at Brian's lower back, right above the upper curve of his rear. Michael liked seeing Brian close his eyes in instant pleasure, wondering if at some time those fingers would caress more than just the upper curves.

"I don't want you to think I'm trying to invade your life... _uhm_ , when, or if, you break it off with Ben. I don't want you to feel like you have to sneak out of here an' take a taxi back to your place to avoid the awkwardness of what's going on."

Michael lifted up one eyebrow in curiosity, then lowered his eyes. "How did you know that's what I was thinking of doing?"

**~~TBC...**


	20. Chapter 20

 

Brian gestured over toward the end of the kitchen counter. "The phone book's open to the **T** 's... the cordless is laying in the open spine. I know all the tricks men do." He dipped his head to lean his forehead on Michael's brow. "I also know the fears you have, they're legit. I'm feeling them too." He sniffed and wrapped his arms around Michael, hugging him close. "I'm not letting you run away." 

Michael bent his head to fall on Brian's right shoulder joint. He wiped under his eyes, feeling guilty for even thinking of what he had planned. "I'm not fuckin' running away." He soaked up the feelings he needed from Brian's nearness, then drew away. "Brian, I feel like..." He gently caressed Brian's face with his two hands, running down the same path. "... _jesus_..." He couldn't look at those hazel eyes without crying. "... this sounds utterly bonkers, but I feel like I'm asking so much more of yourself than you're capable of giving. I had no idea Ben would be _this_ way. Or try a seriously fucked-up thing to break us apart by forcing us to face our _one fear_."

Brian planted his hands on the seats of the two stools beside Michael, lowering his head to look into those mesmerizing, watery brown eyes. "But he failed, didn't he? I'm not scared of what's happening. I don't know about you, but I've never felt stronger. About myself or my place in your life. And more than anything... I've never been so totally aware and focused on how much you really _do_ care for me and love me. Even how much we mean to one another... as not only best friends but as equals in _every_ way."

Michael grabbed the sides of Brian's head, leaning their foreheads together. "Brian... sweetie... I can't do it." He began kissing him, separate lone tears falling to show how much he regretted what was about to happen to them. “I can't let you do it.”

Brian's hands naturally bunched into fists, always on the alert when Michael cried. As if he could somehow protect him from the world's unkindness. "What?" He brought up one fist to run the knuckles down the side of Michael's face, making the wetness disappear.

"I can't sit back and watch what Ben might do to you."

Brian closed his eyes, swallowing the lumps lodging in his throat. His heart pumped faster knowing how much Michael was willing to do to protect him. "He can't hurt me, not like you think. If he's so sure it's 'power' that sustains me during sex, he's been sadly mistaken." He almost wanted to smirk at keeping his deepest secret from coming out.

Michael leaned back on the counter, running the backs of his hands down Brian's bare chest. "And you would blow apart his thesis if you told him. So why don't you tell him, Brian? Get him off your tail?"

"Because..."

"What?"

"... then Bruckner would _really_ want to 'study' me. Then I'd get sick and tired of him hanging around me, poking me like I was some freakish lab rat. His own human test subject."

"Can you tell _**me**_?" Michael hooked his hands at Brian's waist, drawing him close, tucking his face in the crevice of neck and collar. "I won't reveal a thing to Ben." He slid his cheek along the upper chest, inhaling Brian's essence, feeling a certain comfort in his strength. "I don't care what he's got to say, what excuses he might use to cover up the real issues. Or the problems he has with me." He stopped caressing Brian, squeezing the chest tight. "I feel betrayed, mostly. Like he thought I was lying all this time about you. Setting me up to disappoint him." He turned his face into Brian's chest. His voice low, almost

whisper-soft. "I guess I have, in a way." 

Brian tightened his lips, but as he distanced his body from Michael's, he hid his frustrations well. _Always... always..._ showing how much he felt for Michael on the surface, never below. Michael could never see what lay beneath his feelings for him. He would certainly rethink his chosen path. "Michael... look at me..." He had to grab Michael's chin, but then the dark lashes swept pale skin. "... Mikey..." The use of his precious nickname made those brown eyes open and glitter with tears. Brian used the perfect tone to cause Michael to listen, alert and awake. His eyes intent on hazel ones looking back at him. "You're _not_ a sinner. You're not dirty or filthy... or wrong in who you are." He let go of Michael's chin, snickering. "I don't know why I've entrusted all these men to feel the same way I do, about you. I thought it was a given, _so obvious_. I didn't lie in my interview answers. You _are_ my ideal man. Even with everything you think makes you a bad, terrible and mean person. They tend to be what causes me to love and want you more. What defines you being 'sexy' to me."

"Hmmm... like my hair..." Michael played with the crazy spikes bed head always gave him.

Brian shook his head, chuckling deeply. He crossed arms over his chest, wrapping himself in the comforter. He was getting a little cold suddenly. " _Christ!_ The hair's fixable. But it's certainly not who you are. I fell in love with you, before anything else. I grew to love the hair, but it's not what made me stay here as long as I have, by your side."

Michael nodded his head in complete agreement, seeing where Brian was coming from. "Even though we were asked to say what turns us 'on' or 'off' about men... that changes in an instant when we face the people we end up loving. No man is perfect. We would never be able to find the men we've described in those answers."

"They live somewhere, in fantasy land. Frankly, I think I've found the one I'm meant for."

Michael blushed, his dark lashes falling on his cheeks again. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."

"We love, because we let ourselves fall... not because we've chosen someone to fall in love with who doesn't exist."

"I like that. I bet you made it up, just now."

"Yeah... I did." It was Brian's turn to get a little flushed.

"So... what's the Great Big Kinney Secret?"

"You really wanna know?"

"Of course. I've already established I'm constantly aware of what makes you tick. Except you'll be happy to know, I'm not writing a novel about a fictitious you or a thesis on the somewhat-real you."

Brian stared Michael down, determined to have these words said so they could go back to bed. "I love you."

Michael smiled, never realizing how he liked the ease at which Brian stated the declaration. "Yup. Got that."

"I love sex."

"Uhm... yeah..." Michael chuckled, leaning back on his elbows, allowing Brian a view of his naked chest and pert nipples. The belly he loved to rub, the tightness of his jeans. "... I tended to notice that over the years."

"I'd do anything _for_ you." Hazel never wavered off brown eyes.

"Mmm-hmm... I've seen it once or twice."

"I'd do whatever I can to get sex, any way I can."

"Oh... okay... is this like one of those SAT word associations I sucked at during the test? MIKEY is to SEX as BRIAN is to... _what?_ "

" _ **What?**_ " Brian squinted his eyes, furrowing his brow.

"No. See -- You tell me." Michael's hands went from one bare chest to the other, when he was on Brian's he slid over to the right breast, feeling the strong steady beats against his skin.

"Oh..." Brian was momentarily caught unawares for a split second. His vision blurring and his hearing in and out of sharpness. "... uhm... where was I?"

Michael's eyes began to flitter over Brian's face, because he saw the gorgeous hazel pupils roll back into Brian's head. "Sweetie... you okay?"

Brian faltered, reaching out to grasp Michael, who was climbing off the stool finally. "Yeah.. I'm just--" He closed his eyes to make the world stop spinning, feeling Michael's strong embrace around his waist. "C-c-can we lay down somewhere? I'm not--"

"Brian... _shit!_ " Michael enveloped Brian and comforter in his arms. "... you're more exhausted than you think. C'mon, we'll walk to the bedroom." He separated man and comfy blanket so Brian wouldn't trip. Didn't matter that Brian was still naked or possibly hard for him. He let Brian use him as a crutch, encouraging him to take one step at a time and use the walls when needed. They made it to the bed where Michael gently sat him down. Brian fell back, taking a few minutes to settle his body, then rolled onto his side to crawl up the mattress toward the headboard. Michael kicked into his "worried Italian mother" mode. He watched Brian climb under the sheets, then settled the comforter back over the entire bed. "Do you feel a headache? Any nausea?"

"No. Just so fuckin' tired." Brian dragged over two pillows, scrunching down on them. "Mikey... I think you might have brought me to the brink of death with your voracious sexual appetite."

"Oh... you flatterer you." Michael brushed the air away with Brian's compliment. "No, I'm pretty certain what's wrong." He tucked Brian in as he walked away. "I'll be back."

" _ **AND I AM NOT A BIG BABY!!**_ " Brian wanted to make that point fairly clear.

Michael chuckled lightly, able to show his fears as he wandered away from Brian's eyes. He covered his face with his palms. "Did I say you were?" _Jesus Christ! Give me a fuckin heart attack, Kinney!!_ He felt pissed, but at who was the question. He went to scrounge around in the fridge to find what he needed. He carried everything to the bedroom. "I'm pretty certain I scored with feeding you that sandwich. Probably not such a hot idea to give you the beer, though."

"What?" Brian flipped over, facing Michael as he wandered over with his armload of food and drink. "Fuck!" He let his head rest on the pillow under him "My head is spinning. Like I'm--"

"Dizzy?" Michael sat on the side of the bed, watching Brian shift over to curl around his back.

"Yeah, but--" Brian lost all sense of thought process, simple vocabulary.

"But _what_?"

"This is such a feminine thing for me to do. Brian Kinney doesn't faint... nor does he collapse."

Michael swiveled his body to face Brian, dragging his right leg up. "You're dehydrated. It's a classic Kinney move for you. Usually you're not sober enough to notice, so you write it off as being high or drunk. Your sugar might be dropping." He handed Brian the tall glass with orange juice, but he refused it. Michael placed it on the nightstand, within reach. "Here... when you sip it, don't gulp it down. I know you're thirsty, but--" He had a ripe banana in his lap, beginning to peel it. "The banana will fill you up without making you want to upchuck. Potassium is good for you." He picked up the box of crackers next. "Uhm... they're not saltines, but these..." He made a scrunchy face at the words on the box. "... crappy ' _organic wheat flour with sea salt_ ' crackers might do the trick, if you start feeling sick like I typically do -- your tummy wanting to go flip-flop."

"Michael..."

"What?"

"Come closer... I think I might fall off the bed and roll onto the floor."

“Do it.” Michael chuckled, taking the first piece of the banana. "I'd like to watch. Since your bed is, like... two inches from the hardwood flooring."

"What?" Brian had dropped a dramatic arm over his face. "No sympathy? What I need are your hugs."

Michael shook his head in decline. "You don't get a thing... until you stop rolling your eyes back in your head at me."

Brian covered his arm over his eyes. "I'm not doing it on purpose."

"So... fuckin' close your eyes... relax... lay back... I'll take care of you."

"Really?"

"Brian... I'm still here, aren't I?"

"I dunno. You made me close my eyes. And..." Brian sat up high on the pillows, puffing out his bottom lip. “... your tone isn't very loving.”

Michael didn't say much else, simply began breaking the banana into pieces. He slowly handed them over to Brian, tapping his hand to open up his fingers to take.

Hazel eyes opened to see the dark head, eyes lowered, in somber quiet. "Michael, what's wrong?" He took the banana piece, one at a time after swallowing. His own hand reached out for another, grabbing Michael's hand to grasp the fingers.

"I'm only wondering..." Michael sniffled out a snicker through his nostrils. "... did I _really_ do _this_ to you?"

" _What?!_ Don't be ridiculous! _Fuck, no!_ " Brian slunk down to conform his body around Michael. "I'm--I haven't been feeling too great since Ben approached me three months ago." He wrapped his arm about Michael's waist, resting his other forearm in Michael's lap. "I think, maybe now that things are coming to a certain end... I'm overwhelmed. And what I have, or haven't, done to my body is catching up with me. That's all." He snatched the next piece of fruit from the banana itself. "Good banana, Mikey."

Michael nodded his head, not sure he couldn't take some of the blame. He leaned up to reach for the glass. "Sips, remember?"

"Yes, Daddy." Brian muttered in the glass as he did as requested. He reached up on his torso, feeling stronger to kiss Michael's cheek. "Have you ever thought about _**it**_?"

"What? _Officially_ adopting you?" Michael flashed down his brown eyes in a dare.

"No... jerk..." Brian butted against Michael.

Michael kept his eyes on the bed sheets. "You mean... being a father to a child?"

"I know I'm not the best example to go by. You know how much I didn't want to do it. But now that he's here... I can't think of a moment where he doesn't actually exist. I'm not attempting to twist your arm simply because I did it. I'm only saying... you take such good care of me... and when I see you with Gus... I've wondered, even if you haven't." He took the last sip of juice, putting the empty glass on the night stand.

"I have. Believe me. Plenty of times." Michael brought over the box of crackers, setting them next to the glass. "I'm not sure I'd be prepared for the heavy responsibility."

"Yeah... like I was?"

"Brian, please. No matter how much you disagree and grumble, somewhere deep down inside you wanted Gus as much as Mel and Linds did." Michael reached over to brush back Brian's mussed hair. He liked seeing the color return to Brian's white sheen from earlier.

"I wanted him..." Brian ran his finger down Michael's bare arm, sliding it over his bent knee. "... because of you."

"Huh?"

"Everything... _every move I make_... _every word out of my mouth_... _every thought in my head_... is deliberate. In hopes that one day, you'd see... _**me**_."

"So, you've been 'flirting' with me for almost 17 yrs?"

Brian's head fell forward, nearly into Michael's lap. He brought it back up. "No. I've loved you for that long. I've been needing you... _wanting you_ to notice me."

"What about everyone you've fucked that wasn't me?" Michael placed one palm on the bed, leaning on it. The move brought him face to face with Brian.

"I looked for you... in them. Some could have been your exact twin. Some... had the right hair color... their eyes. A few had just one of your smiles. It's a fucked up way to be with you, without hurting you, while you went on without me."

Michael reached down to cup Brian's cheek. "I've never tried to duplicate _you_ during sex, because it would be too painful. If I couldn't have you, I wanted someone that, maybe, could make me forget."

Brian placed his head on Michael's knee, looking up directly at him. "You need to talk to Ben."

"Uh..." Michael chuckled nervously. "... no fuckin' way!!"

"Michael, you have to see him without me. And you need to make it clear to him what you want."

Michael brought up his hand to sift through Brian's brown locks. "I want _this_ to already be over. I want _this_ not to be so difficult. I don't want to have to break-up with another boyfriend over things out of my control. _I want_ to have been living here with you for months, having established this _routine of ours_. When you leave for work, I would go home and change... open my store. We'd call one another before we left to make plans for the night or something. I want the normalcy of US back."

Brian blinked up at Michael, feeling his real fears. "You hate the idea of not only the second interview, but the possible threesome."

"What else can he need from us that he didn't get before? How long does this fucking paper have to be for him to get his silly-ass degree?"

"Because it was never _about_ the paper." Brian slid up to match heights with Michael. "Really... it's okay."

"No. It's not." Michael snatched the hand Brian meant to draw up to touch his face with. He kept it between his two hands. "I'll never be A-okay with this because -- yet again... it's like that guy... at the club, who starts to hit on me. He and I start to like each other, things are going fine... we dance, he seems very interested in taking this elsewhere... and then here you come... sauntering up to me in all your gorgeous beauty... and suddenly _**I**_ don't exist anymore."

“To me, you do. You exist, to me.” Brian hated Ben at this moment, for dragging Michael down this far. Now it was his duty and his honor to make Michael see differently. "I can make _any_ guy want me, that's easy. Harder to get them to love me, so that's where you come in." He scraped his finger down Michael's cheek, along his jaw.

Michael shut his lids, unable to picture the moment without getting upset. "I don't really want to be in the room, Brian. I can't watch him... _**take**_... you in front of me."

"Michael... a threesome doesn't work without the three people in the room together." Brian smirked, raising a curious eyebrow. "How else did you think--?"

"Show me." Michael spoke clearly, voice not wavering.

"What?" Brian was a little stunned to quiet.

"You told me you've participated in threesomes. Show me what you've done... what's been done to you. How have they played out?” Michael stared for a longer pause than usual, tilting his head _just so_ as he saw Brian avert his gaze. “Because in my mind... all I see is him _defeating_ you, _making you weaker_. When we were kids, I could never bear watching that happen without wanting to kick the shit out of whomever was bullying you. I won't stand for it now."

Brian smiled, in a fragile manner, placing his hand on Michael's thigh. "I was never in my body when I fucked those men."

"Where were you?"

Brian lifted his eyes to Michael's face, his hand raised to touch the soft skin. "In my head... _always_... _with_ _ **you**_..."

"... _oh, Brian_..." Michael choked, putting a hand to his chest.

Brian huddled close to Michael as if they were telling ghost stories near a camp fire. "See, the trick is to close your eyes. Helps to take you away, out of your body. I've fucked you plenty of times in my head...” He tapped his temple hard. “... called out your name, too..." He bent to press lips to Michael's open mouth.

Michael allowed Brian to kiss him, but he didn't dipped into the motion, keeping his head and neck steady. "Wanna know something funny?... I have, as well."

"Called out your own name?" Brian teased, catching Michael's hand when he pushed at his chest.

"No, silly. Your name. I didn't even really know I'd done it. The guy got up to leave. I thought he was being rude, until he told me what his name was. That I had been calling him 'Brian' for the last half-hour. I let him leave, because... I wasn't really _that_ sorry..." Michael smiled devilishly. "I saved all my more intense orgasms for you."

"Every single one of mine was because of you."

Michael shook his head in bewilderment. "Eeesh... no pressure. Hefty responsibility. I think I'll struggle on."

"Sometimes..." Brian tucked their hands to his chest. "... I've not only fucked you, but I've simply been with you. Like how we hang out regularly."

Michael began to push Brian backward to fall onto the mattress; they were both sliding their bodies up the bed to lay on the pillows. "So.. tell me... how did you do _this_?"

Brian lifted one side of his mouth in a smirk. "You'll _consider_ it?"

"Yeah. After I talk with Ben."

"Don't wait too long."

"Oh, it'll be soon."

"Good." Brian slid his hands down Michael's back, cupping the denim-covered rear. "You ready?" He spoke the offer on the side of Michael's mouth.

"You okay?" Michael drew away, looking down at Brian. "You're not about to faint on me, again, are you?"

Brian lifted himself up to whisper in Michael's ear. "You made me all better, Mikey." He kissed the cheek, rubbing their skin together.

"Great." Michael got out of the bed to take off his jeans, leaving them where they landed. He reached into the new dish they'd set on the nightstand that held the lube and array of condoms for them to pick from.

Brian yanked back the covers and the comforter. He sat on the mattress, watching Michael climb onto the bed with his knees. His cock magnificent at this point in the day of wearing the cock ring. He settled on his own knees, caressing Michael's features and hair as he felt the rubber being put on his own cock. "Do you want to be on your back or on your knees?"

"My back..." Michael tumbled down to land on his back, scooting over to adjust his body and open his legs around Brian. "... I want to see your face and eyes..."

" _That_ night -- _whenever_ _ **it**_ _arrives_ \-- you might see Bruckner over my shoulder." Brian slipped in between Michael's thighs, shifting them wider, sliding his body down further to lift Michael's backside off the mattress.

"I can deal with that. I know a way." Michael reached out to grab onto Brian's shoulder joints, lifting up.

"I'll slide into you first..." To Michael's surprise, Brian did _just that_.

Michael arched back. " _Oh, yeah_... the sweet spot... _jesus_... do that again..."

Brian slid back out slow, then slammed in watching Michael moan out his pleasure. He had him balanced on one arm behind his back, keeping Michael's ass raised so he could sink deeply. "I've found you have more than one."

"A God-given talent... but thank you..." Michael rose up to meet each of Brian's thrusts.

"Once we start moving..." Brian picked up the pace, faster. Michael was pounding upward in tandem. Brian bent low to Michael's ear, nudging his face into Michael's hair. "Reach around... put your hands on my ass..."

Michael did as requested, knowing what he would want, but would Brian? "Now _what_?"

"Like what I do with you.” Brian gestured with everything but his hands or fingers, toward his own backside. “Massage... spread them open... and--"

"Like _this_?" Michael spread the ample cheeks wide, rubbing them in circles, hands reaching down to soothe the under-curve into the scrotum and testicles.

" _God... yes!_ " Brian jutted in and out quickly, causing Michael to squeeze his internal muscles around him. " _..._ _ugh... jesus..._ "

"I think I know what to do now. When, uh... he's back there..." Michael couldn't even say Ben's name without feeling a pulsating ache of dread. "... do you want me to do the lubrication?"

" _Yeah... yesss..._ " Brian frantically nodded his head, raising his torso by his hands alone, hovering over Michael. He stared intensely down at Michael, who was content with what they were doing now. "... you wanna try?"

"Brian?!" Michael sat up, in shock.

"What?"

"I'm not."

Brian bent his face to Michael's, not too far from kissing him, only a temptation the more he breathed and pumped into Michael. "What if I want you to?'

"Well... that's wonderful." Michael kept talking as he met every thrust into his body. “When were you going to tell _me_?”

"... in a few minutes..."

"Thanks for the advance warning."

Brian squeezed his eyes shut. " _Christ!_ I just felt you stiffen more!" It was quite a different sensation to be so in tune with his lover's body that even Michael's passion caused his own to rise.

"Sorry... my dick liked the sound of you agreeing to let me Top you."

" _Damn..._ I might even cum from thinking about it. The images I get."

" _Shit!_ Would it really turn you on that much?"

"You're joking right? Because I've always wondered what you'd look like 'topping' me."

"On your back..." Michael even felt naughty asking Brian. “... or on your knees?”

"Back."

"You are such a Bottom, Kinney."

Brian put a finger to Michael's lips. " _Ssshhh_... don't tell Bruckner."

"Oh... don't worry. He'll only find out that night."

"What night?"

"Figure, uhm... two days from now. It'll be the weekend an'--"

"Michael..." Brian rolled his hips, his fucking-momentum never faltering once.

"Uh-oh... is someone wanting me to fuck them?"

" _… please..._ " Brian begged, letting his head fall on Michael's chest.

"You realize... I've got my cock ring still on. You let me ride you at your own risk."

"Oh, that's what I was looking forward to, Michael. The cock ring looks great on you as does the hard on for me."

"I haven't fucked with my super cock-ringed penis before... should I pad the walls?... put up railings on the bedside?"

"Just be gentle... it's all I ever ask of you."

"Ask and you shall receive."

 **~~TBC...**   



	21. Chapter 21

  
Michael knew what most Bottoms craved since it was his favorite role to play during sex. The first time he entered Brian, to prepare him for the real thing, he began with two fingers. There was no reason to play around with getting him stimulated with just one. Brian was already there and his body was calling out. The glorious sight of the lithe frame rising above him, arced, head back and the lower torso giving equal time to each action, made Michael thirst for more. He clenched his walls around Brian's cock and increased penetrating with three fingers. Brian ejaculated while moaning out Michael's name like a benediction. 

  
Brian flipped them over quite fluidly, pulling out of Michael while watching Michael unroll the rubber on his erection. Brian bent his knees, feet planted firmly, spreading his thighs wide. He knew exactly how to raise his hips off the mattress to meet Michael as he sat on his knees. He grabbed for Michael's hips, fingers clutching ass cheeks, while Michael took himself in hand, running the head of his cock over Brian's sensitive skin. 

"Do you _want_ me?" Michael crawled on hands toward Brian, hovering over his face.

"Yes." Brian leaned back on the pillow surface, offering his neck.

Michael took the sweet offer, licking and lapping up the sweat. "Where do you want me?" He thrust his hips, but he was meshing his length against Brian's, causing pleasurable friction for both.

"Right here." Brian tightened his hold on Michael's waist.

"Where?" Michael rubbed his cheek against Brian's face, heading toward his ear.

"Here... between my thighs..."

"What would you like me to do for you?" Michael kept lowering his voice, licking and blowing in Brian's ear, biting as much flesh as he could find.

" _Ah... jesus... fuck me..._ " Brian let go and placed his fingers back against the wall, holding firm. He had no idea how Michael's dick would feel filling him. He had to brace himself for precaution. "... I want you to fuck me..."

Michael ran a hand along Brian's face, rolling the fingers down the long body. "You want me inside?" His cock tip was right at Brian's entrance, poking and teasing.

" _Yeah... yesss..._ " Brian rolled his hips to bump against Michael's pelvic bone.

"Soft and long? Or hard and quick?" Michael taunted Brian by dragging his tongue down his chest, licking circles and crazy eights around the pert nipples.

"Michael... I need you... now... I don't care..." Hazel eyes went bleary with passion and lust, needing release soon.

"But **I** do, Brian. We'll start off soft and long, then work our way toward hard and quick."

"Please... anything..." Brian reached up to latch on to Michael's torso, grabbing the frame of the rib cage and tweaking the dark rosy nipple nubs. He heard Michael giggle, and knew his lover was simply playing a game, "Michael" was still in there.

" _God..._ you are so gorgeous when you want me." Michael stared down in fascination at Brian's features, knowing every intricate detail. Every once and awhile just staring at his beauty... because it was so breathtaking to watch in a man.

"Michael..." Brian was about to reach down and take Michael in his hand to guide him in, but he stopped himself, trusting Michael.

"I'm here. How about you close your eyes?"

"Never." Brian's arms went rock solid across Michael's back, holding them flush with one another. "I'm not doing that with you. My eyes stay open from now on."

Michael was only suggesting it because Brian seemed to be watchful of his every move. "Good. Happy to hear that." He lifted himself off of Brian, lowering his head to speak into an ear. "Trust me... I'll never hurt you... I love you." He inched his cock in, feeling the walls hold him tight. "Brian..." He paused at a certain point, feeling resistance. "... loosen up, please... I'll cum before I can really get us started." 

"Sorry." Brian winked up at Michael to show he was "playing" this game as much as Michael was. He looked down between their bodies, watching Michael slowly pump in and out of him. "That... is a beautiful sight." Michael hit the prostate, causing Brian to groan out loud, clutching the sheets. "... _you feel so good in me_."

Michael drifted his body to lay down against Brian. "You look good under me."

"You can, uh... go faster, if you want."

"I know I can." Michael rested his forearms beside Brian's head, his face mere inches from Brian's mouth. “Why? Am I boring you?” He attacked the lips lovingly, then built up to a maddening crescendo. "I'm pacing myself."

"No, you're not... bor-ing-me.” It was tougher to talk during this moment, when receiving this kind of long-awaited pleasure. “You keep staring. It's unnerving..."

"You don't look vulnerable to me." Michael shook his head in astonishment. "I've actually never seen you look more... _arousing_."

"You make me feel _something_. Don't know if I'd call it 'arousing'."

Michael began to pick up speed, thrusting twice each time. Brian arched off the bed, rolling his hips upward. "I could do this for hours."

"Please don't." Brian begged in a mournful plea.

"I promised to be gentle."

"You always are, even when I don't ask." Brian dipped his head to tuck into Michael's neck.

"You want more?'

Brian furrowed his brow, not able to imagine what Michael was asking of him. "Huh?"

"We can lift you higher, so I'll go deeper." Michael was already dragging over a pillow. Brian lifted his hips to accommodate the plushness at his back. Michael slid in, finding it was perfect, where he wanted to end up. "How's that?'

"God, Michael... sen-say-shun-ul..."

"Good, because I'm about to climax soon."

"I wanna cum with you."

"Fine by me. I could use the company."

" _Ugha..._ Michael!... _jesus... yes, yes... right there... oh, god..._ "

Michael pounded into Brian until he felt the anal walls constrict about him. He knew Brian was close, like him. Michael could control his release to coincide with Brian's. He reached down to take the heated, pulsating length in his hand, stroking tenderly. He was coaxing the orgasm to burst through. He bent low to Brian's ear, saying some colorful phrases he would never say to anyone else. He knew how Brian liked his sex served to him. The first spurt of semen caught Michael by surprise. He giggled and that noise became the quirkiest pleasure for Brian's ears. Because he came... and he came, crying out his release as if he hadn't been having sex in months.

Michael realized too late that he missed his chance to join Brian, so he simply trailed behind. As he continued to plunge in, he found that Brian had been holding back. His series of climaxes was far from over. Michael shot his load in the condom tip as Brian clenched around him, milking him dry. He lay his forehead in the center of Brian's chest and tried to breathe correctly again.

When they both were finally spent, completely exhausted, Michael slid out, watching Brian wince a little. He discarded the used condom. He moved to lay on top, letting Brian choose their new position. Brian shifted them to rest on their sides, facing one another. They both drew up the blankets and comforter.

Michael was intent on further taking care of his lover, Brian sunk his head to Michael's chest. "So... was I everything you had hoped I'd be?" He teased, rubbing his palm over the wide expanse of Brian's back.

"Don't ask me that." Brian kissed the bare skin, closing his eyes.

"Why not?" Michael buried his face in Brian's drenched locks.

" 'Cause I have no words to describe what we just did. I may, or may not, have seen a 'white light', but I didn't go toward it."

"Why?"

"You weren't only in my mind, you were real. I didn't want to leave you."

"Could be fun on the other side."

Brian hugged his arms about Michael tighter. "I'm not going anywhere without you."

"I'd find you." Michael's hand caressed the back of Brian's head, along his nape. "Never fear."

"No. Not anymore. And... I'm not closing my eyes, either."

"Well... only when I'm not around."

"Yeah... that might happen once or twice during the day."

"Work can be such a bummer sometimes."

"We can always call in sick."

"This is very true."

"Next time we wake up that's what we'll do."

"Well, I'm the boss. I'm right here. Should I call myself and leave a message or just--?"

"Michael?" Brian began to threaten a tickle or two.

"Hmmm?" Michael chuckled deeply, his belly brushing against Brian's stomach.

Brian lifted his head, leaning forward to press his lips hard, solid, to Michael's mouth. "No one would doubt you were a 'man' tonight."

“You mean...”Michael held back a little, staring into Brian's eyes. "... you did _this_... for me? Because of what I--?"

“You mean everything to me. I want you happy...” Brian brought up his hand to caress Michael's cheek and touch his lips. "... and proud of who you are." He bent to kiss the lips again, this time achingly soft and tender. "... because _**I**_ _am_."

"Can I say -- _if you'd like to know_ \-- watching you as I fucked you... made me want you even more." Michael cupped Brian under his chin, sliding fingers through the hair and grabbing the scalp.

" _Only with you_ , Mikey."

"Yeah... our secret." Michael whispered against Brian's lips. "Only with you too."

They kept kissing, lost in the trance of physical exhaustion and needing sleep. At one point, they lay on the pillow to kiss, foreheads leaning toward one another... and they found themselves succumbing to sleep rather quickly.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

The next morning, Ben was nearly late getting up for work. What woke him was the smell of food, like a real breakfast being cooked in his kitchen. He hadn't felt this way since he had been at home, in high school. He turned to see Lukas gone. The last time Ben had shut his lids, the warm body had been curled to his side, strong arm across his chest and head resting on his shoulder. Ben remembered this only because he'd fallen asleep sifting his fingers through the silky blond curls. The flannel robe had been thrown over Ben's side of the bed, for him to put on once he was awake. He picked his glasses off the bedside table, deciding not to put them on. Ben followed the wondrous smells wafting directly from his kitchen. 

Lukas was freshly showered and donned in clothes he normally wouldn't be caught dead in. As if he was on his way to a funeral, a wedding or a job interview.

Ben almost didn't recognize his best friend. For a second, he stared in fascination, falling in love all over again. Lukas certainly cleaned up nicely and the colors he was wearing contrasted his tanned skin and blond hair. Even the curls were tamed, brushed back from the high forehead, the green eyes sparkling with subdued excitement. "Jesus, something tells me you're not going back to sleep today. Nor are you sitting around the apartment watching bad daytime TV drama."

" _Fuck!_ " Lukas licked his index finger of melted butter. "I don't need fake drama. Got enough of my own, thank you. Sit down." He tried to steer Ben out of his way to take a seat at the table. There was only so much room he could work with in this cramped space. Neither of them were small men. "I'll cook you something."

For Ben, it was tough to imagine that what Lukas was cooking was _only for him._ Ben knew Lukas was attempting to be kind. "Luke... you don't have to. I usually jus'--"

"Drink a protein shake, pick up your Tricycle and grab a twig from one of the tree branches outside to munch on while you pedal to school." Lukas did a five-fingered push for Ben to take a seat. He turned to head back to the stove.

"Ah! I knew it! You _do_ like cutting me down."

"Jamie, you eat like a hippie." Lukas shook his head as he cracked a few more eggs in the pan. "No wonder you're such a tight ass."

Ben leaned on the wall, crossing his arms. "I'm not gonna eat a damn thing if you keep--"

Lukas chuckled, putting up a hand with a wooden spoon in his grip. "Relax, ZenMaster. I went shopping on my own while you were asleep. Your protein shakes haven't been thrown out... yet. And I see you got enough oat bran in your cabinets to build some decent furniture." He hated to say how much Ben had changed, but maybe he'd caught it soon enough where he could salvage a bit of Ben's old self. “Did you ever think going vegetarian is why you've turned into this boring robot-like Ben Bruckner?”

Ben was watching the pork being thrown in the second fry pan. The crack and sizzle of fat in its own grease making him inwardly cringe, and still salivate over the decadent smells. He felt his arteries clog and his heart quicken at being given such unhealthy food. "They help me deal with my HIV meds. I'm not so nauseous all the time."

"Uhm... because you _aren't_ eating. You're trying to grab all your vitamins in one shot or in supplements that aren't even 100% natural. Jamie... food is comfort and can be amazing throughout a healing process, if you use it wisely."

Ben wiped a hand over his forehead, not really fathoming why this subject was even important. He didn't know why he let Lukas browbeat him into taking his advice so often. Ben had been doing fine on his own, without anybodys' help. "I splurge. I'm not always stuck in a freakish health rut." He knew one thing -- more than anything he loved to fight with Lukas, like this. It often gave him this idea Lukas actually cared.

Lukas leaned his hip on the kitchen counter, two plates in front of him ready to place food on. "When was the last time you had something out of your usual food pyramid?" He made a slight gesture toward Ben's fridge door where a diagram hung of some famous monk's “ _special diet plan_ " that pretty much told way-too many false urban legends about food.

"The other night. Brian ordered pizza and Chinese."

"Good." Lukas didn't mean to act like a Food Nazi, but taking a serious look at Ben's food staples and what he considered "normal" in the cupboards and pantry... he could have cried. "And what did _you_ have?"

"Brian got an order of vegetables and chicken, in a garlic sauce. I had rice, with the little soy sauce packets."

"Uhm... yeah, you're slipping." Lukas rolled his eyes. "Did you have any pizza?"

"A slice... or maybe, uh, two."

Lukas went to grab the orange juice container and set two glasses on the surface of the table. "Ooo, let me guess, I bet you scraped the good stuff off. Only eating the pizza sauce and dough." He could recall days when Ben wanted to bulk up and they could finish off two extra-large pepperoni pies.

"The cheese was suspect to actually being _truly_ mozzarella." Ben poured both glasses out, filling them half way. "I couldn't take the chance. They used butter to cook their pizzas. That would have been two dairies in--"

Lukas shook his head in mock sadness, venturing back over to the stove to dish out the food evenly. The toast popped up just as he was done. " _Sheesh!_ I know... _two diary products away from death_. Your food diagram from Hell scares me. That monk even recommends you stay away from too many fruits. _**That**_ is fucked up." He brought over the two plates, handing one to Ben. “Fruits are God's way of saying he loves us.” He moved to pick up the small dish with stacked toast, swiping utensils out of the drawer on his way over.

There were already condiments they'd need on the table in the center.

“Luke, I do fine.” Ben swiveled to face his plate, his tongue wanting to come out and lick his lips. The food looked too good. "And my shakes and bars are just quicker than--" He gestured his hand to what Lukas had finished doing. He pulled the cloth napkin down over his lap.

Lukas grabbed a slice of toast, lathering it with butter and then jam. "Maybe... you need to get your tight lazy ass out of bed a half-hour early."

Ben picked up his fork, prepared to dig in. He stared intently at Lukas, a smile of disagreement on his lips. "You used to get up at 5am to surf. Your sleep patterns were never the best, either." He took a bite of the scrambled eggs and shut his eyes in pure heaven. God, if he could have this every day of his life from now on... he'd be a very pleasant person in the mornings.

"I can cat nap. Always could. Light sleeper."

Ben went to wipe his mouth, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Tell me about it." There was certainly proof of that last night and into this morning.

"Sorry..." Lukas took a piece of bacon and chomped away. "... did you _not_ want me to suck your cock early this morning?" There was a sparkle of mischief in the green eyes.

"No. Well, yes -- wait..." Ben didn't know how to reply, because he usually wasn't this unbalanced about sex until after he was sick. "Yeah, of course it was, uh... and the other things we did. I thought you'd be more tired. Like I am."

Lukas let his hand slip under the table and venture toward Ben's bare thigh and knee. "Nah... sex has always energized me. Given me the boost I've needed to get motivated."

Ben liked the hand sliding between his legs. He brought his own hand up to soothe Lukas' smooth cheek. He missed that perpetual stubble adorning the handsome face. He felt his heart lurch a bit as he saw Lukas lean into his touch. The hand on his thigh was attempting to slip up his gym shorts. "Is that why you look so gorgeous dressed up in your grown-up clothes?" He drew his whole body away, afraid of what could happen if they kept touching one another. He reached to grab Lukas' hand on his thigh and lifted it to the table top.

Lukas pulled back, using both hands to eat again. "Yeah. You like?" He spread out his arms to show the entire ensemble, sitting down. "Danny's influence. All my 'nice' clothing was his fault."

Ben grabbed two slices of toast from the stack. "And the reason you _are_ dressed this way _would be_?"

The phone rang. Both men looked at one another not expecting anyone to call this early in the morning.

"Hold that thought." Lukas held out one index finger, walking over to pick up the cordless extension. _**"Hello?... Uh... yeah... Benjamin Bruckner lives here. Who are you?... What?... uhm, yeah... hold on a minute..."**_ He quickly walked back over to the table to sit down. His brow furrowed in puzzlement. He covered the mouthpiece, handing it to Ben. "Sounds like some kid. Is he a student of yours? Justin Taylor?"

"Justin?" Ben wrinkled his brow in bewilderment. He saw how lost Lukas was in placing faces with names. "Brian's... uhm, blond twink, from the other night at Babylon."

Lukas then nodded his head in understanding. "Oh... the one who thinks he's Kinney's boyfriend."

Ben spoke low so Justin couldn't pick up his voice, then used the phone to gesture a "flip" motion. "Other way around. Justin thinks Brian is _his_ boyfriend."

Lukas crinkled his brow in confusion. "What's the difference?"

Ben chuckled, reaching out a hand to rub over Lukas' forearm, petting the dark blond hair. "A big one. I'll tell you about it one day." He placed the extension to his ear. **_"Justin... yeah, hey! It's, uh... Ben. How can I...?"_** He got up from the table to head toward the fridge. Once he reached the appliance, he leaned on the chilled door. **_"Yeah... uh, huh... wow... that's... really interesting."_** His gaze moved to watch Lukas, admiring the gray wool slacks and the long-sleeved, lavender buttoned-down shirt. He couldn't get over how sexy his best friend was in or out of whatever he was wearing. _**"Uh... sorry... what did you say? No... no... you didn't call at a bad time. Getting ready for work, eating breakfast..."**_ He caught Lukas' questioning green eyes.

Lukas had felt like he was being watched. When he turned to see Ben looking at him, he knew what had distracted Ben from the conversation. He noticed how Ben's voice and body language permeated the non-emotional state he had about the call. But those intense blue eyes kept staring at the way Lukas looked. Lukas tried not to laugh, knowing how pathetic he had been at eighteen, when it came to guys he thought he liked, who may have liked him. __

 _“_ _**Yes, thank you. Oh, well... I'm glad you called me. Uh... you, too. Uh-huh... bye."** _ Ben hung up, resting weakly on the counter next to the fridge. 

"Problems?" Lukas only asked to be nice. He didn't really care to know.

Ben used the antennae to rub along his mouth and cheek. "Justin thinks he saw Brian and Michael at Babylon last night..."

Lukas shrugged his shoulders, scooping out the last of his eggs with a toast slice. "So... it's where the boys are. Where they chill out."

"Justin saw them in the backroom. _Together_." Ben tried to stress the word to secretly mean something else entirely.

"Oh. Think he stayed for the whole floor show, like you did?" Lukas didn't mean to sound like such a smart-ass, but Ben was being suspiciously jealous for someone who had created the situation he was jealous about.

"Luke, I'm not--" Ben walked over, his arms spread wide in explanation. He grabbed the back of his chair.

"What is with you people?" Lukas shook his head, hard pressed to learn why so many of Brian and Michael's _supposed_ friends and/or family were wanting to poke their noses where they didn't belong. "What's so amazing about these guys that makes every single one of you wanna sneak around where you truly don't belong?" He held a hand up before Ben tried to give out excuses. "And... I told you this would happen, so don't get all pouty and mope now."

"I know. You're right. Like always." Ben sniffed in frustration out of his nostrils and sat back down in his seat.

" _Shit!_ " Lukas was almost disgusted over this entire issue. Especially when Ben was doing two different actions, one negating the other. "Don't even try to make this about me being difficult. Because you know what I'm getting? Tired. The second I got here you couldn't talk about your boyfriend without mentioning Brian Kinney. So much so, you frustrated yourself.” He was drinking the last of his juice in little sips, pausing to talk in between. “Maybe you should start eating normal food to grow some of your brain back. At least, show some common decency."

"Technically, now..." Ben returned to eating his food. He placed the phone down, upright. "... Michael's cheating on me. If it's true."

"Well, I wonder what genius put _**that**_ _thought_ in his head?” Lukas let the silence fill the room for a little before he spoke, “You're no better than Michael or Brian, Jamie." He chomped down on a second piece of toast. “Unless last night means _nothing_ to you." He kept his head bowed, unsure if Ben was serious about him or not -- the way he was passionate concerning Michael. Lukas wished he could read Ben better, like before.

"Luke, it meant more than you know." Ben reached out a hand to cup the back of Lukas' neck, massaging the skin. "Can I _not_ be hurt, knowing I was right all along?"

"Don't sound so smug." Lukas drew away in a flinch. "You didn't exactly make it easy for them. Or for Michael."

"So you did watch any the footage?" Ben's eyes widened and his eyebrow rose in interest to what insight Lukas could give him.

"Yes.” Lukas was feel a bit sick to his stomach. “I felt not only did you need an objective eye... I felt I owed Brian and Michael a bit of respect." He knew it was mostly because of his medications, but also... the stress of Ben's predicament harping on their relationship. “Respect enough to know when _someone_ had crossed the line.”

" _They agreed to be filmed._ " Ben was surprised he was eating so much of the food Lukas had cooked. He didn't even eat this way at the Liberty Diner.

"I know! What hurt the most, as I watched the film, was witnessing them have to turn their first time together into some 'Dog and Pony Show' for you and Dad. _And that ridiculous thesis._ " Lukas got up to carry his plate and glass to the sink. He began cleaning up the rest of the pans on the stove.

"That _ridiculous thesis_ will help keep my job.” Ben had to turn in his seat, to the right side in order to see Lukas while he cleaned up his mess in the kitchen. “Not to mention my health insurance status, should I get sick."

"But cause you to lose everything else you've already gained?" Lukas shook his head at the audacity Ben had to think his actions wouldn't affect him to suffer greater consequences. When Ben had no response, Lukas went on. "That's _why_ I'm dressed this way."

"Excuse me?" Ben wiped his napkin on his mouth, crossing one leg over his knee. He slid his bathrobe over the bare skin.

Lukas was pacing back and forth to pick up each of the condiment bottles and jars to stick back in the fridge. "When Danny died, he set aside some money for me to... _well, let's put it this way_... we were planning to get married and before he was truly incapacitated, he made arrangements for me to be 'taken care of'. If or when he should pass on." He brought over the sponge to wipe down the crumbs from the table surface. "I suppose he knew in the eyes of the law that I would never be seen as anything but his longtime companion and caretaker. He set up a separate bank account without my knowledge. I was so angry I thought I'd never touch the cash, because the mere thought of what Danny did to put aside that money, when we should have been using it for him. I mean... we did fine, some days. But I think I get it now." He set the nearly empty plate of toast in front of Ben, leaving him some butter and the jam he liked.

"What?" Ben was simply flabbergasted to watch Lukas acting domesticated. He was barely in their dorm or their apartment to pick up on bad habits or even if Lukas had any. Watching him now gave Ben a secret desire to see _this_ every day. To know that _this man_... _this beautiful soul who seemed to love the sun, sand and sea_... wanted him. To give up everything he used to be, to be whatever Ben needed or wanted.

"It's true. Danny knew he wasn't my first love. Knew for damn sure he wouldn't be my last.” Lukas retook his chair, sitting to his left to face Ben. “He figured out on his own who you really were to me." He crossed his left ankle over his right knee, hooking his arm over the back of his seat.

"He knew _that much_ about me?" Ben was done with everything else on his plate. He plopped the last two pieces of toast on his plate.

"Why do you think he let me come back to The Mainland to be with you, after you were first diagnosed?" Lukas tilted his head to the side, looking at Ben in earnest contemplation.

"He knew I had what he did?" Ben was pausing in his jam spreading, in total shock.

Lukas nodded slowly, his eyes never wavering from Ben's intent gaze. "And he knew someday I'd be brave enough to show up on your doorstep and ask you to love me." He always felt a little ashamed to have waited so long to come to his senses. “Like I'd always wanted.”

"Danny set aside his own money for you to take care of me?” Ben was utterly bowled over, not believing what he was told. “For both of us? Knowing how hard it was to be sick and survive HIV?"

"I know. Sounds crazy, but _that_ was Danny." Lukas scratched at the side of his nose, snickering lightly. "If you gave him a chance, he liked showing you how much heart he _still_ had."

"Luke, I'm speechless. I don't know what to say."

**~~TBC...**


	22. Chapter 22

 

Lukas got up to pour Ben some more juice. Taking the dirty plates and the orange juice container, he wandered to the sink and fridge. "I've gotta go to the lawyer's office. Read over Danny's Will. See if there's any stipulations I have to follow or what I have to do to have access to the money when I'll need it." He shook his head in odd wonder and amazement. When he came back to the table, he stopped, pausing to reach out a hand and thread his fingers through Ben's hair. He combed the straight locks back from the pale forehead. "I swear I told him I had plenty of money saved from my two careers. He insisted on doing this for us." He leaned into Ben's body when the strong arm came around him, the head resting on his abdomen. He wondered how long it had been since Ben had felt just an ease to _companionship_ , not the pressures of a _relationship_ . 

"You said his birthday is this weekend?"

"Yeah. Sunday."

"We should do something to thank him. Where's his Mom live?"

"She's in Florida. Tampa."

"Does she--? Would she mind if we did something?" Ben couldn't see letting Danny's birthday go by without at least doing something special.

"Ben, you don't have to do anything except beat HIV." Lukas leaned down to kiss Ben's brow. “That's what Danny would want most.” He looked at his watch to make sure Ben wasn't wasting his time lolly-gagging.

"We can't just take the money."

"Don't worry." Lukas slid his hand up Ben's back to soothe over his neck and hairline. "You won't even know I'm using it. You know that development, up toward Grandview?"

"Yes." Ben furrowed his brow in thought. What was Lukas trying to tell him now?

"Always wanted one of those houses up there."

"They cost a mild fortune, Luke."

"I want a _house_ , Jamie. This apartment is great, but it's co-op. The chick who owns it can come back anytime."

"Are you asking me to live with you?" Ben leaned back to look t Lukas, green eyes smiling down at him.

"No. Not exactly, because that would mean you'll feel obligated to say 'yes' or 'no'. I'm simply telling you where I'll be when you need a place to stay."

"You really want to be _something more_ with me?"

"Yes. I'm ready. You just come ring my doorbell when you're in the neighborhood."

"You're buying a house today?"

"Uh, no." Lukas shook his head, chuckling softly. "I don't even know how much Danny left me. It'll be too much in one day. I'll come here... crash, take a nap and eat something. Then I'll start looking for a place to stay in the meanwhile." He patted the curve of Ben's shoulder joint, about to pull his body away.

"Here..." Ben held Lukas tight to his chest. "... with me. That's where you stay." He let his hand rub down Lukas' wool pant leg.

"Jamie, if I stay here one more night, I'm gonna want more than humping my leg and stroking our cocks."

"I told you to wait for me."

"And I told you I'm not sitting here like a bitch, waiting on your ass to decide."

"I need to talk to Michael."

"Good luck with that." Lukas finally yanked himself away in utter disgrace. Always back to Michael, and then Brian and Michael.

"What do you mean?"

"Peeling him off Brian long enough to locate him and talk." Lukas wasn't quite sure Ben was really focusing on what was happening between Brian and Michael.

"They can't have done too much by now."

Lukas turned to stare at Ben, jaw tight. "Do you actually _hear_ yourself when you talk?"

"Why?"

"Think of us... _last night_... _early this morning_. Then think of what Brian and Michael did the other night while you video taped them."

“No. I do know that. What I mean is...” Ben closed his eyes, running a hand over his face. "... they have jobs and responsibilities. They can't leave it all to rot just for some sex."

"Why not? If I was them... I would." Lukas started snickering and began washing off the dishes to put them in the dishwasher.

"Huh?" Ben finally rose out of his seat, wandering over to where Lukas was standing at the sink. He carried his dirty dishes to the sink, setting them on the counter top. "Explain yourself."

"If you didn't have the fate of your job hanging over your head, and you had some vacation days set up, I'd whisk you away to this tiny island off of Maui. There are these little villages there, throwbacks to bygone eras. They're civilized, but you're _nobody_ there. We'd be alone, secluded... and I'd have you all to myself." Lukas smiled sweetly, shrugging his shoulders that it was only an idea, not an actual "thing" they had to do.

"Are you really telling me I'm gonna have problems reaching Michael?"

"Yes... and one day won't be enough. I'd say count on two or three days."

"Jesus..." Ben swiveled to lean back on the counter next to Lukas, arms crossed over his chest.

"You only have yourself to blame."

"I know." Ben bowed his head, pinching his lips together and honestly thinking hard about what he was doing with everybody in his life. Like pieces on a chess board.

"Don't worry." Lukas moseyed over to bump his right hip with Ben's left hip. "I'll still like you... and love you... if you don't fuck up again."

Ben snagged Lukas around the waist, dragging him... suds and all... to fit against the front of his body. "I can't even believe you're here, much less what's going on with us... _between us_. I don't think it's sunk in, yet. I don't think it ever will... until--"

Lukas leaned his head on Ben's chin, resting his soapy forearms on the thick chest. "... until you spend the night with them. I know."

Ben nudged his face with Lukas' cheek. "Please... be okay with this, baby." He brought up his knuckles to brush them against Lukas' jaw. He loved the way the hard, muscular body and cool, snappy demeanor softened at the word he used. Particularly in bed, it made Lukas surrender to his will, letting him dominate the sex between them.

"I am." Lukas wasn't even sure his voice sounded like himself. It was unreal for him to even be here, finding himself caught under Ben's spell. Realizing everything that scared him once before was what motivated him to keep pursuing what he wanted most... BEN.

"Can I have a kiss goodbye before you leave?"

"Yes..." Lukas pretended like his wrists were tied together as he slipped them over Ben's head, finding them locked around the stocky neck. "I'll give you whatever you want -- _whatever you need_ \-- within reason." He hovered over the lips and lower jaw, wanting to play games to see how far he could get Ben to be rattled.

"I like the sound of that."

"Shut up. Get your kiss. I got dishes to do and places to be, Jamie."

Ben sculpted the sturdy flanks up Lukas' back. He lowered his head slowly, an inch from Lukas' open mouth before he was taken roughly by the plump lips in a heady kiss to send him off to work.

 

Yeah... Ben could get used to this... very quickly. 

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Two days. Two _whole_ days Brian and Michael had gone missing, without a word. Except to Cynthia at Brian's office. He would be "working from home", wherever that would be. Michael's store, closed for two days, would reopen on the third day mid-morning.

Ben had gotten the voice mail during class. _Michael's cell phone_. He asked him to stop by so they could "talk". Could mean anything.

Ben knew this moment was going to be awkward, but not until he stood in front of Red Cape's store front window did he fathom how much. He'd done this move plenty of times before, but now he hesitated. Only because though the _**OPEN**_ sign was turned, he wasn't quite sure he'd be as welcome as most customers would be.

It was noon. Lunchtime. Michael had called him, inviting him over to the store. So Ben had assumed that maybe Michael was over his anger, somewhat. Rational, hopefully. He totally understood if he wasn't.

When Ben strolled through the door, the overhead bell sounded. He tried to stop it from constantly jangling in case Michael was at the end of his rope and found the noise annoying. Especially being rung by his least favorite person in the world. He walked in fully, seeing that Michael was nowhere in plain sight. Not even one single customer.

" _Mike! Hello!_ " Ben was making his way around one of the floor racks and displays when he caught the view of the man in question in the back room, walking out as if he was completely engrossed in what he was reading. "Mich-..."

Hard to believe that three days could transform someone, especially Michael Novotny. Gone was the bumpy stride, the easy smile, the way the soft brown eyes melted upon familiar and strange faces. He even dressed more casually chic, a hint of himself and a touch of something new. He wore his normal work boot sneakers, but he wasn't wearing regular old denim he'd had in his closet for decades. No... this was brushed brown jeans, tight to his lower frame and fitting his rear quite perfectly. He set the paperwork on his desk, marking checks next to whatever was printed on them. He yanked up the sleeves of his new shirt, a cream and tan patchwork Henley of plush suede. He exposed his bare forearms and constantly brushed back his newly styled hair. There were old elements of Michael there, but so different... subtle, yet smooth. He walked with an "air" about him, as if he knew what this outfit did to his appearance.

Michael tucked one pen behind his ear, biting the other one in his mouth. He sauntered out of the back room, closing the door securely. He was making his way toward the cashier counter so he could spread the sheets out more visibly. It was a monthly negative inventory report, having to match visual quantities on the shelves with the numbers the computer system had tallied during every sale since the first of the month. He used to do this at the Big Q when he was Assistant Manager, corporate headquarters sending their minion DMs (District Managers) down to the little people to make sure they were doing their jobs correctly. Michael didn't think it would hurt to start implementing this procedure, even though he wasn't "incorporated" yet. Especially since it would help catch those sticky-fingered kids who would steal specific issues or series of comics. He could switch the displays around to help stop theft in his store.

Michael nonchalantly glanced up to see Ben standing in front of him. Having heard the bell jangle earlier, he knew _someone_ had arrived. It would have either been Ben or Brian. Brown eyes flashed to wide blue, a small sad smile on Michael's lips. "Hi. Glad you could make it so soon after my call." He didn't walk behind his counter. He set the report on the glass top, with the pen he had in his mouth. The one in his ear was put in his pocket. "I apologize." He slid one arm across his belly. The other grabbing his bent elbow. “I was preoccupied before you came in.” 

Ben hooked his thumbs into his back jean pockets. _Whoa!_ Michael's tone was very diplomatic, strange. "No. It's okay. I understand." Everything about Michael had a sense of purpose, not of wonder. He actually knew what he wanted to say and he would stick to his guns. "Are we heading to lunch or--?" He knew that was a lot to assume between them, but he had to try or invite Michael out himself.

"No." One lone dark eyebrow rose in challenge, daring to be questioned or defied. "Brian is picking me up in twenty minutes or so. Give or take traffic." There was no smile or lazy laugh, not even a light giggle. It was as if someone had injected Michael with some boost of self-confidence. A chilling indifference.

"Brian?" Ben closed his eyes where his normal tone of voice spoke of asking why it had to be Brian all the time.

"Yeah, Ben. My best friend, Brian Kinney. You remember him, don't you?" Michael didn't even try to play coy, he spoke a flat out truth. "The one you saw me fuck the other night on camera."

Ben put out his hands. " _Whoa!_ Okay... I'm sorry. That came out wrong. I just-- why only twenty minutes? I thought you wanted to discuss our relationship."

"What _relationship_ , Ben?" Michael turned his head as if he wanted to hear Ben's excuse or an explanation. "The twenty minutes is broken down like this: it's gonna take five minutes for me to break up with you, the rest of that time to stop you from attempting to change my mind."

"Why?"

"Oh... _wow!_ That's rich! Isn't it _obvious_? You broke my 'golden rule'. You messed with my privacy and you hurt someone I love very deeply. You went behind my back and tried to play me, hiding secrets you didn't bother to think I needed to know. What else would you have kept from me... something to deal with your HIV status?" When Michael saw the way Ben lowered his head, he knew he was only touching the surface with Ben's interest in Brian's social sexual lifestyle. "It's really for the best, Ben."

"Look... I realize I took it too far. I understand that some things in your life are off limits. But don't you see... he would have been hanging over our heads while we were trying to be together. He isn't used to _not_ having you when he needs you. How did you ever think you could have a separate life from him if he wants you by his side so much?"

"I thought you and I were doing great. Of course... now that I know half of our relationship was built on lies and semi-truths... that makes me want you back even less."

"You'd take Brian's promiscuity over being told lies? Brian hasn't ever lied to you?"

Michael really didn't know what Ben was trying to prove. They were over. Plain and simple. Shouldn't matter to Ben what Brian did now, he was always _Michael's problem_ to deal with. "Brian has never been as cruel to me as you've been."

"Cruel? That's a little harsh. I had legitimate worries."

"Worries that you could have brought to me -- your _supposed_ boyfriend. But, apparently, **I** didn't even register on your importance scale. And as you further exploit these worries that plague you, not only do you cut Brian down, but you take me, as well."

"I wish you didn't see it like that. It was never my intention to hurt you through this situation."

"News flash... _hurt Brian, you hurt me_. End of story. Cop all the pleas of mercy you want, it's still not gonna win you brownie points."

"Michael, look--"

"No!" Michael to a step forward, advancing on Ben. " _YOU!LOOK!_ I don't know what sick, twisted or perverted fantasies you got going on in your head. However you were before you got sick with HIV, but this has got to stop!! If you can't leave Brian alone... you need to let me go. I see you poking around him after all this is done... I'm seeking a restraining order on you! And you don't want me on your ass, Bruckner!! You think my Mom can raise Hell in a 'pride' parade or a PFLAG rally down Liberty Avenue... you ain't seen me fighting for someone I love!" He ran his hands through his hair in frustration, locking his fingers behind his neck. "I called you here because Brian wanted us to talk, but I can't even say two words in front of you without wanting to punch your face in. I'm not normally a violent person, but you've messed with the wrong loved one and the wrong Novotny." He planted his feet wide apart, watching as Ben slunk backward, realizing how serious Michael was with this discussion. "But despite my better judgment, Brian wants to do this last interview with you. He's assuming this is it, that you'll leave him alone after this. And I am telling you if this is another one of your lies, I will smack you down right where you stand."

Ben put out his palms to ward off Michael, watching him stand there with fists tight at his side. "Michael, I'm not... _I AM WRITING A THESIS!!_ " _Christ..._ Michael had never been this violently passionate with him. "I'll even send you a copy when I'm done."

"Thank you, but no. I'd throw it away without reading it. Don't waste a tree on me. I already know who Brian Kinney is.” Michael stepped away, but didn't change his stance. “No thesis and no wannabe pop psychologist can tell me what I've known for years."

Now... Ben was growing a bit angry himself, wanting explanations to Michael's whereabouts for two days. "I couldn't reach you -- where were you? I tried calling Brian's office number, he wasn't there, either. Have you two been together this whole time?"

"Officially I've broken up with you. You no longer get the privilege to know this information. Suffice to say... I had some private business to tend to."

"Michael, I know you were with him. You closed the store for two days and Brian has been 'working from home' during that time, as well."

"All you need to know is that I had a very dear friend who needed my attention." Then Michael shook his head in perplexity. "And if you already suspected, why the hell did you ask me? Trying to catch me in a lie? Make it seem like this was all my fault? Like I was just waiting for the right time to pounce on Brian, while you weren't looking?"

"Michael... don't feel you have to lie to me."

"You are kidding, right? Yes, I most certainly do! You made damn sure of that. I thought I could trust you, but you betrayed me. The minute -- _the very second_ \-- you thought you could use Brian for _your_ benefit. And you didn't check with me first."

"Brian wasn't yours to deal with. He's his own person, separate from you."

"So why even bring me in at all? If I'm not part of this... part of Brian's life like you said?"

"I thought--I figured I could do this without including you, because I thought Brian was not that in love with you. But the more I dug, the more I discovered how wrong I was. I never imagined the wide, broad scope could pinpoint _directly_ to you."

"I could have helped you, Ben."

"How?"

"What's the main purpose of your thesis?"

"Human Psychology basis... with a range of perception versus reality."

"Hey... guess what? I'm human. I may not be handsome like Brian Kinney. Can't promise I'll give you that New York Times Bestseller you've always wanted to write, but I think I'm fairly interesting. I would have been your _willing_ subject had you asked me. Why not? Why Brian?"

Ben really didn't want to admit this, but Michael was forcing his hand. "Michael..."

Michael laughed, but it wasn't a nice hearty one. "See... I didn't really comprehend it all until Brian told me... ' _ **It's not about the paper anymore**_ '. He's right, isn't he? Had you always wondered about that guy who fucked you at the Miami White party two years ago? And when you discovered he was right here in Pittsburgh... did you want to pick him apart, piece by piece? Was it much easier to 'date' me, then sneak your peeks from that advantage point?"

"Michael, come on. That is not the reason why I've done _any_ of this."

"I'm not sexy or intriguing enough, but Brian is? What kind of crap is that?"

"He's a therapist's dream patient."

"NO!" Michael picked up a stack of comics and threw them at Ben. He began advancing on him again, making Ben push himself against a far wall, almost in fear of his life. "He's a fuckin'... _HUMAN!BEING!!_ I don't know how many times I have to tell you people this... before it sinks into your fuckin' hard-headed skulls!!" He took two fingers to press on his temple. The rage in him was near to boiling over and he knew his feelings for Brian were more than coming through. He shook his body of the fears the constant barrage of people bullying him and tempting him to show how tough he was. "I am exhausted from this battle I have to prove to everyone he exists. He's not cold and unfeeling like they believe. He's got dreams and wants and wishes just like all of us. He loves, he hurts, he cries and he bleeds like anyone on the street. He's not some _thing_ you can play around with in your little psycho-scientific paradigm of sexual fantasies. He's a man... trying to live in a world that didn't want him... and loving the one thing he knows won't ever hurt him. And I won't be the person who lets him down. I'm not backing away, at all. He's somebody who deserves a helluva lot more respect than what you're showing him."

"That's what Luke keeps telling me." Ben rolled his eyes, tucking his hands in his pockets. This version of Michael was waking him up, scaring him.

"What?"

"Lukas... my friend from college."

Michael stared in complete numbness. "I haven't suddenly gone dumb. I know who you mean. What I'm asking is... why would Luke talk _anything_ about Brian? He barely knows him."

"Luke knows about _this situation_. He knows about _everything_ we've done, you've done and I've done. And he's supporting you two... _you and Brian_... **100%**."

Michael was shocked to say the least. "Again... I'm floored. Why?"

"The other night he watched the video for me, because I couldn't bear to view it. One portion more than the other. Luke got so enraptured in the two of you... _and so pissed at_ _ **me**_... he erased over half the footage from that night." Ben couldn't believe it when Lukas had freely admitted what he'd done, when Ben tried to look at the film last night.

Michael's brow wrinkled in bewilderment. " _Which half_?"

"You and Brian... having sex."

" _Oh.... oh, man..._ " Michael began to snicker, hand over his mouth. Then he chuckled deeply and really giggled through his fingers. "... _oh, sorry_... but that's priceless! You still talking to him? I don't mean to make light of your predicament, but... you reap what you sow."

"Luke thinks he did the right thing for you and Brian. In actuality, you'll be pleased to know only three people know what _exactly_ went on that night. You, Brian and Luke. And Lukas will only give me _his_ perception of you two, not specifics. So... he's not budging on telling the whole truth."

"Uh! I could seriously kiss that man!" Michael pulled out his cell phone. "Give me his number so I can call him and take him out to lunch or dinner. Or..." He slipped his phone back in his pocket. "Tell him to give me a buzz, on my cell or here at the store."

"Did you mean it still?"

" _What?_ "

"About the second interview?"

" _Interview_? Sure, I'm game. But what I'm not promising you is that _anything else_ will happen _from me_. It will be all up to Brian that night. I'm there for him, not you."

" _Both_ of you?"

"Isn't that what I said?"

"Michael..."

A horn sounded. Then it sounded again by trying to form a song Michael might, or might not, recognize in a "horn" voice.

Michael's entire demeanor changed in an instant. Back was the bouncy footsteps, on was the easy grin (big one) and his eyes took on a powerful light that just dazzled Ben to quiet. " _Ah-yup!_ " He peeked through the superhero-painted window front. "That'll be Brian." He ran to the back storage room to pick up his jacket and keys. "Look... when you're ready, give us a call over the weekend. We've cleared our schedules and we can squeeze you in anytime."

Ben was stunned at what Michael could be stating. " _Whom_ do I call?"

"Call... **us**." Michael put on his jacket, fixing the collar as he smiled warmly. "You know the number. Brian's loft." He was pulling down his sleeves inside his jacket to even out the cuffs.

"You _live_ at the loft now, with Brian?"

Michael could hear the sad tone to Ben's voice. "I've been there more frequently in the past few days than my apartment. _You_ certainly made sure of that."

Ben scratched his fingers over his forehead. Not really sure if they were anywhere but gone. All he had to worry about now was Brian and Lukas. "I suppose any apology would be inappropriate."

"You can give me one, but I won't take it. I'm not the one you need to be on your knees begging forgiveness to. There's an amazing human being sitting out in that Jeep, who loves me for who I am. I've always known it, but I guess your little fiasco set us straight -- _straight into each other's arms_. We _do_ have something to thank you for. Maybe there'll be a way we can repay you for all your help in pointing us in the right direction, but not right now."

The doorbell jangled, Brian strolling in and holding the door before it interrupted more of the conversation. "Hey, Mich--I've been... _oh... hey, Ben_..." He nodded his head over to Ben along the wall. The normally calm professor looked... _near to frightened_ for some reason. Brian pulled off his gloves, walking over to bend down and kiss Michael soundly on the lips. The one arm he placed around Michael's waist brought them chest to chest, not side-by-side.

"Brian." Ben mumbled, pushing off the wall and moving toward the door.

"You _good_?" Brian's hazel eyes smiled down at Michael. He was asking a silent question if Ben was making a menace in the store.

Michael's brown gaze smiled first before the actual smile. “Yeah, I'm doin' great.” His two arms went about to surround Brian's waist, underneath his long wool coat.

Ben couldn't be in the room anymore. "I'll call when I have everything squared away."

"We _won't_ be waiting." Michael called out, with a smirk.

" _Bye_ , Ben." Brian raised a hand to wave formally. He pocketed his gloves.

Ben finally exited after a full half-hour of conversation with Michael, head hung low.

" _Whoa!_ Mr. Mopey Pants... was I wrong to come in?" Brian bit his bottom lip, finding Ben's demeanor quirky and somewhat unusual.

"Actually..." Michael rubbed Brian's back through his suit jacket. "I'm glad you did."

"Why? What did you do to Benji?" Brian's gaze caught sight of some comics laying on the hardwood flooring. He bent to pick them up, handing the stack to Michael.

"Nothing he didn't have coming to him." Michael strolled back to bounce within Brian's embrace. “No... I have something really cool to share with you.”

Brian caught him around the arms to stop him from being jumpy. " _What?_ "

"Ben lost the footage of our one night!"

"Huh? How?"

"Luke has slippery fingers."

"Ben's friend? What did we do to him to make him like us?"

Michael shrugged one shoulder. "I suppose Ben's been talking with Luke. He knows _everything_ and... he watched the video footage"

Brian grew enraged. " _Fuck!_ Bruckner promised me--!!"

" _Hey... hey..._ calm down." Michael soothed Brian's cheek, then over his chest. "The sex we had that night, in front of the camera, is gone. _**POOF!!**_ Like it never happened." He did some kind of "windshield wiper" move over Brian's face.

Brian found a way to sneak in for another kiss, then slipped down Michael's neck. "But it did for us."

"Yes..." Michael grabbed Brian's coat lapels and tugged. "... it certainly did." He felt Brian's tongue fall over his skin and under his sweater collar. "... _ugh_... I wanna go back."

"Huh?"

"The hotel. The one we were in for two whole days." Michael backed them up to hit the comic book rack lining the front window. “I wanna go back... lay in bed, in your arms and bug room service and be decadent.” The action caused Michael to lean on the priceless merchandise.

Brian spread his arms out to cover Michael with his body and long coat. "I couldn't agree more, but I can't do it all the time for too long of a stretch. Only every so often." Michael smelled incredible, so he took nibbles at his neck and hiked the shirt hem to expose Michael's navel.

"We can lock ourselves in the loft one weekend, from Friday to Monday afternoon." Michael nudged Brian's face, wanting to _not_ be here, but at home in bed. "Be somewhat the same thing. I'm sure there's a couple of places in the loft we haven't had sex in." He hefted himself up every so often to press lips against Brian's bottom lip. “Or on...”

Brian rolled his eyes in ecstasy, letting Michael's hands wander of their own free will. "Michael... that's what the night is for. And any chance we have to break away from work to find ourselves some free time together."

Michael tucked his hands at the back of Brian's suit trousers. "Where are you taking me to lunch?" He sighed in contentment, laying back on the comics. They were quite comfortable.

Brian smirked, his hazel eyes zeroing in on Michael's lips. He had this way of biting them that was starting to send Brian into erotic fantasies. He shook his head. "I can't tell you."

"Why?" Michael loved the adorable way Brian could flutter his lashes in coyness. He always could play the smart ass, knowing something that Michael didn't. But this time it was more personal and private, just between them. No one else would know.

" 'Cause it's a surprise. And..." Brian reached into his coat's inside pocket and pulled out a long strip of black silk. "... I have accessories to help me in case you can't learn to behave."

Michael gulped, thinking back to that question that had been in his head when they left New York City early this morning. What else could they do in bed to push themselves beyond normal boundaries? Why hadn't he thought of this? "Tie me up?" He raised a lone eyebrow in silent contemplation.

"Uhm... no..." Brian swallowed the lump lodged in his throat. An image of Michael tied to a bed or bound somehow to prevent him from using his hands to caress... _the pale, naked skin against his sheets_... _legs and arms spread wide_... _and begging for release from captivity_... _oh, yeah_... no wonder Michael looked so lustful. "Blindfold you."

**~~TBC...**


	23. Chapter 23

  
"Can we do it anyway?" Michael set them back upright, looking down at the strip of black fabric in Brian's hands. He had to make sure his mind switched gears before he really got himself worked up. 

"Tie you up?" Brian chuckled softly as he watched Michael's eyes try to change thought patterns from one kink to another.

"No. The 'blindfold' thing?"

"Somehow -- _from the way you're looking at this material_ \-- you want to use _this_ during sex once I'm done playing with you." Brian grabbed Michael's hands and walked them back to stand near the cash register counter.

"Well, yeah... and it may help me to stomach the chance of that threesome."

"What would you have done had I not brought out the blindfold?" Brian didn't even ask, he simply hefted Michael to sit up on top of the glass surface of the counter. It gave them the perfect height for Brian's actions toward Michael. Hands locked about his waist, under the jacket and fingers twined together, he leaned forward.

Michael opened his legs, letting Brian fall against his chest. He caught him around the neck, playing with the back of the shaved hairline. "I was flipping between closing my eyes and holding on tight to you." He demonstrated this move and then the next one. "Or leaning our foreheads together and staring into your eyes until it's all over." Brown eyes stared dreamily into hazel.

"I was only going to use the blindfold for my purpose today, but you've actually given me a great idea." Brian was coming up with all sorts of uses for the blindfold during their night with Ben.

Foolproof games and teasings to show where Michael's heart lay.

" _For the threesome?_ " Michael smirked, taking in a deep breath of courage. " _Uh-oh._.. you're creative monster is back in full swing." He lowered his head to kiss Brian, knowing how much of a distraction he had been the past two days. To the point where Michael actually had to help Brian figure out a campaign for one of his clients he would be meeting with on Friday.

"Four days of carnal bliss with you... _something_ was bound to wake up and turn on in me." Brian liked resting his head on Michael's shoulder, letting him take over.

"It's only been four days?! _Christ!_ " Michael cupped Brian's chin lifting the head up for more kissing, nudging his face with Brian's cheek. “And I'm still craving you the same as I did when we were younger.”

"Thank God we waited, huh?" Brian whispered in Michael's ear, placing his brow on the dark hair.

"Yeah, maybe. I think it's more like... I'm tired of knowing I can't keep other men satisfied with just me."

"I have no idea what their problem is." Brian raised his head to look up at Michael, reaching out to smooth his hand on the soft jawline. "I've always been pretty darn satisfied. Weird thing is... I wasn't even getting the sex from you they _were_."

"I know, that _is_ weird. And it wasn't like I went cold on them. I was still affectionate. I still loved them, Brian. I never stopped. One look at you and they knew I was lying. That we couldn't have been that platonic without at least trying to have sex together."

"We came close a few times, didn't we?" Brian pushed off Michael's body, grabbing the thighs under him.

"Yes. Did you wonder what kept stopping us?" Michael furrowed his brow in his own sweet wonder.

"Love -- too much of it." Brian let his hands slip further down, inside Michael's inner thighs. His thumbs were pushing toward the groin. "As if once we _did_ fuck, we wouldn't be able to contain ourselves."

"And respect." Michael ran his fingers down Brian's face, running the backs of his hands over the flushed skin. "Can't forget how much we respect each other, not only as a person, but that we have separate lives we've lived. We can come together as a couple and still be our own person."

"I knew who and what I was to most men. How I hurt them before hurting me." Brian hovered an inch from Michael's lips, watching them, closely. "I couldn't chance hurting you... possibly losing you."

"I knew you knew how much I loved you, but that you feared what it could do if you actually had it. Yours alone."

"How did you do it?" Brian scrunched his brow in close scrutiny.

"Do _what_?" Michael raised one eyebrow in thought.

"Keep loving me despite everything that's happened?"

“I've never seen you the same way most men do. The way most people do.” Michael rested skin on skin, wherever his head hit. "I've always had faith in how great you really were. That you are somebody in this world because someone loves you despite all the negative energy flow." He smiled sheepishly, knowing he was the "someone" who loved Brian beyond any doubts.

Brian slid his hands up, down and around to Michael's backside, cupping the cheeks in the brushed brown denim. "I hate to sound corny here... but I've always felt I could have every success in the world in my career and none of it really mattering if I didn't have you."

Michael arched back, feeling Brian's hands massage his rear, quite deliciously. It reminded him of their last few nights together. He was still a bit sore from this morning, but it was a pleasant soreness. Still being able to "feel" Brian inside him. "Now that you have me... what does that feel like?" One arm secure about Brian's neck and upper back, he pulled him close to his chest. The other hand ran down Brian's body under the wool coat.

"I wish I had something witty to say. All I got is... I'm a success in your eyes, no matter what I do. I really don't need much else." Brian sucked in a sharp intake of breath as Michael slid his hand toward his crotch.

"I liked it." Michael jumped down from the counter onto his feet. "Didn't sound corny to me." He stood up on tip toes to press a solid kiss to Brian's open mouth.

"Thought you would." Brian snickered and smiled sweetly, knowing what Michael liked to hear.

Michael spun around, his back facing Brian. He positioned his head for Brian to reach his eyes. But he also made sure his body perfectly conformed to Brian's front.

"What are you doing?" Brian gulped quickly as he felt Michael's ass hit his groin.

" _Blindfold_ me anyway. I feel like misbehaving." Michael reached a hand behind his shoulder to grab the side of Brian's head. He petted the cheek and down the neck, his fingers sliding down to catch the silk tie around Brian's throat.

Brian quickly whipped out the black silk from around his right hand. He hurriedly tied the material about Michael's head, blocking out his eyesight as best he could. "Michael... _fuck_... how could I still want you after all this time we've spent together?" He brought his hand up to splay his palm over Michael's lower abdomen, wanting to slip inside the brown denim.

"Easy. We've got fifteen years to catch up on some seriously hot fuckin'."

"Be honest." Brian lowered his head to breathe into Michael's ear. “Have you ever had any fantasies about us here?”

"I haven't had the store long enough..."

"Michael, please..." Brian nudged his face with Michael's hair, chuckling lightly.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm lying." Michael bent over to latch his hands on to the glass counter top. His backside high and ready for Brian to enter him, though he was clothed. "God, you feel good..."

Brian swiveled Michael to look at him with the blindfold on, bent in the same position. "Can you see?"

"No... but I can feel, touch and smell." Michael lifted up to lick down Brian's neck, not missing a spot. "... an' taste..." 

"And talk, too. But I can remedy that." Brian bent to snag Michael's lips, kissing him as thoroughly as possible, before he stepped back and stared. " _Jesus..._ "

Michael moved his head from left to right, thinking something was wrong. " _What?_ "

Brian dropped his head to Michael's chest. "My lunch plans flew out the window. You... your lips..." He tried to yank Michael's jacket off him as he was pinned to the counter.

Michael tried to reach up to touch his lips, afraid something was _really_ wrong. "What about _them_?" Once he knew things were okay -- _it was simply Brian's reaction_ \-- he tentatively touched Brian's head, filtering his fingers through silky brown locks.

"You bit them..." Brian groaned, raising up to lay face to face with Michael, above the blindfold. "... your top teeth bit your bottom lip..." His finger touched the faint mark left on the pale skin. "... it reminded me of the other night, when I was, uh..."

Michael was giggling, because he could imagine what he looked like to his young tween to teenager customers, spreadeagled on his cashier's counter. "Yeah... go on..." It was almost a dare, inside, to see if they could be interrupted or not. The sign didn't say **CLOSED** and the door wasn't locked.

"I _can't_."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Brian was right on Michael's lips. "... I'd rather fuckin' show you." He jogged away to turn the locks on the door and flip over the sign to **CLOSED** , he flicked the interior lights off. The inside of the store was darkened, illuminated by the glass counter's inside halogen lights. Brian took off his long coat and scarf, laying them on a rack of comics. He returned to stand in front of Michael, watchful and waiting.

Michael slowly stood upright, sliding his jacket off his shoulders, making it a slight striptease. "Brian..." His voice was deep and breathy, his eyes directly on the shadowy shape of Brian. "Are you gonna fuck me... right here? In my store?"

Brian wondered how Michael could make his voice always sound so virginal, like he was innocent and naive. It turned him on when the tone was used. "I'm finding black blindfolds look sexy on you."

Michael let his jacket fall, his hands coming out to grip the counter behind him. He could feel his body quake with anticipation. " _Holy... Christ..._ I'm hard..." He mewled on his own, as if his body was reacting to Brian's closeness, and words, without his control.

When Brian was a mere two inches in front of Michael, he lowered his hand to cup Michael's groin, feeling the hidden length pulsating. "Yes... you _certainly_ are." He drew his hand away, hands moving behind his back. "C'mere..." His sultry voice commanded of Michael.

"But... I'm the one who can't see."

"Oh..." Brian turned to his left. "... I think you can..." Michael's head turned toward where Brian's voice came from. Brian turned to the right. "... if you try hard enough..." Michael swiveled to face the right where Brian was standing now.

"Condoms?" Michael begged, his heart feeling as if it was pumping out his chest.

"I have them in my coat pocket when we're ready."

"You bought a new box?" Michael chuckled lightly, his nerves picking up. Without feeling Brian's radiating heat, he felt alone. He didn't know how to tell him he needed him near.

"Well... my lunch plans _did_ include sex, but I can't wait much longer for you."

"I wasn't _really that_ hungry... _for food_..."

Brian snickered, his footsteps slow and deliberate. "I'm hungry for you, as well."

Michael wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. "There's a deli 'round the corner. One of us can venture out, later... scrounge up a picnic." He wanted to walk closer to Brian, but wasn't sure if he was going in the right direction.

"I'd like that." Brian took a look out the front window of the store. "Think anybody will peek?" He stopped where he was, finding that Michael's "sense" of him was keen. It took everything in him to not reach out and grab him to his body.

"We can go to the back office, if you're that worried."

"Once we hit the floor, I think we'll be okay."

"You'll have to be my eyes." Michael lifted his hand up, catching the soft silk of the very expensive tie he kept hearing brushing against the suit's material.

Brian closed his eyes, knowing his next words were never more true. "I'll be anything you want me to be."

Michael pulled himself toward Brian, discovering he was "playing" this blindfold game out to its fullest extent. So he circled the tall frame, making sure to not miss one spot on Brian's body. "Keep doing what you're doing. Never forget... _you're mine now_." He paused at Brian's back, shuffling up to mesh their bodies chest to back. "I don't share with anyone." He locked his arms about Brian's frame, imprisoning the arms inside, as well.

For being blindfolded, Michael was sure taking charge of this experience.

Brian bent his head, speaking over his shoulder. "Once Bruckner's out of the picture, we won't have to worry anymore about interlopers hanging over our shoulders, asking us to 'perform' for them."

Michael pulled off Brian's suit jacket, then undid the tie, working on down the buttons of his shirt. "What about Justin?"

Brian swallowed nervously as he felt Michael's fingernails scrape his bare chest. "What about him?" Had his voice really cracked like that?

"The other night at Babylon." Michael slid his hands down to undo Brian's belt and zipper. "Think it's finally over or will he show up on your doorstep one night?"

Brian tried to control his breathing as Michael let the suit trousers fall at his feet. The feeling of being naked in the manufactured warmth of the store, feeling Michael's clothed body behind him, brushing his naked skin... sent him into tiny fits of pleasure. "Uh... somehow he always knows when things are over. He knew there was a possibility I would no longer want him anymore." He slipped out of his shoes, kicking them away with his pants.

Michael walked the final curve around Brian, to end up in front of him. Blindfold staring at frantic hazel eyes. He gripped Brian's hips, fingers slipping under the elastic sides to tug down. "Do I have your permission to deal with him... _should he not get the hint_... any way I see fit?" He stepped forward, placing his cheek on Brian's upper chest.

Brian wasn't even sure if he could touch Michael's hair or not. He wanted to brush through the newly shorn locks, but when Michael became this passionate about the sex they were about to have... he felt powerless, yet safe. He watched the dark head lower to his nipple. "What... _exactly_ , do you plan on doing?"

Michael smiled against the bare skin, chuckling as he licked the pert nub and blew on the nipple. "Don't worry." A trail of kisses connected the two breasts as Michael worked on the second nipple the same way. "I won't hurt him. I simply think he needs to hear the truth from me... concerning us." He let his lips trace down Brian's abdomen, on to the pelvic bone. He was about ready to land on his knees.

Brian didn't want Michael to "service" him. He cupped Michael's head to look up at him. "You think he won't listen to me?"

Michael licked and sucked at his own mouth, preparing to give Brian a seriously mood-altering blowjob. "Said it yourself, you've pushed him away plenty of times and he still won't go away."

Brian couldn't stand the suspense any longer. He dropped to his knees too. "It was only _just sex_... I swear." He kissed Michael deeply, fingers sifting through dark strands.

They were both on their knees, a sexual fervor for one another coursing through them. Off came Michael's suede Henley, then the dark brown t-shirt underneath. Next they yanked him out of his brown jeans and sneaker boots until both men were back on their knees, Michael still blindfolded. 

Brian couldn't stop caressing Michael's face. No other body part touching. Michael _needed_ to know, simply out of curiosity. "I know Justin was just sex. But did you ever think of me with him? Call out my name?"

"Michael... you know I can't tell you that." Brian smiled, wrapping one arm about Michael's waist.

The time was close to start really fooling around.

"Why not?" Michael pouted, bottom lip jutting out so Brian could kiss it back in.

Brian did, then trailed over Michael's cheek and down his neck. "I'd be giving you too much ammunition to use against him."

"I wouldn't rub his nose in the truth -- too much." Michael taunted as he began to lay down on the makeshift bed of their clothing. He and Brian were still clad in their underwear.

Brian lowered himself over Michael. "Yeah... your lips are moving, but I know your eyes are twinkling mischief."

Michael untied the blindfold, peering one eye from beyond the black silk. "Brian... no fair... you peeked." He shrugged one shoulder. "I can figure this out on my own. Whether you tell me specifically or not."

"That's why I'm not admitting to anything."

"Fine. I'll get it out of you sooner or later. To appease my own mind. I'm satisfied with what I already know."

"Which is?" Brian smiled down at Michael, watching as the small hands deftly began to tie the blindfold now around his eyes. Then he was flipped over on his back.

Michael pinned Brian's wrists to the floor. "I'm here... and no one else is..."

Brian groaned out his instant shock of pleasure, feeling Michael's groin slam into his. "So true... valid point."

"Now... where were we?"

"Uh... this morning... you promised you'd show me this 'nifty trick' you can do with your tongue..."

"Oh, yeah. I did, didn't I?" Michael slid down Brian's body toward his crotch area, letting his fingers lag behind to leave permanent marks on fevered skin.

" _Oh, Christ!_ Was one box enough?" Brian arched on the clothes, his head hitting hard wood as he felt Michael's teeth pull down the elastic band to seek what was always hidden beneath.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

When Ben returned to the apartment, after leaving the college for the day, he could sense something was happening. Lukas' truck was now parked closer to the front entrance of the building. He must have found a place to stay, finally. Ben swung off his bike and stared longingly at the old beat up truck. It wasn't full of luggage or the surfboards Lukas carried with him. Ben hefted up the bike and trekked up the few flights of stairs to his apartment.

Upon entering, Ben was overwhelmed with the warmth that immediately hit him as he strolled over to hang his bike on the wall. For two days it had been like this... coming home to a well-cooked meal waiting for him to eat. He could smell food cooking. It was more than appealing to the senses, 'mostly mouthwatering' was the best description. Ben didn't even bother shuffling through the mail or checking his answering machine. He unlooped his satchel from around his neck and wandered toward the guest bedroom.

As usual the door was shut, but not fully closed. He knocked, opening the door anyway. What he saw made his heart stop. Total and complete darkness. No sign that anyone had been here. Not even one sign of Lukas. The bed was perfectly made, even the scent of cigarettes was gone. The bags were gone too. It was as if the room had never been occupied.

_What in the world? What was going on?_

Ben paced backward, glancing over at the closed door to the master suite. _His_ bedroom. He crossed the living room and couldn't help the smile that spread over his face. The last two nights, both men had tried to sleep separately again. First night was Lukas, not able to catch one wink of sleep, crawling under Ben's sheets to slide over. Ben welcomed him with open arms. The second night, Lukas was dozing quiet peacefully in the guest bedroom, Ben waiting for Lukas to show up. When he managed to fall asleep for two hours, waking up to a cold bed, Ben trekked out toward the bedroom Lukas was slumbering in. He climbed into what little space Lukas had left on the mattress and fell asleep curled in those strong arms.

They hadn't even discussed where Lukas would go if he _did_ leave. Ben assumed Lukas was staying, but he hadn't expected _this_...

When Ben pushed open the door to the master suite, he found Lukas... unpacking. "Luke..." He sighed heavily, running shaking fingers through his hair.

Lukas glanced up, smirking. "Hey, hot stuff. I hope you don't mind. I think I found a new place to stay." He winked, knowing he may have scared the living daylights out of Ben.

Ben strolled further into the room. "Why? For three days now, you've had me worried, thinking you were leaving. I've been wracking my brain to think of some way to make you stay."

"So... now... you don't. How's that make you feel?" Lukas already knew, he could read it on Ben's face and in his eyes.

"Uh... dizzy... relieved... and content." Ben stepped to the end of the bed, grabbing a bed post. "I'm getting used to seeing your face every morning."

"Well... now it'll be right next to you on the pillow." Lukas put more items in his pile from his bag. "I really shouldn't make it more easy to catch me. But I'm exhausted, tired of running away. I don't feel like playing hard to get anymore. Both you and I now how much our time is limited here. Why waste it all waiting and wishing for what we know we already want?" He carried the pile over to Ben, transferring the things into his arms. "Speaking of time... I, uh... need to tend to dinner. Put these away in that drawer I have opened." He kissed and rubbed Ben's cheek, sliding him out of his lightweight suede jacket on the way out.

Ben was in a semi-trance and had to sit down. He had to let what was going on in his life sink in. Lukas... wasn't leaving. He was staying with him. Not only in the apartment, but in his bedroom. A big step and a loud admission of how committed Lukas was to their changing relationship. He quickly put the clothes away, shutting the drawer, slipping out into the kitchen. He loved watching Lukas do anything, he always made every action look effortless.

Ben recalled watching Lukas surf a few times in college, during Spring Break, down in Miami. Little local competitions, but it gave them money to "play" with while they were there.

"So..." Lukas was already dishing out the food on plates. He handed one to Ben with a fork and knife. "... how did your day go?" He followed Ben toward the table.

"Good... good... in between classes I worked on my thesis. I'm sure I finally got it figured out." Ben didn't know how to bring up the heated "talk" with Michael he had before lunch.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Water. Thanks." Ben stared down at his meal. Another one that looked delicious. "This smells great. What is it?"

"I modified some recipes in your froo-froo vegan cookbooks. They know what's important... _which is flavor_. But they're short on texture with taste. I've been doing that the past few days and you haven't died, so far." Lukas raised his eyebrow in wild wonder. He gave Ben his glass of water and brought himself a bottle of beer. "Well... that's cool about your thesis, Jamie. Maybe that means you can call off that second interview and--"

" _That_ hasn't changed. It's still happening."

"Why?"

"Well, for one... the paper leads up to this moment. I can't back out now."

"What's the _other_ reason?" Lukas assumed the most obvious of reasons. had something to do with Michael, himself.

"Michael called. He wanted to speak. He invited me to Red Cape. I thought he wanted to discuss us, but... all he wanted to do was break-up." Ben couldn't look at Lukas, knowing exactly what would be shining from his eyes. "Then he wanted to tell me he and Brian were agreeing to the interview. Michael made it clear... **he** wasn't agreeing to anything else."

Lukas tried not to choke, taking a sip of beer. "He broke up with you?" That's about the only thing in that long dialogue he liked hearing.

"Stop grinning." Ben grumbled, while taking his first bite of food. _God..._ again, it tasted heavenly.

"No, really. I'm sorry. _Boo hoo..._ " Lukas went to crank his hand near his tear ducts. "... and all that weepy shit. ButJamie, did you really think he could forgive you for something like this?" Lukas spread his cloth napkin over his lap.

"I wanted..." Ben shook his head, not knowing what he had expected, surely not what he got. "I hoped I could explain myself better."

"How? How can you possibly do that when you don't even understand this... _infatuation_ you have with Brian?" Lukas liked the way Ben's face frowned at the word "infatuation".

"Luke, I'm not--" Ben paused, knowing how easily Lukas could twist whatever he said around to make it sound terrible to his ears. "I think I'm pretty clear on what I'm doing."

"No. No, you're not." Lukas shook his head, cutting into his food. "You're not, because you still don't see what's between them as viable and living, growing past you. That they love one another more than you can even fathom." He took a bite and chewed as he talked. "Maybe you can't see beyond your broken heart or your bruised ego, but... it's there, thriving without your help."

"I know Michael _can_ love, but it's Brian who's suspect."

Lukas stared in absolute wonder and amazement. Ben just didn't "get" it. "You didn't see any of that when you filmed them for the first interview?"

"Well... I was still a bit jaded. I was kind of nervous, in and out of my head. Trying to remain objective and keep my mind focused." Ben closed his eyes recalling how difficult it was to _not_ stare at the two men together, especially in bed.

"What about _me_?"

"What about you, Luke?" Ben furrowed his brow in puzzlement.

"Did you ever doubt I could love like Michael?"

"Baby... you're different." Ben reached out to touch Lukas' forearm on the table. He took a sip of water, ice cubes clanging around.

"Sure, yeah... but was there a question in your mind that I could love _anyone_? Even you?" Lukas gestured with his fork toward Ben's chest.

**~~TBC...**


	24. Chapter 24

 

"Danny was a _clear sign_ to me. A clear sign that I knew you had the capability to give your heart to someone." 

"Yeah." Lukas began to mumble under his breath as he ate. "Someone who wasn't ever going to be you."

"Luke, no... that isn't--"

"It is, Jamie. You felt robbed... cheated, maybe. Like it shouldn't have been Danny, but you. So you ran away and hid from me. Because you hated what I'd done. I proved you right. I didn't love you."

"This isn't the same with Michael."

"No. You're right, it isn't. Different time, different man, different love. You 'gave in' before, because it was too late. You realized where you wanted to be and you had been replaced. Now -- with Michael -- you've played this part rather well. You've stayed ahead of the game. You're gonna break Brian Kinney down, just like you wanted to do with Danny. Because somewhere deep inside you _are_ a man who feels he's been inadequate."

"Luke, please..." Ben put down his fork, wiping his face with his napkin.

"Am I right? 'Cause I feel like I am. It hit me today, all of a sudden. _Why Michael?_ I know what you told me. Nice appeasement, but it didn't feel like the truth to me. It's something you've told yourself to hide the real torment."

"I really don't want to hear _this_ now." Ben stared down at his food, wishing to be somewhere else. He didn't want to be rude.

"Too bad. That's who I am, darlin'. Want me in your life, you gotta put up with me gettin' in your face. _This_... is what I do to make sure you stay sane." Lukas sat back in his seat, picking up his beer to sip from. "Michael wasn't only different... he was easy. Easy prey, open heart. He was ripe for you, almost too ready to fall in love. I _know_ you, Jamie. You probably dazzled and charmed him, petting his low self-esteem. Then he got close, because you put the 'danger zone' out there. You tempted him with your illness and you played him to see how far he would go. He got so close he actually _wanted_ a sexual relationship with you. Now... you're thinking, ' _God, he wants to be my boyfriend. Should I or shouldn't I?_ '... and how long before you were introduced to Brian? How long before you recognized him from Miami? How long before you saw yourself... _your old self_... in Brian, but could now identify with Michael? Except... who plays the role of Brian Kinney in you brain. I'm thinking... it's me."

" _Stop! Stop right now!_ " Ben threw his napkin down on the table, shaking his head in disagreement. "I'm not projecting myself onto Michael. And for damn sure, I'm not trying to hurt you." He picked his fork back up to resume eating. He was too damn hungry to run away from an argument, if that's what they were doing.

"Yes. I know you aren't." Lukas spoke his next words softly and succinctly. "Because you're attempting to hurt yourself."

"I still don't--" Ben wrinkled his forehead in confusion.

"I feel like you would do anything you could to protect Michael. You love him, that's a given. But _how_ do you love him? You don't seem _in_ love with him. You're trying to keep him safe from Kinney, by knowing everything you can about the man and his myth. You wanted to show how easy and simple it was to crack him. But what you're finding out is... _you can't_. It's hard to pinpoint Kinney's motives, because you think he's complicated. More than anything, Michael has been able to surpass you. You're hitting a wall with Kinney and Michael climbed over that wall years ago and is long gone. _He_ knows how Kinney is and he won't let go of him. Ever. _That_ pisses you off. Not only as a jealous ex-boyfriend, but as someone who cares about Michael's welfare and wants to see him happy."

"Brian will only end up breaking his heart."

"Really? I think you underestimate them both. They're happiest when they're _with_ each other. Michael's had his heart broken many times before by Brian. He can withstand _anything_. Brian... now, he's a little more tricky, but he's really not as complex as you would like to think."

"Are you even gonna share you're insight with me?"

"No. I'm hungry and... really, you learn nothing if I keep telling you what's going on. Maybe you have to _see_ what I mean for yourself to understand what I'm saying."

"You saying what I think you're saying?" Ben couldn't believe his ears.

"I think I can agree with this second interview, but I'm warning you..." Lukas pointed his index finger toward Ben. "... unless your intentions are pure toward them -- or Brian -- I want you to promise me you'll leave. Leave no matter what's happened up to that point." He leaned back to cross one leg over his knee. The socked foot dangled and smacked Ben's leg. "They've had four days to be with one another and think over your motives. The fact that they've both agreed tells me they understand what you want... _or need_ from them." He wondered exactly what was going through both those mens' minds right about now. "I have this feeling, though, most of what you'll be doing will come solely from Brian. Michael's hurt, Jamie. He might be done with you for awhile.

"I know, but I'll feel worse if I don't try."

"What's left that you've got to save?" Lukas didn't understand why Ben kept holding on to Michael. "It's a lonely road you pave for both you and Michael, if you think you can salvage anything you two had together. You no longer love him the same. At least... not with the same passion you had in the beginning."

"I _do_ still care for him." Ben spoke low and in a curt tone.

"Yeah, but that will never sustain Michael's heart for long. He _deserves_ love. He _deserves_ to have what he's wanted all his life. And none of those two things include you."

"You're liking this, aren't you?" Ben turned to glare at Lukas, attempting to see his "glee" at his heartache.

"Yes, in little ways. I regret that I am, because it's at the expense of your heart, which I know you have. I hope it's still there like I think."

"Don't worry. It is. I know where you're coming from with what you say."

"Jamie, this doesn't change anything between you and I. I won't leave because you can't stop loving someone. I wouldn't want to lose you over the feelings you think I have for Danny."

"Do you still love him?" Ben became quiet, thoughtful.

"Yes and no. Only a little, but it became more a friendship love. I had passion, once. I wanted him when we were first going out, but the deeper we got involved the more difficult it became to let him go." Lukas sat back, feeling full. “He wore me out with his mood swings.” He drank from his bottle for a little while.

"You see me headed down that road with Michael?"

"Well... you weren't headed anywhere good the way you were treating him." Lukas crossed his arms over his chest. His foot slid up Ben's leg, intentionally. "You have good intentions, but what you forget is that Michael _was_ his own man. He was _someone_ before you came into his life, whether you saw it in him or not. You cut him out of your world just as soon as he showed you what he was made of." He cleared his throat, prepared to bear his soul for Ben to comprehend Michael's predicament. "It took a lot for me to justify having sex with Danny, I'm sure it wasn't much easier for Michael. I was at my best taking care of Danny. He never knew I was there some days. In and out of fevers... falling into comas, three and four days at a time. He kept coming so close to death, I thought he'd be gone when I woke up the next morning."

"Luke... I can't promise you it won't be the same with me. Don't make me put you in another tragic role you can't handle."

"I know, Jamie, but one thing _will_ be different.” One arm still across his stomach, Lukas reached out to play with the stitched hem of his napkin. “I love you beyond any realm of life or death. I would do _anything_ I could for you, if you were sick like Danny became." He couldn't look at Ben when he talked about his relationship with Danny, never knowing how Ben would receive the information. "I often wondered once he passed... what would have happened had I loved him like I do you. Would things have been different had he and I not been dating and making a life for ourselves together? Someone who loved him as much as I loved you?"

Ben scooted his chair closer to Lukas, making sure they could be face-to-face. " _Jesus..._ from the time you two met, he lasted three more years. You said he was ready to die when you two were introduced. That certainly says a lot about what you meant to him."

"Love shouldn't ever be one-sided, Jamie. Even if that one half of the relationship is dying. I never knew who I was coming home to most of the time. He scared me some days, always wondering if he was enough for me. He didn't even wish to be with someone who was HIV Poz like him. He knew how he was and he warned me. But silly me, thought he was simply shooting me down. Playing hard to get. I have that damn ' _saving the world-one person at a time_ ' complex Dad kids me about." Lukas snickered at his own ideas of himself. "I thought I could do that with Danny. When I realized how in love he was with me... that's when I deduced I loved him, but not the same."

"So... _why_ get married?"

"Plenty of reasons.” Lukas shrugged one shoulder at a time, unsure even now why. “None of them what Danny needed to get better. I'm sure when he really got sick he was giving up and giving in all over again. He had nothing to stay for, not even me. He knew I didn't love him completely."

"What made him eventually pass on?"

"He argued with me. If you wouldn't come to Hawaii, maybe I should fly out to you. I knew what he was trying to do. Waiting for me to be gone so he could die alone. He kept asking me to make the flight arrangements, to call you. I put it off, until one day I got so fuckin' frustrated with him... I lied right to his face. When I told him the false information, he smirked at me unable to stop chuckling. That know-it-all chuckle that told me he knew more than he let on." Lukas smiled bittersweetly, as if recalling the smile right in front of him. "Six days later, he was brought to the ER and he hung by a single thread of life. I knew he was ready. The hospital staff who was familiar with his case knew he was ready. And Danny, himself, knew. He didn't have much time left. So the last thing he said to me was... ' _Luke... you were never a good liar._ '... and he told me that there was something he left for me. Whatever 'it' was... was at home, waiting for me when I got the balls to figure out the rest of my life."

" _Which was?_ " Ben had eaten everything off his plate, as was becoming usual.

"A one way ticket." Lukas looked directly at Ben, not wavering. "To see... **you**."

" _Holy shit!_ " Ben leaned back in his chair.

"Tell me about it." Lukas sniffed out a chuckle, shaking his head. "I got scared and returned the ticket. It was too soon." He couldn't look at Ben anymore, except from under his dark lashes.

"You got scared of me?" Ben put a palm to his chest in befuddlement.

"Of us. Of how much I _did_ care about you. Of how much I _needed_ you. I never felt like I was _that guy_... _the one who fell so hard for a man._ Like I'd get giddy, quaky in my shoes and nervous like a teenager in lust. I wasn't even _this way_ as a teenager."

"I would have taken you in. Gladly." Ben sat forward, reaching out for one of Lukas' hands.

"No. You _wouldn't_ have." Lukas yanked his hand back, feeling cautious. "You say that respectfully now. Had I been here earlier, you wouldn't have been able to stand me. Plus... with my whole medical situation, I'm not sure either of us could have handled the pressures. I didn't want you to love me or want me out of pity."

"That never would have been the case." Ben pounded a finger down in forceful resignation. "What's changed now?"

"I'm healthy. No sign of cancer left. And your blood levels are good, right? Medicine is working?"

"Yes. Last appointment, they were extremely good. My doctor was impressed."

"Great. Good to know." Lukas awkwardly snickered, grabbing onto the chair seat to sit upright. "It's the last thing we need along with everything else going on."

"You know I used to have the same mentality as Danny did, about not dating anyone who was sick like me. But then when I started going to support groups and got back in touch with old friends, who were in the same boat... it was much easier to manage the relationship."

"Had you been seeing someone before Michael?" Lukas asked, his eyes wide and curious.

"Yes." Ben didn't want to say much else.

"Did the relationship go sour or _what_?" Lukas was finding Ben's quiet nature very disarming.

"Sex was great, but he... he, uh, got back together with his ex, the man who infected him." Ben nodded his head when Lukas' began to doubt him.

"Oh... _ouch_. I'm sorry. That really sucks. What a fuckin' idiot." Lukas paused wondering something about Ben's situation. "Do you know?"

"Know _what_? _Who infected me?_ "

"Yes." Lukas leaned forward, chin on his hand as he stared at Ben. "Was it easy to figure out?"

"Why do you want to know?" Ben lifted up one eyebrow.

"So you _do_ know?"

"I've know since I had the blood test done."

" _Fuckin' bullshit!!_ " Lukas pushed his dish away in mild frustration.

"Luke... wha--what's wrong?" Ben's hand went to soothe Lukas' back, rolling up around the shoulder blades.

"Are you gonna tell me who it is?" Lukas put his head in his hands, rubbing his aching temples. "Is he _still_ alive?"

"Yes, he's still alive." Ben completely slid his chair next to Lukas, huddling his frame over the shaking body. "And I'm _not_ telling you if all you plan on doing is kicking his ass like Nick at the Country Club." He leaned his forehead on the blond curls, inhaling the heady scent of maleness.

"I just--Jamie..." When Lukas sat back up, Ben drew away a few inches, but was close. "... if you and I make a go of this relationship, I don't want to be wary of every guy you know who we bump into. I don't want to have to keep wondering, ' _Is this him? Is he The One?_ '."

Ben understood why Lukas was asking and didn't feel as if he was intruding on things he shouldn't know. "His name is Paul. He's kept in contact with those men he knew he infected. Once he learned of his HIV status he called all of us. Every couple of weeks he invites us out to lunch or out for coffee to catch up, make sure we're doing okay."

"Do you still love him?" Lukas turned his weary eyes toward Ben.

Ben heard the underlying emotion Lukas was holding back. He simply wanted to know if Ben was _over_ Paul, if he would be enough for Ben. "No. Not like I used to. I had an idol worship of him that bordered on a feeling of love. But once I got the call... well, I couldn't talk to anyone I knew since I got here. Paul was far from my mind. I really wanted to call my mother, _don't know why_. But since we weren't talking anymore... my next choice was you."

"And I'm glad you did." Lukas rested his head on Ben's forehead, as he was close enough to do so with. "I was a basket case for days after." He closed his eyes, remembering how sick he'd gotten, how quickly he had run to the bathroom to vomit and almost pass out. Danny had been there for him, wanting to help him out since Lukas had been there for him so many times before. Danny cried along with Lukas, holding him and rocking him in the bed. "When Danny noticed how I was, he told me to go. To get off the island and be with you." He reached for Ben's hand, bringing it to his chest so Ben could feel how quick his heart beats were getting. "He knew how much you needed me, probably too afraid to tell me how much you _did_ need me there. Danny had wanted the same support from his family and friends, he knew what was best."

"I don't know whether to feel elated or guilty that Danny thought more of me than I did of him." Ben was being humbled by Danny, more than he liked.

"That's how Danny operated. He looked like a guy who didn't give a shit about anything or wouldn't care. But then somewhere, deep inside, would be laying this sentimental fool... and Danny would reach out his hand in kindness. Blew my mind to witness his unwarranted generosity."

"Is that why you stayed with him? For the Danny he wasn't anymore?"

"No. I stayed because I _did_ love him in my own way. I don't walk out on someone just because we can't be what we used to. We tried working things out, it wasn't like we didn't get along or have romantic moments. But most important for me... Danny had no one else around him. Except his Mom who wasn't much up for traveling to see her son."

"He was lucky to have you." Ben hugged Lukas to his side, tightly.

"And now... you're the lucky one." Lukas kissed Ben soundly on the lips as he pulled out of Ben's embrace, picked up both their plates and carried them to the sink.

Ben sat back to admire the loose fitting jeans and well-washed t-shirt on Lukas' body... the muscular frame in comfortable clothing that would be his alone to explore later on tonight. He wished he didn't have feelings for Michael -- _this incessant worry about Brian in Michael's life_. He wished he didn't have to write the thesis. He really, simply, wanted to start a new life with Lukas, the one person who knew him better than himself, and still loved him. Because for damn sure... Ben didn't even know if he loved himself all that much anymore.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Justin was wandering out of the main building of PIFA's student hall, army green satchel strung across his chest and earphones over his head when he caught sight of Brian's black Jeep sitting near the curbside. He got way-more excited than usual and opened the door to climb in. He shut the door and buckled himself down before looking toward the driver's seat.

" _Jesus..._ " Justin sighed in complete bliss, throwing his bag at his feet. "... am I glad to see you." He smiled, looking over to catch brown eyes glaring at him from the driver's side, where Brian usually was. " _Wha-?!_ " His hand automatically tried to open the door, forgetting he was safely buckled in.

Justin knew the cologne had been misleading. This wasn't the way Michael normally smelled to him. Not typically his scent.

"Sorry to disappoint you." Michael set the door lock, Justin couldn't get out. The "child proof" safety had been set. Michael inwardly chuckled at the reference of "child" and "Justin" in the same sentence. "I called your Mom. Found out she sometimes takes you to lunch. How nice for you to have a mother who loves you so much."

"Where is she?" Justin furrowed his brow in worry. He was having a hard time with his seat buckle. Something was jamming the mechanism. He'd blame it on Michael, but he could see that a string from his jacket was caught, trapping him in the passenger seat, literally.

"Busy with a client." Michael pulled away from the curb to make his way out of the parking lot. He knew exactly where he was taking Justin, but wouldn't bother to tell the young boy.

"Did _you_ have something to do with that too?"

“Wouldn't you like to know?” Michael snickered, shaking his head at how Justin's mind worked on his "supposed" revenge tactics. "Your Mom has a job, Justin. Sometimes things happen to change plans." He'd leave it at that to piss the boy off more.

"She always makes time for me."

"Lucky you. Wish you knew how it could be if your Mom hadn't been so supportive of your lifestyle choices." Michael stopped at a red light, turning on his left blinker.

"What are you talking about? You have a great mother. Debbie's cool."

"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about your gay superhero... Brian Kinney."

Justin blushed, looking away. "I don't think you and I should be talking about Brian behind his back."

"Too bad. He knows I'm doing this with you. I have permission to 'deal with you' in any way I see fit."

" 'DEAL' with me?"

"Did I stutter? Yes... so I chose a direct approach. Because obviously you don't pick up on hints and subtleties." Michael stopped at another red light, behind two cars. He leaned over the steering wheel to look at Justin. "Leave.Brian.Alone. Do that..." He sat back when the light turned green. "... and I won't make your pathetic life a living hell."

Justin actually chuckled quite loudly. "What? Is _that_ supposed to scare me?"

Michael didn't let the annoying laugh get the best of him. Justin was still a kid, no morals or scruples. No sense of being responsible for his actions, then consequences he would face later on. "Why don't you do something... and find out?"

Justin sighed, closing his eyes. "You think you love him? Better than I could?"

Michael was the one who laughed outright. "Honey... I don't have to _think_... I know. Brian hasn't stopped telling me for days now."

"I saw you... I saw you two at Babylon. In the backroom."

Michael wasn't shocked, he was pretty ecstatic. "Great. Hope we gave you a nice woody someone had to rid you of. Sorry it couldn't have been Brian, but he was busy fucking me in the ass... or was he giving me a blowjob at the time?" He tapped his finger on his chin. 

"You'll never be enough for him?"

"And you think you will? Kid, you're barely out of your 'training pants' in the fucking and sucking department. You think a couple of nights in Brian's bed makes you a shoe-in for Stud of Liberty Avenue? You might have been crowned King, but you can easily be dethroned in Brian's eyes." Michael shrugged his shoulders, paying attention to the road and not Justin's intent glare trying to burn through his flesh. "Maybe I am or maybe I'm not enough for Brian Kinney. If you've got the stamina to wait... I'll be there by his side always. Like I've been for all this time... even before you were born. I've got twenty years ahead of you. I bet you can't even last twenty minutes without boring the shit out of him."

Justin bunched his fists in his lap, turning to look out the window. "Is there some _point_ to this? If I'm not having lunch, I'd like to go back on campus and grab a snack before my next class."

"Relax, kid. I'm still taking you to lunch like your Mommy normally does. I have her permission, too."

"I'd rather have my teeth pulled."

"I could save you the dentist visit and just punch you right now."

"What... is wrong with you?" Justin covered his face with his hands unsure his life was in danger or not.

"You really want to know?"

"Yes. Hello? I asked."

"Well... what's wrong with me... _what's been wrong with me_... is YOU. And how you can't let go or leave Brian alone."

"Other way around, Mikey." Justin taunted, but found at the next stoplight... Michael pressed heavily on the brake pedal without warning. The seat belt pulled too snuggly than was supposed to over Justin's chest. " _Ow! Fuck! That hurt!_ "

"Good! It was supposed to. And you are so wrong, Boy Wonder."

" _STOP! CALLING!! ME!! THAT!!_ " Justin pounded his angry balled fists on his thighs.

"And... MY NAME IS MICHAEL, jackass!! And I'm way more older than you. You need to respect your elders. What do you call your Mom? Jennifer?"

"Sometimes... when I'm upset with her or if I want to get her pissed at me." Justin didn't know why he was telling Michael this.

"Oh, yeah? Sometimes... I call mine... The Red-Headed Clown... or Bozo... Depends. I owe Brian those nicknames."

Justin couldn't not crack up laughing. He didn't know who "Bozo" was, but the red-headed clown was perfect for Debbie. " _No shit!?_ "

"Well, not to her face. Of course, I like standing upright and breathing. It's usually under my breath or behind her back."

"Why does she wear the red wig anyway?"

Michael wasn't sure Justin was taking him seriously. "Because 'Blonde' wasn't in the year I was born? How the fuck would I know what my mother does... or says half the time?!"

"Why are you even attempting to be half-way decent to me?"

"Because... in some small – minute -- tiny-- puny... minuscule, non-particle way. Brian cares about your welfare because of what happened to you. Beyond my better judgment, even having your skull cracked open hasn't given you much more common sense than what you might have been born with."

"Huh?"

"My point exactly!"

"Is Brian breaking up with me?"

"Uhm..." Michael bit his bottom lip, quick to bark out a mean response. "Truth be told, you were never 'dating' him like real boyfriends should. What you two had doesn't constitute having a break up level. You two just part. He goes one way, you go opposite of him. Point being... YOU MOVE ON. And... _Christ!_ If you consider what you and Brian had any semblance of being 'boyfriends', 'dating' or being in a relationship with someone you love... gah, you are in for one seriously rude awakening."

"If Brian doesn't do 'boyfriends'... why are you hanging on?"

Okay... now the brattiness was back, with a vengeance.

"Because..." Michael secretly smiled to himself, knowing his expression would piss off Justin.

"That's it!? You expect me to take _that_ in and simply walk away?"

Michael pulled into the parking spot of the little restaurant he was taking Justin to. "Hey... it's better than the alternative."

"Which is?"

Michael took the key out of the ignition, then touched his hand to Justin's leg. He poked him in an annoying fashion. "Try to mess with Brian... or Brian and I at Babylon or Woody's... and find out. I dare you." He put his other hand on the door handle to get out.

"You could just be handing me empty threats." Justin licked his lips and swallowed deeply.

"Okay. If I am... why can't you unlock your door and leave me sitting here?" Michael unbuckled his own belt and opened his own door to force Justin to try his, as well.

"Uh... we're in the middle of town and I'd have to walk back to campus."

"And what else?" Michael knew there was more.

"I can't open my door, even when I've unlocked it. I've tried. It's broken."

_Oh, shit!_ Michael had spooked Justin something fierce. "Poor thing. No Wheaties today, huh? Well, maybe we can find you a spinach wrap on the menu... and you can grow big arms and biceps just like Popeye." 

"You did something to the door?" Justin squinted his eyes at Michael, wanting and answer.

Michael nodded his head slowly, sucking in his cheeks not to laugh hard. "And now we see the reason why you're an art major."

"What?" Justin shook his head in confusion. "You're playing games with me and I don't like it." He was so angered he actually was able to release his seat belt. But the door was still not budging.

"Welcome to my suckfest of a world, kid. I'm only being as kind to you as you've been to me. I could do worse."

"You won't." Justin said it like he knew Michael couldn't be that evil or vindictive.

"Why not?"

" 'Cause... it's not in you to be mean, unkind or nasty... to anyone, even people you hate."

"That is starting to change. Would you like to be my first test subject?" Michael chuckled deeply as he slid out of his seat and shut his door. He walked around the hood of the Jeep, watching Justin try to "think" through his dilemma. The kid just didn't want to be made a fool of in front of Michael. "You could ask me for help." He yelled loud enough for Justin to hear him through the windshield.

"No... thank you." Justin sighed, figuring out he could slink onto the driver's seat and slip out that way. But he forgot Michael had the keys and set the automatic key lock from the ring in his hand. Justin looked up at Michael, eyes kind of sad and somewhat remorseful.

Michael walked up to the Justin's window, staring at blue eyes through the glass. "You _are_ aware you've pretty much worked on my last nerve? You get no second chances at all with me. But... what I'm willing to do for you... this minute... the moment you ask for my help to open you door... clean slate. You get to start over. But only if you agree to walk away now. You try to come back into Brian's life, without a fatal wound, set on fire or a good excuse... IT.IS ON."

Brown eyes glared into blue, not moving one inch. Blue eyes blinked, never saying one word.

Michael shrugged and walked away, heading into the restaurant.

"MICHAEL!"

Michael smiled discretely as he wandered over to set Justin free from his Jeep imprisonment. "Welcome to the Real World, Justin Taylor."

"Shut up." Justin grumbled as he climbed down from the seat and tried to shut the door.

Michael held it open to show Justin the side of the door. "See this... it's called a 'child safety lock'. Nice to know it works and fits its name." He turned the switch in the opposite direction. "Get the fuck inside!" He pushed Justin in his mid-back to move his sluggish feet. He was hungry and giving up a nice lunch with Brian for this opportunity.

  
**~~TBC...**


	25. Chapter 25

  
Lukas had come off the elevator and was immediately impressed with the hustle-n-bustle of the office. He knew now why he didn't care for desk-jockey jobs. This kind of activity would send him into a tailspin. He liked his advantage point, from where he stood, on the outside looking in. 

The huge semi-circled desk, for the switchboard operator/secretary to sit at, was busy, as well. Lukas leaned on the far counter, smiling at the pretty young woman with the brunette hair pulled high on her head to drape down her back. She wore a hands-free telephone headset, fielding the many different phone calls coming in while sorting through the piles of mail. She was even dividing up the pink slips of " **While You Were Out** " messages. She had managed to perfect this maneuver, watching people with her sharp gray eyes, conversing on the phone while jotting down the different information being delved out in her ears. All while flushing from the way Lukas was staring at her, biting her bottom lip and fanning herself with some Fed Ex packages. She had seen him once he'd gotten off the elevator, kept motioning for him to hold on and she'd be with him in a second. But each second turned into another minute spent on the phone attempting to appease frayed nerves. Her phone lines never stopped buzzing.

Finally, Lukas put up a hand, telling the secretary that he'd be "fine". He was truly in no hurry. He turned around to take an empty seat in the plush waiting room. The furniture was low, steel rods and made of glass, heavy plastics. He really didn't "fit" the decor in his worn jeans, scruffy motorcycle boots, white thermal underwear shirt and thick jean jacket with flannel lining. He looked straight off a cowboy ranch. He hadn't shaved, so his beard was growing nicely by noontime. And he hadn't done much with his curls, simply let them dry once he got out of the shower.

He set the plastic bag, in his hand, down on the floor, hiking his ankle to rest on his knee. He didn't know this, but the secretary now had a very nice view of the bulge in his worn jeans. She dipped out of view and nearly fainted on her desktop. Green eyes simply watched the hub-bub moving around him with an objective view. He found that more than one of the office women were eyeballing him and his posture in the short chair. For a big man, he slumped low and relaxed enough to appear as if he was falling asleep. A few random male eyes quirked up in interest, catching the devilishly handsome gentleman adorning their waiting room. He looked as if he just stepped out of a Marlboro cigarette ad, directly off his horse. They wanted to know who in the world he was and if he'd take their phone numbers. 

Lukas wasn't self-conscious, he was quite used to the blatant scrutiny. After about ten minutes, double doors to his right were opened. He sat up a tad straighter, putting his feet down flat to the carpet. The noise level increased. People upon people were piling out of the huge room, which must have been some kind of boardroom. The makings of an impromptu staff meeting had just ended.

A very distant European accent, probably British or Welsh... loudly proclaimed that they would be working through lunch. But the company would order take-out and they would pay for every meal. There was an initial wave of disdain and then a sudden euphoria as the promise revived the workers who had planned on leaving the building for lunch. Now they could pick the most expensive restaurant in Pittsburgh, who delivered to their building, and choose whatever their selfish hearts desired.

Lukas glanced down at the plastic bag, around the paper bag, holding three Styrofoam containers he had brought with him. He chuckled and shook his head. He had been told right, from as early as 9am this morning.

Brian Kinney knew his office and staff well. Predicting that they'd have some free time open if Lukas bought lunch to eat here. Brian knew the client's meeting was at 3pm and the office was no where near ready to show their ad campaign. It would require a lot more attention and he wouldn't be able to leave for lunch, like usual.

Lukas watched as the man on his mind finally stepped out of the boardroom. Both doors were open now. He was purposefully lagging behind everyone else.

A tall, thin blonde woman, ringlets pinned back from her round face, stood by Brian's side, nearly glued to his left hip. She held a thick legal-sized pad folder that held her notes and Brian's ideas on the lines inside in her detailed shorthand.

Brian leaned back against one of the open doors, looking over some flat, rectangled storyboards. He kept playing with his tie, shaking his head as his hazel eyes looked over each intricate marking on the objects. He was agreeing with his boss, the shorter, stocky bald man blocking Lukas' full view of Brian.

Lukas stood from his seat, grabbing the plastic bag in his right hand as he caught sight of Brian's gaze acknowledging his arrival. The blonde woman found where Brian had been looking and kept staring at Lukas, smiling and biting her plump bottom lip. She was giving the gorgeous blond stranger the once-over and then some.

"I'll get right on it, Vance."

"Great." Vance clapped his hands together. "I'll check back with you in an hour, Brian. Good job, you two. I know the clients will be very happy with the new ideas." He headed off in the opposite direction than from where Lukas stood.

“I hope I'm not late.” Lukas wandered over, left thumb hooked into the back pocket of his jeans. "You said close to 12:45pm." He looked at a wall clock that said it was almost 12:56pm.

Cynthia's jaw fell open. "Did I dream you last night?" She thought he was talking to _her_.

Brian closed Cynthia's mouth. "He's with me, Cynthia." He tucked the hand that held the poster boards under his right arm. He cleared his throat, looking at Lukas. "No. You're good. The meeting ran a little long."

“Introduce me, Brian.” Cynthia poked Brian in the ribs with her very bony elbow. "Don't be so fuckin' rude." She smiled sweetly at Lukas, talking through her white teeth.

Lukas snickered, wiping a hand over his mouth at how loosely the pretty woman talked with Brian. Almost like what one would assume to be "sister-like".

Brian tugged away when Cynthia went to grab his biceps. He stood between the beautiful blond heads. One hand on Lukas' shoulder joint through his jean jacket. "Gay Aquaman... meet Flirty, Tartish Breeder."

"Brian!" Cynthia pushed on Brian's shoulder. "Excuse him... he has no more brain or dignity left." She decided to introduce herself. "I'm Brian's lifeline and personal assistant, Cynthia."

"Lukas Harrison." Lukas took the dainty offered hand in his grasp, softening his grip. "I'm really an ex-professional surfer... and part-time marine biologist."

Brian nodded his head. "Yeah... that's why I've called you 'aquaman'. Do I need instructions with my dry wit?"

"I've hung up my tights long ago." Lukas smirked at Brian, winking at Cynthia.

Cynthia zeroed her eyes and took a deep breath of courage. "Any chance you'd think about wearing them again... for, like, a second?"

"Down, Cynthia." Brian petted the top of the blonde ringlets. "He's not interested. He's _gifted_... like all of us homosexuals."

"I know..." Cynthia hugged her leather folder to her chest. “I just wanted one other image before I go.” Her face was transfixed in some kind of dreamland of beautiful men who were always out of her reach. Either they were gay or married.

Lukas looked intently at Cynthia's wide eyes. "Turkey on toasted wheat... swiss... lettuce, tomato... pickle -- spear, of course... mayo and mustard on the side."

"Huh?" Cynthia's mind went blank, mouth-watering. _That_ sounded good right about now.

Lukas took out the top Styrofoam container from the plastic bag. "I could read your mind. It pours out of your eyes." He handed Cynthia the sandwich Brian had told him to get for an extra bonus. He had wondered who it was for, now it made sense.

"Uh... can I love you?" Cynthia stuttered out in a warbled voice.

Lukas snickered, feeling truly happy for once since he'd been here in Pittsburgh. "My boyfriend might have a problem, but... _sure_... and you can have the food, as well. To remember me by."

"Thanks, uh... I guess..." Cynthia walked away, dumbfounded and a little brokenhearted.

“C'mon.” Brian closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Let's go to my office."

About a billion heads turned to watch the Gorgeous Blond Cowboy walk behind Brian Kinney toward his office. More than one broken heart followed. Little did they know Brian had no business with Lukas other than to talk.

Brian strolled ahead, down the hallway to his door. He found Lukas obediently following him. "It can get noisy out here. Especially on a Friday, the closer it gets to five o'clock." He opened his door, leaving it for Lukas to shut.

When they were both inside the office, with the door closed, it was shattering how much difference there was in the noise pollution.

Brian threw the poster boards on his desktop, standing behind the structure, in front of his chair. "Do you mind if I work while we talk?" Lukas had pulled out the second Styrofoam box. Brian reached out to take the Styrofoam container that was his sandwich. As he sat down, he yanked open one bottom drawer bring out his bottled water.

Lukas had bought himself a diet root beer, like it'd work with the fattening hamburger he'd ordered. Well-done meat with all the fixings. "No. I don't mind. Will you be able to concentrate?" He chuckled, sitting back to use the second chair in Brian's office as his mini-table. "Is this okay?"

"Fine." Brian waved the worry away. "You'd be amazed, Lukas, what I can do all at once."

"Please... you can call me 'Luke'."

Brian opened his top drawer to drag out some colored markers. He ate his sandwich as he scribbled on the board's surface, like he was drawing something or coloring things in. "I heard about what you did. Michael told me. I, uh... wanted to personally 'thank you' for..."

Lukas shook his head to show Brian he didn't need to say one thing more. "No skin off my back." He popped a pickle in his mouth that slipped out, licking his fingertips of juice. "I'm getting pretty tired of this 'research', as well. I couldn't see Jamie... _sorry_ , Ben... backing down soon, unless I talked some sense into his frazzled mind."

Brian raised a lone eyebrow, chuckling. "Doesn't look like it helped much."

"No?" Lukas shrugged, grinning in a teasing manner. "Well, I can tell you... he's beginning to understand why he's really agreeable to the whole thing. And, you'd be surprised to learn that it has _nothing_ to do with patching things up between he and Michael."

At the mention of "Michael", Brian stopped working. His attention now focused on eating and talking with Lukas. "Good. I'm glad to hear that."

"Now... I'm just worried about his fixation on you." Lukas undid the screw top off his root beer bottle, letting it breathe and fizz before he spewed the brown liquid all over Brian's nice furniture and carpet.

"You don't have to be. It's not in any way reciprocated." Brian snagged a potato chip.

"I don't want either of you two hurt."

"Kind of you, but I can take care of myself. I'm tougher than I seem."

"I know. I think the next sentence out of your mouth will be to say Michael is the main reason why you do survive every obstacle."

"He's brought me to where I am now."

"Don't you feel like you've done a part of that process?"

"No, because my only motivation has always been to make Michael proud of me."

"He is. I don't think you have to worry about that."

"I'm not. Not _now_ , anyway."

"You were _before_?"

"Of course. I didn't know where I stood in his life. I knew where I was in his heart, but..." Brian shook his head, taking a few more bites of his sandwich. He brought over one of the story boards to draw on. "... I've only just learned it was always where I had started at, right from the beginning."

"I feel the same way about Jamie." Lukas rolled his eyes. "I mean... Ben."

Brian sniffed out a snicker. "Jesus, don't call him 'Ben' to make _me_ feel better. If it's comfortable to call him 'Jamie', do it. I don't care. I might like this 'Jamie' guy more anyway." He secretly smiled, teasing Lukas. "Does Ben know this?" He didn't know why he cared, but it was like he told Michael the other night. If he could have a simple chat with Lukas, he would know where Ben's head was in the scheme of things. It would surely make their night together go smoothly if Brian had a bit of an upper hand, like always.

"Yes." Lukas wiped his hands of hamburger bun seeds and white flour. He slid out of his jacket, setting it around the back of the chair he was in. He yanked up his shirt sleeves to his elbows. "We—we're, uh..." _How should he put this, out loud?_ "... steadily growing closer. Over the past few days, like with you and Michael. Jamie and I have talked like we should have years ago."

"Closer? As in 'sex'?" Brian furrowed his brow in intrigue, because Michael had been right to suspect the odd pairing of these two college best friends.

"I don't have many friends. Many male friends, I should say. Women aren't my style or forte. I like to flirt, but... I don't have the time to pussyfoot around anymore."

"Wow! What a way to walk around my question?" Brian snickered out as he picked up more chips.

Lukas wiped his mouth, taking a sip of soda. " _Christ..._ I'm only saying that because I don't really open up to people. In that warm familial, informal kind of way most do."

"Join the club, Neither do I. Michael's the only one I enjoy the company of. Everyone else I tolerate. Barely." Brian sat back in his chair, wondering what else he and Lukas had in common. He knew one thing... **he** didn't love Ben as much as this poor sap did. But Lukas was actually turning into a decent guy. Michael had been right, like usual. Brian could feel that know-it-all finger poking him in his ribs, but he never heard "I Told You So". Michael wouldn't ever rub it in _that_ far.

"Jamie and I have come close... but no. No sex. Well... intercourse. If that's what you were asking."

Brian paused, a bit shocked to be hearing this and able to digest the thought. "Ah... you've both held back strong. I suggest you give in soon. Or it'll slowly kill you."

"Has it ruined what you two have?" Lukas chewed slowly on his burger and bun.

Brian sat up, rolling his chair under his desk. "What do you mean?"

"Your friendship with Michael. Do you feel further from him... or just as close?"

Brian suddenly realized how similar he and Lukas truly were. "Closer than I've ever felt."

"Is it good?" Lukas cleared his throat, not really sure how to open up to a complete stranger like Brian Kinney. It actually wasn't turning out so bad or awful like he thought. "Well, what I'm asking is... if your sex life went sour... _not that it would, but if it did_... could you go back to being best friends?"

"I don't really know. I don't want to go back to the way we were. It was slow torture. What we have now is rocky, I'm not saying it's easy sailing. It could fail at any time, but--"

"You hated watching other men have him?"

"Which is terrible for me to think. I've had more men shuffled in and out of my bed than he's had in his whole entire social sexual life. And I'm more jealous of what they've had."

" **They** got what **you** wanted, Brian." Lukas shrugged his shoulders, munching on his steak fries now. He still had a little of his burger left. "It's natural."

"More than that... they hurt him like I've feared **I** would do one day. If we had done this sooner."

"Would you have? _Done this sooner had you known how good it could be?_ "

"I don't really want to think about that. I'm content where I am, and so is he."

"I don't know why I've suddenly acquired morals." Lukas snickered with Brian. "I'm the one pushing Jamie away because I know he's not prepared for what I'm ready to give him. I never--I just didn't think what I wanted or needed was somehow built within being with him. As much as I can."

"Before--?" Brian could hear the tail end of that sentence hang. He felt like he was missing the “point” of Lukas needing to back off from a relationship with Ben.

"Huh?" Lukas let his green eyes squint directly at Brian, wondering what he could mean.

"Your last sentence sounded like there was more there to say. **'** ** _As much as I can before..._** **'**." Brian rolled his wrist to show the space to fill the complete sentence.

"I did have something, but..." Lukas shook his head, fighting within himself to not say one more word. He didn't know how far he could trust Brian Kinney.

Brian understood Lukas being wary of him. "Don't worry. I won't squeal to Bruckner."

Lukas picked up his Styrofoam container to lay on his lap as he crossed left knee over right leg. He placed it on his lap to dig into the fries and the rest of his hamburger. "I actually wish you could. It would save me some of the aggravation of having to lop more bad news on top of everything else I've shared." He was curious to how Brian would handle things in this situation. "Tell me what you would do... if say, you were coming into the loft and Michael were waiting for you in the dark. He had been contemplating how to break things to you... _a distressing piece of news concerning his health_?"

Brian stopped with the second half of his sandwich stuffed in his mouth. "What are we imagining? What Ben has... or _something else_?"

"Let's use Jamie's status as starters."

"Uhm..." Brian looked down into his Styrofoam container and thought deeply. "... I'd probably want to kill the man who infected him, with my bare hands."

"That's beside the point... what would you do _for him_?"

"I don't know specifics, but I wouldn't leave him. I know that much." Brian blinked once, then twice... realizing how much he _had_ been thinking about that very scenario since Ben came into the picture. _What he would do if Michael became sick like Ben._ In front of Michael, he would rage and fight, but behind his back... he would certainly cower, stare and sob his heart out.

"It's why I can't abandon Jamie." Lukas could read on Brian's face that he had contemplated that moment quite often.

"Are you trying to tell me that you and Bruckner are... _**together**_?"

"I don't want you to suddenly grow chivalrous and think you have to let go of what you've begun with Michael."

"What the hell gave you the idea I would?" Brian snickered out, squinting his eyes.

"No reason. Just checking. Well, in case..." Lukas was flittering his hand about when he became slightly dizzy sitting down. “... maybe you take pity on Jamie...” He'd been having flashes of “episodes” like this the last couple of days. He put a hand over his eyes. "... and get all-- _I don't know what the fuck_..." He was a little nauseous, but it would pass, like always.

"Hey?” Brian sat up in his chair, ready to get up. "You okay?" Lukas had quickly gone pale through his tan skin.

"Peachy. My cancer meds kicking in." Lukas squinted his eyes from the windows of Brian's office. "Sun seems brighter today, huh?"

Brian got up to wander toward his windows to pull down the shades. He was momentarily caught unawares. Certainly not expecting to learn the man before him... _who looked healthy and handsome_... was sick with cancer. He was pulling on the strings to adjust to the low sunlight. He grew still as he walked up beside Lukas, staring down at the large body. "How long?"

Lukas kept his hand over his forehead, feeling a headache pulsate. "Awhile. I _am_ better. Cancer free. I guess it could be considered 'remission', but it's not how I thought having cancer would be like."

"You had an _image_?" Brian chuckled softly, hands in his trouser pockets.

"My mom... survived five years after being diagnosed with breast cancer, before it finally took over the rest of her body." Lukas leaned back to look up at Brian's wide, inquisitive hazel eyes. "I'm fine. You don't have to hover. Just kick your garbage pail over in case I feel like hurling."

Brian snickered, shaking his head at how confusing things were to him now. He did as Lukas asked, even though it was probably a lighthearted joke. "My Pop had cancer. Died last year." He walked back around to his chair, then sat down rather awkwardly. "His body was riddled with it. From one organ to the next, until it killed him."

"That's fucked." Lukas drank some soda, wetting his mouth and throat.

"He didn't even bother to go peacefully." Brian fixed his posture in the chair. "If you don't mind me asking..."

"Testicular." Lukas directly gazed Brian down, watching him nod and glance away.

"You're so young." Brian mumbled, shaking his head in true sadness.

"Cancer doesn't care." Lukas closed the lid on his food, pretty much done with his lunch. "You should start having a physical each year, since your Dad had it. They recommend every six months, depending on how severe the cancer was. I guess they'd call it the 'aggression' of the disease."

"Yeah, my mother took great pride in reading me the riot act, which went over well during his funeral."

"No matter how shitty they were... or still are... their DNA is in you."

"One more reason I can't shake them from my life." Brian got up to walk around his desk again, toward Lukas. "I, uh... tried to tell you before. I don't normally say this to people, especially strangers." He leaned back on his desk ledge, crossing his ankles. "I want to 'thank you' for what you did for Michael... with the video footage."

"It's okay to think I did it for you, too. I really did it for both of you. No one is more pissed about this ordeal than me. I keep telling Jamie to let it all go, change his topic. Start all over again, but he's determined with this... _weird attraction_ to you."

Brian rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. He tucked hands under his biceps, thumbs popping out at the arm pit. " _Lord..._ I really don't know what to say to explain what happened two years ago to make him feel this way about me."

"Don't worry. It's all Ben's emotional baggage, which I'm trying to handle on my end."

"So you're okay with this second interview? What may or may not happen?"

"Oh... _it_ _ **will**_ _happen_. There's no 'maybe'. I just--I wanted to be sure where your head was at in this."

"I'm trying to find out where Ben's head is at.” Brian found it ironic that both he and Lukas were doing much the same thing. “I'll do anything to protect Michael. Whatever I have to do to keep him by my side."

"You have no reason to seek revenge on Jamie?"

Brian sniffled out a snicker. "He's only managed to ruffle my feathers some, make me a little uncomfortable. He's caused me to rethink a lot about my life with Michael. What I should have been doing all this time, instead of wasting it." He rubbed a hand over his nape and kept it curved about his neck under his ear. "It's when he messes with Michael that it really gets me punchy."

"Understood."

"I have no interest in Ben or pushing Michael away. Right now, I'm afraid Michael is _beyond_ hurt. He's actually numb. Did Ben--?"

"--tell me about their talk at Red Cape yesterday?" Lukas smirked, shaking his head in awe. "Yes. I was very pleased."

"I couldn't stop laughing.” Brian sucked in a long breath, his gaze staring at the far wall. “I don't think Michael told me everything, 'cause he picked up on my laughter. He's--"

"What?"

"It's strange. We've been best friends since we were fourteen. I've always found his innocence and naiveté what makes him appealing to me. Makes me feel needed. But... we've only been close, sexually, for most of this week. It's startling to me how much Michael's grown up, right before my eyes. How much he's really changed. Becoming a 'man'. The real kind that I've never been able to find."

"Michael's changing because of you. For you."

"I suppose. I know it's always been in him to be this way. I just don't know why it hasn't come out before." Brian chuckled with Michael on his mind, an image captured in time. "I'm glad he saved his best moves for me."

"You really _that_ serious about him?"

"I'm not sure. I love him. More than I ever did before. I think about him more too... but I have a feeling that will wear off once we--" Brian started snickering when he saw Lukas' head shake in disagreement. "Oh... okay... _I want him in my life_... _**forever**_. I'm not sure I'm marriage-minded, though."

"None of us are. It's the way society has shaped us to want what those other people have. Who says we have to bow down to conventionalism and kiss its ass?"

"Not a fan of marriage either?" Brian then furrowed his brow, his mind confused. "I thought you were engaged before."

"I was roped into that one. I'm not certain where Jamie's heads at for permanence or future plans. I know I can't live my life without him anymore, in some capacity."

"Sounds like we both said the same thing."

"May I make a suggestion?"

"Go ahead."

"When you _do_ hit that moment, where you've come to realize how strongly you feel for Michael, sit down with him and talk about the one day in the future where you won't see him the next morning... or he won't see you the next morning..." 

"You talking about death... and dying?"

"You won't be young and beautiful forever, Brian."

"Michael will always think I am."

"Then never let him go. But, in the meantime, should one of you get sick or pass on unexpectedly... you should make certain one another is cared for."

"Speaking from experience?"

**~~TBC...**


	26. Chapter 26

 

"The man whom I was to marry... died in my arms. He was HIV Poz too... like Jamie." 

"I'm sorry." Brian legitimately felt saddened by Lukas' story.

"Why? You should feel more sorry for Danny. He knew how much I still loved Jamie. Even with his last breath, he was attempting to play matchmaker. He told me to think of him... dying like this. Alone or in someone else's arms. Asked me if that pissed me off or not. Never having the courage to find out if Jamie loved me the same or... if he even still cared about me."

"And?"

"Luckily Jamie never stopped." Lukas smiled secretly, nodding his head in contentment. He rubbed his chin in thought. "But he's still got this hang up about Michael. This odd protectiveness he has to show in order to prove himself right. That you are nothing but bad news to Michael's heart."

"Bruckner has no idea to what I'm really capable of."

" _Show him_. _Tell him_. By all means, make _him_ feel humbled at _your_ feet. He needs to know how far you'd go for Michael. How much you'd be willing to sacrifice."

"I already know what I'm doing. No worries."

"Brian, I was never worried. I wanted to meet you before this mess got awkward and went to shit."

"Like it hasn't been there once or twice?"

"Good point. We are having a pretty civil conversation." Lukas raised a lone dark eyebrow in curiosity. "I don't know many gay men who would respect and admire another gay man who might enter a 'threesome' with the man he loves."

"Luke... I..."

"No. Brian... really, it's fine. I've had some pretty extraordinary and crappy things happen in my life. This will fit in my Top Five, for sure..." Lukas and Brian shared a mild laugh. "... but it in no way disturbs or disgusts me. For the first time, _I can see all three points of view_. I'm almost saddened that I'll miss out on getting to watch what will eventually happen." Then he covered a hand over his face, wishing he hadn't spoken out loud. " _Christ!_ No. No, forget I said that. I don't really want to know. I just want Jamie to get this out of his system, to be sane and healthy... back in our bed."

“I promise you I'll be on my best behavior.” Brian gripped the ledge of his desk beside his hips. "I can't vouch for Michael, but I'll try to curb his venom." He shook his head at the thought of Michael growling and snarling at Ben yesterday at Red Cape.

Lukas was snickering, too. "Now _that_ would have been great to see caught on tape."

"I know. I love it when he gets all... _fierce and passionate_..." Brian smoothed a hand over his chest, adjusting his tie. "I only saw the aftermath. I've _never_ seen Bruckner look so... uhm, frightened and dejected at the same time."

"I thought I was the only one brave enough to put Jamie in his place."

Brian rubbed his hands over his face, running fingers through his hair. "Yeah... Michael is... _jesus_... he's... mind boggling."

Lukas could see this "glow" to Brian's hazel eyes, like he'd seen on camera. Up close and in person, it was mesmerizing. "Yes, he is, Brian. I wish you two nothing but the best."

"I would do the same for you, but I like _you_ more than _him_. I wish you someone who isn't such a stick-in-the-mud."

Lukas stood up, grabbing his jacket. He put his Styrofoam container and bottle of soda back in the bag. "I aim to change that... very soon."

"Well, for that reason... good luck to you."

“I'll leave you to your work.” Lukas stepped closer to Brian, watching him slide off his desk. “Looks like you've got some problems to solve.” He held out a hand to shake. "Thanks for making the time for me to come in and see you."

Brian couldn't help smiling as he took the offered hand. He really did like Lukas, more than he should. He wished Lukas could be part of the threesome, rather than Ben. Something about Lukas oozed an essence of life and strength... even though he was sick, himself. "No problem." Brian let the strong hand go, putting his arms behind his back to walk Lukas out. He didn't know if he should follow him all the way to the elevator or simply leave him somewhere along the way. "I, uh... actually enjoyed the company and the discussion."

Lukas grabbed the knob and opened the door. He would close it shut on his way out. "I meant what I said about you and Michael preparing for your future, when you're ready. Don't wait until the last minute."

Brian realized Lukas was cutting their meeting right at his office door, which was nice to not have to choose. "May I ask you a question? Feel free to ignore me if it's not something you want to tell me."

"Cool. Go ahead..." Lukas leaned back on the door, the sounds of the outer office infiltrating their talking now.

"After all that you went through, even though you love him... Ben--Jamie..." Brian grabbed the upper portion of his door and leaned. "... why did you come back after all that time? Knowing what you know, knowing what you have to face? In your own health too?"

Lukas stared ahead for a bit, almost making it seem like he wouldn't be answering. Then he blinked, swallowed with some difficulty. He turned his green eyes toward Brian, not breaking contact. "I made a decision one day that I deserved to finally find my own happiness. I've had success most people would die for. I've got money enough to make me comfortable. What I never did for myself was make time for _**me**_... make time for _an actual life_. Someone to wait for me when I got home. I _choose_ to be that person now. With Jamie. I love him more than I ever did, it never ends. It keeps growing and changing with every year. I'm tired of running away, making it look like I'm an adult when I'm really just... scared of trying. Also, I kind of see where Danny was when he asked me if I thought I could bear knowing someone else would take care of the man I love, if he got that sick. But then... I got selfish and thought... _what about me? What happens to me?_ Then I realized-- _I don't want to die in anyone else's arms, but his..._ " He reached out a hand to grab the back of Brian's neck, almost making it look as if they were about to kiss... but it was more like a "friendly" hold to build confidence. "Think about that, Brian... and see how you'd answer."

With that... Lukas was gone, winking and waving at Cynthia on his way out. He didn't look at anyone else on his trek toward the elevator. The man with a purpose in his life, with no qualms about whatever went on around him.

Brian stood at his door, just staring... his thoughts going directly to Michael.

Cynthia drew up to him, choosing to lean on the opposite side of the door. "Mind telling me who that Dreamboat really was?"

"Yes, I do." Brian really didn't want to tease or joke with Cynthia right now. He pushed off the door's casing. "Close the door for me. I need to get back to work." He moseyed on over to his desk, taking his chair. He tried not to appear like he was agitated or unsettled by what Lukas had told him. Certainly left him with way too much to think about.

For once, Cynthia didn't swear at her boss. She could see _something_ was waging a battle inside Brian's gorgeous head. The body moved, the hands worked, but the eyes seemed to be staring blankly at nothing in particular. "I'll call you when Vance comes around." She shut the door softly, knowing when it was better for her to keep her nose out of business that wasn't hers to mess with.

No matter what Brian wanted to do next, his _one thought_ was to call Michael. He would try to claim it was to tell him everything had gone fine with Lukas, but when Brian felt lost, like this, he needed Michael's voice to balance his mind. He'd rather have Michael in front of him, but the phone would do.

The logged-in cell phone number was answered in one ring.

Brian sat back, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What? Were you staring at your phone, waiting for me to call?" He leaned his head on his hand, placed on the arm rest.

"Hardly." Michael sniffed out a snicker. "Store hours. I set my cell to vibrate. I had it in my front pocket, right next to my--"

Brian poked a finger in his empty ear. " _LaLaLaLaLa_... I don't hear you... must... be... a bad... connection..." He waited for the giggle.

Michael giggled, shaking his head. "Awwww... you're no fun. Let's just say, I was greatly 'motivated' to answer your call."

Brian scratched at his scalp. "Aren't you always 'motivated'?" He crossed his ankles under his desk, staring at his socks.

"Jesus, I used to _not_ be, but ever since--" Michael simply paused in an awkward place.

"Ever since... _what_?"

"Uh... _nothing_." Michael cleared his throat. "My mind conjured up a very satisfying image of you, laying naked on my flooring. I think someone's in my store wearing your cologne."

Brian sat up straight, spinning to look out his window. He got up once he discovered his shades were still closed. _That_ must have piqued Cynthia's interest some. Drawn blinds... handsome stranger in Brian's office... with door closed. _Christ!_ "Cheap imitation." He pulled the shades up to let in the sunlight. He sat on the little window sill to look down on the city. "There's no one who shops at your store who can afford my tastes."

"Ha-Ha... such a snob. Although..." Michael's voice was drifting in and out, like he was walking around to get a better look at this "person" in his store. "... with the right lighting and mood music... he _could_ look like you. Maybe if I squinted my eyes..." To which it sounded like he was attempting that very thing. "... he's got your ass... _and_ he happens to be standing right where you were when you picked me up and I rode you like a--"

Brian let his head fall forward on the glass. " _ **ANYWAY**_... there's a reason why I called."

"There is? Well..." The "smile" in Michael's voice was undeniable. "... I'll try to pay attention."

"Michael..." Brian began fogging up the window and drawing things on the smooth surface.

"Brian..."

"I _could_ hang up on you."

"Fine by me. I've got enough here to distract me until closing." Michael was tapping on his teeth. "I wonder what the kid looks like in a black blindfold."

" _ **AS... I ... WAS SAYING**_... we have the big client meeting scheduled at 3pm. If they like what we offer, we sign, done deal. I'll be at the loft around 6pm. If they _don't_ bite, we'll be going back to the drawing board and I probably won't make it home until 7 or 8pm tonight."

Michael wiped at his forehead, making sure he heard correctly. "So... are you saying _not_ to hold dinner for you or to wait on your ass and waste away to nothing?"

Brian slid off the sill and wandered back to his desk, sitting on the corner and swinging his leg. "I am doing the kindness of calling to inform you of where I will be so you don't worry."

"Liar."

"Fine." Brian breathed out his nose.

"Don't... don't get huffy with me. You called _my_ cell. You wanted to hear _my_ voice, because _something_... or wait... is it... _someone?_... spooked you. Am I right?"

Brian furrowed his brow, crossed his free arm over his chest, locking it under his biceps. "How do you figure?"

"You never call me to tell me where you'll be to appease my 'worry'. You're not my husband and I'm, for god damn sure... not your wife."

Brian cleared his throat, figuring he better fess up soon or drive them both insane. "Lukas stopped by."

"Oh? And?"

Brian played with some items on his desk. He found that he had a picture cube, heavy like a paper weight, with pictures of him and Michael around the edges. He stared at each one for about five minutes a piece. "He said some things, I guess, I needed to hear." He stopped on one picture of them... goofing off, being young kids. His thumb rubbed over Michael's face.

"About Ben?"

"... _and you_... _and us_..." Brian set the picture cube down, looking at Michael's photographic image. Pictures only captured moments, not life. He found it difficult to talk while having Michael's voice in his ear, but only seeing a still framed shot of him with his eyes.

"Wow! Should I be jealous? How long was he there for?"

Brian rolled over his wrist. "Awhile." He squinted to look out at Pittsburgh's skyline in the distance. "You were right about him. He's a great guy."

"Uh-oh... I said 'good' guy. What did he do to advance himself to Kinney 'greatness'?"

"I'll tell you the rest when I see you tonight."

Michael sighed, his voice going soft. "Brian, you know I'm only teasing, right? If you need to talk to me... say whatever's on your mind."

"No. You were right before too. I _did_ need to hear your voice."

"Are you okay? Will you be fine for the meeting?"

"Yeah. Yes... I'm gonna be alright." Brian slid off his desk to sit back in his chair. This time spinning to face the wall behind him.

"Well... okay. Wish I had something more interesting to entertain you with, but so far... it's been a tame morning. If you don't count my brunch with Sunshine."

"Excuse me?" Brian could barely speak with shock lodged in his throat. "Wha--?"

"I'll tell you about it when I see you. So we'll both have stuff to talk about. Now... how's _this_ for random? I've gotten almost all of my clothes in your closets."

Brian wrinkled his brow in thought, crossing one leg over his knee. "Do we need more room?"

"No. You have plenty of space. I only realized that half my clothes date back to 1995 or close to college age. I think I might need your help to weed out the crap I should throw away."

"I love your clothes."

"Brian..." Michael's voice sounded strained.

"Okay... alright. I hear you. I have to let go of 'Mikey'."

"No. No. Not necessarily. I love it when you call me 'Mikey'... but I can't dress like him forever."

Brian sucked in his bottom lip, leaning his head back on the head rest. "Put _him_ on tonight. For me. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need _him_ when I get out of this office for the weekend."

"Brian..."

"Huh?"

"Go back to work."

"I'll try." Brian let out a heavy sigh.

"For me?"

"Anything." Brian closed his eyes, truly meaning the words. He hoped Michael knew that automatically.

"That's a very dangerous comment to make."

"I trust you."

"Ah! You... are killing me here." Michael patted his chest, as if his heart would beat out of him. "Good luck this afternoon."

"There isn't any... without you."

"Oh-kayyyyyy... buh-bye now..." Michael knew when Brian got this way it was time to hang up. End the conversation.

"Michael... be brave and behave."

"You... are scaring me."

Brian puffed out his bottom lip. "I don't mean to."

"You aren't scaring me away, mind you. You just--you sound like you're in deep thought and you want to tell me something but you--you can't. Or _won't_. For some reason."

"I know what you meant, and that was a perfect reading of me."

"Okay. How about I get those chicken and pasta dishes we like from Rollo's? Is that cool for dinner? They're great hot or cold. Better cold, if you ask me." Michael spoke the last sentence under his breath.

"Sounds great. I'll call you, if anything changes."

"No you won't."

"Michael..."

"Sorry. Lately, I just don't have a 'stopper' on the things I say in my head, coming out of my mouth. I think that's how Ma got this way... or maybe it's hereditary."

Brian didn't want to lose these kinds of precious minutes with Michael. "I love you."

"Huh?"

"You heard me."

"I know _what_ you said. I'm expecting sarcastic come backs... and instead you choose to romance me with love."

"Is it a crime?"

"It is when you've been withholding it for nearly two decades. I'm allowed to be suspect."

Brian's whole demeanor grew serious, suddenly. "I need my best friend."

"Why? What did 'Michael' do now?" Michael joked about himself, hoping Brian caught on.

"Hehe... you're cute."

"You're cuter... and you certainly fuck better than any guy I've ever been with."

Brian closed his eyes. "I have to hang up now."

"Brian... wait! Hold on!" Michael sounded a little frantic. "Are you really all right? I haven't screwed this up, huh?"

"Yes. I'm fine."

"I love you too. Don't _forget_ that. I'll see you when you get in."

"Yup. Okay."

"Bye."

"G'bye."

There was a very long pause, no one closing off the phone connection.

"Brian... you're not hanging up."

"Neither are you."

"I was waiting for you to leave first."

"I wanted you to leave to tell me to go."

"So... we'll hang up together..."

"Sure. Uh-huh."

"Ready?"

"Yeah."

There was nothing but bated silence as they both listened to one another breathing... then the meticulous way in which both of them began to chuckle at the same time.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

All the lights were turned low when Brian finally arrived back at the loft. He hadn't left the office directly. The three o'clock meeting with the new client had gone better than expected. They had taken a few of Vanguard's employees out for a celebratory meal and some social drinking. Of course, on _their_ dime.

The light above the stove was on and only one of the bedroom lamps was switched to dim. To anyone else's eyes it would appear as if no one was here, but Brian. But he knew differently. Michael wasn't visible, but he was _present_. The "feeling" of Michael was washing over Brian's body, like a warm rain shower, as he slid out of his coat, locking the steel door and setting the security codes.

Michael was _here_... laying in bed, most likely asleep. Brian threw his coat over the back of the couch, taking off his suit jacket. He loosened his tie and slid the material through his collar as he made his way toward the second doorway into the bedroom. By the time he climbed up the two steps, he had slipped off his shoes and unbuttoned a few holes in his shirt. Everything else was remaining on. The material of the tie was curled around one hand as he rolled up his sleeves to the bend of his elbows. Starting from the end of the mattress, Brian crawled toward Michael.

Michael was tucked under the mountain of comforter and blankets, buried under a spread out stack of comics that surrounded his hips and waist. They lined all the way up to his pillows, as if he'd fallen asleep reading them. Michael was laying on his left side, facing the empty side of the bed.

Brian shook his head, sniffling out a soft snicker. He began to stack the comics in a neat pile, so he could have room to situate his body closer to Michael. He made faces as he looked over each of the titles. They weren't well-known comics, nor were they Captain Astro. He wondered why Michael had taken them out of the store. Once he had a good amount of them in his grip, he reached over the tiny huddled body to place them on the night stand. Right now, Brian wanted to put his arms around Michael and sleep as peacefully as his favorite companion always did. He snuggled near the blanketed form, not taking any chances that his best friend was completely naked underneath.

Michael had his right arm up around the pillow, bare biceps exposed as he hugged the plushness to his face. Brian placed his head close enough to the pale skin to feel the radiating heat. He leaned forward and shut his lids. He simply needed to hear Michael breathe, the sound becoming very soothing to him over the years. Today... this moment... the subtle noise seemed almost life-affirming. What he had discussed with Lukas was stuck in his mind. He wasn't able to loosen the thought of what he'd do if Michael was sick. He scooted over, body aligning with Michael.

Michael's breathing tempo changed as his arm came down, falling between he and Brian's chests, laying on the mattress. Brian set his cheek on the vacant place on Michael's pillow. Now he was laying a mere two inches from Michael's features, inhaling his heady scent and essence. He removed his arm from around Michael's waist to take the limp hand in his and twine their arms. He held their joining to his body.

Michael began to blink dark lashes open, having felt Brian's warmth even before his body came near. Now the end-of-the-day smell was hitting his nostrils, drawing him toward the person laying next to him. "Did you eat?" Even through the blankets, his leg tried to tuck itself between Brian's thighs.

"Yeah, but... the meeting was a great success. Clients wanted to take a group of us out to dinner, to celebrate. On them."

Michael didn't lift his head, just his brown eyes toward hazel. "What time is it?"

"Uh... somewhere after 7:30pm. I left them about an hour into the meal. I gave some lame excuse about an emergency call from 'home'."

Michael tightened the arm that was hooked about Brian's forearm. “You could have stayed.” His dark head leaned toward the strong jaw on the pillow. "I didn't have much planned anyway. I actually thought about going back to the apartment, the later it got."

Brian reached up to sift through the dark locks at the back of Michael's head. "I'm glad you stayed." He was drawing Michael's covered body into his embrace.

"Your bed looked too inviting. I was more exhausted than I thought."

Brian nestled his face in Michael's neck and collar, hearing the old voice of his best friend as he woke up from a deep sleep. The deeper tones and hushed vocal chords made the conversation seem more private. "Rough day?" He kissed the pale brow, laying his cheek on the hairline.

"Loooong day." Michael brought his arms out from under the blankets to wrap around Brian's neck.

"Boring day?"

"Nah... just became tedious, at times."

"You were surrounded by shitty comics when I came in. Do we need an 'intervention'?"

Michael giggled, sending one hand down to smooth over Brian's chest, cupping the breast bone. "No. I'm safe. The negative inventory report worked all too well. The quality of thefted comics has sunk to a new low. I thought it would be easy to figure out. I wanted to design an ingenious display to crack down on the stealing, but that shit they were taking boggles my mind."

"You'll figure it out. It'll come to you when you least expect it."

"Soooo... you bagged another heavy client for Vanguard? Think Vance will take notice soon?"

"Michael... he just bought out Ryder. I'm not _that_ suicidal with my career that I'd put it in jeopardy."

"Those New York guys loved you. You'd be a fool not to consider their offers, if Vance can't ante up something better. You are the sole reason most of those clients even consider Vanguard Advertising."

Brian reached out to place a finger over Michael's lips, the tip hooking about the bottom one. He rubbed at the soft flesh. " _Ssshhh_... I'm not at the office anymore. No more 'work talk'."

“Just think about it.” Michael tightened his arms about Brian's torso. "I don't like knowing how easy it is for your bosses to take advantage of your talent and your successes. You should really consider opening your own business. I'm sure you'd make a killing over everyone else in Pittsburgh."

Brian chuckled deeply, his brow leaning on Michael's forehead. "Shit... those little 'talks' you've had with Ben and Justin...” His lone index finger traced down the pale cheek. “... they've really given you this 'boost' of courage."

Michael smirked over at Brian's questioning eyebrow lift. "Did you want to know how my brunch with Sunshine went?'

Brian nodded his head. "No." He and Michael shared a soft chuckle. "Maybe later." He squeezed Michael closer to him, sighing in contentment. "I only want to lay here in the dark with you."

"No funny business?"

"Nope... just two best friends... laying in bed..."

"... who happen to love one another and both feel hornier-than-ever for each other..." Michael finished the explanation of them for Brian.

"Michael..." Brian spoke the name on a long exhale of air.

"I'm sorry. I'll behave." Michael started to pull away, about to tuck his arms back under the covers. "I can completely hide myself under the blankets and go back to sleep." He smiled as Brian wouldn't let _him_ go, quite yet.

"Don't. Don't move."

"Why? What's wrong?" Michael pushed up off his torso, looking down on Brian's face. He reached out to smooth back the bangs, tucking the hair behind the shell of an ear.

**~~TBC...**


	27. Chapter 27

  
Brian rolled Michael over to lay on his back as he tugged down the comforter first. He noticed the ratty Captain Astro t-shirt Michael wore. He ran the back of his hand down the peeling, tattered iron-on transfer. "Lay down for me..." 

"Brian..." Michael tried to reach up and grab Brian's biceps or shoulder joints, but he let them fall away as he saw the way Brian's eyes were gazing intently at what he was wearing. Certainly not "hot, sexiness", but he had requested "Mikey" be home when he arrived.

"Just... listen to me and keep quiet..."

Michael simply brought up a hand to soothe down the side of Brian's face, watching the head lean into his touch. "Yes... all right."

Brian pulled the rest of the linens down to expose the lower limbs encased in the usual accompanying thick fleece sweat pants. His hands were trailing down Michael's rib cage, drawing up the hem of the t-shirt. "... Mikey..." He dipped low to press his face, then his lips to the bared skin.

" _Jesus_ , Brian... what--?" Michael combed his fingers through Brian's hair, trying to grasp the head to make it look up at him. To see what was in the eyes and face.

Brian lay on top of Michael's form, taking over the role of "blanket" on Michael's body. Their faces were level. " _Ssshhh..._ " He used his nose tip to silence Michael, then drew on the flushed skin with his lips. "I need you... but not the way you think. Just kiss me."

Michael whimpered, his cock growing hard by the sound of Brian's begging alone. He opened his mouth and kissed Brian's lips as harshly as he could to show how much emotion was in him to give, when Brian was ready. He reached out with both hands to conform the palms about Brian's face. "I love you..." He wanted to say so much more, but the way Brian's body simply sunk into his, the lips drowning in his touch... he knew Brian was in control in this round.

"... hold me..." Brian let his head rest on Michael's upper chest, his arms tight about the small frame.

" _Please..._ " One of Michael's hands slinked up to tug at the back of Brian's head, massaging the scalp. "... sweetie, tell me what's going on?" He wasn't really scared or frightened, just amazed how hornier they both were for one another, but couldn't even gather the courage to feast on each other. It was more important to simply be in their arms and held safe, close.

"Later... just... don't let me go..."

"Never." Michael sank low in the bed, reaching down to draw up comforter and sheets over them both.

Much, much later they would undress in the darkness after napping a little, catching up on needed sleep. They'd possibly have another round or two of sex. And it would be intense... both knowing and neither talking about what was on the other's mind. They had the weekend and their whole lives to discuss what was between them.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben had called Brian and Michael later on in the evening, on Friday night. The rest of the second portion of the interview would take place the next night, Saturday. Ben had stupidly said he was "Ready. Whenever". Brian took it to heart and said, "So, it's Saturday night, then?". Ben didn't have the balls to reject the offer and look foolish... so he took it.

Though each man had their separate worries, they were glad to finally be facing this moment, knowing once it was over they could all move on in their lives.

Brian recommended to Ben that he not eat before he came over. Ben could only assume a nice "meal before the firing squad" was being prepared for him. He couldn't actually fathom Brian or Michael spending time slaving over a hot stove or oven just for him. Most likely the food would be catered, ordered in from one of their favorite restaurants. Or, if they did attempt to cook him a supper, it might end up laced with some mind-altering potion. Something seedy and dark, unlike the usual Love Potion #9.

Ben chuckled in the air, not realizing how loud he'd been, thinking in his head at such idiocy. He caught sight of Lukas glancing at him over his shoulder, seated on the couch. His feet were crossed on the coffee table. He was sticking to watch some nature program on a cable network. Something boring to distract Lukas from thinking where Ben was headed.

"Sorry." Ben cleared his throat, throwing more notebooks into his satchel. "I didn't mean to break your concentration."

Lukas put his feet down, sitting up. He reached for the remote to "mute" the television. He slapped his palms over his knees as he got up from his position. "You didn't. I don't really need to know much else about the Papae Guonea Islands... unless I plan on moving there in the next six months." He slipped between the couch and coffee table to come out around the piece of furniture toward Ben. "Which I don't, by the way."

Ben was in the midst of packing his satchel, with his old notes and typed paper. He made sure his voice recorder had battery power and an extra set of batteries in the pockets. "I feel like I'm forgetting something." He stood up to pat his jeans, both front and back side.

Lukas crossed arms over his chest, leaning on the table behind the couch. "You _do_ know... you _can_ choose _not_ to do this. Neither Brian nor Michael will hate you for it."

"Uh, yeah... because they already do." Ben tilted his head. "Thanks, Luke." He pushed away from the table to head into the kitchen. He wanted to grab a bottle of water.

"No. I'm serious. I know so little about Michael and even less concerning Brian." Lukas yelled for awhile, but decided to follow Ben into the kitchen. "But what I have been able to see... _what you can't see, for yourself_... is how great they are. How they bring out the best in each other. No matter what you assume they _think_ of you... you've taken away their fears. You allowed them to rediscover one another." He situated himself to climb onto a counter top, watching Ben move to lean back on a counter ledge. "They know they owe you a bit of 'thankfulness' for pushing them together. They may not have liked your methods, but it's happened... _get over it_. Deal with the consequences. It's apparently where they want to be."

"Why couldn't I have known this before... and simply let Michael go?"

Lukas shrugged his shoulders. "You've loved learning since I've known you. Curious about anything you touch. It's what makes you such a great teacher."

Ben pushed off from his side of the kitchen, heading toward Lukas. He grabbed the portion of the counter beside Lukas' knees. "I'd really like to know about your conversation with Brian yesterday." He leaned toward Lukas' smirking lips.

"Nope." Lukas reached out to mess with Ben's button-down shirt, playing with the buttons. "Sorry. I get to keep that to myself."

"Why?" Ben dipped his head, falling toward Lukas' ear.

"Because..." Lukas moved his hands to shape Ben's shoulder joints. "... you're tense enough already." He let his hands roam along the spaces between the huge shoulder blades. "Jamie... you need to relax." He spun him around in his arms, massaging some hard, tight muscles. "I can almost promise you you're not walking into your own homicide."

Ben lowered his head, one hand moving to pinch the middle of his brow. "I suddenly see this as cheating on you. I don't know if this is a good way to start whatever's between us. We haven't officially talked about what we are to one another. I hate to screw this up."

Lukas grabbed Ben's arms, squeezing and soothing down his biceps and forearms, pulling him to his chest. _God..._ he smelled fabulous. His nose brushed the back of the shaved hairline. "Leave it all in my hands. I know what I want to be. Who I am for you."

" _Who?_ " Ben let out a soft chuckle, glancing over his shoulder.

"Not yet. You're not ready to hear me." Lukas opened his legs, letting Ben fall backward, one arm locking about the strong torso. He let the other hand roam down toward the bulge in Ben's jeans.

"Yes... I am..." Ben wished he could cancel out on the plans and stay here with Lukas. "Tell me." He latched onto the one arm across his chest.

"No... I wanna do _something else_ for you..." Lukas trailed his hand up to undo the button and zipper of the soft denim. "This won't take long."

"Luke..." Ben moved to let Lukas jump off the counter. He watched as the deft hands pulled down both his jeans and underwear. A gentle, warm hand engulfing his mildly hard erection. He knew what Lukas' next moves would be. "Baby, don't..." He nudged his head with Lukas' blond curls.

Lukas chuckled deeply, stroking the length as he spoke. "I'm 'fluffing' you for your next big scene."

"I don't want a blowjob from you."

"Ah... but your body tells me you _need_ one." Lukas slid his hands to reach around and grab the perfectly round ass cheeks. " _Christ..._ even your ass is tense." He took bites at the bare abdomen. His green eyes glared up at Ben. "Jamie, you'll be fine."

"Stop encouraging me to enjoy a somewhat unplanned threesome." Ben relaxed back against the counter edge, letting his body freely find pleasure with Lukas' mouth. " _Oh... God... I wish you were a part of this..._ " He closed his eyes, a hand reaching down to filter through the mass of blond locks at his groin.

“I know where you want me, but I like where I am.” Lukas kept his hands on Ben's hips, looking up under his lashes. "After the night is over... _and you are or you aren't satisfied with what you've learned_... I get to have you for the rest of my life. In our bed... and in my heart. I like knowing that."

Ben caressed Lukas' face, finding the features more dear to him than most he'd come to love. " _Fuck!_... me too..." He thrust once and twice into Lukas' hand. "Condoms are in my left pocket."

"I won't deplete your stash, will I?" Lukas stood, facing Ben's hunched, half naked form. He shut him up from answering by a hard, lingering kiss. He found one packet. "You get _one night_ with them, Jamie..." He broke open the rubber, rolling the domed end over Ben's rigid length. "... don't even tell me you've figured one condom to be enough." He snickered at Ben's slow shake of his head. "If you need any 'pointers', I can rattle off a list of suggestions."

"No... save those... for us." Ben's hand clamped down on Lukas' shoulder, somewhat for balance.

"Oh?" Lukas raised a dark blond eyebrow in curiosity, with some humor. “When are we scheduling our threesome?”

"... _asshole_..." Ben grumbled at how horny Lukas had gotten him, out of control almost.

Lukas leaned his brow on Ben's temple, stroking and jerking to a certain rhythm. "Don't reject the idea, Jamie... keep it in mind."

"You _liked_ Brian... more than you thought you would."

Lukas shrugged one shoulder, in nonchalance. "He isn't my type of flesh. I like... _specific_ men, like you... Danny. And I can get off on fantasies, but I'd never act on them. You, and what we have, are more important to me."

"What does that _make_ me?"

"Smarter. Possibly braver. I'll always wonder, but you'll know for certain." Lukas finally bent to his knees one last time. He didn't have to suck Ben for too long before he was ejaculating into the condom tip, his body spasming around Lukas' frame.

Ben weakly leaned backward on the counter, his satiation point reached to such a climactic moment. He loved the way Lukas kept touching him, even after having an orgasm. As if there was more hidden in his body somewhere. He let Lukas press against him, hoping he was helping somehow, settling more than his nerves.

"How do you feel now?" Lukas was soothing one hand over Ben's expansive back.

Ben kept his face in Lukas' neck. "I think I'm beginning to see, clearly, where I really want to be." He reached between their bodies to pull off the condom, tieing the end to keep the semen inside. His cock was way-too sensitive as Lukas tried to put him back to the way he was. Even tucking his shirt into the waistline of the jeans.

"I hope I'm in there... _somewhere_." As Lukas redressed Ben, he could sense the nervous tension seep from the quaking body.

"You _are_..." Ben nudged his nose with Lukas' cheek, requesting his lips. One arm came around Lukas' neck to encircle him to his chest. " _... god... I love you..._ "

Lukas broke from the kiss to trail his mouth up the side of Ben's face to his ear. " _... love you, too..._ " He held Ben, almost feeling his own body react to having watched and wanted so much more. "Take my truck." His arms tightened about Ben's frame. "I wanna know you're safe."

"I can take a taxi."

"Jamie..." Lukas drew away, looking at Ben's sharp blue eyes. "... I'm _in_ for the night." He gestured with the use of his head. "Keys are on the table." He rubbed Ben's hips and bottom.

Ben brought up his hand to cup Lukas' jaw. "Will you be awake when I get back?"

"I'll be in bed." Lukas lifted one side of his mouth. “Is that enough?”

" _Shit..._ I may need you..." Ben snaked his hand down and around Lukas' body, pulling him flush with his chest.

"Then wake me, I'll take care of you."

Ben could feel Lukas' own hardness against his thigh. "As I will... for you."

"Have fun." Lukas raised both eyebrows.

Ben simply dragged Lukas into his embrace and didn't let him go for almost a full five minutes. Lukas understood, not minding at all. He held tight to Ben's body, hands soothing and rubbing over the shirt, gripping the material every now and then.

Neither wanted to be the one to release first, but someone had to and did.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben rang the downstairs buzzer to be let into Brian's building. He felt a little calmer, but grew apprehensive again when he heard the return buzz that would unlock the front door. Once inside, he could have taken the stairs, but he knew the elevator would give him a few extra minutes to relax.

The moment he opened the series of gates and re-shut them, Ben could see the steel door was left open for him. He heard the reverberations of music through the loft's interior. Apparently, someone was stuck in the 1980s. He could decipher Michael's energetic dialogue and laughter as he attempted to remind Brian of where they had been and what they had been doing when the song came out in their shared past.

Ben raised his hand to knock, but didn't think anyone would have heard him. He simply slid open the door, standing on the threshold.

" _Mikey! You're 'little friend' is here!_ " Brian's voice bellowed above the drone of electronic keyboards playing in the background. “ _Time to cum... out and play!_ ” He spoke as if he had something stuck in between his lips.

Ben couldn't see Brian because one of the floor-to-ceiling posts was in his way. As he strolled in, shutting the steel paneling behind him... he realized Brian was in the middle of repairing something in his lap. An electronic screwdriver in one hand and two screws were pinched in his mouth. Ben was immediately shocked at how different the loft appeared, but that it didn't drown out Brian's avant-garde style. One portion of the loft, near the entertainment center, was crowded with stacks of boxes. Seemed like Michael was moving in a piece at a time.

" _Hey, Ben!_ " Michael moved the glass slats to wave. " _Be out in a minute!_ " He closed them and went back to finishing what he was in the middle of. " _Can you turn down the stereo, Brian?!_ "

Brian sagged his shoulders, sighing heavily. " _You had the remote last! You turned it up!_ " He went back to fixing the item in his hands.

" _I'm busy!_ " Michael coughed out loud. " _I left the remote on the coffee table!_ "

"I'll get it." Ben exclaimed as he took off the satchel strap from around his chest. He was moving toward the chair he'd sat in a week ago, setting his bag nearby. He looked to recognize one of the beat-up recliners Michael had salvaged, sitting amongst the pricey furniture. It was a serious eyesore, but Ben couldn't help noticing it looked as if most of Brian's "things" were covering its fabric. Like he'd been using the chair since it arrived. Ben found the stereo's remote, turning down the volume to a tolerable level. He turned to take off his jacket, walking toward Brian. He wondered if either of them needed his help or his brawn.

Brian had traded the two screws for a marijuana joint. He was placing whatever was in his hand on the breakfast nook counter. When he saw Ben approach, he offered the rest of the pot to smoke. "Take it. You'll need it. Michael's in a strange mood. Mostly nostalgic. He might get emotional too. Just a warning."

Ben took the joint, staring at the rolled paper. He was wondering the last time he'd done _this_. He didn't have many friends he just "chilled" out with, not even in college. Lukas had simply been a fluke, a pleasurable mishap. But they had been mostly separate than together, each in their own world. "May I ask why?"

"He had a few puffs, while I wasn't looking. It's a 'thing' he goes through when he tokes on a bud. I'd blame myself... but he's old enough to know better. My weed is good weed." Brian used the screwdriver to close up the object. He sat it upright, beginning to plug the cord into an electrical outlet, then the phone jack.

Ben recognized Captain Astro standing on a gray rock, in his usual "in flight" pose. The phone extension was part of the space rocket on the superhero's side.

Brian reached over to pick up his cell phone to dial his own home phone number. He waited a beat to hear the "ring" on his cell, then stared at The Captain. There was a five second delay before the sound of " _ **UP... UP... AND AWAY!**_ " was heard. Must have been the ringtone set for the collectible Captain Astro telephone. Brian situated the phone to face Ben, inching it closer... tempting him to answer The Captain's line. He was gesturing for Ben to pick up as he remained on his cell phone.

Ben chuckled softly, shaking his head as he picked up the heavy plastic extension. It felt like lead weight. He didn't even acknowledge Brian with a "hello". He put the joint between his lips, like a cigarette.

Brian's gaze zeroed on Ben, looking directly at him. His hazel eyes trailing up and down. "You look pale." He spoke into his cell phone. "Do I need to feed you soon?"

Ben wasn't moving his eyes from Brian's, especially the way _mischief_ danced on the eyebrows. "No. I'm good." He took his other hand and sucked on the end of the joint. He placed it back down on Brian's ashtray.

“Yes... you're so right.” Brian bit his bottom lip, his gaze drawing down Ben's waist and bulge in his jeans. "Plug your ear."

Ben had seen Brian's "look", not sure he understood what Brian was asking. "Sorry?"

Brian reached up for Ben's hand to point the index finger out, showing him how to "plug" his ear. Brian spun the stool around, covering his own bare ear. He bent low to whisper through the connection. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes." Ben sniffled out a snicker, he never knew Brian could be this childlike, playful. As the lean frame spun back around to face him, he did his own "once over" of how Brian looked. He was barefoot, like normal. He wore jeans, faded in the right areas with frayed ankles. He had on a tank-t, with a short-sleeved, button-down shirt thrown over, as if being used for warmth. It looked like a car mechanic's uniform shirt. Over the right breast, above the pocket was stitched the name "Kinney" on a patch of some sort. Like this had once belonged to Brian's father. The mahogany hair wasn't styled like usual, just the bangs sliding over Brian's forehead and eyes. There was even a slight stubble covering his cheeks and jaw. It was Saturday... this must be Brian's " _casual, I'm out of the office_ " look. Strange... to find this more sexy than the way he would've dressed for clubbing.

Brian smirked, his eyes alight with a tease. " _Michael! I 'win' again! I fixed your Crappy Astro phone!_ " He waited for Michael to absorb his words.

Michael opened the slats, brown eyes wide, voice hinged with pleased shock. "You... you got it to actually work?"

"You got your cell? I'll have Ben call you?" Brian pointed toward Ben who still, oddly, held the heavy extension in his grasp.

"I thought it was broken? Even the repair shop said it was a lost cause!" Michael nearly sounded like he was gonna cry.

"Well..." Brian slapped his thighs in mock glee. "... I un-broked it!"

"You are... THE BEST!"

Brian caught the "compliment" as if it was an arrow to his heart. "I know." He swung around to face Ben. He relieved Ben of the weighty extension. He was about ready to say something when Michael interrupted him.

" _Do you mind if I take this drawer, when I'm done cleaning it out of all this shit you won't need?!_ " Michael waved his hand around to display the "shit" he was talking about.

Brian swiveled to face Michael. "What 'shit' won't I need?"

Michael bent down to reach into the open drawer and pulled out what looked like a four-headed dildo. It had a base, mushrooming out into these four limp multi-length penises. "Like this?! Hey... it's 'CLASH OF THE TITANS'..." He put it above his head and acted like the evil sorceress, Medusa, with the snake-like hair who turned men to stone with just one "look".

Brian leaned back on the counter, his shirt opening more over his chest. He leaned his elbows on the cold marble surface. "See what I mean, Ben?" He rubbed his chin, softly chuckling as he watched Michael. "He's not quite right when he's high. Be glad you ditched him when you did." He wasn't looking at Ben as he talked, he stared at Michael intently watchful of the hilarious, crazy antics.

"Where did you get this, Brian?" Michael looked the dildo over in fascination, wondering if it was usable in his lifetime. He didn't know if he knew four people he'd want to be with to partake of its awkwardness.

"Why? You want your own? You can have that one."

"I don't want it." Michael made a face as if he'd smelled something bad, but he kept playing with the four penises, making them bounce up-n-down.

"It's not a toy, Michael. You could poke an eye out." Brian reached around to snag the joint. "Put all that in a box. I'll look them over later." He turned the stool around to drag over the next item to repair of Michael's.

Michael had apparently lined up a "pet project" for Brian to sink into, while Michael unpacked his boxes and cleaned Brian's old "shit" out to make room.

Ben leaned his hip on the wall of the low breakfast nook counter. One stool separated him from being close to Brian. "You two are _really_ doing this?"

Brian had stuck the joint between his lips, looking his next piece of broken trash over. "What?"

"Living together?"

"Uh... yeah..." Was it not plainly obvious?

"I always had some idea you'd have this aversion to anyone, even Michael, moving in on your turf."

“Emmett's at Michael's apartment.” Brian stared ahead, blankly, before he went back to messing with the mechanisms. "I don't need an audience, despite what some folks think." He made it a point to stress his voice on the last few words.

Ben scratched at his hairline. "You're right. I forgot about Em."

"So... how did you want to do _this_?" Brian wasn't even looking at Ben while he worked.

"What's it gonna take to get dinner ready?" Ben glanced over at the dimly lit dining room table. Where usually the surface was empty and bare, now it was littered with Michael's mix-matched plate settings. They certainly gave rich character to the swanky steel and glass table. It was amazing how easily Ben was finding Brian incorporating Michael's belongings into his bachelor style and life.

"Taking it out of the fridge... and putting it on plates..." Brian spoke slow enough so Ben could understand him. He toked on the joint, placing it back on the ashtray. He inhaled a good puff, letting little smoke clouds come out of his nostrils. It was as if he'd trained himself to think of new and experimental ways to reach his high off the weed he rolled.

"Oh, well... then... I was thinking we could start the interview during the meal. Sort of ease into the situation." Ben let his hand trace Brian's keys and wallet on the counter.

"Sounds good." Brian spun back around to face the open slats. " _Michael?! Pliers?!_ "

Michael popped his head up through the windows. He had something strange and made of black leather twisted around his neck. " _I think I have them! On the bed somewhere!_ "

Brian wrinkled his brow in bewilderment. " _Why?!_ "

Michael bit his lips. " _Don't ask!_ "

Brian rolled his eyes. " _Jesus Christ!_ " He made an exasperated sigh, making it seem like there was a long walk involved in reaching the bedroom. He got off the stool, hitching up his sinking jeans, trudging on over.

Michael met him halfway, stopping Brian from entering his own bedroom. "Hi, han'some." He winked, handing over the pliers with a long kiss to open lips. He backed away, caressing Brian's chest and face. "Thank you for fixing my phone." His brown eyes were alight with affection.

Brian swallowed a bit, staring into Michael's brown gaze. "Yeah... the I.O.U. is up to $200."

"Am I allowed to trade in with sexual favors?" Michael tugged on the leather-strappy thing he looped around his neck. He kept tripping over it on the floor as he was cleaning.

"Depends." Hazel eyes trailed over the leather Michael had on. He flicked his fingers on the straps. "What... did you find now?"

"You don't recognize it? It was in your leather sex toy drawer." 

" _I had a leather sex toy drawer?_ " Brian was dumbfounded to learn this. He could hear Ben chuckling behind him.

 

**~~TBC...**


	28. Chapter 28

 

"And..." Michael looked down at the leather-strappy thing around his neck. "... a harness... or a sex sling. Which is what I think it is... _maybe_ ." He furrowed his brow in wild wonder. "You need to tell Joan and Claire to stop giving you surprise birthday gifts." 

Brian tweaked one of Michael's nipples through the heavy sweatshirt.

"Ow!"

"What did I tell you? Behave..." Brian spoke in a low, parental tone.

Michael sent a hand up his sweatshirt, from the bottom hem, to rub on his sensitive nipple. "I am." He had no idea he was flashing both Brian and Ben his bare midriff and tight abs. "It was funny, I thought... not rude or nasty." He dropped his hand, putting it on his hip, like his mother.

"Maybe it was your tone of voice." Brian made himself sound in a very loose monotoned voice. Like a National Public Radio announcer.

Michael pushed at Brian's chest, sending him backward off one step. "Grow a pair, Kinney!" He unwrapped the leather-strappy thing from around his neck, moving Brian out of his path. "I'm thirsty. Did you want something, Ben?" He raised slightly tired brown eyes toward their guest for the evening.

"Glass of ice. I've got my water bottle with me." Ben was already moving to get it out of his bag.

"Coming right up." Michael "lassoed" Brian's head in the leather-strappy thing. "Maybe your memory will return if you stare at it long enough." He walked off toward the kitchen.

Brian turned to face Michael. "I'm sure it actually came with instructions." He wrinkled his brow in thought. "Or a picture to show what it looks like on." He stared at the leather straps as he wandered back to his stool, prepared to continue working on his next repair project. He set the pliers down on the counter top.

Michael took care of the glass of ice first, handing it over to Ben. "Here."

"Thanks." Ben took the glass, opening his water bottle and pouring.

Michael was looking at the leather-strappy thing around Brian's neck. "Maybe I should try putting it on?"

Both Ben and Brian stood still, one raunchy image after another passing through their lustful brains.

Brian shook his head. "No. It'll hit me in the next few minutes."

Michael sighed, like a dejected child. "I'll put it on over my clothes, Brian."

"I don't care. You're _not_ trying this on, until I know how to get it off you. More importantly, where the hell it goes."

"Let me take a look." Ben had no idea why he offered. He moved to snag the straps off Brian's neck when Brian's own hand came up, brushing against his skin. He felt Brian's fingers linger, then caught the momentary flicker of bashfulness in hazel eyes. _What? The Fuck? Had Brian just flirted with him?_ Ben paused, shaking his head clear of dirty thoughts. Would certainly make for an interesting evening, if for one night... Brian actually found himself sexually attracted to him. Even in Michael's presence.

Michael had seen the exchange, closing his eyes in self-imposed misery. Only because that moment looked so convincing. Only he knew Brian was "playing" his part, the role of submissive bottom. He sighed, walking over to the fridge to pull out two beers. He uncapped them both. As he wandered around the counter, he set one beside Brian on his way back to the bedroom. He even pushed the foggy glass slats to their closed position. It was to block out the view of Brian hitting on Ben, Ben accepting and reviewing the flirting. It was bad enough knowing that would be the point of the whole night. Michael didn't have to actually watch some of it happen, but he was interested in how gorgeous they would look together.

Ben figured the leather contraption out, once he untangled the straps. "I think I have it. Michael had it upside down." He let it dangle from his left hand.

Brian glanced over his shoulder, blinking slowly. "Ah. Now I know where it's from." He took a swig of his beer. "If you like it, you can have it. I have no use for something like that."

Ben looked over, frowning. He was never _this_ kinky for sex. "Do you want me to show Michael how it really works?" He spoke low in case Michael was listening in.

Brian closed his eyes, head forward on the counter on his forearm. "No. Please don't. He doesn't need anymore ideas for sex." His voice sounded as if he feared what Michael might come up with next for their bedroom sex-capades. "Throw it in the garbage." He spun the stool around, looking at Ben. "Unless..." He set the pliers down. "... you feel like modeling it tonight? For us?"

Ben peeked between Brian's flirty looks and the leather strapped contraption. "The codpiece is... too small..." He quickly found a nice place to stash the object.

Brian chuckled loudly. "Yeah... sure... oh-kay..."

Ben joined in with the laughter, discovering he liked the sound. Brian's laugh wasn't tinged with sarcasm or snark. Just a light banter teasing. Ben decided to take the empty stool next to Brian. As he fit himself on the padding, his knees brushed Brian's hip and outside thigh. When he sat down, he reached a hand out to rub the back over Brian's face. He watched the eyes close... wondering if the reaction was for disgust or ecstasy. He felt the quick response of Brian pushing his cheek into the caress. _That_ was when he knew Brian had worked his body into being horny for him.

The marijuana had probably helped loosen Brian's tolerance levels, dropping walls normally raised.

Brian let his left hand fall, laying on Ben's lap. He slid his fingers up the inner thighs. He turned in the stool, his knee fitting between Ben's knee caps. He shuffled along the counter, head bent, mouth poised over the strong jaw. He moved toward the ear. "It's all coming back to me."

"What?" Ben closed his eyes, never knowing how incredibly warm Brian's body was. He felt compelled to sink into him.

"That night..." Brian was drawing his lips along Ben's cheek, heading toward the open mouth. “... we spent together.”

"Two years ago, Brian. You didn't even know my name."

Brian's hand reached to cup Ben's groin, lips mere inches from wet lips. "But I always remember... a great fuck."

"I'm touched. That gets me nowhere."

Brian slid off the stool, causing Ben to have to open his legs wider. He rubbed the hard crotch. "Wrong. It gets you hard for me." He nudged his head with Ben's face. "You can't forget me, because it was a time before you got sick." Ben was drawing his hands up to Brian's shoulders to push him away. Brian was literally, and figuratively, getting too close for comfort. "When you could still have the kind of risky anonymous fucks you liked. You hate the fact **I** was as promiscuous as you... but _you_ got sick..."

Ben's hands moved to clutch at Brian's biceps, fighting to pull him closer or hold him back. "I'm not pissed because you're healthy."

"I told you..." Brian traced lips up along Ben's cheek to his high forehead. His skin rubbing against fevered flesh. "... I'm recalling _everything_ about that night... because you asked me... _begged_ me to bareback with you."

Ben swallowed the lump lodged in his throat, realizing he had done exactly that. He and Brian had done almost everything but that. "But... you wouldn't back down."

"Did you let _him_... fuck you bareback?" Brian was the one who drew away slightly, keeping his body aligned with Ben. He could almost recall those same sexual attractions he'd had for Ben two years ago.

Ben knew who Brian was asking about. "Yes... he..." His voice warbled in startling understanding.

"... _fed you lies to get his cock up your ass_ , Benjamin..." Brian "tsked-tsked" as he reached up to cup Ben under his chin, letting his hands lock about the thick neck.

"Yes..." Ben's hands sloped about Brian's back, fingers trailing down the spine. He leaned his forehead weakly on Brian's jaw.

"That was your first time without a condom, huh?" Brian petted his fingers through Ben's hair, his voice soothing and calm. His fingers never stopped moving.

"Yes..." Ben let his hands fall to Brian's waist, sinking into the sweet embrace.

Brian was genuinely saddened. He had often felt he could have saved Michael some heartache and pain if he'd been Michael's _first and only_. Now... he had the burden of considering had he accepted Ben's offer, Ben might not have gotten sick. _Would Ben have still found Michael, two years later?_ Odd thought. "I'm sorry."

Ben let his head fall onto Brian's shoulder, in the curve of neck and collar. He hadn't even known how comforting Brian Kinney's arms could feel. " _Jesus..._ don't..." The backs of his hands reached up to brush over Brian's stomach, wanting to pull naked skin close. He was now remembering the sexual burn he'd had for Brian two years ago.

"This... explains a lot." Brian situated himself to keeping one arm around Ben's neck, as if hugging him to his side like he would Michael. He rested back on the counter, nearly sitting on Ben's left thigh. "Your first time barebacking would have been _with me_... and **I** would have kept you safe." He let his fingers trail down Ben's collar into the shirt over bare flesh.

Ben could feel the muscles squeezing in Brian's bottom and the tight thighs. He wasn't wearing any underwear and it got Ben horny. But for some unknown reason he wanted to ease Brian's worry, the possible guilt he could be, momentarily, heaping onto his shoulders. "I didn't get sick on purpose. It was..." He lifted his head slowly, his blue eyes heady, watching Brian's lips. He wanted to taste them. His hands moved to cup Brian's backside, turning the whipcord frame to fit between his thighs. "... Paul was someone in my life even before I saw you at the White Party. He was like you and I, but more of a risk taker. I _wanted_ him." He bit his bottom lip, blue eyes now moving to warm hazel ones peering down at him. He could almost "see" what Michael saw in Brian... the "heart". "When I returned to Pittsburgh, after our long night together..." His palms soothed over the denim covered cheeks, pushing them and squeezing them. "... Paul was impressed and interested in me. He began to want me as much as I had been wanting him."

"So you duplicated our night with him?"

"He begged me to--to show how far I'd go with him. Only difference being... we barebacked." Ben whimpered as he felt Brian's slide his hand down his chest, toward his growing erection. "He promised to pull out, but he--"

"Ssshhh..." Brian huddled his body close, giving and seeking comfort from Ben's arms. "... now it all makes a bit more sense to me."

“I know I shouldn't blame you.” Ben shook his head, brow leaning on Brian's forehead. "It's way-more easy to hate you than Paul."

Brian pulled back, staring down at the handsome features. "I wasn't refusing _because_ of you. Ask Michael... I'm adamant about wearing condoms." He allowed his own hands to trail down Ben's back, falling to the unusually trim waist. “I'm, like, the worst freak about 'safe sex'.”

"It's true." The soft voice spoke from the middle of the loft. Neither man knew that the music had been turned off. Both Ben and Brian glanced up, catching sight of Michael. He was standing a few feet away from them. His deepening, passionate eyes were _only_ for Brian. "I do have the occasional fantasy of condom-less sex... but I'd never push them on you. I know how much getting sick scares you.

"I _would_..." As he held Ben, Brian reached out his hand for Michael's touch. "... if you really wanted to try, Michael."

Michael frantically reached to catch Brian's hand, simply bringing the shape to his belly. He'd been watching, and listening, to them for awhile. He was starting to realize how important this night would be for all three of them. "I love you too much to ask you."

"Don't." Ben couldn't bear the thought of encouraging either man to think of doing what they were thinking about. "Don't do it until you've _both_ been tested. If we do anything tonight...” His gaze went from Brian to Michael, eyes serious and wide. “... I want you both to get blood drawn within the next two weeks."

Michael placed Brian's arm at his hip joint. "Are we doing what I think we're doing?" He advanced on Brian, looking at how close he and Ben stood together. "Or do I need to wait my turn? Oh, wait... I know--I need an special 'invite'." He tried to joke nervously, swallowing with some difficulty.

"Michael..." Brian softly exclaimed, snagging Michael close to his side.

Michael's eyes downcasted, his forearms brought up to rest on Brian's chest. "I'm fine, Brian."

"No. No, you're not." Brian cupped underneath Michael's neck, caressing the thumb pad over plush lips. "You're pissed. It's natural."

"I feel..." Michael moaned into Brian's touch, shutting his eyes. He felt his lips being taken roughly. "... I hate-- _hate_... that I want this." His hands bunched in fists on Brian's shirt.

"It's okay, Michael." Brian hugged Michael to his body. "We'll take care of you." He pressed a kiss to Michael's temple. "Won't we?" He looked over at Ben, wanting him to agree.

"Yes." Ben was getting more turned on by watching the interaction between Brian and Michael, up close and utterly personal. "I still have feelings for you, Michael." His shaking hand reached out to touch Michael's biceps, quickly moving away. "I'm not here to hurt you or Brian."

Michael was tucking his face, hiding, in Brian's neck before he got some courage to stand on his own in front of Ben. He kept his arm wrapped about Brian's waist. "I'm warning you... I _did_ love you, with everything I had, but you _betrayed_ me." He watched how Ben flinched at his words, finally letting the situation sink into his head. "I can't--I can't look at you for too long without wanting to cower away and sob." He chuckled at his own image of himself yesterday, growling and scaring Ben. "I know I acted _different_ the other day, but you pushed me into a corner I wasn't prepared for. And you _were_ hurting the man I love. I was only protecting him, above my own safety. That's not really who I am."

Ben chuckled, lightly. "I liked seeing it, Michael. You should never let anyone walk all over you. You're right to be angry." He blinked, looking over at Brian, who was staring down at Michael's averted face. "Brian should've been off limits to me. I crossed a line no boyfriend should."

"Thank you." Michael raised his eyes to stare at Ben for a little while. "It's a little too late, though."

"I hope one day you can forgive me."

"Maybe. For one night... I can forgive/forget... because Brian asked me."

"I'm out of your life together after tonight.” Ben let out a sweet, sad smile. “But I won't be far if you want to talk some day."

Michael shut his eyes, shaking his head. He leaned forward to press a quick kiss on Ben's lips. "C'mon..." He soothed the smooth cheek. "No more foolin' around, you two." He linked his fingers with Brian's. "We eat like civilized men, then the rest of the night we can play like animals." He then turned to kiss Brian hard, showing how "ready" he was, always willing to wait. He drew away to walk into the kitchen.

Brian sat down on the stool, pinching his mouth. He looked under his lashes at Ben. "I'm sorry. If I don't..." He waved his hand about. "... then he gets all..." He rolled his hand as if to show how emotional Michael could end up getting if Brian didn't try to smooth things over. "... and I'll never hear the end of it."

“Don't worry.” Ben snickered, putting his palm up in the air. "I completely understand." He picked up his glass of water, walking to the dining room table.

Brian brought over his beer. He didn't take the head of the table, like last time. He took the side with an empty chair next to him. Ben knew it was for Michael. He took the opposite side, seated across from them. But Ben remembered he had told Brian he would start the interview during or after the meal. He stood to move, but Brian figured out what Ben wanted.

"Sit down. I'll get it for you."

Ben was a tad mystified of _this_ Brian, than the one who was constantly hateful, calling him "Benji". Once Brian handed over the bag, he wandered into the kitchen to see if Michael needed some help. Michael put him to work quickly. Ben took the time to watch them interact.

It was interesting the subtle differences between this moment and almost a week ago. They still joked and teased, brushed hands and kissed. And the laughing... _always the infectious laughter that made you want to join in_. But then the sexual urges would hit them. They'd look at one another, taunt with their eyes, but not touch. It was like they knew, later, they'd be able to show how much they were feeling for one another. They didn't have to squelch the romance and throw their feelings away with almost-there fondlings.

Brian had one bowl of pasta in his left hand and Michael's glass of iced tea in the other. The bowl went into the center of the table, Brian pulled out a big serving spoon from inside his pocket. Michael walked the second bowl over, spoon already inside. He went back to the kitchen to bring out the garlic bread sticks that had warmed in the oven. A basket was already prepared for them. Brian strolled on by to pick up three forks from the utensil drawer, snatching the basket on his way back. Michael went into the fridge, finding the container of marinara sauce. He popped it into the microwave for a few minutes.

Once the "ding" of the appliance was heard, Michael made his way over to the table. He slid into the empty chair next to Brian's left. Ben was directly across from him. He smiled slightly, knowing this would certainly be an unforgettable, awkward night for them. A "peculiar goodbye" to what they had and could have been as a couple. Michael glanced to his right, watching Brian dig into his favorite pasta dish, then the way he grabbed two bread sticks. He gave one to Michael. Michael took it, watching as Brian pushed the marinara sauce toward his plate. Ben didn't want to ruin the flavor of his bread; Brian really couldn't stand the taste of marinara sauce. And he'd sworn Michael to secrecy to never tell Debbie.

All three of them were eating their delicious meals, until someone noticed it had been silent for way-too long.

Brian was the one who broke the ice. "Did Lukas mention we talked yesterday?"

Ben nodded his head, brushing bread crumbs from his hands. "Yes, but not specifics." He picked up his fork to eat his pasta and chicken. “Sounded like you two got along quite decently.”

"He's a great guy." Brian gestured with his bread, pulling it apart with bare hands. "I don't say that often." He scraped his pasta sauce up with one piece of bread. “You'd be a fool to let him go.”

"Brian!" Michael elbowed Brian in the ribs.

" _What?_ " Brian startled to feel the bony joint on his skin.

"We don't want anyone meddling in _our_ affairs." Michael raised an eyebrow.

"I'm _not_ meddling. I'm making an observation and stating my opinion."

Ben put up a hand. "It's fine, Michael. I know what Brian means." He sat forward, taking a long sip of water. "Did he say something to you about us?"

"Yes."

" _Everything?_ " Ben was encompassing pretty much what Lukas had told him over the last week together.

"Yes... and then some."

" _Shit!_ "

Michael hated being oblivious. "What's... ' _everything_ '?"

Brian cleared his throat after swallowing some beer. "You were right about them."

"They were more like us than we thought?" Michael reached out to lay his hand on Brian, palm flat. He sat back in his chair, glaring at Ben. "How long?"

"Since you and Brian have been together."

"You swear?"

Brian snickered, shaking his head. "Michael, I think Ben would know if Lukas was sleeping in his bed. Well... _more than sleeping_ , but it's plainly written on the wall."

Michael crossed a leg over his knee, resting his left arm across his lap. He was tapping his fingers on Brian's back. "Have you loved him for a long time?" He wasn't really angry at Ben. More like frustrated that Ben couldn't see he had been doing much the same thing as Michael had been doing -- being in love with two men at the same time.

"I lusted after Luke, at first, in college. He didn't find me attractive, just wanted my friendship. Luke doesn't..." Ben wiped his napkin over his mouth, setting it beside his plate. "... he's very picky about the people he _does_ let in. I broke through some barriers. He fell in love with me, when I had already moved on."

"And _now_?" Michael was genuinely interested. He was drawing swirls on Brian's back.

Ben stared down at his near empty plate. "I found out... I never stopped loving him. I had hidden those feelings deep inside."

"What's _different_ now?"

Brian resettled his body in his chair. "Michael..."

"What?" Michael shrugged one shoulder. "I'm having a conversation."

"Talk about _me_ meddling." Brian mumbled over his shoulder.

" _You_ already know why, don't you?" Michael could sense it in the way Brian was tentatively glancing at Ben. As if he had some secrets hidden about Lukas.

"Yes. And it's between Ben and Lukas." Brian turned to his left and sat positioned facing Michael. “Lukas only told me, because he felt he needed to make a point.” He could also look at Ben.

"What 'point'?" Michael looked directly at Brian watching the eyes lower. His hand stopped moving. " _Fuck!_ That's what spooked you last night, huh?"

Ben furrowed his brow. "Why am I getting the feeling Luke may have told you something I don't even know?"

Brian stared at Ben, not moving his gaze once. "I'm not sure he thinks you're ready to know."

Ben sighed heavily, leaning back in his seat. Even when he wasn't here, by his side, Lukas could frustrate him to no end. " _Christ!_ " He rubbed a hand over his forehead. He wasn't sure he liked knowing Brian could be holding something important over his head.

"Brian, look..." Michael planted his feet flat on the floor, placing his own napkin on top of his plate. "… I think we all of us need to lower whatever is keeping us back from being fully honest with each other. I mean... forgetting the interview, which is pretty open and intimate... we've quietly agreed to participate in a sexual act that can either bond us or totally break us. When I walk into _that_ bedroom..." He pointed over his shoulder. "... naked and vulnerable... my heart laying bare... not knowing what's about to be done to me or what you two want from me... I want _**no**_ secrets between us. NONE. Got it?!" He stared between Brian and Ben.

Ben cleared his throat, nodding his head. A "Michael" who commanded the floor was certainly a hot turn-on. He felt a little uncomfortable in his seat. His cock growing harder with each word out of Michael's mouth, watching Brian react much the same.

Brian was having the exact problem Ben was. He bit his thumb. Terrible thing was... Michael had been touching him all this time. Running a soothing hand over his back muscles and up to his hunched shoulder blades. Brian thought he would burst out of his jeans or cum in them.

Michael detected the slow nods from each man. The way their eyes flicked at one another. He found he could almost control this entire night, if he wanted. He did at one point, but there was something erotic about letting Brian fuck him while being watched by Ben, thinking about joining in.

"Okay..." Michael choked out. His own mind making him beyond horny. "I'm ready."

Brian turned wide eyes to Michael.

Ben swallowed nervously. "Huh?"

Michael squinted his eyes at Ben. "The Second Interview... I'm ready." He knew what both men had thought he meant, but he played innocent. “Ask your questions?”

"Oh, right... yeah... questions..." Ben had placed his bag on the seat next to him. He took out his yellow legal pad, the notebook of pre-written questions and his voice recorder. "Is _this_ okay?"

Brian's eyes focused on the mini-recorder. "Does it have a built-in camera lens?"

Michael and Ben shared a chuckle. Michael's hand moved to soothe Brian's thigh muscles, keeping his hands between the legs.

"No, Brian. No more cameras."

"Okay, then... ask away." Brian threw his own napkin over his plate. He picked up his beer bottle to play with the peeling label.

Ben put on his glasses, brought out a freshly sharpened pencil. He moved his plate out of the way to make room. " _Who... was the first person you came out to?_ " He opened the notebook to where they had stopped on the interview.

Brian bent his head. "Vic."

Michael nodded his head. "Uncle Vic." He looked over at Brian, then caressed his cheek. "Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah... Twilight Zone. Next question."

Ben leaned his chin on his hand. " _Were either of you 'out' at school?_ "

Brian blinked and looked at the wall in front of him.

Michael got quiet, his head bowed. "I think most people knew Brian was. I was a little more..."

Brian pursed his lips. "Next question." He crossed arms over his chest.

Michael scooted his chair over, arm around Brian's torso. "Hey... it's fine. I don't mind."

Brian turned to look down at Michael. "But **I** do. This is supposed to be about **me** , not **you**." He wasn't gonna budge. If Michael wanted to say something, he'd have to speak it himself.

Ben knew this was a very touchy subject. "We can skip it."

"Yes... do."

"No... don't."

"Michael..." Brian stretched the name out.

Michael finally swiveled in his seat, grabbing Brian's face in his hands. "Look at me. I'm nearly thirty-two years old and I know it's what kept me in the dark about my sexuality. Why I can't come out to people right away. Why I spent my whole career at the Big Q in the closet."

"Michael, you worked for corporate American, which is the biggest bigot in world history. You hid away for good reasons."

"Oh... is that why you played me like that on my 30th birthday?"

I've already apologized enough for that.” Brian dropped his head, going quiet. "You know how bad I feel..."

"Fine. But that's not what Ben wants to hear."

"I wish you wouldn't, Michael."

"Maybe if I talked about it... _shared it_... it won't continue to make me feel so shameful."

"Jesus..." Brian wiped a hand over his face. "Do it, but do it fast... or this interview, and this night, ends now." He rose out of his chair to walk away, moving toward the bedroom. The door to the bathroom slid shut.

"Michael... I'm sorry..."

"No..." Brown eyes fell low, the throat swallowing with fear. "It's the reason I left community college so early."

"I thought Vic got sick and you took more hours at the Big Q? To help out the family with bills?"

"That was _part_ of it." Michael wouldn't look up at Ben, wishing Brian were here by his side.

"You don't have to say it out loud." Ben picked up his legal pad and pencil. "You want to write it down?"

Michael shook his head, finally lifting his head up in confidence. "I had a run in with a teacher. Another professor. He..." He rubbed a hand over his nape. "He made me believe I was a great student. His own private Teacher's Pet." He snickered at his own foolishness. "Like I needed encouragement at the community college level." He looked over at the bedroom, wishing Brian would return. "I wasn't _out_ like Brian... but I was comfortable in my skin. Let's just say, I got tricked into a nasty scandal and it pushed me back into the closet."

"Were you raped? Attacked?"

"No. It was consensual sex." Michael folded his hands on the table top. "He got caught with an underage teen one night. I just--I didn't want to get wrapped up in the court case and have Ma and Vic worry over me. So I lined up with all the other students he'd been sleeping with..."

" _Christ!_ " Ben shook his head, now understanding why Brian was so pissed off.

"... and they promised it wouldn't come to expulsion. I left after a few months in my second year. I couldn't stand the pressures. He was a really good teacher, though. But my record had been smudged."

"Michael... I'm really sorry. I'm not--"

"It's okay, really." Michael cleared his throat, sitting up straight in his chair. He turned his head a bit, listening to the water pipes above his head. "Excuse me... Brian still wishes he had been there to save me the embarrassment." He shook his head as he walked toward the bedroom. "Always wishing he could be my superhero." He walked up the two steps, almost bumping chests with Brian. "Oh... I was coming to see if you were--"

Brian's face looked paler than usual. His hair wet as if he'd splashed water on his face to hide emotions. "Is it over?"

"Yeah. You didn't have to run away." Michael smirked, reaching up to pinch Brian's face to some color.

"I don't... I should have been here, Michael. When it was all happening." Brian reached out to brush Michael's flushed cheeks with his fingers. “Why didn't you come get me? At least tell me when the shit hit the fan?”

"You had more important things going on than me." Michael almost didn't get to finish the reply, when Brian enveloped him in a hard embrace.

“Nothing...” Brian held strong to Michael, both arms tightly bound around his tiny form. "... and no one is more important than you." He buried his face in the dark hair, a hand moving back to cup the head in his palm.

They stood like that for what felt like ten minutes... Brian soothing with his touch and Michael rocking the huge frame, his words calming Brian's inner rage.

Ben soaked it all in, willing to give them this moment. He could wait awhile to ask the next question.

_This_ ... _**they** _ ... were more important. 

**~~TBC...**


	29. Chapter 29

  
The longer Ben remained silent and contemplative, the more Brian and Michael kept to themselves in the bedroom. After they hugged, Brian pulled Michael in the direction of the bed. He took a seat on the mattress, yanking Michael down onto his lap. Michael's back faced Ben in the dining room as Brian was either consoling him or being consoled by Michael. Ben decided to keep busy, he stood up to clear off the table. He picked up his satchel and all his books and notes, moving back to the living room. He retook the chair he had occupied a week ago and started to write some notes. 

He couldn't _not_ hear the smacking of lips together, the hushed tone of Brian's voice and then the equally quiet moan and giggle of Michael. The foggy glass slats weren't closed all the way. He watched them kiss, Michael now straddling Brian's lap. Their shadowed images blending and meshing from this distance. Brian fell backward on the bed, Michael hovered over his prone form, keeping his wrists on the sheets. Ben thought about getting up to see if they would want to start letting him join in. But he shook his head at feeling so bold in his head, but not so much in the actual "moving" part. He began to notice that Brian was undressing, button-down shirt and tank-t gone. Brian started to help Michael off with his sweatshirt, then his jeans. They weren't moving toward the head of the bed, nor did they grab a condom to have sex.

When they finally strolled out of the bedroom, Brian was still clothed in his low riding jeans. Michael had changed into a simple pair of sweatpants. Brian was behind Michael, picking up a quilted throw along the way. He was opening the material to wrap around Michael's body. Brian pushed everything off the couch that didn't belong, sitting with his back up against the left corner. His leg was stretched out on the cushions. Michael waited for the right moment before he sat down, cuddled in the quilt to Brian's chest. He actually moved to lay on his left side.

"Sorry." Michael frowned in apology, resting his cheek on Brian's bare chest. He shut his lids as he felt Brian's fingers tangle, then comb through his mussed locks. "I got a little emotional." He used the quilt to wipe away some remnants of moisture.

“Don't apologize.” Ben held out a hand. "I understand."

Brian kept his hand at Michael's nape. "Next question."

Ben read the sheet of paper. " _Ever been harassed due to your orientation?_ "

Brian's hand began to massage Michael's back through the quilt fabric.

Michael chuckled, his head shifting to look up at Brian. "I wouldn't say 'harassed' as much as faced intolerance... or bigotry."

Brian nodded his head as he brought up his left leg from the floor to lock it about Michael's frame. “I have to agree.” Michael snuggled the limb like a pillow. "I don't offer the information, but I don't hide who I am, either."

" _Ever been to a pride rally?_ "

"No." Michael grumbled, sinking his head into the quilt toward Brian's chest. He didn't like the rumblings of a chuckle under him. "Don't... even say it."

“Before your time, Ben.” Brian conceded Michael's wishes. "I won't say, but... I have _pictures_ to prove Michael isn't right, but he's not wrong, either."

"Answer the damn question, Brian." Michael thought it was moot to play around with the truth, so why not just come out and say it.

"Yes, Ben... I have been _to_ a pride rally. Easiest way to cruise for guys in broad daylight, pick out the 'men' from the 'flaming homo-s'."

Ben tapped his eraser on his chin. His blue eyes flashing at Brian. " _Worst gay stereotype that applies to you?_ "

"I love cock." Brian sunk down to hold Michael tight. "I do... I do... I do love The Cock so."

"Yes... you certainly do." Michael giggled at Brian's playfulness. "Effeminate."

Brian shook his head in disagreement. "Not Emmett 'effeminate'."

"No, but... I've been known to have 'woman-ly' tendencies."

“Hmm, that's strange.” Brian leaned his cheek on top of Michael's dark hair. "I sure don't feel that way when your big, hard cock is pounding into me."

Michael fully buried his head now. " _ **NEXT QUESTION!!**_ "

" _Have you ever dressed in drag?_ "

Michael peeked out from the hem. "Next question..."

Brian bit his bottom lip to keep from cracking up laughing. " _Ah-ha!_ I knew I could tell your dirty little secret. Ben, that would be a resounding Y-E-S from Michael, and a solid N-O... from me." He wrapped both his arms about the cocooned form. "Michael... or, errm... should I say 'Michaela' marched with his... uh, her Mommy."

"So..." Ben bit the tip of his pencil. "... I am oddly intrigued. Now I have to change the answer from before. Michael _has_ been to a pride rally." He erased and made the proper, correct notation.

Michael finally uncovered his head, laying back on Brian's chest. "You said 'been', not 'in'. I've never stood on the street and watched one."

"Yeah... Michael likes to sneak under the underwire bra to get in." Brian covered his hand over his mouth to only let Ben see his lips. " _He secretly loves them._ "

Ben snickered, shaking his head at Brian and Michael's antics. " _Would you ever consider dating a Drag Queen?_ "

Brian stopped to ponder the question. "I, actually, think I am. Kind of."

"Yes!" Michael stated awful loudly and succinctly.

"Michael?" Brian held a note of inquiry into Michael's answer.

" _What?_ " Michael lifted his head to lean back on the couch cushion.

"You'd think about dating and/or having sex with a Drag Queen?"

"Oh... _**Drag Queen!**_ I thought he said 'Drama Queen'... because I am, sort of, dating one of those now."

"Bitch."

"Asshole."

Brian squinted his eyes down at Michael in mock meanness, Michael simply smiled.

"Next question..." Ben applied the comment. " _Have you ever had sex with someone of a different ethnicity?_ "

Michael coughed in his hand. "You mean... like a black man? An Asian? A Latino?"

"No... he means Jewish." Brian's nipple was tweaked. "Ow!"

"I'm only clarifying... not dumb."

Ben chuckled deeply as he scribbled some notes. "I'm pretty sure you're both right."

Brian slid his right leg up to bend. It rested along Michael's back. "Yes. I was never picky about men."

"Yeah... because once those drawers are down... it's basically just a cock to you, right?"

Brian flicked Michael's nose tip. "Don't be jealous."

Michael furrowed his brow, perturbed. "I'm not."

"So say-ith the catty, effeminate drag queen." Brian mumbled as he tightened his legs about Michael's body, so he couldn't escape.

"I'll say "yes', too." Michael announced as he shuffled further under the quilt.

"When did you sleep with someone who wasn't white?" Brian couldn't even recall that Michael had any interest in those types of men.

Michael pushed at Brian's chest. "Ha! Now who's the 'jealous' one?"

Brian snagged Michael's hand, bringing him flush with his chest to kiss. "I'm not jealous, either."

"Sure." Michael tasted his own lips, feeling that Brian could show his emotions to him in so many ways. He... _was_ jealous.

Ben cleared his throat, crossing an ankle over his knee. " _Ever been in love with a straight guy?_ "

"Yes." Both Brian and Michael spoke at the same time.

Ben's eyebrow rose in curiosity. "Please... elaborate."

"Sophomore year." Brian's voice spoke as if in a dream state.

"High school. Chemistry." Michael said the simple word on a sigh.

"We always thought it appropriate he taught _that_ subject... since everyone thought he was hot, an' had some great 'chem-is-try' of his own."

"We had some wonderful jerking off sessions because of him." Michael rubbed Brian's chest, circling the pert nipple. "Do we have to name him?"

“No. I'm sure that answers the question sufficiently.” Ben shook his head in decline. "Which ties into my next one... _did you ever have sex with him?_ "

"In our brains, which were in our pants." Michael smiled over at Ben. "You shoulda seen us run out of third period to the bathroom stalls."

Brian soothed his cheek over Michael's forehead. "People thought we couldn't pee alone for months."

"We almost got in trouble for it once... _remember?_ " Michael blinked up at Brian.

"How could I forget?" Brian smirked, staring down into deepening brown eyes. “They thought we were smoking cigarettes or snorting crack.”

"Took us awhile before we confessed our sins."

“That poor school nurse. She seemed right out of the nunnery.” Brian shook his head in mild shame. "So young... innocent. Barely out of school herself. You'd think, during her medical training, she would have seen a penis or heard about masturbation."

All three men dissolved into laughter, making the room seem more at ease and comfortable.

" _Ever seen an uncircumcised penis? And if so... do you prefer them over circumcised?_ "

Brian made a "bad smell" face, shaking his head. "Uncut cocks are a real turn-off."

"I like 'em. There's an extra 'give', when you stroke them... some traction when they fuck you. It's like a 'jack-in-the-box'. An uncut cock can be quite a kink during ejaculation."

"Hello?!" Brian put up his hand. "I'm sitting right here!"

"I said I liked 'em. I don't prefer _any_ cock... _circumcised or not_... over your glorious stallion length. There... feel better?"

"Maybe." Brian wasn't sure he was appeased. "We'll find out later."

"Next question." Michael piped up in excitement.

Ben made some quick notes. "These all have to deal with sexual interests, activities. So I'll group them together -- _Have you ever... Been in a sling?... Been in a threesome?... Been to a nude beach?... Been to a bath house?... Barebacked?_ "

Michael glanced at Brian, waiting with bated breath for his answer. "You want to go first?"

Brian sighed like it was a hardship. "I suppose... yes... yes... yes... yes... and, uhm... yes."

Michael stared in shock, mouth agape. "You've been in a sling?"

"Yeah... when I barebacked on a nude beach in a bath house with two other guys." Brian bit his thumb, wondering if Michael would mind his honesty.

"Holy shit..." Michael could see the "twinkle" in Brian's eyes. He _had_ done those things just not conveniently together. "You think you're soooo funny. Where was I, huh?"

"Blissfully unaware, but content. Ask Ben..." Brian gestured over to Ben in the chair, looking stunned himself. "... the White Party in Miami can introduce you to some kinky folk."

"Well, crap... I'm not nearly as worldly and exciting as you. Yes -- to the bath house. I blame that on Brian needing to hold my hand." Michael chuckled as Brian pushed him, then held him. "I've had my _arm_ in a sling, not my _ass_. Hmm – _nude beach?_... uhm... oh!... my trunks fell off in the ocean once... and washed on shore. Thank God it was low tide." He shared his laughter with Brian and Ben.

"One more, Michael."

"I know..." Michael kept his eyes lowered. "... I didn't forget."

"Michael..." Brian cupped his palms around Michael's face, forcing him to look directly at him. "... you fuckin' barebacked?!?"

"Yes. And he pulled out." Brown eyes were frantic to explain. "We... we were both kind of jittery. I was only a few months beyond losing my virginity. _He_ was a virgin." He felt Brian's body relax beneath him. "I tried to tell him if the _only_ male companion he had was his hand, then he wasn't gonna pass any diseases on to me." Brian kept his hand on one of Michael's cheeks, caressing the smooth skin. Michael leaned into the touch. "He got excitable and yanked back when he felt his orgasm hit. He pulled out of me and well... it felt like one of those intermittent lawn sprinklers." He demonstrated the sprinkler for Ben and Brian. "He had _a lot_ of semen stored up in there." He chuckled, expecting Brian and Ben to join with him.

Ben and Brian simply stared with mouths wide open -- images of Michael... laying on his back... getting covered with cum... floating in their heads.

Brian closed his jaw, speaking first. "I'm almost afraid of you."

"That is why I am telling you to prepare yourself.” Michael pat Brian's chest with earnest concern, and worry. “There's a slight possibility that I may send a massive earthquake through your world and shatter you completely."

Brian snickered, shaking his head. He tucked an arm about Michael's neck. "I wouldn't go _that_ far."

"You crave it... and you know it..." Michael bit at Brian's neck, licking down his chest to the pert nipples again.

Brian tried to find his voice. "NEXT... question..."

" _Ever had sex in public?_ "

"Yes." Brian stated clearly.

"YES!" Michael stated against Brian's skin.

"Whoa... whoa... whoa!" Brian lifted up Michael's face. "What _exactly_ do you mean?"

Michael put a flat palm to Brian's abdomen. " _Wait!_ " He turned to glance over his shoulder toward Ben. "Do people have to be around to make it 'public sex'? Because what if you were fucking outdoors... frolicking amongst nature with the sheer probability of 'people' stumbling upon you and your lover?"

" _Fuckin' Cameron!_ " Brian muttered under his breath.

Ben furrowed his brow at the way Brian used the name of Michael's ex-boyfriend. "I'll generalize it to mean more of the outdoorsy/public area genre. Is that cool?"

"Then... _Hell Yes!!_ " Michael poked at Brian, teasing and taunting him. " _See! I can be adventurous like you!_ "

"Happy for you. Certainly nothing to aspire to, Michael."

"Such a down-y clown-y..." Michael pressed his thumb on the frown lines on Brian's forehead. "Cheer up buttercup!"

"Next. Question." Brian almost spoke between tight lips.

" _Strangest place you've had sex?_ "

Brian slapped a hand over his face, sliding it down. He didn't know if he could bear much more of Michael's 'true' sexual exploits. "Would you like to answer first... Captain Adventure?"

Michael smiled broadly, his eyes fluttering. "I wouldn't want to usurp your famed glory. You go."

"Okay... fine." Brian crossed his arms over his chest, blocking Michael from leaning fully on him. "I don't think this qualifies, but it works as strange. What are those big machines people ride to clean ice rinks?"

Michael wrinkled his brow in thought. "A Zambonie?"

"I had the hots for this guy, in college, worked at the local ice rink. We fucked on it, even while it was moving."

"Hmmm... you had a 'boner' on the Zam-bone-ie..." Michael alternated between raising one eyebrow over the other, really quickly.

"Ha-ha." Brian pinched Michael's face. "So hilarious, Michael."

"It's your usual wit and humor."

"Your turn." Brian held out his palm to show Michael he was next.

"Uh... the back of Scott Hearst's van."

Brian chuckled, his mind wandering back in time. _Who the fuck was Scott Hearst? Dammit!_ "That's not strange. That's kind of normal."

"Have _you_ ever been in the back of Scott Hearst's van?"

"No. Can't say that I have."

"Then don't pick on me."

"Next... question." Brian was having a difficult time digesting these answers Michael was giving.

Ben changed from ankle to knee, swinging his foot off to the side. He was getting really uncomfortable in this chair. "This will be along the same lines as the last question. Take it however you think of it in an instant. _Strangest place you've woken up? Doesn't have to be a sex-..._ "

Brian cleared his throat. "A woman's crotch."

"Ew, Brian!" Michael crinkled his entire face to show his disgust. "Are you gonna talk about your 'birth' again?"

Ben simply gazed long, and wide-eyed, at Brian, finding the hazel eyes averting curiously. "I was about to say... ' _Doesn't have to a sexually oriented experience._ '" He shook his head at Brian's reply. "Michael?"

"I'm sorry. I'm too disturbed." Michael almost began to sit up straighter so he could look directly at Brian. “I think Brian needs to explain himself better.”

"My first sexual experience. She'd already made me orgasm... _twice_." Brian closed his eyes, recalling the way those lips sucked him dry. "I think. It felt like I'd cum about a billion times. She wanted me to 'pleasure' her. So... I'm down _**there**_..." He tried to demonstrate without creeping himself out. "... and I'm working her over, she's groaning out all kinds of obscenities at me. And I just... _BLAM!_ I'm out. My tongue sticking directly in her clit." He caught sight of Michael's hands covering his mouth to keep his laughter quiet. "She kept writhing so damn much, she actually _thought_ I was eating her out, but I'd fallen asleep on her. She brought herself to orgasm, wrapping her thighs around me. _That_ was when I woke up."

Michael had fallen to the other side of the couch, away from Brian. He was holding his belly as he hysterically laughed. He was wiping wetness from his eyes. Ben had to take off his glasses to swipe away the moisture on his face. He tried not to imagine what the vision must have looked like. _Poor Brian._

Ben attempted to get his voice in non-chuckling mode. "Michael?"

"I'm sorry. Brian wins." Michael slid back up the couch, moving to lean down and hug Brian to his body. _God... he loved this man!_

"Just spit it out, Michael."

On his own giggling, Michael spoke his story. "The meat department at the grocery store."

" _What?The fuck?_ " Brian shook his head, snickering out his laugh.

"Ben said it _didn't have to be sexual_ , so I'm sticking with that. I was five, maybe six, years old. It was in the summer. I think Ma had dragged me shopping with her all fuckin' day long. Grocery store was the last place we had to stop off at. She promised me. So... she walked away from the shopping cart at one point... and I broke free. I had been hot all day, so I found the frozen meat department, climbed up into the bins. I lay my teeny-tiny head on some cubed steaks and slumbered like the angels." Michael placed his head like he had at the time on Brian's head.

"Awwww... that's so adorable, _my little rump roast_." Brian chucked Michael under his chin. He kissed the lips soundly, rubbing noses together.

"Better than being a _cunt cozy_."

Ben nearly keeled over from hysterical laughter. Brian had to join in because it about killed him to _not_ crack up laughing.

"And now... you all understand why I blasphemy the vagina."

"With good reason, sweetie." Michael nodded his head in agreement. "Anyone, in the position you were imprisoned in... uhm, would have been traumatized for life."

Brian wiped at his own eyes, looking toward Ben. "Next question."

" _Do either of you have tattoos or body piercings? And do you prefer or like them on someone you're having sex with?_ "

Brian remained tight lipped as he noticed Michael take some interest in this question.

"No... in your first question, to both." Michael scratched above his upper lip. "But the second question, I'm half-way to a 'yes' on. I do _like_ tattoos, but not all over the body. It has to make fucking sense to me why you have them too. I do _love_ the vines or the chain links that wrap around the biceps.” He demonstrated around his own upper biceps. “Especially when men roll their sleeves up to there. I like to see a Tat off either shoulder... or smack dab center between the shoulder blades. _That is damn fuckin' sexy._ I love to see the ones that shape over their lower back or the upper curves of their ass cheeks." He resettled his body with Brian's to place his forearm on the couch's arm rest, behind Brian's head. "Or... the ones right above their pubic hair. Although, I did like this one guy... at the gym... who had a tiger curled all over his back. I thought about if he ever let me fuck him... I could watch that tiger move as his muscles did. Kinda cool." Michael could feel how uncomfortable Brian was getting underneath him. He didn't mind the movements, because Brian was touching him with his fingertips and keeping him warm. He knew he was driving Brian bat shit crazy with lust. It motivated him to keep talking. "Now for piercings on guys... I _do_ love nipple rings. But don't fuckin' chicken out and get _only one_ , get _both_. I don't like piercings on the face, except ears. I did, though, fuck a guy once who had the tip of his cock pierced. Felt... _uh, gah_... really nice going in. Like an extra finger tracing my prostate. He did this one thing where he didn't go _in_ all the way. He simply lay his dick right at my hole... and he massaged me with the cock piercing... _whoa!_ Talk about erotic. He made me cum like twice, in a row."

Brian closed his eyes in painful misery. "Aren't you just a shitload of information?"

Ben had bitten his pencil, lost in Michael's answer. "Brian?" He couldn't wait to hear this addition. Probably short and sweet, because Michael had worked them both into a frenzy.

"No. I have no tats or pierces. And I do like tattoos on a body, if it's tasteful. Piercings... not so much. I dig nipple rings. Has to be both, for me, too. Cock piercings... uhm... haven't had the pleasure, like Michael. So I'm just gonna say... _that_... is my final answer."

"I'd pierce my cock for you." Michael bent his head, his lips tracing down the side of Brian's face. “If you wanna know what it feels like.” One of his legs, rubbed between Brian's inner thighs.

" _You_ are not doing _anything_ to your body for me." Brian spoke in an authoritative voice.

Michael lowered his head to Brian's ear, his hands sliding over Brian's bare chest. "It feels so damn good, baby... _honest_." He started kissing along the long neck, over the collar and chest.

"I don't care if it feels like fuckin' Christmas... I'm not letting you pierce your cock."

"I'll wear it for like... _a week_... then I'll take it out an' let it close up..."

Brian started growling, tackling Michael and throwing him down on his back to the cushions. He pined Michael to the couch. " _Shut! Up! Fuckin' Shut... the Hell... Up!_ " He yanked away the quilt and exposed Michael's naked chest to the air. He hovered for a bit, then groaned as he stared into passion-filled brown eyes begging him for attention. He attacked Michael's mouth, kissing him thoroughly to steal his breath a few times. He pressed his groin against Michael's, which caused Michael to have to spread open his thighs wide, allowing him entrance. "God... I need to... be _in_ you... or I'll fuckin' die..." He thrust toward Michael's groin, softly crying out for some kind of relief.

Michael reached up to caress Brian's cheek and chin, running the back of his hand along the jaw line. "You won't die. I won't let you." He tilted his head awkwardly to see where Ben was from his laying down position. "Ben... next question."

**~~TBC...**


	30. Chapter 30

 

Ben had been more interested in watching Brian and Michael, but he looked back into his notebook at the next question on the list. "Well... this is uncanny..." He smirked, shaking his head in wonder. 

"What?" Michael squeaked out as he felt Brian, hit the right spot with his entire body.

" _Is your best friend... the same sex as you? If so... have you ever had sex with them?_ " Ben snickered and looked over at Michael and Brian. "I didn't plan it. It _was_ the next question." He was even willing to hand them his notebook, but they were... kind of... busy.

Brian placed his forearms beside Michael's head, his body laying completely on top of Michael. "I think it's obvious what our answers will be."

"Yes... yes, I do see." Ben scribbled some notes. He adjusted himself in the chair. His erection almost at full power. He wanted to watch Brian 'take' Michael... watch the thick cock sink into the smaller man. He wanted to hear Michael whimper as if in pain from the large length sliding in and out of him. He wanted a lot of things that he wasn't sure he'd get tonight.

"How would _you_ answer, Ben?" Brian leaned his head on his right hand.

Ben wasn't prepared for Brian to be so 'clued in' to his feelings this evening. Especially with the way Brian was desiring Michael and focused on him at the moment. "What do you mean?"

"Lukas. You two have been best buds since college. You love one another, I'm assuming. You can't tell me you haven't done something to that gorgeous specimen of man."

" _Hey!_ " Michael waved his hand in front of Brian's face. "I can hear you, Brian." His mouth was quickly covered by Brian's palm.

"Stating a fact I'd like to know the answer to."

Michael yanked Brian's hand off his lips. "He has a right to his privacy."

"Not tonight. Like you said earlier, we need to keep the honesty flowing between us or this threesome doesn't work at all."

Michael furrowed his brow in confusion. "Lukas isn't here."

"Yes... _he is_." Brian raised hazel eyes toward Ben. "Isn't he, Ben?"

Ben set his papers and pencil on the coffee table, sitting forward. "What are you talking about?" He slid his glasses off, placing them on top of his notepads.

"Oh... he may not be here _physically_ , but he's..." Brian tapped his own head. "... up there, in your head. Every time you look at us, you can't help but see him and you. It's scaring you how _normal_ I really am. Or... is it that you're realizing just how _fucked up_ you are, like me?"

"Brian, I..." Ben spread out his hands to explain.

"Ah--ah--ah... you're on _my_ turf. You're in Kinney's Famous Fuck Pad. You abide by _my_ rules. Lucky for you, the first rule is... _there are NO rules_." Brian climbed off of Michael, to wander over to Ben. He stood in front of him. "Ask me whatever's on your mind. Or... I'll take requests." He had his arms dangling down at his sides, he let his hands come out to gesture for Ben to tell him to do something. Anything he wanted or craved from him.

"I want you..." Ben's blue eyes trailed up Brian's offered body. "... completely naked..." He sat back in the chair, sitting like some opulent face in royalty. He could almost envision Brian as his "slave" for the evening.

"Brian..." Michael called out softly from the couch. He lifted up off his torso, sitting back on his elbows.

"Michael... it's fine." Brian undid the top snap, slowly drawing the teeth of the zipper down to expose dark brown pubic hair. “All he wants is for me to get rid of my jeans. Nothing harmful about that, is there?”

Ben squinted over at Brian, not quite believing Brian would be at his total command tonight. He caught sight of the rigid length buried beneath. Brian's constant action with grinding against Michael's body had caused his erection to point upright. Ben could see the perfect cock tip, a portion of the length, veins pumping hot blood to its core. The pale hand wandered back up the bare chest, jeans were hanging lower off bony hips. The globes of upper ass cheeks were exposed on the backside.

Michael began to grow a bit frustrated, only because he wanted to get this first reaction from Ben over with. Make sure his intentions toward Brian were pure, not evil or vindictive. Now that they knew why Ben secretly disliked Brian, they were better able to control the evening, making it seem like Ben could have power. Or everything his dirty, filthy heart desired.

"I don't care.” Michael climbed off the couch, making his way toward Brian. “I'm not leaving you alone in this."

"Michael..." Brian swiveled a little to plead with Michael to let this be, so he could manage the moment on his own. But the sorrow he caught in those brown eyes made him suddenly realize what he was putting Michael through. He wanted to turn and hold Michael, but Michael refused, wandering around Brian's frame, making him face Ben. He stepped behind Brian, shaping his tiny body with Brian's back. He helped to slide the jeans off. He bent to have Brian step out of the legs, throwing them off in the distance.

Ben saw _this_ as an erotic turn-on to watch Michael caress Brian, watch the sexual beast in Brian be tamed and dominated to a lower sexual role.

Michael let his hands sculpt Brian's limbs, from bottom to top. He rolled over the outer legs and thighs into the inner area and up the groin. Michael never once touched the cock, his palm lay flat to Brian's stomach. He slowly lowered his hand to filter his fingers through the tight pubic curls on his way toward the throbbing length.

"Michael..." Brian's knees nearly buckled. Feeling Michael behind him, his lips and tongue roaming naked skin. Brian could have closed his eyes and cum from this way alone.

Ben rose from his seated position, still clothed. He sauntered over to press his body along Brian's naked form. He heard the sucked-in breath. Ben reached down to trace a lone finger inside the inner thigh, up the groin, over the abdomen and along the flat chest. He felt the lithe body quiver, the eyes closing in pleasure. Ben decided to take the opportunity, he leaned over to kiss Brian's cheek, moving down to lick the panting mouth. He felt Brian's shaking fingers unbuttoning his shirt and trying to undress him. The sleeves got stuck on his bulging shoulder joints as he grabbed Brian's head and roughly kissed him. Ben finally let the shirt material slide off his arms, letting it pool on the floor.

As Ben began playing with Brian's lips and tongue, their hands shared in the work of undoing Ben's jeans, tugging down the zipper. From out of no where, a third set of hands came around to help in the slow process. Ben toed off his shoes as the legs of his jeans flowed down to his calves. In between kisses and fondlings, he spoke down to Michael. "Pocket... left..."

Licking his own lips, Michael reached into the left pocket of Ben's jeans, feeling condom packets. He shut his eyes, gaining courage and pushing back doubts. This... _was really happening, wasn't it?_ He glanced up to watch the intricate body play between the two strong beautiful men. It was even sexier than in his conjured up fantasies. Ben didn't only kiss Brian's lips, he flew over his cheeks, down the neck, savoring the gorgeous flushed body. Their cocks brushed, bending cartilage and springing forward on impact. They groaned and moaned into one anothers' mouths, knowing the moment would soon arrive for them both to find release. Michael rose to his small height, condom packet in sweatpant pocket. He reached down to stroke both men, finding that they allowed him to enter their joining, only because _he_ was the very life force that had brought them together and kept them going.

Brian drew back from Ben, letting the lips fall where they landed. His body thrust into Michael's deft hand. " _... Michael..._ " He was begging for more, like a kiss or just a touch.

Michael wandered near to the little bit of space in between the two big frames. He felt Brian lean down to nudge his head in his hair and down his face.

Ben did much the same action Brian was, of thrusting his body into Michael's expert ministrations. " _... god, yes..._ " He bit his bottom lip, looking down at the way Brian cuddled his body to Michael. The subtle way Michael reciprocated, but managed to gain power over Brian without really using it against him. His darkening blue eyes watched as Michael slid his body in between he and Brian. Ben closed his eyes to feel the rounded curves of Michael's ass fitting his erection. He softly pounded, not forceful. _God..._ he missed _this_... the way Michael could just _be_ in the moment, but still make one feel as if he was igniting a killer fire.

Michael faced Brian first, playing his tongue over the pert nipples, licking the nub on one side and pinching the other. He shaped Brian's flanks, sloping down to his hips and waist. He rounded to the rear, yanking Brian into his groin. He lifted himself high to kiss Brian. He could feel the weight of Ben behind him. The soft dirty blond locks brushing his naked nape and back. He started heavy breathing, trapped in between the molten environment about to erupt in the next ten minutes. He quickly turned to give Ben the same treatment he had Brian. But what was different, was that Brian sunk into Michael, curving himself around the tiny shape. He licked and nipped at Michael's shoulders, rubbing his skin over the naked back down the spine.

At one point, Brian slipped his hands down the backside of Michael's sweatpants, drawing them down to expose a smidge of the bare bottom. Brian's length rubbed between the crack, Michael whimpered and squealed, biting Ben's skin. Michael soon sank to his knees. He took the packet back out, opening its contents. He sheathed Ben, stroking one cock as he sucked on the other. He didn't stay for long, because he knew the moment was drawing near for both men.

When he did return to standing, Michael found the tube of lubrication laying on the coffee table. He squeezed out a dollop, lathering up two fingers. He walked back behind Brian, watching the two men step closer. Two Alpha males fighting for control. One looking as if he was 'giving in' and the other seeming as if he was 'winning'. Michael _knew_ the truth... Brian was more in control than Ben thought. He slid his hand over Brian's ass, slipping down the crack to the puckered entrance. He kissed the middle of Brian's back to get him to spread his legs. He did, Michael easily penetrated in, causing Brian to grab onto Ben.

"Do you want to fuck me?" Brian brushed his cheek against Ben's face, his tongue licking and lapping.

" _Yes!_ "

"I've waited for you... Ben..." Brian drew away, once Michael stepped back. He was about to walk toward the bedroom, but Ben stopped him. He was yanked flush with Ben's chest. He snickered lightly, his arms locking around Ben's thick neck. "Yes... did you want something?" One brown eyebrow lifted in question.

"If you don't mind... I'll take you here." Ben's head gestured toward the couch.

"The couch?" Brian tried to imagine how Ben wanted to fuck him. He knew of several different ways.

"Yes." Ben bent to attack Brian's neck, his dick thrusting toward Brian. His arms had wound tight about Brian's body.

"Bent over the back? Or right here... on the cushions... on my knees?" Brian's mouth pecked and bit at Ben's.

" _Jesus... whichever..._ "

"How about both?" Brian broke away to turn, back facing Ben, as he climbed onto the cushions on his knees. His legs were spread wide, offering his backside to Ben's hard cock. He grabbed the steel rod at the back of the couch. His eyes were so hazy now... _his mind heady_... he couldn't see or detect where Michael was standing. Then he blinked, turning his head to discover Michael was right in front of him. Michael was placing his own hands over Brian's on the steel frame. The black pupils in the hazel eyes had taken over, the body was requesting desires beyond normal pleasure. He felt as if he were drowning, _needing_ _ **something**_... or _**someone**_ to save him. He attempted to refocus his eyes, trying _not_ to lose those loving brown eyes. " _God... Michael... I love you..._ " His voice sounded mournful, as if he could do nothing to stop his own body's wants and needs, but his heart would always know where it lay.

Michael wanted to cry. He was getting an "insight" to what Brian would look like with another man, the personal and private tortures he racked on himself because he thought baser needs were what made him who he was. He latched onto the back of Brian's head, lifting the hazel gaze to look at him. He softly kissed the open lips, feeling the fires churning within. "I love you, too... _always_..."

Ben was poised behind Brian, his cock ready to penetrate. He grabbed onto the hips, sliding in with ease, feeling the muscles contract around him. " _Jee-sus!_ " He nearly came in that instant. He wiped a wrist over his brow. He began to slide in and out with a deliberate rhythm. He could see Michael kissing Brian, petting his face and upper body. Brian reached out to hold onto Michael. The ass thrust back, wanting to be filled. Ben picked up the pace, slamming into Brian.

Brian leaned forward, pressing on Michael's chest with his forehead. Michael held fast to Brian's arms, soothing over the bare skin on his upper back. He leaned down to whisper in Brian's ears, as if encouraging him. Brian could barely nod his head in response, making tiny whimpering sounds, his body lost in euphoric appetite.

Ben began to sense his orgasm building, he wanted to pull Brian closer to him. He wanted to see that magnificent cock cum for him, because of what he was doing to Brian. He wrapped one arm around Brian's chest and balanced him upright. Brian cried out from the change in position, the sensations shifting inside his body. Ben sent a hand down to grasp the stiff length, stroking.

Brian growled, then moaned... his body jerking, his ass pounding backward onto the cock filling him. He spurt semen on the quilt, his climax making his body weak. Ben's hand was covered with his sperm, using the liquid to lubricate the rest of his motions. As Ben plunged in and out of Brian, he came inside the condom as Brian flexed his muscles, milking him dry. Brian even managed to release a second but much smaller orgasm. Brian fell forward, nearly ending up into Michael's arms. Ben pulled out, resting his body on top of Brian's back. In a few minutes of catching his breath, Ben would take off the condom and tie it to throw away.

Michael held out his hand, prepared to take care of finding the garbage can, since both men were too exhausted to move much.

Brian slumped down to lay on the couch, not caring how naked... covered in semen... ass sore... or erect he still was. He draped an arm over his eyes. His body was now crying out for Michael.

Ben felt like doing something, as if he had the right to slide over Brian's body and hold him. He looked as if he needed comforting, but Ben had some idea _he_ just wouldn't do. It had to be someone specific for Brian. He felt a little chilled and vulnerable standing around naked with his dick growing flaccid, his body still quaking from a massive orgasm.

Michael had stepped into the bedroom, grabbing one of Brian's silk robes for Ben. He threw the fine fabric as he pushed Ben out of the way. He climbed on top of Brian, cuddling his body within Brian's arms. "I'm here." He kissed and brushed his hands over Brian's perspiring face. "... let go... I've got you..." It seemed as if Michael was consoling Brian into calm. "How do you feel?" He grabbed the chin, making the face look at him."

"Okay... I don't feel so horny anymore." Brian rubbed his hand down Michael's bare arm.

"Awwww..." Michael pouted, kissing Brian's brow. "... that's terrible news for me."

"I'll always need you, Michael." Brian tucked his face within Michael's neck, letting the soft hands massage away his spent passion.

"I know, sweetie." Michael pet the back of his hand down Brian's cheek. "That's why I won't leave you alone tonight."

"Ben..." Brian licked his lips, blinking slowly. He turned his head on the cushion to look at Ben.

"Huh? Uh... yes?"

"You... okay?" Brian looked up at the dazed features and wide blue eyes.

"I, uhm...” Ben hadn't expected Brian to show any signs of true concern. “... I guess I'm doing fine."

"You look... like you got a lot on your mind." Brian stared up under heavy lashes and his forearm over his brow. His body was still tingling from the two orgasms he'd had, but having Michael near was comforting him on so many levels. He felt bad to be exploiting the effect to Ben's eyes.

"I don't really know." Ben moved to retake his chair, sitting forward. “I thought I'd feel different.”

"I'm really not at my best as a Bottom." Brian brushed his one free hand in between he and Michael's chests.

"No... that's _not_ it." Ben shook his head in earnest realization. "It's **me**."

"Beg your pardon..." Brian furrowed his brow in perplexity. "... _what about you?_ "

"I feel... _christ_... like I somehow... _violated_ you."

Brian was softly chuckling, shaking his head. "Hey... you were rough, but not _that_ rough."

"No, not _physically violating_ you. I'm having a difficult time with the Brian Kinney I thought I knew... to the one I've been seeing all these three months, especially this last week or so."

"With everyone else..." Brian turned his head to look up at Michael's eyes. He reached out to touch the face, the plush lips. "... it's just a game..."

"Excuse me?" Ben blinked quickly, wondering what Brian could mean.

"With no one else but Michael... I'm real. I'm who I was always supposed to be." Brian kissed Michael soundly on the lips.

Michael cleared his throat. "Same with me, Ben. I don't... I feel like less of who I am without Brian. With him..." He took one finger to trace the features he loved in detail. "I can conquer all my demons, difficulties and win battles inside myself that have been warring for years." He let his cheek rest on Brian's as their heads turned toward Ben's direction.

"It's the same for you and Lukas." Brian spoke up, his hand moving behind Michael's head, tangling in the dark locks.

" _Shit!_ " Ben covered his face with two hands, scrubbing away his old self.

" _Hey!_ " Brian lifted up off his torso, sliding to lay a little upright on the cushions. "... don't fuckin' shy away from me! I just let you stick your dick up my ass... I've got no time for your sexual hang-ups!"

"No. I'm just--I can't believe I've been able to have such incredible men in my life. And how foolishly I use everything in me to push them away. I lost Michael, but I can't... _I won't_... lose Lukas."

Michael pursed his lips, feeling a bit of that old rejection flooding over him. But having Brian caress him was easing his heartache. "I am happy for you, Ben. I _do_ know one day I'll be able to forgive you, but I need time."

"I can wait. I'm in awe that you're actually here... able to take all this in.” Ben rubbed his hands together, then down his thighs. “You just watched me fuck Brian... and you're _not_ trying to kill me. You're a better man than I'll ever be. As Brian's said... you're worth the wait. I'd hate to lose your friendship and loyalty."

“You won't.” Michael lowered his eyes, drawing circles on Brian's bare skin. "I can't trust you like I used to."

"Understood."

Brian smacked Michael's ass. "I just realized something."

"What?" Michael chuckled, smiling down at Brian.

"You... are so over-dressed for this party."

"Uh... when did it become a 'party'?"

"The good weed I brought made it a happenin' 'party'."

Michael stared at Brian intently. "Did you let Ben smoke more than me?"

"Ben's responsible. You... not so."

"I am _so_ responsible. Is it my fault your weed does this kind of shit to me?"

"Which is why..." Brian's hand slipped down under the sweatpants, cupping the bare ass. "... I told you _not_ to touch it."

Michael pouted, laying his head on Brian's jaw. "I didn't want to be the only sober asshole in the room. Left out of all the fun."

Brian pressed lips to Michael's brow. "Don't worry... I wasn't the only Bottom invited..."

"Brian..." Michael lifted his head to look into hazel eyes. "Can we use the blindfold now?" 

"Yes..." Brian removed his limbs from around Michael, letting him go. "Put it on, but take everything else off."

"Yes, Daddy." Michael jumped off Brian's body and over the couch. He shuffled hurriedly into the bedroom. He found out once he turned on all the lights, he had to clean up his mess first. "Uh... I might be awhile." He tried to fly around the room, picking up after himself.

Brian sat up on his elbows, watching Michael over the couch arm. "Next question." He plopped his head back down on the cushions.

"Huh?" Ben was momentarily startled back into reality.

"Michael's out of the room. Your thesis is on _me_. Ask _me_ the rest of your questions. It'll eat up time." Brian reached down to stroke his cock, bringing his left leg up, foot flat on the cushion. "Unless... you want to fuck me again?"

Ben couldn't even look at Brian naked without wanting him. He picked up his papers and pencil. He opened the notebook back to the list of questions, hearing Brian softly chuckle. He saw the beautiful face in profile, long lashes shut in restful peace, watching the chest breathe slowly. The long fingers folded over the mid-sternum, as if he was finding sleep.

" _Would you rather be rich and smart... or young and beautiful?_ "

"I've been all four. They're overrated. I'd rather be with Michael..." Brian lay his hand over his heart, rubbing the skin. "... happy and content."

" _Are the best years of your life behind you... or in front of you?_ "

Brian sighed, pausing as he looked up at the ceiling. He rose up off his torso, looking toward his bedroom. He watched Michael with a sweet smile on his face. He lifted his body to bring the quilt out to cover his nakedness. "In front of me." He lay back down, eyes closed.

" _Name of your first love._ "

"Michael Charles Novotny."

" _Do you believe in true love?_ "

"No... but I believe in Michael."

" _Are you in love now?_ "

Brian blinked his eyes open, staring above. The smile back on his face. No doubts laced in his mind. "Yes."

" _Would you marry, if you could?_ "

"It's not important to me, but if Michael wanted it... I'd consider the possibility."

" _Do you want children?_ I guess it would be -- barring you had none, but since you do... we could skip it."

"No... I want to answer." Brian cleared his throat. "I didn't want kids, but now that my son is here... I'm gonna change the 'want' to a 'need'. But mostly it's becoming a 'love'." He sat up on the cushions, glancing over at Ben. "Now... if you want to ask me about Michael, I would tell you that I wouldn't mind a daughter... or a son, of his." His smile grew again, rubbing at one eye. "I'd like to watch this tiny person of his image grow up, like he did. See things I never saw myself. He'll make a great father. He's raised me right."

Ben was a bit taken aback by Brian's response, another reason to be in awe of _this_ Brian Kinney he was discovering. " _Are you glad you're still here?_ " He shut the small notebook.

Brian swallowed with some difficulty. "Right now... these moments I have with Michael, no matter what we're doing... make me more than happy to still be alive. I'll never take him, or our life together, for granted again."

Ben scribbled the last of his notes, then rolled back his legal pad pages to the very beginning of the interviews. He piled everything and reset them in his satchel. " _All right!_ " He clapped his palms together. "That's it. We're done. No more questions."

Brian fixed his body to sit fully upright. "I have some for you."

"What?"

" _Do you really_ _ **want**_ _to die alone?_ "

"Brian..." Ben laughed nervously. "... I'm not..."

"No. I know you aren't, but you might one day. You had Michael and you flat out ruined it. I have no idea what you did before him, but... _I'm serious here_... _**DO NOT FUCK IT UP**_."

Ben crossed one bare knee over his leg, making sure the robe fabric covered his nakedness. Strange to feel this self-conscious in front of Brian, since they had just fucked. "Lukas mentioned his cancer scare?"

"Yeah. How did you feel when he told you?"

"Initially, I was frightened for him. Then I got scared, thinking the worst of his illness. Then I was heart broken. He had been keeping a huge part of himself away from me and suffered on his own. He didn't want to burden me with his problems. He thought I had too much already to deal with."

"You don't like knowing that." Brian smirked, quirking up an eyebrow.

"No." Ben softly snickered, shaking his head. "I don't."

"Then you know how Michael felt when you wouldn't be as open about your HIV Poz status. You're a human being, Ben... you need comfort, contact and closeness. No matter how much you want to be a well-oiled machine... you can't _be_ one unless you _are_ one."

Ben squinted his blue eyes over at Brian's face. "Did Lukas tell you something he can't say to me personally?"

Brian shrugged, shaking his head. "He _wishes_ I was a big blabbermouth. If only to save him the aggravation of having to burden you with more than you can handle at this point. He feels he's told you enough."

“I love him.” Ben cleared his throat, feeling his esophagus clog. "What we have between us... is _important_ to me. I will handle anything... _any_ thing he has to tell me."

"Well, then..." Brian crossed his arms over his bare chest. "... maybe you _are_ ready to hear this more than he knows."

"Brian... I'm not gonna beg you."

"I would never tell you if you begged. I'm attempting to figure out the best way to convey to you what he said to me. Say it like he meant it to sound to my ears."

"I'm ready whenever you are." Ben clamped his hands down on the arm rests, trying to prepare for the words.

"I sure hope so." Brian stared ahead out the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Pittsburgh night skyline. The windows were shut because of the cold. "He started talking about Danny. How even when he was dying, he thought about how happy Lukas wasn't. How much Lukas must be missing, and loving, you." He saw Ben look away, hand rubbing his chin. "Danny simply asked Lukas to think of you in _his_ position. Would he like knowing you were slowly dying in someone else's arms?"

" _Jesus Christ!_ " Ben bent his head, his hand slinking to rub at his neck. He kept it there, leaning.

"Ben... look at me..."

"Mmm-hmm...." Ben weakly lifted his head, his frayed emotions clear on his face.

"So Lukas did. He imagined you, but then he got selfish and wondered about himself. ' _ **what about me?**_ ' he asked... and thought not only did he not want you dying without him, but that he couldn't see himself passing on in anyone's arms but yours."

Ben buried his face in his hands. " _Fuck!_ "

“He came back for you, Ben.” Brian sat forward on the couch. "Only... for you. He is there for the rest of his life, with you."

"I know." Ben wiped at his eyes, trying to be manly about his feelings. Not coping well at all.

Brian stood up, letting the quilt fall back on the couch. He held out a hand for Ben to take. "C'mon... I think the bedroom is now ready for us..." He was still naked as the day he was born, cock softened a little but slightly erect.

Ben reluctantly took Brian's hand, allowing himself to be led toward the bedroom. Brian stopped walking as he climbed the first step up, then stopped. Ben had to latch onto Brian's hips, bumping bodies.

Brian crossed his arms, almost tapping his foot. "Why aren't you naked... wearing a blindfold?"

Michael wandered up to Brian, looking at Ben over his shoulder. "What did you do?" He looked at Ben clearly, once Brian looked, as well. He could see the signs of wetness on Ben's face. "You made Ben cry!?"

**~~TBC...**


	31. Chapter 31

 

"Michael!" Brian spoke in an exasperated tone. "What did you do with the blindfold?" 

"I dunno." Michael voice became soft, his foot scuffing the floor. "I'm sure I've lost it."

Brian climbed up the second step, advancing on Michael, which forced him backward. "So use one of mine." His hand touched Michael's waist, slipping under the fleece fabric. "Or use one of my ties from the closet."

Michael paused, standing still, his chest bouncing off Brian's. Brian's growing erection squished between their bodies. "You plan on making _me_ cry too?" He crossed his arms in defiance.

Brian tilted his head, looking down at Michael's brown eyes flashing frustration. His hand, in the sweat pants, slid around to cup Michael's ass with one hand, soothing over the soft, pliable flesh. "I'm thinking of spanking you, but I'm afraid it _wouldn't_ make you cry 'tears'." He bent low, snagging at Michael's lips.

Ben took a seat on the low, elongated dresser that was placed under the window slats. Before, he would've said they acted like young teenagers in love/lust. Now... _like this_... they were a cute, bickering married couple. He sat back to watch the "fireworks". And Ben had the "fire" part right.

Michael's arms broke apart to surround Brian's neck, dangling down his back. "... _ugh_..." He felt the finger trace the line of his crack, under-caressing to feel his scrotum. "... _Brian!_ " He wanted clothes to grab and yank Brian close, all he could use was skin and appendages. "... _fuck me_..."

Brian drew back, mouth hovering over Michael's lips. "No... not yet."

"Why? I'm ready." Michael groaned softly, leaning his body into Brian's comforting embrace. "I need you now too." He was rubbing his forehead over Brian's breast bone, sliding his hands down the naked form. His own hands went to curve about Brian's rear, grasping and spreading the cheeks. He caught Brian's moan in his mouth, still sore from the earlier fuck session with Ben. "... tell me... what you did... to make Ben cry?" He bit at the neck, sliding his tongue up the nape.

"We fucked... _ah-gain_. I came. It was beautiful. He cried." Brian shrugged his shoulders.

"Liar. You love to tease me." Michael nudged the side of his face with Brian's, his near black gaze zeroing over to Ben. "I know Ben. And you—you two didn't have time to fuck again."

"A quickie. We were ready for one another."

"Jerk!" Michael pushed at Brian's chest, drawing away.

Brian latched onto Michael's forearm dragging him back. "You... are still _not_ naked yet." He then walked away, toward his closets. He was going to go through his ties he wouldn't be sad to lose.

Michael turned instant sorrow-filled eyes to Ben, wanting to learn the truth. He hated knowing that Brian did this without him. "I promised you..." He looked away from Ben, as he was about to say something. He turned to face Brian, arm bent and hand at his hip. His other arm held out to make flailing motions. "... I wouldn't leave you alone. Why did you--?"

Brian stared at Michael, smiling to himself. Michael had made his body look like an old fashion tea kettle. "Relax, Little Teapot." He reached out to soothe Michael's flushed cheek, shaking a shoulder joint. "Ben and I talked, is all." He stopped moving, holding onto the door to the closet. "Although... I have smoked a lot of pot today. I could have blacked out and not known what was going on." He glanced over toward Ben. "Did we fuck again?"

"No." Ben stated as clearly as he could to appease Michael's worry.

"See... puzzle solved." Brian gently pushed on Michael's shoulder as he walked closer. He had four ties in his hands, putting them up to Michael's eyes.

“What...” Michael shot his head back, looking up at Brian's hand. "... are you doing?"

"Picking a shitty tie to match you eyes."

"Uh... _blind_ fold... you won't be seeing my eyes."

Brian held up the set of ties hanging over his forearm. " _Ah!_ But I'll be seeing the shitty tie."

Michael bit his top lip, watching Brian put away the three other ties as he made his decision. "You, uh... gonna tie me up tonight, as well?" He stepped up to push Brian into his closet. Michael hung off the closet door, rubbing his hand over the flat surface. He wanted to be fucked so bad by Brian he could taste it. That feeling rushing over him might just be the "weed" talking. He was in this strange erotic phase. He would even take one of the dildos, but not the four-headed one. That would be Teddy's Birthday or Christmas gift this next year.

Brian let his eyes wander over Michael's face, not sure he knew what he was asking. "Would you _like_ me to tie you up?" He brought up a hand to brush through Michael's hair.

"No."

"Then... stop... asking." Brian bent to kiss Michael hard, making him feel how stiff he was becoming. Any image of this pale body being stretched out on his sheets was turning him to goo.

"Can we tie Ben up?" Michael taunted, making sure Ben could barely hear him. “He liked it the last time he was with you.”

"Michael..." Brian shook his head at Michael's crassness.

"Sorry." Michael bowed his head, but the smile was still there.

"No offense taken." Ben exclaimed having stepped closer and sat on the bed.

Michael shot back in mock fright, hand to his chest. "Oh, dear... Ben... hey... Hi..." He nervously walked backward, hiking his sweats high on his waist. His own erection had been stiff since... well, since mid-afternoon the nearer the time came to Ben's arrival.

Brian closed his closet doors, the tie he picked in his hand. "All right." He looked between Ben and Michael. "You ready?" It was an over-all inquiry.

Michael had wondered if Ben and Brian had discussed this in the other room, when he wasn't there. "What's happening?" He already knew what _might_ happen, but not _specifically_ what would be done to him.

"Well... first..." Brian five-finger pushed Michael against the closet door wall on the other side of the bathroom door. "... _I want you naked_..." He slapped the material of the tie together like a belt folded in half. "Then you'll blindfold yourself... and you, Ben and I... will play a game."

Michael tucked his hands into the sides of his hips, under the material of the sweats. He was beginning to take off the rest of his clothes. "What do I get if I win?"

" _One of us._ " Brian gestured between he and Ben.

Michael blinked, licking his moistened lips. "What do _you guys_ get, if either of you win?"

" _You._ " Brian brushed the fine silk down Michael's face, along the bare chest.

"Well... uh... _what exactly do I have to do?_ " Michael's voice was shaking, the anticipation of sex was overcrowding his brain. He was reaching a point where it wouldn't matter whose cock filled him, only that he wanted release.

"Step out of the sweats... and find out..." Brian turned to stand a few inches away from Michael.

Michael reluctantly dropped his sweats, elasticized underwear still on. He was quivering in fright, but only Brian knew... he was always cold at this time of the evening. Michael was playing "his" role quite well. How Ben always saw him... _childlike, harmless and sinless_. His hands were planted flat beside his body on the wall. The tight undershorts plainly allowed the view of his growing length, his lungs quickly breathing to fill with air. "Brian... I don't think I want to play this game..." He made his voice shake, showing signs of fear.

"You _do_ ... an' you _will_ ." Brian's hazel gaze intensely stared wild chocolate eyes down. It was as if by his gaze alone, he could control Michael's bodily reactions. "Your heart's beating a mile a minute..." He wandered closer, but still distant from Michael, the head turning to watch him. "I bet..." He stopped almost in front of Michael, the hand holding the tie reached out. The material brushing over the cotton covered erection. "... your cock is pumping full of blood." He rubbed over the length, curling upward on Michael's pubic bone. "... you're so hard for me... I can feel it." 

"How?" Michael could barely feel Brian's hand.

"I'm just as hard for you..." Brian swiveled to face Michael fully. “... if not more. Wanna feel?” His cock brushing Michael's hidden beneath his briefs.

" _Yes..._ " Michael reached out with one hand to keep Brian away, but only managed to lift Brian's chest off his own. Their groins still meshed, merging. " _God..._ " He averted his head, refusing to take Brian's offered lips. He was panting, his passion out of his control. His lower body kept taking the brunt of Brian's tender pounding. " _... yes..._ " The hand that tried to push Brian from his body, moved to caress the naked flesh.

Ben was sitting forward, his own cock increasing in hardness. _God..._ Michael was... _maddening_ him. He didn't know how he could have ever gotten _this side_ of Michael out to play during sex. Maybe Brian was the only man who had the touch needed.

Brian didn't even turn his head toward the bed. He kept his eyes on Michael's lowered face. "Ben..."

"Uh, yeah... present!" Ben stood up, as quickly and as easily as he could. He was such a big man and the bed so low to the ground. _How the hell did Brian do this every damn day?_

Brian and Michael almost broke their concentration on one another with laughter. _Poor Ben..._

“Come closer.” Brian cleared his throat, his voice becoming masterful. "Michael _needs_ to ... 'feel'... what he does for you."

Ben took off the robe, laying the fabric on the bed. He walked up to stand beside Brian. Ben's erection was now at full attention. He tried not to appear too horny, but he could tell Brian was in the same predicament. They were both lusting after Michael. But really, Ben was pretty much willing to admit he wanted either Michael or Brian. Luckily, together at some point.

Michael let the hand between he and Brian's chests fall to take Brian in his right hand. He reached out to rub the back of his knuckles down Ben's length, the body shuffled closer wanting the same attention Brian was getting. Michael expertly stroked each cock, imagining the feel of _both_. From what he remembered of Ben to recently with Brian. His own length was begging to be touched, the cotton still encasing the pulsating hardness. Michael arched his head backward, looking under his dark lashes at Brian. "... I don't care which one of you fucks me... as long as I am the 'winner'..." His eyes were now black, his bottom lip worn from so much biting and kissing... "What's the game?"

Brian had to lean one forearm, his left, on the wall. Michael's hand was working him too well. He nearly lost his train of thought. "We can't talk, but you have to identify who each one of us is. It'll be _both_ of us near you. We can do one of four things... ONLY ONCE. We can kiss you -- wherever. We can taste you -- wherever. We can touch you -- wherever. An' we can inhale your scent -- wherever. Once we start, whomever causes you to scream, cry out, grown or moan... even speak something nasty... you have ten seconds to make a decision which one of us it was. And we can't move from your body until you guess right. If one of us happens to bring you to orgasm, you lose automatically."

Michael quirked an eyebrow up in wild amazement. He actually liked this game. "How many tries do I get before you two lose?"

"Five. Last one being a tie breaker. If we need it."

"Ooooo... for the five senses... good one..." Michael bit his top lip this time, feeling his own body gain some semblance of control again. "I don't know, Brian. Why don't you two just flip a coin. I'll let whomever wins, best two out of three, fuck me."

"No..." Brian moaned out as Michael slipped his hand underneath, grabbing his testicles. "I like _this_ better. A game of chance." He unrolled the tie from around his hand. "You carry off the 'blindfold' look so well." He ran his hand wrapped in silk down Michael's face; Michael turned to bite the material between his teeth. " _... turn around..._ " He gently commanded.

Michael had to let go of both cocks, facing the wall. He cowered against it, knowing his ass was facing in the wrong direction. "Do you want me to start by facing the wall?" He let his backside thrust out once, bumping both cock tips. He caused not only Brian and Ben to groan and moan, but himself too.

“Let us decide, for now.” Brian tied the silk around Michael's eyes. "You need to be completely naked."

"Can't one of you... finish the job?" Michael made his voice sound sweet and naive.

"We want to watch you..."

"Fine!" Michael slowly turned on his side, leaning on the wall as he slid out of his underwear. He stepped out of one leg first, then the next. He leaned back against the wood paneling... his dick stiff and erect.

Brian didn't lower his eyes from Michael's face, Ben did.

"Do your worst... boys..." Michael teased as he spread out his arms from his body, like he was laying on a bed. Then he brought his arms above his head, keeping them pined to the wall on his own.

Brian quietly asked Ben if _he_ could go first, Ben nodded and watched Brian make the initial move. Brian sidled up to Michael, hand planted near Michael's right arm on the wall. He watched Michael's body tense, appearing frightened. He hovered over Michael's lips, simply taking one index finger, starting from the bottom lip. He drew a zig-zaggy line on down Michael's body, but he stopped at certain areas. He moved to Michael's left... motioning for Ben to come up on the right and do his "worst" to Michael.

Ben went right for Michael's nipple, suckling and licking the circumference.

Hazel eyes were intent on Michael's mouth, watching how hard it was for Michael _not_ to say anything. The moment Michael moaned, Brian stepped back. Ben had done his "magic". So as he continued on, Brian counted down on his hands the seconds.

Michael reached out his hands to touch, but then thought... he could probably do this without needing to touch. " _... oh, god..._ I think I know who this is..." He jerked in sensation. " _Brian!_ "

Brian made the "wrong answer" buzzer sound. " _Dammit, Ben! You have to teach me that!_ I've been wondering what I needed to do different to make Michael cum when I play with his nipples."

Michael's body sagged. "I was... _wrong?_ " He seemed heartbroken he couldn't pick out Brian. He thought... _god..._ he thought he could.

Ben's brow furrowed. "Don't sound so happy it was me, Michael." He stepped back not sure this game was going to be great for his self-esteem.

Michael blindly reached out to cup Ben's cheek, but... instead... almost clocked him in the jaw. " _Oh... whoops! Sorry... Jesus..._ Maybe it's my nerves. I'm not--" He turned his head. "Brian? Where are you?"

Brian stood back a few inches, his hand covering his mouth. He realized Michael was "playing" this role rather better than he expected. Michael had showed him the other day how agile he was under the blindfold. _Was this mistake all for Ben?_ _To make Ben feel part of their experience together? Like they weren't trying to keep the upper hand over him?_ He grabbed Michael's hand, moving closer. " _Hey... hey..._ settle down. I'm right here." He brought up a hand to caress Michael's face, cupping the side of the neck. "You have four more chances to get this right. You can still win."

"I don't think I want to 'win' anymore. I just want to be..." Michael lowered his head, chin to his chest. It was as if he'd mumbled something.

Brian bent his head to look at Michael's bowed features. "Look at me, Michael." He attempted to lift the drooping chin. " _What did you say? What do you want?_ "

" _... fucked..._ " Michael moaned out in half pain and pleasure, his hand running down his abdomen to his pubic hair. He wanted to touch himself. No one had touched his cock since he undressed. "I want to be fucked. Hard... and quick... or I'm gonna burst."

Brian's hand cupped the side of Michael's face. "How about we lay on the bed and do this... game? Maybe you need to relax."

"Okay..." Michael walked on his own for a bit, but made it seem like he lost his balance and fell against Ben's arms. "Oh... hey... say, uh... Ben... could you--?" He used his hand to say he only wanted someone to walk him closer to feel the edge of the bed. He traced the mattress with his fingers, sitting at the end. He then hefted his body up to slide backward, his legs bent to show he wanted to be taken on his back. His thighs were wide, cock flapping on his stomach as he moved to lay down.

Brian closed his eyes, feeling a slight ache at having "played" Ben ever since he walked in through the front door. He knew Ben was figuring out that they might or might not be going over the top with the sexual scenes. He grabbed two condoms and the lubrication. "Take this... in case you win... ah-gain." He threw the tube of lube on the bed, next to Michael. "Right hand, Michael, about three inches from your hip."

Michael caught the tube, his brow wrinkling in thought. "What--?"

"Prepare yourself for one of us."

Ben watched Michael's hand shake as he brought the tube to his chest. He wasn't sure if this fear was real or not. It did seem pretty authentic, but then again... with Brian Kinney as your partner, there was no telling what kind of fabricated truths were laying around. "How about... I forfeit."

"Just like that?" Brian stared in befuddlement. He hadn't thought it could be that easy.

"Maybe... I'm wisening up to finally understand my role here. This is your bedroom... with Michael. This is your boyfriend... laying on your bed, waiting for _you_ to fuck him. I'd be a certain kind of cretin if I took that away from you."

Michael pulled off the blindfold, rising to his elbows, tube of lube on his chest. "Ben... no... c'mon..." He almost felt bad for trying to dupe Ben.

Brian furrowed his brow. "You want something else in return."

Ben smirked, reaching out to pull Brian closer. "I wouldn't mind another shot at you." He meshed their bodies and groins together, sending his finger down Brian's crack to play at the entrance. Brian was still a bit sore, his body affected by the simple pressure. "I'll give you some time with Michael... before I join in." He bit and kissed Brian's neck. "It can make fucking Michael that much sweeter."

"You know this from experience?" Brian lifted one eyebrow in curiosity, looping his arm about Ben's thick neck.

"So do you."

"Yeah... you're right." Brian let Ben complete his actions on his skin, licking and suckling a nipple. He cried out, like Michael had. " _Holy! Shi--!_... Okay... so maybe you _did_ win that thing fair and square..."

Ben shook his head, putting one finger over Brian's lips. "Why are you still talking to me?" He chucked his thumb in Michael's direction.

"You had my nipple in your mouth... and it felt really good..." Brian was pushed toward the end of the bed. He was facing Michael now. He raised both eyebrows, pointing toward Ben (privately). Like saying, _"This guy is pretty awesome"_... then the hazel eyes deepened as if declaring, _"But I'm even more awesome... and... you love me best..."_. He glanced down at Michael. "Hey, cutie."

"Hey, han'some." Michael was sitting up fully as Brian climbed onto the bed on his knees, between his thighs. He rubbed Brian's chest as he pressed a kiss to open lips. "Do you think we went overboard?"

" **I** liked it." Brian shrugged one shoulder, breaking open the condom packet.

Michael swiped the circular domed rubber, taking the task of sheathing Brian's erect cock. " _Are_ you my 'boyfriend'?" He tilted his head in interest, wishing to hear Brian's response.

"Well... I'm a 'friend', who is a man. But I suppose we're all 'boys' at heart -- growing from boys to men --"

Michael hooked his hands under Brian's arm pits to place them over his back. He was pulling Brian with him as he lay down. "So... you're my _man_ -friend? That sounds kind of... Frankenstein-ish."

Brian joked by trying to pet Michael's hair with a fake broken hand. " _Pwetty... pwetty_ _ **man**_ _-fwend..._ " He made his voice sound like a freakish monster trying to be gentle.

Michael giggled, arching back to fit Brian to his body, his legs locked around Brian's waist. "I love you..."

"And... I love you."

"How much?"

"This..." Brian quickly thrust in. "... much."

Michael cried out at being filled. " _Oh, God!! Yes!!_ " He sent one arm back to clutch the sheets, the other to hold tight onto Brian. "I'm not sure... how this..." Brian was thrusting as rapidly as Michael was attempting to talk. "... could get... any... sweeter."

"Just wait..."

"Always..." Michael closed his eyes. " _Brian!_ " Brian was hitting his exact spot of pleasure. A couple of times, if the position was right... he could find it, then manipulate it during their coupling. " _Oh... yeah... right... there..._ " He reached both arms above his head, giving his body to Brian.

Ben had been standing back, behind Brian. Not sure he could watch Michael. But... he had wanted to see this being done. So he moved to lay on the bed, on his left side, facing them. He reached out to touch Michael's temple with the back of his hand, threading fingers through the sweaty raven-black locks. He slid closer, feeling the frantic heat radiating off their joining. He bent over Michael's head, hand tight on the top to force Michael to keep his head down. He kissed him on the lips, feeling the freedom and the passion Michael felt being fucked by Brian. Ben took his other hand and moved between Brian and Michael's bodies to grab a hold of Michael's cock, which hadn't been touched all night long.

Brian felt Michael's muscles contract at being stroked. " _Ah! Jesus!_ I'm gonna cum..."

Michael reached to grasp Brian's backside, forcing the pounding to increase in momentum. " _Yes... yes... stay inside me... cum... in me..._ "

Hand on Michael's hair, hand on Michael's cock, Ben shifted a bit more to reach Brian's mouth. He kissed him... as passionately as he had Michael a few seconds ago, maybe more. Brian let loose a fervor he'd never done before, taking Ben's lips as forcibly as he'd do to Michael.

Brian felt the rise in his body, as he arched back, ejaculating inside the condom. Michael flexed his anal walls around his rigid length. "Yes... keep doing that..." He plunged in and out, falling weakly on Michael's chest as Ben disappeared quicker than he arrived. " _Oh... my god..._ " He felt Michael spurt semen between their bodies. He reached down to help ease Michael's heavy orgasm. " _Christ!_ " He was breathing erratically on top of Michael, their bellies meshing, Michael's sperm sticking to them. Brian moved his head back up to kiss Michael, neither man sure if Ben was still in the room.

They kept their mouths open and hovering, sharing breath.

Brian looked next to the lube, by Michael's side, there lay another condom. He looked up to see Ben going for the dish on the nightstand, opening another packet and putting on his own condom. It wasn't that Brian didn't trust Ben... it was just... well, he couldn't take the chance and make a mistake. Not with Michael in his life. He rested his forehead on Michael's brow. "Are you okay?" He soothed Michael's cheek and under his chin.

"Yeah... I think so. I lost my hearing for a minute... my head went woozy... and my eyes kinda blurred. Then I came... feeling you... cumming inside me..." Michael cupped Brian's face. "I'm all better now." He pressed a hard kiss to Brian's lips, tongue licking and lapping sweat.

"Ready for _another_ round?"

"Are you?" Michael soothed the back of his hand over Brian's stubble.

"I, uh... it actually feels pretty good."

“Ssshhh... he must not ever know that.” Michael covered Brian's mouth. "He's already half in lust with you. I'll never be able to get rid of him."

Brian winked, wrenching his face from under Michael's hand. "He can't have me. I'm already taken." He was settling his arms nicely about Michael's body. "I suppose I better pull out of you to put on the other condom... in case I break this one with my Super Sperm."

Michael giggled, grabbing the condom and lube. "Here you go." He kept the lube in order to coat his two fingers. "I used two last time. You want three? I'm never sure..."

"I'm still a little sore... stick with two." Brian reached between their bodies to take off one condom, tie it off. Then swiftly opened the next packet to cover his length again. He had become good at this since Michael was never satiated enough with just one fuck. "Ben's thickness is enough."

" _Shut up!_ " Michael teased, watching Ben walking closer. " _God..._ you have no idea how gorgeous you two look together." He muttered under his breath.

"You just like me playing your 'Bottom' role."

"Well... you like me 'topping'."

"Point taken." Brian worked his eyebrows up and down, then jerked when he felt Michael's finger enter him. "Can you..." He nudged his nose with Michael's face. "... massage me back there? It feels pretty good what you're doing. I'd hate to put a stop to it."

"Look... we're not suddenly advancing up to double penetration..."

"Did I _say_ I wanted Ben _and your fingers_ to get my 'groove' on? I just wanted to--"

Ben patted Brian's hip joint.

Brian looked over his shoulder. "What?"

"Are you two gonna do this all night?"

Michael lifted higher to look over Brian's shoulder at Ben. "You want in on this, Ben... you take the good... with the bad..."

Ben put up his hands. "Okay. All right. I'm only saying... the quicker we get our night over with, the sooner I'll leave you two alone. After all, I'm done asking all my questions."

Michael moved to look at Brian. " _ **All**_ _the questions have been asked? Where was I?_ "

Brian blinked, avoiding eye contact. "Cleaning up the bedroom."

" _That_ 's what you two did while I wasn't looking?"

"Why?" Brian's features were never capable of being convincingly innocent. “What did you _think_ Ben and I had done?”

**~~TBC...**


	32. Chapter 32

 

"You are such an evil. mean. prick..." Michael managed to make his fingers massage at each word. 

"Speaking... of pricks..." Brian smoothly glided into Michael, hitting the "pleasure spot" again.

" _Oh, God! That... felt good!_ " Michael traced his hands up Brian's back to cup around his neck. "You're getting better at that... like a perfect target."

"You've offered me enough chances to try."

"I'm glad you're willing to learn."

"I like the way you teach your lessons to your students."

"This... is like pre-school. Give me twelve-plus years to make you a 'master' degree in Michael Novotny 101." Michael hooked a leg over Brian's hip.

"I promise to be a good pupil and take my discipline well."

"The homework's fun too."

Brian sent a quick look over his shoulder. "Is he there, yet?"

"I think he's waiting for us to shut up."

"No. I think I know what he wants." Brian lifted himself to spread Michael's thighs wider, which caused his anus to open up into the air. He felt a finger... like a thumb... playing at his entrance, pushing in. Brian wasn't slamming into Michael quickly, like the last time. He was slow and deliberate, caressing Michael inside.

Ben pushed his thumb pad in, turning his finger around to work Brian's prostate. Brian's pace picked up speed. Ben liked this backside view of Brian slamming into Michael's ass. He was stroking himself, sliding his thumb out. He reached under to soothe the skin of Brian's scrotal sac, then fondled the oval shapes in loose skin. Brian's pacing was broken, haphazard, but he was fitting deeper and deeper into Michael.

Ben stood facing Brian's rear and bent to kiss a trail from the dip in the lower spine up to the nape. Burying his face in the moistened brown hair, Ben fit his rigid length inside Brian, sinking in and drawing out. He simply wanted Brian's body to get the "feel" of him before he joined the rhythm between Brian and Michael.

Brian plunged once into Michael, then thrust back onto Ben. His body shuddered at the heightened sensation and rose upward, standing on his knees with his feet hooked over the edge of the bed frame.

Michael had hooked an arm about Brian's neck to follow. "I wanna ride your cock..." He whispered these words against Brian's skin, letting them hum.

"Don't let me stop you." Brian wrapped his left arm about Michael's torso, allowing him to bounce up and down. Feeling Michael take over control made Brian lower his upper body onto Michael's chest, as if hugging him upright.

Over Brian's shoulder, Michael grabbed for Ben's hand on Brian's shoulder, he wanted his immediate attention. He was silently telling Ben to follow his lead. It would look as if Ben were fucking Michael, if Brian weren't between them, taking the brunt. Ben nodded his head, in agreement, closely watching as Michael went down on Brian's cock. In that same moment, Ben slammed into Brian.

Brian was more than weakening, he was almost growing limp, drained of any energy. Michael held strong, supporting the back of Brian's head. His arm crossed over the naked back to hold the body close. Brian hid his face in Michael's neck, kissing the exposed throat and collar.

"Michael..." Brian's voice sounded distant and muffled against Michael's chest.

"Yes?" Michael could detect a pitiful sound to Brian's tone. Some hidden emotion was overwhelming Brian. "I'm here..."

" _I love you..._ " Brian groaned as he felt the thickness fill him, then Michael take him. He wanted to thrust but his body simply couldn't do anything but remain still, until he came.

"I know, sweetie..." Michael closed his eyes, knowing this might happen at some point. Vulnerable emotions in overload. This was why he wanted to be with Brian, so Ben wouldn't think anything strange. "I know... love you, too."

"No! I fuckin'... LOVE! You!" Brian had enough strength in him to shake Michael, hoping he would make some sense. He felt Ben hit his "pleasure spot". " _Oh... gawd..._ " With one arm, he reached behind him to latch onto Ben's ass. " _... fuck me... I'm cumming..._ "

Michael shoved down, squeezing his entire body around Brian. "Cum for me, baby." He tucked hands underneath Brian's chin to slide behind his head. He locked his fingers in the hair. "... let me feel you fill me... completely..." He quickened his speed, rolling his hips to fuck his body on Brian. "... make me yours..." For a small set of seconds, he wanted to look at Brian, one more time, arching back onto Ben's chest, able to watch him orgasm.

Ben wrapped an arm about Brian, mid-torso, holding him flush to his chest. As Ben kept sliding in and out, Brian came, spurting every last, explosive drop of semen in the condom. Michael continued to pound away on Brian, feeling his own orgasm swell and ejaculate. Ben came soon after theml, the sensation of Brian's anal walls tightening about his length.

"I--I--I'm dead... I'm dying..." Brian was actually quivering from his release. Michael moved first, using Ben's shoulders as support. They sandwiched Brian between their bodies, calming him down.

Then Michael began to rub his hands along Brian's arms, creating some kind of warmth in Brian's shivering body. He softly chuckled, holding the sides of Brian's head. "You are _not_ dead... or dying." He yanked Brian close to his heart. "I've got you... you're right here... with me."

"We're all dying... in some... way... jus' don' know it..." Brian was beginning to mumble his words, falling forward onto Michael's chest.

Michael raised his eyebrows to Ben. " _Do you know what he's talking about? Was it something in those last two questions?_ " He watched Ben pull out of Brian, getting rid of the used condom.

Brian almost fell off the bed. Ben was there to keep him steady.

Michael realized Brian was too listless to even remove his cock. So he took care of adjusting his body and ridding the flaccid length of the rubber. He tied off the end, handing it off to Ben to dispose of. Michael simply kept holding and rocking Brian.

"No. I don't think so." Ben wanted to get a better look into Brian's eyes, his face. "Is he asleep?"

"Was there a vagina nearby?" Michael tried to joke to make the uncomfortable situation less nerve racking.

“Michael, you are so bad.” Ben found out how heavy Brian really was as he attempted to lift him while laughing. "I suppose when he answered that question, he didn't realize how honest he would be, in the right environment."

Michael gestured for Ben to keep an arm about Brian's exhausted frame. He moved up to the head of the bed, organizing pillows and pulling back sheets. "C'mon..." He patted the soft mattress to lay Brian down on. "... bring him over here" He aligned his body to shape where Brian would be placed. "Lay him close to my body." He watched Ben transfer Brian into carrying him in his arms.

Ben really didn't know what to think of _this_. Just odd that someone as promiscuous as Brian could be so susceptible to any sign of weakness. " _Should we be worried? Is this, like, a medical condition?_ " He gently settled Brian down on his back. There was some room left for Ben to crawl into. As he watched Michael tuck Brian's body to his side, he saw the shake of the head. " _What do we do, then?_ " He stood by the side of the bed, naked and feeling his own orgasm still coursing through him. It amazed him that he could still want Brian, even after having him twice now.

"Uhm..." Michael scratched at his jaw. He rested his arm above Brian's head on the pillow. His lower body was tight about Brian, but the upper portion remained docile. The hands caressed tenderly over the flushed skin. "I've only been petting him... massaging his body. Sometimes I kiss him." He bent pressing soft kisses to the bare skin. "Mostly, I hold him... 'til he wakes up." Wide brown eyes stared down into Brian's peaceful, slumbering face. "He passes out from exhaustion. Just a reactionary shut-down mechanism from his body when he's over-exerted himself. He never knows when it'll happen."

"Has he done this while you two--?"

"Yes... apparently, even Brian Kinney has 'limits'." Michael ran the back of his hand down Brian's cheek. "I don't know exactly what triggers it. Some nights... we've fucked for hours without him fainting. But I think I know why he did tonight." His hand trailed down to rub over Brian's stomach and belly, catching on the bony hip. "The weed, for one. And... he's been so worried about this threesome." The arm that was above Brian's head, brushed through the wet locks. "More worried about _me_..." He nudged his nose on Brian's face. "... more than himself." He quietly sniffled, leaning his brow on Brian's temple.

Ben climbed in under the covers, shuffling his body closer to Brian's. He could feel those visible shakes dwindling down to nil. " _Will he be all right?_ " He didn't know why, but he brought his left hand up to caress Brian's face, brush lightly through the hair.

Michael lifted his head, kissing Brian's forehead and laying his cheek on top. "Yeah. When he finally wakes up, I'll need to make him something to eat."

Ben was about to lift the blankets to go to the kitchen. " _Like what?_ "

"A sandwich..." Michael let one arm rest over Brian's waist, hugging him tight. "... some orange juice..." His smile didn't really reach his eyes, because they were too watchful of Brian. "... he likes the bananas."

Ben really didn't know if he should stay through this. This felt awful personal between Michael and Brian. Not that... invading their bedroom and having sex with Brian wasn't "personal" enough. The guilt was weighing heavy about now. He wanted to get home to Lukas as quickly as possible. " _Should I go?_ " He could feel Michael pulling away from him now. The night was over for him.

"No. Stay. It's okay." Michael reached over to soothe Ben's forearm. "He'll hate that you left without giving him a chance to send you off with his dry humor and wit."

Ben glanced down at Brian, then back up to Michael's glowing face. "He certainly makes you laugh... A LOT." He meant to stress about the laughing in the bedroom. Well... also, pretty much all the damn time they were together.

" _Always has... always will._ " Michael was playing with Brian's hair twisting it and combing it back from the high, pale forehead.

"You two..." Ben shook his head in awe. "I don't know what it is about either of you, but I have never laughed more in my life. I'm a little jealous."

" _ **A LITTLE?**_ " Michael almost choked on his own words.

"Okay... sarcasm... not my strong point. I come off pompous. I'm simply amazed how you two really are with one another. I've been in your life longer than Lukas. By his second week here, he already understood everything about you and Brian."

"Has he been chirping in your ear all this time?" Michael raised his eyebrow in curiosity. "Luke is a pretty straight-forward guy. I knew he was open to a lot of things, but that fact that you're here..." He let his voice trail off in shock.

"Luke... doesn't feel alive unless he can ruffle my feathers."

"He also seems to want to 'pet' them, as well." Michael sent over a friendly smile.

"That... is what shocks me the most."

"What? That he knows you so well and gives you a hard time?"

Ben nodded, laying back on the pillows. "He's relentless, which I thought meant he clearly hated me. That's why I got over him so fast in college. But... I found out quickly how much 'heart' he really had." He shook his head in perplexity of why he didn't simply let go of Michael when it wasn't what he wanted anymore. He still thought Michael was a great guy, but so was Lukas. It was a win/win situation. "He complains about how he thinks he's ruined the lives of those around him. Hung on when he should have let go. He never sees how great he really is."

Michael shook his head in wild wonder. It had always been exactly what he had been telling Ben about Brian. He had to turn away for a bit, closing his eyes. When he returned, he spoke clearly. "So... maybe that's _your_ job."

"Huh?"

"To never let anyone forget how great a man Luke is." Michael's eyes dropped to Brian as he said the words.

"Michael... you're pretty wonderful too. You know that, right?"

"All I care about is my family and friends. Those I love who love me. I don't give a shit about how I look or appear." Michael squeezed Brian's frame tighter to him. "I'd turn my back on the world... for him."

"I believe you would. With no regrets." Ben had an idea. He attempted to recall the last few items off the interview. " _Do you want to be young and beautiful... or rich and smart?_ "

Michael chuckled lightly. "Sounds like a question for Brian. Shit, no. All overrated, if you ask me." He lent his jaw on Brian's head. "No... I'm pleased and content with Brian."

" _Your best years... right in front of you... or back behind you?_ "

"In front of me... and, truthfully, the best is yet to come."

" _Who... was your first love?_ "

Michael looked down at Brian's face, tracing a finger tenderly over the features. "... Brian..."

" _True love... do you think it's real?_ "

"Uh... well... I think there are such things as soul mates. That could be almost similar. Love is such a delicate emotion. I'm not sure _any_ love is true... we all lie at one point or another to the person we claim to love. You can remain true to them about giving away your heart... if that's what 'true love' means. I'll just say... 'no' and tell you that Brian is real enough for me."

" _Are you in love now?_ "

"God, yes!" Michael hefted Brian off the bed into his warm embrace. "More an' more each day."

Ben looked away, picking at the bed linen. " _Marriage... would you, if you could?_ "

"I can't say I haven't thought about it. I've assumed that it was simply not for gay men. For certain people maybe _they_ need the 'ring' or the 'ceremony' to help clarify something they can't see plainly. I'm sure Brian thinks I want it all. House, white picket fence and kids. But really... all I've wanted, or needed, was _him_. Everything else, if it happens, is gravy."

" _Do you want children?_ "

Michael paused, relaxing back amongst the pillows and wall. "For myself? God, I've never seriously--" He then turned to face Ben, directly. "When Brian told me what Lindsay had asked of him, most think I was angry because I was jealous. Linds' fantasies about having a 'piece' of Brian I could never have." He raised one lone eyebrow. "Which is true, to some extent. But the reality became..." The arm about Brian tightened. "... I hated Linds for making Brian trudge up shitty things done to him as a child. I'll never really know _why_ he agreed to 'father' Gus. Something in me wants to say he really wanted to break the cycle of pain. Raise Gus the way Jack never did for him. Even when Brian felt like he _had_ to abandon his son... there was something 'good' in Brian wanting him to thrive. He wants... _needs_ to be better than Jack. To win... to _survive_ , I guess."

"And yourself?" Ben was always interested to know how Michael could wipe away everything of himself and simply think about Brian's welfare. But _not_ be overtaken or obsessed with his emotions. Brian Kinney's own private cheerleader.

Michael rubbed Brian's bare biceps. "Gus is enough." He closed his lips from admitting more.

"Michael... no, he's not..."

"He's a part of Brian I never got to see. I love Gus because of Brian. I see 'him' in everything about that little boy."

"Why? don't you think you could love a child of your own, the same?"

"I know nothing about how to be a father."

"Well... I think Brian would have a different answer." Ben turned on his side to face Michael, straight on, over Brian's form. "No man knows _what_ to do, Michael. And some... are worse than Jack." He kept silent about his own household, having had his own “Jack Kinney” to deal with.

Michael let the comment go, because he knew Ben would never open up to him. Ever. "I just--I'm not sure I'm ready for the huge responsibility."

"That's why you have Brian. To relieve some burdens."

"He shouldn't have to take care of my child."

"He loves you. He'll love your child, Michael. I guarantee it." Ben didn't want to reveal too much, in case Brian wanted to keep this fact secret from Michael. He simply chose to make a point. "What if... Brian _wants_ to?"

Michael let a silly grin slip out as he glanced down into Brian's face. "... yeah, _Brian wanting my child_..." He shook his head in disgareement, but then he remembered their discussion the other night. "He's told me himself he's often thought about it. But reality is so much more different. I don't want to mess up peoples' lives or my own. I already have enough problems, some days."

Ben nodded, taking _that_ as Michael's final answer. " _Are you happy to still be here?_ "

Michael snickered, looking at Ben under his lashes. "Here on Earth or here in bed with Brian sleeping next to me?"

Ben shrugged one shoulder. "Either. You decide."

"Then... I choose Brian. The Earth can wait her turn."

Ben lowered his head to look down at Brian. "Should we wake him at some point?"

"Nah." Michael soothed a hand over Brian's chest, down his left side. "He'll do that on his own.”

Sure enough, Brian made a feline stretch, rolling over toward Michael. His hand came out to clutch Michael's hip under the blankets. He let his body sink into the bare chest, legs tangled with Michael's. "Mmmmm... was I out long?"

"Under ten minutes."

"Hmm... I'm getting better at reviving myself." Brian suddenly drew back slightly. "Did Ben leave?"

"No. He's right behind you." Michael gestured over Brian's shoulder. “In bed with us.”

"Ah. It's why I'm so warm." Brian didn't even turn to acknowledge Ben's presence, he curled about Michael. "I thought it was all you."

“Nope.” Michael caressed Brian's hunched back. "I had help tonight."

Brian pulled away to look at Michael. "Do I really scare you when I do that?"

"Uh... yeah..." Michael cupped Brian's cheek, tracing his jaw line. "If I didn't understand you and your body so well, I'd have a fuckin' complex by now."

"Well... now you know it's not just you. It _is_ just from exhaustion." Brian went back to surrounding his arms about Michael's torso. "I'm glad you stuck around."

"I can't leave the scene of the crime. Who would know what to tell the cops when your cleaning lady finds you?"

"True." Brian sighed against Michael's naked flesh. "Too true."

Ben finally saw a great place to exit on. "Look... it's getting late..." He sat up on the side of the bed, looking back at Michael and Brian.

Michael held Brian tight. "Are you leaving?" He did feel bad for tricking Ben a few times tonight, but he actually didn't mind so much.

"Yes. I think my 'welcome' has worn out."

Brian huffed, mumbling against Michael's chest. " _You men are all alike! You treat me like your 'bitch'... fuck me, then run. I bet you won't even call!_ " He threw that over his shoulder.

Michael waved Ben to walk away, not to egg Brian in his foolishness. "Pay the Drama Queen no mind."

Brian held Michael at a bit of distant to look into his face. " _Did you tell him we were considering making him breakfast? Ingrate. Another Fuck-N-Run. I bet he's scampering off to be with another man._ "

Ben muttered, getting up off the mattress. "You'd be right." His naked backside showing, Ben strolled into the living room where his clothes were. He could still hear Brian and Michael.

" _ **See! I told you, Michael. Men... are scum...**_ " Brian buried his face as if he was ashamed.

" _ **We are men!**_ "

" _ **We are Bottoms!**_ "

" _ **We're still men. And... you are not a Bottom.**_ "

" _ **Am so!**_ "

" _ **Are not!**_ "

" _ **Uhm... did you not see the massive blond fortress of pecks slamming me in the ass... TWICE?**_ "

" _ **Okay... then which one of us is the Top in this relationship?**_ "

" _ **You are.**_ "

" _ **Am not!**_ "

" _ **Are too!**_ "

Ben was putting on his jeans and picking up his button-down shirt when he shook his head. He lost himself in laughter, big smile on his face. It used to annoy him, their weird, childish bantering. Now... it was soothing to him, because he knew where it truly came from... their hearts.

 

No malice, no real anger... just genuine love. 

" _ **I like being a Bottom!**_ "

" _ **So do I!**_ "

" _ **No, you don't, Brian.**_ "

" _ **Yes, I do, Michael. My ass...**_ " Brian was taking Michael's hand to rub over his ass cheeks. " _ **... feels gloriously fucked...**_ "

" _ **That is soooo not a good reason to enjoy being a Bottom."**_

" _ **Why? What would you say?**_ "

Michael shook his head, covering his mouth with two hands. " _ **Never say. Sworn to secrecy. By the Oath of the Bare Bubble Bottom Society. We have a code we never break.**_ "

Brian went to attack Michael's lips, growling under his breath. " _ **I know what you need...**_ "

Michael was lost in giggles, because not only was Brian making him horny... he was ticklish about it. " _ **Brian... get... get off me. You were 'deathly' ill... near death... dying in my arms... only a few short minutes ago...**_ " He was rolling around in the bed, when Brian stopped him and clutched him tight around the arms.

" _ **Wait? What... did you say?**_ "

" _ **Brian... get off me...**_ "

" _ **No. No, after that. The 'thing' in your arms.**_ "

" _ **... dying in your arms? Is that what you mean?**_ "

" _ **Yeah.**_ "

" _ **Brian... wha-?... what's wrong?**_ "

" _ **Nothing.**_ "

" _ **No. Not nothing. Nothing didn't make you turn ten shades of pale.**_ "

" _ **All right. It is something, but... later. Jump into the shower. I'll join you in a few.**_ " Brian swatted Michael's ass as he climbed out of bed. He reached for the robe Ben had discarded and belted his nakedness away.

" _ **Where are you going?**_ "

" _ **To lock up behind Ben.**_ "

" _ **Oh... okay... but you better not make him cry!**_ "

" _ **I can't make any promises!**_ "

The bathroom door shut as Brian stepped down the two stairs into the living room. The water was turned on in five seconds, the water pipes churning.

"Did you hear that?"

Ben found his glasses and put them on. "Yeah. Your loft has great acoustics." He was packing up his satchel now.

"No... what Michael said."

"Yes, I did."

Brian walked up to lean on the back of the couch, one hip hiked up and dangling down. His right foot was flat to the floor. The robe was open, creating shadows over the pale skin. It wasn't difficult to know what was beneath the silk, but nothing could be seen. "You do know... this is it... for you and me? No more seconds. Tomorrow... you're back on my shit list and being 'Benji'."

"Well... the 'love' was fun while it lasted. I realize that." Ben caught his jacket and rolled it over his forearm. “Thank you.”

"Uh... look..." Brian pushed off the couch, padding over to Ben at the entrance to the kitchen. "... I'm not the kind of man who doles out personal advice. I actually think it's better to let mistakes happen and fall on your face, in the process. Or else... how would you ever learn?"

"So... what _are_ you doing?"

"Right now?... making Michael jealous... pissing him off..." Brian smirked, knowing that wasn't the answer Ben was expecting.

"You always know what you're doing."

"Half the time I wing it. I push buttons. I'm just lucky enough that Michael loves me beyond all this... petty stuff."

" _Petty stuff?_ " Ben squinted blue eyes behind his frames. "Like this threesome?"

"No... well, yeah..." Brian put out a hand. "... no, wait..." He really didn't know what he wanted to say. "... no, uh..." Then he just shook his head. "Nope."

"Could you really sacrifice so much for him?" Ben furrowed his brow in curiosity, wondering where exactly Brian Kinney went from here.

"Yes." Brian even nodded his head in self-agreement. "What about you?" He waited for Ben to take his bait, but he remained silent. "I'm thinking... the reason you want to leave is... you _do_ have someone waiting at home, for you, in bed. You're willing to lay down your ego/pride and walk blindly into his arms. With no qualms about what you're leaving behind." He opened his arms wide. "Which would be... **me**..."

"Selfish asshole."

"You know you want me. You still do. It's the same for me. But what's different is... we're stronger than our baser needs, right?"

Ben nodded his head, agreeing. "I love Lukas."

"And I love Michael. Think about the situation with me..."

"How so?"

"I like sex. I like men. I love cock... but... none of it fulfills me more than Michael."

Ben crossed his arms over his chest, smiling ruefully. "Are you trying to give me advice?"

Brian cleared his throat. "I like Lukas. He's a good man. I'm telling you now... _this_..." He gestured between their chests. "... is _**it**_ between you and me. One night only... and you agree to walk away.'

"Don't worry... I wasn't coming back."

"Now who's the selfish asshole?!"

Ben stepped to the steel door, grabbing the handle. "Brian... I get it. You don't have to sledgehammer it into my head. I'm done here. My life is with Lukas now."

Brian shrugged both shoulders, not expecting Ben to get so huffy and grumpy. "I only wanted to be clear with you."

"You were."

"Good... now..." Brian pretty much figured Ben had seen enough of the Brian and Michael Show tonight. "... get the fuck out of here and shut my door."

"Bye, Brian." Ben winked, blowing Brian a kiss as he slid the metal door closed.

**~~TBC...**   



	33. Chapter 33

  
Brian shivered, but not from cold. He was coming down off his "buzz" and realizing what he had managed to do, while somewhat high. He knew if he smoked enough there would be a haze to his inhibitions with Ben. Give him an extra tolerance level. Plus if any of this leaked out, the easiest excuse would be to say, _"Hey, there was good weed, we toked... things got personal, we all fucked. No biggie."_ Brian locked the door, then set the security code. He shut off the few lights on the way to the bedroom. 

He didn't feel any different than he normally did after a great fuck session, but the only things plaguing him now were his head and his heart. His body was doing quite well, except for some soreness and body aches in joints. He peeled off the robe, throwing it on the bed. He made his way to the bathroom door and slid open the paneling. Steam was billowing out from the use of hot water. Brian could see Michael was shampooing his hair at this point.

For a moment, Brian was struck breathless, always startled by how Michael appeared to him now. Not only did his cock swell, but so did his heart. More and more, he was losing that sight of Michael's childhood innocence. The part of Michael that Brian used to keep him away, protecting him. If he could constantly remind himself how fragile Michael was, how he needed to be shielded from so many bad things of the world, then he could keep his distance. Now... Brian wasn't so sure Michael was as good and sweet as he thought. To learn about some of the things Michael did on his own _without_ him, Brian realized he may have taken his best friend for granted. He climbed into the shower, reaching over Michael's head for the soap.

Michael sensed Brian had come in. He rinsed his hair of suds. "Was it relatively painless?"

"What?" Brian had been too lost in his head to reply. 

"The Long Goodbye."

"He's gone, Michael." Brian scrubbed his body down with a soapy washcloth. “Let's leave it at that.”

"You okay?" Michael leaned against the wall, peering closely at Brian. "You seem ticked off."

Brian kept his eyes averted from Michael. He bent to wash his legs, thighs and calves. He came up to end the cleaning with his groin area and semi-hard cock. "I'm a little hurt, mostly weary." His body was a tad exhausted from the threesome. The fainting helped get him some quick sleep. "And it'll be painful to sit down for awhile."

Michael grabbed Brian to turn him around. He rewashed the cloth, re-soaped. He positioned Brian in such a way that the shower head could trickle down the back side of his body. Michael increased the temperature of the water to somewhat scalding, but only because he was helping to soothe Brian's ass. Michael sent the cloth down the crack, letting water in to caress the sore hole. He heard Brian whimper only slightly, reaching out with one hand to latch onto his body. He knew Brian didn't often Bottom, but he understood that once Brian craved something he went near-wild for it. At times, not even considering he might be hurting himself in the process. Especially if it had anything to do with sex, didn't matter who was involved as long as Brian found a satiation point. Michael washed off the cloth, hanging it back on the hook. Then he turned Brian to let the water beat down on his back. "Hey... look at me..." He clasped Brian's chin, his eyes intent with frustration and worry. "Did I force you to do something you didn't want to do?"

“I wanted to.” Brian shook his head, wrapping an arm about Michael's body. "That's what hurts and makes me angry. I didn't become a 'whore' on purpose."

Michael pushed back from Brian, face more than upset. " _Who the fuck called you that? Ben?_ "

"No." Brian caressed Michael's face with his other hand, kissing the frown on the brow. "But I hear things. It's just astounding that there could actually be some truth to the fact."

" _Why do people continue to meddle? Huh?_ " Michael was beyond pissed off now. He used to roll his eyes when Brian would say that old adage of _"It's nobody's business who I fuck, unless I'm fucking them."_. Never had he known that Kinney-ism to be so true. "You are someone who's blatant and honest about sex. Not only that... you have the balls to 'live' out your fantasies, while other people cower and hide, thinking themselves unworthy. People have sexual hang-ups, you don't. _What's wrong with that?_ " He picked up the shampoo bottle and squeezed out some liquid. He began to scrub at Brian's hair. "So you wanted Ben to fuck you." He shrugged one shoulder. "Big deal. I did when I first met him. He's a beautiful man with an equally beautiful body. I couldn't resist him, even knowing about his HIV Poz status."

"But you..." Brian shook his head, eyes downward. "... are _nothing_ like me, Michael." He rinsed his hair by dipping his head backward.

"Wrong." Michael turned off the shower knobs and reached for one of two towels hanging over the glass stall. He tossed one to Brian. "We're more alike than you know." He opened the shower door, stepping out to dry off on the cool tile.

Brian followed, doing the same action. "So, then why do I trick and you don't?'

"I dunno." Michael shrugged, his mind in thinking mode. "Do you really _want_ to know?"

Brian shook his head, chuckling lightly. "Not really, no."

"Yeah..." Michael began to laugh, as well. "... the idea of you in therapy scares me."

Brian folded the towel in half to drape on the shower bar. He held out his hand for Michael's towel. "Why?"

Michael sauntered up to Brian, shaping his frame with his hands. "I don't want anyone else to attempt to figure you out. That's my job. I think I'm not doing too bad."

Brian cupped the side of Michael's face. "I won't, you know?"

"Won't what?" Michael blinked at Brian's intense gaze.

"Go back to anonymous sex. The twinks and tricks. Justin. I can't say the desire or the pull won't be there, but..."

Michael pressed his naked body close, then stood high to kiss Brian hard on the lips. He kept his face on Brian's, nuzzling the skin and stubble. "I'm here now. That's the difference. I can fulfill any fantasy you want. You won't want or need anyone else."

Brian embraced Michael close with both arms secure about his body. "I don't." He let his hands fall to Michael's waist to hold him some distance away. "Not even tonight. I just wanted sex. I didn't care if Ben was here or not. In fact, I actually would've liked..."

" _Lukas..._ " Michael smirked, knowing his companion very well.

Brian's hazel eyes widened, a similar smirk slipping out. "We... are soooo bad."

Michael shook his head. "No. We're gay men with sexual urges. Our mind-set has been trained to think like heteros do about us. We have sex on the brain 24/7... and we can't have normal lives because of it. I don't even know if it is us catering to the Breeder mentality or are we really that way?"

Brian's hands came up to cup both sides of Michael's face, thumbs caressing the skin. "I want you to know this was a ' _one night, one time_ ' thing. Ben was only here out of curiosity. I fulfilled his wish. That's it, we're done. I've been pissed at him for awhile. I never cared what he'd do to me, but you...” He shook his head to bend, leaning on Michael's forehead. “That was the other thing about tonight. Watching you, watch me. I've been a part of many threesomes, never once second guessing myself. But for the first time, I wasn't in the situation as much as I could have been."

Michael grabbed Brian's wrists, his eyes alight with befuddlement. "You're shittin' me, right? Because... fuck if I didn't see a certain side of you that got my rocks off. I was hard simply because I liked seeing you... well, you know..."

"I'm mildly pleased." Brian frowned, bringing Michael in for a hug. "I still hate that you had to witness it. Ben being your ex-boyfriend an' all."

"Next time... I get to choose our threesome partner."

" _There..._ _ **WILL BE NO NEXT TIME**_ _._ "

Michael squeezed Brian tight, then let him go. "Brian, it's okay if there is. Fine, if there isn't. I like sex as much as you do."

"Yes. You've proven that to me plenty of times."

“I want you to know...” Michael put a hand on Brian's chest, soothing the hard muscles. "... I am here. For _whatever_ you need. Even if it's another man."

"There won't be."

"Ah... _never say never_..." Michael turned to walk back into the bedroom, completely nude. He was cleaning up their mess and fixing the bed.

Brian leaned on the doorjamb, watching Michael putter around the room. “Michael...” Didn't even phase him that Michael was naked.

"Hmm...?"

"Promise... whatever I say... not to get weirded out?"

Michael stood from his bending position to stare at Brian. "About _what_?"

"Should anything happen to you... _god forbid_..." Brian put out his palm to squelch Michael's instant worry about the "topic" of discussion. "... I wouldn't abandon you. I'd be by your side through everything."

"Same for me." Michael strolled around the bed frame to head toward Brian. "What brought this on?"

"Talking with a really good friend."

Michael knew who Brian meant, because the only “friend” Brian had was standing right in front of him. "What else did he say?" He moved closer, about an inch or two from Brian.

"He didn't say the words to me _personally_ , but I think I now know what he meant." Brian reached out with both hands to latch onto Michael's hips, drawing him flush with his chest. "You're mine... even upon death." He cupped Michael's face. "I want no one else to hold you. Not even your mother."

"Well... I _did_ stop exclusively being hers when I was fourteen."

Brian lowered his forehead onto Michael's, petting the cheeks. "I don't want to die alone, either. I want to be with you until my last breath is taken."

Michael quickly snagged his arms around Brian. "You told me not to be weirded out, but now I _am_ worried. Do we need to have a serious talk?" He lay his head on Brian's shoulder, tucking his face into the neck.

"Yes, but not tonight. Right now... I simply want to drown in you and sleep in your arms."

"It's not that late. We can get all gorgeous and head on out to Babylon."

"No more audiences." Brian's hands slid down to caress the pliable skin on Michael's ass. “I want you for myself.”

"I'd like that." Michael kissed Brian along his jaw, then pulled away to walk to the closet Brian had opened earlier.

"What are you doing?"

Michael already knew where to look. "I'm getting those three ties you picked out with that fourth one. I want to try something. I think you'll like it." He went over to chose a condom. Opening the packet with his teeth, he sheathed Brian's growing erection. Then he turned Brian around to tie the first tie about his eyes. He made quick work of a second tie around his own eyes. Then with something inbred in him, Michael was able to use the third tie to encircle his right wrist and Brian's left wrist together. The ties were loose, but once their hands lay palm to palm and their fingers interlocked... it didn't matter how tight the knots were.

"Now _what_?" Brian smiled, biting his upper lip.

"I dunno. I just wanted to see how far you'd let me go." Michael moved his body away, knowing Brian would try to tickle or poke him. "I have one last tie... you wanna see if we can manage to loop it around our other wrists?"

"Michael..." Brian sighed heavily, shaking his head.

"Brian... we're both naked... you have a condom on... you do the math."

Brian bent to kiss Michael's lips, blindly, finding he'd hit the right area. It was slightly off-kilter. "I'd rather _do_ you."

" _That_ is what I mean."

Brian lifted his right hand to pick up Michael's left. Though they couldn't tie the wrists together, he still put their joining in the same position. Palms flat, fingers tangled. "This is actually quite interesting." He began to push Michael backward, an inch at a time. He didn't want Michael to suddenly fall and they loose their balance. "I like holding your hand." He wanted to reassure Michael. “I won't let go.”

"Neither will I." The backs of Michael's legs hit the bed frame. He slowly let his body fall, tumbling Brian with him.

“I'm not used to this...” Brian nudged Michael's legs open with his knee. He was steadily growing more and more horny. "I usually hold you in a certain way for balance."

"You still can. That's the point of this... trust, being able to lean on one another for guidance. I'll be here to support you. Just do what you would normally do..."

Brian swallowed with some difficulty, lowering his head to Michael's. He could feel the warm breath on his face. He shared a rough kiss first, then aligned his body to fit Michael. His cock tip poised at the entrance, Brian plunged in. He caught Michael's cries in his mouth.

Their hands held tighter and tighter, losing circulation.

Brian kept a slow, heady pace, Michael thrusts back were drawn out and methodical.

They were in no hurry. After awhile, the tie on their one wrists did loosen and fall away. They never removed their hands. They kept them connected until they both reached their rising orgasms' crescendo. Blindfolds were taken off, eyes alight with love and passion for one another... their rhythm quickened. Their hands roamed and bodies quivered. As they both hit their mutual climaxes each man "died" a little in the other's arms... just like they promised.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Ben entered the apartment, feeling as if he had turned a certain corner in his life. He still found himself "sensing" Brian, almost craving another fuck ( _dammit! Brian_ _ **had**_ _been right!!_ ), but the only difference now was that he could let the fantasy go. It wasn't the only thing driving him anymore.

Hopefully, the man waiting in his bed was.

He dropped the satchel on the seat of a kitchen chair, then placed his jacket around the back rungs. He started undressing on the way toward his bedroom. He undid his cuffs, unbuttoned his shirt and untucked the material from his waistline. He chuckled softly because he had been naked about a half hour ago, seemed pointless to have dressed when he would undress, ten minutes later, to get in bed.

Ben pushed open the bedroom door slowly, finding a huddled form asleep under the covers. Hushed snores were detected through the darkness. Ben slid off his shoes, then his jeans. He placed his dirty clothes on the bench at the end of the bed. He wandered to the empty side, crawling in beside Lukas. Ben would normally leave his underwear on, this time he took them off.

Once he made his way under the covers, Ben shuffled over toward the bodily warmth hidden. He reached up a hand to pull back the comforter and sheets, discovering Lukas facing him and dead asleep. The face was pressed to the pillow, a lone hand tucked beneath a stubbled cheek. Ben brought up his hand to ruffle fingers through the blond curls. He noticed the changes in Lukas' breathing pattern. Ben lowered his head to press a gentle kiss to the forehead, trailing down along the stubble and stopping right at the corner of the opening mouth.

Lukas turned his head to meet Ben's lips and sunk into the luscious mouth invading his dreams. He liked being woken with a kiss, especially from Ben. He could feel the heated erection pressing against his thigh. He placed his hand in between Ben's legs, soothing the naked skin. "So... do I even _need_ to ask?" He did want to know about the threesome, but knowing how horny Ben was... he didn't really care about much else.

"It's not important." Ben yanked the blankets off of Lukas, exposing the rest of the hidden, delectable body. He smoothly rolled over to pin Lukas down. " _ **You**_ _are._ _ **We**_ _are._ " He bent to attack the elongated neck and collar. He liked hearing Lukas groan and growl for him, the slight whimpers of needing his body for relief.

"Mmm... I should send you over to play with them more often." Lukas spread one leg wide, bent at the knee and foot planted on the mattress. "Will you tell me everything later?" He was enjoying the kissing on his chest, the playfulness in and around his nipples. More than anything, he loved the way Ben nuzzled his chest hair, petting it with his fingers.

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

"... over breakfast..."

"... in bed..."

Lukas arched back onto the bed and pillows. " _Jesus!_ Jamie... where did you learn that?" He reached out to grasp Ben's biceps, his grip tight because of his lustful urges.

"I've always known. I think it's time for the Old Ben to make an appearance. He's got some tricks up his sleeve no one's seen in years."

"I've never heard you talk about yourself in the third person. Who are you?" Lukas saw the smirk appear, then shook his head in awe. "I'm not... complaining, in any capacity."

"You're _not_ naked." Ben groaned out, his tone mournful, almost begging.

"Problem?" One dark blond eyebrow rose.

"You usually sleep naked."

"Sorry." Lukas didn't feel that bad about it. "I was being respectful. I didn't know how you'd feel coming back. I didn't want you to think I'd been sitting here... jerking off to my fantasies of you... with them."

"Please... say you did..." Ben rolled his eyes, imagining Lukas stroking himself while picturing him.

"Yeah..." Lukas snickered, sitting up a little to kiss and nudge Ben's face. "I did. In the shower, though. Not the bed."

"Our... bed." Ben kissed Lukas soundly, then traced his tongue and lips down Lukas' chest to end up at his waist. He licked the pubic bone and slid the elastic over Lukas' skin quite effortlessly. The hidden erection sprung forth, flinging back to hit the bare stomach. Ben rid them of the material and went down on Lukas' rigid cock.

" _Jamie... Dear God!_ " Lukas writhed and flailed as he felt the sensation of the hot mouth around his length, then the expert tongue licking and sucking him. "You are moving too fast for me. I just woke up."

"So... did I." Ben meant in an existential sense, of having his eyes widely opened. He went on to stroke Lukas' cock, reaching over to the nightstand for a condom.

"Haven't you fucked enough tonight?" Lukas wouldn't mind the sex, but... well, he didn't know Ben had this kind of "staying power".

Ben smiled, rolling the opened rubber over Lukas' stiffness. He winked, stating exactly what he wanted right this moment.

" _Oh... Fuck!_ " Lukas cried out dramatically, head back on the pillows. His arm came up to bend over his eyes. "I don't think you want to do that."

"Why not?" Ben straddled Lukas' body, sliding up the still frame. He kissed the face, attempting to nudge it to look at him.

Lukas brought both hands down to grab Ben's ass cheeks, spreading them. "You have no idea how much I want this... _want you_. How many nights I've thought about _this very moment_." He began to sit up, raising his torso to match Ben's chest. Ben sat in his lap, an inch or two higher than him.

"Oh..." Ben cupped under Lukas' chin to slide into his curls. "... I think I have _some_ idea." He tugged roughly on the hair, tilting Lukas' head back to kiss him passionately. He pulled back to keep his lips on plump ones. "I need you... I need to feel you _in_ me."

"Jamie... _shit_..." Lukas was trapped, locked between pleasure and pain. The pain wasn't physical pain, but heartache. This was what he had been wanting for so long. Ben at his mercy, craving him and no one else. He watched the muscular body sink down on his hard cock, feeling the anal walls clench his sensitive flesh. " _Oh... uagh... christ... you're so tight..._ " He felt Ben soothe his back, bringing him flush to his chest.

"It's been awhile." Ben rolled his hips, meeting each and every one of Lukas' thrusts.

Lukas held on to Ben, then flipped him over onto his back. He cracked a wide smile as he heard Ben let out a light laugh at the playful roughness. He pulled out only to pound back in. " _God..._ this feels unreal." He wanted Ben to keep touching him, caress with the mere touch of his fingertips.

"I'm very real."

"Better than my dreams."

Ben cupped the sides of Lukas' face, staring up at the darkening green eyes. "I love you..." He kissed the open lips, taking the next breath. "I love you, Luke."

"Wha-?"

"You heard me."

"I--I... yeah, I did, but... what?" Lukas took Ben's wrist in his hands, rubbing down the forearms.

"Brian told me what you said."

"Uh-huh... okay... good."

"I feel the same way." Ben's kisses this time were soft, tender, sliding over the stubble.

"Jamie..." Lukas choked out on a deep emotion of affection. Of feeling the man he loved around him. He could have cried from the sensation.

"If I should get sick, like Danny... I want no one else but you by my side."

" _Damn!_ " Lukas drew in and drew out, quickening his pace. "I was caught in a vulnerable moment. Forgive my sappiness." He knew Ben didn't take any emotion like that or simply that he had never seen Ben be romantic at all.

"No. I needed to hear it." Ben widened his legs, letting Lukas fall in deeper. "You broke through every wall I've put up."

"Uh... I think..." Lukas was slowing down, but then hurriedly slammed Ben when he felt his body reach its climactic pinnacle. " _... oh, jesus..._ I'm gonna cum." He buried his head in Ben's chest. " _Fuck!_ I feel like some horny teenager."

"Cum for me." Ben caressed Lukas' stomach, sliding down into the pubic hair. He moved back up to play with the pert nipples, fingers tangling in the chest hair.

Lukas pulled out, ridding himself of the condom. He grabbed his cock, feeling Ben's hand join his. They stroked his length and jerked him into his orgasm. Lukas spurt his load on Ben's stomach and hip, a little on his thigh. He fell onto Ben's chest, feeling the strong arms embracing him. " _Holy...!_ " He moved to throw himself over on his back, laying beside Ben. His left leg still caught between Ben's thighs. He raised both arms to bend over his head, trying to regulate his breathing and ease his body's euphoria. He hadn't even seen Ben ejaculate. Lukas felt Ben cuddle to his side, one arm secure about his torso and resting his cheek on top of the soft cushion of chest hair. "Your turn... next time." His hand came down to lock onto Ben's nape, slipping to comb through the sweaty locks. He could feel the erection pressing against his skin.

Ben kissed Lukas to silence, confident that _would_ happen. He continued to caress and massage the pliant body under him, calming Lukas. Ben also knew he was somehow rebuilding the passion too.

Lukas reached down to clasp Ben's hardness. " _God!_ I can't go to sleep with this thing poking at me."

"It's okay." Ben nuzzled Lukas' neck. “My body's been through enough tonight.”

"I'm here and awake. I can do this for you." Lukas lifted on to his elbows. "Where do you want me?"

"On your stomach."

"Mmm..." Lukas kissed Ben, keeping his lips hovering. "... that's a good position." He rolled over, reaching for another condom. He transferred it to the other hand to give to Ben. He didn't like the way Ben bowed his head as if in semi-shame. "Hey..."

"Huh?" Ben was opening the packet.

"Look at me." Lukas gently touched Ben's face. When Ben meet his blue eyes with green, Lukas went on. "I didn't say it to Brian to say _something_. I wanted him to know that we weren't different from him. That he had an ally somewhere, someone who knew what he was going through."

"I know. I'm glad you told someone." Ben didn't know why it had to have been Brian, though.

"I, also, didn't tell him to weaken you in his eyes. I was mostly trying to convey that he and Michael may find themselves right where we are. I wanted them to know and be prepared. I'd hate to think of anything... even cancer or HIV... destroying what they have."

"Luke, you have nothing to worry about. They're both too stubborn to be the one who'd let go first." Ben slid over Lukas' body, groin to ass. The rounded curves moved up to meet his hands. He spread the cheeks apart, playing at the sensitive hole. As he used the lubrication to prepare Lukas, Ben bent down to align his chest with the naked back. He kissed the cheek, the nestled his face in the blond curls at the back of Lukas' head. He started off with two fingers, then gradually increased to three.

"I love you... Jamie..."

"Love you, too..." Ben's cock tip was poised over the puckered entrance. He gently eased in, watching Lukas clutch the pillow.

Lukas raised his lower body up to meet Ben's thrust, crying out into the plushness. After some heavy pounding and grunting, he planted his hands on the bed, lifting his torso. "Ugh... Jamie... fuck me..." He felt Ben's knees kick his thighs wider, plunging in at the new, deeper position.

"You feel so good." Ben reached under to splay a hand over Lukas' stomach, willing to stroke him into another orgasm. His lips at Lukas's neck, Lukas leaning into his hair... Ben whispered into the ear. "Baby... cum for me... I wanna see you cum for me..."

" _Keep... fuckin' me!_ " Lukas begged, moving his body upright. " _Don't stop!_ " He whimpered and lay back on Ben's chest. Both of Ben's arms held him tight. Lukas' own hand reach down to jerk on his cock. He began to release his orgasm, semen dripping over his hand. " _Cum in me... don't pull out..._ " He reached around to grab Ben's backside, helping the thrusts.

Ben eventually did ejaculate, but he shot one huge load, then several tiny ones as Lukas used his inner muscles to pump him dry. " _Oh, God! Luke! Fuck!_ " His last climax sent him down, forcing Lukas to collapse on the mattress. Ben still continued to slide in and out, only to make sure he was completely spent. He pulled out before his body went weak. As he exited Lukas body, he heard the muffled obscenities being whispered into the pillows. Ben took off the condom, tieing it off.

When Lukas was finally ready to lift his head, able to talk now, he spoke over his shoulder to Ben. "Jamie... are you sure you don't want to play with Brian and Michael anymore?"

Ben sent his hands under Lukas, arms tight about the muscular chest. He shifted them to lay on their left sides, spooning back to front. "Your turn... next time." He let his hand caress Lukas' hip, soothing down the thick thighs.

"Well... _Holy_... listen to you." Lukas settled his cheek on the same pillow Ben was using. "Changed your tune about Brian, have you? Or are they as great as they seem as a Duo?"

"Luke... go to sleep." Ben nestled his face in Lukas' curls, inhaling the scent of his shampoo.

"Mmm... okay..." Lukas reached down to hold Ben's arms to his chest, shutting his eye lids. He was beyond content at this point, ready to move on in his new life with Ben. He could feel a certain chill enter his body after the warmth was leaving, so he reached down to draw up the blankets and comforter over their bodies. Both men fell asleep in a matter of minutes. Ben first, Lukas listening to Ben breathe into slumber. Lukas was out next, snuggling tighter into Ben's embrace and under the covers.

They would wake up hours later to repeat the same scenario, different positions, but both taking the Top and Bottom roles. It would be Sunday morning when they woke up and they decided that it would be a great day for breakfast in bed... then some more sex...

**~~TBC...**


	34. Chapter 34

 

And that would remain the way their relationship worked... both men strong on the outside, equals. But on the inside, and in their bedroom, they would trade roles, switch with how the other was feeling. They weren't specific in what they liked, they went with what the other wanted. 

But at some point, both men knew... there would come a time when one of their partners would slip and the other would have to step up and become the one who showed his mettle, showed his strength, showed his love for the man he would live or die for.

For that reason alone, Brian stayed in contact with Lukas, keeping informed of what was happening in their life together. Lukas asked the same questions of Brian. Their friendship was awkward from the start. Hard to create the foundation when it began on such a rocky plateau, but they both realized that it was easy to let go of hurt and pain by considering the day after the threesome a new beginning.

Ben had a difficult time with Brian, an even harder time watching Michael flourish in Brian's presence and influence. Michael was silent when Ben was around. Not that he would totally ignore Ben being in the room, but that he wouldn't initiate any conversation that didn't deal with the subject all four men were discussing.

Ben still came to the Diner, enjoying the company and companionship of Ted and Emmett. And then the four of them; Brian, Michael, Ted and Emmett. He even missed Debbie's affection, until he actually walked through the door of her workplace. She would not say one word to him, chomping on her gum and smacking bubbles when he said important details. Like... what he wanted to eat.

Lukas... on the other hand, was warmly received. That's what made Ben happiest. Because what he wanted to know most of all was that if ( _God forbid_ ) he ended up succumbing to HIV and getting sick, sent to the hospital... that Lukas would have a "family". A rag-tag bunch of misfits who would look after him, possibly set him up with another man if Ben passed away.

It took awhile for everyone to learn about Brian and Michael's relationship. They didn't scream it from any mountain tops, nor did they put an announcement in the local fag rag. They simply went about their business. And no one... not even their closest friends, picked up on the change.

Emmett hadn't been home enough to realize what was going on, but he quickly discovered Michael not being around as much to snuggle with on the couch and watch bad, crappy romantic black-n-white movies with when they had nothing to do on a Friday or Saturday night. For a week, he was quiet with Michael, not understanding why he dumped a great guy like Ben for Brian Kinney. But then... he saw it... on a simple night at Babylon.

A newbie Alpha Male was showing some interest in Michael, buying him fruity drinks and sending nothing he wanted down the bar. Michael and Emmett thought it was cute, at first. Brian didn't know what was happening, until he and Michael went to dance on the floor. And the Newbie thought he could join in on the fun.

Michael calmed Brian down, petting the deeply breathing chest. He spoke as sweetly as he could into the Newbie's ear, but the guy didn't get the hint. The Newbie, also, couldn't keep his hands off Michael's body. Brian had enough at one point and punched the guy in the nose. It was so quick, no one saw it until the guy had blood pouring out of one nostril. The club bouncers weren't even notified of a fight breaking out. The Newbie stumbled away, tail between his legs.

Michael simply walked Brian off the floor and back toward the bar. Now... Emmett was privy to the way Michael comforted Brian from his rage, soothing his back, touching his face. He even sent a few kisses to show Brian where his loyalty lay for the evening. Brian sunk into the warm embrace, but he also began to grow horny. His hand came up to caress under Michael's t-shirt hem, sliding the fabric high to mid-chest. He rubbed the tight belly, undoing the jeans and zipper.

Michael bent to whisper in Brian's ear and hazel eyes darted over the bar's counter top. He grabbed a handful of condom packets, pocketing them and threaded his fingers with Michael's right hand. They took off toward the backroom, both confident and side-by-side. Michael wasn't following Brian like a puppy dog. His arm was securely wrapped about Brian's waist.

Emmett sat for almost five minutes, staring at those disappearing backs. That was when he knew Brian was serious about Michael. What had Michael done differently to make Brian give up the chance to fuck other hot beautiful men?

Lukas, Ben and Ted arrived and he wondered who of the three was left in the dark, like him. Ted had been informed a few days ago, letting things sink in. When he learned Brian was in the backroom, he stopped cold. But then Emmett said "with Michael" and Ted was laughing up a storm. Emmett, Lukas and Ben weren't laughing along with him, so he quieted down. _God, it was true!_

The next person to doubt the sincerity of what had gone on... was Debbie. At first, she was angry at everybody. Especially knowing how long Brian and Michael had been together before they ever told _anyone_. She had thought her son could say anything to her, but this detail of moving into Brian's loft had somehow skipped his mind. She thought he was trying to hide it from her. Michael told her, plainly, it wasn't really any of her business where he lived or lay his head. He, technically, still had the apartment, but he didn't sleep there anymore. He was paying rent until Emmett could find a suitable replacement roommate.

She didn't even comprehend how "close" her son and Brian had become. That sex had worked its evil, conniving way into their friendship. She had to face her worst fear now... Brian abandoning Michael or shattering his heart for the very last time. It would take her awhile before she would forgive either of her boys. She wasn't sure what role Lukas or Ben played in this travesty, but... the one thing she didn't expect was Ben breaking Michael's heart just like she was afraid Brian would. That was why she was disgusted with Ben at this point.

By the time Uncle Vic had been told he almost had a heart attack. He tried to organize a semi-celebration party for them... at Woody's. He pretended it was for something _he_ had achieved, but he was simply basking in the glow of love between His Boys. He knew they would be good for each other. That they'd manage to work their relationship out once they became more than friends. He was beyond proud of their strength together, but more in awe when he saw what each boy did for the other when they were alone. They didn't gloat or flaunt themselves, but they sure didn't loosen that protective streak for either of them that they had for years.

Everyone gave them six months to last; they made it to a full year. No one believed, as the months gradually passed after the first year, that Brian would have the stamina to last month-by-month. One day he would up and leave Michael, having had enough. Once three months passed, so did three more. They didn't even think Brian would last another year, the countdown began. By one of the last three months of holidays, in their second year together, people were sure someone would have to console a heartbroken Michael.

At Christmas, two years strong, Brian and Michael were still together and raising Gus along with his Mommies. They were thinking about leaving the loft and moving into a nice neighborhood that would embrace their differences from other hetero couples. They didn't care what they moved into, but it had to be larger than what they had. A house or a home... maybe a townhouse.

Lukas searched out a few houses and larger loft spaces in the development he lived in with Ben. Brian and Michael had taken Lukas' suggestions, investigated the properties and were impressed. But they were finding their choices a little too opulent. Lukas did end up locating a great choice once he knew specifically what each man wanted. He even knew about them thinking about Michael fathering a child with Melanie. Lukas had a good prospect picked out and ready to show them after the first of the year.

By the New Year's Day party, of the beginning of their third year together... people were flabbergasted Brian and Michael had lasted this long and didn't seem to be faltering at all. In fact, they were growing stronger, every day. Brian didn't completely change his character, he simply stopped being promiscuous. He had no reason to stray from Michael. Michael couldn't have been happier.

Lukas let his real estate agent show Brian and Michael the house, separately and then together. Each time they found more and more things to like about the place. What both of them liked was the master bedroom suite, but they would keep that to themselves. They were imagining the different ways they could fuck in all the empty spaces or once the furniture filled the room. Soooo many possibilities.

Brian contacted his landlord, notifying him of the fact he was leaving the loft. A prospective buyer's list had always been in the landlord's drawer for when any of his tenants decided to exit. The only request Brian had was that they didn't sell the loft until they had the house in their hands. That was Michael's suggestion and it was a smart one. Once they had the house, having signed the papers and given over the check to the previous owners, they had two weeks to pack up and leave the loft. They had been packing up anyway, boxes all over the hardwood floors. Most of Brian's furniture was coming with them, with a possibility of upgrading to a bedroom set they both liked. Maybe... they had a sentimental attachment to Brian's low, king-sized bed frame.

With the house filling up and the loft emptying, they were finding it easier to sleep at the house. Certainly after a long day at work for both of them. Brian was thinking of starting up his own advertising firm, leaving Vanguard. Michael had begun to expand his store, probably branching out into a chain. But he had begun to fiddle around with the idea of writing his own comic book. Not anything spectacular, because he couldn't draw worth shit. His ideas were plentiful, he simply didn't have the artistic talent to implement them. Michael had the concept down for his superhero, having a difficult time creating an appealing image. Little did he realize how much Brian would influence his final sketch, practically making the hero an exact replica of Brian's features, while tacking Ben's body shape to the head. The name of the hero kept escaping him, but he knew if he brainstormed with Brian one night, he might be able to come up with something. Brian didn't need to know what he was innocently being involved in. Michael fed off Brian's brilliance.

Then came the day no one expected... Michael had been showering with Brian, helping in the washing portion, only because he felt like it. He discovered the lump on Brian's testicle and immediately knew... they needed to get Brian into a doctor. Sure enough... it was a tumor. Possibly benign, but a slight chance of being metastatic once the biopsy was done. Through it all, Michael stood by Brian's side. Doctor's appointments, the surgery, the chemo and the radiation. He never left Brian to wallow in self-pity or coddle him atrociously like a mother would. Michael demanded no one near Brian except Lukas. And Ben, if he promised to be kind.

In front of Brian and Ben, Michael was a rock. In fact, he was like the whole cliff. He laughed and joked, took care of anything and everything Brian needed. He was beyond supportive and Brian thrived off that love, making sure he survived if only to see Michael the next morning. With Lukas, Michael could cry and asked to be held. He treasured the bond with Lukas he was making, almost feeling like the big strong blond was his brother. He knew there was a possibility Lukas might say some things to Ben, but for some reason he continued to think Lukas knew exactly when to shut up. That Ben didn't need to know everything.

Brian never thought it would be him. But Lukas had warned him that cancer was _in_ his DNA and sure enough it attacked. They were shocked, but more than prepared. They knew Brian wasn't going to die, but they made sure the papers were clear in Brian's Will, as well as in Michael's. Michael didn't treat Brian with kid gloves, he actually was the only one who kicked Brian in the ass when he got down. It was what Brian needed and the only person who could get him out of his depressive states.

Then came the next news... Melanie was pregnant. Michael was dumbfounded. Somehow believing he could never actually create a life that would be a part of him. He wondered if this was what Brian had gone through with Gus. The self-doubts and the worries, wondering if you even knew how to "hold" a tiny, fragile baby much less raise it correctly. This news alone gave Brian the push he needed to stick to his guns and heal himself. If only to last the nine months to see Michael's child. Hold that cuteness to his heart and say his final goodbye, if someone told him it was his time to go.

But he slowly found that with the constant love and support of Michael... life and his general health improved beyond wonders. He was cancer free for six months and looking forward to a longer life with Michael. Lukas was, also, a godsend and he guided Brian through his final steps toward a full recovery. Brian honored the respect Lukas showed him by sort of becoming co-partners in surviving their similar cancer. He went to support group meetings and even attended parties and functions for charity events that gave money to fight testicular cancer, or any cancer in general.

Michael didn't mind the weird bond between Lukas and Brian. He was at a certain point now where he was able to look at Ben with fresh eyes, forgiving but _never_ forgetting. The four men became a double dating nightmare, they even scared their family and friends. It just didn't seem right for all four of them to be laughing and spending time together.

Many began to wonder if they didn't swing, trading off sexual partners when they were alone. Why not. Everyone had _had_ everyone. Except for Lukas. Ben was the only one of the group who had Lukas. And according to Brian and Michael... no one else would. They still joked and teased, taunted Lukas, in private, about bringing him into their bedroom. Lukas took it in stride, even blushed a few times. But oddly... he was finding his life with Ben enough. He didn't feel he had to tap into wild, raunchy fantasies to feel satisfied.

The only person the couples didn't disappoint, or shock, was Uncle Vic. He was moving on from his sister's shadow, breaking out of his own self-imposed prison to find himself a new man and his own apartment with that future boyfriend. He had been three months living with his lover when he died of a sudden heart attack. He went in his sleep, laying by his partner's side. Vic's lover was initially devastated, not able to wake Vic the next morning. But what kept him sane and able to move on was knowing, above everything, Vic had survived HIV. It wasn't _what_ killed him. Just a faulty ticker.

The doctors tried to comfort the family by saying it was over quick, Vic hadn't suffered. But they were suffering in the aftermath. It was a seriously dark day on Liberty Avenue. In the Liberty Diner, in Babylon and even in Woody's. The AIDs hospice Vic volunteered at was lost. Vic had done so much for them. His "contacts" had brought them so much money they could actually think about buying more property for their shelters and assisted living facilities.

What no one knew was that the Drag Queens Vic had befriended through the years put together a small celebration and parade to honor Vic's survival, not only for himself but for others like him with HIV. Some of them took it upon themselves to replace Vic in everything that he did for HIV and AIDs patients and their survivors. They vowed to keep Vic's spirit alive in making sure no one would forget the forgotten ones who used to grace the walks of Liberty Avenue in Vic's hay-day.

One regret Michael had was Vic not being here for the birth of his child. But he knew his uncle would be watching from above, making sure his son or daughter made it through, safe and healthy. Brian and Michael left Pittsburgh for a week, following all the hubbub about Vic's death. They needed time alone, time to do their own private grieving. They were only going to visit Vic's old stomping grounds up in New York City.

As the word spread on the street of Vic's passing, there was another impromptu party in the works. Brian spearheaded it, offering up the cash needed to make the party what it should be... for Vic. Though their spirits had been low as they left The Pitts to arrive in New York City, when Brian and Michael returned home... they seemed to be revived. Able to let go of Vic not being present but keeping his memory close by.

Vic was honored by having the first of many hospice homes named after him. Brian and Michael were at the unveilings and could almost see that maybe the prospect of their future as gay men wasn't quite so bleak. In little ways, society was embracing them. There was still "good" out there as long as they simply lived their lives and tried not to rock the boat too often.

They thought they couldn't have more tragedy hit them or another great celebration to party to... but even when it was quiet, they were suspicious. When things were going swell and everyone was happy, they still wondered when the next "ball" would drop.

And one did... _one right after the other_... sending shock waves through the melded together family that continued to grow as the years went on.

Ben and Lukas were planning on their winter vacation to start early, so they made arrangements for their annual trip to Hawaii. Flight arrangements and packing up their house for a month. Lukas still kept a home out there on Maui. Ben had gone twice now, loved the quiet and tranquility of living on the beach. And certainly enjoyed watching Lukas surf again.

Michael was fixing up one of the smaller bedrooms to be the baby's nursery. It wasn't too far from the bedroom he shared with Brian. It was perfect for the child to grow up in. Emmett helped with the design, trying to develop a unisex motif, since Melanie didn't want to know the sex of the baby until its birth. Michael had tried to bribe Melanie's obstetrician, but... always lost the battle within himself because he simply wanted to _love_ his child. He didn't want to be disappointed what sex it would come out as. He wouldn't mind either, but Brian knew Michael craved a daughter... as did he.

And thus came the day no one would forget... only because it began like every other normal day in any of their lives. Then some time during the hours of peace, someone though it needed to be turned upside down... in the worst way possible...

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

  
The morning had started off great. Everyone showing up at the Diner on time. Melanie and Lindsay had called to say they were running a tad behind, but they would be there, with Gus. It really didn't matter which of the couples paired off, everyone got to sit with one another at least once or twice a week. 

Some days Luke and Ben, with Brian and Michael, would get their own booth and Ted and Emmett would sit at the counter. Sometimes Lukas would sit with Michael or Brian, Ben sitting with Ted and Emmett or vice versa. Sometimes the couples would split and decide over who got Emmett or Ted. Emmett always got picked first, Ted didn't mind as long as he had place to sit and eat.

Today, oddly, they were able to get seated quickly, but there was only one booth. So they would try to work it out that all six of them got in, until the girls showed up. Brian plastered himself to the wall, nearly drawing Michael to sit in his lap. There was enough room for any of the other guys to sit if they wanted, next to Michael, quite comfortably. If they couldn't all squeeze in, the offer was made for someone to sit in a chair at the end of the table.

They decided the one sitting next to Michael should be Ben or Lukas. Only because Ben and Lukas sitting together, with their huge muscular forms, took up a whole bench. If they refused to be split up, someone would have to sit at the end of the table, getting bumped and poked by the Diner's never ending bustle of activity.

So seating became as follows : Brian, Michael and Lukas with Emmett, Ben and Ted on the other side.

Debbie wandered over, eyes alight with her usual peppiness, but hiding her emotions. "What can I get you lovely boys to drink?"

 ** Brian  ** : Coffee, caf. 

** Michael  ** : Large orange juice. 

** Lukas  ** : Tomato juice. 

** Ted  ** : Coffee, decaf... small cranberry juice. 

** Ben  ** : Water, no ice. 

** Emmett  ** : Large orange juice and a chocolate milkshake. 

Debbie looked at Emmett under her lashes. "You _serious_?"

"Yes." Emmett smiled sweetly, dancing in his seat.

"You don't want it 'To Go'?"

"I want it with my breakfast."

"Why?"

" 'Cause I do." Emmett left it at that, realizing what a strange request he might have made.

"Okay... comin' right up. You guys ready to order."

Lukas blinked at Ben, watching him look down at the menu as if solving the world's most difficult math problem. He was even reading the words to himself, his lips moving but no sound. Lukas put a gentle hand on Debbie's arm. "Give us a few minutes, huh?"

"Uh..." Debbie almost melted in her worn Keds. "... sure." She walked away to prepare their drinks. Damn that Lukas had some gorgeous green eyes.

Lukas turned to look across at Ben. "Water, Jamie?"

Ben lifted his blue eyes over the frames of his glasses. "I still feel a little queasy. No biggie." He shrugged one shoulder.

"You barely ate any dinner last night." Lukas folded his arms, determined to work this out with Ben along with everyone else paying attention.

Emmett became a little spooked, hoping Ben wouldn't hurl on him or the table. "You all right, sweetie." He could see a slight sheen to Ben's skin. He went to touch the back of his hand to Ben's temple, he felt the immediate warmth. "I don't know why I do _this_." He took his hand away. "Like it'll work. I can never tell if I'm the warm one or the person I'm touching is."

No one said a word, so Brian jumped right in. "Stick your finger up his..."

Michael elbowed Brian.

"Ow! What? Armpit? You didn't let me finish. What did you think I was about to say?"

"Plenty. And none of it good." Michael looked across to Ben. He was attempting to see if he could notice any signs familiar to him from when Vic had gotten sick. "Did they change his medicines?" He asked Lukas over his shoulder.

"Yeah. They have a new drug that's had great results. He's been fine for awhile. In fact, more than fine. But in the last couple of days..." Lukas shook his head, not sure he liked the way this sounded. "... he's not been eating well."

Michael glanced back over to Ben. "Maybe you should call in sick. Stop taking the pill. See what happens. Rest today. There's always tomorrow."

"And thank you... Hallmark..." Ted managed to speak out sarcastically.

"Lay off, Theodore. Get laid." Brian barked over at Ted.

"Get bent, Kinney."

Lukas smiled slightly, getting used to Brian and Ted's "love messages" they sent to one another. "Michael's right. Come back home with me. We'll make an appointment with your doctor, but for now... we'll stop that medication. And we can spend the day lazy in bed."

Emmett and Ted swallowed hard at the image of Ben and Lukas fucking in their own bed. Either man put themselves in between them. Emmett was always a part of the action, Ted made himself sit in a chair and watch.

Michael settled back against Brian's chest, hand on the bulging thigh at his side. Brian lowered his head, kissing Michael's hair. His hand covered the top of Michael's hand on his trouser leg. They were reminded that they had made an important appointment for themselves at 11:30am. It would probably last no more than an hour, but each man was excited about the planned moment. These kind of sessions for them had become a ritual of theirs, over the years, to spice up their relationship. Like it needed the "lift".

Debbie wandered over with the tray of beverages, serving everyone fairly. Although she had a tricky eye on Ben. "Boys ready to order now?" She wrote everything down on two slips, knowing at the end of the meal one or two of the men would pay the total. She noticed something odd about Ben for only a second or two. "You okay there, sweetie?" She wasn't truly evil, just careful about the man who had broken her son's heart.

Ben had no idea who Debbie was talking to, simply basking in the safety net of Ted and Emmett blocking the reaching point of a good swat or something from Debbie's hand. "Oh... uh, yeah... fine." He took a sip of his water, hoping she hadn't laced it with some arsenic or spit in it. He smiled as he swallowed the chilled liquid, felt good going down his scratchy throat.

Debbie growled under her gum chewing, knowing that even if she tried to be nice it would come off as nasty. She walked off to the Chef's window, sticking the papers in the spindle's hooks. " _ **ORDERs UP!!**_ " She rang the bell on the counter to alert the cook.

The bell above the door jangled. Lindsay and an almost nine month pregnant Melanie wobbled in. Gus stood in between them, Lindsay holding his hand. They were waiting to be seated in a booth.

Michael immediately sprung into action, pushing for Lukas to get out of the booth so he could get out. "C'mon! C'mon! I wanna feel my baby!"

Lukas chuckled as Michael nearly climbed over top of him. He cupped Michael's backside to keep him balanced as he set him down, safely, on the linoleum.

" _Christ! He's like a little kid himself!_ " Emmett snickered as he watched Michael approach Melanie.

"Leave him be, Em." Brian stirred his coffee, his eyes intent on Michael. "He's allowed.

" _Grumble, mumble, grumble_... big meanie." Emmett mimicked showing Brian what he sounded like to his ears, sometimes.

Gus was overly shy, but excited to see Michael. But he was even more happy to see his father's face in the distance. Michael kissed Gus' rosy cheek, whispering some words that made his belly giggle. He then put the little boy down to race off for Brian.

Lukas caught Gus and hefted the body rocket over to his father. He'd been able to spend some time with Gus and Brian, getting to know the little boy.

The tiny arms wrapped around Brian's neck, snuggling the exact spot Michael had vacated.

Brian looked over at Michael as he hugged Lindsay then Melanie... keeping the curve of his hand flat on the belly. There was a solid kick that caused Michael to shake his head in wonder, that mysterious grin crossing his face of actually knowing what might lay in Melanie's uterus.

" _Fuckin' amazing!_ " Michael exclaimed in sheer joy and shock. He could never quite get over this natural progression of life. That one tiny speck of "him" had actual found its way into making a life, _another human being_. Sure made him think heavily about jacking off these days or even having an orgasm. He knew he had millions, but... what a waste of some great semen.

Emmett turned back to face Brian. "When's the due date again?"

Brian flicked his eyes at Emmett, hating to be distracted from watching Michael. He let Gus play with the hand Michael had abandoned on his thigh. "Uhm... not for another three weeks."

"What? You're shit--..." Emmett smiled down at Gus' wide brown/green eyes. "Sorry, honey. Man, she looks like she's about to burst."

Ted doctored his decaf with sugars and cream. "It's the way she's carrying the fetus. Girls are higher, boys are lower. Think that's a sign of society."

Brian and Lukas shared a "look" between them at Ted's overwhelming wealth of impertinent information.

Emmett almost choked on his milkshake. "Excuse me?" He offered some to Ben, who shook his head.

Ben realized he wasn't going to participate in this conversation about female pregnancy, so he leaned back on the cushion and let Ted and Emmett go at one another.

"When they sit in the womb... _the uterus_... baby girls are higher than boys. Old Wives Tale."

"Now we know why you know, Teddy." Brian taunted with a big grin.

"Ha-ha." Emmett chuckled, then discovered how not amused Ted was. " _Oh... wow... no way!_ Thanks, Ted. Learn something new every day." He let what was said sink in. "So... what you're basically saying is... it's a 'girl'. Because it looks like Melanie stuffed a basketball up her..."

Ben almost spit out his water. Lukas and Brian went to cover Gus' innocent and delicate ears.

Lukas shook his head. "Ted, don't answer him."

"Why not?"

"They want the sex unknown until the actual birth." Brian exclaimed playing with Gus' hair to keep his hands close by in case of another outburst of obscene words.

"Oh... but... Michael's all the way over there. So is Melanie."

Everyone gestured toward Gus, who was oblivious, but probably closely listening to every word.

"Ah. I see." Ted nodded his head. "I could be wrong too. That's happened before. The closest I've come to pregnancy and the womb is... well, my own birth. And, uh... Health class."

"They brought a womb into your school?" Emmett stared wide-eyed in perplexity.

Ted waved away Emmett's fright of thinking there had been chopped up pregnant cadavers in his Health class. "No. Completely plastic. Like those half-sie mannequins they use in the underwear department. It came in pieces once you split her apart. All her organs could come out as well as her little baby. No more bigger than a Barbie doll."

"You've led such a tragic life, Ted." Ben patted Ted's shoulder in sympathy.

"Yeah... it's amazing you can walk upright." Brian teased Ted as he and Lukas couldn't stop chuckling at Emmett's traumatized face.

As a generalized round of laughter circled the table, Debbie made her way over toward Lindsay and Melanie. The proud, soon-to-be grandmother. While Lindsay greeted Debbie, she moved toward the vacant booth. Melanie stayed behind having been "trapped" into a conversation with Debbie. She was listening intently, nodding her head and attempting to answer questions without telling Debbie to mind her business. What Melanie didn't expect was Michael wrapping an arm about her shoulder, willing to protect the mother of his child. He knew how Debbie could get. He even managed to remind Debbie that she still had customers to feed.

Ted decided to journey on over to sit with the Girls. Ben scooted along the bench, bumping hips with Michael who had taken a quick seat. He helped slide Melanie into her booth.

"Ooops... I'm sorry." Ben apologized, smiling and dipping his head.

"Nah. It's cool." Michael shook his head. "I won't be here for long." He let his eyes flick over to Brian's, catching the hazel gaze quickly. They could almost communicate just by their eyes alone now. "I'm gonna give some time to Gus."

Ben could sense the tension in Michael's voice and body. He raised his eyes to Lukas, secretly asking him to ask Michael a question.

"You okay, Michael?" Lukas did seem to see the tightness about Michael's lips, the frantic wide-eyed look to his brown gaze.

 

**~~TBC...**


	35. Chapter 35

 

Michael glanced at Lukas, smiling. "Yeah. Why?" 

Ben could notice it himself. "You're smiling, but it's not reaching your eyes."

Brian became alert, his interest in Gus waning only because Michael didn't look so well. He hid his interest behind Gus' head, leaning forward on the silky hair.

"Look..." Michael put out a hand, making sure his mother wasn't around. "... don't tell Ma, but Melanie had some spotting of blood last night." Some at the booth frowned, not sure what Michael meant. Then... _DUH_... realizing she was carrying another human being inside her body would account for something happening. "Nothing major, mind you. Their doctor wasn't even worried when they called him."

"Oh, _jesus._.. sweetie..." Emmett put a hand to his chest. "Will you be all right? Do you want some company at work today? I can bring you--"

"No, Em. Thanks for the offer. I'm good." Michael stared down at the floor, his mind wandering. "Just... everything's been great up to this point." He let his eyes flow about the faces in the booth, stopping on Brian. "I don't want anyone or anything to ruin this momentum."

Ben shut his eyes, knowing he had been a little envious of Michael since learning of this baby. He surely would never wish this kind of grief on Michael. He brought up his arm to encircle hunched back. "Things are fine. Like you said, she's been in perfect health up until now."

Michael didn't say anything, only patted Ben's hand.

"The baby is most likely getting restless." Lukas reached up to take Michael's hand on the table's surface, covering the pale skin. "If you do find yourself, at work, needing someone to talk to... _call me_."

Michael smirked at Lukas, tightening their hands.

Then Emmett reached over to lay his own hand on top. "Me too, honey. You got me on speed dial."

"Thanks, guys." Michael was overwhelmed with the affection, but had eyes _only_ for Brian. "I'll be fine."

Brian leaned down to speak into Gus' ear. Gus smiled, scrambling back over Lukas. He ran to sit with his Mommies and Ted. And to eat some delicious breakfast.

Lukas stood, already knowing Michael wanted back in with Brian.

Michael noticed that Brian had one arm up on the bench, the other down his leg. His arms were open wide for Michael to crawl into, which he did. Brian let one arm hold Michael close, the other came around to soothe the back of his head. Michael buried his face in Brian's neck, being consoled quietly. Brian privately bent his head to whisper words into Michael's ear, making him sigh, choke or chuckle.

Everyone kept a keen eye out for Debbie.

" _Here she comes..._ " Emmett exclaimed between his pinched lips.

Michael kept his head lowered, wiping away his quickly falling tears. Brian saved him by tickling him mercilessly with no warning.

"Tell me..." Brian loved it when Michael tucked his face into his chest and giggled. "I won't stop until you do."

" _No! Brian! Now! Stop!... you know... I... whoa!_ " Michael knew what Brian was doing, so he played along. "Hey, Ma." He waved at her as he wiped his laughing eyes filled with tears using his napkin. She was serving him his plate of buttermilk pancakes.

"Haven't you two had _enough_ of each other?" Debbie couldn't say whether she was happy or sad to see Brian and Michael act so openly like two horny schoolboys. One thing she knew... _she was envious_. She'd never known it was possible for Brian Kinney to be the perfect boyfriend for Michael. _Dare she say it..._ _better than David or Ben?_ He certainly lasted longer than either of them. Even if she still thought Brian was no good for her son, she could "see" that Michael was a great influence on Brian. For Vic's sake, Debbie would hold strong, supporting whatever Michael's heart desired. After all, her son was giving her the grandbaby she always dreamed of.

"Uhm..." Brian stared at the ceiling as his hand traveled between Michael's thighs, up to his groin.

"Can I get back to you, on that, at a later date?" Michael asked of his mother as he dug into his breakfast. He was giving half his food to Brian.

Debbie finished serving everyone else at the table, walking off in a little huff.

Brian bent to speak into Michael's ear. "Why don't we blow off today, huh?" He let his head lean into the sweet-smelling black hair, nuzzling the ear. "I can call Cynthia and set back my meetings for tomorrow... or whenever. You haven't closed the store for a useless personal day in a year." He kissed the shell of the ear. "We can make our 'nooner'... a nine-er... a ten-er and an eleven-er..."

Michael turned his head, catching Brian's lips in a solid kiss, lingering only because he wanted Brian to know how _touched_ he was by the offer. "Brian, really. I'm fine. Work will distract me until I see you again at 11:30." He playfully bit at Brian's nose. "Just... prepare yourself for some dirty, filthy sex."

Brian let Michael go back to eating, but slid his head to nudge the nape of Michael's neck. "I can't wait. I felt you holding back this morning. I'm assuming you've got tricks up your sleeve for me this afternoon." The way Michael snickered, then blushed, told Brian that was exactly Michael's plan. "I hope my early morning meeting doesn't run over. I'd hate to piss you off if I'm late to our 'appointment'."

"I'll keep that four-headed dildo handy to threaten you with." Michael teased, rubbing Brian's smooth cheek.

Emmett stared in fascination. "They make a four-headed dildo?" He was trapped in wild wide-eyed wonder. His mind trying to figure out if he even knew four hot gorgeous guys to use it with.

“No. I don't think so.” Michael chuckled, shaking his head. "I think this was a joke. It looks like someone took a double-headed dildo and superglued single ones on. They did some good workmanship, but I'm not sure it would hold in all that, uh, action... it requires."

"Can I... still see it...?" Emmett's mouth was watering for more than food now. His hand literally shaking at the idea of FOUR dildos.

Ben, Lukas and Brian could see the cog-wheels of Emmett's nasty little mind turn and turn over every thing he could do with FOUR dildos. The snickering began, but attempted to be covered by eating or drinking.

"You can have it, if you want." Michael patted Emmett's hand on the table. "It's not something Brian or I use together or separate. We won't miss it if you want it for yourself. Just... don't give it back to me, if it actually works."

Emmett was unusually quiet, but the table soon began dissolving into laughter, which didn't sit well with Debbie. She thought she had missed out on something pretty funny.

No one had the heart to tell her what had been discussed.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

When it came time to pay for the bill, Ben picked up the slips. He was sitting at the counter, end stool, waiting on Debbie. He knew it might be awhile. She had passed him about five times already.

Michael found an opportunity to approach. "What's the class schedule look like today?"

Ben swung the stool around to face Michael, staring in shock. Not only was he stunned Michael was talking to him, but that he began the conversation on his own. This... was a rare thing. "Luckily, not as heavy as last week. I'm breaking in a new teaching assistant."

Michael's eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Really? They finally have enough in the budget to do that for you? You told me it would be ages before they did something like that."

"I have this sinking feeling they're kissing my ass." Ben smirked, looking down at his hands. "Make amends for trying to fire me."

"Well, gosh..." Michael rolled his eyes. "... they're finally recognizing the prestige your paper brought them."

Ben lifted his eyes back to Michael's silly grinning features. "You are gonna 'milk' that with me for all it's worth, huh?"

"Yes. I'm afraid so." Michael nodded his head, shrugging. "I've always known someone would find Brian's life a fascinating read." He also knew Ben had tried to send off a new manuscript. "How are the publishers taking the rewrites?"

Ben shook his head in sadness. "Every day it starts not looking like the story I began to write. The main character looks more and more PG-13 the longer this takes."

"Figures." Michael mumbled, shuffling his feet. "Look... I know I haven't been very fair to you. Maybe you feel like I'm _still_ angry, but I'm _not_. I actually do see some good that came out of what you did. Not only that, but for my first... and, apparently ( _I've been warned_ ), my only... threesome, I have to say I was glad for the experience. More than anything, _I'm glad it was you_." He blinked brown eyes and blushed. "Sorry. That was my awkward apology. Brian's been after me for awhile to bury whatever I think keeps us from being more 'friendly' with one another."

"Michael... _seriously_ , it's never been your place or your duty to apologize. I will take it because I've learned a lot over these three years that just--" Ben's blue gaze traveled beyond Michael toward Lukas.

Michael followed the gaze only because Brian was standing with Lukas, both men laughing and talking with no qualms or hang-ups. He twisted back to face Ben. He envied that easy friendship, wishing he could let go of some things to be like that with Ben. He always felt so guilty, but then so pissed off too, when he thought for too long.

"I, uh... will never take what I have for granted." Ben crossed his arms over his chest, bowing his head. "For the first time in years, I'm thinking about someone else's welfare, not just my own. It becomes second nature to think about Luke. Like I've done this all my life. Finally turning down the volume in my head and listening to my heart.

"We may not always get what we want, but sometimes... we get what we need."

Ben chuckled, scratching at his nose. Leave it to Michael to break the awkwardness by saying something profoundly silly. "Ah... Mick Jagger... The Stones... good choice..." He reached out to clasp Michael's arm. "Mel is gonna be fine, Michael." He dipped his head when he saw Michael close his eyes. "Think about what you two went through to get here. See how far you _have_ come. There's no way in Hell it's gonna get worse. Not. Possible."

Michael opened his eyes, sighing deeply. "Thank you." He covered Ben's hand, squeezing the flesh. He wished he could drop whatever held him back from hugging Ben. Normally, he would've instinctively done this... but not now. "Don't over-exert yourself today. Let that assistant do their job. You can still be at work and relax."

"Okay, Michael." Ben swiveled the stool seat to find Debbie hanging off the edge of the counter, near the register. He was about to make some remark, but thought better of it. He smiled, a bit pinched. "Here. Keep the change." He swung around to walk away toward Lukas.

Michael had been staring at his mother while she rang up the cash register. "Ma, you could try being a little more civil."

"I let him in the Diner. He should be happy with _that_." Debbie slammed the drawer shut. "He broke your heart. You should be as mad as I am."

"I was. It's been almost three years. I'm still standing. I haven't died. In fact, I've never felt more loved and alive in all my life."

"Well... I just..." Leave it to Michael to say something like Vic would, knocking Debbie off her feet. "I thought he'd be perfect for you. Different than David." She shook her head, wiping her hand on the towel at her apron strings. “That he'd be the one to make you happy.” It bothered her, even now, to think it was the Kinney kid who could do that for her son.

"You're pissed because it turned out to _be_ Brian all this time."

"Don't gloat. It's unbecoming."

Michael took Ben's stool at the counter, grabbing his mother's hand. "Look, Ma... with everything that's happened to us, over the years... wouldn't you assume that life is too short to keep being angry? Especially over something you couldn't control?"

"Baby..." Debbie soothed her thumb over Michael's skin. "... he not only 'dazzled' you, he 'romanced' me. I had a hard enough time accepting him in your life with his HIV and all."

"And shouldn't that be the very reason you let _bygones be bygones_? Our experiences with Uncle Vic prove that time is precious."

" _Shit..._ " Debbie hung her head in shame, reaching up to caress Michael's cheek. "... you had to go and play your 'trump' card. I already have enough regrets with Vic... _may he rest in peace_..." She made the sign of the cross in her body.

"It'll be difficult, I know. Ben isn't as close to you as Vic was. But one thing I've had to get over is myself. My own heartache. If only to realize in the scope of things my pain will never match the suffering Ben will go through or his loved ones when his time comes. I had Ben in my life for the time I did, I learned from it. Aside from my hurt, a part of me still cares about him. One day Ben won't be there. It's not a day I'm looking forward to. I can't let my frustrations consume me to leave me with nothing but _What Ifs_ and _Should Have Beens_." Michael picked up both his mother's hands. "More than anything, without knowing, Ben reintroduced Brian and I. Making us fully realize how much we _did_ love one another and no one else was enough for us."

"I know, but what a shitty way to go about it. As if writing a paper... _that silly thesis_... would explain not only the Kinney Mystique, but help all of mankind." Debbie would never understand what had truly happened.

Michael had only let his mother know half the story. She knew about the paper, but nothing else. "That silly paper, Ma... allowed Ben to keep his job, maintaining his tenure at Carnegie and _more importantly_... let him keep the health insurance that will help him when he needs it most."

"Always so practical now." Debbie cupped Michael's cheek. "Knowing you're becoming a father has certainly matured you more than I ever thought."

"Thanks, Ma." Michael sunk his face into the mild touch. He was so used to the rough hand of his mother's slaps and swats, this kind of caress was rare. Things had changed since Vic's passing and Debbie realized how smaller her family was getting if she didn't reach out to embrace more people. He leaned over to kiss her, then walked back over to Brian.

Debbie watched the interaction between her son and Brian. The way the bodies stood by one another, slightly leaning in for comfort. The way Michael allowed Brian to talk and say the more interesting comments, then would look up at those hazel eyes and laugh with everyone else. The way Brian didn't simply drop his arm over Michael's shoulder anymore. There was sometimes a soft rub to the back, on down to the lumbar spine. Or a strong arm curved down to the waist to hold him close. The one move he did the most was the grip of Michael's nape, flicking his fingers through the shaved locks. He would often sooth the back of his hand down the side of Michael's neck too. Then he'd press his forehead to the soft dark hair. Not the touches of a "best friend" anymore. Because now they showed _possession_.

The cook re-rang the bell to signify that food was ready to be served to a particular table.

Debbie collected herself, knowing she had four more hours left on her shift to go. Then she could blissfully sleep in her bed at home or watch some soaps with her feet up. " _Comin'! I'm comin'!_ " She heard the bell jangle above the door, showing that people were exiting. She had been about to go say something to Ben before he left, but when she turned around with the plates in her hands she found he was gone.

Well, hopefully he would show here tomorrow, then she could start off the new day right.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

It was going on 12:15pm. Brian and Michael were laying on their backs on the mutually compromised mossy green suede couch in their home's spacious living room. They were on opposite ends of the cushions. Brian was naked, Michael was in his jeans. They were sharing a throw over their legs and bare feet, both tangled under the material.

They'd gotten in the driveway at 11:32pm. They hadn't even walked through the front door, unable to stop touching one another in some fashion. Their neighbors were used to this scenario by now. They were like children once they got to the doorway, Michael digging for his keys. It had always proved interesting to try fitting the key in the lock, when Brian was trying to leave hickeys on Michael's nape.

Once the door was open and the world shut out upon closing, the clothes came off and the men were frantic for each other. They had perfected the backward walk toward the bedroom, while stripping themselves and one another. They would always feel like stopping a few times, along the way, to fuck quickly. But they knew it wouldn't take much else to make either of them cum, and they liked their bedroom more. And their massive king-sized bed. Once on the mattress, Brian on top and Michael on his back, they didn't stop touching each other's naked skin. They never stopped long enough to talk, just kissed, caressed and fucked for a half-hour or more. They chatted for a little once they were fully pleasured, probably having orgasmed more than two or three times, but soon they would both be asleep.

Not today. Brian feel asleep in Michael's arms. Michael lay awake for five minutes, then became thirsty. He vacated the bed, putting on the jeans he found down the long hallway, no underwear. Michael was in the kitchen, looking for something to drink as he climbed onto the couch. He'd left his comic book concept notebook on the coffee table to "doodle" ideas in whenever he sat with Brian in the living room. There was no telling what kinds of interesting notes he could jot down at a moment's notice. He was sitting forward on the cushions, pencil in his mouth and sketch book open to reveal his attempts at drawing his superhero's main villain. The cunning arch nemesis.

Brian came stumbling down the hallway, yawning louder than he really needed to. It was Michael's cue to be on alert. Brian was searching for his bed partner, possibly still naked. He hopped over the back of the couch, not afraid to mar this piece of furniture and almost landed on Michael's lap. Brian was looking to snuggle and seek more sleep, but Michael had really wanted to sink into something creative while his mind was frazzled with worry. He crossed his legs and sat back, allowing Brian to slump over his thighs, like a weary-worn soldier.

"Michael..." Brian mumbled into his forearms, not appreciating being ignored for a project Michael was working on, on _their_ time together.

"I came out here for a _reason_ , Brian."

"I know why you came out here." Brian flipped over, laying on Michael like a vampire in his coffin. He was hoping his hazel eyes could penetrate through college ruled notebooks. "And it's _not_ the reason you're trying to convince me you're here for." He flicked the cover with his finger.

"Hey..." Michael closed the notebook, staring down with pleading brown eyes. "... _do you mind?_ "

"Yes, I do." Brian reached up with one hand to brush back the flattened black waves and curls. He used his knuckle to knock hard on the temple. "Tell me what's going on up there."

"Brian, I..." Michael tucked the pencil in the notebook, knowing _this_ was a lost cause. He chucked it on top of the coffee table again. He crossed arms over his chest. "... I'm worried about..."

Brian rose off Michael's lap, cupping the left cheek and kissing those lips quite fiercely. "... the baby..."

"No... Global Warming." Michael smirked, his eyes filling with tears.

" _Jesus..._ I hate women... and sperm and eggs and procreation..." Brian kissed Michael more, tucking his hands and fingers into Michael's hair. "And God... he sucks, too. I've often wondered if he wasn't the 'problem' all this time."

Michael reached out to soothe his hands on Brian's biceps, lowering his head. "I'm so scared."

"I know. You fucked like _you_ were the one dying." Brian raised an eyebrow, leaning back to grab the cushion behind Michael's head. "Can't say I didn't mind it, but... my dick hurt. That never happens. I know your ass must look utterly raw."

"I feel okay." Michael let his hands sculpt down Brian's rib cage, along his back.

"No." Brian shook his head. He nudged his face with Michael's. "You're hurting somewhere, like in your heart..." He rubbed the back of his hand over Michael naked breast bone. "... and you let it manifest where you feel the most pleasure. I don't like knowing you can be that rough on yourself. Like **I** would." He dipped his head, tucking his lips in Michael's neck. "You fuckin' scared **me**. I usually never get that scared during sex."

"I wish I could tell you what's happening."

"You will. I know what it pertains to. Just know... I'm here. Even if you don't mind the staring down contest."

Michael leaned over to press quivering lips on Brian's mouth. "We communicate better with our eyes anyway." He cupped Brian's cheeks and jaw. "Now that I'm some baby's father... I feel a sense of purpose. Not that I've never not felt that before, but I know now why I belong here. With you... and my child... Gus..."

"Life sucks."

"Sex is better."

"I'll agree with you there." Brian sat up fully, sitting correctly on the couch. "But I'm not fuckin' you or letting you fuck me to forget. You need to feel whatever you feel.” He brought up his hand to pet Michael's hair, tugging on his cute ear. “I'm not gonna mask it for you anymore. The same way you wouldn't for me."

"Can you keep me company?" Michael turned to look at Brian, all sexy, naked and decadent on their couch.

"Sure. Whatever you need that doesn't involve my cock... I'm on it."

"I wish you were on me." Michael mumbled as he watched Brian move away. He reached for his notebook again, pulling the pencil out to curl up on the cushions.

"Hey! Not even sexual innuendos are allowed. We speak clearly." Brian stood up to go in search of his briefcase, where his laptop was. "I know what I can do." He trudge on over to the door, where he plopped his case before starting to undress Michael. "Check my emails. The F-U-N ones." He hefted his briefcase in his hand, walking toward the couch. He chose to sit on the opposite end, using the coffee table as his "somewhat" desk. After awhile, his back was achy and he was missing Michael's warmth and closeness. He stretched out on his back, laying on his right side facing his laptop's screen.

Michael wasn't even paying attention to Brian's nakedness. It was normal to see Brian in this manner. He got a little chilled and pulled down one of the throws on the back cushions. Once Michael had become a little overheated, Brian pulled the end up his way covering his nakedness.

_This_ was where they were now. 

Brian finally decided to lift his laptop up, his right knee bending for a resting position to the computer. " _Oh... that's just fuckin' utter bullshit!_ "

Michael chuckled because Brian spoke out loud as if someone had actually said something to him to respond to. "More emails to buy Buxom Brazilian Beauties to fuck?"

"No." Brian growled, hitting the back arrow key to scroll to the top of his email. "I _deleted_ those. Lukas has been sending me some of the problems the publishers are having with Ben's novel."

"The one based on his research about you?" Michael sat upright to rest on the arm facing Brian. He closed his notebook again. His mild interest was piqued.

"Yeah." Brian sat in the same manner. "The one that's looking more like Ted Schmidt than Brian Kinney."

Michael smacked his own forehead. "Oh God! That's horrible. Ted is..." That must have been what Ben had talked about at breakfast.

" _Boring?! Not a very interesting topic for a novel?! The Least Likely Person To Be The Subject Of Public Interest?!_ " Brian bit at his thumb as he skimmed over the beginning portion of the email again. "Much less a New York Times Best Seller."

Michael kicked out at Brian's calves. "Brian, _be nice_." He threw his notebook back on his end of the coffee table. "Ben had mentioned the story was being drastically redrafted to look _nothing_ like the original." He started climbing under the blanket on Brian's left side, next to the back cushions of the couch.

Brian made room for him, managing to keep reading the email. "I told Ben this publisher would dick him around for months until the book looked like every other piece of manufactured crap on the store shelves."

"So... why doesn't he self-publish?" Michael had been thinking about that very thing for his gay superhero comic. "He knows Lukas can help him print the book on his own."

Brian hooked his arm around Michael's neck as he rested along side his head on the arm rest. "Ben's literary agent suggested these prissy tight asses. He's obligated in his contract to _try_. They claim to be 'gay' friendly, which I _do_ see them being... but they're trying to make the gay club scene look like a fuckin' “Little House on the Prairie' episode. All we're missing are the muslin, paisley dresses in pigtails... and Michael Landon."

Michael chuckled into Brian's bare chest.

"I guess for some gay folk they'd like to ignore the _realness_ of being queer, but christ-on-a-fuckin-cross... it's not a Quilting Bee, either."

Brian's cell phone rang in the distance. It could be heard echoing through the house. Neither man knew where it was coming from. Where had Brian's trousers fallen? Probably where Michael had found his jeans that he wore.

"The hall bathroom, Brian. Possibly hanging off the knob."

"My suit trousers?"

"It's where my jeans were."

Putting his laptop on the coffee table, Brian dashed off the couch in between the third or fourth ring. He headed down the hallway, picking up the extension

 ** " ** **_**Hey-Lo!** _ ** ** " ** Brian's voice sounded way too chipper. _ " _ __**... yeah, hey!... What? No... I, uh, dropped my cell and had to... uh... wha-uh, yeah... Michael's with me. Why-?... Jesus... you don't sound too good.** _ _ _ "  _ His tone was sounding muffled, like he was moving toward the master bedroom, keeping the conversation private. _ " _ __**Wha-? Where the fuck are you?!** _ _ _ " _ He had his back to the opening into the living room. _ " _ __**Oh... Christ!** _ _ _ " _

Michael sprang up, immediately thinking it could be Lindsay. Melanie must have gotten worse or maybe something had happened and they wanted Brian to break the news to Michael. He got up to stand at the end of the hall, afraid and shivering.

 _ " _ __**Yes... uhm... sit tight. Don't move. We'll be there. I promise.** _ _ _ "  _ Brian paused, to swallow, rubbing his chest. 

Michael could see Brian weakly leaning on his left side along the bare patch of the wall.  
 _  
_ _"_ _ _ **... give us fifteen minutes. Hey... I'm, uh,... fuck, I'd say I was sorry, but that sounds so empty now. I don't know what to say.**__ _"_ Brian turned to lean on his right hand on the surface of the plaster. His head bowed in misery. _"_ _ _ **... I'm gonna shut up now and let you go. Mmm-hmm... bye...**__ _"_ He clicked off, holding the phone to his rapidly beating heart. He closed his eyes, unable to fathom how to tell Michael. How to even introduce the discussion. He didn't realize Michael had been standing there, watching him closely. Hazel eyes had been downcast to look only at his phone and his shaking hands.

" **Just... tell... me...** " Michael's eyes were already brimming with tears.

**~~TBC...**   


 

  
"No! Fuck... no!" Brian quickly reached to hug Michael to his body tight. "It's not what you think." His hands roamed over Michael's naked back, making sure skin was warm and real. He was a bit pummeled himself. 

"Mel... she's not..."

Brian tilted back, his own eyes a bit glazed, unsure what emotion to release. "Michael..." He used both hands to hold Michael's head steady, to look deeply into soft, watery brown eyes. "... it's Ben. That was Lukas. Ben was rushed to the hospital. He collapsed in class. They just brought him up to their critical care floor, specialty wing. For HIV and AIDs patients."

"Is he?" Michael brought both hands to his mouth in shock.

Brian latched onto Michael's wrists. "No. He's stable, but in critical condition."

"What? What happened?"

"Lukas will tell us when we get there."

"Oh, my... poor, poor, Luke..." Michael's hand fell to Brian's chest, wanting to feel the strong heartbeat.

"He tried to sound brave on the phone..." Brian shook his head, not knowing what he'd do if this had been Michael. "He... Luke... doesn't want anyone but us there. Until Ben's fully in the clear."

"Understandable." Michael hugged Brian again, his face tucked into Brian's neck. "Let's get dressed, then."

"Michael..." Brian held the tiny, quivering body back from him. "... look at me..."

"Why?" Michael swiped his hands under his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Can you DO this?" Brian caressed the side of Michael's face. "I told Luke we'd both be there, but if this is too much..."

Michael shook his head, his tears falling. "It's funny you should ask. I, uh... this morning I did what you've wanted me to do for a long time. I bit the bullet and I made 'nice' with Ben. I don't know why it hit me so suddenly to do it. Now... it makes so much damn sense to me. I was even trying to make Ma cave in. Well... I don't think I helped much." He covered his face in shame. "Why did I wait so long to let him know I forgave him?" He let his head fall forward on Brian's chest.

"At least he knows now, Michael. It's one less person he thinks hates him." Brian lifted Michael's chin up, tracing one finger down the cheek. "I'm glad you did it. I think Ben would really want you there... for Lukas. For both of us to help him through this."

"You've been waiting for your turn, haven't you?" Michael smirked, one arm circling Brian's waist.

"Huh?"

"Lukas... how he helped me through your cancer, then walked you through your recovery. This is a day you've been trying to prepare for."

"I never wished it to actually happen."

"I know, baby." Michael kissed Brian's cheek, rubbing his face along the jaw. "Do we have time to shower?"

"Quickly." Brian moved about to pick up their clothes, even going back into the living room and toward the front door.

Michael was helping as best he could. He couldn't stop crying. Somehow figuring this would have been him... in Lukas' place, a long time ago, if things had worked out differently. He didn't want to say out loud how happy he was to be with Brian and seeing him alive... and healthy. He had been in that scary place, watching Brian lay, sick and weak, in a hospital bed. Caring for him at home, after chemo and radiation treatments... afraid that one morning he'd wake up and Brian would no longer be breathing right next to him. It's why he kept touching Brian's chest, feeling the intakes of air, feeling the heartbeats pump so strong.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"He's gonna pull through this, Michael."

Michael's face crumbled. "I know."

"Jesus... come here..." Brian threw their clothes over the back of the couch.

Michael ran into Brian's arms, and just let go of everything he'd been holding in.

**~~TBC...**


	36. Chapter 36

 

It wouldn't be good for Lukas to see _this side_ of Michael. Brian even found himself shedding one or two tears, knowing what he was ready to do for Lukas at a time like this. 

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up"

"I'm such a pussy."

"No you aren't."

"Yes... I am."

"Says _who_? I'll kick their ass."

"No you won't."

"Yes. I will."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

"Are we even gonna _try_ going back to work today?"

"I'm not. We'll be with Lukas until he no longer needs us, then I'm coming home to hold you for the rest of what's left of today."

Michael smirked, smiling against Brian's naked skin. "I guess that means I'm off, as well." 

"Sex always works best with you _and me_."

"Yeah... I heard that somewhere." Michael leaned back to look directly at Brian's features. Never had they looked more precious or handsome to him than right this second. "Is it wrong of me to be grateful you're standing here with your arms around me?" It was nice that Brian _had_ put his arms around him. "That I can kiss you and you respond?" He kept his lips over Brian's, not sure if he should try kissing him or else they would get into some other kind of mess which would delay them longer.

"Yes. Because..." Brian leaned his brow in Michael's hair. “... I'm thinking the same thing.”

"We're _terrible_ friends."

"No... we're human and happy to be alive. What's the harm in _that_? We just don't gloat in their faces, right?"

"Correct."

"Ben's gonna pull through." Brian brought his arms up to rest on Michael's shoulders, hands dangling down.

"Are you _asking me_ or _telling me_?"

"Good question."

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Brian arrived at the hospital in record time. They already knew what floor they should be on. They jumped on the elevator as they bypassed the front nurse's station. Brian pressed the correct button. Michael huddled into himself, somber and quiet, a bit less talkative than he'd been in the car. Brian hovered over Michael, huddled into him, protective and watchful. They would be this way until they had to step off onto the prospective floor.

When they reached it, the doors flourishing open, Brian moved to place his hand at the small of Michael's back. He steered Michael to the specific unit, on the left.

There were easy hospital directions, with words and arrows, along the wall. Above the blue double doors, with little windows at the top, was the name " **Critical Care Unit** ".

Michael paused on the wall right before the doors. "Can you see down the hallway, through the windows?"

Brian was tall enough to simply glance through those little windows at the top of the doors. "Yes. I can see him."

"How's he look?"

"Well... he's got his hands tucked into his jean jacket, like you do. His hair's kind of long and unkempt. Sexy, like usual." Brian rolled his hand about his chin. "His stubble is dark on his face. His feet... they're spread apart, you know, like he climbed off his horse. His hands are on his hips..."

Michael pushed Brian in the shoulder. "Quit it. You know what I mean."

"I do." Brian went to put his hand on the door handle. “I'm attempting lighten things up.”

"Uh... no." Michael held himself back, not able to move one more step forward past the double doors. "Wait... I don't think I can do this."

Brian stared in confusion. " _Why?_ "

"I have _no right_ to be here." Michael shook his head, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands.

"Neither do I." Brian snickered out.

"I'm not a part of Ben's life anymore."

"You're part of _my_ life... and of Lukas expects you to come with me."

"You're closer to Luke than I am."

“How can you say that?” Brian furrowed his brow in befuddlement. "He practically took you under his wing when I got sick."

"He's always liked you more, though."

"Michael... _Christ_..." Brian shook his head. "... don't do this to me now."

"Do _what_?"

"Beat yourself over the head about Ben. He forgave you sooner than you did him. He was willing to wait forever, if need be."

"I guess Ben's 'forever' came quicker than he thought." Michael pushed back against the wall, covering his face. "I'm sorry... I just don't--I didn't mean to sound so crass... but... _why?_ What's so special about **me** , huh?"

"You're fuckin' jokin', right?" Brian had to laugh outright, because sometimes it was so damn obvious to him.

"No. I'm not. I wanna know."

"You're a hard man to hate. Everyone likes you, no matter what."

"Okay. Fine. Nice. _What else?_ "

"People can't stop wanting to be around you. I think it's your smile... your laugh or your eyes. Maybe it's the combination."

Michael dipped his head in shyness, blushing. " _Why?_ I know lots of men _like_ me."

"I don't... and you already know how many men I've been with."

"I still don't get my appeal."

"Because... you have _this_ \--there's more 'love' in your heart than any human being I've ever known. You may think you can be evil and mean, like everybody else... but it's not possible. Ever."

"Yeah... and?"

"You always have this peaceful, calming presence. Your heart on your sleeve, your emotions pouring out of your gorgeous brown eyes... you tend to keep all us assholes in check."

"There's more, isn't there?"

"With you... there's _always_ more..." Brian bit the inside of his cheek. "It's your arms."

"My... ARMS?" Michael touched them, squeezing the different sections as he spoke. "My forearms? Biceps?"

"No. The entire arm as it connects to your shoulder joints and correlates to your chest muscles when you hold or embrace someone. Even complete strangers. There's something about the combination of that whole muscle contraction that brings the right amount of solace to anybody in them. Especially me. Your hugs should be marketed to the public. We'd make a killing and retire at forty. But see... I'm selfish. I want them only for my own."

“You can stop.” Michael rubbed a hand over his forehead. "I think I understand."

"Good. Can you tell me how to understand you?" Brian stood on the opposite wall, facing Michael, wanting nothing more than to be closer. He knew something was firing up within Michael to pour forth. _What..._ he didn't know. "I'm always willing to loan you out to only the _right_ type of people. Lukas happens to be one of those 'right type' of people. I think he'd do well to get one of your hugs."

"You feel _that_ strongly about me... thinking I'd do Lukas some good?"

"You caught me on one of my off-kilter days.” Brian shrugged one shoulder. “I'm not normally this nice or kind, foiling my lover off on other men."

"Lukas _is_ pretty special." Michael mumbled, still a bit mystified why he was here.

"I refuse to keep reminding you."

"You don't have to remind me. I already know."

"So why do you doubt his sincerity that there might be times he would need you? Or want you around?"

"I'm the dreaded EX. The old boyfriend that didn't last. The minute I step in there... it's like some god-awful gay melodrama. Six Degrees of Ben Bruckner."

"You are so adorable when you're catty."

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes. You are _not_ wrong, but you're being silly. Lukas never hated you once through our whole introduction to him. He liked you from the very beginning. Hell... he even took your side with Ben, time and time again."

"He, also, thought I wasn't the right man for Ben."

"Hey... _guess what?_ Neither did I. Does that mean you're refusing to come back home with me tonight?"

"Brian, don't be ridiculous."

" _Why am I the only one being ridiculous?!_ You're the one flipping out over nothing."

"It's not _nothing_ if it's the way I feel, dammit! I don't negate your strange fucked-up psychosis."

"And... _here we go_..." Brian turned around to face the wall and bang his head on the surface.

"Look, Brian... maybe I should just--"

A cell phone rang. Both men went to check their belts and pockets.

It turned out to be Michael's and he opened his phone to check the LCD screen and his face went numb.

Brian sighed, opening his phone to call Lukas back. "You know..." He brought up the last number dialed to his cell, hitting the “redial” button. "... maybe we should have had this conversation a little earlier..." He put the extension to his ear, moving to look over at Michael as his phone rang again. Michael had never answered it. "... before we..." Hazel eyes squinted to realize how hesitant Michael was to pick up his own cell phone as if he was spooked into fear.

Michael's face had gone pale, brown eyes wide as he finally spoke. _"_ _ _ **Hello?**__ _"_

Brian heard Lukas pick up by the second ring. _"_ _ _ **Yeah, Luke. I'm here... but I, uh...**__ _"_ He didn't like the looks crossing over Michael's face. _"_ _ _ **... hold on... something's not quite right with Michael...**__ _"_ He slowly approached Michael, watching the dark lashes fall on pale cheeks.

The sweet face crumbled... the dark head bowed and the sobs were being stifled.

 ** " ** **_**Yes... don't worry. I'm already here.** _ ** ** "  ** Michael lifted his head up, wiping at his eyes. ** " ** **_**I can be there in five minutes.** _ ** ** " ** His voice was hoarse, scratchy. _ " _ __**Yes... I'll be fine... I'll, uh, tell you when I see you...** _ _ _ " _ He leaned on the wall. " _... shit..._ " His hand shook as he pressed the button to end his call. 

"Michael, wha--?" Brian was infiltrating Michael's space.

Michael rolled over, back flat on the wall. "Linds just called. Mel--she, uh... is in the ER." He stared down at his phone. "... we might lose the baby... _I fuckin' knew it!!_ " He pounded his fist on his thigh, arching his head back on the wall, banging hard.

Brian heard Lukas in his ear, his face completely stunned trying to gauge Michael's emotions. _"_ _ _ **Yeah... I'm outside the door. I'll wait.**__ _"_ He used his chest to hang up his phone. Michael was trying to escape. " _Whoa!_ " He grabbed onto Michael's jacket. " _Hold on!_ I'm coming with--"

“No... It's too much, right now.” Michael latched onto Brian's wrist. "Brian, it's okay. I'd rather be down there, and not--"

"Michael..." Lukas burst through the double doors, moving to stand beside Brian. Both men were now hovering over Michael. " _... what's going on?_ " He glanced at Brian for answers, but only found Brian not moving his gaze, or his grip, off of Michael. "Brian, _what--?_ "

“It's Mel... and the baby.” Brian spoke without once looking over at Lukas. "The bleeding she had last night must have gotten worse."

Michael raised a shaking hand to his forehead. "She's in the ER now. I gotta go." He tried to unclamp Brian's grip from his jacket.

Lukas narrowed sharp green eyes on Michael. "And the baby?"

" _Dead._ " Michael muttered out quickly.

“Michael...” Brian rolled his eyes. "... that's _not_ what you said they told you."

"It might as well be dead." Michael mumbled, he sagged in Brian's hold. " _Please... just lemme go._ "

Brian only did so because Michael's face begged and his voice pleaded for release. "You can't run away from me or whatever you feel is chasing you."

Michael walked over to the elevator buttons. He pressed the down arrow several times. The elevator was too slow, hitting every floor but the one Michael was on. He turned to see the stairwell Exit. "I'd rather take the stairs anyway." He leaned on the handle bar on the door, looking over at Brian. "Come find me in the ER when you're ready to go home."

"Michael... _don't go._ " Brian started for Michael, but realized that he was ready to bolt away if anyone came any closer. "Not like this."

Michael bowed his head. "I just--I can't be here. Not now. Not unless I know Melanie can pull through."

"And... the baby?" Brian crossed arms over his chest.

" _There is no baby._ " Michael shut his eyes in bittersweet torture. For awhile... it was nice to think of himself as someone's father.

"Dammit, Michael... _**STOP. SAYING. THAT!**_ You won't know until you get there." Brian knew his voice was sounding like he was angry with Michael, but he understood more than he let on. “Stop thinking the worst”

"It's better to hold onto that that to have everything I've ever wished for come to nothing. There was too much blood. If the mother is sick, there's a slight chance the baby's life expectancy decreases."

"The baby isn't premature, Michael.” Lukas tried to help some. “It can sustain life outside the womb about now. They can still save your baby's life."

"You can't be alone. I'm not--" Brian looked over his shoulder, getting permission to leave with Michael. "... Luke..."

" _Fuck yeah!_ I'll go with you." Lukas was ready to climb down the stairs with Michael and Brian.

The elevator ding-ed and Michael slipped from under Brian and Lukas' need to follow him, and made it toward the opening doors.

" _Please..._ " Michael held his hands out, his eyes desperate to say he didn't need any help right now. "... both of you. I am fine. Ben needs you." He gestured to Lukas. "Lukas needs you." He motioned to Brian. "And I ... will try to find my place downstairs, with Mel and Lindsay. Or whatever is left of me."

The doors were almost closing.

" _Michael!_ " Brian stepped up to the elevator.

Michael put his hand out to hold the doors open.

"I don't know what the fuck this is that you're going through.” Brian placed each hand on both sides of the automatically closing doors to hold them open wide. “But no matter what you tell me, I'm coming to see you once Luke and I finish talking. Give you time to cool off... or down. Whatever."

“Why don't we go _now_ , Brian?” Lukas sighed, shaking his head in perplexity. "I could use a bit of separation from this place."

"Because... _right now_... Michael doesn't need _anybody_." Brian didn't have to look directly at Michael to know this fact. He had been where Michael was at, too many times to count in his old life.

Lukas locked onto Brian's shoulder. "Brian... don't say that."

"It's true, isn't it?" Brian asked of Michael.

" _What?_ " Michael raised teary brown eyes to Brian's wide hazel ones.

"It's all your fault." Brian could sense Michael doing those same tragic woeful things he used to do, three years ago. “Isn't it?”

" _Huh?_ "

"Everything. All that we've been through. You and Ben breaking up... my cancer... your attempts at having a child with Mel failing... Vic's death... Ben getting sick... Mel and the baby's lives in jeopardy... _**all of it**_. It's God's way of keeping Michael Novotny in line. Waking you up to make sure you're doing right. Shake your life into something better. Keep you on your toes.” Brian narrowed his eyes in Michael's averting head and eyes. “Maybe trying to tell you I'm not right for you. We're not supposed to be together. And if we break up... or quit this, go back to being _just friends_... it'll all stop hurting so much..."

Michael blinked realizing he shouldn't take so much of the burden of bad luck. It seemed the easiest explanation because everything else he thought of... kind of sucked. "It was going too well, Brian. We knew something was bound to happen."

Brian reached out to touch Michael's face, caressing the flushed skin. "When did I suddenly become the optimist in this relationship?"

Michael clutched the hand then took it off his face. "Why didn't you tell me being a pessimist was so much easier? Keep expecting the worst... you won't be disappointed. There's also a better average of being right."

"I _still_ love you." Brian leaned into the elevator. "You are all I will _ever_ need. Nothing more." He finally stepped back.

"I know. And I'll never stop loving you... and sometimes wanting more."

The elevator doors closed.

Lukas stepped in front of Brian, his face stunned. " _What... the fuck... was that? A fight? You didn't just break up, did you?_ "

“Newsflash.” Brian shook his head. "Michael and I _never_ fight. We _don't_ break up. Ever. We found out, recently, these last few years... we've almost changed roles."

" _What did you two just, then? And was that an example of it?_ "

"Were you serious about not wanting to go back in there?" Brian gestured to the Critical Care Unit.

"Yeah. Why?"

"C'mon... I know a place we both might not mind being at to clear our heads."

"Lead on." Lukas was about to blindly follow, when he stopped Brian. "Wait... is it some place we can smoke?"

Brian chuckled deeply as he banged his body on the Exit door to the stairwell.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

" _Ah!_ The roof. A man after my own heart." Lukas wandered to the ledge, pulling out his pack of cigarettes and lighter. He placed them on the flat cement, meaning to light up shortly, if his nerves got the best of him. " _Fuck!_ " He leaned his elbows on the rough surface, looking out over the skyline of the city. "Day can't seem to get any worse can it? And it's barely half over." He looked at his watch to see it was pushing toward one o'clock in the afternoon.

Brian couldn't help but be preoccupied with Michael, _what might be bothering him_. He walked over to tuck his hands in his jeans, leaning his right side on the brick. He was also recalling the day he and Michael were up here, upon Gus' birth. Kind of an odd "full circle", except it seemed wrong without Michael here. He never wished he had kept his faith still locked tightly inside him more than now. Being a practicing Catholic was his mother's gift. "What happened, Luke?"

Lukas bowed his head, shaking his curls. "That damn, fuckin--the new medication." He rested his chin on his shoulder joint. "Even if we had stopped taking it, there was enough in his system to do damage. Basically all medications are trial and error, you know?"

Brian leaned over the ledge, like Lukas was. He wasn't quite up to scaling this one again, not sure he wouldn't fall off this time. "Like what? What kind of damage are we talking about?"

"Well... the first... was a nice, mild heart attack. Which, I'm thinking heart attack is a heart attack. Let's not pretty it up, whatever adjective you attach to make it seem less tragic."

"Is he awake?"

Lukas turned to stare ahead, chin in his palm. "He was when I finally arrived. But he..." He lowered his lids, blinking. It was as if he was seeing the actions all over again. "... they were trying to take some x-rays. When he collapsed, he fell _hard_. They thought he may have broken his hip or a bone in his thigh. Hairline fracture, even. Jamie... he, uh... became combative..." He finally turned away from the skyline, leaning his backside on the brick.

" _Ben did?_ " Brian was shocked, standing tall.

"Yeah... they..." Lukas felt his eyes filling, he scratched at his stubble. "... they had to control him, tie him down before they sedated him." He shook his head, rubbing at his nape. " _Jesus..._ " He covered his eyes with one hand.

"What's wrong now? Why is he in ' _unresponsive, critical condition_ '?" Brian fed Lukas back the description he'd been told earlier.

"Because... the sedation they gave him... put him in a chemical coma."

" _What?!_ " Brian stared aghast and confused. "Is it because of his HIV meds?"

"Yeah. Another gift of the new medication, coupled with the rest of his regimen. In and out of consciousness."

" _Jesus Christ!_ " Brian had to turn away, looking to his right. He didn't even like Ben much, but he was still pissed.

"Fix one problem, find four dozen more. Isn't medicine wonderful?" Lukas reached for his pack of cigarettes, tapping out one stick. "At least Jamie will get the sleep he's been needing for a week now. I certainly haven't been able to cure his insomnia."

" _And you?_ " Brian hopped up onto the ledge to sit, swinging his legs. He reached for a cigarette, as well. He grabbed the lighter, flicking it on to light Lukas' end.

"Me _what?_ " Lukas puffed, blowing smoke from the side of his mouth.

"Luke... don't be obtuse." Brian talked with the cigarette dangling. He covered his hand over the end to light up.

"Jamie... is a walk in the fuckin' park compared to Danny. It's just..." Lukas leaned his hands back on the ledge. "... sometimes I think maybe I took too much on. Took too much of the burden with Danny, only because I thought no one else would. _He_ certainly wouldn't let anyone near him. I thought it was a _duty_ as his lover and partner in life. I also didn't want him to die, but--" He crossed his ankles, looking down at the surface of the roof. "Now, with Ben, I have not only myself, but Michael... and you." He puffed on the cigarette, squinting his eyes. "I can see that this road doesn't have to be so one-sided and lonely anymore."

" _Shit!_ I'd love for you to believe that, but Michael's back to doubting his importance in your life. In Ben's life too."

"Again?" Lukas turned on his side to face Brian. "I thought we--"

"So did I, but something has brought it back into his brain, like a broken record." Brian put a hand to his chest to gesture to himself. "I used to do this. Which is weird. I'm getting better when tragedy strikes, Michael seems to be getting worse."

" _Really?_ " Lukas wrinkled his brow in fascination, never having noticed one difference. "He's been such a rock."

Brian shook his head. "He can sink low just like you and I. Thing is... it doesn't look _right_ on him. He scares me when he gets this way. I know what I used to do to cope, I can't see Michael doing any of that to himself." He puffed on the butt, looking up at the clear blue sky of mid-afternoon. "At least... not on my watch."

"It's why you stick by his side."

"It's what made him stick by mine. The reason why he never let go." Brian leaned forward to grip the ledge with his hands. "They tell you a ballpark figure how long this coma could last?"

"A few days... months... a few weeks and even years."

"Great." Brian grumbled, knowing now why he hated hospitals and doctors, in general. Always quick to offer "time limits" and percentages of recovery, as if they were mathematically accurate.

"Exactly." Lukas hopped up on the ledge, sitting beside Brian. "I knew this day would come. I kept telling myself I was prepared, but I'm not."

"What do you mean?" Brian furrowed his brow, wondering if Lukas meant he wouldn't sit here and watch Ben waste away.

"I thought, after Danny, I'd know what to do. But what I keep forgetting is... each case is different. Each patient is different. Same disease, whole other outcome. What broke Danny, won't ever hurt Jamie. What is hurting Jamie, never even touched Danny. I thought I could outsmart this disease. Instead, it likes to kick me in the ass and keep me on my toes."

"At least you always know to keep your expectations low." Brian reached out to softly punch Lukas' shoulder.

"Yeah... thanks." Lukas chuckled awkwardly. He slid back down onto the roof's flooring. He puffed on the cigarette, blowing the smoke directly into the air. "Take my mind off this crap, Brian. Tell me what you think is bothering Michael this time. 'Cause you and I both know... it's not whether or not I like him best.”

Brian began to have a funny taste in his mouth. He squished his cigarette out. "Has something to do with fathering... being a new father... or the fact of the baby, itself." He shook his head in utter perplexity. "I thought **I** was complicated." He threaded his fingers on his lap. "Something has infiltrated his brain, turned him hot-n-cold over this issue." He put his arms out, using one hand for each item. "When things are good, Michael's on the moon. He's buying out the toy stores and baby clothing departments. You should see this nursery. I find myself envious of this child, that's not even here, yet." He stretched out his left hand. "When things are bad... _like what you witnessed downstairs_... I feel him slipping away, falling into some self-imposed abyss of torture. As if he feels _worthless_. I fear he hits this odd depressive state I can't get him out of. So I think I help by letting him _feel_ it. Except he wants to be near me, but hurt himself at the same time."

"He gets self-destructive?"

"Yeah... like this aftern-..." Brian didn't know if he should go into too much explanation of why he and Michael were having sex in the middle of the afternoon. So he fibbed, just a tad. "... last night, he's feeling something's wrong. He's upset and I can tell, because he's desperate for me to... fuck him. Harder and harder, like he thinks he needs to be punished for a bad thing."

"And asking you for rougher sex is a _wrong_ thing to do?" Lukas let out a semi-smile. he knew what Brian was talking about.

"Hell no... but that's _my_ job. To be the one who's rough and dirty. 'Sides, Michael has a stamina that matches mine, he never knows his limits. He's left himself so raw some nights... _or days_... and I refuse to touch him. Well, touch him in the sense of it leading to sex."

"It's why you don't want to leave him alone." Lukas nodded his head in understanding. "Danny would talk to me... about ending his life on his own. As if _that_ would beat his disease. Show God who was more powerful. But soon... he was even too weak to attempt suicide. I could see him some days... _as I changed him when he didn't know any better than to soil the bed_... those eyes..." He demonstrated how they looked at him. "... begging me to kill him. Save his pride... his dignity. He knew I knew this was no way for a human to die. Even if it was a complete bastard like him." He scuffed the tip of his boot on the floor. "Do you think Michael holds too much importance on being a father? Or is it just the awesome responsibility of this baby... a new human life about to come into this world?"

Brian tucked his hands in between his knees, his mind thinking deeply. "No. To both. Michael has already shown he can _be_ a father, with Gus. He holds some importance, but it's not the end of the world for him if he's not good at it. And the baby... it's more fantasy for him than anything. Once the baby is here, he'll be fine. He was this way with Gus, but not _this_ bad. Of course it probably didn't help to have my negative ass poking holes in all his heavenly ideas about Gus and I being Daddy and son." He hunched his shoulders. "There's something _in_ Michael that's switched... or turned off. It used to be there, with high hopes. Now it seems like do or die."

"Kind of like learning the truth about Santa or the Easter Bunny." Lukas snuffed out his cigarette, flicking the butt into thin air. "Great myths... de-mystified."

Brian squinted his eyes at Lukas. "What about Santa and Easter Bunny?"

Lukas let out a deep belly laugh. " _Ah-ha! Good one! I needed that!_ " He liked watching Brian's handsome features broadly smile. "Seriously, though... has Michael learned much about his own father?" He slunk closer to Brian's side, pressing his elbow to Brian's knee.

"John Novotny. Medaled War Hero. Died in combat. Medal given in his honor... _blah-blah-died before his son was born-blah-blah_..."

“Think I heard that before.” Lukas nodded his head. "Could that be it?"

Brian shrugged, lowering his head in thought. "Could be, but I don't think it helps any that Vic's not here, either. It's like Michael wants... or maybe he needs that older male figure standing by his side to share the experience with him."

"How's his relationship with Debbie?"

"The usual. But somehow Michael's been able to gain the upper hand over her. He's shown her how much he's no longer her baby boy anymore. She tries, but the more she loses family members, the more she wants to cling to Michael."

"He doesn't want her clinging?"

"She doesn't 'cling', Luke. She smothers. She doesn't know how to stop herself sometimes. I'm fairly sure part of Michael and I not being able to be together was his own mother."

"I don't blame her. You're not my idea of the dutiful son-in-law, either."

"Oh... shut up...” Brian playfully shoved Lukas away. “She has become a bit subdued in some aspects. Finally realizing her son has grown out of her reach."

"Think Michael found a branch he didn't like?"

"What do you mean?"

Lukas shrugged his shoulders. "A man, no matter what age, learns he's becoming a father. Maybe he gets curious. He starts poking and prodding, asking questions about his Dear Old Daddy. Does he have any stories?"

"Stories? About John Novotny?" Brian furrowed his brow, finding _he_ didn't know much else than what Michael did about the complete stranger who was Michael's father.

"Yeah. Like how John met Debbie. _Where was their first date? Did they kiss and make a second date? Or was Michael created that first night?_ If it was a long relationship, _when did John propose? Did he love Debbie to distraction or was the military all he thought about? Did John know Debbie was pregnant before he was shipped out? Did Debbie and John write one another while he was stationed in Vietnam?_ " Lukas shook his head, kind of befuddled that Michael had never been told any of this about his parents. "Every kid gets fed at least one or more stories, Brian. Even when the parents don't get along. I bet you know more about your parents than you care to admit, but... at least you got them, eh?"

"I never really asked. Wasn't something I was _that_ interested in, until now. It never mattered to me who his father was. I mean... I felt bad the guy was dead because Michael practically worshiped the ghostly image, but I gave it to him. It was his fantasy before I ever arrived in his life. I had no business to press the issue."

"Maybe that's what has him so messed up. The fact as he becomes a father, himself, he discovers he doesn't know shit about his own. Or worse... he feels like he's left all alone, with no one to turn to for guidance."

Brian rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Luke."

"No. It's not even about _you_ , Brian. It's _him_. You felt the same with Gus. You can't tell me you wouldn't have loved a real father as wonderful as Vic was... to stroll in and unburden you with the role as responsible adult, a time or two. Michael's got no one and nothing to fill that void. Doesn't matter how much you try to help him, you'll never be exactly who he needs.”

"You know... I've often wondered, that if this baby _doesn't_ survive then Michael really learns to think he was never meant to be a father, at all."

“I can't help but feel...” Lukas situated his body to stand directly in front of Brian, blocking his view of the doorway. "... since it was difficult to have this child in the first place... Michael will never try again."

Brian nodded his head in agreement. "I've thought that, as well."

"Brian... did you look into Michael's eyes? Having this baby is... _jesus_... it's everything to him."  
 **  
** **"** ** _Do you mean... more than me?_** **"**

**~~TBC...**   



	37. Chapter 37

  
**"NO!"** Michael stood in the stairwell doorway. He began to saunter closer to the two men near the ledge on the roof top. "Never more than you, Brian." He had his hands tucked into his jacket pockets. He didn't look any different than when he'd left them earlier. 

"Michael, I--" Lukas was about to speak, moving out of the way when Brian jumped down from the ledge.

"It's okay, Luke." Michael cleared his throat. "It just occurred to me, while I was down there, I chose to be with two people who see me as nothing more than a sperm donor." He saw the blank stares looking at him. "Though I _am_ the father of this child... _the baby who may or may not live today_... I'm really not much else use to them."

"Michael... don't..." Brian tried to step closer, but Michael backed up.

Michael shut his eyes. "I don't care how nice and congenial they try to be to me... that's how they always make me feel. And it fuckin' hurts to be looked at for nothing but your cock and what comes out of it. Even before we agreed to have this baby, they didn't really care about me. As long as my 'soldiers' were strong and could penetrate Mel's egg... well, I was good enough, but not great. Do you know what that does to your self-esteem?"

Lukas turned away. " _Jesus..._ "

"I know, Michael." They had several conversations about this topic, and Brian could never make it through without getting choked up by Michael's passion for fatherhood and simply “being a father”.

"Why did I think I was somehow immune, huh?" Michael rolled his head back, looking up at the sky. "I told them to shove their contract nulling my parental rights up their tight asses and see if they could try choosing a better father from a list of strangers picked for them. I made sure they knew, if they came crawling back to me, then they took _all of me_ , nothing less. I would be in their faces 24/7, whether they found me annoying or not. Okay... maybe I do go overboard, but it's my first time being someone's father. So maybe I suck... _so fuckin' what_... I'm not skipping out on being a part of my child's life growing up."

"As well you shouldn't, Michael." Brian spoke up in agreement, wanting desperately to hold Michael.

"I felt obligated at some point to start writing my history down. Trying to recall details, so I don't forget. And I begin to realize... _I have nothing_..." Michael held up his hands, in defeat. " _Nothing_ to show. _Nothing_ to share. No Daddy memories of my very own. Not even one lousy story to pass on. Hey... I got a picture... that's fading with time. And a medal, but I don't know what for. And... I've got a dead father. I can't even take my child to his grave. See... because the body never made it home. He died in Vietnam... so I can't even have a headstone marking his passing."

"Michael... I don't..." Brian simply wanted Michael to stop talking, not sure he was able to hear what was needing to be said. He didn't care anymore what was wrong with Michael, only that he was okay and back at his side.

"I'm getting there, Brian. Bear with me a little longer."

"Always. You know that, but... can I...?" Brian pushed off the wall, his right hand hesitantly reaching out toward Michael.

Michael could see the hand, but took Brian's question to mean something less complicated. "You want to come closer to me?"

"That... or can I... hold your hand...?"

Michael bowed his head, rubbing his palm over his brow. He swallowed the emotions clogging his throat. "Is that all you want to do?"

"No..." Brian's hand confidently stretched out toward Michael. "... but if it's all you'll give me, _while you do this to yourself_... it'll be enough."

Michael took Brian's hand and turned it like a handshake. "Don't squander its use, Kinney." He smirked, watching Brian flip it to lay palm down, then sandwiched his other hand over top. "I'm about to fall to pieces in a matter of seconds." He raised watery brown eyes toward Brian's hazel ones.

" _Why?_ " Brian heard the crack in his tone.

Lukas had to turn away or be overcome with emotions.

"I dunno. I'm exhausted, Brian." Michael's tears fell, one by one. "I don't want to be a grown-up anymore. It's too hard. I'm tired of my heart constantly hurting. I just wanna know when it will end... when we can breathe again..."

"No... I'm afraid it doesn't ever end, but that's why I'm here. To offer you myself... whatever you need... even if it's my own breath. I can only know what's going on, if you tell me. I attempt to interpret what's wrong with you, but sometimes... I think you'd rather see the back end of me."

Michael bowed his head, tugging Brian closer. "If I can't be strong for myself, what good am I to you?"

"Did you catch me complaining? Did I ever make you feel bad when you dropped everything to take care of me when I was sick?"

"No." Michael averted his head, right to left, unable to look at Brian directly. "You were very gracious and thankful for me, even when you felt at your worst."

Brian brought up his hidden hand, tenderly touching the side of Michael's face. He closed his own eyes, watching Michael nearly crumble at his touch. He opened them determined to get Michael to look at him. "So... what makes you think you need to do this all on your own? Just to show how strong you can be for me? I thought the main purpose of a partnership was a 50/50 split of duties? _You be my strength, I'll be yours._ "

Michael choked on his next words, in shame. "I don't know who my father is."

Brian stepped even closer, Michael's hair touching his chin. "Of course you do. It's John Novotny."

"No." Michael was shaking his head emphatically. "No, it's not."

"What? How--?" Brian stared intensely down into Michael's eyes. "How long have you known?"

"Just after Mel was pregnant."

Brian gripped the nape of Michael's neck, caressing the tense muscles. "Have you talked to your mother?"

Michael bit his top lip, nodding his head. “Yes.” New tears were falling.

"And?"

"She's the one who broke down to tell me John _wasn't_ my father... at all." Michael's eyes stared over Brian's shoulder, into the afternoon sky. "He is someone's son... someone's father. _But not mine._ " He shook his head, wiping at his face.

"Did she tell you who—?" Suddenly, Brian wanted to know everything right this second.

"No. I didn't want to know."

"Michael... _why?_ "

"Because... one heartbreak at a time, is why." Michael brought his hand up to touch Brian's jaw, keeping his fingers there. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I've been holding this in, thinking it was my own problem. That I'd be fine, but... until today, I never realized how much it ate at me to not know who I was."

"What? He's a very small part of you, Michael. He's not everything you are."

“No matter what Ma did for me or think she gave me...”Michael let his hand fall to Brian's chest. "... she can never really give me back that piece of myself she stole."

Brian tucked both hands under Michael's chin, locking them behind his head. "I'm amazed you two are still talking."

"Believe me, Ma knows her place now. It's no longer over my shoulder or looking down her nose at me."

"Ah." Brian smirked, his eyes alight with mischief. "I thought she was being nice to you because of the idea of her grandchild being born." He watched Michael shut his lids in misery. " _Hey... hey..._ why so gloomy?"

Michael reached up to grab Brian's wrists. "I said I didn't care about knowing who my real father was, but I lied. Somewhat. I don't really care who he is at this point, but I would like to know why he left."

Brian rubbed his knuckles underneath Michael's chin. "You have some idea he abandoned you."

"Maybe."

Brian shook his head to disagree, strongly. "I think Debbie had something to do with that. Don't start hating someone you don't even know."

"Think she gave him a choice?" Michael blinked up at Brian. "Did she chose for him and run away? Or did she tell him about me at all?" He rubbed at Brian's biceps.

"I say... the latter. Feels like something she'd do. On top of fabricating this wonderful Vietnam hero image for you." Brian leaned his forehead on Michael's brow. "The older we get, the more I'm aware... you are becoming more 'mine' than I ever thought you could. For life."

"For better or for worse, huh?" Michael nudged his face with Brian's. He loved teasing Brian with some wedding vows.

"In sickness and in health."

Lukas didn't mean to interrupt, but Michael hadn't said one word about Mel or the baby. "Speaking of which... how is Mel?"

Michael drew a little back from Brian, looking at Lukas. “She's fine.” He felt Brian nuzzle his hair. "They found the cause of all the bleeding."

Brian drew back now. His arms were sneaking around to hold Michael about the waist. "And the baby?"

Michael broke into a wide grin. "She's fine, too."

Lukas clamped a hand on Brian's shoulder, then Michael's. " _Well, fuck! What a relief, huh?_ "

" _Wait--what... did you just say?_ " Brian wanted to make sure he'd heard what he did.

"My 6lb 9ounce black haired baby daughter... is healthy and crying up a storm in the hospital's nursery, as we speak."

" _Holy shit!_ " Lukas sighed, a wild smile on his face. " _Christ! A daughter?!_ Did you... was that what you wanted? I know you said you didn't care, but..."

"Yes." Michael bowed his head, hiding a smile and more tears. "I secretly wanted a girl. Don't ask me why." He turned to fit into Brian's arms, so Lukas could see his face. His arm wrapped about Brian's body.

"Name?" Lukas crossed his arms over his chest.

"Jennifer. Well... Jenny, really..."

"Middle name?" Lukas tapped his chin in interest.

Michael chuckled, not sure why Lukas was asking so many questions. "The girls want Rebecca. But... I want something else."

"What?" Lukas frowned in earnest.

"Victoria." Brian spoke the answer outloud. His head leaning toward Michael's ear. "For Vic."

Michael soothed Brian's back, liking how Brian knew him so well. "Yeah. I let them have 'Jenny'. I hope they let me have 'Victoria'. After all, I do think Vic played a small enough role in this little miracle. It could have gone either way." He moved to slide his hand into Brian's grip. "I think I'm ready to see Ben now."

"Are you sure?" Lukas looked a bit doubtful. "Because it's okay if you feel like spending a few hours with your daughter on her birthday."

Brian looked over at Lukas, shaking his head. "You better take his offer, Luke. He's liable to change his mind."

Michael tucked himself back at Brian's side, huddling close. "I got to hold Jenny for ten minutes before they took her upstairs. Once Mel comes out of the O.R. they'll be placing her on the maternity ward."

"O.R.?" Lukas' eyes went wide with fright. "I thought you said Mel was fine?"

"She is now. They had to perform an emergency C-section. Once the baby was safe and breathing on her own, they discovered what had been the cause of Mel's bleeding. Something about her endometriosis coming back."

Brian wrinkled his brow. "I thought she corrected that before she got pregnant?"

"What do I know, huh? Ask Mel or Linds." Michael couldn't stop smiling. "I stopped paying attention to what anyone said to me the second I held my daughter."

"Understandable." Lukas was walking toward the stairwell doorway. No one followed him out. "Hey... aren't you two...?"

Michael opened his mouth to start. "Can we...?"

Brian finished the question. "... have a moment alone?"

" _Jesus! Of course!_ " Lukas winked, then went on his way. "I'll wait for you two outside the doors."

"Thanks, Luke." Michael yelled over his shoulder.

"Yeah... thank you." Brian added his own response.

"Don't mention it." They heard the echoing reply as Lukas walked down the stairs.

Brian watched Lukas' retreating back. His hands now massaging Michael's shoulder joints. "Alone, at last." He encircled his arms about Michael, almost lifting him off the ground. "I should be fuckin' strangling you, but I like this much better." He sighed, setting Michael on his feet. “You feel great in my arms.”

"You, too. I'm sorry I lied."

"You know what I say... it's not a lie if they make you lie. I don't really think I would have been the best person on your side, because we would have disowned your mother." Brian kept his forehead on Michael's hair. "I can't believe she'd do something like that... yet complain about me the way she does."

"As hard as she tries, she can't ever know how to _be_ a man, or _be_ my father. She'll never know the bond between fathers and sons."

"She barely knows the one between mothers and sons." Brian felt the pinch. " _Ow! Well... I'm right!_ "

"Look... as far as you know, she hasn't changed in _your_ eyes. This is not your battle to fight for me. Just between her and I."

"Do I have to be nice? I'm good at scowling."

"Please." Michael tilted his head up, pouting. “For me?”

"Okay." Brian's gaze burned into Michael's peaceful one. "A daughter, huh?" He brought up a hand to caress Michael's face.

"It's what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah. I'll admit to that. Nothing else." Brian bent his head, his nose brushing Michael's. "Does she have killer brown eyes like yours?"

"All babies are born with blue eyes..."

"I know you, Michael. That was the first thing you looked for."

Michael nodded his head, tucking his face into Brian's neck. "They were near black, but I'll go with dark brown." He pushed away to stare up at deepening hazel eyes. "And she smiled at me... gripping my thumb so tight." His eyes filled with moisture at the memory.

“She recognized you.” Brian cupped Michael's cheek. "Her Daddy."

"She's only a baby, Brian." Michael blinked the tears away, blushing.

"But you aren't the every day garden variety of father. Do I have to remind you how many times you've talked to that belly?"

"No."

"She knows your voice. I know how she feels when she hears it too."

Michael brought up his arms to encircle Brian about his neck, letting his hands dangle down. "I'm a fuckin' wreck, Brian."

Brian secured his arms tighter about Michael, kissing the temple. "You're _my_ wreck. No one else's."

"Do you recall when we were here last?"

"Gus' birth. You talked me down from dramatically faking a jump."

" _Birth and life in the same episode_... remember?"

"Ben's in a coma." Brian knew Michael didn't know what had happened with Ben.

" _Oh... dear god..._ " Michael sagged weakly in Brian's arms. "Because of the medications?"

"In a roundabout way. It always comes back to the regimen of HIV meds he's taking."

"Yeah... that happened to Vic too."

"I remember that."

Michael pulled back to look up at Brian. "How's Luke holding up?"

"Remarkably well. With it and sane." Brian smoothed the back of his hand over Michael's face. “I'm not sure how I'd be if I was in his position.”

"I think you'd surprise yourself how truly incredible you can be."

"I don't do well seeing you hurt."

"It'll happen. More often than not. I'm human, not perfect."

"I meant to tell you I won't love you any less if you can't ever be there for someone."

"I loved your reasoning why you like to loan me out to people who deserve me. I needed to hear that, especially from you." Michael sighed, leaning his brow on Brian's jaw. "They are our friends, Brian. We can't be alone forever. They've been there for you and I. Now... it's our turn to be there for them."

"What changed your mind?"

"Lots of things. You... and my baby daughter... _god, I love saying that_..." Michael couldn't _not_ smile. "The fact that it's silly to make assumptions on a man I don't know. God knows if I will ever find my real father. I discovered quickly how much I've tacked too much importance on that in my own life. At some point... don't I break away from my parents and become my own person?"

"Took me to find you to know I'd never be like Jack."

"And you aren't. Though, at times, your temper does get the best of you... you manage to remain rational."

"I think you tamed my dark beast within."

"Hmm... that sounds awful dangerous and sexy."

"Wait until I get you home."

"I totally agree. I need to be punished for being so bad to you... and Luke."

"You frightened me, is all. Just like this afternoon during sex. You've been doing that lately. Hurting yourself for some reason I couldn't pinpoint. Becoming more like my old self. I know it's only been a few years with you, but I don't know how you lasted as long as you did with me that way."

"I loved you, like no one else did. And you let me in when no one else cared. I didn't care what you were, as long as you were safe, warm, felt loved and got all that you wanted to be happy. Sometimes I was enough... other times... not."

"Now... we learned how to remedy that. A compromise, like how we do." Brian hugged Michael, then let him go. "We should go. Lukas is waiting." Michael wasn't following him out.

"What?" Michael yanked on Brian's hand. "No kisses? I _am_ being punished."

"Michael, if I kiss you now... I won't be able to stop. And it won't end with the kiss."

"Maybe I want it all. Maybe I need it too."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

Brian grabbed Michael's hand, threading their fingers. "Can we argue about this on the way?" He pointed toward the only way off the roof, the stairs.

"I'm not arguing." Michael stuck out his bottom lip, knowing how tempting it was for Brian not to try to push it back in as far as he could. "One. Little. Kiss."

"Nothing is ever 'little' with you. Which is very deceptive and tricky of you."

"I'm flattered, but I really just need a kiss."

"And I said no." Brian walked them through the door, never letting go of Michael's hand as they climbed down the stairs, side-by-side.

"Liar." Michael thought about it long and hard. "I could simply kiss your cheek." He gripped the railing all the way down.

"No. I'm telling you... if you kiss me... our lips will meet."

"Not if I kiss your back."

"Why would you kiss my _back_?"

"To avoid your lips. Thereby making my kiss plausible to not being anywhere near your lips for you to kiss me in return."

" _Where_ on my back?"

"Mid-spine or lower. Preferably the dip where your ass curves out."

"Are you betting me that I can't kiss your lips... if you kiss me there?"

"Brian... it's fuckin' impossible."

"Oh, then... not only is it a bet, now it's become a challenge?"

"Fine, if you see it that way." Michael shrugged one shoulder, his eyes darting to the wall to find out they were reaching the end of their climb down.

"What's the bet? And it can't be something I already do for you." Brian climbed down first, blocking Michael's pathway out.

"Okay." Michael was two steps up from Brian, brown eyes intent on hazel. "If you lose... the first time we have Jenny..." He let his mind wander.

"Yeah... go on..."

"... you show me how to be Mr. Mom."

"Excuse me?" Brian's eyes went wide with fright.

"You heard me." Michael tickled Brian under his chin. "You win... you don't have to bother taking care of Jenny that first time. Which means any time... no matter what time she wakes up, I go get her... while you stay asleep."

"What? You plan on plugging my ears? And I should simply ignore the crying baby in the house?"

"No. You can hold her, if you want. But you've got none of the responsibility. Dirty diaper, I change it. Needs a bottle, I make it for her."

"She's a baby, Michael... not a responsibility."

"It's a bet... and, as you wish, a challenge. You never faltered at taking these at the drop of a hat to watch me fail."

"I really don't see it as winning at all, Michael." Brian turned away in frustration at being left out of Jenny's first sleepover.

They got off on the Critical Care floor and walked out of the stairwell.

Lukas noticed Brian didn't look too pleased. "I leave you two for ten minutes... and something else has happened?"

Michael chuckled, swinging he and Brian's hands in between their bodies. "Brian's fighting within himself. Old and new versions. I think he actually won't mind being Jenny's step-father."

"Ew..." Brian made a stinky face. “... is _that_ what I'll be?”

"You wanna be Daddy Number Two?" Michael said it like Brian was Daddy Went Number Two, which is how little kids would've teased him.

Lukas lost himself in chuckles as he backed into the double doors of the wing.

"Can't I just be **Brian**?"

"Sure... but you might feel left out."

"I could be **Pop**."

"That's for Gus, his way of identifying you."

"What's he call you?"

"Uhm... I don't really know. He just burns those hazel eyes of his into me and I come running."

"You're no help." Brian mumbled, pretending to be dragged into Ben's hospital room.

The nurses stared in stunned wonder at why all three men could look so happy and hopeful when their friend was in such dire straits. People coped in the weirdest ways. They shrugged their shoulders and went back to monitoring patients and charting vital signs.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Lukas was dead asleep on their couch. They had seen the way he had paced Ben's hospital room, the slump of his shoulders while they stayed by Ben's bedside. He said he didn't know if he could be alone, wasn't even sure he could sleep a restful night in Ben's room. He needed a few hours of undisturbed sleep, so he crashed on Brian and Michael's couch.

Michael crossed his arms, leaning on the corner of the end of the hallway wall. "Think he'll be all right?"

"Yes, Michael. C'mon..." Brian snagged his arm about Michael's waist, trying to walk him backward. "Let's allow him some rest."

"He could get cold. It does get drafty out here at night."

"He said the couch blankets would be fine." Brian sighed, moving down the hall to find the inset box on the wall. "If it makes you feel any better... I'll turn the thermostat up."

"We have a great guest bedroom he can sleep in. It's warmer in there than out here." Michael turned to lean on the surface of the plaster. He watched Brian approach him again.

Brian reached up to touch Michael's cheek. "The one he and Ben use when they're here?"

"Oh..." Michael bowed his head in shame. "... yeah, I forgot. Uhm... Gus' bed?" He was trying to find another room Lukas could be comfortable in.

"... is a RACE CAR. Built for a child's body."

"I've slept in it when Gus has been sick."

"You've got the same bodybuild you did when you were fourteen, Michael. If you tried hard enough I bet you can fit perfectly into Jenny's crib."

"Hehehe..." Michael closed his eyes in happiness. "The name even sounds cool when you say it." He took Brian's offered hand, but didn't start walking. He only wanted to hold and squeeze it tight. "I need to find those stencils, again. I should put her name on the wall." He used his free hand to show the arch design he'd use. "Right above her--"

"I don't think Luke needs to hear this conversation, subliminally." Brian gestured toward their bedroom with his head. "If you want, we can talk in the baby's room... or our bedroom. Let's leave Luke to some quiet."

"Brian..." Michael began on the walk to their door.

"Hmm...?" Brian pushed open the door and strolled toward the bed. He was starting to take off his clothes.

"Do you like Luke?" After he shut the door, Michael moved to sit on their bed, at the end. He drew his knees up to his chest.

"Yeah. You know I do." Brian took off his shirt, then his jeans. “Why do you ask?”

"I think I know why I've been flipping out over him."

" _Oh? Why?_ " Brian toed off his shoes, peeling away his socks to roll them into themselves. He was throwing all his dirty clothes in a laundry bin.

 

**~~TBC...**


	38. Chapter 38

 

"I like him, too. Better than I do Ben, some days." 

"Good to hear. What's your point?"

"Our threesome with Ben. Do you remember how we both wished he was--"

"Luke. Yes. And I already told you, then... _like I'll say now_... a big fat **N-O** to another threesome."

"No, that's not remotely it. I've been so stressed lately, when I'm home without you, I not only think about you, but... I've been dreaming, fantasizing, about Lukas."

Brian stopped moving altogether. "Do I even want to hear this?" He went to crawl under the blankets on his side of the bed. He was completely naked, as usual.

“I dunno.” Michael stretched out on his side of the mattress, above the comforter "You know how detailed and affected I get by my imagination."

"Yeah..." Brian rested against the pillows against the headboard.

"I don't want you to think I'm considering cheating on you. Or that, uhm... me trying to be friends with Lukas doesn't have the best intentions. I feel weird around him."

"How 'weird'?" Brian furrowed his brow in curiosity.

"Like I _have_ , somehow, cheated on you."

"That's certainly encouraging. Do you think about him when we fuck?"

"God, no." Michael shook his head, softly chuckling. He slinked his body up to his pillows. "I'm too caught up with you to think of anyone else." He lay his head on his crossed arms above the pillows, his head turned toward Brian. "These fantasies are odd, though. Because they take place usually after Ben has passed away. Lukas has no one to turn to, but us. We take him in, like a roommate... but not."

"So 'what' is he to us?" Brian smirked, always loving the way Michael could recall his dreams so vividly.

"Our... uh, boyfriend." Michael buried most of his face in his curled arms.

Brian flipped over onto his right side to face Michael, tucking a pillow under his head. "Our _what_?" He couldn't help but crack up laughing.

"Our mutual boyfriend."

"You mean we both had sex with him?"

"Well, yeah, of course. But he also does 'boyfriend' things with us. Like romantic dinners... massages... long walks on the beach. We vacation together. He watches our kids. He takes care of the house... the bills... the laundry..."

" _Christ_ , Michael..." Brian inched over to press a kiss to Michael's forehead. "... you need to stop eating diary products before you come to bed."

"You know what's worse?"

"Is this possible at getting worse?"

"The day after, in realality, I'm fine. Like it never happened. Then I always seem to bump into Ben... and the guilt just runs through me."

"Well... you stole his boyfriend and made him OURS. Why wouldn't he be pissed at you?" Brian soothed a hand down Michael's forearm. "This is what puts you into confusion about where you 'fit' in Lukas' life?"

"What does this mean, Brian? I've never been happier than being with you. I love you. I wanna be with you as long as we can do this. As long as you'll have me. Is my body trying to tell my mind to 'act' on some secret urge I don't even know about?"

"You couldn't have waited a few hours to tell me this _after_ we had sex?"

"You're punishing me again, aren't you?"

"Michael, you've done nothing to be considered 'bad'. And... you're throwing 'punish' around like it was some new fascinating word you've discovered."

"I'm sorry. Between reading up on how to be a better parent and my frazzled, perverted mind... maybe I've combined the two. Or..." Michael was the one slipping over to Brian's side of the bed. "... maybe Ma left out a few spankings I _may_ have deserved."

Brian tilted his head. "You mean like offering your newborn daughter in a bet?"

"You haven't declined my offer."

"Maybe I don't like what I could lose or win."

"You feel that strongly about Jenny already?"

“She's your daughter, Michael.” Brian cupped Michael's face. "First impressions are always key. She already loves you."

"Yeah... by default."

"Michael..."

"Sorry. I've been a real father for almost twelve hours. It's gonna take some getting used to."

"You'll do fine." Brian watched Michael dip his head to start kissing his bare biceps. "What are you doing?"

"I was thinking of winning that bet, but I realized I liked the initial circumstances of the bet. And I've decided to use it as tonight's opening foreplay."

"Thanks for the official announcement. Like I need incentive to have sex with you."

"Maybe I'm curious."

"Oh? To _what_?'

"Your strategy to try and win."

"Not right now. I'll show you when it's about to happen." Brian could only hold back Michel so far before he let him roam his body on his own.

"Fair enough." Michael straddled Brian's hips. "But what will we do _now_ for foreplay?"

"Tell me about your fantasy with me and Luke. Maybe I'll attempt to be _both_ roles at once."

"You sure you can do it? Up for the challenge?"

"I'm always _up_... for you."

"The real challenge is... how long can you _stay_ up."

"Ooooo... I believe _that_ was a challenge I'm willing to honor." Brian grasped Michael's waist, moving to cup his rear.

"Do your worst. I can outlast you."

"Yeah?"

"Hell yeah."

"Bring it on."

"Oh... I will 'bring' it and 'bring' it often... until you beg me to stop and cry for your own mercy..."

" _Whoa! Really?_ " Brian bit his bottom lip in complete interest. He then proceeded to roll Michael over onto his back, lost in the hands on his face, in his hair and the giggles in his ears.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Lukas showered in the hallway bathroom, for guests, at 3am. He picked up his truck keys and let himself out of the house. He used the key Brian gave him to lock up. He didn't know where he was going, so he simply drove. He went far enough to feel lost, then turned around to come back, retracing his steps. He had things to think about, which was why he found himself pulling in bedside his father's Mercedes in the circular driveway of his childhood home at 5am. He let himself in, the back way, heading toward his father's office. He was on a mission to find the desk safe.

Years ago, before she passed, Lukas' Mom told him the combination. She said she'd put the one thing she'd left him in her husband's safe. Doing this would prevent her from finding herself in desperate straits one day, trying to sell this valuable possession. It was lost amongst her husband's important items, looking like a silly keepsake. She knew Lukas would come to a point in his life when he would be curious enough to seek out its contents. He would feel worthy of its greatness, knowing how little his Mom had upon death. It had to be something pretty spectacular. She told him he could do whatever he wished. Sell it, keep it... she would know and understand why. But he had to make that first decision to locate it in order to find the answer he had been seeking.

Feet were scraping on the hardwood flooring. "Lukas?" Mr. Harrison stood in his own office doorway, squinting behind his bifocals. “Son, what are you--?” He was tying his robe about his pajama-clad body.

"Dad... I'll be outta your hair in few." Lukas lifted up his head, bending to work on the combination of the safe. “I just--Mom left something for me in the desk safe. I'm getting it open."

"There's nothing of value in there, I can tell you that." Mr. Harrison strolled in, taking a seat in front of his desk. Lukas looked good, but a little tired. He could tell from the dark circles under his green eyes, so like his mother's.

"Like I said... I'll be out of your way, shortly. Ten minutes. Tops."

"Lukas, it's five o'clock. Shouldn't you be--?"

"Jamie's sick, Dad." Lukas put that in the air to shut his father up. "He collapsed in front of his students, during class."

"Wha--?" Mr. Harrison wiped at his face, sitting back weakly in the chair. "Son... I just got back last night from Shanghai. Is he--? _Christ..._ Is he going to be all right?"

"Well... he's in a coma." Lukas finally heard the "clink" he needed to hear to know he had the numbers right.

" _Oh... my..._ " Mr. Harrison sat forward. "Is it _serious_?"

Lukas opened the door, then began pulling out the things his father considered "safe-worthy". He placed them in his lap and on the desk. "He looks as if he's sleeping. He's breathing on his own, not hooked to any machines. If that's what you mean."

"I told Jamie I wanted to come visit you boys soon." Mr. Harrison hand shook as he combed through his salt-n-pepper hair. “Send you a nice housewarming gift for the new place.”

"Your secretary sent us a _nice_ decanter set." Lukas made his voice sound as unfeeling as possible. "Thanks for caring."

"Oh... well..." Mr. Harrison laughed nervously. "... it's why I hired her. She remembers what I forget."

"I think..." Lukas chuckled deeply, looking at a flat cigar box. “... I found it.”

" _That_ was you mother's?" It looked like one of Mr. Harrison's old cigar boxes.

"Irony, Dad. Like Mom." Lukas put everything back neater than he found it. “Cigar box for the non-smoker who got breast and lung cancer.”

"Wou--would you like to stay for coffee? I could get my chef to cook us breakfast. He arrives in another thirty minutes or so."

"No, Dad." Lukas shut the safe and then the drawer. He clutched the box in his hand. “I've got some friends who might be worried about me.”

"Luke... _please_... I'm trying..."

"I know. You keep telling me that when I see you. But it's not good enough for me. I've grown accustomed to being disappointed. It's worked out so far. The ' _not caring_ ' anymore." Lukas picked up a pen and found some paper. "This... is Ben's hospital room number, where he's at. Send him some flowers, at least. He'd like to hear from you, know you were worried about him." He stood up out of the chair, moving from behind the desk. "Or... would you like for me to buy something for you and tell him it was from you?" It was what his father would usually make his Mom do for Lukas, every birthday or Christmas. He couldn't recall the last gift he'd gotten _from_ his father... except life.

"No. Don't. Leave it." Mr. Harrison stood up, shifting around the chair. He was waking up a bit more, after hearing about Ben. He felt like holding Lukas... touching his face, but he didn't think he had that right anymore. "How long will he be--?"

“I don't know, Dad.” Lukas slumped against the office door. "That's the reason I'm here."

"Luke... _please_ , son..." Mr. Harrison put his palms together, bringing them to his mouth. He wanted to say so much more, but was caught unawares, as usual with Lukas.

"What?"

Mr. Harrison hadn't expected to see the tears in those green eyes. They made him swallow hard, with emotion. "I do--do love you..."

"I know..." Lukas snickered, shaking his head. He wiped his eyes with his wrists. "... that's what hurts the most."

"Why?"

"Because... I don't know what I did wrong, but... I've never stopped loving you, either."

Mr. Harrison went to hold out his hand, but he let it fall to the back of the chair. "Take care of yourself... and Jamie..."

"I always have, Dad." Lukas nodded his head and quietly exited with a soft. "Bye."

"Bye, son." Mr. Harrison retook his chair, burying his face in his hands.

~~&&~~&&~~&&~~&&~~

Brian rolled to his right side, reaching out to snuggle and clutch Michael's hip. Only everything about what he was doing felt wrong, like it wasn't even Michael in his arms. First clue was the coconut shampoo, next was the over-all body shape he was conforming to. It was almost as big as him. Brian's eyes shot open to meet the startling blond curls he was about to nuzzle. He was chest to back, spooning with Lukas' body. He flinched away in shock, fairly certain the last person he fell asleep with was Michael.

Brian raised up on his torso, using his elbow. He found Michael snuggled back to chest with Lukas. Lukas was pleasantly curled, arms and legs, about Michael's well-cocooned body under comforter and sheets. Tiny spikes of black hair could be spotted on the pillow.

Brian knew something wasn't right. He reached over Lukas' blissfully asleep, unaware, head to shake Michael. "Michael... wake..."

"I'm up." Came Michael's voice hushed and frantic. "Don't shake me. He might move again."

"You're up and awake?"

"I've been awake... yes. And I am steadily very much getting... up." Michael sighed heavily. "Brian... I swear... for a second, I thought it was you. By the time I realized my mistake, it was too late."

Brian's gaze wandered over Lukas' slumbering form. The couch throws were covering Lukas' lower half, hiding the fact if he was fully clothed or naked. "Where the hell was I when he arrived... climbing into bed with us?"

"I dunno. Asleep, like me. You were turned away from me, as I was you. There must have been some space between us for awhile. It is possible that we don't sleep attached to one another all the time."

"Michael... that was some gap... Lukas is a big man."

" _Tell me about it!_ " Michael spoke with some nervous snickering. His voice was laced with a little fear. "He's dreaming about Ben. That's when he started to cuddle and hump me."

" 'Hump' you?" Brian put a hand up to cover his mouth. He wanted to laugh, but knew Michael wouldn't appreciate it. "Did he cum?"

"I don't think so. He didn't cry out or anything. I can barely see under these sheets. I can 'feel' a lot. I've been buried for... well, it feels like an hour. I've decided I like my _fantasy_ of Luke better. At least in them, he's not violating my best comforter... with me laying under it..."

Okay... now Brian knew Michael was attempting to make him laugh. "Should we move him? Is he that attached to you?"

"Brian... I don't care what you do. A fair warning, though, I may have to pee soon. I haven't intentionally wet the bed in years."

"Never thought of trying 'watersports' as a kink?" Brian teased with a smirk.

"Please... I'm like an OCD maniac if I accidentally pee on my hand at a urinal."

Brian furrowed his brow, caught between hilarity and worry. "He's never climbed into our bed before."

"Ben's never been sick like this.'

"True." Brian pinched his lips. "I would never have pegged Luke as the 'cuddling' type." He slipped off the mattress, grabbing a pair of underwear. He was planning on waking Lukas. When he jumped back onto the bed, he crawled on his knees toward the naked back.

Lukas rolled over, letting Brian's next move seem logical. Well, if Michael didn't exist. He straddled Lukas' thick waist, moving down to place his hands on either side of the muscular body on the bed.

Lukas' hands instinctively reached out to latch onto the waist. Once he realized the differences between Brian's hips... and Ben's, Lukas shot his eyes wide open. He looked up to see Brian hovering over him, turned his head to notice Michael laying on his left side, facing him. "I can explain."

Brian squinted his eyes in mock fury. "I sure hope so."

Lukas brought his hands out to hold onto Brian's wrists, instead of his thin hips. "I woke up at 3am, took a shower and left. I had to go for a drive. When I went far enough, I turned around and came back. I found myself at my childhood home, where my Dad still lives. Mom had left me something in his office, in a desk safe. I bumped into my Dad. I told him about Jamie, he kept making excuses why he's been ignoring me, like usual. I found what I needed, told the cold heartless bastard I loved him... and returned here..."

"Nice story. How did you get _here_ , in our bed?"

"I opened your door and walked in."

Michael giggled behind his hand. "Sorry." Brian glared at him with a "look".

"Well... you two _are_ my best friends." Lukas shut his lids when Michael touched his shoulder.

"Okay..." Brian was still waiting for a better explanation.

Lukas reopened his eyes, staring between Brian and Michael. "You two... are the closest I can ever get to Ben, right now. And still manage to stay sane."

Brian inhaled a long breath of understanding. "All right..."

Lukas began to raise up off his back, attempting to sit upright. "Usually I find I only need you two individually." He shook his head, shrugging one shoulder. "This time... I needed you both."

"Uhm... _what_...?" Brian wasn't sure he was reading Lukas right.

"It's not the way you think."

Brian glanced between he and Michael, Michael bowed his head in embarrassment of his long-standing threesome fantasy. "What way do we think?"

"I don't want to have sex with you two. Not that I didn't ever, but it's become a milder, controllable urge. Now... _after all these years_... I'll admit to needing, maybe a kiss and a hug from Michael. A single touch or a hug from you... Brian. But anything else than that... no..."

" _Why not?_ " Brian sat upright, crossing arms over his torso.

Lukas smiled, blinking up at Brian. "You sound disappointed."

"I'm trying to comprehend what you really need from us."

"Your friendship."

"Got it." Brian nodded in agreement.

"Your companionship with one another." Lukas pointed between Brian and Michael.

"Uh... okay... got it now."

"Here's one... the way you two make me feel when I'm with you, _togethe_ r. I guess that would be your essence-es...."

"Fine. Got it." Brian's tightly crossed arms were loosening.

"Wait... I think I'm understanding this a little better." Michael finally spoke up. He rose off the bed to wrap his arm about Lukas' shoulders. "This always felt weird, because we started off on an awkward footing. You and I. Ex and current boyfriend of Ben. It's been difficult to identify what we feel for each other, because... well, let's face it... none of us will ever be normal or conventional. Whatever they mean."

Lukas reached out to place his hand on Michael's hidden thigh. "It's like friends, but so much more. I don't need sex from either of you. Jamie is enough... even when he's sick."

"What _do_ you want from us, then?"

"Love... I suppose..."

" _Oh, Christ!_ " Brian fell back on the bed, off of Lukas' body.

"Brian, I think it's sweet." Michael kissed Lukas' cheek.

Brian looked at them under his lashes, then pointed at them. "You two loons... _deserve_ one another."

Lukas looked at Michael with a question in his gaze. "What's Brian talking about?"

“Long story.” Michael cupped Lukas' shoulder joint, patting the naked skin. "One day... I'll tell you in private."

Lukas glanced over at Brian, who now bent his arms over his face. "I must have offended Brian with my rejection of sex."

"No. He's been rejecting sex between us... from me for awhile, Luke."

"Would you two hush... please..." Brian lifted up on his elbows.

"Sorry." Michael responded, head bowed.

"Yeah... sorry." Lukas sat up fully beside Michael.

Brian put out a hand to get them to be quiet. "No. I _hear_ something. Like a buzz or a humming noise."

They were all silent for a good six seconds, when the sharp noise sounded.

Lukas realized it was him. He threw off the couch throws, showing he had always been in his jeans "I brought my phone... I put it on vibrate." He put the extension to his ear. _"_ _ _ **Hello?... yes, this is Lukas Harrison...**__ _"_ He brought up a hand to scratch at his chest hair. The widest... goofiest grin spread out over his list. _"_ _ _ **... what? Oh, no... I'm sorry... yes, of course... it is good news. Thank you for calling me.**__ _"_ He paused, plugging one finger in his empty ear. _"_ _ _ **... uh... did he really?**__ _"_ He suddenly became choked up. _"_ _ _ **I, uh... yeah... yeah... thank you for telling me. So can I...?**__ _"_ He raised his eyes to the ceiling to take in all the instructions he was being given. _"_ _ _ **Great. Thanks. Yes. I'll probably eat first, then I'll be in shortly... what?**__ _"_ He covered his eyes, rubbing the tense skin. _"_ _ _ **Just let him know I'm on my way... and I'll deal with him accordingly. No... no... that is my responsibility not yours. Besides... he already knows... yeah, thanks again... bye...**__ _"_ He clicked off, staring down at his cell phone. " _Jeee-susss..._ "

"What, Luke... what is it?"

Lukas raised watery green eyes to Michael's worried brown ones. "Jamie's come out of his coma."

Michael jumped into Lukas' arms. His hands filtering through the blond curls. " _Oh... fuck..._ that is such good news..."

"I know." Lukas buried his face in Michael's neck, sniffling. " _Christ..._ I'm such a fall-down mess without him."

Michael pulled away, caressing Lukas' stubbled cheek. "No... no... you love someone, very deeply. That's not a crime. That's a rarity." He wiped at Lukas' face. "What did they say?"

"He opened his eyes early this morning. The nurses quickly got his doctor in. Jamie asked for me, wanted to know where I was..." Lukas shut his eyes. "I should've stayed there last night."

"No. C'mon..." Michael soothed Lukas' back. "You needed the sleep, right? Both you and Ben did."

"Yeah..." Lukas spared a glance to Brian, who was sitting upright now. In almost a daze. "How about I make us some breakfast?" He picked up the couch throws and crawled off the mattress.

"Will they let us in this early in the morning?" Brian asked once he found his voice again.

"The doctor wants us in no matter what. To discuss a few things. He's gotta make his other rounds in the hospital. The nurses said that Jamie wants to get cleaned up. He feels like he's been rode hard and put away wet."

"I don't blame him. He's been through enough, not counting this episode yesterday."

Lukas couldn't stop smiling, his heart picking up speed. "You two take all the time you need to... uh... well, I realize I may have disturbed your usual early morning routine. Just know... you aren't on a time frame. For... _whatever_ you feel like doing." He winked suggestively and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

Michael hopped up from under the blankets, making his way toward Brian. Brian had rested on his back again, then rolled over on to his stomach. When Michael approached, he massaged Brian's muscles, laying along side him.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. You?"

"I'm happy for Luke about Ben. Well... I'm also ecstatic that Ben's gonna be fine."

"Me too." Brian was resting his face inside his folded arms. “That's what feels so odd to me.” He turned to face Michael, his hazel eyes confused for a bit.

"Hey... you haven't hated him for awhile, Brian. It's cool to find him tolerable on some level. Not that you have to like him like you do Luke, but..." Michael found his hand at the mid-spine portion of Brian's back. He recalled he had tried that maneuver last night, during sex... of taking on those "bet" conditions. The ones where Brian wouldn't be able to kiss him if he kissed him on the back, near his spine and the curve of his ass. He very much liked the outcome of that experience and wished to see if Brian was interested in attempting that mystifying feat again. He leaned down to press both lips and his tongue along the naked skin, trailing down to the dip.

Brian smiled secretly, rolling his eyes in pure pleasure. In a matter of seconds, he'd take his arm and flipped Michael over, kissing him breathless. Proving to him, _yet again_ , that he could withstand any challenge Michael gave him.

But for now... he'd let Michael stew, continuing the "foreplay" to think he wasn't going to anything... and then he'd devour Michael... like always.

**~~THE END.**


End file.
